The sun has long since failed to penetrate the curtains drawn over your windows. The only reason you woke up today was because you simply could not sleep anymore. You glance around for your alarm clock that hasn't been set in over a decade, and it reads 4:05 p.m. Looks like you overslept. Sitting up in your bed, you see the detritus littered around you - empty domino's pizza boxes, 2 liter mountain dew bottles filled to the brim with urine, plates smeared with bread crumbs and honey mustard dipping sauce. It truly is the dawn of another glorious day in your carefree NEET life. All is well, until you hear it coming up the stairs - the heavy thudding of the footsteps of one of your parents. Oh, how you wish they would get off your case about finding a job and a girlfriend and going to college, but there's only so much one robot can realistically do. So, you do what comes naturally...
>1. Masturbate furiously
>2. Boot up your computer and ________
>3. Demand a plate of tendies, purchased with your hard earned good boy points.
>4. Other (write it in)
>>24717042
Masturbate furiously t b h
>4. Write resume, get life back on track
>>24717042
>Masturbate furiously
So, you do what comes naturally. You whip your dick out of your Pepe The Frog jammies and start stroking it, thinking of that trap loli furry image series you were enjoying last night. Your penis is instantly erect, and you begin to beat it like it owes you good boy points. The steps of your parents get closer and closer to your door as you climax, spraying your jizz all over your stomach. As you breathe out a heavy sigh, you hear a knock on the door.
"Anon? It's your mom. Can I come in?"
>Clean up real quick, get dressed, and answer the door
>Get dressed and answer the door
>Just answer the fucking door
>REEEEEEEEEEEEE
>Other (write it in)
Other: start again and finish on mom
>>24717229
>Other: start again and finish on mom
"Just a minute, mummy!" you answer as a sly grin spreads across your face. The golden opportunity for a practical joke now lays open before you, and it would be a shame to just turn it away. You rub your chub tenderly, trying to reawaken it. You focus your minds eye on all the ladyboys you can conjure. Your dick begins to harden again, and you stroke it furiously.
"Anon, what are you doing in there? Is everything alright?"
"Just one second, mummy, I'm coming right now!" you say as you feel a second climax coming on. You grab the knob, turn the handle, and fling the door wide open in one majestic motion as your cock spits semen at your mother's unwitting frame. She screams with horror, and runs away in tears. That'll teach her to knock on my door, you think to yourself. But the day is still young! There's so much to do and so little time. Now, with your balls thoroughly depleted, you realize you ought to...
>Go on your computer and _____
>Go downstairs
>Go outside
>Other (write it in)
>>24717354
>Go downstairs and get a hearty breakfast of tendies
>>24717451
>Go downstairs and get a hearty breakfast of tendies
Now, with your balls thoroughly depleted, you realize you ought to go downstairs and get a hearty breakfast of tendies. You don't even bother changing out of your soiled jammies. You'll smell the funk later. You head downstairs and walk to the kitchen. From the back of the house, you can hear your mother sobbing softly.
"Mummy?! Mummy, I'm HUNGRY! I want tendies!"
Briefly, there's a pause in her cries. You hear someone coming towards the kitchen, and your step father rounds the corner. He looks grim, although it's not like your severe autism let's you interpret facial expressions, anyways. He pulls a chair out from the dining room table, and sits down facing you. Your mother can still be heard sobbing in the distance.
"Anon, we need to talk."
>Engage him in conversation.
>Demand tendies from your step father.
>Initiate combat.
>Other (write it in)
>>24717580
>Initiate conversation: "Give me tendies then I'll talk!"
>>24717617
this is my choice too
>>24717617
>>24717673
>Initiate conversation: "Give me tendies then I'll talk!"
"Give me tendies, and then I'll talk!"
He pauses for a moment, taken aback by your statement, and considers it momentarily. To him, it seemed like a reasonable request. He goes over to the freezer and fishes out a bag of chicken tenders, and places a few on a plate, and throws it in the microwave for a few minutes. When the plate is finished, he sets it on the table, along with your favorite honey mustard dipping sauce. You start to eat voraciously. Furious morning jackoff sessions take a lot out of a NEET, and nothing but the most delectable tendies can satiate your hunger. As you gorge your maw, your step father starts to talk to you.
"Now, Anon, your mother and I have been talking. She told me about what you did to her this morning, and... it was extremely inappropriate and out of line. You need to apologize to your mother immediately. Also... we think, that, in light of recent events, it would be best if you found your own place to stay."
You almost choke. What the Hell did he just say to you? Apologize? MOVE OUT?
>Do as he says
>Throw a fit
>Initiate combat
>Other (write it in)
>>24717736
>Throw a fit: Begins with "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD REEEEEEEEEEEE!"
>>24717770
This seems to be a good action to do
>>24717770
>Throw a fit: Begins with "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD REEEEEEEEEEEE!"
All of a sudden, you hear alarms going off in the distance. It sounds like the apocalypse, or world war three, or all hell has broken loose, and all you can hear are the air raid sirens screaming as you yell at the top of your lungs "YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
The ferocity and high pitch of your ree-ing forces your step dad to cover his ears in pain. You start to stamp your feet as you reeee loud and proud for the whole world to hear. As your bowels vacate in rage, you reach into your pants and grab the slimy turd in your greasy palms and start to smear it all over the kitchen walls, tile, and counters. As you let out a triumphant ree with your head turned up to the sky, the siren's scream is broken by a loud SMACK. A belt lands across your chest.
>Fight back
>Cry like a bitch
>Other (write it in)
>>24717851
cry for mummy to help
>>24717851
kick legs in the air and scream for mommy to help you
btw I really like your writing style :)
>>24717930
agreed
If it continues this could be the best /r9k/ thread in a long time
>>24717860
>cry for mummy to help
Silence has now descended in the kitchen, as you look at your step father in both shock and horror. He - He HIT YOU. Tears start to well up in your eyes, as you run towards the living room, yelling for your mummy.
"Muh-muh-mummmyyyyyyy.... stepdaddy hit meeeeeeeee..." you say, mustering all your pathetic nature into these few whimpered words. Instantly, overcome by her nurturing motherly instinct, and perhaps, a little of her own autism, she gently strokes your hair and hush's you, telling you everything is going to be okay. Your stepfather enters the room, and sees the two of you embracing each other.
"You hit my son. Get out of my house. Now." She says, coldly and flatly.
He snorts, and walks off, mumbling something about her stretched out roast beef pussy wasn't even worth the headache of her shit tier son anyways.
>Enjoy the embrace for awhile
>Apologize to your mother
>Follow your step father out and proceed to torment him
>Other (write it in)
>>24717980
>>Follow your step father out and proceed to torment him
do like the kid you know nanananana
>>24717979
>>24717930
I intend to pastebin this and probably do it again in the future, because, hey, I'm having my own autistic fun here.
>>24717980
>Enjoy the embrace for awhile and grope a tit since you are there
In for a penny, in for a dime.
>>24717980
Follow stepfather but have a mental breakdown and torment him?
>>24718014
I for one am having a good time, keep going OP
>>24718012
>Follow your step father out and proceed to torment him
As you and your mother hug out your differences, your stepfather is busy loading up his belongings into his car. As she finishes soothing your vicious war wounds, you give her a kiss on the cheek, and then bounce away again like the ball of autistic joy and torment you know you are. After all, this isn't over. He tried to get you thrown out of YOUR house. YOUR domain. And in this house, you are GOD, and those who cross you will feel your wrath.
Nimbly, you sprint out the door as he is hauling a few boxes of his belongings to his car.
>Smear feces on his vehicle
>Urinate in his gas tank
>Push him while he's carrying his boxes
>Other (write it in)
>>24718073
Push him down stairs
>>24718073
Piss on his belongings
>>24718073
>Other (write it in)
tell him you will look for a job and leave him alone if he buys you some vidya
>>24718073
smear feces on his vehicle
I hope we can later fuck the mom
This is the thread we needed, but not the one we deserved. Thanks OP
>4
Go to Oregon and pretend to be egg head man
>>24718095
>Push him down stairs
Silly you! You must have ran out the door while he was still in the house. You run back inside again, and you can hear him rustling around in the bedroom, gathering up his belongings. You station yourself strategically in the broom closet at the top of the landing of the stairs. With your eyes on the landing, you wait for his approach.
He's carrying the lazy man's load alright. Too many items stacked too precariously and far too high, and he's straining under the weight, clearly in a hurry to get out of this house and put this all behind him. With a triumphant reeeee, you run out of the closet as his first foot hovers in the air over the first step and give him a hard shove.
It all happened like in slow motion. The boxes flew upwards and out and cascaded down the stairs in a rain of cardboard and books and tools and knick knacks, followed by the rolling body of your step father, occasionally smacking with a dull thud against the posts on the hand rail. Down, down, down he went, rolling over himself and all his belongings. With one final crack, his head connected to the last post and he fell silent, twisted and mangled at the bottom of the landing. You giggle like a little school girl. It crescendos into maniacal laughter.
Your mother comes in from the living room after hearing the commotion, and sees the sprawled body of your stepfather on the floor and you laughing like a maniac at the top of the stairs. Oh shit, nigger... better do something.
>"He tripped."
>Run away.
>Claim responsibility for your actions.
>Threaten your mother to keep quiet.
>Other.
>>24718223
> run away to bed room to shit post
>>24718223
>scream at top of lungs and shit yourself
>>24718244
She stares at you, and you stare back, like a deer caught in the headlights. Without saying a word, you dart back into your bedroom and lock the door, and fire up the old computer.
Man, what a stressful day... Better go shitpost a little bit to blow off some steam. But where to go?
>Board?
>>24718223
threaten your mother
Emotionally break her and make her into sex slave.
>>24718272
>Go to /r9k/
>Make this thread
>>24718272
Post wagekek threads on r9k
>>24718272
R9k of course
>>24718303
kek we have gone full circle
>>24718303
fuck this make the wagekek thread
Wasn't there an actual r9k vn at one point? Looked pretty great actually.
I've never found myself F5ing anything this hard in my entire life
>>24718303
>Go to /r9k/
>Make this thread
But where to go? Of course, the only real bastion of autists just like you left in the world - /r9k/. You load up the catalog and see that it's full of the usual bullshit - red flag lists, >tfwnogf, frog posters, NEET vs wagekeks, race baiting, and women hate. But you're not here for that. You start to write a thread, about a choose your own autism adventure, when you hear footsteps coming up the landing again. They sound heavier than your mother's. It almost sounds like a couple of men wearing boots. Three sharp knocks sound on your door.
"Anon, it's the police. We have some questions regarding your step father's fall and the altercation between you and him that took place earlier. Could you please open the door?"
What do?
>Answer the door
>Ignore it and hope it will go away
>Masturbate furiously
>Other (write it in)
>>24718388
>Answer the door
break your own nose and say stepdad did it
>>24718388
>Answer the door
innit
>>24718406
>Answer the door
>break your own nose and say stepdad did it
It's time to lay on the autist charm. You ball your hand into a fist, and smash it into your face. Blood starts to pour out of your nostrils and down your lips and chin and into your neckbeard. For good measure, you smear it around a bit with a wadded up cum rag you left next to your computer. You lift your fat ass up from your computer chair and waddle to the door, and open it. Two police officers are standing there, and they're taken aback by the foul odor emanating from your room, and the fact that they are confronted by a bloody faced neckbeard in his nighties.
"S-sir, we have some quest-"
You fake your best sob, and begin to wail, proclaiming that you were on your way up to your room when you were accosted by your step father, and he swung at you and bloodied your nose, and in the ensuing struggle to get away from him, he fell down the stairs. To add extra proof, you lift your shirt and show them the welt from the belt mark across your chest. Your mother confirms the story about him hitting you with the belt.
"We're... sorry to trouble you then, sir... thank you for your time."
That should keep 'em away for awhile.
>Back to shitposting.
>Go downstairs.
>Go outside.
>Other (write it in)
>>24718481
>>Go outside.
get sum fuk
>go outside
find drugs
>>24718481
>Time to go downstairs and get some tissues for your nose - there's a lot of blood and all your cumrags are screwed up and cumstained
>>24718481
>Other
Piss on the cop car from your window. We must show them that they can't just invade our space.
>>24718481
Smear shit on the walls
>>24718508
>Go outside.
>get sum fuk
What a wild day! You feel the need to get out of the house for a bit. It's starting to feel a little bit claustrophobic in here, what with all the law you had to lay down earlier today. You put on your favorite slippers, and march on down the stairs to the front door, and step outside. It's a beautiful day, and the sun is starting to go down. An older widow sits on her patio swing across the street. A young couple is visible through their living room window. A few boys and girls are playing in the park across the street, and a couple of older teenagers can be seen on the bleachers. In the backyard of one of your neighbor's house, you see their family dog running around, and you see their cat languishing atop the fence.
>Older widow
>Young couple in their house
>Kids on the playground
>Teenagers on the bleachers
>Dog
>Cat
>>24718584
Widow
>>24718592
Something about older women always intrigued you. Then again, you're also a sick Freudian fuck who always wanted to have wincestual sex with your own mother. You instantly feel your boner throbbing in your pajamas, which, considering that their pajamas, now sticks out ridiculously, flapping in the wind. You spit in your palm, and run your bloodstained, feces smeared hands through your hair to smooth it back. Casually, you saunter across the street to where she's sitting on her porch.
"Hey bby," you say as smoothly as you can, "want some fuk?"
She looks up from the magazine she's reading, and see's you, the obese, pajama wearing, bloody faced shit smeared cum stinking NEET soliciting her for sex, and she stands up, and starts to back away towards her door, facing you the whole time.
Of course, it's the thrill of the hunt, right? Go get her, tiger.
>Follow her into her house
>Have your way with her on the patio
>Other (write it in)
>>24718669
>>Follow her into her house
>Follow her into her house
>>24718669
>Shove her back against the door and do here there and then
Go after the dog instead
>>24718711
>Follow her into her house
She reaches out her hand behind her to turn the knob, and she tries to squeeze in her door without letting you through, but after a consistent diet of mountain dew, chicken tendies, and dominos pizza, your sheer body mass alone makes up for your wanting strength. You burst through the door like the KoolAid Man would through the twin towers. Quickly, you shut it behind you, and lock it. She's still backing away from you.
"I'll call the police," she says shakily.
"Don't be like that mummy, your baby boy wants a hug," and you charge at her and grab her. It's like an infant fighting a grizzly bear, her weak, older frame unable to resist your massive girth, as you drag her to the floor and climb on top of her. You rip at her clothes and manage to get her shirt off, the whole while as she's screaming. However, when it comes to removing her bra, you are completely confused as you have no experience in how this device works. After coming to the realization that tits are a strictly aesthetic part of sexual intercourse, you rip her pants off and pull her panties aside.
"Ewwww, roastie," you squeal, half sick, half delighted. You whip out your knob and rub it a bit before forcing it between her pussy lips. You start to thrust wildly, calling her a dirty slut and an old washed up whore of a Stacey, but this being your first time , you finish up after only a few thrusts. It was disappointing for both of you. Especially since women have rape fantasies all the time.
You get up awkwardly as she lays there on the floor and starts to sob.
>Leave her there
>Cuddle with her
>Kill her. Can't leave witnesses
>Other (write it in)
>>24718832
Kill her then fuck the corpse
Also, gents, I got to go real soon. It has been a blast. I shall endeavor to continue this tomorrow and we can have some more fun. Figure same time same place.
>>24718847
>Kill her then fuck the corpse
To be continued then in tomorrow's installment of AUTISM QUEST.
>>24718832
kill her
blox
>>24718857
sheeeeeeeeeeeit
gud thread op, see you tomorrow
>>24718857
see you thanks for the thread
I'm willing to pick up the CYOA from here if you guys are down to play, got a bunch of free time
>>24718961
Are you as good at writing as OP?
>>24718986
I would say so, but that's for you guys to decide.
>>24718961
ok but start a new story OP will continue tomorrow
>>24719004
go for it then
>>24719020
and also do this
I for one approve of our autistic CYOA threads
