have you tried to kill yourself r9k?
what did you do
I just got out of the hospital the other week because I tried to set myself on fire
>go to gas station
>pay for 10$ in gas
>take pump and pour gas all over myself
>lighter gets covered in gas
>apparently lighters dont work when wet
>fumble with lighter
>get tackled by some guy and pinned on the ground by people
>ambulance comes they spray me with a hose to get rid of gas
>taken to hospital
>>25233486
tried slitting my wrists in a sewer. was passed out when they found me. I made a call right before passing out so they could get the body as fast as possible and not scare anyone else down there but they got there too fast. got out a month ago.
>>25233486
>get tackled by some guy
Fucking NORMIES!
>>25233486
That must have been an interesting sight.
They probably tackled you because having an open flame around gas pumps probably isn't a good idea.
>>25233670
no they probably thought they were a hero
>>25233486
>take rat poison as a kid
>???
Well? I'm still waiting...
>>25233728
>be semi retarded kid
>helping dad garden
>dad is planting these fertilizer spikes around the pine trees
>eat one
>???
>says right on the box eating one is fatal
Well.
youre lying, they wouldve sendyou to prison for this
>>25233769
eat more little poisons to be immune from assassination
Self immolation has to be one of the most painful way to die
>>25233789
what shithole do you live in that they jail suicide attempts?
>>25233789
>they send you to prison for trying to kill yourself giving yourself even more reason to kill yourself
Not surprised considering it's america
>>25233486
Fake as FUCK op.
Nice try. You would go into a psych ward immediately if they knew you were gonna an hero.
I took 35 grams of tylenol when I was 16. It was a bad way to try it. The next morning I was puking up yellow froth every 5 minutes. I spent a week in the hospital drinking some disgusting medicine and another week in an adolecent psych ward.
>>25233845
did you not even read it?
he said he went to the psych ward
u dumb man
no, i don't have the balls to do it
>>25233486
>>25233561
yaknow you could just... not try to kill yourselves and suffer like the rest of us.
>>25233874
Where? He said he went to a hospital and then got out. He didnt say psych ward anywhere.
Ah my bad anyway, he probably meant the psych ward.
>>25233822
Trying to light yourself on fire at the gas station put s the whole public in danger
>>25233486
>>25233561
>>25233849
You're all fucking stupid. I would tell you to kill yourselves, but you would just fuck that up too.
>>25233789
No.
>>25233845
If you can't read then don't reply okay.
>>25233823
No, they dont send you to jail for trying to kill yourself,
but they do send you to jail for being a fucking retard and trying to light fires at the gas station
>>25233924
Psych ward is now spelled H O S P I T A L B O Y S
I had a meeting with my boss where he said I was a failure, then I found myself on the roof of the building, looking over the edge, trying to do the math to figure out if the fall would kill me. Apparently this counts as an attempt.
Spent ten days in a psych ward, was fired soon after that.
>>25233942
The point is they'd be sending a suicidal man to jail. Thus giving him more reason to want to kill himself
>>25233979
So? Don't fucking light fires at the gas station, asshole.
>trying to fill up my car and just go on with another day when some autistic faglord tries to kill himself and blows us all up
It was a pretty dumb idea but I just wrapped a plastic bag around my head. Before that I tried inhaling some kind of aerosol spray. A few minutes after wrapping my head with a bag I started to get really woozy. I tore it off. After realizing what I had done I told myself that I needed help. If I hadn't, my "attempts" would just get more and more risky.
>>25234015
gas stations dont explode from fires life is not gta
if anything op would burn and the pumps would auto shut off
>>25233953
I forgot to mention, I worked at Google. I'm a spoiled brat, I know.
ITT: attention whores. If you wanted to kill yourself just shoot your head
>>25234087
ITT: pussies. These are the kinds of guys that get cucked in real life.
>>25234047
And the owner would be out a lot of money as the place is closed for a few hours as the firemen try to spatula op off the pavement.
>>25234170
the owner would be up on money from the insurance claim
>>25233486
Fire takes too long to kill, just shoot yourself in the head.
>>25234196
I don't have a gun (I don't live in US, it's much harder to find one in here). I'm just lurking to find which meds would work best.
>>25234248
meds dont work dont do it unless you like getting a tube shoved down your throat and charcoal pumped in till it comes back out your mouth
hang yourself
>>25233486
Just make a fake gun out of wood or use a bb gun, suprise cop, bam cop suicide. Cheapest and easiest way. Just have a note so the officer doesn't get sued
>>25234400
Only works if you're black and american though.
>>25234400
best join church programs first
>>25234400
I suppose getting mag dumped is effective but surely you can accomplish this without traumatizing someone else.
>Failing your suicide
>Not being depressed for so long you meticulously plan out your suicide to give it a 100% chance of success
P L E B S
L
E
B
S
>>25234784
They're just doing it for attention.
see >>25234087
>>25234784
this desu
if I gave my plan out on /r9k/ I'm pretty sure the NSA would tell Facebook to tell my normie friends to call the cops for a wellness check. If I ever get the balls I'm not surviving.
>>25234978
>tie a noose with cheese wire
>fasten it around your neck
>super glue / rubber cement hands to head
>jump
Congratulations, it looks like you just ripped off your own head
>>25235089
do you think your original for posting that?
>>25235089
>buy parasail and noose
>go to new mexico
>go to car dealership, take out a convertible for a test drive
>kick out the salesman if he comes with you
>tie parasail to seat, tie noose to parasail
>throw a brick on the pedal as you speed off into the desert while cops chase you
>deploy parasail
>cops are now chasing down a driverless car pulling your limp body as a kite
>>25235147
the robot didn't catch me senpai, maybe you'd prefer a newer meme like this
>>25233725
>I'm going to get so much hero pussy after i save this faggots life
>>25235175
>go to NYC for thanksgiving
>Macy's Parade
>Board the Snoopy balloon from a nearby rooftop
>Deftly saw each rope free while people below panic and try to maintain control of the giant Snoopy
>Hang yourself on the final anchor rope after cutting it free
>Float away on national television and ruin thanksgiving for everyone
>>25235367
that would never work bro
>>25235786
it might sou desu ka
Tried sleeping next to the escape of the car on my garage, took pills and had pillows and everything.
Too bad neighbour smelled it and called the cops.
>be me
>depressed as hell with no real friends
>tried talking to someone who I thought was a friend but she just ignored me
>pull out some old ethernet cable, make a noose, tie it to the top of the stairs and steps off.
>blacks out
>wake up some time later with my tongue tasting weird
>cable broke
>start weaving the cable to make it stronger
>was setting up for round two when keys in the door as new housemate comes to move in
>fuck
>scramble like hell to hide everything
>be 5 years later
>great life, in a relationship and living on a mother fucking boat in a decent paid job.
It gets better.
>>25234078
what was it like working there?
Why didn't you put it in a tank, walk into the woods, and be a dumbass there instead of being in the middle of a crowd
god, every time I hear a failed suicide it's by some literal retard. no wonder you guys keep trying to kill yourself
>>25236102
>it gets better
Stop with this meme shit. It got better for you, sure. But for a lot of people, things won't get better. They'll either kill themselves or deal with the same bullshit until something else kills them.
>>25234784
This.
Pic very related.
>>25236335
How does this device even work?
>>25236383
apparently it fires all of those shotgun shells at once using electrical current
had to reverse-search it and read the reddit discussion about it
Well, bought some vodca and some sleeping pills. Got drunk and when I was failling asleep I put a sack on my face and used tape to cover the holes around my neck. I woke up 8 hours after, because in my sleep I tore the sack. Going to try again now in january, but with a more resistant sack.
>>25236464
you're on the fast track to starving your brain of oxygen but surviving and becoming a retard
>>25233979
They might not know that. You could be a guy that just wants to make fires
>>25236513
I will take precautions this time. I was desperate at the time and didn't want to have a violent death. So I rushed for what I perceived as the easier choice. Now I'm calm, I can think everything thoroughly
>>25236577
yeah because you cover yourself in gas to start fires
>>25236629
With all these people willing to blow themselves up or sacrifice themselves? It's not exactly a bad assumption for them to make
>>25233486
Explanation as to what is going on in the gif pls. Prank gone wrong?
>>25236666
a suicide bombing is still a suicide
>>25233979
If a suicidal guy puts others in danger when he tries to kill himself...
>>25236688
With the intent to hurt someone else. I do wish people let others kill themselves in peace though unless they fail or something. They have no right to intervene in someone's personal matters. Not like they care anyway
>>25236757
normies will always stop you
>>25237081
fucking normies reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i hate them
>>25236675
Normies are huffing butane in their car and then the smart guy in the back uses a lighter.
>>25237461
burning normies bring me joy
I'm saving to go to Zurich, where they have a well-known medically assisted euthanasia program. Given extensive documentation, they'll let you do it for depression. My greatest fear is failing a suicide attempt and being unable to attempt again (e.g. being paralyzed) so I'd rather have professionals do it for me.
>>25233486
Anyone that wants to kill themselves is going to succeedd. It's not that hard, all the others are pucci azz fukboiz looking for attention, or women.
>CAPTCHA:Failedsuicidevictims=realaznfukboiz
wow oh nice Garfield
if you can't pull off a suicide, you either deep down don't REALLY want to die, or you're just that fucking dumb.
most of these are the former despite what you may think of yourselves
>>25236335
wtf is this? how does it work>
>>25237686
your really dumb dsir
>>25235367
"Autist falls to his death attempting to jump on Snoopy ballon, more after the break."
>>25233486
>that cry for attention
>"trying" to light yourself on fire in public
>posting about it on /r9k/ as soon as you get out
>>25233486
I was one of those morons you've read about. You know, the ones who threw prescription medications into their coffee just to retract further from reality. I've messed with combinations and blends of all kind. Once a week ritual of mine, even still. About 4 months ago I threw in too many, blacked out, and found myself connected to a machine that beeps and boops. Guess my mother found me passed out on the tiles. Didn't directly try commit suicide but I'm on a prolonged path; slowly killing myself.
>>25236383
>>25236424
>>25237708
Kid created this helmet out of shit in his garage and dad's shotgun shells. It was expertly designed to have a fail-safe if it didn't work initially. Kid was a mad genius and used it to an hero.
>>25233914
>>25233951
You're a fucking idiot.
If you are sent to a hospital for psych reasons, that is the fucking psych ward. What do you think a ward is? It is PART of a hospital. Hospitals have different wards, such as the maternity ward, but it's all still the same hospital. Dumb ass.
unremarkable story
me and emo faggot friend decide to kill ourselves
light up 2 hibachis inside his car, makes us choke and cough like crazy it's unbearable
try using only one hibachi, after half an hour we say fuck it
we call ambulance
we're dizzy, expecting brain damage from carbon monoxide
we end up fine
3 days later he's out of hospital
I stay almost 2 months in the hospital because it was my third attempt in less than 3 months
Yes I'm a pussy
>be 14-15
>lock myself in my room with a grill and seal everything so no air can enter
>it's 2 hours before my parents return home
>suicide takes longer than I thought so I dismantle my project about 20minutes before my parents come home
>feel like shit because my suicide attempt failed so pathetically
>get a beating from my father because I "smoked inside"
10 years later and my life is worse but at least I don't want to kill myself anymore.
