Alright R9k. Strap yourselves in because it s story time. My robot and cyborg friends said I should post my life story on here. There s a lot of details here that I left out of the original that I told them. It s probably not as bad as a lot of the shit on here, but I feel like it s a story worth telling and it s generally a miserable and hopeless journey that becomes worse the longer it goes. It s a long one about giving up on life, so pack your fucking bags I m going to try my best to take you on my trip through feelsville.
>at a young age diagnosed with autism
>very blatantly clear, completely dysfunctional. Problem child
>as a good explanation I didn t see people as people. It s hard to explain
>I just saw them as objects or puzzles to work in the best way or to the best way I wanted them too
>primary school
>bullied every day. Starts small, grade one and two just sort of social isolation. Wasn t too bothered though, didn t understand what they needed in order to work . Still in this robo-logic state.
>by grade 3 the physical violence starts. Biting, cutting with scissors, etc.
>parents are starting up a company together in electrical engineering. From this point on they are not home until late in the evening, have to learn to cook and fend for myself
>every week these six fuckers come and paint my privates with vegemite
>doesn t sound too bad but the stuff itches and stinks like hell
>public school cares not because they don t see half the shit that goes on and they just account the cuts and bruises to the playfighting that goes on
>even though literally all I did at lunchtimes was walk along the line of the playing field and follow the paint, staring at the ground
>finally it all starts to stack up
>start to become depressed. Don t understand why what I m doing doesn t work as it s based on logic from my point of view.
>no one to help or support me
This jsut for context. Gets worse as goes on. Cont?
This is A tier autism right here OP. Cont that shit
I never understood autism. What is happening in your brain? You said you see normal people as objects, do you mean like in a videogame, npcs with preset dialogues, just dumb animals? What happens when you just NEED to touch something to continue walking? What do you think about, daydreaming or some usefull information?
Contd. Part 2.
>one time I went to the counsellor he asked me if I sniffed glue and all this bullshit
>about grade 6 starts to kick in that people are more than just challenges for me to fix and that I m not the only thinking person in the world
>family business gets fucked by the ceo dad hired to manage the company into his retirement
>$2,000,000 in debt after liquidation
>I m self-harming badly at this point and pretty depressed. Don t understand why nothing works for me and don t understand my existence after my entire world got redpilled
> gtfo primary school
>start hs
>figure out fully that people are really individual and unique but all have an inherent set of values that can be toyed with. Sort of half and half with what I used to be.
>don t have a personality. Just pretended to be what the person(s) talking to me would like and branched from there.
>get first proper friends
>really big funny guy overweight dude
>qt sperg. Strawberry blonde, 5ft7 or 8 with cute freckles and glasses. Attractive.
>try and get me into anime and all that stuff
>not at all interested but still join in because this is the best relationship I ve ever hard
>funny guy, we ll call him Big E, comes to me and says You know T has feelings for you right.
>what
>she really likes you, you should ask her out
>fucking terribly depressed still, don t know why though, can t seem to put my finger on one reason. Grades start to be affected. Don t know what I m going to do in life.
>I agree to ask her out, she says yes v excited
>dad tries to kill himself the day before we go out together. Still haven t seen much of parents since dealing with financial stuff and personal issues within the marriage. Dad s become a bit of an alcoholic and Mum was always a little nuts.
>go to the movies together
>she notices I m more reserved than usual
>she s wearing some really gorgeous clothes, and she s really trying to engage me
Let me know when you want more.
how do apostrophes and quotations?
ok im reading. if the story goes on, cont. lemme just read through first
>even a literal autist had a girl like him
>>29929210
I don't know how to describe it, but as a child I just saw people similar to computers. I had to figure out how to turn them on, what the inputs were and how to make them work for me.
As for touch, it's skin on skin. I should have specified.
I questioned myself, I questioned how I worked and how the people around me worked. I read factual books in the library and pondered their contents.
A good way to describe it is that I thought I was the protagonist in my own story, and that I was meant to win.
ok cont. anon
>we have so much in common, anon, isn t it great? It s like we were meant for each other. T
>and I m just sitting there feeling guilty as fuck because I ve basically been lying to her the whole time about who I am. She could be with someone who legitimately cares about her and loves her, but here I was just manipulating her.
>don t get me wrong I liked her, just not too much. I think a soft crush would be the best way to put it
>still smile and go on with it. Nothing at all s wrong
>forgot to mention that most notable of my autistic traits was physical contact. I fucking couldn t deal with physical contact. I used to cringe from all but my mother s touch as a child and often curled up in a foetal position vomiting into the later years of childhood.
>at the end she tries to hug me, and I flinch the fuck away. I feel like if I hit the glass door on the way out of the shopping centre any harder I would have broken with it.
>she blames herself, doesn t understand, feels really bad, and apologises for not asking what I was comfortable with.
>I feel terrible, I m shaking all over, but for once I feel like someone accepts me.
>relationship with T grows better and better
>Big E fucks off. Knew he sort of liked T, and he reasons that he wanted to leave us be.
>still feel like every day and everything is a chore. Diagnosed with mdd, acute anxiety and add.
>t finds out about a lot of stuff. You couldn t really tell back then what was going on, not like you can with me know.
> super supportive, super loving, comforting, tries to help in any way she thinks she can
>doesn t understand that not much really helps, and when stuff doesn t work she gets upset and blames herself which makes me feel super guilty
>why am I like this
>she s sacrificing so much for me. But she really wants a more intimate physical relationship. We try to figure out ways to get me more used to it through exposure and stuff like that but it just ends up me getting stressed out.
why the fuck would T put so much effort into you? I just don't get it anon. Why would she do so much for a robot?
>>29929529
Riddles me to this day, anon. I think because we were so alike, and she'd never really had anyone to care for her either. Believe me, there's a worse case of this ahead. I guess the main thing that kept us together is that we were such good friends, we were always doing stuff together, always going out or talking about stuff we were both interested in.
>>29929322
>is liked by a girl in high school
Well, sorry, I can't relate to your story bud and I find it offensive.
pt3
>nearly 12 months pass with little to no improvement. I m trying so hard to get better but I don t know what is making me sick. It s like whenever I go to look the clouds just roll out the blatantly obvious thing that s making me depressed
>T is at the end of her rope with me
>she tries so hard but I m non-functional
>the only thing she does that makes it better is when she just rests her head on my shoulder, breathing into my neck and tells me it s going to be okay.
>one time when she s doing this to help calm me down she adds
>I love you.
>my entire body freezes. I jolt. I turn to stone. Every muscle in my body is tensed and ready to jump away from anything that comes to me.
>I don t say anything.
>she sighs, and stands up. We don t say anything to each other and she leaves. I see less and less of her over the following four months.
>Christmas, 4 months later
>dad tries to kill himself a second time
>feelsbadman.
>T as usual is there to help and support me. Seems tired. Seems noninterested. Doesn t hug me for as long. Doesn t look me in the eyes or smile when she meets me.
>takes me into an empty room in the hospital.
> anon. we need to talk. I can t do this anymore. I understand you re sick. I know you re going through a lot right now, and struggle with a lot of stuff. But I can t do this anymore. I can t be with you anymore.
>she takes in a deep breath, and blows it out through pursed lips.
I ve been seeing E behind your back for nearly a year and a half. There s no easy way to say it. But I just didn t get what I needed from you.
>I already felt numb for a while, but this felt like a drop of ice that ran down the back of my spine and neck.
>I really, really almost believed I was in love with this girl. I had never had anyone so close to me, so accepting, so caring, so willing to help. And now I look back I probably did love her, it just got drowned out in all the misery and sadness.
>I wasn t what she needed.
Cont?
>>29929398
That seems like rational thinking if nothing else.
>>29929695
continue. You write this like you're only on the recieving end of your life. what was your reaction to this? what did you say?
>and a week later I found myself in the same ward as my dad, just four doors across after dragging a kitchen knife down my arm. I panicked so much after making the first cut and passed out from hyperventilation. Still was a really lethal cut. Put me in hospital for a few months.
>and that s how I got my first time in adolescent mental care
>back to school, nearly 9 months later. People sort of understand that something really bad happened and are super nice to me.
>note, dates and times are a little imprecise for me here. A lot of this shit is blocked out or just straight up hard to remember.
>finally meet some likeminded people. Group of spergs who invite me to play D&D with them.
>was super sceptical, but turns out being super fun. The dude whose place we go to is super rich too, pool and everything, giant tv with an xbox and all this cool modern shit. Always a blast to go there. Sort of helps ease my pain a little having friends again for once.
>even with T I was still super lonely, as I really had her and only her. She was my best friend but she was also my only friend.
>rich dude (who we ll call S) had a sister who I always got a long with. She was a few years older than me, seemed super cool, into games and stuff, joined in with us occasionally. 7.5, sort of dark brown hair that looked a little red in the sunlight, shoulder length, 5ft 9, always wore this black skirt or dress. She always asked me how I was, how I was doing. She talked to me about stuff late at night and I occasionally confided in her when I was on enough meds that I didn t care.
> walking home from hs, when someone toots their horn at me
>It s S s sister, who we ll name N.
> Hey Anon! Get in! says N.
>never done anything like this before.
>get in anyway
let me know when need more
>>29929841
cmon op we need more
ok cont.
>>29929841
Cont bro, I wanna know more. Come on dude.
> How are you?
> I m okay. That s pretty normal, I guess.
> It s okay not to be okay. You don t have to lie to me anon. I can look after you, don t worry.
>and that just reminded me of T. And everything just snapped and I broke down in her car. She pulled over the car. I m sort of just violently shaking, with the occasional tear.
>I lost the ability to cry long ago. It s something I still can t do to this day and I hate it, because I can never express how I feel in a visible way that people will understand. I ve been able to cry once in the past 7 months.
>she just leaned over and held me, the first time anyone apart from my mother had been able to hold me. And when I stopped, she looked at me and gave me the most genuine smile I d ever seen.
> don t worry, anon. we ll find somewhere nice, just for us.
>it s pretty late now with it being July. The sun is setting already.
>we get out of the car at this park and just lay on a hill in front of the setting sun. she lays out a picnic blanket and we lay on that.
> anon
>I used to love how she used to always say my name. it felt so direct, like I was the person she was talking to. It made me feel like I was rooted.
> what?
>and when I looked at her she just leaned over and kissed me. We were already close to each other on the blanket, close enough that I could feel the warmth of her skin. She clutched my arm, pulling me closer to her. I didn t know what to do. I was so shocked and surprised.
>my body is just sort of limp and she takes the lead fully, sitting us a bit more up, moving me up the hill a bit more. She takes my free hand and presses it to her face, and then her breast.
>my face is glowing. I m so embarrassed. I don t know what to do.
>>29929973
okay you've gotta be kidding me. Is that what really happened?
>eventually she stops, and we just sit there. I m staring at her. For a while she meets my gaze, but instead looks at the sun.
> Why? I ask.
>she looks at me and smiles again. The same genuine smile. Because, Anon, too many bad things happen to the good people in this world. And if I can change some of the bad times into good times, then I feel like I ve made the change in somebody s world, like somebody changed mine.
>she throws up her arms in the air and laughs, letting herself flop back onto the grass.
> It feels good, doesn t it, Anon?
> I think so, N. I think so.
> We should do it again sometime then.
>and that was how I came to date my friend s sister.
>I mean, I wasn t v attractive. Maybe a 6, or a 7 on a good day. I had shared interests, a proper moral compass, good intentions, I cared about too many people and I had a wild imagination that she altogether loved.
>she very clearly, from almost the 4th or 5th date, was interested in taking things to the bedroom. She d tease me, during cuddles or rests in movies she d stroke her hand across the crotch of my pants, or run a finger under the waistband before letting it snap back down. Nibbling my ear, pulling her panties tight in front of me, or bending over, that sort of stuff.
>I think it excited her, the reactions I gave her. The panicked breathing, quick and fast. Honestly I was okay with sex. I had fantasies of it, but when anything even vaguely went in that direction there was the giant barrier of my issue with physical contact.
>It was an unwilling response, like an electric shock. It just happened. It was like telling yourself not to put your hand on a hot stove. My brain was just wired to it.
>I wanted to make her happy. I wanted it so much after everything she gave me. But it was a barrier I couldn t seem to overcome.
>our relationship was clearly going well; she was just disappointed with the lack of sex. She was older than me, so I put it down to that. Whenever I tried to explain that I did want it, that it was nothing to do with her, she took it as me being in the mood and pushed me for it, only for it to end in me shaking and hyperventilating, and her confused.
>someone asked how this happened, and I don t know. I think I just compensated in other ways, and it somehow managed to be enough. I don t understand either. I think I just put in all I could give her, and she saw that, and appreciated that. You think I understand people? This is r9k. I gave her stuff she wanted on a small level, but that's the next part of the story.
>>29929477
RIP Big E the legend, he will live on in our hearts
>>29930019
stfu faggot. just liste n
I'm pretty tired. Gonna start cutting details, at least from this part of the story. She was probably the best girl to fucking even look at me.
>School year ends.
>She plans a weekend away with just the two of us. Was meant to be for her family, but then her dad had to go on a business trip.
>and my dad tries to kill himself again
>we go away just the two of us and she makes it very clear that she wants something to happen or this is all over
>Come back from shops and she's waiting for me.
>Brings me close to her and gets me to finger her
>jerks me off and sucks me a little, i can't come, i'm too fucking panicked and scared.
>she doesn't come ever but she seems lit up about the fact that we actually did stuff
>Things don't really escalate beyond that. She sort of realises what she's doing to me, and she calls it quits when my shaking gets worse. Nothing else happens.
>She's moving away to Uni, she just finished grade 12. Uni is hours away.
>Now, here's where I fucked up. I accept all blame here you. I must have missed the point where she dropped the "we're not doing this anymore because I don't want to do long term" or she never said it. I honestly never remember her saying it, and the way our relationship went I thought we were still doing stuff.
>Because even though we still talked regularly, and tried to play games together and stuff still, when I bussed all the way there on fucking valentines day to her term address she was with a chad.
>fucking comes to the door in a towel.
>"What the fuck are you doing here, Anon?"
>Chad comes to the door. Pulling the tough "Is this guy bothering you?" bullshit.
>Basically shoves me and I fall down the stairs.
Cont?
>>29930301
yup, there's at least 2 other people who want to hear the end of this
>>29930301
cont cont cont cont cont cont
super originato
You are incredibly luck to have had these experiences. Normally, no one gives a shit and they certainly don't try to nurture you and take care of you and fuck you. Many people never have anything like the relationship you had with S or her sister.
cmon anon
Enter an hero attempt #2.
Same method, took a whole bunch of my meds to calm me the fuck down. I honestly don't know why I failed. I should have done it in a ditch or something where I couldn't be found, but I hated the idea of my family finding me fish nibbled and rotting in two months time. I looked for a long while how to do it properly.
>anway. Most of the rest of same old. Hospital, meds, etc.
>grade 12.
>Used to be doing the aptly named 'suicide six'. Chemistry, Bio, Physics, Maths B, Maths C and computing.
>Forced to drop those after last attempt.
>end up having to do drama, ITS, bullshit subjects, etc. Ez passes all round basically.
>Drama trip
>Somehow end up talking to Big E. I don't hate him. I honestly thing T is so much better with him than me.
fuck i hate myself
>He shouts to someone who he sees in the crowd.
>Enter M.
>M is 5ft 9, Black hair, black dress at the time. A bandage is on her arm and we'll get back to that later.
>I look her in the eyes and I just fucking know.
>I can see through the facade because it's the same one I wear
>Though she grins and laughs and talks in a cheery tone to E and T I see it within a fucking minute.
i know your pain. finally someone else.
>"Who's this?"
>"Oh this is anon. Anon, meet, M."
>we hit it off so fucking well. I mean she's into super sort of mainstream nerd stuff, but we seem to talk really easily together. Which is something I can't do with anyone.
>Then there's a break in the conversation.
>And we just stare into each others' eyes.
>And we both know that the other knows.
>She gives me the smallest smile, and joins her class as they head in to take their seats.
>Big E gives me her number.
>Text nonstop for 4 weeks.
>fukdis I look for her at school
>I am filled with fucking energy
>I don't know what it was, there was something I just liked about her. The way she laughed, the way she smiled.
>How she lived the lie or how we actually seemed to get on naturally.
>I was not faking it with her.
>>29930501
ikr, i would trade lives with this guy
>I end up meeting her at school.
>We become best friends
>we talk about everything bar the thing we know we don't want to talk about.
>I become obsessed with her.
>Infatuated with her.
>I get up every morning to become better just for her.
>I'm topping 2 of my classes and the others are in at least the top 10.
>I'm trying to get /fit/
>Working on confidence
>"We should go somewhere together. Like a park, or the movies, whatever you wanted. We could just sit and eat and talk and get away from it all." I say to Michelle.
>She seems surprised, a flicker in the strong flame of her guise. But she accepts.
>Day before, she cancels.
Some lie about her Mum not letting her go/
>I know it's bullshit but I don't call her out on it. She knows I know. I want to respect her feelings like I'd been respected. If she wasn't ready for that yet, I was okay with it.
Sorry for slow typing, literally 8 am here been up all night and I'm fucked on meds. Going as fast as I can.
>>29930522
Do you just live in nerd girl city or some shit? like jesus
Gee Anon, you must be either extremely good looking or not be as autistic as you think. You probably got farther with the girls than 90% of the people on this board.
Still happy for you tho
>>29930606
yeah
how is it that this guy meets so many nerdy grills
AND they become his gfs
AND they care about him in any way
if it weren't for autism, this guy would be a chad
>>29930633
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
original marines
>>29930736
kys fajjit
>somehow my mum gets in contact with her mum and she organises lunch or something together.
>Definitely the best day of my life.
>We played TWD and SR3 for like 3 straight hours.
>We had the most fucking amazing lunch. M had made a cottage out of biscuits. So cool. I hate the fact that I never complimented her on any of that.
>M's Mum is dying of cancer. Literally can't stand up without moaning horribly. Romanian accent is so thick, but she clearly has taken to me. My Mum has S3 Bowel cancer, but at least she can move. They get on through that.
>When we're done playing games and lunch we read fiction and erotica and stuff in stupid voices. Doing erotic scenes with the voices of Batman and Joker was definitely one of my fondest memories.
>It's getting late, dark outside.
>Dinner time
>"Do you want to stay the night?" - M
> Ummmmmmm
whatahwhathwahjthjksakhj
Reverse Brain. Back up. What? What does she mean by that? What does she want? She doesn't want to go on a date but she'll do this? IS that even what she means by this?
>so fucking confused, but agree. M's Mum seems so pleased that I'm staying and gets us to put two mattresses from upstairs together on the floor, beside each other.
isthishappeningwhatdoesthismean
>She's a horror film buff like me. We watch some good stuff and some pretty shit stuff. But it's a good time while we're there.
I reach out and take her hand. A few minutes later she moves it to change the volume on the TV.
>whatdoido
>what does she want
>about an hour later her Mum, this fucking 55 year old woman dying of terminal cancer, gets up, goes upstairs, and puts a box of condoms on the table, before going BACK up the stairs.
kill me
>Now I can't make a move because she'll think I'm moving towards sex
>but want to make a move because fuck when's a better opportunity?
I don't make a move.
Yes, I can hear you screaming from AUS. Our net may be shit, but sound carries well over water.
>>29930785
Dont worry OP. i wouldnt know what to do either and i dont even have autism.
Confront her
>What was up with last weekend?
>What do you mean? - M
>Was it just friend stuff or... What do you want?
>Oh, haha, yeah, it was just friend stuff.
Oh.
Oh.
Okay.
>Play it cool
We don't talk for two weeks. I don't seek her and she doesn't seek me.
>When we get back together things are pretty slow, but I definitely don't push anything further. I like her too much to risk ruining the great friendship we have.
>Long story short after a few more months of dealing with this, I break
>I tell her how I feel
>and boy was I not ready for the fucking response
>she ran off and then sent me this
Image attatched.
>>29930785
how is this a depressing story? you sound very lucky to me
>>29930912
I sound like a normie saying this but, shouldn't you just talk to her directly and stop being a bitch? like just explain to her what's going on and about your perspective and talk it out. say you know what she's going through and shit. I may be a robot, but I'm not that autistic
>>29930939
I was about to say, why is she a robot if she's a girl. shes lowkey tumblrina.
>>29930939
run
bloxlboxlbox
>>29930966
Im not a robot either mate, but its just so fucking hard to express my feelings and be intimate with people. Intimacy is scary. A tiny little bit like OP. Only did it with a distant cousin when i was young. We had it all... now i dunno if she has bf. He fb says shes single. Should i txt her?
>>29931045
no.
you know it won't work. you know you have your issues. there's absolutely no point in further destroying your status quo.
>>29931045
bait detected,~
>we talk one last time before I graduate.
>basically she says "I'm sorry to let you down like this."
>we remain friends on fb
>I never message her though.
>Memory hurts too much.
I won't really talk about why I liked M. Because the reasons were so petty and unique that it'd be hard for anyone else to understand.
>that and I still don't know what to this day draws me to her.
An hero #3. I come home from the formal, make a fancy dinner, lay the table for two, put my note at the other and try to OD on meds.
>Don't try this at home kids
>waking up from that was worse than my last two attempts
>fucking tubes EVERYWHERE.
That was this Christmas, or around that time.
>I head off to Uni, a uni far away to get the hell away from all the bullshit at home and away from the memory of her.
>surprise surprise, if you have the plague, it follows you
>I still miss her.
>Try to get into college life. Super spergy and fucked up after last attempt.
>Perspective is skewed. But try to fit in. Find a group of robots who introduce me to 4chan etc and we do D&D and stuff together.
>Definitely an upturn in my life
>But I'm looking for something to fill the hole left by my M
>I desperately am trying to find a girl
>two options
>Blonde, out of my league girl who does computing. Super reserved, but she seems to not mind me.
>Super extroverted, cutesy theatre student. Pretty close with the latter already.
>I prefer the older blonde, but when I come back she's gotten with a mate of mine, and I wasn't too attached so I leave it be. Hurts but I'm okay about it. The guy's a good guy.
>Okay, plan B.
>Well just do what you did before with T and N.
>It doesn't work.
>My luck has run out.
>She just doesn't see me that way.
But I fucking need something to heal this fucking hole in my heart. I think about her every day.
>I get a message from M.
>Asks when I'm back in city, if we want to hang out together.
>fuck yes (internally)
>We organise something.
>longest wait of my life.
>>29931062
Thanks man. You are completely right. I just sometimes forget that by texting only thing i would do is shatter the only good memory i have with a girl.
But she was madly in love with me... i loved her so much i felt fire whenever i saw her... i just need that feel back. I just need it...
If i could grab her and ran off to the woods and live there all my life with her and no one else...
God exists and he's a douchebag
>>29931144
fuck you for thinking there was a hapy ending to your life. how autistic are you?
>>29931141
you try to kys three times and you're not forced into a therapy?
you're literally so incompetent you cannot even kill yourself properly, and you still get girls?
what the fuck is wrong with this world
OP is so fuckin stupid. he's fallen for this twice, and then he got on the reciving end of autism
>>29931225
Let him continue
(i guess some chicks dig the depressive guys bc of the 'i can fix him' mentality)
can i screencap this op?
>She shows up
>we greet each other like nothing's changed
Everythng's changed you dumb fuck.
>Don't try to do anything. We just talk and chat. And there are long, awkward silences.
>We're walking around a lot and she gets tired.
>Asks for us to sit down.
>We just sit in silence for ages.
>"Is this okay for you?"- M
>"For me? Yeah, it's fine."
> I can't lie to those eyes.
>"No, Michelle. This is ripping me apart on the inside."
>She turns to me and says "I'm dying."
I don't know what to say
>And then we sit in silence
Later she tells me it's something to do with her PG, and that she needs hormone treatments or she'll be unable to walk in 6 months. She'll need a wheelchair til' then.
I try to help and support her through it. Things have never been better. Then I get this. (Image attached)
>after that she blocks me from everything.
Butwhatdididowrong.
>All I ever did was try and help and support her.
>Of all the people in her life, I was the one person who understood.
>Why did she cut me out?
>Why?
It drives me fucking insane.
>Alright back to TA (Theatre student)
>still no luck
>I finally go to my mates from help. The least spergy of the bunch, a theatre student with a fulltime job doing his masters at the same time, a gf, he's renting a house too.
>Gives me a book to read to help me get what I want from people, and advises my every move with TA.
>I legit don't do anything without asking him
>and it fucking works
>I get some pushback
>One night it's going well.
>College is pretty social, and we end up going on a maccas run
>pretty late so everyone goes to bed after that
> all but TA and I are left.
>She seems more flirty and cuddly than normal.
>"I'm going to watch some movies before nodding off. Want to join me?"
>"Sure."
>finally
>Go into room
>place is about 5x4 max. College is pre cheap living though.
>Dead space is still loaded up on pc
>She comes in and sees me fiddling with the game, thinks I'm playing games, and is like "Oh, well you have fun."
>>29930522
>>I look her in the eyes and I just fucking know.
>>I can see through the facade because it's the same one I wear
>>Though she grins and laughs and talks in a cheery tone to E and T I see it within a fucking minute.
Reminds me of the girl I fell in love with. She had just come back from a suicide attempt I think but no one ever talked about it. I was the only one who seemed to realize that she had this shell around her that was just a completely empty facade. I became totally infatuated with her and I felt truly alive for the first time in my life when I was with her.
Oh well, she cheated on me, cut contact with me and I never heard from her again. She's dead now. One of the attempts finally took.
>>29931409
what book mate
>>29931225
Life is a bad meme
>>29931557
no this is a bad meme
>>29931583
No you're a bad meme
>>29931409
>>All I ever did was try and help and support her.
>>Of all the people in her life, I was the one person who understood.
>>Why did she cut me out?
>>Why?
>It drives me fucking insane.
She probably has abandonment issues. She certainly has super low self esteem. For people like that, the more real the connection is, the more terrifying it is for them because they are afraid of the pain that comes from being rejected/abandoned so they run away from intimacy. She probably felt that you were going to turn on her eventually once you learned more about her, so deep rooted were her self esteem issues.
Really all this proves is that you actually meant something to her.
Fucked again.
>God damnit dead space
>Not only do you ruin my nerves but you ruin my chance at a decent intimate relationship.
>This girl played D&D softcore but that was about the extent of her nerdiness.
And that is the height of that relationship.
>Other incidents that occur
>She gets super drunk and gets hit on by fucking all the chads at the agenda night
>one even kisses her
>Fucking so angry. These guys literally talked about her as points. This person I really quite liked and cared about a lot was being treated as a fucking number.
>J, the masters student, fucking saves my life twice in 2 weeks.
>I know if I try again I won't fail.
>Sort of scary but sort of a relief.
>J has literally given me more personal development and fucking brilliant life advice in a few months than I have gotten from my entire life in 18 years.
>J deserves a fucking medal. I didn't give much in the friendship apart from D&D but he fucking worked his ass off even with a thesis and a full time job to help me out.
>I can never repay him.
>and he acts like it's nothing
>Anway. Damage is controlled. TA and I are back on okay terms.
>but no development
>she gets drunk
>afuckingagain (lightweight, 60kg)
> Gets super cosy with this dude she's met twice.
>He's a nice guy but he clearly doesn't know her and she doesn't know him
>Just over it.
>She legit knows I care about her.
>Sure, not to the extent, but she knows what i'd do for her.
>Go to her "You know I like you."
> "Yeah."
>"And from what I gathered, you don't feel the same way about me."
>"Yeah."
>"And that's okay. Because I'm me and you're you."
>"Yeah. Are you alright? Is this okay?"
>I smile. "Yeah. It's fine. I'm fine. Sleep well."
>Drop into a depressive state for 9 weeks. Don't leave my room apart from bathroom and eating toast. Don't go to classes.
>Naturally I failed everything.
Academic waive though because the hospital knows what's up and the care team here are on point
>still feels like shit
>>29929379
what have I done to deserve this fate? I'm not nearly as autistic as him. GOD IF YOU EXIST, WHY HAVE THOU FORSAKEN ME!?
>>29931609
ik and feels good
>>29931620
just write a fuckin book man
>>29929477
You had a fucking gf. My story is that I've never even been close to having one. You don't know what real pain feels like. You don't know how it feels like to be comepletely rejected by the opposite sex. Get the fuck off my board.
>>29931621
Chicks dig broken guys so they can fix them
Jk im autismo
>>29931621
Your mistake is thinking that there is a God and that good or bad things in life are doled out based on merit.
Existence just is. It's not fair, it just is what it is.
>>29931744
pretty much this
i'm done with this thread.
OP, whatever you cry about you deserve it.
>>29931744
Lift. Get confidence. Drop thee V card to a prostitute. Get more confidence and relaxed about sex. Get grills.
Jk im Gizmo Boi w Autizmo
now for some sick ass context.
Let's talk about A, and honestly even though I know he's reading this idc.
If you're reading this, fuck you. I did so much for you, and it meant nothing to you.
>A had a pretty toxic relationship. Not in like arguments and stuff, though there was that like with every relationship.
>But they were long distance
>And they compensated for a lack of personal time with lots of fuckign and getting drunk
>I tried to help A out of this, tried to reason him through and help him think clearly.
>Along this time he mentions to me that him and his gf are trying to get a 2nd girl in to spice up the relationship.
>"Mate if you need a threesome to fix your relationship then I'm sorry to say but it's fucked."
>"Wait, who is this person?"
>"No one you know." - A
>"Yeah? What've you done with them?"
>"Just some nipple play. Working on it."
>Basically, my general consensus was that A was being held back from real relationships that were more... something.
>And then I find out A cheated on his GF with TA as soon as he found out I stopped playing.
>He gave her some money and then wouldn't speak to her leaving the rest of his friend group to deal with her.
>His gf is literally shattered over it and can't understand why he left
>She'd do anything to get him back
>He bought TA flowers and kissed her and told her he liked that was it.
And you know why that fucking hurts? Because that was what I was oging to do.
>I don't know. I hate to say it but I felt superior to A. He was selfish and compulsive, but worst of all he didn't recognise it or work to change it. He has a bad lifestyle, and is pretty overweight. But it's not a point tally. I'm not going to list all his flaws, because for every one of his I raise it just raises my own. Basically the guy's biggest trait is that he's funny and genuine with what he's thinking.
>HE didn't live to improve himself like I did.
>And then I find out they're basically already fucking.
He doesn't even like her much.
Oh, and that threesome? That stuff? That was with her, appa
I don't know. I expected more from a friend who knew how much this would hurt me. I was close enough to trust this guy with my knives so that I wouldn't self harm or kill myself with them. And right now I pretend to put up with him. But more than anything I want to scream at him. I want to yell grow some fucking humanity. Where is your sense of value and morality.
I just know he's going to hurt her and ruin her, because that's what impulsive and selfish people do. They contaminate.
I was going to try again. I was going to better myself and try again.
This is a hard topic for me, atm. This is very recent and still working through this shit.
Anyway. That brings you guys up to date. My luck ran out.
I guess this is my welcome to the robot army.
Thanks for listening through this all. It's good to get it out.
he lied to my face.
he doesn't even like her, not nearly to the extent of what I do
So basically he's just going to use her and lose her like he did with his last gf
And that makes me sad because she's a good person
I just hope she realises what a mistake she's makiing
Goodnight, r9k. God bless.
Literally all I did during high school and currently in uni is sit in my room and play vidya, work out and study.
Fuck you and your TV show-tier life OP, you ain't no robot.
>>29930939
Can I just clarify that I told her how I felt in person and then asked her how she was and if everything was okay via text. I didn't tell her how I feel via text.
Wow OP you had it easy tbqh :///
>>29931948
Good night, anon. Sleep well. And remember. You've gone through so much shit you're unbreakable. You're tough as something pretty fucking tough.
So you got female attention with your attentionwhoring "suicide attempts" and being a selfish bitch in general and now that you don't get your way with 1 girl, you're suddenly a robot.
Jesus, what a waste of time this was
>>29931968
Journey TO robothood.
>>29931968
Same, desu brethten
>>29928980
>friends
>generic pepe
I have a feeling i'll regret reading this
>>29931948
wow reading this was absolutely a fucking waste of my time
>>29931349
Do what you want. I couldn't stop you.
>>29932095
>>29932098
OP i like you, but these guys are kind of right
>>29929398
anon this is just common sense
it took me 20 years to figure this shit out and you knew it as a child come on
>My robot and cyborg friends
I WISH I had been smart enough to stop reading right there.
Can you just neck yourself and not fuck it up this time you attention whoring faggot if you were ever serious you'd choke yourself. Holy shit you can't even od right you and your shit friends need to drive into a wall.
Just fuck you. You do not belong here. Go away, man, you will not find anything here but righteous contempt.
Most people have had a tenth of the chances life gave you, and you come here to complain, whining you finally became a robot?
Hope you'll find consolation somewhere,but not here.
>>29930939
>I do not understand positive interest in me
>if you view me in a positive light and try to form any kind of bond with me at all chances are that I won't even recognize it, because it's impossible to think about myself positively
nigga that chick is me
I'm sorry this has happened to you. Find something, anything that brings you joy; it's possible. I wish you luck In life, op.
