I have nothing to say and have no audacity. I exist just to have insults and accusations thrown at me and then feebly fend them off. Once I fend them off, I have no ability to initiate anything myself so I'm right back on the receiving end and then I just get worn down and submit and sulk and want to be alone.
I am born to be dominated. Fuck this life. I've even internalized all of the various argument tactics that I always succumb to and so they play like a tape in my mind, ruining all activities, even masturbation now.
I don't even want to leave any trace of existence behind, just want to disappear
Sounds like me less than 3 months ago
I'm not even sure how I got myself out of that state
>>24496579
>I don't even want to leave any trace of existence behind, just want to disappear
I know this feel.
>play like a tape in my mind
This also. Do you endlessly run through hypothetical arguments in an attempt to reach a perfect response to defend yourself with? A futile task of seeking a sense of certainty in argumentation, so that your mind can finally be at rest.
Do you feel paralyzed by anxiety when in these situations, your heart races and the tornado in your mind destroys any chance of responding in a way you'd like? Or a way you would in a civil, non-affecting, non-confrontational situation.
>>24497142
Yeah, pretty much. I've read a bunch of transactional analysis books and I read other people's conversations online and get anxious imagining myself in them.
When I imagine myself having sex (fapping to the thoughts), I can only imagine myself being admonished for my desire to have sex. Meanwhile everyone else is permitted to fuck freely and to speak openly about their experiences while taunting me for the absence of any sex in my life. (i even had sex in the past but was always taunted and accused of being a virgin anyways and then if I calmly said no,I'd get accused of being insecure).
I guess this is insecurity, but it doesn't feel like a deficiency, simply the inability to shut off or click "end task" when I begin to ruminate.
>people are so damn stupid and slow
>keep making terrible decisions
>takes years for them to reach an "adequate" level in what took me months to apply and improve on
I fucking hate dull people. It's like they were born to be subjugated. Chinese probably have the right idea, make obedience a culture and the majority of retards will end up mostly functional.
>have to dumb down conversations
>have to be slow
>have to show as little emotion as possible
>people only can act on whatever whims their dick, pussy, or parents want
>people will throw shitfits if you don't comply
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF I JUST WANT TO KILL SO MANY PEOPLE FUCK
>>24496692
I can't remember a time when I was not like this. It's gotten worse. I must have had some time when I was not like this, I just can't imagine the path out.
>>24497282
am
>>24497282
>borderline psychopathic, disorganized
>started getting SICP, "The Games People Play", books on language structure in late teens
>organization improves vastly, compensate for personal deficits
>read conversations and body language
>start cataloging peoples incentives and responses
It helps me do my job tutoring, it got to the point where people would trust my judgement over theirs and actually look to me for guidance. It's not sexually pleasing but it's very close.
>semi-frequently imagine scenarios
>aroused by reactions and responses, internal motivations for them
>can't imagine how normies just walk up and fuck because of how emotionally and intellectually charged I am when I get into something
I've gone through a weird personality change in the last year and I'm now much more comfortable with telling people to go fuck themselves than I ever have been. If someone actually tried to insult me in real life, I'd make them regret it. Not even trying to be edgy, I just can't take shit from people anymore.
>>24497336
If you have a big dick, I'd probably suck it. What else am I good for.
>>24497282
>reads book
>'empty mind'
Fuck off.
If you can read a book, your mind will never be empty.
<I'm sooo depressed, I think I might have to talk to a counsellor soon.
>Try lying in bed 16 hours per day!
>Try cutting yourself a centimetre deep with a utility knife just to feel something!
>Try having been in and out mental hospitals since 15!
<I'm sooo lonely, I totally blew this chat with this girl.
>Try avoiding eye contact with every woman you pass on the street!
>Try having been spat on by dozens of people since primary school!
>Try having only been using self-checkouts for five years!
<I'm sooo stupid, I actually have to study for the tests at my top-tier university.
>I know exactly what you mean.
>Who else /dumb/ here?
>tfw literally retarded
Die, all of you.
I just want to simulate season after season of sports video games, like Madden, NBA 2k16 and PES 16
Daily reminder it will only get worse.
>http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9828995
>>24497336
>dumb down conversations
>>24497336
>terrible decisions
Can you give a couple of examples? I've seen this repeated often by many people.
>>24497460
I read these books years ago. Now I can barely think. I don't read anymore.
>>24497486
>RESULTS:
Subjects with chronic depression showed reduced grey matter density in the left temporal cortex including the hippocampus. There was also a trend for reduction in the right hippocampus. Left hippocampal grey matter density was correlated with measures of verbal memory, supporting the functional significance of the observed magnetic resonance imaging changes.
>>24496579
i have given this advice before.
It's not about roasting them buddy, it's about replying with something funny. If they laugh, they like you. n-nohomo
>>24496579
I do the same thing
I have the ability to be the exact opposite but I just don't give a shit about what the people around me are saying, and a lot of the time I have no way to understand things very well due to derealization/depersonalization
If someone tries some shitty argument tactics on me though or really digs in enough to make me care I'll fucking explode and shit all over the goddamn place and scream like a frog until they realize what they've created, and then i'll beg for the sweet release of death
I don't want to be measured, challenged, observed, perceived, ever.
I want to do things to others but don't want them done to me. I have attempted to prevent having anything done to me by others by not doing anything to or with others. I hoped that by never interacting with others, I'd never commit a transgression and so I'd have a good argument for innocence and nobody would do anything to me. But they still do.
Abstaining from aggression of any sort just results in being passive and an easy target. Now I'm held in contempt for being lazy. I was just trying not to earn disapproval.
I used up all my energy trying not to be disapproved of, suppressing all impulses that might be called pathetic or degenerate or immoral. It's a full time job.
>>24497493
>head like tunnel
>wwwwooooooossssshhhh
who /air-head/ here?
>>24497142
Nothing will be alright, and I'll feel nonplussed about it. How do I get out?
Read Nietzsche, Spengler, Evola and Heidegger
You're welcome faggot
Cut your weight, grow your hair, and be some weird bisexual's sissy boy.
>>24497813
I've read almost all of Nietzsche. Never read the others.
What did "faggot" add to that?
>>24497460
Nice edges you got here f@m
>>24497830
My hair is long now, like a girl
Anybody want to meet up and cuddle and give orgasms to each other? Just nothing but tenderness?
>>24497429
I DON'T. I'M BELOW AVERAGE IN EVERYTHING ELSE BUT MY MIND BUT NOBODY FUCKING CARES ABOUT INTELLIGENCE
>>24497490
You have to speak slower, and use words that are "appropriate" for them. If I can know people for longer periods of time I use more explicit jargon, or just properly describe things.
As per terrible decisions, I know a basketcase who burns his money like it was gas. He gets excited and one day, for example, charged like $1500 because he was with a rich friend. I think he ended up returning a $1000 mattress. My mother's a fucking genius, but when she had insurance she just wouldn't go see doctors about her arthritis, mental illness (go figure), etc.
One of my friends, I hate him, he has his MS debt-free (as in $0, no loans), got in 5.5 years, then went home to become a NEET. Stayed on the same shitty medication for like 7 years, despite knowing he's a total waste.
I wish I lived in the country, I'd just go hang myself now.
>>24497942
What is holding you back from career success?
>>24498033
Still working on my BS m8, I'll have it when I'm 27. Generally speaking I'm in pain all the time, and it gets worse if I do physical labor, which is what all male-available entry market work is.
>>24497486
So the solution is to take a bunch of bdnf and ngf promoting drugs (like noopept and semax) and psychedelics like psilocybin and LSD? Maybe an stimulant too.
OP try this.>>24496579
>>24497348
I mean, I spent most of high school totally isolated bar a few friends, and even with them we would mostly just sit on a bench with our headphones in. Did that through first year of university as well.
Wasn't till the last 6 weeks of university did I actually start to socialise and found a group of friends, it's been looking up since.
People aren't as bad everyone thinks. Do drugs, drink alcohol, push yourself just a bit out of your comfort zone everyday and you'll get there. Sounds cliche and dumb but it worked for me. Good luck anon!
Some days I want to exist only as some non-physical entity, an embodiment of some pure aspect of the human psyche or universal force. My mere existence a confirmation of the absurdity of the universe.
Other days I want to fuck trannies.
