Hi, /r9k/
I tried to make this thread earlier but I had to take off 5 minutes in due because something came up, so I just deleted it.
Anyways, I was told to make a thread about this because some people found my situation interesting.
Long story short:
>grew up with no mother in the home
>only saw her occasionally, alcoholic so almost always drunk
>had a few particularly traumatic incidences with her
With that background, it becomes easier to understand the rest. I like to write greentexts of me having a loving mother. I prefer greentext as opposed to normal writing because if I write normally, I feel pressured to focus on creating technically "good" prose.
I write these stories as a comfort, to try and capture what it would be like to have the pure love of a mother. Growing up completely without it has ruined my relationships with the opposite sex. Anyways, the stories are about me and my imaginary mother, who I have dubbed Rosey mommy,based off of that youtube grill. I find her comforting, but have only seen a couple of her videos and know next to nothing about her. I just think she has a good "single-mother" look, and she's really nothing more than a placeholder for me to project these feelings on to.
Anywho, I'm going to post a few of my stories that I have edited down/pruned to be fairly coherent. People seemed to like the one I posted in a mommy gf thread yesterday, whether because it's really autistic, or because it's interesting to see the psychological effects of growing up motherless.
Going to start with the original scenario I wrote, then post random ones I cut down to post.
I can answer any questions if you guys have them, and feel free to make fun of me, just keep in mind. I'm exposing myself for your enjoyment. Apologies for any typos.
Comfy pictures unrelated, but who doesn't love getting /comfy/ for story time?
Original scenario I actually wrote as a joke, but ended up finding it comforting.
>have a Rosey mommy
>it's night time
>got my Samurai Jack playing on the TV
>she opens the door and walks to the bed
>kisses me on the head, I reach up and hug, she hugs me back
>"Goodnight sweetheart, you sleep well okay? I love you."
>m-mommy you forgot
>she smiles, pulls my covers down, pulls up my shirt
>blows a raspberry on my tummy, I giggle which makes her giggle
>she sighs a contented sigh, looks me in the eyes
>"Hmm, I think you forgot something too honey."
>w-wha-
>she puts her armpit over my face and says
>"Stinky pit attack!"
>i giggle and laugh, she pulls away laughing
>hug one more time
>she kisses me on the head one more time
>walks over to my door, turns off the light, and walks out
>before shutting the door, she leans in
>"Goodnight buddy, sweet dreams."
>goodnight mommy, I love you!
>she shuts the door gently, turns the hallway light off, I hear her footsteps as she walks back upstairs
Pic related is how she'd be dressed, she would go upstairs and maybe have a couple of adult drinks (liquor) before going to bed.
It would just be mommy and me, happy as can be.Mommy's little boy, her pride and joy.
>2:30 PM
>Rosey mommy picks me up from school on a cloudy day, in which it's not pouring but drizzling lightly
>"How was your day pal?"
>it was okay mommy
>"What did you learn?"
>nothing
>mommy giggles
>mommy drives, but it's not the normal way she takes home
>we end up at the park
>no one here but us since it's rainy day and we both love rain
>"Come on sweetheart, play in the rain with mommy!"
>I laugh and climb out of the car
>before even getting into the park we have tons of fun in the parking lot, jumping up in down in the puddles
>mommy makes a bigger splash because she's bigger, but I'm better at jumping at angles so as to splash her legs
>we laugh and jogs after each other, trying to kick water towards each other but failing
>before we head into the park, mommy remembers to open the car and grab me a jacket
>I sigh, and tell her I don't need one, but she insists so I don't catch a cold
>we walk into the playground, and mommy asks what we should do first
>the slides are too wet mommy, but the teeter totter looks dry
>we walk over to the tater totter and wipe the water off where we'll be sitting
>mommy sits at the back, I climb in the seat closer to her on the opposite side, but she tells me to sit on the furthest one
>why mommy?
>"That way you can push me higher sweetie"
>I giggle and climb on the furthest seat
>"Ready?"
>yeah!
>mommy pushes off the ground, I sink down
>mommy pulls her legs in and drops with all of her weight, sends me shooting up fast
>i laugh and mommy laughs with me
>we try desperately to push each other high enough to make the other say stop
>eventually mommy says I need to slow down, I'm so strong I'm pushing her too high
>years later I would realize this was an exaggeration, but it was still all okay
>>25022568
>we slow down, and end up looking at each other
>mommy stands up and walks over to me, think she's going to hug me
>she inches just close enough to poke me at yells "You're it!"
>i laugh and jump off the teeter totter, and sprint after mommy
>she is really fast, and splashing lots of water where ever she steps
>she runs up the slide set to the top
>i chase her up, and she has nowhere to go but down the wet slide
>i think i've got her trapped, but she slides down just as I get to the top
>she keeps running, i slide down too and get my tushie all wet, but i can see mommy's jeans are soaked too
>maybe this slows her down enough that i'm able to catch her but when I do she has led me back to the car
>i tag her and yell you're it!
>she turns, exhaling loudly, and before I can run off she grabs me and gives me a big hug
>"Mommy's tired sweetie, and soaking wet. I don't want to catch a cold either, let's head home and have some hot cocoa okay?"
>I nod my head enthusiastically, and climb into the back of the car
>do up my seat belt because mommy wants me to be safe
>we start driving home
>"You're pretty quick buddy, one of these days you're gonna be as fast your old momma"
>I laugh and say, you think so?
>"Oh yeah buddy, I'm sure you'll be even faster one day!"
>i giggle excitedly as we pull into the driveway, anticipating a night of hot chocolate and cuddling while watching a movie
>Rosey mommy works a lot to provide for us, not sure what she does but something at an office with computers
>she works so much that she gets tired a lot more than regular moms do
>during the day on weekends mommy likes to take naps in her big bed
>if I get bored, mommy is okay with me coming in and snuggling with her
>I like to snuggle with mommy because I feel safer that way
>also, mommy's room has dark sheets of paper taped up over the windows, so it's always dark
>lots of times mommy and I end up playing a game of spiders when I crawl into bed with her
>I open the door slowly and can hear mommy snoring lightly, I hate to bother her but I can't help it
>mommy?
>the snoring stops and mommy says, "Yeah, honey?"
>can I get in bed?
>"Of course sweetheart"
>I shuffle over and crawl into bed with mommy
>first thing I do is give mommy a hug, she's very warm since she's been under the covers for a while, but very soft
>the sheets and pillows smell like mommy, it makes me feel very safe
>I roll away from mommy and lie on the pillow next to her with my eyes closed
>I feel a tickle on my leg, and start giggling
>what was that mommy?
>"I don't know sweetie, what was what?"
>I feel another quick tickle on my arm, and then my belly, which makes me start giggling
>mommy there's something in the bed I say giggling
>mommy starts smiles and turns to me, "What is it sweetie?"
>>25022598
>i don't know mommy, it feels like this
>i poke mommy's tummy
>she laughs at i feel another tickle on the my side, then a few more that make me start rolling around laughing
>"Oh that, that's the spiders sweetie, you gotta catch them if you want them to stop!"
>I know that it's really just mommy tickling me, but she's really good at pretending it isn't her
>i keep feeling tickles and trying to catch mommy's hands, eventually I do while we're both laughing
>it was you mommy!
>"No it wasn't, I was trying to catch a spider that was on you!"
>we laugh together and I hug mommy
>bury my face in her neck and smell her, smells like mommy
>we both look up at the ceiling, mommy has her eyes closed
>on the wall just above mommy's bed is a taped of drawing of a bunny I made for mommy
>do you like my drawing mommy? I'm not a good drawer but I did it for you
>"I love it sweetie, makes mommy feel special"
>you are special, you're the best mommy ever!
>Mommy smiles and we hug one more time, and I fall asleep in her arms, safe
Recommended music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xycvAXycSdY
>it's Friday
>mommy picks me up from school like every other day, but we're both excited because it's friday
>Fridays are mommy and I's favorite days because every friday we go to our favorite mexican restaurant
>we usually go home and watch a few cartoons like Codename Kids Next Door, or play the Sims 2 together for a while before we go eat
>the place is close enough that we can ride bike there, but it's winter so mommy drives us
>it's 5 PM or so, but in December the sun goes down so early that it's already dark by the time we're there
>the restaurant is a small, cozy, dark, family owned short order place
>you walk up to the counter and watch the cook make your food, telling him what you want as you go
>mommy and I always get big burritos and cherry coke
>>25022631
>the restaurant is decorated with multi-colored lights, and there's always a radio faintly playing slow salso/hispanic music, which to me sounds a lot like Christmas music
>it's a very comfy atmosphere, and we always sit by the window, usually just mommy and me in the restaurant
>we watch out the window, watch the snow, and talk about school, about movies, video games, I listen to mommy's stories from when she was younger, we joke around a lot
>mommy teaches me a bit about politics, how the government works, I even tell mommy about my first crush at school
>she gives me advice on how to win her over, but I tell her she's the only girl I need
>mommy laughs and tells me that when I grow up, I'll know the difference
>we eat our big burritos, mommy drinks lots of cherry coke and I always get up to get her refills since she got jalapenos in her burrito
>after dinner the cook takes our plates, but we sit there and drink soda and talk for a while after
>she tells me stories about Dad, and what a good guy he was
>i'm sorry you have to tell stories like this mommy, it must make you sad to think about
>"Don't think like that buddy, it's always better to be remembered than forgotten, right?"
>you're right mommy
>"Dad would be so proud of you sweetie"
>I smile, and tell mommy that Dad probably would be proud of what a good job mommy's done
>"I sure hope so hun", mommy smiles, "Let's go home and play Bioshock okay honey?"
>I nod excitedly, wanting to see where the game ends up next. It was the first video game I had played/seen mommy play that I felt had a story with substance
>around Christmas time
>Rosey mommy and I just put up the tree, with all our favorite ornaments
>have our old radio playing our local Christmas station's music
>have batman ornaments
>oscar meyer weiner truck ornaments
>Robin ornament
>cute dogs my mommy got when she was young
>framed pictures of me, mommy and me, and of mommy and daddy when he was still alive
>she is teary eyed when hanging the last one, but I tell mommy it's okay, he is in a better place and he loves us while I hug her around the waist
>she ruffles my hair and tells me I'm right
>mommy has me helps wrap the multi-colored lights around the tree
>once it's all done, mommy plugs the lights into the outlet and turns off the living room lights
>it looks beautiful
>chestnuts roooooasting... on an open fireeee...
>nothing but good feelings for mommy and me
>>25022667
>it's getting kind of late, but it's Friday night so mommy let's me stay up and watch her play Bioshock 1
>she listens to all of the audio logs and explains what the more adult things meanlike what the egg is, and how Jack was made synthetically by Andrew Ryan and the dancer
>in Arcadia we both jump when the transporting magic splicer's shadow appears behind you when you look at the mask
>we enjoy each other's company and I end up resting my head in mommy's lap while she plays
>eventually I drift off, but wake up a little later when mommy gets scared by a Big Daddy turning the corner just as she swings her wrench, accidentally hitting him
>I giggle and laugh innocently, taking in the sight of the TV and the christmas lights lighting the room faintly
>mommy holds me tight, and tells me it's bed time
>i see the clock on the stove when she picks me up and carries me to my bedroom, it is 12:30 AM, too late for me to be up
>but mommy loves her video games, got caught up in them
>she lays me down in bed, tucks me in, and kisses me on the head
>don't go play without me mommy, I don't want to miss the story!
>"Of course I won't sweetie, we'll play again tomorrow night okay?"
>okay mommy!
>she hugs me and gives me one more kiss on the head, walks over to the door and shuts it gently
>I hear her footsteps as she walks to the living room and opens the fridge, probably to grab a drink and watch Adult Swim late at night
>I drift off knowing I'm safe and sound with mommy in the other room
>I dream that night of daddy being home and sitting around the tree with us, watching us play Bioshock too
Last one. You might need to sit down and recover after witnessing so much autism. I can answer questions if you guys have any.
>normal saturday
>Rosey mommy is sitting on computer drinking her coffee
>I am playing with action figures in the other room, but get tired of it and walk to the computer room
>hey mommy? I'm bored
>"Hi bored, I'm mommy"
>i giggle and run over to her, she picks me up and puts me on her lap
>"What do you want to do, bored?"
>i don't know mommmy what should we do?
>mommy wraps her arms around my tummy and kisses my head
>"Well how about we play a game of hide and seek?"
>that sounds fun!
>"I think so too, give mommy a kiss and then I'll go hide. You count to 15 and come look for me."
>I turn and smooch mommy on the cheek, then stand up and cover my eyes, one, two, three...
>hear mommy jog away quickly
>fifteen! I start looking for mommy, first checking the closet of the computer room
>she's not in here, didn't think so
>i walk into the hallway, check the hallway closet, then the bathroom
>still no mommy
>i walk into mommy's room and look around, check under the bed, behind the bed
>no mommy
>walk into mommy's bathroom, she is standing there with a towel over her head
>I laugh and pull it off, mommy is smiling and picks me up for a hug
>"You found me!"
>we are both laughing, I hug mommy and bury my face in her neck
>smells like mommy
>i love you mommy, you're funny
>"I love you too sweet boy"
i only had a few minutes to browse before leaving and you fucking ruined them you glorious bastard
>>25022790
Kek, sorry anon.
Just keep the thread open, it will archive itself.
I was hesitant to share these as they're pretty personal, but I feel I owe it to the board after browsing for years to provide some of my own autistic OC.
Been 20 minutes so I will bump the thread and stick around to answer questions.
Test bump to see how long it takes before OP can bump.
Another bump, I'll be around for another hour or so.
Bumparino bamponzo
Doesn't seem to be much interest, so this will be my last bump. I'll stick around a bit, but I'll be taking off soon if no one replies.
I was supposed to be a mom.
This breaks my heart.
May death come your way.
a a a algi algi algi algiz algiz algiz
>>25023536
What do you mean anon? Did you have a miscarriage or something?
Breaks my heart too, but at least reading the stories and listening to the music makes me feel like I'm in them for a little bit.
>>25023599
Suicidal and depressed when pregnant (before that as well), no money, no way to take care of a kid. Had an abortion. Regret it and am now in therapy and about to be on medication. I want to take it back so badly. I fantasize about my child constantly, and cry daily.
I think about the mom I was supposed to be, and how much I would have loved my baby. I love my baby still but I fucked up so badly I will never be able to apologize for what I did. I want to be a good mom, but I am not.
These stories make me think of how I would play with my child and care for them. I can never forgive myself.
>>25023691
I'm sorry to hear about that m8, sounds pretty awful.
Can I ask how you ended up on /r9k/? You don't seem to be the average poster here.
>>25023740
Learned about 4chan back in HS from a friend. I'm a loner with 0 IRL friends, but I enjoy connecting anonymously. It's a strange freedom. It's very "safe".
>>25023740
Thank you btw. I'm sorry as well.
>probably not an original comment
>>25023768
Huh, well I'm sorry to hear about your pain man. It was the for the best it seems. You'll get another chance at some point, to be a dream mom like in these stupid stories.
>this thread
>my face
>>25023840
Lel, glad someone gets enjoyment out of my pure and unadulterated autism.
>tfw afraid to tell therapist because I think I might be institutionalized
>>25023866
if you do tell them, please greentext what happens/d from the bathroom right before they come to take you away if possible
>>25023792
I really appreciate it dude. Thank you.
I want another chance but I don't feel like I deserve one. These stories are really nice. They make me happy in a way. Thank you for writing them (if you're OP).
I wish things could work out for everyone all the time but life is an asshole.
>>25022511
>>25022543
>>25022568
>>25022580
>>25022598
>>25022612
>>25022631
>>25022654
>>25022667
>>25022675
>>25022722
This is unhealthy behavior
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeyDfVjq6sw
listen to that, drink some liquer, and do 500 push ups over the course of the next few hours. Remember whats between your legs.
You have been broken by this, you have a sick fetish for being a powerless protectorate. That is not ok.
>>25023866
What if you wrote a book? Just a sweet book about a boy and his mom? These stories are really comforting.
>>25023884
Kek, if I get the chance m8.
>>25023898
I'm glad you like them m8, have a good night.
>>25023913
It's not a sexual thing in any way. Besides this I am a fairly normal dude. By robot standards at least. I would only consider it unhealthy if I was writing degenerate stories about fucking my mother.
>>25023925
I agree, these stories read like a children's book. You could honestly go somewhere with these if you have nothing else going on in your life.
>>25023792
Seriously...thank you so much for saying I'll have another chance. It means the world to me. Honestly that's the reason I'm hanging on, it's my hope for the future. Without it I'd be completely lost. Thank you for not judging and being kind.
>>25023951
Do it OP! They're really lovely and would make a great children's book.
>>25023925
>>25023951
I could try, but the problem is I don't see much market for that. Most kids have a good mother and don't need this weird therapy.
>>25023963
It's not a problem m8. It's just facts, got plenty of time on the old biological clock. I appreciate your kindness too.
>>25024005
You're very welcome!
Just because you don't see a market, doesn't mean there isn't one. Even kids with good parents could appreciate the coziness of this, and perhaps it could help people be better parents--reading these really show a good way to love/care for your child.
>>25023945
fetishes are not always sexual
What is a man?
On a literal scale, a man or male is a human organism that contains the XY chromosomes in all cells.
But then nu-males would be men, so we need to go a bit deeper.
A man is something that can be counted on and does not need anybody to take care of him, a man can also extend his protection to others.
I understand that you were never really cared for, and so you long for that, but it will never give you the true feeling of power, where you rely on nobody and you are the person called when somebody else needs help.
We need more men. Too many people are dependent upon others, be it gfs, moms, dads, landlords, bosses, professors, anything. They live their lives like a baby, and cannot fend for themselves without the higher power guiding them everywhere.
Be a man, ditch the stories, it will help you very much.
Besides, who the fuck wants to be a "fairly normal dude" anyway? Become something better.
>>25024068
I suppose you're right man, thank you for the optimism. I'll keep the idea stored for a rainy day.
>>25024081
While I appreciate the advice, I feel I already am a man. I'm independent, make my own income through freelance coding, answer to no one besides clients and even then it's my choice who I take on. I was raised by a great father, who was incredibly stoic and hands on. A real man's man. I grew up to be just like him.
The stories are just me imagining what could have been and finding some comfort in tough times. I don't rely on them. I don't rely on anybody honestly. I couldn't care less about getting a girlfriend because I honestly cannot trust women.
I appreciate the advice but I think they're acceptable, if very autistic.
>>25024207
eh do whatever you want. Im sure youre a fine person, but this is undeniably the expression of some problem hiding below the surface.
and the dialouge is breddy cringy
>>25024247
I don't deny that I have awful mother issues, the problem seems obvious to me.
>the dialogue is breddy cringy
You're not wrong on that either, but you can't really expect realistic social interactions from someone posting on /r9k/.
>>25024207
I wish you the best in life OP! Good luck with everything <3
>>25022667
>>25022675
>framed pictures of me, mommy and me, and of mommy and daddy when he was still alive
>she is teary eyed when hanging the last one, but I tell mommy it's okay, he is in a better place and he loves us while I hug her around the waist
You didn't warn me your autistic stories would make me feel OP.
>>25022543
>adult drinks (liquor)
This is all pretty cringeworthy but this line is especially powerful.
Thanks for sharing OP.
>>25024530
Glad you enjoyed anon.
>>25024530
Kek, yeah looking back I agree.
I'm heading to bed now, goodnight everyone.
>>25024081
>what is a man?
A miserable little pile of secrets, but enough talk, have at you!
>>25022511
>"With that background, it becomes easier to understand the rest."
>"because it's interesting to see the psychological effects of growing up motherless."
I realize that I don't know the extent of the trauma you mentioned, but I just wanted to say that I, in some way can empathize with the absent/ drunken mother situation. When I was a kid I also barely saw my mom, and when I did it was either late at night when she would come home drunk with some random, or when she would come into my room and scream at me to recite the Lord's prayer before bed. She stole from me and constantly tried to incite me into hating my father, yet still I lived with her out of convenience; because I was a kid, and valued the freedom I had under a negligent parent more than a strict upbringing under my dad.
I don't feel any sort of natural affection towards her now, nor do I feel any kind of grudge or resentment. I don't mistrust women as a whole either. There are times when I feel like I should feel something, whether it be over some lost chance of a normal loving family upbringing or some kind of hatred towards her, but both are equally pointless and could only hinder me. I don't want to preach to you but if you ever feel like writing these stories is a strange yet necessary way to deal with your past because fate dealt you a bad hand, please don't; because you are only holding yourself back. Letting the past poison any new relationship for you is unnecessary. Take that for what you will.
>>25024777
I left but I'm back now, feel obligated to respond to those lucky seven trips.
I am sorry you had a shitty mom too. I suppose I will elaborate on the trauma.
>when I did see mom it was only when she decided to drop in, which was every few months
>she was almost always drunk
>at one point she told me how much she didn't care about me, and how nobody ever will
>put me in the car with her and drove drunk, probably meaning to kill me
>got arrested for that
>saw her years later, showed up drunk to Thanksgiving
>was physically abusive when I was too young to remember, according to my dad and grandmothers
I feel the same way anon, no affection but no grudge. It's not just my mother, I have had a few romantic relationships with women and they always have ended badly. I just can't bring myself to trust women, and I honestly feel no attraction to women anymore.
I know I shouldn't let my past interfere, but it's at the point where I honestly feel broken. It's not an intentional malice towards women, it's just that I'm so broken I feel no need for a relationship with them at all. Not that I'm gay, I just don't really feel much attraction to anyone sexually.
I appreciate the advice very much, and the kind words.
>>25025018
Well our stories do sound similar, but I regret that you feel "broken". I think I somewhat understand that you don't feel the same desire for a woman's affections as you feel you should, and admittedly, I've felt something similar growing up. I don't think you need advice or help of any kind; as I think you seem like a very smart person, but I wish that you can find some real hope somewhere and not give in to that idea of being "broken".
>>25025018
I think you are purest robot I've ever seen on here. A true good soul, because you could've have lashed out towards other women for what your mother had done. I don't think I could've blamed you for it either. Instead, you came up with cute stories of what a mother should be. I hope that you one day you feel "whole" in whatever way that materializes in your life.
