Closest you guys ever came you guys ever came to suicide?
I attempted about a week after my girlfriend got hit by a train in 2010
Pic related
>>24949374
Did she make herself get hit by the train?
I put a gun to my head in 8th grade because of all the bullying.
>just ignore them, they'll stop
Yeah, bullshit
I've also come close to slitting my jugular in college. Had the knife pressed into my skin. I just needed that little bit more of push and I could have embraced the sweet release of death
>cut my wrists proper like on the couch
>dad wakes up to get some water out of the fridge
>never ever does this i usually have the living room to myself all night with no interruptions
>I'm starting to pass out
>he tries to carry me out side but I'm a big guy
>drags me down the stairs by my feet through the door and gets me in the car somehow
>takes me to the hospital which is literally across the street
>get saved
I feel really bad about putting him through that, suicide really is selfish.
sat at the edge of a bridge in like 9th grade or some shit, looking down at the river. realized the current wasn't strong enough to take me, so I didn't do it. nothing since then, though I think about it most days.
>>24949409
No, the train chased her down.
I tied a noose around my neck in 7th grade because of intense feeling when no gf, anxiety, and inadequacy
>>24949599
7th fucking grade? You shouldn't be thinking about girlfriends and inadequacy when youre 12 years old
>>24949993
What else do you think about in middle school?
>>24950057
Definitely not attempting suicide because I don't have a girlfriend
Maybe school
Algebra I
4chan seems a lot more suicidy than i remember. But then i guess i spend less time masturbating now so i read more of these posts. I wonder how many anons killed themselves while i was jerking off.
>>24949374
>girlfriend
You should've jumped in front of it too, normie.
>actually hung myself from my treehouse in middleschool but immediately pulled myself up
>constantly holding my guns to my head
>>24949409
No, she owed the train money.
How do you manage to get hit by a train? sounds like natural selection at work.
>>24950791
She took drugs to cope with some bad shit that was happening.
She fell on to the tracks while intoxicated
I don't want to talk anymore about it really
Took a bottle of normal pain meds and took a bunch just hurt my chest and made me pass out. Also tried poisoning myself when I was 16 didn't di anything at all. Tried hanging myself from a door knob but that didn't work well at all. Gonna buy some rope Monday and wait until a day no one is home and hang myself of off the back porch.
>>24949584
Why would you do it on the couch. You are selfish because you're a man
>>24950965
Why leave it for your family? cruel bastard
>>24951072
Because I'm an asshole. They just bitch about me anyways.
>>24949584
>suicide really is selfish.
Nope parents bringing you into this fuck up world is selfish.
When I was 10, I tied a dog leash to my neck and tried to hang myself from the doorknob because school was absolute hell. I don't know why people hated me but they did. Even the special ed kids would pick on me because fuck it, everyone else was doing it.
>doorknob
>mfw I was too stupid to an hero
Now I want to again because I don't know what the fuck to do with my life. Im in community college taking basics and making A's and B's but what the fuck for?
Maybe being alone for so long has gotten the best of me.
My dad kept a really cool-looking knife in his toolbox (smith&wesson maybe, but i don't really remember. some /k/omrade will probably haul off on me going "THEY DON'T EVEN MAKE KNIVES YOU SHIT"). it was super sharp and all. the first time i found it i sat in the garage just folding it back and forth thinking about doing myself in with it. i did that a lot during middle and high school. i think i cleared the suicidal phase of my life though. i'm gonna try and get an easy job with low pay i can just subsist on and wait to die while playing video games.
Looped a belt around the post of my bunk bed and was ready to go in 7th grade.
I was an early starter, my first real attempt was in grade 6 when I drank paint in hope of ending my life. Needless to say it didn't work, and I ended up getting my stomach pumped.
I just wanted the bullying and costant feeling of sadness and self hate to end.
Since then I've tried like 3 or 4 times, but failed or backed out because I'm a pussy. Probably gonna end before I hit 25.
>>24951370
I know exactly what you mean man, I'm in the exact same situation. I don't want to live, just waiting to die. What's your major? Are you in college?
>>24951510
no, i graduated with the easiest major i could find after i lost my will to do shit. i've been working as a used-car salesman but i don't want to live here. i'm going to quit and move, get a manual labor job or data entry or something where i don't have to interact with customers.
>>24951021
I wanted to be comfy
I took a drug overdose opiate+benzo+alcohol+sleep meds+heart pills
grind them all up and parachute them. don't remember anything after that but apparantely I feel through this glass thing in my house and my parents called the wamberlamps and then I came close to dying and I was in a coma for like 9 days or something they said if the ambulance was 5-10 minutes later I would certainly be dead
they made me spend 5 months in a psych ward holy shit
also, I was massivly addiccted to benzos a the time so when I came to I was in a fucking alzheimers ward for some fucked up reason and no shit on the bed next to me is some old guy (who had the same name as me) with a nurse wrist deep in his trying to work out opiate compacted shit, and I was in massive benzo/venlafaxine withdrawal plus I had been in a coma I felt so fucking terrible never have I ever wanted to die so badly and I felt like such a failure I couldn't even kill myself, and then this gigantic fat black nurse called "mercy" waddled in and ripped a catheter out of my dick that I didn't even know was there
and then my parents came in and were all sad and shit and my mom is so retarded she's like "are you glad you're alive are you glad you didn't die?" and then I just broke down and sobbed and said no I want to die oh god it was so bad all these withdrawals and my body was killing me and they gave me nothing but apap I had to stumble into the hall and then some bitch recognised me and starting talking to me like I knew her wtf I'm like I have no idea who you are please give me benzos I need valium she's like you don't remember me? we just had a massive conversation and I talked with you yesterday? wtf anyway she brought me some lorazepam which didn't help and then this crazy irish nurse wouldn't stop talking to me about how in poland or some shit their lives were so hard and how they had
>>24951123
It's scary that all it takes for a man to lose compassion and love for his family is them complaining
>>24951703
to wheelbarrow dirt to make vegetable gardens and then she showed me her charm bracelet and gave all the stories of them and gave me this little nigger one wtf
ok so I jus got up and walked to the shower trying to desparetely find something to hang myself with but there was nothing the towel wouldn't tie up properly and there was nothing to hang it to and my hands were shaking so bad I just lay undr the water crying
ok and then it was getting nighttime o all these tard wranglers are trying to settle down these crazy alzheimers people and these two ladies next to me facing eachother from across the room would not stop fucking BICKERING holy shit they're all like oh you're just an old crazy cow you fucking bitch and then one of them hops up and starts stumbling round the room making all these tard noises I'm in excruciating pain and she stumbles over to my fucking bed WHYYY there's like 20 beds in this room she picks me and start mumbling all this crazy shit and falls on my bed all the tard wranglers are trying to control her of course one of them is this massivley gay faggot nurse who comes and sits on my bed creepily and talks to me like holy shit faggot go away anyway turned out the crazy bitch just wanted the curtain shut on the window took her no shit like 45 mins of stumbling around wailing making such a scene there's like 5-6 tard wranglers trying to get her back to bed the whole time this old bitch is just insulting her oh you crazy cow you've lost your marbles hahahaha no it's not funny I want to die RIGHT NOW WTF WHERE AM I I HAVE WOKEN IN HELL
>>24951642
I sincerely hope it works out for you and you can get a job where you can live a secluded life playing vidya in peace. I really hope it turns out well. Good luck.
>>24951786
depressed people perceive themselves as being a burden
>be me
>2013
>"clinically depressed"
>getting high on xanax and shit
>the day of suicide
>i got into arguments with literally everyone i know
>decide im fucking done on this goddamned planet
>take all the xanax and prozac i have along with alcohol
>mom realises empty pill boxes
>rushed to the hospital immidiately
>spent 2 days in hospital
Thats the closest i got
So far.
>>24951822
I know that feeling, so I don't want to be more of a burden by letting them find my body or clean up my blood. I am $50 away from buying a gun and I have a spot in the woods all picked out. I have my issues with my mom but I still wouldn't hurt her that way
bought a gun after my gf died of cancer a few years back, felt like pulling the trigger but I wasn't man enough, I still have the gun in a drawer
>>24949374
>after my girlfriend got hit by a train in 2010
What a dumb bitch lol.
>>24949374
Wokeup on Thanksgiving morning and put a gun to my head. Pussied out though. Things just keep getting worse, but until I can't afford alcohol anymore, it'll be put off.
>>24949374
Right now I am completely lost. I have no idea what to do next. I have tried many times to improve my situation, but it is never going to get better. It may however get much worse. I want to have magical powers. I've made people who love me hate me. This is the first time I've felt like this. Feels kind of empty and numb with the occasional burst of anxiety. No direction. No clue. Sinking. And getting older. Older and more alone. Getting scary. Don't want to be scared. Feels bad. Very scared. Weakened.
I wrote my first suicide note in college about three years ago. I planned on slitting my wrists that night but I managed to sleep it off. It's been that level on and off since.
I think I've successfully dug myself a deep enough hole to finally force myself to get it over with though. I will be surprised/disappointed if I make it through February.
>>24951703
>>24951801
gud read tb.h
Sup robots, i want to share this, ill just leave it here
>my grandfather was a WWII soldier
>taken from home when he was 19yo polish kido
>join war as communications
>survived war with only a scar in the leg from a hand grenade
>leaves desolated europa to america
>get work at fishing vessel
>get enough money to buy land and build a house
>get woman, get 2 kids, one is my mom and other uncle
>mom get college degree
>uncle borderline looser manchild
>me and my brother both mental issues, manchilds
how in the fuck genetics works? i can ever imagine if a truck lands at my home and took me by force at war, probably die in a week
>funiest thing is i found a picture of him in some war camp, he was chad tier, lived at 87yo
why im so fucking weak, i just want a piece of the spirit my grandfather had
Held my old AK to my head once during 10th grade because I was going through hell that year, did the same with my CZ 75 during 11th grade because I moved and felt like I couldn't adapt to how different it was where I moved, and because a girl that was interested (like a lot) in me said she couldn't have a bf was dating someone a week later. Shit's rough yo. I'm pretty sure I had some form of PTSD from 10th grade that carried on to 11th grade, I was always tired, my eyes looked dead, and I took everything dead serious.
Anyone want to hear what happened in 10th grade?
>>24952704
Slavs are genetically inferior, that's why.
>>24953742
>Anyone want to hear what happened in 10th grade?
Were youraped?
>>24953812
No sir, still interested?
>>24953854
I guess so. If you say you have PTSD it had better be good.
>>24953854
>>24953871
Or bad. You know what I mean.
went and got my mom's handgun out of the closet again a few months ago. stared in the mirror and held it to my head, fully loaded just to better visualize what it would be like to pull the trigger. scared myself a little and put it back up. maybe next time i can do it. i've looked at it before and held it. but that's the furthest i've gone.
>>24949374
>in r9k
>letting women define you
>>24949374
>be me, 21yo
>failing on uni
>relations with parents completely fucked up
>literally zero friends, not even those guys to hang up with
>kissless, hugless, hand-heldless virgin
>decided to finally end myself
>drove my shitty old hatchback car to the local forrest behind the town
>grabbed towing rope from the trunk
>threw it over the firmly looking branch of a tree
>tied one end to the towing hook underneath the rear bumper
>climbed on the car's roof
>took a measure of a rope's length
>tied the other end of the rope around my neck
>one step forward
>knew the towing rope is flexible but i didn't expected it to be flexible that much
>i hit the ground unprepared, fracturing my left ankle
>the suddenly strained towing rope left a reddish burn mark around my neck
>drove my car with to the hospital
>literally tears of pain are coming from my eyes everytime i stepped on the clutch pedal
>told the doctors i just tripped over the curb
Last month on the 20th, day before my birthday.
Wanted to try the normie shit life one last time before I checked out tommorow at the time.
>get to some random club
>fucking shitty club music, colour me surprised
>end up drinking 7 shots and 3 kamikazes
>fucking Polak/Russian tolerance I have, thanks genes
>go outside in my shirt to take a break
> -5c or 23f for my amerifriends
>coat's in the coatroom
>hey this could look like an accident
>sit down in a secluded bit of the street
>drift away
>wake up home
>mother's screeching at me
>can't even gather what the fuck she is saying
>sleep for another hour
>sit down at my desk and see a filled out EMT note
>hypothermia, body temperature at 33c instead of 36.6 / 91f instead of 98f
>unresponsive, pale, shivering and cool - someone ended up calling an ambulance
>apparently I managed to give them dad's phone number and he took me home instead of the hospital
>get lectured throughout the day and the days ahead with the same shit
>accept it, not like I'll admit to suicide
>happy birthday to me
At least I got an SSD and some other nice things.
>>24953871
>>24953879
By ptsd I mean like flashbacks that fucked with me a lot and made me a different person throughout 11th grade, anyway ill make a list of things that fucked me up during 10 th grade that had major effects on me throughout 11th
>living with my grandparents because my parents had far away jobs for the time being (talking like 300 miles away)
>all my "friends" from 9th grade straight abandoned me
>moms cousin who is a total asshole lives rent free with my grandparents in their house while talking shit all day and going to his dead end job
>had same monotonous routine every day
>literally no one was my friend for the entirety of the year
>many people hated me for no goddamn reason at school
>rumors spread around about me
>mom's cousin never shut up about how I was raised wrong
>girl that I had interest in completely severed ties with me (different girl than previously mentioned)
>cold all the goddamn time
may have missed a few, but it was rough, I previously was a pretty normal kid before 10th grade, but a part of me is lost to that year, I remembered having flashbacks all the time in 11th grade that seriously affected my ability to interact with people.
It may not seem too ptsd worthy, but to a kid who previously led a normal life, that year really messed with me.
>>24954250
That's just how people are, if you were weak enough to trust them you deserved it.
At least you know now.
>>24954250
and you say this were the reasons for your ptsd, huh? man, you'd be ears-deep in ptsd if you'd had to live few years of my childhood.
>>24954282
Story time!
Tell us all about it!
>>24954282
I never meant full on ptsd, I got over it by 12th grade , but it still hindered me as a person, ptsd was an exaggeration, I should have worded that differently.
it just tremendously sucked.
if you ever tried suicide and failed you're just a emotional normie who did it for attention
get the fuck out
>>24951150
this is so true and i think about it a lot
>>24950839
Deserved it to be honest friend
>>24954322
nothing much to say imho.
>been bullied in school - typical bully situation. got beaten, my personal bellongings stolen or just damaged for their lulz.
>classmates drew a giant dick on my beige pants with sharpies and then proceeded to beat the shit out of me as usual.
>i, being a total retard, always tried to defend myself. i just made it more enjoyable for them actualy.
>teacher was almost exclusively on the side of bullies, blaming me for the fuss
>got a streak of disciplinary punishments from her (the teacher)
>parents believed the teacher instead of me. beating from both on daily basis
>it was just another fuel for bullies to keep going harder
>it went so far ive got beaten by them in front of my parents
>parents who love to mock me on any ocassion just laugh, probably thinking it's some child play
>tfw my bruises are not healing fast enough, there are always new covering the old. some of them from my classmates, some from my father
>meanwhile home
>father goes really mad with each letter sent from school
>he starts to beat me everyday. when i ask why, he says its preemptive and that every hit must be worth it
>sometimes he's really mad, locking me in my room and coming to beat the shit out of me without a single word every 15 minutes
>he just sits on my chair, stares at me blankly, then he suddenly goes berserk
>he began to use fists when i was 13
>first punches goes in stomach and then in face, got black eye'd few times, for the class' amusement
>he rarely brakes his silence, screaming he will chop my head of with an axe
>sometimes i don't even know why i'm getting beaten
>when i was 17 i finally gathered enough courage and put all my strentgh in the single punch aimed for my father's face
>he didn't knew i've been lifting alone with improvised weights just to do this single thing
>beating stops immediately. he looks scared of me now. i'm 26 and you can still see the uncertainty in his eyes.
>mother was far worse though
>>24954654
the story continues
>mother was far worse though
>she kept crying alot, blaming me for anything bad that happened to our family
>the mental pain was terrible compared to the physical pain caused by father
>sometimes she went completely nuts
>tears pouring from her reddish eyes
>screaming in raspy hysteria voice "everything is your fucking fault, anon, only yours!"
>this was enough for my father to step in and beat me again
>i never knew what was fault
>she liked to slap my face really hard. i often had red hand-shaped imprints on my cheeks from her
>she kept hitting me until her hands were in pain, blaming me for it and that i made her to do it
>she often cried locked in a bedroom. when i was sincerely affraid of her, she yelled at me that she's going to kill herself because of me
>she liked to do these scenes on public, often putting me in great shame of something
>i was 12yo then
>i remember every beating. every scene.
>it returns to me almost every day, filling me with bitterness and anger but also with sadness, loneliness and desperate need for some soulmate willing to listen
>and that's how i became robot
>>24954654
>>24954753
Not person you're talking to , but that's so sad. I almost cried. How could people do that to you? You didn't deserve all of what happened at all. I hope life gets better for you, even if it was shitty at the start. One day, I hope you'll find your soulmate. One question though, did your mother have a mental illness? Her words and actions seem like that of a mentally ill person.
>>24954865
thanks anon. i don't talk about this too much. i just feel i would annoy others or that i'm giving them something to use against me. that's why i decided to post it here. i just don't trust people anymore.
there has been even more shit in my life. this post is from me either >>24953986
i also got hit by a car recently. got fractured ribs, ruptured spleen and left kidney and my digestive system failed completely.
sometimes i feel i must be simply jinxed. one of my friend is in to that divination shit. i don't believe this but she insisted on divination from my left palm, because it is closer to the heart. large scar over my "line of life" completely freaked her out. she said i'm going to have really shitty life (there was more but this was the meaning). as i said, i don't believe in this esoteric shit but sometimes i feel she might was right.
and about the mother, i don't even know. as far as i know she never been at psychologists/psychiatrics but she's on antidepressants now.
>>24954753
That is horrible anon. I know it's unlikely but I hope one day you can feel better.
>>24949409
she was asking for it, train was a pretty cool guy
>>24955055
Your story is a tragedy anon. The saddest I've ever read here. That you still care enough about anything to even come here and talk about it amazes me. With a toxic environment like that I'm amazed you haven't just gone away yet, but I'm glad you're so resilient in some way. Something is keeping you going, it sounds like.
>>24954467
Wow, you're so dark and edgy can I fuck you?
>>24951801
Something similar happened to me and I almost died from a pentobarbital OD but I am a shit writer so won't bother
>22
>been at psych ward for the past 6 moths
>finally get out
>nothing has changed
This was my plan
>take all the benzos I hava
>tie a plastic bag over head
>pass out and suffocate to death
Turns out I didn't have enough benzos. Got drowsy as shit but it wasn't enough, I ripped the bag off when I started suffocating.
I'm 23 now. I have a shit ton of benzos and I'm just waiting for the right moment. Because lets face it, if you spend 6 moths at a ward and still don't get better, you never will.
>>24954151
Wow, this is really quite an elegant and beautiful way to go
i got intoxicated with carbon monoxide, not by choice, but when i got really dizzy it seemed like a peaceful way to go. That being said, dying is easy, living and coping with yourself and others around you is the hard part
>>24955389
In a way you're lucky to have been put in a psych ward. It's kind of proof that in a way someone cares enough to try keep you alive.
If I tried to kill myself again people would barely notice
>>24954151
this could be you, anon
>>24955408
How so? I'll probably vomit at some point so whoever finds me (probably my sister) and takes the bag off will find a head covered in vomit. Really elegant.
Basic exit bag. Really handy though, if you're a coward like me who can't handle hanging or getting hit by a train.
>>24954654
>>24954753
You're either going to be a serial killer or a suicide statistic.
Have fun.
>>24955483
Fuck this conversation is depressing dude.
I wish someone would just kill everyone in this thread. I don't even want to have to make the decision myself. I've a;ready tried to an hero 3 times now and even just the mind state needed to do it is mentally damaging and that's to say nothing of the PTSD you will invariably get as you violently experience death (or get saved like I have.)
>>24955542
Everyone in this thread is probably hoping to get killed. So thanks, I hope that happens too.
What methods have you tried? Failing three times is a pretty good achievement.
>about to graduate, senior year of HS
>lived in abusive household, seriously depressed
>contemplated suicide every day
>finally bought helium tank, mask, and CPAP tubing
>went outside, pulled up lawn chair
>set up my equipment, about to turn the valve
>but then
>get a text
>from her
>"Hey anon, it's been a while. Want to get lunch tomorrow?"
I'm at uni now and she went to a different college. That being said, I couldn't be happier to be away from my parents and I'm glad I didn't take my life because a week after that night some kid drowned and he got so much attention, and I realized that if I were to take my own life everyone would be talking about you.
>>24955679this never fucking happened.
>>24949409
She falsely accused the train of rape so she had it coming i guess..
>>24955579
I sourced pentobarbital from a corrupt pharmaceutical salesman in China which in my experience is the cleanest way possible to die. The most unpleasant part is the taste (which is so bad it temporarily stains your tastebuds) but worth it considering probably everyone in this thread dreams of a magic pill that will painlessly kill them. Well ... pentobarbital is that pill if you don't freak out at the last minute and call an ambulance. I only had minutes left of consciousness but it was still long enough for me to panic and have last thoughts which I guess I am simultaneously thankful and miserable for. I am really only posting right now because of luck. All I had left to do was lie down and wait to be unconscious and I wouldn't be here right now ... That's quite a lot to think about.
The other times were massive ODs on various drugs. MDMA one time and research chemicals another ... although MDMA was the worst of the two. You honestly have no idea how scary it is to overdose on MDMA. At the doses you can die on: MDMA becomes a whole other drug which i's a lot closer to LSD or ketamine than how its traditionally experienced (as it becomes incredibly dissociative.) The psychological effects of the drug were such that I actually found myself lying down content with the fact that my heart was now beating so fast that the pauses between the beats were indiscernible. Incredibly, I had actually decided to die that time but I was honestly so scared of what dying would be like that I called for help. It wasn't like how before where I changed my mind at the last minute. I genuinely wasn't ready for death.
These near death experiences gave me flashbacks that lasted years. Most of the time I can't have people bring up anything that happened as it brings back memories of intense panic that I can barely cope with. The only reason I'm posting about this now because I'm on sleeping pills (not an attempt) and detached.
>>24949374
I went to a bridge and started climbing over the railings, but decided it wasn't a good way to die so I stopped
>>24949409
sorry about that, I meant she got a train ran on her by a few of her black guy-friends
English isn't my first language.
>>24955715
Believe what you want to, the tank and tubing are in the back of my parent's garage.
>>24955745
I couldn't sneak a helium tank in my room, and I like going outside at night to get away from home. Besides, my parents went through my room all the time so it would have been impossible to do so indoors.
>>24955746
That sounds really shitty, sorry it left such deep scars. MDMA sounds terrifying.
My attempt didn't really affect me much. I mean I fellt really bad because I thought I was going to die and I was ok with it, had made all the arrangements, and then it didn't happen. I thought it was impossible for me to keep living after that, but I got over it and now the memory just gives me motivation to be more careful next time so I don't fail again.
>>24955872
Yeah, you have no idea, trust me. After the MDMA OD I developed panic disorder that was so severe that there were talks of me being institutionalized. If you can imagine the stereotype of a typical psychiatric patient being panicked and afraid of everything: that's how I was pretty much all the time but unfortunately with the perfect clarity of being fully aware of my situation. I remember in those days: valium was literally the only life line I had. Anything could potentially trigger a panic attack for me and I was constantly on the edge of panic at any given moment. I couldn't even watch TV, movies, or play games because the noises were so intense that they would scar me. Plus, I couldn't go outside either since I'd jump at the slightest shit. I probably also broke a world sleep record when I didn't sleep for over 2 solid months.
Apparently the brain still has micro-sleeps but I would question that because my brain was so damaged after the OD that sleep was impossible. That's actually one of the things serotonin helps regulate: mood and sleep. So if you fuck with your serotonin systems by frying everything with MDMA then you will have a new understanding what misery is. It's actually surprising how much one person can endure ...
Surprisingly, the pentobarbital OD wasn't as bad even though it was the most effective for achieving death. After I ODed on that: I ended up in the ICU for a few days. Since pentobarbital is a potent sedative at the doses needed for euthanasia I simply went to sleep and my body was paraylized making breathing impossible without a machine... Anyway, since I am probably one of the only people alive right now to have experienced this: let me tell you a secret about this drug. At doses needed for death: pentobarbital becomes profoundly hallucinogenic. It's just that no one has ever seen this stage of the drug before since they're all dead. I don't think this knowledge is even on Erowid.
>>24956076
What type of things did you experience when hallucinating?
>>24950057
Pokemon, at least for me
>>24956076
How did you get past the severe panic attack phase? I assume you're doing at least a little better now.
>be allergic to peanuts
>one day feeling really low so just get all the nut products I have at home at eat all of them
>nothing happens
>welp, guess that's not working out
>two hours later, suddenly go into complete shock while mum is home
>airways closing, collapse on the floor
>wake up in hospital
>mom tells me she called an ambulance
>tell her that I must have ate something without realising
>fairly sure she believes me
>too scared to think about doing it again
>>24956277
Scared of what? Dying, failing?
How'd it feel when it happened? Was it like suffocating?
>>24956389
Dying, the whole experience made me realise that I'm a massive pussy
Yeah pretty much, all I can remember is gasping for air on the floor before I woke up in a hospital bed. Still not sure why it took so long, I expected it to be fairly quick if not instant
>>24949374
I've probably put a pistol in my mouth about 20 times.
Pulled the trigger back one time until I hit the break.
One time during my usual self mutilation sessions, I completely snapped and kinda blacked out and came to later in the shower holding this knife and I had just torn myself apart.
Literally every surface of my exposed body was covered in cuts.
Lost count around 800.
Four occasions I can think of where I drank unknown excessive amount of alcohol and vomited lashing in my puke and stuff passing out.
I sort of attempted my first semester of college. I was planning to go toartschool in chicago but my parents were too worried about me being unstable so i went to state school. I felt like shit all the time but was convinced if I made out the semester ok I would be able to go to chicago and life would be better. Spent all my time either in class or smoking weed/drinking and hanging out with friends to distract myself. My roommate was also a fucking slob so our room always smelled like shit so I wandered around outside a lot. Eventually convinced myself that I was in some kind of alternate reality or I was in a coma and by realizing and acting on this I'd be able to reach another plane of existence. Wandered to a park in the middle of the night with a bunch of exacto blades and got tons of visions of myself dying there. Sat on the swings cutting my wrists.
I started to feel shitty about not talking to anyone (all my friends were busy or out of town) so I called my therapist for some reason. She came and picked me up and my parents drove me to the hospital and I went to a ward for a month.
I'm honestly glad I didn't go through with it. I'm not going to school in chicago but I think things are going better for me and I'm grateful for that.though part of me is still convinced i died in that park
>>24955766
Bretty funny
>>24950839
>She fell on to the tracks while intoxicated
why do so many drunk people pass out on railroad tracks
It happened like three times when I was in college.
>>24956568
Iktfb. Alrhough it's irrational and I know that it couldn't have happened in the traditional sense, I too feel as if I idc a few years ago. It's hard to explain.
>>24957222
Died*
I can't spell too
>>24949374
2013, I had laid a tarp out in my room and sat in the corner about to jam a knife into my neck. Then I heard the garage door open and pussed out, no one was supposed to be home during my attempt.
I've attempted suicide a few times when I was younger. I never had access to anything that would really kill me though.
I've been on and off like every antidepressant and sleeping med you can think of. I had a bag full of them.
I filled the tub one day and took a bunch of them and fell asleep under the water. My mom came home earlier than expected since she like never comes home before 10pm gave me CPR and called an ambulance.
They had to pump my stomach and all that shit and I woke up in the hospital a day or so later and had to go to the loony bin again.
