My fucking paper didn't save I haven't felt so deflated in so long fuck me fuck me gotta work on it al lnight
how are you all doing
>crippling depression
>working
>>24388908
i use all my remaining energy to work towards school, because if I fail I'm going to kill myself
Also my meds have been keeping me more energetic
I spent the day playing RPGs.
>>24388941
What RPGs do you like?
>>24388867
Seeing all these emotion-fueled excuses for arguments in social media regarding the mudslimes makes me even further upset and disappointed by general human behavior. Nobody researches their opinions at all. I can't get over how fucking STUPID people can be.
>be me
>save 40k britfag pounds
>always been pessimistic/socially Autistic
>starts getting worse
>quit job become neet
>life is better without work but feel more depressed cause I'm a failure and obviously everyone notices I'm not a normie
>cba to change things
>will only get shit tier job with my anxiety
Rambling a bit sorry
>>24388972
I try not to look at it. Its either people being incredibly racist or people saying you cant criticise Islam at all (which is fucking dumb all religions deserve criticism). Thats all I have to say about it desu
>>24388988
Rambling is pretty normal here. What is CBA? And could you get medicine for your anxiety?
>>24389033
Cant be arsed. And doctors tend to just give me meds to stop panic attacks which I dont get apart from when I have breakdowns. Dont think you can really medicate social anxiety. Thanks for the concern anon i agree with you on the ISIS shit too
>>24389111
Nice digits. And no you cant really but you can be given stuff that can at least help you. It wont take all of the worry away but it will stop enough of it to be noticeable. The stuff I'm on works wonders. My hypochondria is near non-exisitant right now
>>24388969
Most of them. I played Ni No Kuni in the morning and Dragon Age Origins once my room mate got home. Nothing like going on a magical adventure to save the world and learning the true meaning of friendship.
>>24389178
I really wanted to play Ni No Kuni but I didnt have a ps3 at the time.
I've been playing league of legends in shorts bursts of 5-6 games every few months for the past 3 years (and the year before that I got 350~ wins, only up to like 450 now) and I finally feel like I'm fucking done coming back to the game
every fucking game, literally every game, the outcome is decided before the game even starts. If you get a bad champ matchup, you lose the lane and they go roaming and gank every other lane and their entire team gets fed and it's over before 30 minutes. I got a good matchup second game, went 19-1 and won in 19 minutes
every game feels so fucking unbalanced, like it isn't based on skill
at least when I'm playing dota I feel like there's actually a chance for upsets and comebacks
I'm still really upset from going incredibly negative 3 times in a row because the other team had a champion that was particularly overpowered (trynd, jax, nasus [in this matchup]) and completely stomped me with no retaliation possible. Riot seems incapable of balancing so there's always some champions like trynd/jax are right now
>>24389277
Play a different game then? I tried out LOL but i really hated the format/time it took to play/teamwork aspect. So pretty much all of it
>>24389269
I really like it so far. It's got fantastic art and music, and the battle system is pretty fun.
>>24389363
Hopefully it gets re-released on PS4. That would be rad
>tfw ive been looking in the catalog for this thread for the past month but i can never find it
anyway, hows everyone doing?
>>24389425
angry
also, try adding a filter for cripplingdepression and set it to the top and highlight it
>>24389425
working on my stupid fucking paper i hate so much
im gunna get like a B max and it frustrates me
other than that surprisingly good
>>24389384
Do you have a PS3 now? It can be had for pretty cheap. I bought a used copy for 5 dollars. That said, the game is pretty gorgeous, it would look good running at a higher resolution.
>>24389492
Nah, not really in my budget right now anyways. Saving up for moremagic cards.
Life just isn't worth living anymore. I lost all my friends and my only loved one hates and abuses me. I want to kill myself every day but I don't know how I'm going to do it.
I have some prescriptions for migraine medication and I read that if I take my whole bottle I'll have a seizure and die. I almost do it every day.
I just got the worst possible schedule at work. 7 other people got a better shift than me random my fucking ass. Now I'll lose my weekly Sunday hike with this cougar that we have sex talk with every week. Fuck me.
>>24389518
I quit playing a few years ago, but I'm thinking about getting back in for the new Innistrad set.
>>24389581
Why do you say that they hate you, and where di d you friends go?
>>24389590
How long will you have this schedule for?
>>24389635
Hopefully its not shitty like Return to Zendikar. Maybe we'll even see a Lili reprint. Shes nearing JTMS prices and its outrageous.
>>24389694
I developed bad anxiety and stopped talking to anyone because I was scared to and now everyone has drifted away.
My s/o yells at me, makes fun of me and forces me to do things for him. I don't have any self worth and nobody to turn to so I just let him.
>>24389977
Jesus, you really need to leave him. Hes definitely contributing to your feelings of worthlessness
Got kicked out of uni because I couldn't force myself to go see my professor for two months.
I could probably fix it by talking to the dean but I don't know how to explain it.
What the fuck am I doing?
Just living a NEET life without anybody. Still saving up money from last time I posted.
>>24390057
Please go talk to the dean. Why didn't you see the professor?
>>24390197
How are you saving up money and NEETing?
>>24388928
what are you on skelyjay
>>24390451
Wellbutrin and Busporine
>>24388867
Question, does 'triple' mean 3(n) or n^3?
>>24390477
I assume triple is times three
like triple 3 would be nine
but i'm shit at math
>>24390464
>Wellbutrin
Have you lost weight on it?
>>24390507
I have, over 20 pounds. I don't eat near as much as I used to
>>24390304
>Why didn't you see the professor?
It's all a massive clusterfuck that would make no sense to any relatively sane person. Doesn't even make sense to me.
>>24390558
Then protest it to the dean?
>>24388867
ayy lmao
Feeling ok actually. Looking and sword and sorcery pics and cleaning my gun
>>24390568
But it's my fault.
>>24390585
What kinda gun do you have?
>>24390589
Well, could you apologise?
>>24390585
love this shit m80s
LOL/MAO/KEK
>>24390558
/r9k/ has heard much worse. Spill the beans.
/anxiety/ here, I wish I was depressed
>>24390600
AR-15
Spikes lower, Bravo upper, Yankee hill 16 inch barrel, Magpul handle and foregrip, all else mil spec or better
Looking to get something I can take out over 1000 yards. Was going to get a plate carrier, but its really pointless and the military will pay for one of my choice in aboot a yeer.
Tips: Only get a depression diagnosis if you ABSOLUTELY NEED IT!!! I almost got one as a teenager when I couldn't handle it, but if I did my life would be fucked over.
It DQ's you from a lot of military, intelligence, and other work. How you feelin skellington?
>>24390681
Ive been there before. I switch on and off. Whats your anxiety over? Anything specific?
>>24390686
Cool stuff. I like guns but I'm not like crazy about them, I'd like one for self defense on day
And I'm okay, I've calmed down about my paper and have recovered a decent amount of it.
>>24390585
edgy faggot
>hurr durr look at these sik magic and dragin pics zomg lol wow
>just cleening meh gun whil lookin at deese pics lol zomg scool
>>24390726
If you have a depression diagnosis, getting guns is a bitch. You will need friends or machinery to get one
What are you in school for?
>>24390739
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuDqNLgVHv8
>>24390739
Go to hell mate.
Whats wrong with cleaning a gun? Oh wait..
>>24390760
I can just get one from my grandparents. I already own a passed down 22, there are tons of guns running around in my family.
History, I want to go into library science/archives
>>24390794
Indeed. Good luck.
What is your favorite empire?
Least favorite empire?
Favorite political ideology?
Least Favorite political ideology?
Favorite historical figure?
Least Favorite historical figure?
Favorite time period?
Favorite flavor of ice cream?
>>24390844
To be honest, I'm more of the physical side of history. Stuff like taking care of old shit. But I do do a bit of academic history so
Favorite: I'm gunna say the Catholic Church because its practically an empire (and has been at several points)
Least: Can I say dirty Protestants? If not its the US empire, because I'm so tired of learning about American history. Some cool stuff in it but you gotta dig for it.
Favorite: Thats pretty tough. Democratic Socialism probably because I'm a bleeding heart
Least: Libertarianism. Jesus Christ it hassles my hoffs. I wouldn't even mind if most of them weren't so smug about it
Favorite: Thats also pretty tough. Probably Diogenes of Sinope because everything he did was fantastic. I'm definitely not a Cynic though
Least: Hitler, because hes been done so much. Its boring to me desu
Favorite: Cookie dough :>
>>24390967
http://geacron.com/home-en/?&sid=GeaCron554861
You might enjoy this
Dirty libbie
What is the paper on?
>>24389277
No shortage of mobas. Try out other shit. It will be similar and maybe better.
>>24391025
My paper is on the Popes of Avignon, and how each were shaped by their background in Law.
Also I love that artist
>>24391051
all mobas are bad,
>>24391079
GHERKONOKSLOKOKO
>>24391102
y-you too mr snake
>58
>virgin
>been here since it began
>it hurts to live
>>24391169
Was gonna ask about nam, you're just a few years too young.
You serve at all?
>>24391211
yep, was in Iraq and Afghanistan as well as the gulf war. my brother went to nam though.
>>24391241
Thanks a lot
Branch?
Division?
Story's?
>>24391169
Damn, what are you experiences like?
>>24390304
>How are you saving up money and NEETing?
neetbux and I spend very little. I don't buy anyhting but food anymore and contrary to what you would think I don't eat much. About 5 dollars a day for food is enough for me to live on. Soon will have enough for my funeral.
>>24389178
>Dragon Age Origins
Well at least you have good taste for a weeb
I have a job interview tomorrow. I'm not nervous about the interview, but I'm nervous about getting the job. It involves phones and talking to people and it scares me. I just want a comfy robot job but its hard to find because I have a degree. My job right now is comfy packing boxes, but they give me no hours.
this seems like a thread to move my fingers to
>haven't left the house in 4 years
>derealization and depersonalization have stripped me of my identity and life force
>i am hopeless, helpless, a dead rotting corpse,
the only thing i know for sure anymore is that nothing will ever change and i am dead
>just listening in on and watching life's silly inhabitants converse their insanity through my dead body
>bored mostly
>too dead to feel or laugh with them, there is no relating to any of them, the only people who relate to me are dead because they killed themselves
i'm too empty to kill myself now, the only time i ever tried to end it i just winded up killing my capacity for emotion and my only chance of getting out of here
now im stuck here with no inclination towards a single god damn thing but shit piss eat and sleep, as my ol pal kermit the frog would say i am the fuel that fires the engines of failure
don't even talk to myself or the evil godly being that lived in my head and wanted me dead anymore
dont even feel amused when the shadows move and an interdimensional creature threatens to gouge my eyes out and feed 'em to me
just play music 24 hours a day to fill the gaping empty hole in my head, further pushing the life force and memories out of this body and replacing them with vicarious hedonist pleasures that mean nothing to me but a mere convenient distraction in pursuit of an early grave
that's a bullshit pipe dream though, people like me last a long time
grandmother is over 100 and she went insane in her 30s, dad went insane in his 40s
its been a few years since ive said a single word of truth to anybody i know or felt connection to an emotion, friends and family don't know shit, they just talk to one of the personas that lives in my head
they're dropping like flies
im down to 1 family member and 1 friend
my brother whom ive never met and doesnt know i exist, and a normie on the internet who finds me humorous
i'm doing fine
>>24392246
Woah dude, this is some deep stuff. I hope I never get down as far as you but something tells me its inevitable.
Consider listening to gangster rap.
>>24392615
>Consider listening to gangster rap
i don't derive pleasure from that
>>24392682
>i don't derive pleasure from that
No but it can give u a kick in ur ass to do something which gives u dopamine. Is there a gym in your neighbourhood?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iRlkVWZeAQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mtNtQ26-p6w
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PANEcjhSfv4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04seFO6BEmw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BL6dWDfs5x8
Some songs I enjoy btw
>>24392246
get a doge?
>>24392754
i prefer rap like this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZ5Mu2gs-M8
i don't know if there's a gym in my neighbourhood, and there's no point in going to the gym
>>24392837
i have a lot of cats
one of the only things i love in this world
>>24393046
>i prefer rap like this
Wow no wonder you get depressed. This sounds like the sound ttrack of a horror movie. The clip looks the part too. Wtf man.
>>24388867
Beginning to accept that death might be better than being alive. Probably gonna fall asleep in a plastic bag at some point soon.
>get tickets to a concert by my boss
>invite my friend
>have spare tickets left
>give two to coworker who resents me out of kindness and to be on good terms (he has no reason to hate me he's just a shitty person)
>my friend can't make it to concert
>was looking forward to show but now don't want to show up to it alone and have coworker see me alone while has his buddy
this is why I hate being nice to others
s o
l o n e l y
I am ashamed I let my depression affect my dog by not having the will to get up and take her out on a walk. She just lays next to me all day and that is shitty.
>>24393477
>She just lays next to me all day
So where does she shit? At home?
>>24393387
why the hell would you be nice to shitty people f'am
>>24393490
I let her out to potty
Finally got my paper done. I probably failed it fuck me
>>24391317
:(
Why are you planning for suicide? What has brought it to this
>>24391450
What about the phones? Is it like routine phone answering or do you have to be more involved in it
>>24392246
Damn man, you ever thought about professional help? Like, meds? It seems to run in the family.
>>24393131
Yung Leans new track is pretty depressing as well, but also amazing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jDiAcqbO0c
>>24393387
Just go I suppose, or maybe invite someone else?
>>24393477
Small steps, play with her in the house, then maybe in the yard, and from there move on
>>24393502
kind of this.
>>24388867
i have a test that i needed to study for but instead i played fallout 4 all day. why do i do this to myself?
>>24393527
Dude, trust me, I've done the same thing. Played the new Isaac update instead of working on a paper. Fucked me up good, had to do 13 pages the night after it was due
>>24393527
>why do i do this to myself?
I don't know man, Fallout NV is much better. Guess you bought into the hype
>>24393553
damn, told desu
>>24393563
Ikr (i know right)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38a9ijYI1Bg
>>24393601
DESU i didn't actually like FNV as much as FO3. But now I really don't like the series very much at all. Too tedious for me, and the story sucks
>>24393626
>But now I really don't like the series very much at all. Too tedious for me, and the story sucks
Well yea, duh. But I would still play FO3/FNV over F4 any day.
>>24393553
senpai ive done like 8 playthroughs of NV including dlc. theres just so much you can squeeze out of a game.
>>24393686
I hope you modded it though, otherwise it's pretty mediocre.
Pic related, it's the mods everyone should have
>>24393626
FO4 was a big let down for me, the story sucked and the graphics kinda blew. (Yes I actually have played it.) And ive encountered a lot of retarded bugs, i.e falling through the world when in certain area, when in third person and I peek around a corner I get teleported to the other side of the room, and a lot of stuttering issues. So much for 5 years of development.
>>24388867
Friend took me out for pizza today.
He's not doing great either.
It was good end to a bad day.
Alas, I still post on r9k at 1:30am.
>>24393776
As cliche as it sounds, its really skyrim with guns.
Bethesda just sucks hard nowadays
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmRjgWW8yn0
>my job is dead end
>all my friends forgot about me
>have no social life
>go to work and gym and play vidya by myself
>learn to become comfortable with talking to myself
>practically talk to myself like im my own best friend
>forgot what its like to be with a group of people enjoying eachothers company
im so alone
>>24393835
not to mention that 95% of my saves got corrupted after 13 hours of playtime. RIP progress
>>24393131
horror movie? sounds and looks relaxing to me
>>24393526
>Damn man, you ever thought about professional help? Like, meds? It seems to run in the family.
age 13 psych ward/suicidal thoughts
age 14 therapy/meds
age 15 psych ward/suicide attempt + case manager + therapy/meds
age 16 therapy/meds + case manager
age 17 psych ward/suicidal thoughts + case manager + self sufficiency help + therapy/meds
age 18 kicked off all services due to age
been on 6-7 different kinds of medication, been through all kinds of therapy, all kinds of mental illness diagnoses, and not a single bit of it helped
its been years since ive tried that route, and years since i felt like trying anything
>>24390477
It's 3n
Sorry for late replys, I was trying out the new Magic cube and streamed it for a friend to watch. I drafted five color garbage. Went bad
>>24393682
I wish my computer could at least run it though
>>24393776
And the new perk system is really annoying
>>24393799
Thats good, what kinda pizza did you get?
>>24393888
Why do you think your friends forgot about you?
>>24394017
:(
I'm not sure what I can say that a professional couldnt, but I wish I could help at all. I'm so sorry anon
>>24394991
This place called Nunzio's out of town.
Best pizza I've had in my life.
It was 4 bucks a slice, but goddamn if I wasn't so full I was close to puking from that single slice.
It was chicken parm on sicilian crust.
I officially threw in the towel today. Had to sleep through my classes so I wouldn't feel bad about missing an exam.
>>24388867
i've been suffering depersonalization lately coupled with a complete loss of motivation. I need help immediately before my life begins spiraling out of control again. Everyday the anxiety grows deeper as my mental faculties begin to fail me, I feel hopeless.
>think I'm over Her
>go to her normiebook page
>pictures with her current boyfriend
>realize they're kissing and sharing a bed and cuddling and fucking and in love
>just want to die
>>24395228
man
oh man
i really
really
want that
>>24395271
Why did you decide to throw in the towel?
>>24395284
Therapy/meds, if you need immediate help go to the ER and request to be hospitalized
>>24395295
Switch over to boys.
But really, it does suck seeing someone you like with someone else. All you can really do is keep trying to move on. Block her on FB if it upsets you so much
>>24395354
all the medication im taking are stimulants which just aggravate my anxiety even further. I also cant risk self medicating with alcohol since alcoholism runs in my father's side. I wish I could afford therapy and ER but I have no medical insurance. I had a set of goals I was supposed to have accomplished by December but so far everything's just seemed to have fallen apart.
>>24395354
>Switch over to boys.
I've fucked boys before. If they're girly enough I have no problem putting my cock in them, but I've never had an emotional connection with one.
>Block her on FB if it upsets you so much
That's the thing, I don't even really use it. I made one because it apparently looks bad to employers if you don't have one but I barely ever touch the site. I'm just stupid I guess.I hope my cock is bigger than his and she thinks of me every time he fucks her.
Who here has finally come to the realization that they don't want to "get better" anymore? Has anyone else completely let go and is even irritated when people start prattling on about "your future self will thank you" and "there is hope but you can't see it?"
I'm at the end of my rope here and I have an appointment with my psych in 8hrs. I'll have to go and, once again, reign in my honesty to avoid getting committed. The people taking care of me want me to ask about any other available options for "making me want to change," but you can't just transplant "want" into someone.
>>24395421
You can't get like benzos or something?
>>24395471
Ah, okay. Understandable about the non homoromantic thing. Just keep trying to move on really. One day she'll be nothing but a distant memory
>>24395578
Yeah, you really have to want to change, and with depression that's hard
>>24395851
>you really have to want to change
Except I don't have to do a damn thing. With depression it's hard? Depression has made everything easier, faggot.
Where else can someone find the desire to die? What better way to stop the delusions that society breeds in you in order to get as much out of your work as possible? What greater freedom is there than to end your own life? Think about it for a moment. The feelings settle in, they warp your perspective and your behavior. The seed plants itself and you water it with your own memories, daily mistakes, and unshakeable view of the present. Depression plants the tree, the world waters the tree for you, and all along the way you marvel as the tree grows. Its branches explode outward and reach into every aspect of your life; it hangs your best and worst memories on those very branches for your viewing pleasure, a nice garnish. After enough time the tree begins to bear its fruit, a wonderful, ripe little thing. You see the fruit and you know that it will make you free, but everyone who hates your tree is telling you not to take it. They say your tree is wrong, that its unnatural, that you should hate it and chop it down with their help. When you tell them that the growing tree is a part of who you are, they get mad. They cry. It gets worse if you take the fruit. If they see you take a bite, they scream. They haul you away. They pay vast amounts of money teaching you how to swing an axe. Even if the fruit was sweet, they tell you it's poison. They do everything in their power to make you hate the tree and its fruit, because to them that tree doesn't belong to you. It doesn't deserve a place in your future. Somehow, though, you realize that you have to finish the fruit. If you can finish the whole fruit, you'll be free. It's okay, in the end. They'll be free too, eventually. Nobody should judge you for your tree, and certainly not for eating its fruit.
My tree's pretty big now, anon. I want the fruit.
>>24395295
The agony is real
>tfw I travel 300 miles away back to parents house for a weekend so I don't have to see her at a party my housemates were throwing
