Aspergers
Images are sometimes not shown due to bandwidth/network limitations. Refreshing the page usually helps.
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
>Only know 3 streets around the neighborhood I've lived my entire life
>Have been total shut-in since I was 13
>Miles behind every human being around me
>Stay quiet whenever I'm around other people
>Can't really speak to anyone
>Can only speak with my family
>Stopped talking completely to my 2 friends from high-school
>They probably only tolerated me in the first place
>Can only talk to 14 year old kids in Arma 3
>Even when I talk to them I can only talk to them about Arma 3
>Can't talk to anyone that's 16 or older
>Constantly lonely and have no one to talk to
>Nobody worth talking to
>Will probably never find a good friend in this world
>Marvel at the way other people move when they encounter a job
>The way people outside of my family interact with one another is incredible
>Perform so poorly at my job working with my father hanging cabinets that people laugh when they see me do anything
Somebody recently told me I probably have Aspergers. I think it might be true. I don't know what to do anymore /r9k/.
Does anyone else on here have Aspergers? I don't know if I have it. I think I do. It would explain so much about my life. I don't know how I will get a job if something happens to my dad. I can't function normally around other people. I've just been living my life so scared of everything.
i'm behind, don't/can't talk, have no friends, and can't look people in the eye
i'm not sure what i have
no one's ever told me i have aspergers tho
i think i belong in a home though because i could never be independent fully i don't think
Why live scared? You aren't getting a second life after this one, why not just say"fuck it" and face risk like a man?
Kind of have a growing resentment toward my parents for not knowing the signs earlier (going in to see a specialist for possible diagnosis in January, have been talking with Uni counselor since September). I feel like 19 is probably too late to really help me with it or reverse the damage the social-rejection due to it has done to my social-anxiety. How the fuck could they not notice this shit
>Memorize hundreds of dinosaurs by age 5; weight, length, wingspan, height, etc.
>Annoy other kids on playground until they beat me up because I can't take a hint
>Hate all sports, but still get forced to play them
>Become obsessed with naval artillery by age 12, still obsessed to some degree
>Become obsessed with Rome at 11
>Military history in-general becomes an obsession
>Socially isolate myself over two school years to study Napoleon's campaigns (I was 16-17)
>Somehow fall into a small circle (5 people) of friends
>All go to different university's
>More comfortable with Professors than with fellow students
>Argue about the properties of Roman arches with art professor
>Several weeks later tell her she is believing British propaganda about Napoleon
>My walk is based on Prussian military marching, I have recently discovered
My expertise in history was enough to get me by socially in high school, simply because I had a prolific reputation for being one of the smartest (if not the smartest) guy in school (though, that didn't get me laid because I can't socialize worth a damn), but on a 13,000 person campus, it isn't helping me at all beyond making me look like an even bigger autist than I am.
>>24655215
I can't.
I've been this way since I was born.
It's so hard to go against something so ingrained into my nature.
I just can't stop being afraid.
>>24655500
>I was literally the same way, except instead of military history, I was more concerned with geography
>by the age of 14 I could locate literally any country on the map
>I developed an obsession with small and obscure countries like monaco (pic) and could literally give you a 2 hour lecture on the entire history of san marino.
>I had literally no friends besides one guy that I played video games with, but thats it
>I was more knowledgeable about the world than most of my teachers
>I had literally NOBODY who I could talk to about anything I would find even remotely interesting
>all of my teachers commented on how I talked as if I was giving a speech to the president even though I was just asking them if they had and spare pencils.
>I grew incredibly attached to world war 1 recently and am completely fascinated by the Gallipolli landings and the ANZACS
I have a confirmed aspergers diagnosis and my life couldnt get any more boring
What's the difference between aspergers & autism?
>>24656554
aspergers is a kind of autism
>>24656554
aspergers victims usually are able to become self aware of their suffering. Autists usually live in their own little world and remain forever in a dreamlike void. While autists usually obsess over one thing, they tend to lack in some mental faculties and may require help living, or worst case scenario, be put in a group home. Aspergers can live on their own and pretend to function normally. but this is my understanding without going hard into psychology
>>24656614
So aspergers can live - work like normal people? Always thought I had either one or the other
>>24656520
I tend to get an obsession that will absorb me for a couple weeks or so that is somewhat related to the overarching topics (e.g. I will spend a couple weeks downloading French Second Empire military uniforms to the point of checking prices of reproductions), then move onto something else. Do others do this?
>>24655091
man up already
>>24656845
you cant man up from acute mental disorders>>24656803
same here, sometimes I get completely overwhelmed with a subject to the point that I bought an authentic ww1 british uniform but now it is just sitting in my closet.
>>24656799
They keep changing the classification, but for the most part aspergers is the highest functioning form of the autistic spectrum, but it still means you are mentally in the shitter
>>24656948
Thinking I am going to get a Soviet-era greatcoat for Christmas, as it will be versatile in terms of my interests in military history, as well as being useful for actual weather.
>>24656980
Where would you even get one of those? It just seems for me anyways to be a waste to wear historical artifacts to the elements to get fucked up, but if it a reproduction then sure
>>24655091
Even if you have asperger's do NOT get a diagnosis or on record therapy for it as an adult, it will completely fuck you over in jobs that require a clean psychological record. If you're higher functioning you can probably do these jobs anyway, albeit less socially than normal people.
Never admit to having any kind of metal illness or disorder, the stigma will make people worried you'll shoot up a school.
>>24657041
There are literally millions in surplus places in the former USSR that were either never issued or were sold after the war. Can get them on e-bay for various prices, depending on who they were intended for. One intended for an infantryman is usually about $25 (not including shipping), whereas one intended for a general-ranking officer is usually anywhere from around $400 - 3000. Greatcoats are also pretty durable.
>>24657046
High School was a complete shitfest for me too, I felt that no matter what I did, I literally would just not belong anywhere and sat alone. I got so bored I began to lay the framework to my own constructed language in like 3 full 90 page notebooks
>>24655091 (OP)
I was going ok and had many friends
(because I was funny( until when I was 13. I was even elected vice class captain and a vice class representative of student council when I was in grade school
Then social anxiety and paranoia took over and the rest of high school was goddamn miserable.
>>24657079
25$? I really didnt know what I was expecting seeing that you can buy actual soviet mosin nagants for like 80 dollars
>>24657146
Well, you have to figure, the Soviet Army had about 4 million men with conscription terms of two years, so they had to make a lot, even if they reused most of them.
>>24656614
Don't really consider myself a "victim" but it's pretty much like you just described it. Imagine being autistic, but totally, painfully aware of it and not being able to do much of anything about it. That's aspergers. Today I made a pee bottle joke in front of my study group. Didn't realize those weren't funny until they didn't laugh. It's like being made of spaghetti.
>>24657136
The normies just elect autists for pity purposes and a good laugh, in my school they voted for a literal retard.
>>24657274
you can do it anon, make a list of 50 long-term goals you want to accomplish in the next 4 years
>>24657356
How tf are we supposed to have that many?
Not the anon quoted, but I can think of only this many:
>graduate uni
>get a gf
>have a social life
>continue higher education
>>24657274
It honestly hurts, alot of people on this board complain about lacking a girl friend or whatever, but honest to god I have lost all desire for the love of a women. Anybody really. Its both astonishing and depressing how I relate to 100 year old rifles and helmets more than I have ever related to another human being in my life
>>24655091
I mean, it might be asperger's, but it's probably not JUST, asperger's. You probably already knew that.
The good news is that while asperger's is pretty much intractable, the other stuff, the anxiety and depression, can be fixed, mostly, with exercise, diet, vitamin D, and slow reintroduction into society. I was a shut-in for 2 years. Now I'm still a loser and socially retarded but I'm no longer afraid to talk to people and i even have an irl friend! Don't focus on how you are relative other people. Just focus on improving and making tangible progress.
>>24655091
Social Anxiety and ptsd from the years of onslaught awkward interactions pushing you towards nhilhism and niche/ intellectual hobbies that no one around you partakes in. Your just sexually frustrated.
>>24655500
You sound book smart, but lack the experience of applied "street smarts" also sexual frustration can cause you to be more timid and shy since you have a lot of unleashed anguish.
>>24657176
Ever play finest hour? well I fucking love this scene even if it looks like ass
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Q8CmmoNPvo
feels start from 1:20 onward
>>24657497
Game was my childhood. Loved that speech
>>24657537
The low quality choir singing still gives me chills, even now
>>24657457
>You sound book smart, but lack... "street smarts"
What the fuck does this normie meme even mean?
>>24657562
It means that if you are begging mugged you would try to reason with the mugger and not just drop your wallet and run
>>24655091
i have an important question i've been wanting someone to answer. how come autistic people still act autistic when they know the symptoms of autism? they should be able to recognize "hey, i'm being really autistic right now" and then stop being autistic, yet none of them ever do. why?
>>24657621
Depends if the mugger is armed, whether he is in a group, etc.
>>24657562
In metaphorical terms a person book smart would be able to distinguish between every rifle, maker, year, class etc. without the experience of shooting and a person street smart has a basic knowledge of a few rifles but has experienced shooting before and focuses on his skills as a sharpshooter rather then being able to classify each gun
>>24657655
Based on your logic, shouldn't the same be true of any psychological thing? Be it a disorder or otherwise? Since it is not true of them, therefore, your logic is incorrect.
>>24657457
"street smarts" is just another way for normies to undermine your intelligence while pretending to give you advice. My father was the kind of man who would constantly go on about how nothing I do, acedemic or otherwise would mean anything because I lacked street smarts. I think that I have won over him, due to him dying of liver cancer, and I am health. The dumb bastard
>>24657655
It boils down to the social aspect, when ever I try to talk to someone, Its like my mind turns to white noise, and even though I know that I am supposed to make eye contact, or to show expression, It just doesn't happen; due to me having to put forth all of my effort not to say something that would make me look like a idiot
>>24657670
I can do both. Want to get meself all of the infantry rifles used in WWI for shooting.
>>24657332
Still in general people liked me.
No one knew I had assburgers, including myself
>>24657740
If someone could put together a historically accurate firing range, with weapons from every era in it, I would go there everyday
>>24657497
its sad to see how shitty call of duty has become
the historical part was pretty interesting and the speech was nice
you'll never see anything like that in the new games
I always thought street smarts was knowing when to say what. Like knowing the right time to be sarcastic or the right time to make a joke, or the right time to be serious. what do i know though i browse 4chan.
Here is the biggest redpill: "aspergers" doesn't exist
>>24657776
world war 2 games have basically been overdone, in Europe for the most part. I would love to see a red orchestra 2 style game based on something that isn't usually presented, like the African front, or being a Filipino freedom fighter against the Japanese imperial army
>>24657780
"Street smarts" is slang for emotional intelligence, which is being socially adept and self-conscious to a healthy degree. That's it.
>>24657356
Thing is, I was making progress a few years ago: making eye contact, initiating open-ended conversations, etc. but realized I'm much happier just being the mildly autistic person I was meant to be. Wearing a mask is suffocating and the average normie is not worth the effort. Also, lists and long term planning don't work for me. Instead I live according to a fairly stable schedule such that no two days are very dissimilar, and am able to accomplish most of my goals as they arise in the short term.
>>24657793
oh I see, now all of my social anxieties and mental weak spots all just magically disappear! MIRACULOUS!
>>24657740
Noice, I hope it all works out for you
>>24657702
The more I encounter this, the more I think your sentiment is correct.
>>24657903
I hate how no matter what I ever did in high school, I was always back of the bus level outcast. Even when I programmed and built robots for the schools competitions (bringing home golds and silvers), I was just another loser and a creep. I never once have had hostile feelings towards anybody, yet I am dirt none the less
>>24657976
I kind of had a "heyday" in that, my reputation of intelligence and expertise in history made me fairly well liked. Basically, I was able to make my own autistic jokes that only had meaning for myself and (occasionally) the teacher, and everyone had to laugh or look like an uneducated pleb.
Now that I am no longer in the town that I cultivated that reputation, but a large Uni town, it doesn't work like that.
>>24658025
same here, sometimes I just sat in the back of class giggling about things that only I understood. But, instead of indulging the teacher, they and all the other students looked like I was some kind of maniac because I was giggling about (pic related) and nobody else found it funny.
Or how when I was in psychology class, whenever we talked about behavioral problems, I would imagine Sigmund Freud saying in a mocking german accent
>"ITZ BECAUSE ZU VANT TO KILL YOUR FATHER UND FUCK YOUR MOTHER!"
>>24656076
How old are you. You have the strength
>>24656076
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxGRhd_iWuE
>>24657976
DID YOU EVER WATCH HOW YOU BEHAVED? MAYBR YOU WERE A LOSER AND A CREEP
>>24658149
I don't remember most of what I joked about but, I do remember in my last year, I particularly lampooned the Portuguese and Spanish colonial Empires and their kekedness.
I also implied that Germans had no culture quite regularly. It was mostly just banter and complex memes. The peasantry was another favorite, as was Spartan pederasty.
>>24658331
yeah, maybe I was...
>>24658288
>think of all the people cheering you on
I will always think of you, clam harvesting Asian man.
>>24658362
IT IS POSSIBLE TO LEARN. APPLY YOUR MECHANICAL UNDERSTANDING ABILITY TO BODY LANGUAGE. SOCIALIZE, GET PRACTICE
>>24658348
Oh, and, of course, my all-time favorite: "Chivalry isn't dead, it never existed and was invented by romance novelists in the 1800's." It originally wasn't intended as a joke, but I looked on it as hilarious later.
>>24658348
Peasants are kind of funny
>>24658434
It does kind of sound like a neckbeard-y thing to say in retrospect huh?
>>24658439
They are more than "kind of". They created their own little governments that existed entirely in their heads and which could be safely ignored by the Lord of the Manor, because
>you need muh protection and land or you will die
>>24658463
Oh, no, I found it hilarious in retrospect because
>there are people who unironically believe chivalry was real and it is taught in textbooks
>people think that "protecting the weak" applied to anyone other than nobles down on their luck or captured noblemen & families
>>24658566
Wait, I have examples of my own OC, as examples of my humor.
Friends suck ass. I've moved from four different friends groups and now this one is starting to not invite me to anything even when I ask what's happening and such. Tbh they probably think I'm gay cause I haven't crushed any puss
>>24658566
Yeah, even when I was a kid I thought that the idea of a knight in shining armor coming to save the peasants from the invading hordes was far fetched. I always viewed knights more of just mercenaries and men from noble families with too much time and money on their hands
>>24658611
>anti-agricultural secret
>>24658611
I also once broke into a friend's house while she was on vacation and replaced various photos with photos of famous dictators (Mao, Assad, Saddam, Talaat Pasha, Stalin, Idi Amin).
>Complete fucking loon around the house the worst kind of loud annoying little shit making unbearable autismo noises and driving my family absolutely nuts and laughing when my autism noises get them angry
>Homeschooled up until 2nd grade
>Get thrown into public school
>Instantly get the shit beat out of me on a daily basis and turn into a loner recluse
>Straight A's in school, gifted classes first to finish anything and top student in everything
>Depression from getting treated like a subhuman all day fucks my shit up into an existential crisis
>Realize I am pointless and stop doing anything, become a cactus
>Somehow get by several grades doing nothing but acing the tests and doing 0 classwork/homework blowing off my life to play RuneScape
>Eventually get kicked out of school for not doing shit and rarely showing up
>Make it to 9th grade before my parents get tired of getting the cops to drag me to school and fighting over their defunct son
>Drop out age 13 and never leave the house again
>I'm 20 now
>Haven't brushed my teeth in 7 years
>Never learned how to drive, got a license or an ID
>Never had a relationship of any substantial meaning, not even with family
>Can't talk to anybody except for my parents, get heart pounding anxiety rendering me frozen and speechless, can't use phones and have a heart attack at even the sound of knocking
>Have spent more time talking to myself in the last 3 months than I have spent talking to other people in my entire life
>Never had a job
>Never had a friend
>Shower once a month
>Sleep with bugs every night in a meth addict infested apartment complex, appreciate their company
>Have talked to my pillow more than any other human being alive, have conversations with it for hours and gave it a personality and a name
>The pillow hates me anyway
>Failed killing myself several times
>Listen to music 14 hours a day
>Only interests in life are weather, music, space and nature
I might be autistic, I scored 160/200 neurodiverse on the test
>>24658703
I was thinking of making an OC of some kind of mountain climbing movie, but editing in Trotsky with an icepick or something. You make the joke up, I gave you the scenario
>>24658703
>not having Enver Hoxha in there as well
>>24658736
It sounds as if many of your problems come from more than just aspergers.
I have always wondered, what drives people to just neglect their hygeneie to such an extent.
Is it just laziness? or do you not have the emotional drive to get up brush your teeth?
Not trying to be rude, legitimately curious
>>24658789
Printer was running low on ink, though I wish I had gotten a good Hoxha in there now. Talaat was a pretty fresh one I think though
>>24658772
Making it as we speak. While waiting, enjoy this
>>24658850
Even when I was a kid I never brushed my teeth unless my parents forced me to.
I saw it as a waste of time.
I also got forced to take showers.
I mainly don't care about hygiene because I don't leave the house and have no reason to care since I'm going to die. I've lost a few of my teeth already and developed a bad skin condition. I gave up on everything at 13.
>>24658933
Talaat got what was coming to him, hey, maybe bad things do happen to bad people after all!
IDEA: use the meme of wolverine with the picture frame, edit Hoxha as wolverine, and in the picture frame have either a reference to the 500,00 useless bunkers, or Mao
>>24658942
Jesus Christ kid, you're a genius and you're going to let all that brainpower go to waste because you're a pathetic slob with no ambition.
I know your life was hard but the future is called the future because it's yours to create.
>>24659005
Too late for a fresh Hoxha meme tonight, but here is my Trotsky meme (I refuse to have Trotsky doing anything but being Icepicked, which is a plus, because I have the icepick that killed him on file)
>>24659130
something like this, I was not skill or good programs besides paint, but heres an idea if you are still there
>>24658736
I can't comment on most of that, but I know how it feels to be attached to your pillow. I hold mine a lot to feel a bit of companionship. This probably also explains why I slept with a stuffed animal until I was 13.
>>24659130
>>24659005
You guys would be great history teachers.
>>24659186
there is just something soothing and comforting about holding a cold pillow until it warms up in the dead of the night. I understand why weebs have those anime girl body pillows, I understand, I don't sympathize
>>24659187
I actually aspired to be a history teacher, try to have a job at a relatively decent school area. But then I realized that I would have to deal with shithead kids all day. When my cousin had a baby, I had nothing but disdain for the screaming little shit
>>24659005
Also
>useless
You(goslav) people are the reason we don't have artillery shelters throughout the entire world and don't have socialism yet.
>Can't remember names or faces well at all
>Can only talk to people when I'm explaining something, but thankfully it doesn't have to be related to my current obsession
>Don't intuitively understand social interaction
>Don't feel pleasure from the company of other people
>High IQ (158 officially as a kid, around 145ish on online tests currently) but poor social skills, so I am constantly exploited ("do <thing> for me because I can't figure it out") whenever I reveal my power level
>Intimidated by anyone who isn't prepubescent
>Love objects and hate change, so I'm obsessed with making things from scratch so my possessions never have to change due to a company no longer making a product
>I once cried myself to sleep because of the fact that one day my Pentium 1 laptop would one day no longer have replacement parts available, and the next day I decided to devote my life to making a functional computer from absolute scratch (natural resources)
>It's fucking stupid but I am compelled to do it
>My long term goal has a lot of prerequisite projects, and when people ask me why I do what I do I always spill my spaghetti because "I do this because I am compelled to" isn't an acceptable answer and explaining the whole situation would take hours.
It's an alright life I guess.
>>24659207
I don't sympathize with it either, but it is very comforting to hold a pillow and to imagine it to be a lover. It probably makes my behavior worse, but it genuinely relieves the loneliness.
>>24659260
How exactly do you plan to make a computer from scratch? Especially one compatible with all the other technology you'd presumably want to use with it? Are you going to make your own OS?
>>24655091
The fucking feel, OP.
I got tested back in 2005, but they couldn't make heads or tails because I was a dumb-ass kid and didn't give conclusive evidence.
ten years later, and I'm trying again. I think I might actually be diagnosed. Only at the time where I need it the least though.
It was always difficult for me because I come from a working class UK family, and every single one of them is really inexperienced with it all.
But after living my life in almost the exact same way as you, and everything else I've seen along the way. I'm almost certain I have it.
I just wanted someone to realise, and give a fuck.
Instead I was treated like a retard in a school that had no idea what to do with me.
Now I'm an adult, and I have no jobs, barely any friends, never had a gf, did shit in school cause I was so depressed and out of place, and my life is
GREAT
>>24657655
>talking to person
>wow I sound like such an autist right now
>oh no I can't stop
>quick reel it in maybe you can save the convo
>oh god I made it worse no please don't look at me like that
>maybe if I start mumbling they won't be able to hear me right and I can pretend I didn't say something dumb
>oh god now they're standing closer to hear please no
>>24659260
>Can't remember names or faces well at all
ME EITHER
My highschool was relatively small, ~100 people at most, and even thought I saw basically everyone in the hallways or in class, I could NEVER remember their names or faces. All of the girls just morphed into one big gelatinous blob in my mind called "Hannah" and all of the boys ignored me or actively avoided me so I never needed to try to know them.
>Can only talk to people when I'm explaining something, but thankfully it doesn't have to be related to my current obsession
Same here, I literally gain the confidence of a god when I am teaching something. I can stand in front of a podium and give the entire history of a war or country that interested me and when It was over, I sunk back down into a meek little nobody.
>Love objects and hate change
Same here, I just cant stand the fact that there are so many things to know already, but every day that passes, there is even more after that!
I wish time just stopped, that I lived forever.
>>24657655
I'm really lucky that the people I game/hang out with are honest with me and almost normal. When I start sperging they'll gently remind me - "Anon, you're being autistic". We all take the piss out of each other that way, but I think it's actually helped me.
It's also helpful to find someone worse then yourself as a primer for behaviors to try to avoid.
>>24659300
>How exactly do you plan to make a computer from scratch?
I've run through a lot of options, but currently I'm leaning towards the switching elements being magnetic amplifiers (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magnetic_amplifier) because they're low tech and robust. I've experimented with semiconductors and while making a diode is simple enough, mass production of transistors is too far up the tech tree to be reasonable for an individual. I could be wrong, though, so I might experiment more with silicon and other semiconductors in the future.
It will probably have a bit-serial architecture to cut down on the part count, and the memory will probably be a delay line of some sort.
Currently though, I'm working on the display by experimenting with manufacturing vacuum tubes, since a CRT seems to be the easiest display to make.
>Especially one compatible with all the other technology you'd presumably want to use with it?
I have no interest in compatibility, I would make all of the peripherals from scratch as well.
>Are you going to make your own OS?
Of course! This is actually not as hard as you'd think. I did it in high school as a computer science project; made a (very limited) DOS clone for the laptop I mentioned in my previous post.
Holy fuck if these are the symptons of aspergers, I think I have it.
>>24657655
because it's awkward and you're either hyperaware of yourself like "fucking be in control of every last nerve ending in your face or you're gonna look like a retard" or trying not to think of it and looking like a retard anyway because you don't realise you're 'making a face" or staring at someone's ass or making a dead baby nigger joke to a qt stacy
>>24659402
I think I only ever learned the names of most people in my grade, and maybe of a few people I happened to meet outside of it.
>I literally gain the confidence of a god when I am teaching something. I can stand in front of a podium and give the entire history of a war or country that interested me, and when it was over, I sunk back down into a meek little nobody
THIS. FUCKING. FEEL. ANON.
Last week, I gave a presentation on the Crisis of the Third Century (I got to choose the topic), and the prof. had our fellow students write things on the cards. Literally every single one mentioned my "confidence" as surprising them.
I cannot decide whether I do have that confidence, or whether (as other things on there are also similar to one-another's comments) the Prof pitied me and somehow told everyone to write the same thing on mine.
>>24659448
This still seems like a ton of work being put forth to make a new computer.
If you want a new computer just to shitpost on the internet with, I would recommend just getting some junky old thing from some family that doesn't want one.
Or is building a computer from scratch some kind of pet project?
>>24659480
Same, everyone had in my class had to give a presentation on one idea or concept that could be used to change the world. Alot of people chose stupid shit like "love can change the world!". I was that strange kid who did a 20 minutes presentation on the importance of micro nations and how valuable the concept of direct small scale government can be.
>I know its far fetched but it was my passion
what if I don't know quite what my interests are besides looking up cool facts and learning about whatever my mind itself decides is interesting? Like I don't necessarily like "planes" or presidents or things specific like that but I do have limited interests and have trouble getting myself into new stuff/finding new stuff to check out to the point that i've probably only seen like 4 new shows in the past 3 years. i was also depressed and dropped out of school so I could browse the webs and i hated everyone there, and their people smell being all packed in their like slaughter. my niche was more socialising and communities like forums and 4chan and trying to learn social cues and patterns and being in on gossip and people's stories to the point that I can't not read shit like that, it makes me a zombie. I can't even maintain a conversation though, yet i'm obsessed with people it sucks. No cool niche interest yet though, except the beatles and nutrition and general shit about the human body and mind and I love learning about manipulation and shit like people being sneaky or creative or an asshole, I like stories but not people themselves lel
>>24659402
>Same here, I literally gain the confidence of a god when I am teaching something
>>24659480
>THIS. FUCKING. FEEL. ANON.
One of my greatest fears is that this confidence and presumed public speaking ability is actually me dropping unknown amounts of spaghetti like the autists in cringe videos that go on for 20 minutes doing class presentations on ponies or anime. Whenever I explain something to a group I feel 99% sure I nailed it but then I occasionally notice someone giggling in the background and the fear sets in. If I were more socially aware I would understand what's going on but instead I'm a helpless retard who can only guess as to whether he's doing the correct thing or making a fool of himself.
>>24659493
It's an obsession. I need to be in complete control of the things I use otherwise I feel uncomfortable relying on them. I'm not a good fit for this world. If I were born in earlier times I would be completely happy knowing I could make all my tools from scratch because they would be made from sticks and rocks.
>>24659573
There seems to be a pattern that shows around many of the people in this thread. Alot of aspergers tend to just collect large amounts of facts or data with no real use or purpose behind it. I could be onto something, or am I just look for connections where there are none?
>I love learning about manipulation and shit like people being sneaky or creative or an asshole
pic
>>24659594
I-I think I just got redpilled...
>>24659625
Is it that you don't trust the tools at hand, or is it that you feel like someone is out to sabotage you?
Paranoia is a fucking killer, I know firsthand
>>24657655
It just happens, you try to control it but you just end up fucking up automatically before you can catch it. I know all about norms, etiquette etc. but it's tough sticking to them because you can't conciousl y think on every action you make and so that's where the autism comes in to make you act like a sperg. Autists are also more sensitive to sensory things that distract and overload them even more, so this mixed with uncontrollable autismo reflexes is how we still end up being socially retarded even when we try not to.
>>24659676
Just think, all of the people who you thought had respected you or had faith in you all could be laughing behind you back at you.
>Don't wurry frend, jus b urself!
>>24659686
It's a love thing. I become attached to the objects I use and interact with, and if something goes wrong and I can't fix it it's like having a loved one die. If I can make the object from scratch, it will never die because I will always be able to repair it.
>>24659637
well like when I know about these people it like fills something in me, you know? Knowing how people can be tricked and how to trust people and learning about VILLAINS, learning about genuinely sweet people who help people, people who hide a big secret, every day normal people who are actually batman. I don't even get anywhere or get more "enlightened" but I put together patterns and shit and remember my stories and start applying them to my real world or being like "omg I have something I can relate to that for once!" and it has it's perks because I can pretend to be social. But when i try to talk about shit like Elvis' mom or what shitfiend666420 had to say about his gf's narcissistic mom, I get the feeling people are judging me for being so childish? but still I like me :/ hehehhe also in a way I kind of like to feel better than people like assholes and shit because i know I myself would never have the confidence to try pull that sort of thing off
>>24655091
The sad thing with most people with problems, is that they let their problem define who they are. Now that you have it in your head, you're probably going to just stagnate at "just being an aspie" rather than rise above it like so many others do.
All you have to do is calculate and list what it is that is effecting your life negatively, work to eliminate these negatives one-by-one, and begin developing positive traits. For me, since I don't like people, I started working out, because that only requires one person to do, and it makes me feel so much better about myself.
It isn't all easy, but it is simple anon.
>>24659717
There is just something very comfortable and calming in knowing that you yourself are able to fix something, not having to rely on others when your computer finally breaks is the true mark of an alpha
>>24659637
like honestly I'd rather read r/relationships for days on end (inb4[leddit]) and never shower and know how shitposter3320's story about his cheating wife ends than go outside and meet people and pretend to actually fit in, when the time comes I just put on the normie mask I have and people don't usually question it
>>24659715
>someone finds actual joy in doing something
>"it couldn't have possibly been that you really ENJOYED something about yourself, they're all just tricking you!"
I guess my enjoyment of hiking for being able to ignore or greet other hikers, getting to tire my legs out, and make stacks of rocks in secluded places near the trail is all just a trick too, huh?
Fuck you.
>>24659734
Sometimes I try to spice up my life and act out little scenarios in my head when I am walking just down the street or something.
>Like, what would I do if suddenly there was a ninja trying to kill me!
>I put my hood so it shows less of my face and act even less inconspicuous so the ninjas don't know!
>When I get home, I lock my door and act as though I just got out of dangerous situation
>>24659795
and I like tutorials and pointless documentaries or things like plastic surgery videos (before it was cool) or the most obscure videos like ladies playing with play doh or a girl talking about her experience at a lituanian webcam store just because of the way the video or the thing is playing itself out it's like your brain craves to keep going and it just can't stop or lose interest even if it's something like a forum of "Does Jared Leto work out his glutes?" just because i like the people posting, and i don't even work out or like Jared Leto. and yeah also I lose interest in shit quickly but if i hear about something and am like 'hmmmm' I'll just quickly have to go gather the facts I need and read some other people's opinions and theories it's soooo funnnn fuccccckkkk
Most of the time I think that awkwardness is caused by lack of socialization.
I am as kind as possible and I do my best to make my conversations with people happen on easymode. I worry about you guys.
>tfw some guy i don't know starts spouting /pol/ memes in front of a line of people
>manage to get him to cool down without making him look stupid
>make the other people forget about it and laugh it off so no one gets mad at him
>later he tells me he's sorry, tell him it's okay
Gotta Chad responsibly eh?
>>24657655
I did it. I was always myself, and I was also called autistic. So one day, I decided to be normal. And I became normal, through habituation. Kind of sad now that I think about it
This man was aspie as well.
Don't let your dreams be dreams, Op.
>>24659892
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiVOG199X2c
>>24659884
"I became normal," said the autistic man.
>>24659817
hehheeh that's the best, or like wondering what you would do in a dangerous situation and panning out all that could happen or what would be if you all of a sudden just sat in someone's backyard at night, when they're sleeping, just sit there and be a cat. Sometimes if i see a comment i like or that person has real personality I'll marry them in my head and when I come across something that reminds me of them i'll get little commentary of something i think they'd say or how they'd phrase something, or sometimes I'll just hear a scenario of me bringing something up to them I never would
>>24659892
>Aspergers syndrome was discovered in nazi germany
>You might be onto something here
>>24659817
I usually just walk in endless circles around my house imagining what it would be like to be in-charge of something. Usually in a military command in some historical country. It usually includes what my interactions would be like with people I have encountered if I held that position. The last part may be some kind of revenge fantasy on Chad, I don't know.
>have two 30+ y/o friends
>one got two AS's and works as a grocery store manager
>comes home to MMOs, Magic the Gathering, Minecraft
He's functional, just literally no ambitions.
>320lbs obese friend, I hate him
>constantly says shit that pops into his head, of course it's imitations of shit, not even trying to be funny or smart just spews shit
>365 at his worst
>used to carry his bookbag, a carryable desktop, monitor, etc around uni
>got his MS in AI and Minor Comp Sci, literally $0 debt
>watched anime and played video games since he was like 13, he played literally an entire year of Everquest I think in high school (that would be at least six hours a day average for four straight years)
>that's literally all he's done
>intentionally fucks things up so he never has to make progress
>>24659922
Well, this was when I was young. I decided this when I was in the 9th grade
>>24659956
Wtf I do the exact same thing. I always have my arms crossed behind my back too
>>24659970
He sounds like the worst kind of person, even for a sperg
>>24659986
D-do you skip when you get to an exciting part? Like, as in, the mode of locomotion?
>>24660028
I have a large stick in my house at all times because sometimes i swing it in the open rooms as i pretend to do some form of martial arts moves with it
>>24659260
You know... you could just become an Electrical or Computer Engineer, make your computer, and make money anyways. I got my AS at a CC and switched to a uni, and although the uni is absolute trash and normalfag shit, I am passing.
>>24659564
>struggle through English classes, finally get a good one
>has in-class participation
>where might you want to live (or something like that)
>I answer Iran (she doesn't even ask to explain, Iran has like 60% female engineers)
>what would you want in a partner
>a really weird fetish so she's insecure
>3-4 page classification paper
>write 6 pages on classifying "fantastical deviant pornography," it even included /d/ as a citation
normalfags gonna norm
>>24660078
Now, see, I carry a large stick, but that is out of paranoia, though I will sometimes pretend to draw a sword and wave it around.
>>24659130
jesus christ, this is pure autism in its most crystal form.
>>24660220
So? This thread is for us.
>>24660028
YES
fuck anon, why arent we friends?
>>24660256
I assume because we don't live in the same place. I am in TN.
>>24660111
/d/ has shit that is so far fetched in the way of pornography i think you either have to have a seriously fuck up libido or are just trolling
Shit like having a detached head and sucking the guy off across the room and other stuff to stranger to mention all in one post
>>24660271
Yea I'm in IL
not so far, but too far still
>>24660288
I have family that live up there, but none of them are robots (one is a non-fat feminist and the other is a Stacy), the rest are functioning adults, so...
I'd be soooo curious to see your guys' browser history, and probably also shocked/or amused/aroused. I'm that peoplesperg from above
>>24660273
Not that guy but honestly /d/ is where I go when I want to jack to something tame at this point.
>>24660220
This is a sperg thread, did you honestly not expect obsession and memes over communist dictators?
>>24660336
Dare I ask what the tame part of /d/ is? Vagina mouths? Insectiods?
Do any spergs here have bad memories? What happens when a sperg smokes weed/is addicted? What about spergs who never got to express themselves/were either too ashamed or poor or ignorant to know you had other options? I wasn't straight up told til I realised around puberty and later that other kids could have hobbies and shit without being good at them :x woops now I'm stunted and dumb
>>24660324
Nothing too shocking. Internet is mostly for memes and 4Chan for me. I have actual stuff I do saved.
>>24659260
>become friendly with someone
>forget what they look like because you avoided eye contact
>can't approach them because it might not be them
>this is 100x harder if they're Chinese or something
>>24660368
Pretty much all of it. Shit that I get off to blows it out of the water.
Didn't start that way though. If you wanna keep being freaked by that stuff keep staying away. It becomes normal pretty fast.
>>24660453
Yeah, once you jerk off to one plane crash and the hindenburg you basically jerked off to all plane crashes
Wilhelm & Stalin anon here, signing off. See you guys tomorrow.
yeah I had a heyday too, went goth at 18 and fucked some girls, even more when i started drinking. had to stop because of legal troubles and the well has now dried up.
at uni 10 years older than everyone and just can't/wont/dont wanna socialize with any of the normies there. deleted facebook several years ago and i'm glad i did because it's fucking awkward having normies randomly add you
only prospective relationship is a prostitute living 8 hours away.
no other prospects cause she gave me herpes
such is life i guess.
>implying i'm not a robot
>come home
>pretend to be a SWAT officer
>clear the house room by room
>give hand signals to my invisible backup
>throw random objects through doorways like they're flash bangs
>arrest stuffed animals
>pull out my phone
>"building secured, we got em"
oh yeah and in class today just thinking about fondling some girls ass that was standing near my desk. not even like i'd get a thrill out of it just wanna do it i guess cause i dunno :^)
