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Anonymous
2016-07-05 21:15:10 Post No. 29750009
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Anonymous
2016-07-05 21:15:10
Post No. 29750009
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I don't know where else to go with this.
I neither want nor can talk to someone face to face about this, as most people are the ones who feel better about this, not me.
Tell me, how do you deal with grief? Frustratian? Bitterness with yourself?
I'm in the middle of my twenties, stuck in a bachelor for several years now, have severly become unfit (going from 80 kg to 105 kg, high blood pressure, yada, yada), a fucking virgin and all those dreams of turning that around have become utterly useless.
My father died two years ago. He had a shitty life, child abuse and neglect - due to his parents immigrating and leaving him with asshole family part for a year, and stuff.
Long story short: He bit his way through, short time of unemployment, found my mother in the country of origin, who aspired to be a teacher, and got a blue collar work in the chemistry industry where he ate all the shit they flung at him, to keep his family going.
I'm nowhere near that ambitioned or focused. Hell, my greatest dream would have been to turn my life around and make it. He'd been so fucking proud, havin grandchildren and all that stuff.
But he died two years ago ... hurricane, tree going through a house we were in, debris ... you get the picture.
At days like this, when I wonder what could be and how great everything could have gone, I'm infinitely angry that the greatest moments of joy and happiness have been denied to the best person I know ... and I am too much of a faggot to thrive in his memory.
I hate this. I will never ever consider suicide, as there's too many assholes going around who'll burn the fucking ground, my only goal is to leave some shit for something, but for that you need a fucking fuckable not retarded woman. And for that again, you should be fit and have your life together. Guess what? Weed, MDMA, extracurricular work for student represantatives might be feel good stuff - and you get some shit done- but that's only marginal fucking peanuts.
How do you cope?
