General wallowing in self hatred thread? I've been thinking about killing myself for years but I can feel it coming up on me for real now. Couldn't see the point in showing up for NEETbux appointments anymore, I want to be homeless so that maybe it will make me feel something. I've hardly been eating at all, drinking a lot, smoking cigarettes, cutting symbols into my thighs, shoulders and stomach, downing a lot of coffee, not sleeping much, taking painkillers every day for no real reason. I keep wandering around outside and sitting in parks and things with my backpack of liquor, probably in the hope someone will come up and talk to me and because I want to feel like one of them. Feeling urges to cut parts of my body off or blind or deafen myself somehow. There's a public pool I can break into at night, I'm saving the last of my money for some hard drugs and I'll float around in there and open up my arms. How do you plan on going out, lads?
>Feeling urges to cut parts of my body off or blind or deafen myself somehow.
You really need to go to the hospital.
Like, now.
i've heard that it's a good idea to firstly heavily dehydrate yourself so as to enter some kind of delirious state. same point as the drugs, except free, and, well, i'm curious exactly which hard drugs you're so sure will help give you the will to die.
i've been dreaming of driving out to some rolly countryside in PA or the catskills/poconos and pick a nice tree to swing from; drugs and exsanguination are a bit too womanly for me. i have access to a firearm also but it's not a shotgun so it's not a sure thing.
nicotine overdose is also up there, would be as savagely painful as i deserve.
>>29604400
you need to fuck off normal
>>29604400
Being declared insane isn't going to help me. I was on anti-depressants for a year and I still have some, all they did was make me restless.
>>29604518
If I could get my hands on a gun I'd just do that, but I mostly just want whatever drugs someone can sell me to shock myself into feeling something beforehand not for my last day, I'd prefer to be fully aware for that.
>>29604713
>Being declared insane isn't going to help me. I was on anti-depressants for a year and I still have some, all they did was make me restless.
It's not about "being declared insane". You are having unhealthy urges to seriously harm yourself and you need help.
Antidepressants often don't work for a lot of people. This isn't just an issue of depression it's an issue of seriously disturbed thought patterns.
You need some help, seriously. I say this with all respect.
>>29604400
>>29604919
Heh, tumblr will never learn.
>>29604374
That probably wont kill you senpai but I wish you the best of luck in dying as fast and painlessly as possible.
>>29604919
I don't think you understand. There's nothing that can be done, I'm not going to change my nature through talking or electric shocks or anything. I think I'm someone who was supposed to die early, not going to war or something while I still had the motivation was a mistake.
>>29604962
It won't kill me? I know where the power is, I'll be in warm water and I plan to just cut from my wrist up to my elbow on each side. Also, what's something to increase my heart rate? Not just for blood flow but I have a bad heart already, I'd like to push it.
>>29605236
Have you tried CBD?
>>29604374
>self hatred
If anything I will choose to commit suicide because I feel the trappings of quotidian life are beneath me. Suicide can be the ultimate act of self-love
>>29605251
Nah, I'll try to get it I suppose, sounds good.
>>29605298
I like that. Quotidian.
>>29604518
I'm from pa. I don't think I want to die but I feel really bad. I'm scared for my future.
>>29604400
Why even say this? A hospital won't take you unless there's an immediate risk you'll actually do it, just having thoughts or urges isn't enough for them to dedicate a bed in a ward to you.
And if he's on NEETbux (I'm assuming it's disability and not just unemployment), he's already seeing a doctor regularly.
I've set up a date to do it. It's been worse than ever. I'm fresh out of high school and any friend I had left back stabbed me. At this point I'm killing myself to spite them.
>>29608028
>killing yourself to get back at others
Probably the stupidest reason to do that mate. I doubt you'll follow through, it's a lot harder to actually inflict the damage you have to to yourself in order to end your life than it is setting a date.
I work in a funeral home and yesterday a family came in because their son had hung himself while they were out at work.
It's made it quite a bit harder to think of hanging myself. Before now, I could just ignore what the aftermath might be, but now I've seen a huge 50 year old man crying like a baby it's made everything a bit too real.
>>29604374
>>29604518
If you want to dehydrate yourself like the other anon recommended, there are a number of drugs that will do that quite effectively. Try fucktons of Benadryl; while it probably isn't the most potent, and it will make you delirious, it will dry you out.
Op it sounds to me that you are almost ready to go
Is this what happens to neets in the end, i can see myself ending up like this
Although not hurting my senses, i need them to listen to electronic music
Gonna jump in front of a train if the singularity doesnt show signs of happening in the next 5 years , yea i know it probably wont
But the idea of my life concluding in such a death seems unthinkable and as though some event has to circumvent my current downward trajectory
>>29608839
Literally just going outside more and moving forward in your life would stop your downward trajectory, which assuming your problems are just NEETdom based, should be doable.
Live with family and study or work until you meet more people so you don't spend every day alone, that helps immeasurably, too.
>not depressed enough to want to kill myself
>get no enjoyment out of anything in life. Everything is extremely boring or lacklustre
What the fuck am I supposed to do about this?
>>29608967
kill yourself anyways, anon.
>>29605236
>>29604374
>suicide by cutting
Don't do this OP. It's easily the least effective method of suicide. The only completely (for the most part) painless and effective suicide is a shotgun. If you don't mind the pain so much then you could try hanging but most people last minute pussy out and free themselves
>>29609019
If only
>>29604374
To my dear anons in this thread: don't do it. Life is a precious thing despite how shit you feel right now. It will change, trust me. I was a NEET for 5 years, mom died of cancer and I lost my granparents as well. I had no friends, no income (I used the money I had saved up, and the money I got from mom and her parents), no self esteem and no gf. Every day felt like the same. Waking up late, depressed and feeling like shit. Then play vidya games and shitpost on 4chan till bed. Thats how my days went for several years. I felt like killing my self almost every day but I couldnt do it because it would devestate my dad so much. So I waited. And waited. One day, however I was so sad, so angry and tired of feeling like shit. And you know what I did? I started changing my life, little by little (I had tried this before without success several times. But this time it felt different somehow). Waking up earlier than before, taking a couple of walks here and there, not sitting on my ass all day staring at a computer. I even began being a little productive. Same year I finally got my driver license and I felt so happy. Such happiness couldnt be obtained through video games anymore, I felt. Right now Im working part time at a job, and Ill finish my education next year.
Its all about the small steps in life, anons. Life is not a race nor a competition. Life is life, and its your life as well. Dont choose suicide, choose happiness. I wrote this because I BELIEVE in you all. I believe in your happiness.
6 months ago I was ready, decided to make one more big attempt to get better for my dad and my best mate who are the people I care about the most. I feel better now but I feel like I built myself on a fragile base that could collapse at any time and I will crash and end up where I was. I was honest with my best mate about what I was doing and that if I failed I intended to kill myself. He made me promise to at least talk to him if I hit that stage again and was ready to die.
I don't know if it will last but I feel better.
>>29609367
I can drive, I had a job but quit, I lift weights or run every day, I haven't played a video game since 2012, I had a gf but broke up with her. I live with my older brother, we have a great relationship. I have 3 good friends, a number of others who I can hang out with. I can go without my computer if I like, it makes very little difference. I still find life torturous.
>Choose happiness
Literally kill yourself you stupid fuck.
>>29609367
All of the things you use as your examples of how things get better can be temporary states. When you're suicidal, or rather, when you are predisposed to misery and disconnection with other people, you are constantly trying to force yourself to change and not sink into despair. You do your walks, wake up earlier, get fit, get a job, but it still feels hollow, or you get anxiety attacks again and have to leave your job and you put on weight. There are a million different things that go wrong and if they go right they don't even feel like much success because you will always be a defective person.
I really, really hope things work out for you and you stay happy. I was where you were for a while but I crashed and didn't recover.
>>29608967
sit down and wait, see what happens.
I'm pretty sure I'll do it eventually. Probably if I'm still a virgin in a few years. But I'm a coward so who knows.
>>29609661
I've been waiting for years now. I want off this ride
>>29604374
dont do it
its not worth walking around for days with a sweaty dirty crotch and anus that you have to shit of in a dirty public bathroom in your dirty sweat soaked socks and boots and grimey pants and tshirt that feels like sandpaper from all the dirt on it rubbing agains the skin on your back and your dirty beard and bad breath.
hygeine is the only think preventing me from going homeless.
>>29609499
Then you are Just a fucking pussy, what exactly is your problem?
>tfw really lazy shitty suicide attempts
>not even cries for attention because nobody knows about them
>I'm just as bad at necking myself as I am at any other facet of life
anyone got the info pic of the strop on the neck?
>>29609367
The thing is, I've changed my life. I've recently cut out toxic people, I'm in the best shape I've ever been, and I've been making an effort to be social and even have reconnected with a few people from before my NEET years.
It still feels wrong. I don't see why I should put so much effort into living for others because they want me to. I hate to sound like an edgy teen, but I do have a choice in the matter. I think I'm going to do psychedelics early one morning, watch the sunrise, then blow my brains out.
