>tfw 19 years old >Feel like I've wasted my entire

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Anonymous
2016-07-12 02:04:49 Post No. 29890192
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 02:04:49 Post No. 29890192 [Report]

>tfw 19 years old
>Feel like I've wasted my entire adolescence
>Feel like there's nothing good in the world
>If anything happens to my mother I might kill myself
>Could only connect with 2 people in highschool, and they stopped talking to me after we graduated
>That's 2 in 4000
>Have a strong lurking feeling that everyone is devoid of free will
>Wonder what the rest of my life will be like
>Keep taking aspie test and getting told I'm a sperg
>Today I tried to dig 5 20 inch fence post holes for my dad, and I spent 4 hours doing it
>All I had to do was loosen the soil as I dug
>Think I might be stupid
>Did great in school, but I'm struggling in every single aspect of the real world
>Have IQ of 124, but it really doesn't feel like it means anything at all

I'm starting to believe I'm destined to become a door installer like my father. I dislike the total isolation from people, but I know I'd have a hard time in a social work place since I sometimes can't understand people when they speak to me.

Is anybody else the same?

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 02:08:45 Post No.29890257
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>>29890192
Yep.

>19 years old
>IQ of 130 but dumb
>Wasted my prime years, fought with teachers and other students, isolated myself to just one friend
>Even my only real gf ran away because of my toxic behaviour
>Think I might just become a baker like my father

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 02:10:07 Post No.29890289
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 02:10:07 Post No.29890289 [Report]

>>29890192
>everyone is devoid of free will
the reason I'm speaking english is because that's how they taught me to make words. Everything I do is learned behavior. My mother created my body and my mind and now its what I am and I don't know what to do at all. I'm scared

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 02:16:30 Post No.29890408
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 02:16:30 Post No.29890408 [Report]

>>29890257
OP here

I isolated myself, but that was because I was starting to have less and less in common with my peers. I saw them as greater than me, and I left them.

I don't regret it. I couldn't handle being in the same room as people I grew up around towards the end. I disliked their snide smiles when they saw how awkward I was. I dropped out of all the AP classes I was in and enlisted in on level so I could have a good Senior year.

I'm scared I haven't grown at all since then.
I don't think I have. I've only grown better at making the bare minimum of small talk with people older than me.