Would you guys like to hear a story from a sad person? Give me the go ahead and we can bask in >tfw no hope in life.
Sure buddy post it
>>24935823
I'm here for you man. The only thing we have, is each other.
Ight. Not sure if this is so extreme or it'll pass but here we go.
Two years ago (April time) , hadn't had a gf for all my life, be the guy in high school who the girls would joke about dating. Started getting more and more into music at this time, particularly vaporwave because /mu/. I talked to this girl from cali over this game and got really close, she was fuck ugly but we got along. Couldn't be bothered with a ldr at the time so I cut her off, and began deluding myself that I was a sociopath. Did this to numerous other girls despite getting really close to them. My friend told me I needed to get a gf because he found it sad, so I went ahead and installed some dating app. Started talking with this girl 6/10, Asian, lived not too far away, got along in ever way and she liked the music I was into. One day for no reason I decided to cut her off. We were close to meeting up and getting even closer and I got annoyed by her all of a sudden. A month later my grandad died, and throughout the summer holidays I was going crazy, I thought I was dead and was in purgatory, but didn't really care about the girl I cut off. After summer school started again and things were going okay. I slowly began to notice how there weren't any girls who were similar to the girl I was talking to, we'll call her Jessica for now. I talked to the few friends I had about it and they were like, you need to man up and unblock her and say sorry. I had thoughts in my head that she wouldn't care and would laugh at me for taking it so seriously, or hate me for it because of how close we were to meeting up. Shit gets more intense, trust me.
>>24936204
wait so is there more?
>>24935823
So you probably think that this is some online shit and I should man up etc but near the end you'll understand the state I'm in right now.
So I unblock the girl on fb, nothing has changed except her profile picture, and heck she looked decent in it. I had the chat open ready to say something, for three days. Each day I contemplated a message, trying to cover each point of the message. By day three I thought fuck it, what's the worse that could happen. I laid in bed and opened her profile. 'content not available' shit shit shit. I refreshed and did everything to try to get to her profile, but on the day that I manned up she deleted her account. I searched her name everywhere and the only thing I could find is her friend's fb page where her IG is mentioned,which was also gone. I listened to some deafheaven and just laid in bed until 3am thinking about how much of a pussy I was.
A few months went by and I thought I'd moved on. I talked to a few girls, and even managed to get into a relationship. Around January, after relationship ended and my exams ended, I realised how much I fucked up at that time, I began a search. I remembered her 'sister' and found her IG, and eventually found Jessica's IG. She went from a 6/10 to a solid 10/10. I manned up this time, I sent her a messages outlining everything, I didn't care about a relationship this time, I just thought an apology would be required.
>>24936274
I awaited a response, asking my online friend if this was a good idea etc. I had cold sweats and was listening to please remember by deafheaven, kinda cinematic for me at the time. I got a response and she was aggressive, 'yeah I remember you, bitch, what do you want?'. I explained again I couldn't help cutting her off. She understood and we talked until early morning hours,she asked for my snapchat etc and the next day she messaged me at 7am. However, in the afternoon she sent me messages asking if I was messing around with her, telling me she doesn't actually remember me and wouldn't like proof. I provided proof that we were talking and that close and she accepted it. After this I would look at her stories on SC and wait to Popup, getting extremely nervous like an aspie etc. The conversations were blunt, and if I didn't popup then we wouldn't talk. Shit was awful. I decided I should let it go, so I did. I started talking to a girl for two weeks or so during this break and we got on very well. But old habits die Hard, I cut her off. I messages Jessica and asked why we weren't talking anymore, what was up, etc. I was just as nervous before waiting for that response. During this time of talking to Jessica, before this break, I became very self conscious, I saw her looking at my pictures on snapchat and I thought my looks were the reason she hated me. I'm a solid 4/10 btw. So anyway I waited for a response again.
>>24935823
So she asked for my number and we started talking on that. I found out she was into soft grunge stuff and aesthetics now, and we talked about loads of stuff all night, and occasionally were flirty with each other. Near the end of the second day of talking she hit me with this random shit. She said how I wasn't a real man, and she wanted someone older so take her away on a romantic adventure and I couldn't provide that for her. I told her that you underestimate me and she said okay,so we talked for the rest of the night. In the morning she popped up and I told my friends about it. They were urging me not to take it further because she sounded crazy and wouldn't grow on me. I shouldve listened to them at the time. At the weekend I decided to get drunk/tipsy. I managed to man up and call her and hear her voice after a year. I told her that I want a relationship with you and I'd like to be more than friends and that everyone has fantasies etc. We got more sexual that night and she told me she was bi and ate pussy before. Sounded cool at the time. We called occasionally after this time, I never really knew what she was really like though. I just knew her and had this massive crush. Shit gets a lot worse though after this.
>>24935823
One day she points out she still doesn't believe that we were that close before, and screenshots weren't proof. I brought up her 'sister' and found out this was actually her ex. She disclosed nothing with me. After this,one night she said she reminded me of her ex(?) and decided to cut me off because it would be better for me. I convinced her not to,but she came up with this crazy idea that after a 4 MONTH BREAK we would talk again. I got my friend to convince her otherwise and it worked. It just got worse. We now could only talk on Fridays and she'd always be in a mood, constantly being blunt and telling me to just go away, despite me not doing anything bad to her. Random things happened like her saying she missed my voice, and the Friday thing stopped. She wanted to call every single morning and on Saturdays. It was alright. We got a lot closer, and the mood swings continued and she cut me off a few times again. One time for a week, but she came back and this was around the time we got extremely close, and started talking about meeting up again.
>>24936869
I am refreshing anon
>>24935823
Weirdly, it seemed like everytime I ordered a takeaway something bad was happen. Once again something bad happened when I did. She said 'if I get too close I'll just get hurt' and left it at that. I was confused, she wouldn't respond to anything I said and it just reminded me of all the previous times she cut me off. I drank myself nearly to death last night over something which seemed so small, if I walked away a few months beforehand none of this wouldn't happened. She desperately wanted to call me, she told me the next day, and she did other weird stuff like when I had no Internet and didn't respond she sent this 'if you don't respond in thirty minutes I'm cutting you off because I cba'. I called her that night and we sorted it out, apparently I guilt tripped her. I ignored it like a kek and we talked all night. I was too afraid to Skype because >tfw self conscious. I asked her what time it was because I had college and she lied to me to keep me up. When I realised she asked if she hated me for it and I said no I love you for it. She instantly said 'I love you' and it was the first time I've heard someone say that so genuinely to me. She asked me to say I love you because it gave her butterflies and so I did. After this we called every single night and we never ran out of conversation.
>>24935823
Sorry for all the spelling mistakes and no green arrows I'm on my phone
>>24935823
Anyway, it started feeling just like last year. I loved every bit of it every night we would call and just tell each other how much we loved each other. We got to the stage where we started having phone sex and fuck it was so hot. I started taking codeine though, not for its intended purpose. I made lean and sipped it weekly and she did too, but the dumb bitch had stomach ulcers and nearly overdosed despite it saying you shouldn't take it if you have stomach ulcers. She stopped and I continued. My exams started and she cut me off for eight hours once, but nothing too bad. We revised together and flirted constantly but I was still shit scared of something bad happening. She had mood swings sometimes and it was awful, she'd be blunt, generally mean etc. However we had our good times too. I read to her at night and she'd say how much she loved me and it was so amazing to finally feel loved by someone had been in my mind for a year. The mood swings got worse during the exams, she was always doubting of herself and it was awful for me to hear some of the things she said to me. My friends were happy that I finally had a gf, and she called me her boyfriend all the time. It was strange though, occasionally she'd call me her best friend and say I don't know what I want from this relationship, but I ignored it. I needed to see her. I tried convincing my parents that I could get a train to where she lives and stay and my relatives house, I became depressed at the fact they wouldn't let me because they thought I'd get fucking honour killed by her parents (seriously).
>>24935823
Shit seemed like it was getting worse and worse. Moods swings were regular and I was shit scared she'd cut me off, I felt like I was going crazy again,feeling like this was my punishment for all the people I've cut off etc. By the end of it we had a plan sorted out that she'd visit me after the exams and she kept delaying the date. By my final exam I bleached my hair, chapped my eyebrows and felt a lot less self conscious. I had three spliffs that day and relaxed with my friends, talking to her on the side telling her what I was doing etc. Being high I was a lot more lovey Dovey and sent a lot of hearts etc which she barely responded too. When I got home I was tired and messaged her asking if she wanted to call. She told me she had 'family issues' and couldn't right now. Not to worry I thought, tomorrow. I messaged her first which was unusual and asked if she wanted to call. She said I'm at work and will be working all week and can't. Fair enough I thought. In the afternoon however she posts and image of herself on snapchat of her in bed referencing a convo with someone. We didn't talk for three days and I watched her ignore me. I o r d e r e d a t a k e a w a y. I asked what's up why haven't we been talking? She comes back with blunt responses and I got upset and asked what's up. She denied anything was wrong and I said I can't wait to see you. She then goes erm... Yeah. I asked what's up again. She said 'I don't think it's a good idea for us to see each other again, we'll just get too close' I think Oh shit Oh shit it's happening again.
Go on, write more. I m sure everyone will read it
>>24935823
She said she didn't want me to love her anymore and I should talk to other girls for my own good. She started contradicting herself and saying things which didn't make sense. She posted references of me on snapchat and said shit like suck a toe (I have a foot fetish) and then suddenly started being sexual. Stuff calmed down but then she brought it back and we had a full blown argument. I fell asleep and had some crazy dreams. I was in a super market with endless rows of food and I saw her standing there. She walked up and touched my heart and said 'does it hurt?' and then I woke up. I should mention during my exams I started smoking a few cigs a a day. When I woke up I showered, had breakfast and waited for my dad to go shopping. When he went I laid on my bed and cried the hardest I've ever cried in my life. I listened to shyne like heaven by black cray and just couldn't hold back my emotions. I told her how delusional she's being and how this is breaking me apart. She agreed and said she couldn't help it. I felt bad for roasting her and we talked things out. She felt sad for me and kept saying sorry and accepted she was saying things she shouldn't say. This went on for a few days, I installed tinder and saw how none of the girls compared to her and deleted it. When I got tailored for an end of year party I rang her and told her how I was feeling, that if this was confusing for her imagine how confusing it is for me. She ignored it and just started talking. We talked until midnight and she then said 'I love you' and then said I hope that makes you understand. With that things went back to normal. We started watching movies together and she wouldn't stop apologising and saying how much she loved me.i went on holiday to Spain and we called every night, I manned up and decided to video call. She downloaded Facebook and we did. She told me how beautiful I was. That was the first time anyone said that to me.
>>24937786
Just needed to get it off my chest man. Sorry that it's long and shit. I'll post a tl:dr soon
>>24938009
It is very interesting, looking forward to the epilogue
Get to the point you stupid fuck.
>>24935823
So we met up and it was romantic as fuck. Constantly kissing, lost my virginity etc. I was incredibly sad when I left but she visited a few weeks later. Her mood swing got worse, her actual sister found out about us and she got scared and said she didn't believe in love etc. After all that we still met up and I booked more tickets. I went to holland to meet that friend I was talking about. After this my parents took a stance and told me that I had to break up with her. During that time she was feeling incredibly depressed. I started smoking a pack a day and tried to get things right again. She said she'd 'probably say yes' to my question of if she wanted to date me again. She kept saying how we weren't together and just friends despite masturbating on cam together. We met up(pic related) , had sex and stuff and made promises to each other. We had plans of moving in together, going on holidays etc.
>>24935823
During up until December we just got distant. I we didn't speak as much and she started talking to random guys on fucking instagram. I overdosed on tremadol for some stupid reason and my parents sent me to a therapist. They diagnosed me with clinical depression. I kept trying to keep the relationship going despite arguments over arguments. One day she talks to a guy and they start flirting. He's a model. This guy gets as close to her as I did in two fucking hours. It took me two years. They meet up in 6 days and it took me like 6 months to actually meet up. I watched this unfold on our 'shared' IG account. She would talk to me about him and yeah. The dumb bitch got dumped by him two days after me saying fuck you to her which was a bit of sweet revenge.
Tl:dr
I spent over two years on a girl I barely knew because I can't get a girlfriend irl and then after getting close and meeting she dumps me for a model after three months.
I thought the context might interest you guys, sorry for making it long.
>>24935823
If anyone would like to post shitty past relationships which still make them feel shit to this day go ahead; I'm up for a read.
At least you fucked her I suppose
>>24938615
The only positive thing that came out of it.
