First time posting in /r9k/, I have short story to share and I want advice from people probably as fucked up in the head as I am. Actually not advice, just opinions.
>me, 22 year old male on his second semester of Erasmus exchange programme
>my 3 year old relationship took a hard hit after first semester and abortion that happened in the inter semester interval, my decision to continue another semester killed the relationship completely
>in March I see a girl in my class that I instantly take liking to, her also being from another country we hang around and enjoy the English speaking company
>as months pass, we quickly become good friends, actually admitting that we are the closest people we both have here, even though knowing each other for only a few months
>my relationship is crashing and burning, me going to my home country at end of May to finally finish it off
>after I come back I ask the girl out on a date
>although she is 6 years older than me and cautious at first, we quickly fall in love, feeling something really special
>she is attractive, smart, and genuinely a good person that gets upset about wickedness of the world
>begin planning our future together, I gave up on my plan for next year of going to Australia just so I can be close to her
>we have it planned out, she finishes her Masters and then both go to Amsterdam, her for her Phd, me for my Masters
>really looking forward to what future might hold for us
>>29390084
This happened yesterday
>we go out on a date, have a wonderful lunch, enjoying the day, stopping in front of a window to see how good we look together (minor things I know, but remembering it makes me, well, feel)
>it being a beautiful day, we go hang around in the nature
>while there, we get talking about us, about our future
>she told no one we're dating, the age difference being on her mind and she still being unsure of us
>unsure because she expects that I will tell her something that will make her reconsider what she thinks of me
>tell her I feel the same way - not that she can tell me anything of that kind, but that there are things of me that will make her see me for what I am
>she really thought of me as a down to earth good guy, someone that wants to make the world better by helping people (I do want to make the world better, although I care about the outcome more than about the process) , someone so loving that she couldn't even comprehend it
>this being 4chan, you can see where this is going
>she wants to hear it all, she wants to see my shadow and to see the depth it will give me
>me being a naive fuck, say it all, not at all expecting that she will understand, though having hope that whatever she says she feels for me is stronger than what I reveal
>29390084
This isn't looking good for you, OP.
>>29390212
>eugenics, real equality (not having problems with punching a girl given the circumstances), not believing in Holocaust the way it is presented, fapping to pretty much everything on the internet, eating fetus of my unborn child
>now that I see what I wrote, I kek at my hopes of her understanding
>she takes CP the worst, I used to do it when I was younger though now I CBA with deep webbing it
>she sees this as the worst thing one can possibly do
>hour to hour, moment to moment, her mental image of me is blown to pieces
>she begins crying, saying that she really needs to start people for what they are, not for what she wants them to be
>says that if I wanted to break up with her, this is the most brutal way I could go around it
>we come to a place where we split ways
>she says that whatever she felt to me will never come back, that whatever she thought of me got smudged and won't ever be restored
>she says that I should make the arrangements to go to Australia, as she knows that she can't be with someone like me
>I want to cry but I can't, it just isn't happening
>we share a final kiss, my short term future being changed in one afternoon
>I ride off into the night, listening to Claire de Lune (our song) with full moon, laughing like a maniac
>>29390245
Never reveal your power level. Lurk more.
>>29390245
Face it dude, you will literally never fall in love with someone who would ever love you back in spite of all that stuff. I day you just distance yourself from it all or accept a life of isolation. Its possible you could red pill a partner on some of that stuff, but no one will be okay with CP, dude.
>>29390245
if this actually happened, you should never reveal your powerlevel yooo, you gotta gauge how messed up they are too, before hand
>>29390245
>revealing your powerlevel and admitting to jerking it to CP
you ate your unborn fetus?
If I exist, and if you guys exists, that means that there are people like us in the populace and finding a partner that understands us should be possible. My ex knew of all this (well, other than the fetus thing) and she still loved me.
>revealing my power level
It was naive, I admit that, though I believe relationship should be build upon trust and acceptance of who the other is and where he comes from.
>the fetus thing
The abortion was chemical one, after it came out we played with it for a while before ex got disgusted by it and told me to get rid of it. As I was standing there I came to the conclusion, that having the possibility of eating my "child" will maybe never pop up again, so I went for it.
It tasted likechickenegg. Just a bit more chewy.
>>29390667
Well Cronus, you done fucked up.
like the other anons said don't reveal your power level ever.
don't give hints, don't say it in passing, don't reveal it ever.
>>29390731
How do you then find someone with power level that matches yours? I don't want to have to settle for someone that I know that if he or she knew all there is to know about me, he or she would think I'm a monster.
I guess going for the crazies would be an obvious choice, although that would be stepping down. If I can have people believe that I am a productive/interesting/good member of society, why shouldn't my partner as well?
>>29390667
What the fuck, fampai
>>29391072
>How do you then find someone with power level that matches yours?
Do you really want that?
according to what you posted finding a girl that has the same power level as you seem like a really fucked up individual
Find a girl you like, keep the fucked up shit to yourself and live a happy life.
>>29391347
and even if he did find someone like that, they should never have kids. The poor kid wouldn't come out healthy or normal.
>>29391347
I refuse to keep myself bound to lower parts of Gauss because society imposed morals make people believe that there is good and wrong in the world.
>>29391422
>implying that you can judge whether I'm worthy of having children based on a tiny snippet of my life, much less how they would come out
>>29391563
I really can judge that. Society can do it as a whole. If you're so strung up on telling the entire truth about yourself to someone you liked, then you would do the same to your unlikely child. God forbid you're still interested in CP at that point. Children need well adjusted parents not ones who have such degenerative and horrible opinions and past actions.
>I refuse to keep myself bound to lower parts of Gauss because society imposed morals make people believe that there is good and wrong in the world.
am probably using this wrong but
Birds of a feather flock together.
upgrade your worth, be a better person and better people will be attracted to you.
downgrade yourself and become even more vile and garbage people will be attracted to you.
>implying that you can judge whether I'm worthy of having children based on a tiny snippet of my life, much less how they would come out
Yes he can judge you, eating a fetus and masturbating to CP is really fucked up shit.
I wouldn't (and anyone else for that matter) trust you with a child
>>29391618
>>29391774
>having morality built upon what society says is "good" or "wrong"
Have fun living by what others impose on you. Conventional morality is exactly for people that I wouldn't want to end up with.
>upgrade your worth
Again, you are assuming you know my worth. Even more, you are assuming that you know how I will parent my child.
Unfortunately (from your POV) I am a highly desirable partner that has no problem getting people attracted to/trusting him.
>vile and garbage
Oh /r9k/, never change. jk, no idea how representative you are of this place
>>29392450
>I am a highly desirable partner that has no problem getting people attracted to/trusting him.
then why did she leave you?
>>29392511
>was she attracted
yes
>did she trust me
yes
>why?
Because I allowed it. I knew what the outcome might be. More than that, I expected it with 99% accuracy (abstract framing of % but helps show how sure I was with that would happen) In accordance with my morality, I came clean. Morality made not by majority, but by what I consider to be the most important in relationships.
>>29390245
Lmao this is the edgiest shit I've ever seen, I can see the stains on your DBZ shirt.
>>29390084
First time posting in /r9k/
Fuck off faggot
>heh, I am not bound by your plebian conventional morality as I am truly enlightened
>now on my quest to tell every girl I'm interested in I've jerked off to child pornography
>>29393165
>I think it's edgy therefore it is edgy
>projecting
>>29393262
Secret club much?
>>29393416
If it is a girl that I see myself having future with I think we should be on equal grounds regarding what we know about each other. If she can't accept me, me with all my good and bad parts, then the future would be built on false images of each other.
>>29393620
You're going to get reported to the police lmao.
>>29393620
Good luck with finding someone who will accept you. I hope that you won't forget self-restraint.
>>29390245
I hope you realize that your vision for a better tomorrow is completely fucked. You are a fucked up idiot brain and you don't deserve life.
You deserved it, you fucking idiot. Be a man and hide that shit from now on. We don't live in a fairy tale universe where all your romantic notions of love are true and you can just tell your significant other about all your deep, dark secrets. There are some things that you just need to take to the grave .
>>29390340
Anon
Thank you
I had the biggest kek today
Was waiting for jt
>>29393670
Nothing to report, no evidence to frame me. Anything that could be used like that was thrown away years ago.
>>29394051
If you genuinely mean it, thank you. Self discipline is something I consider one of the most important virtues one can have and actively strive to improve myself in this regard.
>>29394053
I would gladly go into a discussion with you so you can judge my viewpoints on more than bullet points. But then again, by the way you reacted, I don't think you would be willing to understand whatever I would propose.
>>29394191
How does being a man include being ashamed for what makes you you? In front of someone you want to spend a significant part of your life with? I understand that I can't go around the world broadcasting my unpopular opinions because they are exactly that, unpopular, but someone that I consider my partner, my partner in the sense of being my equal, should accept anything and everything that I am.
>>29390245
lol wat
you actually are normal enough to get two girls in a row, just like that, without even trying...
and yet you're autistic enough to then tell one of them that you fap to See Pee and that you 'ate your unborn fetus', not to mention that you're implying you'd beat her?
Lol
>>29394844
Dude your bullet points are fucked up enough. You emotionally scarred a person who thought they loved you. I have my own ideas and they have nothing to do with your sick sexual fantasies. Look up ThuleanPerspective on YouTube to get an idea of my vision.
Splendid Isolation
>>29390667
>after it came out we played with it for a while before ex got disgusted by it and told me to get rid of it. As I was standing there I came to the conclusion, that having the possibility of eating my "child" will maybe never pop up again, so I went for it.
>we played with it for awhile
>the possibility of eating my "child" will maybe never pop up again, so I went for it.
What the fuck dude. If this is real, you and your ex are some really fucked up people.
>>29395636
I fapped to CP when I was adolescent.
I ate it, no side stepping this one.
I told her that I would first try to pacify whoever was being aggressive towards me in manner that wouldn't harm them (hold their hands, put a choke hold on them) and only if that failed I would deck them.
>>29395720
>you emotionally scarred a person who thought they loved you
This went straight to the feels. Never wanted to do that to her, I genuinely cared about her and wanted to make her happy.
Can you recommend me 5 vids from him just to get a quick overview? He has a lot of videos I see, I would like to get his main points, "spirit" of what he believes so to say.
>>29395798
I am open to almost anything, I believe that life is about experience. It was an experience, it was already happening, I decided to take a curious approach. To defend her, she got sick of herself after a few minutes. I didn't, still don't.
>>29396574
He uploaded some survivalism stuff recently that's really good. Check out his recent video about forests.
>>29396574
Fair enough, but eating your aborted child's fetus? This is something you actually wanted to experience? That's some death metal shit.
>>29396847
Not bad actually. Although I know won't identify with some of his naturalistic ideas (I believe we are as much part of nature as it is part of us, whatever we do to it, as long as it leads to us advancing further is worth it, for with technology will come potential of restoring this planet to its original form). Still, I like the European vibe he has on his ideas, never encountered someone so rooted in our (I am from Europe) ancestral past.
>>29396965
Throw it into the trash or eat it. That was the decision. Throwing something in the trash incorporates less senses than eating it. It is definitely a taste that will never be replaced.
