PROBLEMS GENERAL
post here if you are mentally ill, special needs and or been to the loonybin
get in here faggots tell me your storys
>Hospitalized for suicidal ideation and being stupid enough to say I was thinking of jumping off a bridge
>Sat around doing puzzles all day
>One qt my age.. Thought she was cute until I saw her flip out a couple times a day.
>People unable to realize that the more they fought it, the longer they would stay
>Really it's not even that bad
>One gay guy who fucked up slitting his wrists shows up night before I leave
>Seriously will not leave me the fuck alone
>He's fucking in love with me holy shit
>As soon as I wake up he comes into my room to talk to me
>Spend entire last day doing my best to shake this guy
>Don't want to reject him and have a fucking meltdown or whatever
>He fucking gave me his number.. Like it's fucking St. Alban's cookie dating service or some shit
>Finally get permission to leave
>Dip ASAP without saying goodbye
>Friend picks me up and smokes me out on ride back home
Well, thanks for reading if you did. I'm feeling lonely as fuck..
>>24919407
I read all the post
Sometimes I miss the loony bin. Everything's taken care of, there's no stress, you can talk to really nice people, and three meals are prepared for you each day, plus whatever anyone doesn't eat. There was this guy who went psychotic and tried to attack one of the girls, and everyone hated him, but he gave me his breakfast because he didn't want it and I thought he was pretty cool. Even the crazy ones are nice people.
>>24919103
>parents take all my drugs and money and knives
>i'm like 16 and a sociopath
>decide to play tit for tat
>wreck parents house
>challenging dad to hit me
>eventually they just call the cops on me
>gave the police a real show, made them put it in writing they wouldn't take me to adult jail
>get to mental hospital
>just lie my way out
>eventually wind up back in to avoid being homeless
>tell the truth
The upside is i can basically drop that bomb on anyone and they'll avoid me like the fucking plague.
>>24919103
Is that what mental hospitals look like now? When I try to look for pictures of the inside of them I get nothing but black and white 2spooky pictures
>>24919484
I have some pretty good stories from my wasted youth actually, i had lots of money in a low income area it was great - one time i punched someone in the face and they apologized
>>24919407
Wait, They hospitalize you for saying you are considering suicide? Where do you live?
>>24919503
Yeah they've got nice boring colors, couches, lots of seats, maybe some abstract art. It's the dullest, least scary place you could think of. It's like being in the waiting room at the dentist or something, except you live there. There are some really nice hospitals in Europe. I had three to a room but apparently lots of hospitals have just one to a room.
>>24919543
one to a room with private bathrooms is the best
>>24919537
I live in America. If you say that you are suicidal, they ask if you have a plan. I said yes, and that's pretty much the ticket to a hospitalization. Luckily my therapist let me go in as voluntary, so there were no legal repercussions. Otherwise I would have had to talk to a judge and all that shit--which would have kept me there longer.
It was a whole bunch of shit, but it was pretty comfy except for Mr Gay Romeo.
so I got a bottle of amphetamines for free yesterday
>be overly stressed and have meltdowns since I was 13
>been on various pills since age 7, functioning nutcase
>couple years switch to an indian doctor in a sketchy psych office
>talk to him 10 minutes every 2 months and get some pills
>he gives the good shit
>as of july I'm functioning again and doing well at work
>on a whim I tell him i can't concentrate and procrastinate, this is true since I was late for that very appointment because I was fapping at home and took a wrong turn to his office
>without a word more he writes me a script for some ADHD drugs, I even have to hand it into the pharmacy in person
>go to the pharmacy, they never even asked for an ID, I could have had anyones script
>dad's health insurance covers the tab completely thank you obamacare
>go to work today
>pop one as directed before work
>wired all day doing twice my normal workload
>never get bored, take 2 bites of my lunch and the days over
>come home think about how awesome it will be once I lose this weight on the pills
>spent 5+ months living in my van, wasn't taking my meds at all
>underfed, schizophrenic, hadn't had a good night sleep for half a year
>thought I was raped one night in my sleep after a night in a motel
>ended up in a psych ward for 2 months
>>24919678
what happened to your van?
>>24919741
My mum and me took a road trip back to where it was at in the hospital parking lot. I scrapped it for metal a couple of weeks ago and got $50 for it.
>>24919775
wow you got ripped off hard
I got an old van for 400$
I did not have the title so I pulled the motor transmission and axle sold the motor and tranny for 500$ cut the body in half and scrapped that for 400$
>>24919741
>...Anonymous
>12/12/15(Sat)12:14:10 No.24919541
Pic of van pls
im not psychotic, but my brother is
here is some shit he did
> looses $5
> blames it on me
> i lock self in room to avoid his tempertantrum as he starts sreaming and flipping shit
>i call my mom as he is slamming his fists into my door
>my mom is on her way back from work as brother is pounding at my door
>he stops
>i hear him scream from the other side of the hallway and he runs and plunges his fist through my door
> have hole in my door and no more brother
>>24919928
No pics. I went through a phase where I had to get rid of all physical possessions. I threw away my smartphone (with camera and pics), laptop, my clothes, basically everything except my van, blanket and mattress.
>>24919407
You should have creampied his ass.
>have first psychotic breakdown
>start drinking my piss because I believe that it will protect me from demons, JD Salinger did it
>Jesus turned water into wine, his piss was holy
>think there's a me from the future out there who time traveled to warn us about the apocalypse
>he played at a secret superbowl halftime show
>start playing guitar erratically, screaming YOU GOTTA FIGHT TILL YOU KNOW WHATS RIGHT
>string breaks
>string theory, the world is breaking
>smash my guitar against the wall of my college apartment, smash through the window
>breaking through the matrix
>check The Illuminati's twitter page
>picture of a woman holding up a sign that says "you gotta fight till you know what's right"
>keep on smashing shit and screaming, throwing all of my stuff out the window
>check facebook for clues
>try to log into facebook but instead there's a strange ACCESS DENIED page
>matrix-esque code flashes, mfw the good guys are hacking the bad guys for me
>get into facebook
>share article I see about professors having the right to bring guns
>Illuminati twitter says "people will only realize what you're doing when you stop"
>for some autistic reason I think this is a clue to keep on going till everythings wrecked
>go back to wrecking shit
>crowd has gathered
>eventually campus security comes, then cops
>screaming about JFK and Inherent Vice, saying Jesus was a glitch in the system and we all could be glitches if we tried
>only my mattress is left in my room
>say I just want a good night's sleep
>convinced demons are manipulating me through my dreams
>cop says I have to jail or the hospital
>I choose jail because I don't want to be on a bunch of drugs
>r u fuckin kidding me
>they bring me to jail, I'm covered in walldust
>go to the shower
>an innmate holds the bible up to the window and shouts while laughing "HEY DON'T WORRY BUD YOUR PEOPLE ARE GONNA BREAK YOU OUT"
>in cell
>fast forward through 10,000 imagined theories as to why I got there and what the jail is
>>24920141
should of went to the hospital
at least there you can watch tv
>>24920141
>meet a dude there who I think is me from another dimension, or Jesus
>make cross sign on the window and point to him
>he nods
>make cross with an x sign on the window and point to me
>he nods furiously
>makes a noose handgesture
>welp, I'm the antichrist
>drink my own piss to turn into the dragon
>try to drown myself in the toilet
>cop pulls me out
>time feels nonexistent, think I'm dead
>handcuffed to a bench
>shouting incoherent shit about being the antichrist and destroying this dimension
>notice innmates are able to get in and out of their cells
>the fuck is going on
>I'm shouting this girls number who I think is Mary Magdalene
>Sherriff comes over and writes down her name and number
>he starts babbling like a baby, can not form a a coherent sentence
>the fuck is going on
>girl from a cell is making heart signs at me through the window
>get a boner handcuffed to the bench
>her boyfriend is in another cell banging his fists against the wall
>I think we're all dead
>start avoiding looking at the girl because I think she's trying to distract me from Mary Magdalene, my one link to reality
>gonna break out of this fucking jail
>try to break out of handcuffs
>they put me in a restraining chair
>an eternity goes by, waiting for the next dimension to kick in
>they set me in front of a wall with "HI :)" etched in it
>start screaming tons and tons of shit, theory after theory
>say I'm gonna break out and eat their computer
>seems like the police are going fucking crazy too
>start yelling 'i need to take a shit, i need some beer, i need some weed, i need some TV, etc. all the way to BRING ME THE ATOMIC BOMB
>think i'm dr manhattan and can't die without the atomic bomb
>start ripping through my hair to become dr manhattan, screaming for the atomic bomb
>cop comes over and leans my chair back, covers my mouth and nose
>oh shit i'm gonna die
>think I'm the joker and she's batman
>batmandoesntkillbatmandoesntkillbatmandoesntkill
>she sighs and gives up idk why
>>24920366
lol bring me the atom bomb
Who else is on anti-psychotics?
>they make me writhe around all night, too uncomfortable to sleep
>feel sleepy and sedated all day to do anything
>still get hallucinations, sometimes worse than when I started my anti-psychs
>feels like I'm in a straitjacket all the time
>>24920492
I was on zyprexia for 4 months a few weeks ago I said fuck it and quit all my meds
now I sleep 14+ hours a day but I feel better
>>24920366
>start breaking out of the chair, find a strap and pretend its a parachute
>i'm out
>they put me in another with more straps
>believe I can break out of it
>i'm out
>put me in a third chair
>i'm wearing like four spit masks because I keep chewing through them
>meditate insanely hard, chanting this mantra in my head about becoming the violet flame
>think "see through the eyes" and "go clear"
>tears start pouring from my eyes even though they're closed
>I can see through my eyelids and spitmasks and the cops look like demons
>start sweating profusely
>cops are freaking the fuck out
>they come over to me and say "ugh, it smells awful" like it was the worse thing they've smelled in the world
>they take me out of the chair and run me to the bathroom
>pull down my pants and order me to piss
>I scream I DONT KNOW HOW, can barely feel my body at all
>cop takes off his jacket and puts it on me
>"hey! you're wearing my jacket now, how do you feel about that?"
>the fuck
>my reality is fading in and out in flashes, feel like i'm about to shapeshift
>they say all right, we're gonna put him through the wall
>the fuck
>start freaking out because I think I'm going through the wall into another dimension
>they start banging me against a wall
>for some reason that knocked some sense into me and they take me to the car
>can't move my body at all for like 20 min
I'll continue to the hospital part if someone wants
>>24920492
I think the majority of people would be better off without anti-psychotics. I think when you first go crazy it's kind of like a thrill and then you go with it and it becomes part of who you are. The meds just make you scared of losing it when really it's natural for you. I've been on tons of antipsychotics and with I'd never been on them, I've never been able to feel like myself after being on them and don't think I ever will. Just waiting to die.
>>24920593
keep going im enjoy this
>>24920593
I almost wish I was psychotic since you seem to lead such an interesting life
Pls go on
>>24919454
me too senpai, I was going to sleep at night and waking up in the morning, eating at the table and doing social activities with people.
>>24920912
>mfw I still refused to eat with other people and ate in my room
>nurses said I couldn't do it and I did it anyway they tried to stop me and I just would not eat
>after like 2 days they just gave up
>>24920593
carry on senpai
>start and end anti depressants for a while
>cant spend a day without sleeping 10 hours or more
>no energy ever
>fat
mostly my fault but I just can't do it
>>24919990
your bro sounds hardcore
>>24920950
this happened to me too actually at the start for about 3 days, it was pretty comfy
My time in the loony bin was spent completely not talking to anyone or making eye contact with anyone.
I ate, but didn't drink once in three days and they found me unconscious in a hallway, then force hydrated me
I'm a normal person too, just so insanely anxious around others that I just shutdown. Once I get to know someone, I'm fine. Was in there for anxiety, naturally.
>>24920141
>>24920366
>>24920593
This is fascinating.
>>24920593
>driving to the mental hospital
>sunrise, feels like I'm looking at the sun for the first time
>think the world ended while I was in jail and the illuminati regenerated it
>get to the hospital, think i'm in some kind of fairytale
>they give me an ativan shot in my ass
>knocked out
>somehow wake up for a few seconds despite being heavily medicated
>roommate is crying to the staff at the doorway, he's pointing at me saying "i can't take it he loved her so much" starts saying some shit that i said in the jail
>the fuck.....fall back asleep
>wake up, feel kind of normal, refreshed after my breakdown
>roommate introduces himself, David, we talk some about theories but he seems reserved to tell me stuff
>says "i'm glad we got to be roommates man," and gives me advice like "it feels good to wear other people's clothes, i'm wearing Lucy's jacket right now. also it's good to have a girlfriend."
>go through regular hospital routine, think it's all fantasyland mind control
>start getting clues from news and tv we watch
>cops in my city went on strike
>murder happens in San Francisco
>think I'm from the future and me and this rapping black kid have the secret codes to stop the murder from happening
>use part of Mary Magdalene's number and part of the rappers number to form a new one
>call it
>"hey this anon from the future, just wanted to warn you that you are in danger, this call should make you safe though. keep on fighting, with love"
>high five rapper
>sleep most of the day
>one day David wakes me up by sighing and throwing a bag of cookies at me, "you win anon"
>remember screaming in jail at a couple locked up for dual battery that if he loves her he should get her cookies
>get out of bed and they're having a pizza party with Little Ceaser's and Pepsi
>this is meant to be since my name means little king and i was obsessed with pepsi and the super bowl
>talk to David, "when we cry it makes stuff happen right?"
>he nods, yup I was up last night crying
>>24921152
these are great keep going
this thread is great guys keep up the good work
>>24921152
>"and it's genetic?"
>he nods, with a grim look on his face
>"man I feel bad... I feel like I made bad things happen in the world"
>"don't worry dude," he says "it's mostly Obama fucking things up for us, trying to get healthier foods in schools and stuff"
>the fuck....remember refusing to eat at jail and basically running on empty when i was psychotic
>all the sudden he starts crying his eyes out
>he looks at me super intensely like he wants me gone for some reason
>"the end of the world," he says "it's all just molten rock just a bunch of molten rock"
>try to cheer him up, say "hey man you can't worry about that, its not your fault"
>"welp, I might as well pack my bags anon."
>the fuck...... was he here for me to learn a lesson?
>all of the sudden staff comes into our room, this HUGE, like 350lb man straight up TACKLES David on his bed
>lady yells at me "You, out!"
>murmur "but I was just trying to help..."
>"OUT"
>okay.jpg
>room is quarantined for a while
>next day
>I'm shifting dimensions again
>think David is the incarnation of the devil and is trying to test me
>haven't taken a shit the whole time (like 4 days) i've been in the psyche ward
>shit in the shower, pick it up and bless it by making crosses with the water in the sink
>eat a bite of it and scream "DAVID, DAVID YOU MOTHERFUCKER I'M GONNA BEAT YOU AND ALL YOUR FUCKING KIND"
>tastes like shit
>put the rest of it in the huge ass socks they gave me (thinking it belonged to a giant demon before me) and walk around in them
>David is RUSHED out of the hospital, never see him again
>get another shot of ativan and fall asleep as the phones are ringing, thinking its Mary Magdalene calling me and I'll never hear her again
>fall asleep like a badass, drifting into death
There's more but I don't feel like getting into it much, I really have got to write all this down somewhere else. There's a TON I left out that's really weird too.
Never been to a hospital, but I've had some spooky shit happen to me.
>be sick
>stay home from school
>sleeping in bed
>suddenly wake up with a sense of purpose
>i have to get out of this fucking house
>my first plan is to fly out a closed window since that's the closest exit and i've always wanted to fly
>start banging my head into the window
>mom comes in
>what the fuck anon?
>can't let her stop me
>tell her that my pet hamster has escaped
>she goes to look out the window and i run like hell
>go out the back door and run out into the road
>mom is screaming at me to come back
>keep running
>come to the corner of the road
>suddenly realize that i shouldn't run away
>turn around and ask my mother if she will give me cheese if i return
>she walks me back to the house
>vomit profusely on the way there
>mother asks if i want to see a doctor
>tell her no and sleep the rest of the day
>fortunately we only had one neighbor who might have been close enough to see the events but he wasn't home
>>24919103
I have always dreamed of becoming a cute asian girl. A regular girl works, but asian girls are top tier to me
I have crossdressing, but I'm just too big for it, not fat, but tall and with a big back, I don't have a petite shape
I sincerely don't know what to do anymore. Even when I lose a lot of weight, I just don't look small enough for it
Surgery is expensive as fuck here, I can't afford it now, and in the future it may be pointless when I'm 30 or so
Any advice? What should I do to end this horrible inner desire?
>>24921460
well keep writing it down here and put it in notepad
I wish my life was so interesting
>>24921600
get a new fetish
start wearing diapers
>>24919503
This is not what they look like in the US.
For starters, the place in the pic lacks the layers of institutional filth and grime found in our facilities...
>>24921643
it's not a fetish, m8. It doesn't give boners or anything.
I just wanna be a cute asian girl, mostly so I can do lesbian things and screw around with people.
I know it's stupid as fuck, but it has been in my head since forever, and it's quite driving me crazy lately
>>24921699
go to one thats not old as shit
all the hospitals in my area are pretty new
>>24921152
>dual battery
Do they need to press charges for that? Because if they don't want get get the law involved it seems wrong for them not to have a choice.
>>24921733
well dont do it
it will ruin your life
your going to be like that 60 year old Canadian guy pretending to be a 6 year old girl with 2 dads that spitroast him in the club
>>24921770
domestic violence is charged with no choice by either party
>>24921610
Eh, there's a lot I left out and kind of want to give the full story justice. Some "conclusion" I've come to is that if you drink your piss, stop eating, and stop sleeping and start believing every thought in head and follow that to the end of the world, paranormal shit will happen to you (if you have the right genetics I guess). To get to the point where your eyes have tears pouring out them because your meditation is so intense and your body cannot take the spiritual warfare going on for your soul, you will start shapeshifting. Into a demon, I think, but with amazing powers to control the world. If you do this I think you'll be caught by the government and taken to a vat in Dulce base. You shouldn't wish your life was like mine, mine is hell. I'm just waiting to die and discover what the "truth" is. Whether it's all for nothing or there really is something that I've been fighting for. I have fucking crazy dreams every time I go to sleep. I took a nap earlier today and in my dream I was in my bed being taken over by a demon, feeling like my heart was going to stop, until I reached out into the air and created a shining cross. I think everything I see, every number every sound every atom was a clue given to me to figure out what reality is. It's hard to take. I would give anything to go back to how I was before I was crazy, just a regular shithead obsessed with girls and making it somewhere with writing. Now I've basically given up everything and can barely function and it feels like reality is exploding all the time.
>>24921804
Interesting. I don't know this shit. I guess that makes sense. I just wonder how that works with issues of consent. Obviously it's not illegal to beat someone consensually within the realm of reason, and couldn't fighting sometimes leave some grey ground regarding whether both parties were willing participants in an event they both created? I know that's probably outweighed by the number of people who should report it who wouldn't out of fear, etc. Just something interesting to think about ethically
>>24921850
Your life sounds like someone who freaked out on deleriant doses of DPH and having a bad DMT trip. If I wanted to see what your life is like, I would eat like 600 milligrams of Benadryl, some LSD, and then smoke some DMT, all during a shitty amphetamine crash. I think that might get close.
>>24921905
Yeah, that sounds about right. And I've never even done any drugs harder than weed... fuck this existence. Like an anon said last night, there's no place for people with serious mental illnesses except being in jail or dead.
>>24921953
Yeah, I don't even know how to humanely treat people like that. Unless you're going to go hard on the meds, you're fucked. You could go be a crazy hermit in the woods. There was that guy in Brazil who dug himself a pit and started living there. He was schizophrenic or something, but he was just kind of doing his own thing and reacting better than he did in treatment, so they're leaving him be for now.
I fucked my friends corpse. When me and a friend were in high school and emo edgelords/ladies we made a pact that if one of us were to die the other one had to fuck the corpse. Well a couple of years went by and we joked about it now and then but we become more normie and less serious. I'll cut a long story short though. She looked beautiful in her casket. 22 years old. Laid out in her house. I got alone time with her. I missed her so much and remembered the pact. She would have wanted it. I don't regret it.
>probably mentally ill but still don't see anything wrong with what I done.
>>24922232
Absolutely nothing wrong with that. How did she die?
>>24922268
she was run over and decapitated by a truck
>>24922559
Where eagles dare
>>24919649
iktf, woke up drunk after some autism and when the bitch at my bedside asked me about how I felt I was honest. I was masturbating into the sleeve of the same vomit speckled flannel for 3 days.
im autistic ok ok
Anyone have a bondage fetish, and be restrained in the loony bin?
This is my fetish.
>>24923087
>that feel when you will never be restrained in a german loonybin with segufix
Does BPD count?
original comment original comment
>>24923364
whats bpd? bi polar or tranny shit?
>>24919990
What a weak ass punch. That better be solid wood.
>>24924111
what a bicth
you are all freaken losers
poop in your socks
I wish I was crazy
>>24919103
I've never been to a loony bin and I don't think I'm Mentally ill, apart from depression and anxiety. But the Special Needs part certainly fits me.
I was in Special Ed when I was in school and had an IEP for learning disabilities. In about 1st or second grade they realized that I was not normal and did a bunch of tests on me. I was then put in some extra classes/therapies such as speech therapy, social skills classes, occupational therapy, etc.. I was mostly mainstreamed with some extra services until middle school when I was put into a GTLD (Gifted and Talented Learning Disabled) program which still involved going to some normal classes with support but also involved a lot of SPED classes. After my freshman year in high school I was put in a small public charter special education school which I went to for two years. The school specialized in kids with Learning disabilities and/or Autism who were of average or higher intelligence, so basically no one who was intellectually disabled. The school was small and the classes only had 8-9 students each and had 2-3 teachers/teachers' assistants. After two years I managed to get sent to the school that I would have gone to if I wasn't a SPED. As part of going to that normal school my senior year was split into two years. I also had some special classes in that school such as resource classes, but I was mostly mainstreamed.
I had been diagnosed with Dyslexia, ADHD and Dysgraphia pretty early on. The SPED school I went to for two years claimed I also had "Executive functioning Disorder." At some point in high school, I believe it was my second junior year, I had a new psychiatrist mainly to prescribe ADHD meds that might actually work well for me (I have had every type of ADHD meds from adderal-stratara). During the first meeting with this new psychiatrist he said that it was very likely that I have Asperger's Syndrome and should be tested, but I vehemently refused to be tested.
>>24926634
I was in special ed classes in a normal school for autism
my first 4 years was in a repurposed janitor closet with a slanting floor and no windows
they never really taught anything just gave us busy work packets which a lot of days just said fuck it and stared at the wall
I wanted to kill myself by the 6th grade
im going to go sound like funzo
>>24926765
I love you anon
dfg
>>24926765
That sucks senpai.
I don't think they would try that shit in my school district. Also, if they did my family would probably have sued them.
At one point in elementary school I was put in the stupid people math class even though I was advanced in math. The school didn't seem to quite comprehend that someone could be Gifted and learning disabled. It took a while to sort that out because they seemed to not want to admit their mistake, but that was a fairly minor thing. The worst part of school by far was the bullying (physical, verbal, and emotional). I also wanted to die when I was in school stating about in middle school, but I never told anyone.
Also, on top of my learning disabilities and my suspected Aspergers, I was sick a LOT as a kid and I was severely underweight and quite short.
im a autistic retard
Nobody can help me and everythime I make a post about it people ignore it.
>>24927414
post it again and ill maybe not ignore it
>>24927428
I don't feel like it it makes my head feel bad and there is so much that I can't explain and you will just think I'm crazy or making up stuff.
>>24927434
I'm just happy there are people like me who have suffered. I mean not happy, just not so alone.
>>24927434
I take anti psychotics daily nothing is too crazy anymore
>>24927458
But that's exactly what made me sick
>>24927573
are you going to post it or not
no one cares faggots
>>24927585
Got sick lots of horrible pain lack of consiousness overal almost litterly dead on the inside that get's better then get sick in another way bones and body become messed up like rubber that gets weaker and smaller feel like I'm going to die accept it not going to die because find sort of a cure now live a suffering but happy I'm alive (sometimes) and it might get better completely maybe that's what I hope for. Not going in any more detail. pain lasted like a year or longer maybe less I don't know anymore then otehr shit lasted like a year now it's 2 years and half or something I really don't know anymore.
>>24927957
maybe you have fibromyalgia
>>24927985
Yeah I considered that but it's not just fibromyalgia trust me. I do believe I have it though it's far from everything and hardly notable.
dont tka ethe pills
>>24928268
dont listen to the jews
>>24921850
>I think everything I see, every number every sound every atom was a clue given to me to figure out what reality is.
Holy fuck i had this exact same trip on avis
Then i randomly said to myself "if there really is aa big plot going on, please make a red object appear on the table (i was sitting before an empty wooden table).
And then i saw a very little piece of red plastic and took it in my hands being absolutly blown away, people around me were looking at me taking pictures.
I wish to never live this kind of shit ever again.
>>24928658
On acid*
>bpd
Goddamn I fucking hate myself
>get attached easily
>get jealous easily
>really affectionate unless they hurt me
>get hurt for the simplest reasons
>get hurt for almost nothing
>everything is a fucking roller coaster
>people stop talking to me because of this
>friends don't talk to me anymore, family stays away
>desperately looking for love
>can't appreciate it for long because muh insecurity
>no personality or identity
>uninteresting
>episodes are becoming more frequent
>everything is going downhill
I hope I die soon.
>>24928793
I'm bpd and I get all of those too, anon. I have schizophrenia on top of it, which sucks a lot. At least sometimes I get these really happy episodes of hope and love.
>>24928824
I hope you get better or learn to manage these emotions better anon.Personally the episodes of happiness and love don't outweigh the negative.
>>24919649
fucking this.
I was put into a psych ward twice because of this. Fellow depressed/suicidal fags in America: don't ever, fucking EVER go to an American mental health clinic. They are absolute fucking garbage. I've gotten more meaningful and helpful advice here on 4chan than I ever did in therapy
>>24929052
the drugs are why you go
>>24921460
thank you for writing this, it's been a valuable insight
>>24928793
I understand these feels all to well.
been there twice, wish I could find my previous posts on the archive, but they involved pissing all over the floor of the ``quiet room'' out of spite and intentionally performing a maneuver to fully disrobe myself while stepping out of the stretcher at intake for no particular reason other than that it was funny as fuck
>>24928960
I hope you get better too. I've been using DBT and it helps a lot.
>>24929463
>mfw I was restrained in the quiet room and I had to piss real bad and they seemed to just ignore me and I ended up pissing all over myself
they made me wear a fucking diaper for the rest of the night
>>24929495
i wasn't restrained, just didn't like the fact that the place existed so I snuck in and tore up the pillow and made a fort and then couldn't really leave without being noticed so I took a piss right there
I think they made me take some haldol but that was the end of it
>>24929524
I remember you and your post
you sare all fags
>>24930114
Whats up with this shit? Calm down bro.
my doctor just gave me a sample of saphris
is it any good?
>>24930915
anyone I looked it up and its for schizophrenia and bipolar
did I get diagnosed with something and not told?
>>24919103
I have depression and social anxiety.
It's probably because I watched my Dad slowly die from MS, every visit his mind had degenerated further, last time i saw him he could barely speak and the last thing he said to me was "I love you" in a slurred and retarded. voice. He finally died when I was 8
>My mum had a breakdown through most of my childhood, I was constantly in day care/being cared for by strangers, I very rarely saw my mum growing up.
When i was 8 I started starving myself, I didn't want to live because my mum constantly told me about how i constantly caused problems and I couldn't do anything without making things worse.
I've attempted suicide multiple times.
That's a small snippet of my life...fun.
>been hikikomori since 14 after some bad shit in school
>degenerate furfag, christian and probably bi
>about 16
>finds a great friend on the furry fandom
>great friend likes me and is everything I have ever wanted in a person
>he has a gf, tho
>start a weird pet/master relationship
>we agreed on not doing sex online
>ohgodwedidit
>little to no self control around each other
>during 1 and a half year we stay like this
>everything is great besides the fact that I was the kek part
>he had a thing with another boy like this before me still while dating
>feels horrible after he gets married and leaves him for his own good
>gets depressed
>too emotionally attached and too many daddy issues
>worst year of my life
>goes downhill
>6 months and have psychotic breakout
>they get constant and common (about 1 each 2 weeks)
>becomes shut in
>no friends besides a few online
>some friends online leave me because I'm "annoying as shit"
>mom tells me that the last 3 years to the start of this were great but this last one was just downhill
>best years of my life was with a kek
>he was the one that made me a better person
>he messages me on my birthday
>found a substitute to be his pet
>knowing him, still a kek
>did all of this for nothing
>was just used for some time
>still emotionally leashed to him
>notices I'm full gay and not just "probably bi"
>decides for celibacy thanks to Christianity
>psychotic breakdowns become worse
>no friends
>no one to help
>slowly becoming more and more shut in because the social anxiety is getting worse
>hoping for better days
How do I help myself, robots? My family said "it is all in your head" and "you are just saying that because you didn't found a girl yet". I would have killed myself if I didn't knew that it would lead me to hell. How do I get better?
>>24931737
take anti psychotics
Currently on lamictal 200 mg per day. It's not stopping me from being sad, but at least I'm not gun-in-hand-ready-to-pull-trigger sad.
>>24919103
OH boi , I got some copy pasta for you guys. These storys are why I'm king of /r9k/, after I post some ill read you guys stories.
>Highschool
>math class I'm not paying attention
>Reading mad magazine and laughing
>Teacher gets mad and throws magazine out window
>I get mad and run out to get them and prop open door with my books so I'm not locked out
>Go back in and yell at teacher telling him "you think I'm stupid but I'm not and used the books so I could get back in",
>see all kids laughing so keep calling teacher stupid
>principal and cop come and restrains me and carry my to office.
>Principal says they can't have me going around tell people I'm not getting in trouble for tard rages.
>They put me on the stretcher (you go to psych ward in a ambulance) and cart me around the school for everyone to see rather then take me out the discrete exit
>>24931864
>middle school
>English class
>thought female teacher wore a toupee so I kept saying things like "toupee or not toupee"
>kids all laughing at me but I just see attention
>eventually I settle down and leave class to go to office
>elementary school
>math class and I'm struggling and look around and notice no one else is having trouble
>Freak out and throw globe off a desk and start flipping desk
>teacher panics and has all kids leave class
>principal comes and restrains me and carry's me to office
>Elementary school
>want to join chorus after school
>There's a line but retard me doesn't understand that and I cut to front and hang out by door with other kids
>Some girl tells me "line starts back there"
>freak out and run outside crying on the ground
>dad comes eventually and try's to calm me down
>Elementary school
>have lunch detention but getting hot lunch
>waiting in line for hot lunch playing gameboy
>teacher tells me I can't play with it in detition
>freak out and run out of school and hide behind some guys truck
>he comes outside and says shouldn't I be in school
>dad calls cops and drives around looking for me but doesn't find me
>guy moves his truck and eventually dad finds me
Bros how do I see a psychiatrist who can talk to me and assess whether or not I have a mental illness?
Britfag btw, it doesn't seem like it's that easy on the NHS. Will there be someone I can talk to at uni?
>>24932179
yeah if your uni is not a tiny shithole if not they probably have somewhere they can refer you
>>24921743
>go to one thats not old as shit
Well, the only ones around here are closing, so the only option here now is jail.
>run out of money for meds because state budget is fucked up
>paranoid and depressed
>like that cartoon where chicken little is screaming "mediocrity is rampant, mediocrity is rampant"
>get sent to jail for being 'danger to myself and others' after some woman called the cops because i 'walking while crazy' in the neighborhood
>72 hour hold because i was depressed as fuck and said something about wanting to die
>get shoved into a holding cell
>beaten to a bloody pulp because i was on some group of assholes' turf since i got pushed into their cell
>no food or medical attention for 72 hours
>released into february day with one shoe and a pair of bloody and torn jeans and a filthy t-shirt three sizes too small someone found for me
>now bruised, bloody, stinking like prison cleaners and shit, have been beaten, pissed on, shit on, no food, water, or sleep for 72+ hours by hyperactive gangbangers
>oh, yeah
>really fixed me right up
>walk home barefoot
>temp is like 8 above but windy as fuck
>get home after close to two hours of walking
>at least i got my keys back
>my cat is half out of his mind
>Mr. Pixel is starving
>has no water
>frantic
>keeps crying and butting his head against me
>put down food and water
>sit down next to bowl and scritch and pet him while he eats
>my heart just aches like hell
>i can deal with them fucking my life up
>i'm shit
>but my cat
>that was too much
I found someone to take Pixel in after that, can't be crazy and own a cat, not fair to the cat. Place I was at has been defunded, so homeless this winter.
>posted from a public library where people are truly sickened by how filthy i am
>have a thing about cleanliness, like used to wash my hands 40-50 times a day
>never being able to be clean is fucking intolerable
Anyhow.
>>24919990
The same thing happened only that I was the little brother screaming and the door was glass.
Now I have a scar that looks like I intentionally slit my wirst.
JUST
>>24932575
what state are you in
best advice is to get out of that state and go to a more mental illness friendly state
your not in Georgia are you?
>>24931737
We need a good hikikomori community like the one we lost when AnonIB went under.
That said, fuck yes, it is all in your head...that's where your brain is. What a stupid thing for them to say.
It's several pounds of the most complex organ in our bodies, with billions and billions of neurons and specialized tissues, but while people accept other organs break down or make mistakes, somehow, everyone's brains supposedly operate perfectly.
These people are contributing to your problem. They parrot this same shit over and over. Either they're not thinking at all, or they think they're actually helping, even though the actual evidence is to the contrary. I can only imagine how the religious shit is adding to mix.
How the fuck can we get you some real help, anon? Where do you live (like, country, city)? I'm assuming you're here, so you're over 18...are you your own person, though, or have you been declared incompetent? Do you have any family outside of Biblebelt hell that could take you in, knowing your flaws, but be willing to help out?
I'm not optimistic we can find anything if you're in the US, but shit...this sounds terrible.
>>24932636
Georgia's like the worst now, right? Nah, I'm in the previous record holder: Illinois.
Thing is, it's not their fault. It's mine. I just want to get my shit together and be self-reliant or whatever they call it now, but I'm too much of a failure.
Went to my gp the other day and he's referring me to a specialist because he thinks I have paranoid schizophrenia. Am I getting thrown into the loonybin lads? Be honest.
>>24933309
probably not brio
>dad is a violent schizophrenic paedophile from a rough city
>my mum was also violent
>parents moved from Manchester to Taunton in 1981 because racist
>had my sister in '89 and me in '92
>used to beat me, lock me in cupboards and wash mouth out with soap when I was as young as 3
>had to watch and sometimes get caught inbetween parents physical fighting
>mum and dad divorced in '95
>mum took me and sister to Manchester women and childrens home
>met a guy called Frank
>he used to beat me and my sister, swung us by our ears until they bled
>dad found us and took us to Exeter
>sexually abused me, physically abused me, mentally abused me and verbally abused me
>used to go crazy a lot, heavy drinker. extremely violent
>dropped sister off at cop station in June of '97
>I'm with this crazy bastard until late '98
>go into care
>am withdrawn
>I molested kids when I was a kid (even living with my dad)
>my foster dad cheated on my foster mum so there were a lot of fights there
>foster dad has punched me on occasion
>I tried to fuck foster sister
>killed her hamsters and a dog
>pyromaniac
>thought about mass murder a lot
>thief
>vandal
>I attempted burglary once
>zoophillia
Stopped all the bad shit now though. I just go to work and come home... Boring, day in day out. I have a new therapist who thinks I'm too unstable for PTSD therapy. Seeing psychiatrist for meds soon
(tfw possible BPD)
bpd bipolar ptsd
im kind of interested in trying my new meds
I quit everything 2 weeks ago
get out normies reeeeee
I got a story
>be me
>living in Philadelphia
>lived here all of my life
>after school I went to relax at a local park like I usually do
>see some kids that are sometimes at my school
>they look awful shifty
>they're all looking at one of the kids' pocket knife, I come to the conclusion that they're planning trouble
>have violent outburst and go fucking berserk
>kid stabs my shoulder
>stumble back home in a daze
>mfw mom said I have to live with my aunt and uncle from now on
>mfw in the fresh prince of bell air
>>24933567
sounds rough, hang in there anon
>>24934290
Nah. Normies must pay for this.
T-Thanks though
>>24933432
thanks mate, appreciated
>>24919103
i have been in the psych ward 4 times and detox 7 times and treatment 3 times, i am 22 and im not really that crazy, i just used to drink too much, self harm and want to die a lot
my first time was when i got dumped by the girl i still love to this day back when i was 20, we dated for 5 years. I tried to hang myself and it would have worked but the screw in the ceiling came off. I had a bruise around my neck the next day and my grandma called the authorities to haul me off.
the next three times weren't from suicide attempts. I would cut myself and accidentally go too deep and have to get stitches and then theyd send me upstairs.
I turned 21 and starting drinking cheap vodka every day. Leading to detox and sometimes treatment. This last time in detox I had 2 seizures.
I have been sober for a year since then and stopped self harm and all that shit. Im still depressed (i cant feel much of anything) but im comfortable.
I had to realize that i was either going to get better or i was going to die. Im not sure when something clicked and i didn't want to die anymore but thats how it happened, one day i did not like myself enough to actually want to change a little.
Bipolar type 2. What ever the fuck that is.
24 years old. Just started taking medicine. Lamictal or some shit.
>>24935503
does it work? bloz
>>24919103
>Serious symptoms of OCD/Bipolar/BPD/PTSD, Schizotypal and Depersonalization. (diagnosed)
>moved across the country, travelled, cut everyone off basically even though I was always alone anyways
>keep in contact with cousin every month or so (phone)
>no one knows that I am living in online gf's room for the past year and a half
>mental illness was at ease for once, never planned on staying here this long
>search craigslist all morning/afternoon everyday looking for a place to rent/job to work
>can only go out once a week while everyones at work
>wander aimlessly for hours
>luckily I live by the ocean
>still having bizarre thoughts/obsessions
>alcohol and marijuana don't even appeal to me anymore and just barely ease my symptoms
>I sit here staring out the window all day
>complete nothingness inside
>I don't even enjoy sex anymore
>constantly argue and get angry at gf for no reason
I realize that I need a change in my life but I am obsessed with the self pity
what the fuck is wrong with me.
>>24936379
weird......
thought I do relate to the isolation and sadness.
>>24936379
you need to do something new, you are bored and focusing too much on your mental illness. you need to accept it and move on.
>>24935151
The woman you loved left you because you loved her too much huh
Fuckig kill her mate.
>>24936379
I can relate to this, i'm absolutly unable to get hard when i try to have sex with a women, and i know i'm not gay.
>>24936685
The entire time I get depressing thoughts of how I'm just a human being thrusting my body into another human being and then it leads to me thinking about how one day I'm going to die and it turns into this fucking depressive mess... though recently I have found a way around it in my head, I just accept it and think about other things.
>>24921953
hello friend. it's me, you know me more than i know me. the truth is shining it's light upon you. your reactions are coming due to your calcified pineal gland. do not fight the light. learn how to live thru it. please join us
>>24919103
I was born with a slight learning disability. I still have an average IQ but my processing speed is a little slower.
I only had to do the even number homework problems in elementary school and would get pulled out of some of my classes to work with a special education teacher.
A lot of my classmates called me a sped growing up.
>>24931836
Dose it take long for the side effects to go? I'm on a pretty low dose and the exhaustion is so bad, feels like it's going to take ages to reach therapeutic doses
>>24937537
It will never go away
Enjoy the exhaustion. I hope it's worth it.
>>24936223
Idk yet. Only been on it less than a month.
>got in a car accident two years ago
>went to hospital to get fixed
>have a brain injury can't walk bad time with memory and speech
>went to two rehab places
>just got discharged at a good place
>go to a personal trainer and a physical therapist
>post here try to play video games but get bored
>>24937922
pic somewhat related what my car looked like just no spoiler
>>24919655
>I even have to hand it into the pharmacy in person
No shit. How else could you get a script filled?
>>24919655
Just be careful. I knew a guy on addy who got addicted and had to go to rehab. At one point he had 3 different doctors writing him scripts because he was eating them like candy staying up for days on end.
>>24921850
It is important that I speak to you in private.
Contact me at [email protected]
I got a qtp2t college chick to give me her number yesterday because it was the last day of the semester and we've been talking a lot. I just don't know what I should text her.
>>24932179
>the NHS
This is why I haven't bothered going to see anyone yet. Unless/until I get serious suicidal thoughts other than just a general feeling of "this is all just shit" I'm not going to waste their time.
life is shit deal with it nerds
>>24938171
>>24936899
lol fuck you guys
I can't remember if I jerked off today or not.
So who /ambitiouscrazy/ here?
Anybody plotting world domination?
>>24938275
>concerned about wasting the NHS' time
I have LITERALLY had better advice from /r9k/ than my GP. My nan was practically left to die and when my brother was in a car crash they stiched up his head and left him to lie in a bed to get better. Bro, the NHS is fucking wank.
>>24939298
The NHS is fucking wank because they're overworked and underfunded. One less "on the fence" person like me might not make a massive difference but it helps.
Blame fat fucks, smokers, druggies and idiots for your family's issues, not the NHS.
>>24922232
1. Why did you greentext the final sentence? Do you have any idea what you're doing?
2. How did it feel (physically)?
3. Why was her corpse in her house?
4. If she got run over by a truck and decapitated, wouldn't her body have been pretty mangled?
5. Does anyone know that you did this?
6. That's a terrible thing to do and I don't totally believe you did it and if it doesn't bother your conscience, you should probably remove yourself from society.
>>24933567
That's horrible. Hope you feel better
>>24931737
I can't follow this at all. You seem to be changing the narrative point of view. Please revise.
what's up you fucks
>>24932575
I doubt you can walk barefoot for two hours in eight degree weather without getting frostbite.
>>24933567
So you and your sister were abused by some guy at a DV shelter? How does that even happen?
>>24934408
Good idea - perpetuate the cycle of violence and abuse!
Nah actually just quietly kill yourself.
>>24939472
I'm not that guy, but morticians can do some absolutely insane shit with corpses. They could easily make a head look reattached to a body. Also, please explain how fucking a corpse with prior consent thrown in is morally wrong. You wouldn't argue that leaving your body for science is immoral, would you?
/r9k/ is \a psychotic illuminati group and we're all reinforcing eachothers delusions
>>24940048
The Illuminati were nothing more than a small group of European intelligentsia that existed briefly in the 17th or 18th century, I can't remember which.
Well then.
>be assburger
>be addicted to all kinds of downer drugs
>get sent to the loony bin for drug rehab and recovery
>great success
>the same day I get back out I start doing drugs again because I think it's the only way to handle daily stress and shit
>this time not telling anybody because I don't want to go back to that place
>also because it made my dad so worried and he has heart problems, I don't want to give him a heart attack
>out of money, out of drugs
>will spend all christmas and new years with extreme fucking withdrawals
>also turning 29 in January
>one year from becoming a wizard, and I just know I have to go back to the loony bin
I... have fucked up. I have no way out of this and I have ruined Christmas for myself... And my family who expects me to be there.
I wish I didn't have to work, maybe then I wouldn't feel so god damn much pressure from everywhere... But then, how do I pay rent?
It has even been so bad that I have stolen morphine from a close relative, risking his treatment just for two days without withdrawals.
Im a couple of days away from turning 28.
A month ago I finally got a work permit here in Canada (after waiting 6 months unable to do anything since no legal status) since I had been a foreign student until then.
I've been unable to find a job and although Im aware that its basically been a month since I could "officially" work here, the reality is that its almost 8 months since I graduated and Ive done jack shit other than moving to a city.
Before graduating I was going to the gym daily (mon-sat) and had a good body and pretty sustainable self esteem (balding badly btw).
These last months being by myself have really fucked me up imo, moving to a foreign city is kind of scary for many reasons, gained weight and I knew the entire process was going to be like this, waiting and waiting for permits and stuff.
Today I went outside to the supermarket and the guy that was behind me in line was also a foreigner and he was shy and akward in an almost creepy way and it hit me, thats basically what I look like to other people. I feel disgusted with myself, so earlier today I decided I was going to work out routinely again, Im going to try looking for a job even if its outside of my academic field.
Once I have enough to support myself (living off saved money) I will start my own business and if the stars align, I might even find a woman that feels sorry for how ugly I am and decides to hang out and maybe even have sex.
Lads, when things are looking down, when you have nothing and nobody, thats when you fight the hardest, when you set your mind to a goal and wont rest until youre there. Dont let it get you down all the time, its absoultely shitty and I know that feel when you wake up feeling like shit, but keep at it, youre not alone.
And im not saying this as someone who has overcome the odds, im still in the phase of "i feel like absolute shit and I have nothing and noone here"
>>24940077
yeah and we're nothing more than a small group of autistic neckbeards in mummies basement
>>24940256
the jews are behind it
>>24929052
Had a plan, but didn't say a word to anyone. Avoided hospitalization entirely. What did I miss?
>>24926634
lionsgate academy?
>>24920141
>>matrix-esque code flashes, mfw the good guys are hacking the bad guys for me
this made me genuinely laugh.
thank you for that anon
>>24932575
>get sent to jail for being 'danger to myself and others' after some woman called the cops because i 'walking while crazy' in the neighborhood
>72 hour hold because i was depressed as fuck and said something about wanting to die
Protip: if you going to lie, make it believable. Crazy people don't get sent to jail because they're acting crazy.
Unless you live in a 3rd world shithole, crazy people get sent to mental hospitals.
Dumbass.
>>24939930
Back to Reddit or tumblr with ya
>>24940878
Go ahead and laugh bud but it was REAL.
REAL I TELL YOU.
No seriously my computer was having a breakdown with me.
>>24941275
4chan is not, never has been and should not be about doing real harm to innocent people. You are the one that's part of the problem, friend.
>>24941439
Your story has changed everything for me. Now I clearly see what we must do brother.become a real weedcat
>>24941275
you go first thanks ok
>>24939940
>prior consent
The consent of underage edgelords means nothing. Especially after they'd come of age and years had passed and they'd become more reasonable adults and no one reaffirmed their consent.
Military. Hospitalized twice, both attempts. Stayed about two months each time.
That place looks like heaven compared to where I was.
>>24919407
Oh shit nigger you're in the army too?
My ASAP counselor is hot as hell, I'm not gonna cvck my wrists til after my next meeting with her.
i've been to the loonybin
:(
it has been almost a year since i relasped and ending up in crackerhouse
yay for me
>>24941056
>Crazy people don't get sent to jail because they're acting crazy.
>Unless you live in a 3rd world shithole, crazy people get sent to mental hospitals.
>Dumbass.
they do in the u.s.
http://www.takepart.com/feature/2014/01/22/prison-new-mental-hospital
http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2015/06/americas-largest-mental-hospital-is-a-jail/395012/
http://www.tacreports.org/jail-study
his story was typical.
lots of crazy homeless people die or get super sick because they don't get fed or get meds since the other prisoners take them. if someone is having an episode, the other prisoners and guards will just beat the fuck out of them.
>>24919103
I am bad with male friends and colleges, can't build a connection and have zero interest in them. Women on the other hand I try to hit them all the time.
>>24944274
normie get out get out now
I dont know what to do anymore
Thinking about going to the loony bin to justify why I failed all my classes this semester to employers. Do you guys think it's a good idea? I have lots of anxiety and it makes it difficult to leave the house, and sometimes I want to kill myself. I plan on telling them I'm planning on throwing myself off a bridge the day I go into the hospital so I get admitted faster. I have a lot of problems and my psych refuses to give me any meds for them. I don't want to be on SSRIs again.
>>24945086
yea it will work
you can probably get the classes forgiven too
>>24919103
That image is from a cancer ward for Teenage Cancer Trust
>>24921528
Surely must be mushrooms
>>24945107
Will they be suspicious of me if I mostly act pretty normal? I could drink coffee to make me shaky and hyperventilate to raise my blood pressure.
>>24945121
Thought it looked too good to be a ward.
Well, that's OK.
Lately it's been getting more difficult for me to sleep. Can't even lie down without getting panic attacks. I had to open up a bottle of klonopin I only took once and it helped me calm down a bit. I am scared of getting addicted to and reliant on meds. Does anyone know of any methods to calm the fuck down? I've tried meditation and deep breathing but whenever I'm losing my shit I'm like that for hours.
>>24920141
>>24920366
>>24920593
>>24921152
>>24921460
That's some of the scariest shit I've ever read.
>>24946060
run. run and shower helps me. why do you get panic attacks?
>>24947521
Yeah I already work out but it makes me feel more tired than anything, at the same time doesn't calm me down either. And I get panic attacks from pretty much fucking anything. Going outside, doing schoolwork, looking for a job, thinking about my fuck ups and/or future.
>>24947633
do you have friends or do you spend all your time alone? i haven't had a problem with panic attacks until i isolated myself towards the beginning of this semester.
>>24947694
I have online friends I talk to on Skype, don't have IRL friends. I guess that doesn't really count does it.
I know I'm fucked somehow. I used to be pretty smart and kind of still am, but I'm incredibly spacey with no control over it and I'm getting weirder socially. Did an online schizophrenia test and scored pretty highly, but I realize it's possible that I forced that result because I want a semi-fixable problem.
the demons are coming
>>24930915
just tried the meds
they are really spicy in my mouth
made my tongue numb but im already feeling sedated
you are all weaboosn
going to bed we must keep this thread alive for 72 hours
>>24919655
Be careful man. I was hooked on adderall. Wouldn't sleep for days. I went to rehab for three months earlier this year
>>24936784
THIS
FUCKING CHRIST
thought i was the only one
>>24936784
>>24949850
same :/
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