I'm back
[Scene: Jerry is at his new girlfriends house after a date.]
Felicty: I had a great time tonight, Jerry!
Jerry: *Jerry smugly smiles in a joking fashion* Well I do only deliver in greatness...
Felicity: Haha, oh quit it! Say...I'm just gonna go freshen up...I'll meet you in the bedroom in 5 minutes *she smiles and walks away*.
Jerry: *Smirks* Alright, I'll see you there...
[Felicity walks down the hall and into the bathroom. Jerry starts to casually look around her apartment and notices an article on her coffee table. Jerry picks up the papers and starts to read them in his head.]
Jerry: "5 reasons why males are damaging to modern day culture."
[Jerry looks up with an expression of contempt and disgust and talks out loud.]
Jerry: Damaging...!?
[Scene transition to Monk's Cafe. George is seated opposite Jerry. George is struggling with a packet of sugar.]
George: Why do they make these things so hard to open? I've been trying to tear this open for 5 minutes now!
Jerry: Tear? Have you tried a ripping motion *jerry does a ripping motion with his hands* ?
George: *George rolls his eyes* Ripping!? You think I haven't tried to rip!? I started with a rip and ended with a tear!
Jerry: Try rotating it 90 degrees and then ripping it again.
[George follows Jerry's directions and successfully rips the packet open, sending sugar flying all over the table. George throws his hands up in the air, annoyed and defeated.]
George: ...So how did your date go last night? With the journalist?
Jerry: Here's the thing...it was going well at first, we had a nice dinner...
George: Uh huh...
Jerry: And we get back to her apartment and she goes to freshen up...
George: Yeah...?
Jerry: And I found these papers on her table.
George: Papers? *frowns curiously* what kind of papers?
Jerry: She was writing an article on how males are "damaging to our culture."
George: Damaging!?
(Cont.)
Jerry: DAMAGING, GEORGE!
George: How are we damaging? What did the papers say?
Jerry: I couldn't even stand to read the rest of it! I just told her I was sick and had to go home!
George: So what are you gonna do now?
Jerry: *Jerry leans back in his seat* Well dating this woman is simply out of the question now.
George: How are you gonna end it?
Jerry: *Jerry squints* Let's just say... It's going to require a mans touch. *sips on his coffee*.
[Scene transition to Jerry's Apartment. The buzzer sounds.]
Jerry: Yeah?
Elaine: Helllloo!
Jerry: Come on up!.
[Elaine enters.]
Jerry: Hey Laney.
Elaine: Hey Jerr, how was your date with whats-her-name?
Jerry: I'm going to stop seeing her.
Elaine: Stop seeing here!? Why, Jerry!?
Jerry: She's a...
Elaine: A what?
Jerry: She's a femanazi!
[Just at that moment, Kramer bursts through the door and slides in.]
Elaine: A what!?
Jerry: A femanazi, Elaine!!!
Kramer: Ohh, you don't wanna go down that road buddy boy!
Elaine: A femanazi? What's a femanazi!?
Jerry: It's a woman who is a feminist to an extremist degree. You know, with the blue hair and the shrill voices. I can't continue this relationship with her!
Kramer: You're making the right decision, buddy. You know my friend Bob Sacamano once married one of these crazy feminists, and now he's up to his neck in alimony!
Elaine: So what, you're just gonna end it?
Jerry: Yes! In fact I'm going there to do it right now! *Jerry grabs his keys*
Kramer: Hey Jerry, could you grab some ketchup on the way? You're almost out.
[Jerry looks at Kramer with a "did you really just ask that?" look.]
[Scene transitions to Felicity's apartment. The scenario starts to repeat as before.]
Felicity: So let's pick up from where we left off last time...See you in the bedroom in 5 minutes....
Jerry: *With an unenthused voice* Yeah...
(Cont.)
[While she's out of the room, Jerry becomes agitated by her article and leans forward and attempts to rip it in half. He struggles for a moment and then rolls his eyes, and then turns it 90 degrees and rips it successully. Felicity walks back in the room and sees the article torn up.]
Felicity: What did you do!?
Jerry: I'm sorry Felicity! We just can't see each other anymore!
Felicty: Can't see each other anymore? *motions towards the ripped article* why did you rip up my research?
Jerry: ...Research *frowns curiously*?
Felicity: Yes my research! I write for a pro-men column and I was debunking myths propagated by the extreme side of feminism!
Jerry: Research!? Pro-men column!? Debunking!?
Felicity: Yes, you idiot! Did you think I was one of those femanazis?
Jerry: I'm sorry!
Felicity: Get OUT NOW!
Jerry: But I'm a man! You love men!
Felicity: OUT!!!!!!!!!!
[Freeze frame, bass line and roll credits. A scene starts to play during the credits.]
[A paper boy is riding a long throwing newspapers to subscribers. We are presented with a close up of one of the newspapers with a column titled "What changed my opinon on men. A patriarchal nightmare - by Felicity Johnson"]
Skippidy bip bop.
>>29452170
well-deserved bump while I read
Not bad Anon, I like it.
Nice OP keep up the good work
>>29452170
why can't we have more content creation like this? it's all just memers and lazy shitposters like me
>>29452352
Thank you anon, you can see some of my previous work in these images that I have posted to /r9k/
>>29452170
You're doing Jehovahs work, Anon
>>29452201
This is amazing
I need more
>>29452404
"The NEET"
heh, I remember your threads from february/march. You should repost them.
>>29452421
"The Brony"
>>29452504
>>29452419
>>29452393
Pure gold
oreganol commentotato
I feel pretty inspired after reading these.
Gonna take a shot at writing one of those, but with pic related instead.
>>29452749
I look forward to it
/r9k/ needs more sitcom writers
breddy funny stuff m8
>>29452170
7/10. Pretty well written, but I don't think it was true to Jerry's character. Jerry is more of a normie, and probably wouldn't be too concerned with the article until George and or Kramer convinced him that it meant bad news for the relationship.
Did you write this one as well?
>>29452170
Please. Please anon. Write more. Write lots more. And have a Seinfeld saturday. Anyway. Solod 9.9/10
>>29453004
Nah, that wasn't me.
Original
>>29452972
You're right, thanks for the tip
>I'm reading Seinfeld fanfiction at midnight, reading it in the voices and hearing the bass line and laugh track.
It doesn't get any better than this, does it?
Alright just about done, gotta fix up some of it and grab some pictures to post with it.
First time doing a write like this, and I haven't watched the show in a while so criticism is welcome.
[Cold open on the shoe store, empty besides Al]
[Al is using a cotton swab on his ear, and after swabbing looks to the sides, sniffs the swab, then tastes it]
[Griff walks in from the employees door]
Griff: Hey Al, you done with the invento- Oh, hey, isn't that the swab I use to apply my hemorrhoid cream?
[Al starts gagging, and it transitions to theme song]
[It opens back up to the shoe store, Al, Griff and Jefferson are looking at a Playboy, when an overweight woman walks in]
Woman: Excuse me, I'm here to get shoes.
Al: Oh, sure, give us a moment.
Woman: Could you put down that magazine and help me?
[The woman approaches the counter and sees the magazine they're reading]
Woman: Oh my word! How dare you read such patriarchial media on the job!
Al: I'm sure you wouldn't be complaining if it had a burger on it...
Woman: I'm taking my money elsewhere!
Griff: Try McDonalds.
[The woman storms out, and while leaving, says]
Woman: You haven't seen the last of me!
[An hour later]
[Al, Griff, and Jefferson are listening to the radio]
Radio: And, in local news, a feminist group has announced plans to protest a shoe store.
Jefferson: You don't think that could be the woman from earlier, do you Al?
Al: Who knows, maybe it's your wife?
[Marcy enters the store followed by 6 large women]
Marcy and her group: Down with the patriarchy! Protest the cissex!
Griff: Speak of the devil...
Marcy: Jefferson? You must've beat me here. Alright, here's your picket sign.
[Jefferson looks at Al and Griff]
Jefferson: Yes, honey, of course.
Griff: Well Al, what do we do now?
Al: We do what we always do. Man the harpoons.
Marcy: Al, you need to realize your white privilege! You have tyrannized these poor women for long enough!
Al: You and your friends forgot to check their weight before they got on the elevator.
[Jefferson starts cracking up]
Marcy: You think that's funny do you?
Jefferson: N-No, dear, of course not. Say, don't we have that rally we need to get to?
Marcy: Oh no, we're going to be late! Let's go, ladies, transgenders, xe, and other pronouns!
[Marcy walks out of the store, with her group in tow]
[Transition to Al's house]
[Al enters through the front door to see Peggy sitting on the couch eating bon-bons]
Peg: Oh, Al, look, Marcy's on TV.
[Al hurries and sits on the couch. On the TV it shows a Donald Trump rally]
Trump: And so I says to the guy, hey, we need to build a wall.
Marcy: HOW DARE YOU YOU RACIST XENOPHOBIC CISSEXIST SCUM! FEEL THE BERN!
[Trump looks at the crowd as the camera zooms in on Marcy]
Trump: Take her away! Get her out!
[As Marcy is being taken away, Jefferson, still sitting as she's being taken away, takes off his jacket to reveal a Make America Great Again shirt]
[Credits roll]
>>29453350
>>29453361
>>29453373
kek that was pretty good anon
original origami
This whole thread is gold, Jerry! Gold!
Anybody got more?
Originally comment
>>29453823
There are some older, shorter ones that I wrote which I think are kind of good but not to the same degree of quality.
>>29452170
I have seen every episode of Seinfeld. The only thing I have left are reruns. These threads are the best thing since the show ended.
>>29452170
>>29452181
>>29452201
these type of late night threads are the reason I keep coming back to this shithole. Doing God's work OP, keep it up
fucking kekoriginal comment for uptight kikes
im sad to say i got all the rhythm and beats and style of this because i watched a lot of seinfeld as a teenager
shitty overrated garbage
your story was funny though
>>29452170
it's good except when jerry said he was sick. he would've stayed, had sex, and then fiddled about for a couple of days wondering if he should keep having sex with her or break up.
>>29455654
I need a fanfic writing staff
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpnNakMdvXk
I feel like this would be the best thread to post this in
One more shameless bump so that some more anons might enjoy, goodnight phams
This thread is pure unadulterated gold platinum
>new curb soon
>>29453004
Hey I wrote that! I've been doing some of these /r9k/ seinfeld threads before, but I always greentext mine in simple manner like in that picture. OP's style is much more "professional" than mine, my Seinfeld stories also tend to be more gross and "peepee poopoo" type.
>>29457350
Another reminder that I'm not OP. Here's a screenshot from some other Seinfeld thread. I've been doing /r9k/ Seinfeld for ages now, but my threads barely get any posts and I'm typically the only poster.
My Seinfeld stories are written in simple greentext format, nothing fancy like OP's. Picture related, you can easily see which ones are written by me (first 3 greentext stories).
>*funky bass*
>*Jerry and George in cafeteria*
>Jerry: So you met Anon, how's he doing?
>George: Still in the same spot as we saw him in high school; no job, no hobbies, no life, oh and get this: no girlfriend!
>Jerry: No girlfriend?
>George: No girlfriend!
>Jerry: Wow, that's pretty pathetic
>George: I know, it was like staring a lesser version of myself
>Jerry: Now you know how I feel when I'm talking to you
>*Jerry takes a sip from his coffee*
>*funky bass*
>Kramer: Jerry, do you think she'll ever come back?
>Jerry: Yeah! With a police force!
>Kramer: She's a heck of a lawyer isn't she
>Jerry: Kramer you peed in her mouth!
>Kramer: So? We've been doing some water sports before..
>Jerry: She was asleep! You don't pee in someone's mouth when they're sleeping!
>Kramer: Well I was horny, Jerry! Horny! What was I supposed to do? Just stand there like some lusty teenager and stare like she was a dirty magazine on a rack that I wasn't allowed to even touch before I turned 18?!
>Jerry: You shouldn't had peed in her mouth!
>Jerry: She's a roastie?
>Kramer: Hyup! A roastie!
>Jerry: W-what is a roastie?
>Kramer: You see this sandwich, Jerry?
>Jerry: Oh no..
>Kramer: Like the aftermath of dad attempting to cut the christmas turkey with a power drill!
>*Kramer crashes in Jerry's apartment*
>Kramer: Hey Jerry you got any of that white stuff in that roll?
>Jerry: What?
>Kramer: You know, that white paper-y stuff rolled around cardboard tube?
>Jerry: Oh you mean toilet pap-
>Kramer: Toilet paper, yes! That's what I was talking about
>Jerry: How come you don't remember what toilet paper is?
>Kramer: Oh I've been clear of that stuff for almost 15 year now. Did you know they put microscopic fibers in that stuff? Who knows what those things to do your behind, and I don't even want to know!
>Jerry: What have you been using to wipe your butt then?
>Kramer: Oh I don't wipe, Jerry. I'm in no wipe zone. Why do you think I always wear these brown pants?
>Jerry: Oh moses smell the roses..
>*funky bassa*
>>29457402
OP here, they're all hilarious, that dick girl one made me kek like a mad man though, the lines suit the characters
Its nice to see some original content on this board
