I want to be a kid again
I miss my legos and my coco
I miss my christmas mornings and my puppy
I miss my dad and mom loving eachother and not knowing the feels I know now
I miss not knowing how ugly I am
I would do anything to be a child again but I am 25 and working day in day out wanting to kill myself.
>>25133161
>being a wagecuck
Lmao
>tfw best years of life wasted
>>25133183
I don't have a choice
I don't want to be homeless
>>25133161
This post seriously made me sad.
I-i-it's okay anon
the season's almost over
My childhood sucked, like everything else in my life.
>You will never be a happy dancing pepe ever again
>No more dancing around your room to your new favourite CD
>You will continue to picture yourself singing in-front of your school to your favourite songs wishing you could go back in time
>Mfw I feel so badly about myself I am not even the lead singer in my dreams about singing in front of the school
>I am the backup singer
>>25133161
>tfw you'll never go back in time and fix everything you fucked up
>>25133359Have you ever tried to go to sleep and you just suddenly remember a mistake/awful situation you were in and how poorly you handled it
>8 year old anon
>Playing with neighbour hood friends after school
>Riding bikes without a care in the world
>Coming home to a nice cooked dinner with loving mom and dad
>Playing with legos before bedtime
>I make a spaceship and rush to show my mom
>I trip and it breaks
>She comforts me letting me know how smart I can be if I try. Asks me to show her how well I can build a new one
>25 year old anon
>Family divorced at 13
>Can see my mother has lost the will to live just by looking in her eyes
>I still play with my lego on my desk making the same space ships with the same characters i made up
>If I keep going I think I will be another Chris Chan
>>25133359
>implying You wouldn't waste the opportunity by being a lazy shit againat least i know i would
I really want to quit my job and just give in and end my life.
Buy the toys I wish I had from my childhood
Move into a crapshack and be the child I never got to be
I'll never know the reason why the earliest memory I have is extreme pain
>>25133497
maybe it's the booze or the shitty time of year but i'm in tears
you will be anon, you will be
How do You robots distract yourselves from the pain?
for me it's music 24/7, some albums are really a lot of fun. games or movies don't do it for me anymore because they require too much attention. Maybe anime from time to time.
Also started meditating for 15 minutes every day and it's nice.
>>25133667
>Earlist memory is myself at age 3 or 4 trying to wash dishes and help my mom and dad while they were watching TV
>I drop a mug and it shatters on the floor
>Dad rushes in and starts beating me for the first time in my life
>I am crying so hard I have trouble breathing and I can still feel the pain of struggling to breath
And this was the downfall of my life.
My life ended at age 4 and it was down to this single moment.
>no more holiday feeling like when you were a kid
>>25133667
Because you got circumcized
>tfw isolated from family discussion because i'm a socially retarded aspie
who here knows this feel?
>>25133704
>smoke
>drink
>tv
>vidya
>shitpost on boards other than /r9k/
How can you meditate? I can't focus on breathing, I just keep remembering how awful everything I am or have been is and always will be.
>>25133704
Video games
You can spend 15 hours at least without knowing you spent the whole day again wasting away.
Anime is also a good way to distract yourself but it can hurt when theres a moment during a show that hits you hard and will cause you to get that one step closer to ending your life.
>>25133720
fuck
i'm so sorry anon your father is a monster
>>25133734
>tfw only family you speak to is your mother and the last message you got from your father was him saying he no longer recognises that I am part of his family line and refuses to ever acknowledge my existence again
>>25133720
Dude....more
>tfw genuinely can't remember what it was like before I became depressed
I was sad even as a kid. My mom would yell at me, I never saw my dad, and I got beaten up at school. Then things got worse.
>still have my old legos
>i know that ill never be able to recapture the fun they used to be
man i played with them until i was 16 or so. life sucks
>>25133161
i miss toy soldiers, but setting up battles with them wouldn't be the same today.
>>25133737
>smoke
also this. Really helped me to stop using MDMA every month or so.
Meditation is hard at first, had to force myself to sit and try to focus. It's a little better now and 15 minutes everyday isn't much after all.
>>25133763
Gotta have a little feelfest once in a while.
Just started NHK ni youkoso, how fucked am i?
>tfw you're the underappreciated aspie in a liberal family
>tfw you're not as cool as your cousin
>tfw my brother is emasculated
Shit gonna change
>>25133769
>>25133790
He is a real monster who was diagnosed with aspergers at age 30.
I have more but it is basically the same event but repeated until I was about 15 and my mom left him.
>Always wanted to be a surf life saver
>At age 6 my mom let me join at the lowest age group where you go to the beach and run on the beach and swim with other kids your aye
>Night before the first meet up my dad bursts into my room and threw me off my bed while breaking everything I own and just absolutely destroying my room
>I just start crying and slaps my leg about 10 or so times
>Starts yelling that I stole his money
>Mom just watching at the doorway in tears
>Storms out
>Can't go to the beach for the first time because my legs are all purple and black
>Turns out the money he left was in his truck
He also made me watch while he beat my mom
>>25133812
>man i played with them until i was 16 or so
Me to man and I still would if my parents did not take them away one night.
I miss my star wars sets the most and my cow boys
Is it bad I only come on here to farm pepe's?
As for wagekek I am also a wagekek just enjoy the little things in life.
>tfw high school was the best
>just wake up, go to school, come home, sit on computer, eat dinner made by parents, go to bed
>tfw 2nd half of senior year i turned to shit because the realization of growing up dawned on me
>tfw im 4 years out of high school in my parents house with no job, wishing i was a kid again
>>25133161
I'm sorry anon, it is very painful. I feel the exact same way.
Up to the age of about 12 I was like super saiyan chad. Best in school, best in sports, most popular, did some modeling, every girl I met was obsessed with me.
I don't want to talk about what happened after that, but here I am now, a robot. From living both sides I can tell you that a chad experiences more joy in 10 minutes than a robot will in 10 years. It's beautiful, you can't even begin to imagine what it's like. Maybe I should be thankful that I got to experience those 12 years but it's very painful to feel the contrast.
These stories are incredibly autistic but they actually make me feel nostalgic for when I was a kid.
>>25133816
I loved my toy soldiers. I would set up them all around my room having a grand battle making the sounds and everything.
I am having the biggest feels right now reading this thread and I feel like I am about to break down.
>>25133933
My image of you during this moment
>>25134030
Ouch.
I never had the chad experience anon.
I was also the fat smelly ugly kid who everyone made fun of . This was from every single age.
Every now and the kids some girl would stick up for me out of pitty.
Please tell me your story.
>>25133933
>Pic related
This thread is really hitting me in feels
I miss my dad
>>25133933
p-please no more stories. you have evoked tears.
I'm really sorry anon. What an awful way to live. I hope you have found some degree of happiness. He obviously wanted you to have none.
pic related i have no reaction face for this level of sadness
I miss my stuffed animals
I used to carry around a stuffed rabbit and seal everywhere I went even till the age of 7 or 8.
They were my favourite things in life. I would draw them at school and would talk about them to all my teachers.
I came home one day to see them in the trash.
My dad told me I am not allowed to take them out because I forgot to brush my teeth the night before.
This was the end of my life.
When was yours?
>>25133497
I upgraded to 3d modeling, I am getting better and will be able to sell my work next year
>have a blanket
>white and fluffy with cool stitching on the edges
>always sleep with it and walk around with it
>do this til 6th grade, 11 years old
>one day i go to bed and the blanket is missing
>hmm must be in the laundry
>it never comes back
>>25133161
I wish I could start over with my mind, I'd get so much ass
>>25134180
It's alright.
I had my shot at life and I drew the short straw. Someone has to suffer for someone to have a good life I guess.
I enjoy posting here sharing my feelings with other people knowing they suffered just as much as me.
I have found no happiness and am quite comfortable knowing when the time is right I will kill myself.
Until then I will post here every day with other people who suffer as much as me.
>>25133933
please don't blame his aspergers on this
>>25133720
>>25133933
is there a story of karma buttfucking him
plz senpai
>>25134272
But you can't and won't ever.
Your best years of your life are over and you will never get them back.
You will never have an opportunity to get the same feelings you could have had.
Not only did you miss out, You are not at a disadvantage for the rest of your life.
In order to get what you want now you will have to fight up hill and when you eventually reach what you want your life will be over.
You will be too old, ugly and exhausted.
Life is over for us anon.
>>25133734
Yup, my family never involves me in serious discussion in case I have a meltdown over something I don't like.
>>25134392
Well.
He is financially ruined
Living alone in the same house I lived in as a child where these memories happened
Waiting to die I guess
Not much else. I know he got married then divorced to another woman
Her life was ruined to as far as I know.
>thinking at the time that life could only get better
>knowing now that life has already peaked and you'll never be that happy again
Fuck, I want off this ride.
>>25134630
>knowing now that life has already peaked
Fuck man.
This is the feel that hits me hardest
>>25134630
>sudden realization there is no happier
>15 was happier than 21 and 21 will be happier than 26 and 26 will be happier than 31
why not just end it
Anyone else belive in reincarnation? Hope one day I am reborn in a American suburb and live the life you see in the movies
>>25134754
I bought puppies so I will have a reason not to kill myself.
>>25134837
What life do you live now?
Look at my shit life I was born into
>>25135068
>What kinda ethnicity u want senpai?
>Just fuck my bloodline up forever senpai
>spent my best years playing games
>"I have forever to get a gf"
>never did
>still khv
>wasted youth
>>25134754
My 34th birthday is in two weeks. I know most of you guys are 25 and younger and feel like shit. Let me tell you that the hope you have in the back of your head that it will get better goes away. I'm 34 and I know it really is over for me. Even my autistic friend is married with kids now.
>>25135068
better then mine senpai
