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I really fucked up yesterday.

>decide that I'm going to try smoking weed because I'm an incredibly bored neet
>manage to get a hookup from soc
>he actually shows up at the local gas station and sells me a gram and a half of weed for $20
>get excited to smoke it because parents have been gone all day at a funeral
>bike home and run upstairs to my room to smoke (inb4 underage. I'm 20.)
>make a makeshift pipe out of an empty soda can with holes poked in it
>put a little weed on the can and take a hit, getting ready to blow the smoke out the window
>immediately starting coughing violently and drop the burning weed ember on the carpet
>only realize my mistake once I stop coughing
>oh shit. I burned the carpet pretty bad and my room reeks of weed
>I've never smoked weed, so I'm already Confused as fuck
>hear the garage door start to open
>panic and eat the rest of the weed as quickly as possible
>still need to cover up the smell, and we don't own any air fresheners
>biggest mistake of my life inbound
>decide the only way to cover up the smell is to shit my pants in my room on the area of the burnt carpet
>blast liquid feces down my pantleg and onto the carpet
>just stand there and wait
>"hi anon! We skipped the dinner so we could eat here with you tonight. What is that-"
>they see me just standing there with shit still leaking down my leg

My parents forced me to see a psychiatrist after that. I successfully covered up my drug use though.