Tard story thread?
Tard story thread.
My story:
>Small highschool everyone knows everyone
>tard named Lin
>Lin fucking LOVES her chocolate milk
>one problem
>Lin has no concept of 'bad' milk
>Everyday Lin has chocolate milk from cafeteria
>One day the school decides that chocolate milk is bad for kids because of the sugar or some shit
>Lin is not having this bullhonkey
>tardRage.exe
>School doesn't give a fuck. No choco-milk for you.
>Lin starts carrying around a large thermos around, class to class, this goes on for about a week before any faculty starts to notice
>ofCourseItsFullOfChocolateMilk.info
>Being a tard Lin spills her chocolate milk
>NOCHOCOLATEMILKFORYOU
>Teachers take away her thermos, get her parents to agree not to let her take any to school
>Lin is secretly a genius
>She starts keeping a gallon of chocolate milk in her locker and takes swigs between classes
>School has a weeklong break
>Upon return Lin continues her secret chocolate milk drinking
>At this point the milk has to be rotten as fuck
>Pure chunks
>Finally the day comes when even with her tard strength stomach couldn't handle all the putrid milk
>In study hall when Lin starts wimpering
>Teacher askis her whats wrong
>She looks up from clutching her stomach, directly into this poor underpaid teachers eyes, and unleashes a torrent of the most disgusting, chunky, brown milk mixed with what had to be months old chinese food, fucking EVERYWHERE.
>Room evacuated
>Severe damage to computers/teachers morale
>Kek'd hard
Bump for more tardtales
I have a few but I'd rather wait for more stories so I just blend in.
I drew droope but I forgot the r. I think im retarded.
>>24577777
Nice, also bumping because tard tales are classic /r9k/ shit.
haha making fun of mentally ill people
Isn't that just so epic for the win.
Fuck off
>>24577777
checked and bumped
>>24577898
>Lin never learned her lesson
>After a brief hiatus she somehow manages to sneak in more chocolate milk
>No idea where she was hiding the milk but it was defiantly not a fridge
>In study hall again
>See Lin
>Huge smile as she pulls out a half gallon of chocolate milk from her backpack
>notStealthEnough.jpg
>Teacher catches her with a half-gallon she had stashed in her backpack
>Takes away the milk
>Lin is surprisingly calm about this
>later that day
>See Lin in hallway near bathroom
>Just chugging a gallon like it ain't no thing
>where the fuck do you keep getting this milk from Lin?
Here's a story. Not op
>Middleschool, huge
>Spends gym class with 2 guys because nobody else likes me
>Tard named Max
>Brainless baseball idiot
>One day we make spaghetti joke, Max is triggered
>Dontcallmespaghetti
>Max is now known as Spaghetti Kid in gym
>Max has friend in class, tiny fat kid named Kenny
>Kenny turns into Lil Meatball
>Spaghetti Kid and Lil Meatball hate us, and Spaghetti decides he wont take shit
>One day he approaches me
>Very mad
>Face red as spaghetti sauce
>ohshit.jpg
>I quickly find out Spaghetti has tard strength
>Rip
>Soon enough these attacks become daily
>Turns into huge joke
>Be halloween
>Spaghetti gives up, and threatens to shoot us with 12g shotgun
>sp00py
>this shit is still going on to this day
>>24577898
For starters, mental illness and developmental disability/brain injury are profoundly different things.
Also, as someone who is around developmentally disabled people every day, humour is important. Have you ever heard the phrase "if I didn't laugh, I'd cry"?
When people stop having a sense of humour, especially when they have disabled kids, they end up burnt out, mentally ill, then abusing and even murdering them.
Stop being so tumblr level pc. It doesn't fucking work in the real world.
>>24577898
Shouldn't you be on tumblr right now?
>eating cherries
>tard suddenly appears with totally unprepared wrangler
>grabs a handful of cherries and shoves into mouth
>"oh, you like cherries? That's cool, me too. Do you know to spit the pits?"
>glance at wrangler
>dude is sweating, has no clue
>oh god am I gonna be responsible for a tard death
>now I'm sweating
>tard shuffles to wrangler
>spits all the pits at him and his feet
>triumphantly marches away
>9th grade
>standing in lunch line
>tard has grapes on his tray
>"I like your grapes"
>"y-you too"
Bimp nugger
>>24577654
>>24578080
Pls more op. This shit is great
>8th grade
>tard named Scott with a hell fucked head
>metal plates holding that shit together
>looked like Frankenstein's monster
>one day in my art class Scott gets a great idea
>grabs a handful of clay and molds it into a dildo
>starts chasing stacies around that class trying to shove it in their roasty snatches
>never got in trouble for it
I have plenty of stories if you would like me to share
I work as an adult tard wrangler
>At the park playing soccer with Tim the tard
> Tim the tard has a obsession with coffee and drinks atleast 2L a day
> Kicking the ball to Tim when all of a sudden he freezes
> "t-t-t-toliet" and Tim runs off
> I follow him over to supervise when I hear he yell out "SHIT SHIT YUCKY POO POO"
> A manly scream is heard from inside and I run in
> Tim the tard has shat himself and shat all over the floor he then threw his shit filled underwear into the cubicle next to him
> A man steps out and exclaims how fucking disgusting Tim is and Tim points and says Yucky poo poo.
> I have to clean Tim up but the toliet bag is accross the park
> TIM STAY IN HERE
> So as I walk back with the toliet bag I notice that Tim has escaped the from the toliet and is running accross the park with shit pouring out if his ass and his shit coverd hands holding his dick
>>24579379
Cont
> Tim runs to the closest tree and starts pissing all over it
> He then lays beside the tree where he had pissed and yells out SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP
> I run over and throw a towel over him and prompt him to go back into the toliet so I can clean him up
> After offering him coffee he finally lets me clean him up
> As we head back to where when had our bags he we walk past a couple drinking coffee
> He yells out COFFEEEEEE and charges towards them
> He tries to grab the cup as he is running and just as he grabs it he trips and shits himself again spilling it all over his new dry clothes
> The drive home was great as I had already used his spare clothes and Shit and coffee aren't easy to wipe off clothing
>>24578080
Man, tards know nothing about hygiene at all
I once found a lunchbox full of maggots feeding on a dead mouse in one of my tard clients bedrooms and she was about to pack her lunch into it after shaking it out.
>>24579533
Why would you (or anyone) willingly be a tard wrangler?
>>24579749
All about that dollar bill
$$$
>>24577777
observing these repeating digits atm
>>24579834
Is $9 an hour really worth it?
>>24577654
>being me, autistically decides to wear spoodermen sweater
>no one cares everyone loves marvel
>one kid a bit too much
>nameless tard asks me for photo with him every day at lunch
>wontshutthefuckup.jpg
>one day flat out tell him no instead of slowly changing the subject
>tardrage slowcommence command activated
>already having a bad day, small me decides to trip him when he swings poonch
>crytard.gif
>nofucks.jpg
It was some really stupid filipino tard with tinted glasses.
>>24579379
this can't be real
is this real?
laughed for 5 minutes
>>24577654
>7th grade
>locker room
>go to stall to change because fuck getting undressed around 20 kids and a teacher that looks like a pedophile
>come back
>every kid grouped in one spot, saying "that's nasty" and "fucking sick"
>tard in the middle of this all
>dick is out
>in his hand
>just fucking sitting there with it out
I was blessed with a tard brother so I have some stories
>my brother hates any other tards
>he is stupid as shit but when it comes to tard torture he is an expert
>one day school wranglers leave him alone in a room with some other crippled tards
> once he knows the controllers are gone he grabs desks and starts moving them towards door
>other kids are unaware of what is about to go down
>brother surrounds door with desks so no one can get through
>he slips out the door and cuts the lights off when he leaves
>he goes off to hang out with some other kids
>tards inside suddenly realize that the adults are gone, the lights are out, and that none of them can reach the door
> all hell breaks lose as the confined tards are trapped in the dark
>two of them shit themselves in fear
>others let out bloodcurdling screams
>tards began attacking what ever they can find in the darkness including other tards
>eventually some teacher hears the pained cries coming from the tard containment area
>wranger opens door and turns on the lights unprepared for the sight
>shit is plastered over the walls and blood is all over the floor
>tards have each other in death grips, biting and kicking
> not sure if that SE teacher ever came back
>>24580238
Here in Australia we get paid $28 an hour
So yeah man, totally worth it.
>>24579977
nice
>>24577898
fuck off normalfaggot
>middle school
>spending day in in-house suspension for doing something stupid
>the room is connected to a bathroom that's connected to special ed room
>bout half way into the day some black tard bursts from the bathroom into the inhouse room
>hear girls shrieking loudly
>turn around and black tard is standing there with his pants down and massive BBC swinging around and making all kinds of herpy derp noises
>inhouse janitor escorts him back to special ed room
>rest of the day girls in the class are casually talking about his bbc
>sitting there jelly as fuck thinking about how my dick was only about half as big as his
>red hair tard female called ella
>in grade 6 she's 6'2 and getting close to 120kgs
>she becomes infatuated with one guy at our school
>keeps talking to him and huggin him
>he cant do a thing because she's huge
>one day he kisses some girl
>*BANG*
>elle slapped this girl so hard she fell straight to the floor black out
>tard rage begins
>grabs the guys she likes and holds his head like a rugby ball
>everyone screams and runs out the class
>female trainee teacher tries to stop her but elle fends her off and she tactically retreats with the rest of us
>the girl that was slapped shitless was dragged out of the room
>tard screams coming from the room
>two male teachers decide to go in to recover the hostage
>open the door, she's sitting ontop of him dry riding him
>teachers restle her off
>hold her down as the school doctor injects her
>all in all three students were wounded, the girl in hospital with concussion
>elle was deported to a full blown insane asylum style school
This wasn't my brother but still a funny story
>kid named Wyatt
>this tard was titanic, fucking huge
>not fat, he was nearly 6' in elementary school
>lived on a farm so he was ripped as well
>Wyatt was normally the gentle giant but if he ever got angry the school actually sounded alarms in that part of the building
>one day Wyatt was on the playground playing with some other members of his intellectual stature
>he is imagining himself as a train
>some stupid girl from a grade above come up to Wyatt and calls him stupid and tells him that he isn't a train
>teachers on the bench watching kids look at each other and start walking back to the building
>they know that war is immanent
>Wyatt looks at this girl with a fierce glaze and whispers "you think I'm not a train"
>kids start clearing the playground
>Wyatt burst out a rancorous "CHOO CHOO" and rams straight into the girl and her friends
> other tards assemble to form the rest of the train
>Wyatt has too much bloodlust now though and seeks more prey
>he and his followers move at frighteningly fast pace towards the school building literally trampling other students
>Wyatt nearing the door screams train noises once more and smashes his head through the glass doorframe
>full panic engaged
>teachers lock down classrooms as the tard train runs full steam through the building
>any kid left outside is dead
>The tard wranglers slowly pick off the stragglers of the train and calm them down but Wyatt cannot physically be stopped
>his face covered in blood Wyatt prowls through the library murmuring train noises
>the school locks down library until the tard swat team can arrive from the larger district school
>Wyatt can no longer be seen in the room and only his train noises can be heard
>tard task force arrives with big guns and enters the dark library room
>like something out of Alien Wyatt jumps off a bookshelf and lands on a wrangler with enough force to knock him out
>>24577777
Quints witnessed
Here's one probably everyone's seen
>>24581341
Cont.
>Wyatt knocks over multiple bookshelves in his escape taking out two more wranglers
>school day is now over but Wyatt remains
>it took the wranglers another hour and a CD player playing Thomas the tank engine songs through the loud speaker to coax him out
>when they asked why he did it he replied that "bitch didn't know about trains" and passed out
>>24577898
This board used to be full of tard threads, now it's full of people like this.
>>24577823
>>24577823
Uuhhhhh... alright.
>>24580823
Holy fucking kek more please pham
>>24578105
>middleschool
>this shit is still going on to this day
You must be 18 years or older to post here. Get the fuck out.
Alright boys I have a couple from when I was in 8th grade and was forced to be an assistant wrangler as punishment for making fun of them.
>first day on the job, was tasked with helping out with PE
>tard kid's PE teacher was a dick to them, but cool otherwise. Would always patronize them by talking down to them like babies or something.
>one kid named Jimmy but was adamant about being called James hated him
>I was supposed to pair up with James to make sure he didn't get into any tard shenanigans
>first day on the job we go to the gym/weight room
>James decides he wants to bench
>loads 3pl8 gets it up ez pz
>loads another plate, 10 reps no problem
>PE teacher tells James that that exercise is danger and that he shouldn't do it
>that was a mistake I'm sure he regrets to this day
>you never interrupt a nigga's tard gainz
>James gets up, I unload his plates and rerack the bar with the other bars while James goes to get some water
or so I thought
>no, when I looked up I saw something so much funnier
>James took off his shirt and tied it around his head like a makeshift tard turban, but more like a bandana
>a tardban
>he's on top of a table, holding a 50lb dumbbell with his tardban on his head making the most blood curdling tard call ever
>PE teacher walks over to see what happens
>he's about halfway to James' table trying to get him to get down
>like a majestic lion hunting it's prey, James lets out a mighty roar
>"AM JAMES! STRONG LIKE MOOOOOOUNTAAAAAAIIIIN!"
>jumps off the table, runs at PE teacher
>whacks him in the dick with the dumbbell
>PE teacher falls, James drops the dumbbell, puts his shirt back on then loads another 4pl8 and continues his sets
>tard PE teacher out on leave for two weeks
>James didn't get in any trouble since he's a tard
>>24581341
>>24581461
Please tell me this actually happened.
>>24579977
nice same numbers
>>24581536
Coming right up
>teachers always assume tards like each other but most of the time they hate each other
>brother is placed in class with this kid Ian who has autism
>Ian keeps talking shit about Disney which is basically what my brother lives for
>he knows he is stuck for some time so he waits
>I saw him one day using my printer to copy what must have been one hundred assorted Disney characters
>I don't give a shit, he is good for the keks
>brother starts to replace all of Ian's papers with Disney characters
>he starts slowly placing them in folders but soon he escalates to placing them in his lunchbox
>starts switching out Ian's ds games (used to calm him down) with Disney movie games
>uses Ian's iPod to download Disney movies
>Ian becomes pissed after brother starts playing Tarzan soundtrack and singing along
>he stands up and punches my brother straight in the gut
> brother looks at him and let's out a lion king roar and leaps on Ian
>now on the table the two duke it out but Down Syndrome trumps the Autist
>brother slides Ian off the table and whispers "long live the king" and pushes him off giving him a concussion
>school reviews camera footage and sees Ian as the instigator and is suspended from school
Reading the schools email to my parents was worth the printer ink
>>24577777
I've literally never seen quints before.
Thank you kind senpai family
>>24581703
Yeah I was called to the office because my brother was part of the train so I got to see it live
>>24581774
Your brother is an absolute madman. Also, why is it that tards are always either absolutely fucking massive or scrawny as a child.
>>24581862
I mean it really depends on the condition they have
>>24581862
You want any more stories?
>>24581905
I would love some more stories family
This kinda makes me feel bad, I guess because they can't help it. When I was in 6th grade, I was in the advanced gifted program shit. We had an autismo in the class,he was fucking huge. Six foot two, three hundred pounds, his name was Cj and he was a barely functioning autist but he was incredibly intelligent. He taught himself Japanese in a week, could ace any learning material after a few minutes and would start shouting boring at the teacher. There were multiple times his wrangler had to stop him from punching the teacher because he had a horrible attitude, one time we were watching some manatee doccumentary and he started jerking off in class. I used to read keroro gunso manga and he tried to steal them and always used to beg to read them when he took a shit, someone from the class had to volunteer to go with him. He used to flip desks, onetime he stole this kids inhaler and had an autismo rage and flipped over a cafeteria lunch table and started punching the principal.he skipped seventh to eighth grade, so I lost track of him when I went to highschool. I wonder what became of him, his mom was a really nice lady who really loved and cared about him, I always tried to be his friend
>>24581905
Yes please god
>>24581949
>some girl starts calling my brother a retard
>I have no idea if he "knows" why they call him that but I old him it was a pretty bad insult cause I'm not a dick
>bro is ready to bring the pain
>he starts telling all the kids he knows (this was high school and he was out of special ed room) that he likes this girl
>makes weird ass kissing noises around her and her friends
>my brother is not popular per say but almost everyone in the grade likes him cause he doesn't give a shit and is pretty funny
>word gets around fast that he is "in love with her"
>girl starts losing friends as joke starts going around school
>brother receives none of the flak because everyone, even the teachers, think he is just a cute little tard in love and it is too funny to stop him
>brother starts sending her hearts that other kids give him
>soon one kid buys him a necklace for her and my bro gives it to her in the middle of a school assembly
>she starts getting pressured to date him
>her girl friends start calling her "Tardirina" and others shout "Down to Pound with (Brothers Name) Downs"
>brother sees plan working perfectly
>he grabs her at lunch one day and kisses her, literally everyone cheers and talks about how "cute" it was
>he is a tard so it is basically impossible to charge him with sexual assault or anything and because it is a medical issue the school sees no problem with it
>girl moves to another school next week
>people buy my brother gifts to console him for the loss of his girlfriend
>I come home one day and see the bastard eating chocolate hearts he was given
>walking down hall, late for class one day in HS
>see one of the five tards that are in our school, brother of one of the smartest kids there
>I sneeze
>sneezes must be infectious, he sneezes IMMEDIATELY after me, gets scared or something
>just, fucking HOWLS, filling the empty hallways with a mournful call and takes off at full speed
>have heard of tard strength, but never tard speed, he does the forty yard dash faster than most actual athletes
Have to say, I was more impressed than anything, but I couldn't stop laughing for a good five minutes anyway.
>>24582166
sorry meant to write told instead of old
I'm gonna go to bed but if the thread is still up later I may post some other stories
bamp for future tardtales.
>>24581402
BASED NEAL.
>Be me, 5th Grade
>Poor school, so 2 classrooms are connected in an outside building somewhat resembling fancy cargo containers
>tard in my class named Jonathan
>known for bipolar fits of rage, these things could start literally anytime
>don't remember why he flipped out this time
>he's knocking shit all over the place in a tard tornado
>textbooks, school supplies, podium at the front of the room, literally everything
>kids (including me) are hiding under their desks like it was time for nuclear fallout
>it basically was
>stapler gets knocked under my desk
>ihaveaplan.jpeg
>I pop out from my desk, and chuck this stapler with all my 5th grade strength at Jonathan's head, actually hit him in base of neck
>screaming stops, he seems to be staggered
>don't stick around to see what happens next
>bolt from my desk to the other classroom, connected by a door
>some other kids follow me
>after a brief pause, the battle of Jonathan 2005 recommences
>hear the bangs on the wall, safe in the other classroom
>2 minutes later, principal, Vice Principle and school cop storm the room
>forcibly remove him
>never see him again in school
>except he lives across the street from my family
>he still lives there, almost 11 years later
>feel kinda sad about it when I come home for the Holidays
I wish I was making this shit up. He was a fucking danger.
