>feel like shit all the time
>keep telling myself thats only feelings
>that they are based on the past and not the present
>that letting them control my life will only cause me more future pain
>keep fighting the urge to give up to despair every day
>it never goes away
>it attacks me when im weak and alone at night
i just want it to go away i want it to stop controling my life
>>29410791
>keep telling myself thats only feelings
>that they are based on the past and not the present
well that's possible, but it's also possible from your present situation. do you ignore people that need help? do you just sit around all day masturbating? do you verbally abuse people online for no reason?
if you honestly believe you have no reason to feel the way you do, maybe you need a creative outlet. people have been painting/playing music/writing poetry for thousands of years, it can't be healthy to just sit around and consume media all day.
>>29410810
i draw, i sometimes
>>29410810
im like op but with a creative outlet. i wrote a big post about how it doesnt help but erased it. it must for some people, you've got a point, but for someone like me or us, there's no reward. no matter how great a painting we make, it's not as great to us as it might be to other people. i chalk it up to just my brain being fucked
>>29410914
entretainment is the only thing that really takes the pain away. I can try a million things but none of them stack up to loading some shitty video on youtube
>>29410914
>>29410948
ps. this isnt a reward/motivation thing. i actually feel flat in the head. no strong "good" feelings, ever. i can have some with food, drinks, or comedy, but it's nothing sustained. nothing really bad either, aside from this flat fucking feeling. at this point i'm determined this is how it will be for the majority of my life and that i just ought to become familiar with it. not cope, but just know it'll be there. saying that for you too, OP. this isn't despair, or defeat, its a new ambient feeling that has to be worked around. my life is shittier as a result, but what am i going to do, just not feel this way? i think way too much about this phenomena. it happened without me even realizing it.
>>29410810
>do you ignore people that need help?
i dont understand this one
>do you just sit around all day masturbating?
i took charge of my life and got my ged, well im getting it in a week, college is free here and admission is based on a test
>do you verbally abuse people online for no reason?
no, i havent done that shit in years
its not that i have no reason to feel this way but after years of beating myself over every mistake i ever did i finally got the chance to move on. I do draw but it doesnt make things better, only media and junk food do that. I watch 6 hours of youtube a day, i woke up feeling like garbage because i have nerve damage in my arm. Its really mild and i already went to the doctors for it but i kept feeling the wierd arm sensation and beating myself over every little thing that lead me to this for hours. I need something to shut the bad thoughts away. Silence kills
>>29411114
im trying hard because it took me 4 years of telling myself i was too stupid and it was impossible to finish highschool at in the end it was easy as fuck, i know my mind is my worst enemy. It got so bad in the past i got depressed and couldnt stay awake or do basic things like showering or brushin my teeth.
There are lots of things i can do with my life as long as i dont start feeling like shit again
>>29411114
>no strong "good" feelings
Same. I got some dopamine related meds for it but they stopped working after a while. They also gave me seizures when I used to get drunk in my room all the time. Now I stopped drinking and taking them so I have nothing that makes me feel good.
I have nothing to look forward to either. The prospect of getting a job (which is very difficult for me) and a place of my own doesnt excite me either since it would only make my life slightly less shitty.
I want to die but I'm not even motivated enough to kill myself.
Rant over, back to doing nothing all day.
>>29411324
>got some dopamine related meds for it but they stopped working after a while
thats called anti depressants and they do not work
>>29411353
They were NDRIs not SSRIs, and they did help for a while. I had more energy and motivation. But only for a few months.
>>29410791
>>that they are based on the past and not the present
>>based on the past
much like the present
