>Links to previous threads
>Part 1: >>24360199
>Part 2: >>24382117
>Summary too long to type here, view archived threads for the end of Saga 1
>part 3
>saga 2
>life is full of poor choices and insane levels of luck
>right as my neetmoney/scamming money/foodstamps runs out move in with wow girl
>wow girl lives in Spokane
>fly out to Spokane
>no money
>no job
>nothing
>wow girl offers me to stay rent free food free for 3 months until I find income
>you are probably wondering why wow girl is allowing all this
>back story time
>remember all that wow playing I did in parts 1 and 2?
>I spend a lot of that time socially engineering the wow girl to break up with her fiance
>convince her he is cheating
>like a fool, he admits to smoking weed in her apartment when she asked him not to
>she breaks off their engagement, offers me his old room as repayment and being such a good friend
>agree
>first few weeks are boring
>only interesting thing that happens is I begin to construct a new neet nest
>not a lot of nesting materials available.
>sleep on an inflatable mattress for the first few weeks, kinda comfy
>wowgirl is very resistant to my sexual advances
>surprised
>need to get cock in a pucci asap or The Itch will return and severe psychotic behavior will begin
>fuck it, its gonna happen anyway
>almost like an omen of things to come, I take her bottle of orange juice out of the fridge
>greedily chug it down
>her two cats watch me with concern
>whip out The Terminator New cock name assigned after causing FatCharlotte to babort in my bathroom
>Piss heavily into jug
>Get some on my hand
>Call kitty over
>flick piss on its face
>faglaugh and bring OJ bottle with me
>The first of MANY pissjugs to be born.
>curl up in my neetnest of inflatable bed and sheets
>hide pissjug in closet
OP you are a god among men. Please continue
>1 month later
>wow girl is dating chublord Tim
>chublord is a 911 operator and brags about it like its the pinnacle of human accomplishment
>wowgirl has college degree but is a waitress
>fuckin normies
>chublord hates me because i am living with his fuk toi
>hear them mating daily
>this must be what a farm sounds like in the spring
>vow revenge
>chublord knows i am a tech guy
>asks me to help him with his virus infested alienware piece of shit
>agree
>he promises to pay me
>my plan is now in motion
>i should mention wowgirl has issues and insecurities about porn because of her previous breakup
>come up with a new ritual...
>>24404227
>full insanity mode engaged
>I will begin to honor my prey with pissjugging
>next time we get groceries i make her buy one of those giant 36 packs of bottled water from sams club
>every time i do something malevolent i will fill 1 bottle per act with urine and store it
>decide to up the ante a bit
>any time i get caught i will drink the bottle labled with the deed
>all is lost
>hear them slam the front door as they leave to go make fuq or something
>skip like a faglet to her bedroom after i watch them drive away
>comb my pubes furiously with her hairbrush
>wow that feels great
>stretch my massive ballsack out like a fleshy sheet
>vigorously scratch my under-satchel with her hairbrush
>give it a good spit before putting it away
>hop on chublords shitty alienware gayming laptop xD
>plug in flash drive
>>24404037
OH GOOD LORD OP IS BACK
Nice blog senpai. Where can I purchase a monthly subscription?
>>24404305
>create hidden but not very well folder
>name it WORK DOCUMENTS
>paste about 20 bestiality videos featuring girls fucking dogs into it
>shut off his computer
>Piss into two bottles. Label one Hairbrush and another Chublord laptop
>fall asleep
>wake several hours later thinking i left the discovery channel on
>wtf are they doing a buffalo mating show
>nope just chublord squeezing off his butter into wowgirls gnarled snatch
>sigh
>piss in bottle #3 and go out to the living room
>slightly crack the patio door
>walk back to the front door
>grab one of chublords 2edgy4me vans sneakers
>head to the bathroom
>dust off a fresh catshit
>place it in his shoe
>fall asleep again content
>>24404382
stfu op is hilarious
>>24404397
2 days later...
>gentle knocking at my door
>wowgirl wnats to know if she can come in to talk
>say no
>she laughs and asks why, am i masturbating
>wtf kind of question is that
>tell her i dont do that
>she laughs and calls me a fucking liar
>say really tho dont come in i am not dressed
>she cracks the door anyway trying to be cheeky cunt
>fuck this
>stand up and grab muh dik
>rub it to try and give self a halfie
>she flings the door open suddenly thinking i was joking
>she laughs at first saying there was no way i am...
>she sees my halfie and gasps, immediately slams door and profusely apologizes
>yell that its fine, and to let me get dressed
>this is how you end up getting impregnated by insane neet man
>anyway
>asks me if i fixed chublords laptop yet
>tell her its messed up bad lots of viruses
>she asks if you can get viruses from porn
>i tell her its usually porn that gives viruses
>she demands to see his laptop
Somebody archive this shit, wikichan is gonna want a copy.
>>24404520
>demands to see what i found
>show her bestiality videos
>she is visibly enraged
>she flips out and slams the laptop shut, hear a crack
>she runs to the balcony off the patio door and slams the door shut
>can see she is on the phone and screaming
>laugh
>she comes back in apologizing to me for making me see that gross stuff
>say its ok
>lol
>she asks if its alright if he comes by
>she wants to end things and will feel safer doing it with me here
>stupidly chublord has agreed because an hour later door knocks
BUMP THIS SHIT
>>24404611
>hear hushed voices and shuffling, her door closes to her room
>cant hear a lot but chublord doesn't know the walls as well as wowgirl
>he speaks at normal volume so i can hear 100% of half the conversation
>he is explaining that he doesn't know where the videos came from
>she presses him
>he doubts his own thoughts and admits his ex used to fuck her dog in front of him
>she blows up at him because to her this is him having feelings for his ex again
>kicks him out
>think to myself, this is amazing i wish i could get paid to wreck lives
>take a celebratory piss in a bottle
They broke up that night and she sobbed for hours.
>>24404037
You had my curiosity.
now you have my attention.
dont stop being you. you magnificent beast.
what the fuck is this shit? it's like a never ending mischief greentext.
op iv been following this since the beginning
you are mischief incarnate
>>24404668
1 week later
>starting to get horny more and more
>no sign of wowgirl putting out
>trust in men is ruined
>get friendzoned by her and become emotional tampon
>decide to get some revenge
>wait for her to waddle off to her shift at Denny's
>stealthfully remove a tampon from her pussy cleaning supplies
>carefully unwrap it
>put my fingers in my asshole and put the smallest pieces of pewp i can imagine on the applicator
>wrap it back up
>use heat gun to reseal it
>piss in another bottle and decide its time to torture some cats
>she has two cats
>dont want to physically injure them
>just want to emotionally torment/ruin mind
>remember that cats hate water
>fill her bathtub up with warm water
>go tsk tsk tsk here kitties
>both stupidly follow me into the bathroom
>they see the water and tense up
>i sit on the toilet and hum BACKSTREET'S BACK ALRIGHT
>drop an uber-shit into the bowl, had to weigh at least 4 lbs, looked like a massive coconut+pine cone
>barehand it
>put it in the cats litterbox
>watch them approach it and sniff it
>cat #1 is white cat #2 is tan
>tan cat paws at it
>white cat meows with concern
>tan cat engages full frenzied burial mode spraying litter everywhere
>white can panicks at sudden activity
>jumps into tub forgetting it had water in it
>ULTRA-TERROR ENGAGED
>cat freaks out running around everywhere knocking shit everywhere
>i almost collapse in fag laughter
>tan cat gets sprayed with water from white cat's escape attempt
>tan cat spazzing out now too
>manage to unplug tub
>cats running around like psychopaths
>they climb the curtains, tear them up
>literally destroying everything they can in sheer terror
>race back to the bathroom, turd is covered in litter
>can't flush it roommate will know
>toss it off the balcony
>it lands on a the pavement with a thick plop
>>24404809
I'm in fucking tears right now
>>24404809
lost me at cat torture because you're mad some whore wont fuck your ass.
hidden
saged
that R feature
>>24404809
i really hope you have a blog somewhere with up to date/ongoing mischief
>>24404809
>race back to room
>close door
>put a movie on like halfway through
>pretend to be alseep
>roommate walks in the door 15 minutes later
>ANONNNNNN ARE YOU THERE
>snore
>anonnnnnnnnn?
>still fake sleeping
>hear a gasp
>she calls out her cats names obviously pissed
>hear her call them dumb assholes
>she gasps when she sees the bathroom
>shit everywhere
>litter everywhere
>she rages
>knock at my door
>groan as if half awake
>anon are you awake
>groan
>she leaves me alone
>hear her smack the cats up a bit and they meow and run out to the patio door and hide on the balcony
>its 1am
>decide to pack it in early tonight
>fall asleep with a job well done
About a week later I finally got a call back about a job, I was hesitant to work because lazy fat neet but needs must as the devil drives.
>its a job at best buy peddling over priced shit in their tech department
>roommate is visibly relieved.
>Interview is scheduled for 1 week out...
>>24405069
yes brilliant
>>24405069
>My interview is in the afternoon and wowgirl wants to help me get ready and make sure i look nice
>good luck polishing a turd just results in a shiny turd
>she insists on helping and gives me a hug before we get in her car
>she is taking me because lol no car or bus
>interview goes pretty well, get asked a couple odd ball questions about friends and hobbies
>fake well enough
>wowgirl tells me on the drive home that she is leaving for a week to stay with her parents in new york to visit and that the place would be to myself
>i think she is telling me to get laid because she knows i haven't had any girls over and she shot me down
>tell her maybe if i get this job i will
>the next day my balls feel like they're full of lead and decide she was right.
>after she gets in the cab i take my clothes off and turn the thermostat all the way up to make it 10,000 degrees inside and get on craigslist. i dip my cock in some vegetable oil and rub it while browsing the woman casual ads
>find a reasonable target
>mid 30's divorcee with mega-milk tits
>shes a fatlet though
>sigh, i've been to this rodeo before
>say fuck it and get in contact with her
>she agrees to meet me that afternoon
>thankfully my roommate has a rather tomboyish room, and nice large bed
>i just hoped that the bed could handle this cows considerable weight, plus my vigorous thrusting
>i harken back to the last winter when i literally shredded a crazy womans cunt all over my landlady's bed and making her bleed on it
>challenge accepted
>take a shower and finish myself off.
>as i get out of the shower the tan cat meows at me and i flip it off
>acne-cow arrives
>pic related
>>24405247
bump for more
>>24405247
>acne-cow lumbers over to our couch in the living room and comments on what a nice place i have
>she asks where i work
>i tell her i don't
>she looks concerned and i interrupt telling her im rich and won the lottery
>she is instantly aroused
>she jokes with me for a while and asks if i want to put a movie on and i say sure but my tv is in the bedroom
>she laughs and says okay right
>i said no really but we can sit out here if you want
>she laughs like a horse with tuberculosis once more and then trundles herself into my roommates bedroom
>she gingerly sits on the side and the thick wood creaks under her considerable size
>sigh at myself internally
>here we are again
>put on resivoir dogs
>she says she hates comedies and i sigh again
>i decide to make a move
>she hesitates and i ask whats wrong
>she asks me if i am willing to go down on her
>i am hesitant because i know that if i dive into her butter chasm i might find jimmy hoffa
>instead i agree and i push her back and she unsnaps her jeans and i slide them off
>the overpowering scent of sour milk slams into my face
>i gag slightly and suppress my disgust
>what a fatal mistake
>i close my eyes and get ready to do this
>another fatal mistake
>i begin licking at her hole and amaze at how wet she got so fast, my face feels like its covered in wetness
>keep lapping, notice there's an odd flavor not unlike coins
>iron coins
>ALERT
>race to the bathroom
>look in the mirror
>acne-cow yells after me
>my face looks like the joker did my makeup with ketchup
>i now have my red wings
>beyond enraged she didn't tell me her cunt was comitting suicide
I need a major motion picture adaption of OP's tales featuring John Goodman in the role of OP.
>>24405437
>get pissed off at her and she claims to not have known
>doubt this sincerely
>tell her that wasn't cool
>she apologizes profusely and offers to clean me up
>no
>offers to suck me off
>no
>fuk my bloodi pucci?
>NO
>She asks if she can use the bathroom to clean up
>Say sure
>she yells out from the bathroom asking why i have tampons
>explain i have female lesbian roommate
>she asks if she can borrow a tampon
>get genius idea
>say not the ones she can see but i will find her one
>she agrees
>she exits the bathroom and I tell her to wait
>i sift through the tampons under the sink until I find one with a crinkly spot where it unwraps
>It's the one i pewped on
>Call out to acne-cow that I found the ones she can use
>tell her its on the counter
>she goes back in the bathroom and then comes back out asking if I want to see her again
>tell her probably but need to process this
>walk her outside
>wonder if i will get to hear or see what happens when you put a turd into your bloody vagina
>>24405551
dont stop anon
bumping for more jimmy hoffa
>>24405437
>dive into her butter chasm I might find jimmy Hoffa
Top kek OP
>>24405551
>spend the rest of the week constructing a more horrifying neet nest, begin to store my urine bottles in the closet because i dont live alone like last time
>start new job the following monday
>worried it will be awful
>it is
fast forward a month
>I get a strange text from acne-cow a few days ago
>asking if we can hang out because we need to talk
>tell her i am busy
>know it isnt a pregnancy talk because i never fukked her pucci
>ignore her
>she calls
>i dont answer
>she leaves a voicemail about how she got super sick after leaving my place
>she said she ended up in the hospital for 3 days because she got a combination staph and e.coli infection in her bagina
>doctors said she may be infertile now
>she tells me to go to the dentist to make sure i dont have those two bacteria
>dumb bitch doesn't even know what bacteria is
>ignore dumb dumb and go about my life
It's late spring at this point and it will be a solid year since I moved in December
>Working 30 hours a week at shitbuy
>my manager is cool at least
>big tit blonde girl
>obvious stoner
>really chill/laid back
>would like to get inside her body but know that is near impossible
>work through most of the summer with no incident, it's almost fall now
>roommate wowgirl has been gone a lot
>she is dating a mexican dishwasher she met at her job
>lmfao
>managerbabe asks me if i am willing to open for big sale for new school year
>say sure i want to buy a fleshlight anyways
>she thanks me with a wink
>think nothing of it she is always bubbly
>Next week the sale starts
>decide to play it straight the next few days and get through this hump
>need the energy for more mischief
>>24405783
>sale day sucks
>tons of little kids and stupid parents
>have to explain printers and computers and backpacks to every moron on earth
>work 12 hours, it's 7pm
>managerbabe asks if i will stay till close (10pm) says she will reward me
>say sure
>exhausted, but she codes out a copy of mass effect 3 for me
>wtf sweet
>free game i wanted
>be really elated with her kindness
>maybe life of mischief is bad
>maybe i should be nice
>she tells me to head out, she is going to use bathroom and lock up
>ok
>leave without grabbing my coat or lunch tote
>shit i need my coat it has my wallet
>backtrack across the parking lot from my walk home to hope she is still there
>see crappy buick parked out front of store
>suspicion mode engaged, are we gonna get robbed?
>i get on my phone ready to dial 911 when i see managerbabe come outside and she gets in the car
>they drive past me to get on the main road
>black man
>figures, big tit blonde is a coal burner
>mating with Nightkin
>2009
>sigh there goes my hopes
>think nothing of it, go home and collapse in my deflated neet nest
>bed has been collapsed for weeks, poked a hole in it
>sleeping on trash and floor every night
>sigh
>>24405952
>be working the following weekend, closing again with managerbabe
>working normally when a turbo-chad walks in looking goofy for some reason
>he is looking around for someone
>ask him how i can assist him and have a great shopping experience
>he furrows his brow and asks if I know managerbabe
>say she is my manager
>he asks me if I wouldn't mind telling her that her husband is here waiting
>think about this
>o snap managerbabe is keking Chad.
>do not tell him
>The Itch Returns
>Go slightly bananas, drop a deuce in terlit and put it in the urinal then go tell manager about her hubby
i literally choked laughing at this
>>24406016
JOOOOOCY AF
You have tourettes but instead of cussing you just delve into piss/shit related compulsions.
>>24406016
>wait until closing time
>decide that there is no hope for me
>walk up to managerbabe
>ask her who the black man is
>she looks horrified and says her ex
>she berates me and says that is subordination
>i tell her i took pictures and that her husband would be mad at her
>she asks what i want
>tell her i haven't thought about it
>offers me some gift cards
>no
>she offers me a bj
>agree
>she sighs and gets pissed off
>make her suck me off in the back room after everyone is gone
>feels good man
>she says there we good
>say no
>she starts to cry
>tell her i want to creampie her once
>she flips out
>tell her i will destroy the only copy of photos(i have no photos) in front of her if she lets me have her ONCE bare
>agrees
>she starts to get undressed
>tell her no not here
>at my house
>wtf anon that's too risky
>those are the only options
>she calls me and asshole and gives me her #
>>24404992
leI faggot
>>24406188
>things are work ice cold, kind of regret my choices but i really want to fuck her
>she keeps texting me asking when i want to do it
>she obviously wants to get it over with but it seems like she is excited, that is, someone might think that if they saw it...
>tell her its gonna be a week because roommate
>she says fine
>ignores me at work, gives my instructions through coworkers
1 week later
>its friday night, she scheduled us both off.
>made her promise to wear super slutty clothes
>made her wear my roommates perfume
>she calls me asking what apartment i am in
>tell her
>she knocks and I let her in
>she looks amazing, her husband is lucky even if he is a kek
>she is wearing belly tank top and short shorts, long socks and sneakers
>blonde hair pulled in a small pony tail
>im getting hard just seeing her
>she looks at my pj pants and sighs
>must be able to see my bulge
>i masturbated literally 10 minutes before she showed, i want to last a long time
>she is going to want this to be over asap
>she asks where we're doing it and i direct her to my roommates room
>>24406367
>she flops on the bed onto her back and whips her shorts off with no undies beneath. She fingers herself a bit and says what are you waiting for
>drop my pj pants, average cock but turbo thick
>she laughs and says she wasn't expecting that
>tell her to spread her legs.
>she rolls her eyes and i climb between her legs
>i push the head of my cock against her clit and she shudders a little
>she pretends it doesn't feel good but it does
>i slowly glide my girth into her, she is average tightness
>shocked because nigger has been here
>rock slowly into her
>in and out in and out
>she wraps her legs around my lower back and meets my thrusts, begin to tap against her cervix
>she lets a groan out and covers her mouth
>i look down at her
>she tells me to fuck off
>i grind my cock into her as deep as i can go
>grinding against her, balls deep
>she starts to cum, i can feel her muscles squeeze me
>she has another orgasm
>i keep pumping into her and she groans
>after 20 minutes and 3 orgasms she asks if i am done yet
>tell her no
>pull out all the way then slam in
>smash her cervix
>she screams
>i groan
>she wriggles below me and i keep myself pressed against it
>thick ropes of sperm begin to flood her innermost place
>she cums again
>i am still going
>be me age 19
>just moved out
>go on 4chan /r9k/
>see the same nig who made the shit yesterday
>this is gonna be good
>get a call
>kkk brothers
>hey whatsup man he says
>wtf I quit ur stupid group i say
>lel no u didnt he says
>ohshit.jpg
>I forgot to leave
>tell him I quit
>he says fukc
>I hang up
>go back to read this shit
>wtf m8
>go on /b/
>nope nope nope nope nope
>open up Google chrome and look up tutorials on how to hang yourself at home
>decide its not worth it
>finally read the shit
>I lel'd so hard I fucking shit my self
>yee
>start to post a stupid comment about what happened to me today
>oh wait that's what I'm doing right now
>lel
>>24406521
fuck off faggot
>fucking robot
>>24406476
>i force myself to keep going until i feel a second orgasm come
>i hold still and stay inside her even though im going soft
>she says ok deal is done wtf are you doing
>tell her not to move yet
>she says wtf you didn't cum inside did you
>tell her twice
>she freaks out and storms out
>get a text 15 minutes later
>she is threatening to scream rape
>tell her go for it, i recorded it
>webcam was hidden below roommates dvd player
>she says i am bluffing
>tell her i also still hvae pics of husband
>tell her if we both pretend this never happened it will all end
>she fires me the following monday claiming i stole stuff
>decide to honor the agreement
>little did she know we'd be talking again soon.
>>24406628
>little did she know we'd be talking again soon.
This is getting even better
>>24406628
1 week later
>knock at door
>wowgirl is in kitchen
>two cops are at my door
>sir are you anon anon
>yes
>come with us
>wowgirl freaks
>cops say i raped blondemanager
>wowgirl appears to shy a bit
>acts like she knows something
>cops take me down town
>getting grilled for 6 hours
>want me to confess
>tell them no and i want lawyer
>5 more hours go by
>its almost 12am
>detective says i am free to go
>wowgirl in lobby
>anon we need to have a serious talk
>we go to her car and she quietly tells me that she went in my room today
>i turn ice cold
>she asks why i am putting apple juice in water bottles and hiding it
>she asks why my room is such a mess
>she then asks why i would con my boss into sex
>I sit quietly not knowing how to respond
>she calmly tells me that i have a month to get out and we drive home in silence
@_@ wat teh fug
>>24406476
You said she blew you at Best Buy and now she's surprised by your dick? At least keep this consistent you teen fiction author.
>>24406767
You got too careless brah.
Really enjoying these though.
>>24406767
The next day
>She approaches me and says to have the room cleaned by the end of her shift
>she says if not, she will have the police take me since i am not on the lease
>panic mode
>spend most of the afternoon cleaning and disposing of rotten urine
>get a text from wowgirl
>go read the letter in the envelope on the coffee table
>go read it
>short letter saying that the police released me because she walked in on us trying to surprise me with dinner, she heard sex and it was obviously consentual
>she told the police that and manager babe reneged her claim when they asked her.
Dawn of the final week, 7 days to homeless
>desperate for housing trying to social engineer every desperate woman on earth for housing
>get a text
>its from managerbabe
>she missed her period
>asks me if i want to guess why
>shrug it off, life is destroyed
>tell her the whole situation expecting to get laughed at
>tells me that her husband found out and she left him, nigger freaked when she suspected pregnancy and left
>she tells me i deserve to be homeless
>no more responses
>shit.
>consider suicide/telling parents i need to come home
>wowgirl asks if i have any leads yet
>tell her no
>force myself to do the most humiliating thing ever
>cry my heart out in front of her
you are just the right mix of sociopath and meme tier devilish op
Let's recap how many women's lives OP has ruined:
>mother's
>craigslist lady 1
>landlord lady
>craigslist lady 2
>neighbor's dog
>nacho
>wow girl
>manager
>>24406920
>not much happens
>she watches and asks if i have something i want to tell her
>tell her i have ocd and it makes me do dirty stuff like that
>tell her the stress of moving is too much
>cry more
>will it work
>she tells me that i can stay as long as i am working but i need to straighten my act out and repay her any damage caused
>agree
Not much happens the next few months, I find a job at a call center and end up meeting a girl there and we date for a while. I stupidly move in with her that early winter to get away from wowgirl
>new girlfriend is jailbait, 18 years old 1 weeka fter meeting
>fug constantly
>much happier, even though job sucks
>no more devil urges
>uggo landlady hates me, thinks i am perve for fugging 18 year old when i am nearly 30
>i always pay rent on time so she hates me but wont get rid of me
>having a pretty good winter
>gf starts getting distant, have to beg for fugging
>know something is up, confront her, she kukked me with some chad in the airforce
>rage internally, pretend to be beta and take it
>she says she is going to stay with her mom
>i am not on the lease, but agree
>decide to fuck her over hard
>wait for her to leave, call wowgirl
>ask her if i can stay in spare room for a week
>she agrees if i pay her
>text my coworker friend James
>james is like new bff
>james says i can crash with them as long as i want
>pack my meager things
>calmly walk into kitchen
>place plate over drain
>turn on sink low
>let it form air pressure seal so it wont come loose
>sink is filling slowly
>take my belongings and drive my shitty old car to wowgirls apartment
The next morning:
uggo-landlady calls me screaming and in complete panic mode asking if i am at kukker's apartment
>tell her we had a fight and i left several days ago
>pretend to be clueless
>uggo-landlady explains that the entire 2nd floor of the building was flooded, and the 1st floor businesses were flooded too, entire ceilings destroyed and wood flooring warped and ruined
HOLY FUCKING SHIT
this is insane
lmfao
>>24404809
holy fuck
made me laugh like a retard
Keep up god's work anon
>>24407109
>immediately get calls and texts from kukker girl and her mother the cosigner of the lease
>feign ignorance
>wowgirl asks what the hell is going on
>say kukker cheated on me with a black guy (wowgirl is rayciss)
>she hugs me (lmao)
>text james and plot my escape
>wowgirl says she will bring home pizza and we can talk it out
>say ty
>she said she is proud of me for changing
>thank her back and force a 8)
>james says i can rent their 3rd room for $100 a month (my shit job paid only $1400 a month tops, plus i was getting $200 a month in kekbucks)
>wonder if this is how my life will always be
>imagine Nacho looking down on me from space-heaven and raging at me for being a stupid cholo *Nacho was gardener spawn remember*
>sadness fills my heart
>wonder if i should suicide
>devil feelings begin again
>text wowgirl and ask her if she keeps sleeping pills
>no
>she got addicted to them and couldn't sleep without them but when she did get to sleep she had a hard time waking
>devil idea blossoms into my mind
>text back wowgirl and say ok can you buy me some
>she says sure
>ask her if she wants to make margaritas
>she agrees
>Itbegins.png
>>24407288
>it begins.png
bruh it never ended, keep it up
>>24407288
Later that night....
>7pm
>i made her dinner
>she hugs me
>should I do this
>this is a line i have never crossed
>never would cross
>beyond all help and hope
>we watch movies til 11pm
>both tipsy on margarits
>both full of delicious fajitas
>soon she will be full of more
>ask her if she wants to do shots
>no i get horny lullllllllll
>that would be a shame WINKEY FACE
>i whistle the kill bill theme as i walk to the kitchen
>she asks for another margarita
>agree
>woops i accidentally crushed up sleeping pills and put them in the margarita
>make myself one too
>drinking and laughing
>suddenly we doze off
>its 2am
>i wake
>she is snoring on the couch
>cant pick her up 2chubby
>poke her boob
>nothing
>poke her butt
>nothing
>call her name
>nothing
>check pulse, 45 bpm
>she deep asleep
>grab her ass and boobs
>dont do this
>dont do this
>push finger down on her chin
>mouth opens, she snores loud but doesn't stir
>dont do this anon
>no no no
>take off pants
>try to wake her
>getting hard as fuck...
>>24407393
no, no no.
NO.
NOOOOOOOOO
Please don't do this anon.
bump op pls?
Continue op please
Bamping for more of this amazing OP stuff
The final section of my compilation of the most epic prose ever written on 4chan will be called "The Best and the Worst of us: The Duality of Anon", and it will be Blindmuteloli's story followed by this godforsaken tale.
>>24407561
>This is a turning point
>I can go back from this still
>Fuck it
>Put finger in her mouth pretend its my dong
>She shows no signs of waking
>Put cock in her mouth
>She closes her mouth on it but isnt sucking
>this feels great
>stop because not good enough
>will she wake if i fug her
>slip her pj pants down
>no wake
>slap her ass gently
>nothing but a snore
>run to her room
>grab her lube
>lube up
>run back to couch
>mount behind her
>slowly ever so slowly
>ease my cock inside of her
>almost cum instantly
>never felt such pleasure before
>she stirs a little but snores
>gentle little pushes in and out
>insanely good feeling
>cum buckets deep inside
>she doesn't wake
>it doesn't drain much
>grab a wet nap and clean her butt and my cawk
>go to bed
>i am without hope
>>24407750
A week goes by and I decide to move in with James
>wowgirl texted
>asking if i wanted to hang out again
>say no
>she is surprised
>tell her i am bad person and she deserves better friends
>she says that isn't true
>ignore her text and move in with James
At this point I found a better job doing computer repair so I quit the shitty call center gig. Job was far from james house so i had to move yet again but lol no money and no more girls to ruin
>post another ad on craigslist
>craigslist is responsible for the ruin of 10+ women by me alone so far
>this time approach things differently
>respond to an ad made me christian lady who is needing a tenant for her late husband's 2nd home
>she is charging a lot but its 10 feet from job
>email her
>she is 50 something and ultra christian
>go to goodwill and buy cross necklace, pretend to be jesus fan
>interview with her
>she is very polite and offers me cookies
>agree
>offers me lemonade
>agree more
>have to pee now
>THE ITCH RETURNS
>Using her toilet
>Decide to casually piss in her sink
>Wow its spraying everywhere
>she asks me if i have a wife
>say no
>tell her my girlfriend Nacho died because god needed her in heaven
>she pats my thigh and says I can have the place
>Now I can shit up someone elses house again yay
>>24407874
even the widowed elderly will know no peace from you
>>24407874
>go to goodwill and buy cross necklace, pretend to be jesus fan
Absolute fucking madman.
>>24407874
>Fast forward 2 months of me working and pretending to be normal
>text from wowgirl
>anon i made a huge mistake
>what
>she tells me she was lonely after having me around to suddenly not
>ok
>she has a one night stand
>ok
>hooked up with a Mexican
>....ok
>little surprised because racist
>she is pregnant
>o no
>ask when she fugged this guy
>she tells me it was a week after I left
>o no
>ask what she plans to do
>she goes on and on about not wanting to hurt anyone and she cant do this
>not ready for a child etc
>asks me if i will go with her to planned parenthood to get it baborted
>she said she feels violated because it was mexican
>that is probably my baby in there
>oh mannnnnnnnn
>actually want it
>realize the moon was full that night
>i really need to stop cream pieing girls on the full moon
>try to convince her to keep it for weeks
>getting to the point of no return
>babortionists tell her if she dont do it in 2 weeks they cant
>she caves and decides to BABORT
>baby gets removed
>i am destroyed
>my spawn is gone
>Nacho please take care of it in space-heaven
>oh wait no such thing
>become mega-depressed
>weed has just become legal
>smoke constantly erryday
Fast forward 2 months
>wowgirl texts me
>wanna hang
>nope
>never hear from her again
>gettin lonely these days
>gettin sadder these days
>decide to construct the ultimate neet nest in home
>go on craigslist begging for free clean blankets
>get like 30
>make ultimate neet-hive
>hold things in place with piss jugs
>urine smell all over
>drain flies are literal clouds in the kitchens and bathrooms
>decided not to flush the toilet for a week
>literally a bucket of pay day bars
>stench is enormous
>nobody has been in here but me to shit the place up
>decide i want a pet
>worried it might die in these conditions
>go on craigslist and find an offer for FREE CAT TO GOOD HOME
>i have a good home
>contact stupid owner
>acquire large black cat named Buck
>Buck enjoys the drain flies
>>24406246
piss off homosex
>>24407997
Basically copying those few legendary stories everyone knows off of wikichan, ones I've saved (in image format, so I gotta type them out as penance for being a dumbass), and hunting down new ones.
>>24408058
Only after i finish sucking these cocks
>>24408049
>wonder how much lower i can go
>pc repair job goin south
>going in to work smelling bad, dressing bad
>probably smell like piss, cat piss, cat shit, drain flies, misery, and rotting tihngs
>losing all hope
>get fired right before christmas
>maybe its time to die
>get approved for neetbux and ebt card
>get free adult diapers from local Mission
>dont even go to the toilet anymore
>lay on the floor in my neet nest pissing and shitting myself as i slip in and out of conciouness
>wonder what i can do
>it always seems to work
>why not
>go on craigslist
>pretend to be university student looking for long term girlfriend maybe a wife someday
>get an email from a big titted 19 year old who is a virgin
>hit it off
>>24408138
show us a picture of the wowgirl
>>24407750
>admitted to drugging and raping a girl
Enjoy getting v& you crazy bastard you.
>>24408138
>too lazy to clean
>too horny
>come up with a solution
>let gay men suck my dick for amazon gift cards
>they hungrily guzzle my sperm for $50 a hit
>I do this for a few weeks
>Order amazon house cleaning
>the crew arrives, horrified
>tell them it was my uncles place and he dead
>they dont believe me because they are hispanic
>no hablas ingles
>w/e
>they clean for 9 hours
>remove 45 bags of trash
>their boss tells me that there is extensive damage to the wood floor
>sigh
>they leave
>arrange to meet with Craigslistgirk
>invite her to my now clean home
>first thing she asks me on first date is what happened to the floor
>joke and say thats where i murder my victims
>she is shocked but laughs hard
>oh boy one of these.
>buck likes her
>she likes buck
>buck is bored these days because no trash jungle to explore or vast clouds of flies to chase
>wonder if I should get him a friend
>craigslistgirl is into League of LEgends
>tell her she should practice her actions per minute on my dick
>she laughs again
>chill most that night
>she goes home no sex
>start playing fallout 3
>phone is getting blown up by unknown caller
>this cant be good
>answer
>SO AND SO THIS IS WOMAN FROM BLAHBLAH HOSPITAL. DO YOU KNOW WOWGIRL
>yes i do although we haven't spoke in a while
>YOU MAY WANT TO COME DOWN, ITS AN EMERGENCY
>OK
>dont go
>check facebook a few hours later
>wowgirl dead
>became an hero
>cops find note
>guilt suicide from babortion
>doctors call it PTSD/babort
>they want to find the father
>no remains to test
>wowgirl is with nacho in space-heaven now if it existed which it doesn't
>sigh
>fall asleep on the couch and wake myself up crying every few hours
>>24408278
are you retarded? WORK OF FICTION
also, even if true, there's zero proof he did ANYTHING
also, THIS IS FAKER THAN SHIT OP IS A FAG
>>24408348
Are you not entertained?
>>24408368
yes i am, just annoyed with the v& guy because he might scare off OP and he is telling a good (although fake) story.
Thanks OP, this thread makes my day
>>24408316
>Get a call from wowgirls mom
>Only met her a handful of times
>tells me that there was something about me in her note and that i would understand it
>reluctant
>have her read it to me
>her mom cries constantly, takes 5 minutes for her to read 2 sentences
>all it said was "you know where you hid the juice, look there and youll know I know"
>wtf that is confusing as shit
>mom asks me if i want to help clean out the apartment
>agree
>go to my old closet and between the wall and the door theres an envelope
>she wrote me a personlized note
>she says she enjoyed that night we shared
>she says she was awake the whole time
>asks if i am retarded, who wouldn't wake from that
>sigh at myself
>she wanted it afterall
>cry a bit
>flush note
>mom asked what it said
>say it just said goodbye
>leave after 5 hours of cleaning/moving stuff
>go back to neet nest and text lolgirl and see if she wants to visit tomorrow
>>24408496
>she declines, going camping with her family
>decide to call my parents since its been months
>mom answers
>hi mom
>you can't have any money
>i just wanted to talk to dad
>he doesn't either
>mom i want to legit talk
>shuffling noises
>WAT
>hi dad!
WAT IS GOING ON SON HOW IS THE WEATHER OUT THERE WARM I BET MAN IT WAS COLD THIS WINTER BUT YOU KNOW THAT SINCE YOU'RE FROM
>dad
WISCONSIN, HO BOY IT WAS A ROUGH ONE HAHA NO WONDER THOSE NIGGERS HATE THE NORTH THEY ARE JUST
>DAD
USED TO AFRICA I BET, YOU KNOW THE ELEPHANTS THERE HAVE BIG DICKS LIKE THE DARKIES TOO HAHAHAHA
>DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD
Sorry son
>No big deal hey listen can I come home for a visit
I'll talk to your mother, take care
>click
>>24408496
This story is a real rollercoaster of emotions.
>>24408690
Week goes by
>lolgirl stops responding to calls
>no more texty text
>she blocked me on LOL and everything else
>sigh
>Say fuck it and actually try at community college
Fast forward 1 year
>Parents call me one night
>Except its just my dad
HELLO SON
>dad?
SON, YOUR MOM IS DEAD SHE IS DEAD
>dad starts sobbing like nothing ive seen before, panic fully engaged
>mom was a bitch but she was my bitch mom
>cry with him on the phone for a while
>look at everything around me and see i am alone once again
>force myself to get up
>go read 4chan
>decide to post the last 2 years of my life over the last 3 days to a small group of people i will never meet
The end.
>>24408808
Wait what it just ends?
This was an excellent tale of degeneracy, insanity, autism, rape, bestiality, attempted murder, extortion, theft, fraud, love, loss and all other things that make small children scared and grown men weep.
Bravo.
>>24408808
Just so I can be a part of this legendary story. I was here when OP told the greatest story known to man.
Great story OP, please update us with your life
>>24408841
Yep. That's the end
Of this story. I have more stories in general, those never run out.
>>24408916
Please OP. You brighten my day
>>24408808
God damn it, thanks for improving my last few nights. Godspeed anon. Take care.
Let them say i lived in the time of op, the kekmangler.
>>24408808
You have our condolences OP, thanks for sharing you adventures to the farthest reaches from human decency.
This has been one wild ride anon.
I had feels and fun reading it all.
I don't believe in drawing a lot of personal attention to myself in egotism so if I do post another massive story chain you'll have to spot me by my writing and the time of day I typically post (same as the last 3 days)
See you, robots.
I just want to be a part of this beautiful story. Thank you, OP. Thank you, Sceencappers, for bringing this story to new generations. Godspeed, you beautiful bastards.
What are you studying OP?
Where you living now?
Do you still get up to mischief?
Best story ive ever read and I hope its all true.
OP you have made me feel so many emotions. Well done.
Sorry for all your loss. Thank you for sharing.
What will we call this story when we tell it to our children and our children's children?
>>24409287
OP's Tubular Tale.
>>24409287
The Evil That Men Do
-or-
Worse Than Hitler
its those nights that make me feel content with pissing my life away here
Aight, anyone started to pastebin this? Bibanon is gonna want this.
>>24407107
>nacho
He didn't ruin her life. He enriched it until she died.
So yesterday I got the girl I like to touch a math notebook that just so happens to have a measured grid in inches.
So this morning, using the grid of four squares to an inch, I measured my cock to about 6 inches long and 1 3/4 inches wide. Then I measured the circumference to about 5 inches. From memory, I mapped out her hand and - using my hand as a template- measured how much her hands could wrap around my dick.
So her hands are about 4 1/2 inches from wrist to the tip of her middle finger, roughly. I subtracted 1/4 an inch to make up for her middle finger/index difference, subtracted an inch for the distance between the wrist and the base of her thumb, then I added 1 1/4 inches to make up for the thumb which is about 4 and 1/2 inches between the tip of her index and the tip of her thumb.
Now I had to measure circumference versus hand surface which lead to me measuring my own hand with 6 inches of hand covering the 5 inches of shaft. So 4 1/2 inches multiplied by 5/6 = 3 3/4 inches. To put that into perspective, the only place she'd be able to fit her grip around the whole cock would be just below where the head meets the shaft.
After I did this, I remembered that the circumference was bigger than her wrists, and so with that in mind, I estimated her hands to be about 2 inches wide using my own hand to guesstimate.
It would take her 2 hands to reach about 3/4ths of the way around my shaft with about 2 inches to spare for jacking me off.
Now, I've seen her hand cover her mouth a few times; and so estimate that my dick would barely bable to fit it in her mouth past the head.
Finally, she's 5 feet tall - which means my 6 incher is 10% of her 60 inches of height. I'm 5'10, which means I'm 70 inches. Measuring my taint straight up by 7 inches I determined that if I were to stick it in her balls deep, it would go up to her bellybutton.
100% legit I did this.
>>24409850
I'm proud of you, Anon. You did well.
>>24408808
>The end
Really Anon? I thought you already figured it out.
>>24408808
You are the God. Land whales around the world will call you daddy.
Honestly OP, you should become a book writer. I'd read ur books. If u did that it would be sick as shit bruh
Can someone upload a full screencap of this beauty?
You know, I have been slaving away for a few weeks fabricating an epic 4chan tale to go down in history. Poured over all the greats, picking the best elements out.
Now that I have read this I have given up. I cannot top this.
>>24410017
I wrote this, too
Me and (redacted) were alone in the apartment. We'd been alone, before, but this time she knew I liked her. She felt really awkward about it, so I went to watch tv and I made sure to pick a movie with lots of sex because lol. She said it was pretty much a porno about 30 minutes in and I couldn't help but agree.
We started talking about porno. She's not exactly a shy girl. Soon she asked me what I liked and I was pretty surprised at how far she was taking it by that point. I told her I liked doggy-style pov and recipricated the question. She said she liked yaoi. I asked her if she masturbated to yaoi often and she said she never got the chance to since she lives in such a crowded house.
I brought out my laptop and sat down next to her on the couch where I asked what I should look up. She said she wanted to see the doggy-style pov. She's quiet and getting flushed. She starts to shift around in her seat as the girl in the video gets fucked and I put my hand on her thigh to plant her down, firmly. I rub her thigh up up and down as the video goes on.
At that point I look her in the eye and and start rubbing her stomache and back. I replace the computer on my lap with the girl at my side and start my way up her shirt. she's breathing heavily - not because she's so turned on, but because she's clearly terrified about the situation. I take her bra off and lean her back onto me. She's says my name and I wait, but nothing else comes out of her mouth so I continue. I rub the inside of her thighs, going higher up with each stroke until I reach the sweet spot and she tightens her legs.
>>24410152
We're gonna need this in text, this is XBOX HUEG.
>>24404037
sam hyde is that you?
>>24410177
She stands up almost immediately and runs off into the bathroom, I don't follow because I know she needs space. After a few minutes she comes out - she had been sweating. She sits down and takes out her phone to show me a crude video of herself masturbating in our bathroom.
I'm shocked, rock hard, and not bothering to hide it. I take my cock out and start stroking it to the video while she looks away. But soon she unbluckles her pants and tries to put her hand down there only to find her pants are too tight. I get up and she kind of panics when she sees my dick in her face as I approach. She covers her mouth and reminds me about her braces. Instead, I continue with what I was actually doing and I take her pants off. She switches to covering her black panties. however I take one of her hands and wrap it around my shaft.
>>24410240
She can barely wrap her fingers all the way around the girth. I coach her while I start playing with her pussy. Her legs are in the air, one hand is stroking my dick and the other is rapidly feeling all up her body. Suddenly she takes her hand off and stands up. I stand as well. She and doesn't say a word as she turns around and presents herself to me by sliding the crotch of her panties aside. I try to squeeze it into her petite body and it's a tight fit all the way in.
She's half-naked, her ass is in the air, and I'm balls deep inside of her. I fuck her slow at first, but I pick up the pace. Her breathing matches my thrusts and I can hear her speaking into her hand alternating between spanish and "Oh god, it's good". I can see it as she starts to cum - her ass starts to twitch and she gets even tighter. I can feel every inch of my cock sliding in and out of her pussy as I cum inside her. I pull out a slimey, wet cock. She turns around and sits there momentarily to adjust her panties, then she gets up and goes for the bathroom again, leaving behind some cum on the couch. I pick up her phone to send myself the video of herself masturbating and I hear the words "Did you cum in me?" echoing out of the bathroom soon afterwards.
>>24404037
See you in space heaven robot, that's a piece of history I am proud to share with y'all
I'm glad I could be here for this.
So I just copied this whole thing out. Its 17k words and 54 pages. Professional authors dont write this fast.
http://pastebin.com/hcrhhHeF
>>24408808
that was quite the story
do you have any plans for the future, will you continue making neet nests all over the usa
>>24408808
This is without a doubt the best thing I've ever read. No movie, game or book made me feel everything this story made me feel. R.I.P nacho. Loved it
>>24408808
bravo op
r
a
v
o
o
p
>>24408808
Holy shit. Wow, thanks for that story dude. I don't care if its fake or not, you are truly fucked up but whatever you are you are good at telling stories and making things up if so.
Good luck OP we'll be with you forever
NEET Nest in community college would've been great
This was fucking great.
>>24408808
13/10
holy fuck
original comment fyukuyfg
fuck bro if this is real take care man
you've got the gift, the midas touch everything you go near dies or goes to shit
captcha was flowers for nacho
OP your mother's death, however unfortunate, is an omen.
It's time you went back to Wisconsin and visited original landlady. It's time to make up, and finally have that babby.
