>Some 12 years ago a work colleague pestered me to join up to an online dating service. The website I joined in 2003 or so is still going strong today, I've dropped in occasionally in the years since (when depressed), and my login still works!
>My best matches all like socialising, all have circles of friends, and many have young children now. There are pictures galore of them drinking through straws from buckets of drink, being in social gatherings of all kinds. All of them say their friends are important.
>There's no place for me in any of those worlds. If I tried to join those worlds, I'd be massively pretending and misrepresenting myself as a person, being dishonest, everything that the women are not looking for.
>If there's a woman out there with no social circle, who doesn't drink, who doesn't mind nurturing a creepy fellow through the weeks or months it'd take me to warm up to her, I'm definitely her man, but the circumstances in which such a woman and I might meet are so unlikely that I've pretty much given up on the whole idea.
>Many people reading this will be in a similar situation, which deepens the older you get. The older you get, the greater the degradation of the capacity to ever be normal.
>You should definitely always leave a small space open for a miracle that transforms everything, but we are talking a miracle-scale, i.e. reality-defying, sequence of events.
25+ thread, let's hear about your life oldbots!
>I'm living the future that many of you are dreading -- in my mid-40s; definitively estranged from all but one elderly, ailing family member; no friends or even friendly acquaintances; no prospects at all of romance thanks to the self-perpetuating condition of 'FA-ness' (which sets around you like concrete after a certain age).
>My consciousness of myself as a loser-failure has grown to epic proportions, but peaked on the despair side of the hill a few years ago. I crested that despair and the loser-failure thing amuses me now.
>In a film or book something always happens to rescue the doomed existential hero. That's the template of reality that we've all absorbed. I believe I'm waiting for something miraculous to happen.
>['Well make something happen!' the typical exasperated driveby poster might say at this point, being all pop-motivational and up-in-your-shit and shit, etc. LOL. Such commenters might just as well change their comment to: 'I haven't a clue what you guys are talking about.']
>Anyway, Plan Z is very simple: Instead of going to work one day, I just pack a bag with a few clothes, my lightest laptop, and a toothbrush. and hit the road without any kind of aim or destination, until I reach the End, whatever form that takes. I have enough savings to wander for quite a while from hotel room to hotel room. It's only in books and films that such adventures end in epiphany and redemption, but I know I'd want to try it.
I guess I'm the only one still left, huh? Well then.
31. I have come to the conclusion I do not belong in the world at this point in time. I think if I went back sometime between post WW2 to maybe being a teen in the 70s, I might have been able to hack it given my upbringing
But in the current era, at the current time, all things being what they are - I was not meant for this place. I was not meant for this life, and I have little desire to continue to fight that absurdity on a routine basis.
I fantasize about various forms of suicide on a routine basis. I no longer long so much for sex - just intimacy. Just someone to connect with and be honest with.
Even holding out the slighest hope in that regard continues to prove to be absurd to me.
30 years ago I would have been pretty well off. Would have had a wife and kids by now. Would have had a purpose.
Now - there is nothing. Not attractive enough to attract anyone. And the ever growing misery reciprocates to ensure I remain repulsive to anyone who dares to get close.
As my family begins to die off and I am the only one left, I am truly alone in this world.
Suicide reminds me it's one trigger pull away. One reach in the glove box. One reach over by the night stand and your pain can be over.
One day this tiny ember of hope is going to go out and there won't be anything left but ashes.
>2006 was literally 10 years ago
JUST
>>29347162
I was 15 then
I could have done things differently to prevent myself from being where I am now. But just looking at myself realistically there was no way that was going to happen. I guess it was meant to end up this way
30 years old here. Am I the only one who is sorta fine with being alone. I know any relationship would eventually crash and burn... So why waste my time and money?
>>29347254
Same here.
I'm autistic and clinically retarded, so it's been game over from the beginning. I hope this ride ends soon desu fampai
38. The last three full years have been dedicated nonstop to me finding employment so I could have a stable financial future that will not include homelessness or being abused in a group home. Fully utilized the California Department of Rehabilitation's Blind Field Services who are, according to their website, supposed to provide Job Placement and Job Retention Services.
My caseworker, a stuttering retarded Armo diversity hire, did nothing but sit at his desk with one thumb in his mouth and the other stuck up his ass, sending out e-mails to indeed.com and monster.com and other job search websites that literally anyone else could use without their help. The fact that no one wants to help me get -- or hire me for -- a job only proves that I am a worthless disabled retarded loser who needs to kill itself.
Will be visiting family next month. The best thing I can do is set an example for my nieces and nephews that us disabled men are worthless by acting as helpless and obnoxious as possible, crop-dusting my farts all over the place and dribbling piss in my pants. This way, they'll grow up to view other disabled men like me: An embarrassing social liability that needs to be ignored and locked away from society for the rest of its life. Should probably find that old German math homework from the Final Solution days where you have to figure out how much it costs to care for a family member who is a useless eater, heh. :)
>>29347316
I was a cyborg for years. It was really stressful and didn't get me shit. Now, I'm in my 20s, mooching off my family while I save for a comfy home. After that, I can just take it easy.
>>29345857
Have you tried being at least 8/10, 9/10 on a good day?
Pic related.>>29345857
>>29347805
Can you stop posting your retarded face please?
I'm tired of seeing your face literally in every thread.
>>29347316
I'm pretty fine being alone to be honest but just terrified of growing old and infirm with nobody to turn to for assistance. The fear keeps me up at night. Women can't be trusted - they'll all leave you eventually. But the thought of never having a child, or any family at all once my parents die, that's hard.
Living for yourself just gets old after awhile, I can only replay Fallout games so many times before the anxiety sets in that I'm really only just waiting to die.
>>29345857
I always love these threads. You get more insightful and interesting posts. But they never do well, as most posters here on r9k only respond to bait threads.
I think these threads are the only ones where true robots chat to one another. It's quite sad really.
>26/m with over-protective single mother syndrome
>single single 07
>loniness slowly turning into rage
>rage gives me a headache and makes my mouth hurt
>have to sleep an hour to take pain away
>wake up and light blinds me
>sit on me bed and loniness kicks in
depression does not stay with you - only visits
>>29345857
29 weeks.
I keep crying but mum won't reveal her tit for me to suck on. Don't know if I'm gonna make it.
>>29347990
>going to try dating again
>find dating app and hit install
>tfw not enough storage on phone
just let today be over with.
>>29347970
This. And Misaki Friday threads are very good too.
>tfw still no Misaky Friday thread
>>29347493
Oh hey, I remember you from /r/FA before it was taken over by SJW retards.
26 here, turning 27 this year.
My life is dull and uneventful, got laidoff last month but im doing okay because my cost of living is low, i had Savings, and im on unemployment right now.
Not worried about it.
When i was working i was miserable because of my commute.
>up at 3am to drive an hour + to work
>sleep maybe 1/2 hour before work
>work at 630am to 3pm
>3+ hours of sitting in rush-hour traffic everyday
>sleep at 8pm
>rinse and repeat M-F with some Saturdays thrown in
When i work i make good money but im spending 600 a month on gas, 130 a month on bridge tolls, not to mention the upkeep of my commuter car and food.
Driving to work is the biggest stress factor in my life, im about ready to sell most of my shit and live out of my truck.
Im overweight and planned on working out everyday but so far i havent done anything.
Im living at my dads house right now helping him fix things and helping him with bills since hes retired now and just kindve worn down.
No idea what i want to do with my life still, thanks for letting me vent a little bit you guys.
>>29347322
What is your (professionally assigned) IQ? I'm autistic and had one administered during a psych eval when I was 18 and got 115, yours can't possibly be abysmally lower
>28 my life went to shit three years ago
>i got into a car accident friends moved on.
>now i go to rehab and the gym two times a week
>i don't think the gym is really working
>me being cripple from the car accident i don't think i can find a girl
so i was looking for a room on craigslist recently. 95% of the posts from people around my age(~30) want their roommate to also be their friend - drink beer, watch sports, be social. i just want to sit in my room and do my own thing
not being social/outgoing/mild alcoholic is just completely unacceptable to people.
got a room from a 50 year old dude that doesn't give a shit what i do. its comfy
oh and you guys should really just accept the life of solitude. the more you yearn for an incredibly improbable future the unhappier you'll be
>25 khv no friend or education past highschool
>minimum wagecuck
>never leave my house except to go to work
>live with parents
>conversation killer
>self conscious even online even though im not ugly
>ISTP
>>29348362
>oh and you guys should really just accept the life of solitude. the more you yearn for an incredibly improbable future the unhappier you'll be
this, i stopped caring a long time ago
sometimes i think about what it would be like and if i should give change a thought
but its just effort for something that doesnt bother me one bit
>tfw look vaguely sad all the time
>tfw dead eyes
>tfw creep people out within seconds of talking
>tfw can only manage basic greetings before convo dies
>tfw stuck in a rut
>tfw don't know what to do
I'm so depressing of a human being I belong in like a graveyard or something, just watching the graves so no one bothers the dead.
>>29348362
>95% of the posts from people around my age(~30) want their roommate to also be their friend - drink beer, watch sports, be social
I would love that, too bad the whole roommate culture doesn't exist in my country past college age.
>turned 26 last month
Fuck I feel ill every single day.
Turning 26 in a few days, living with parents, work whenever I need to buy new hardware.
Spend all my days closed in my room playing around with computers, I enjoy my life.
>shut in
>all hobbies involve using hands
>developed carpal tunnel over last few months
>still in 20s
I swear I did something awful in a past life.
25. Passed an important exam today.
Still aiming to be a wizard and well on that path, quite happy reading manga and listening to music without doing much else. No regrets, everything is alright.
>>29347970
It's comfy to lurk this thread. I'm still a year too young to post about my situation but I like the fact that many different people are posting here. You have totally isolated neets, awkward good guys trying, fallen normies, psych ward vets, very old robots, druggies and hobos, dudes who found peace, others who are waiting for death... Just chilling here and contributing.
40 year old here. Fallen Wizard, and what a fall! Catapulted from NEETism into middle age in a few months.
Happier as Wizard, since I look younger I was hanging out with people in their 20's. Now depressed for not having a nice girl in my bed during the weekends and searching for motivation to continue my career
>>29349980
>40 year old here. Fallen Wizard, and what a fall! Catapulted from NEETism into middle age in a few months.
How?
It's getting tough
I use to love being in my room, drinking beer or whisky, browsing the internet (mostly YouTube and 4chan), playing video games, drawing, listening to music, etc way more than hanging out with friends back in my late teens. I would actually think about going home and doing this while I am out drinking with friends talking about girls and stupid shit, it just felt tedious and not as enjoyable even though my one and only close friend during that time was a great understanding friend. Once he moved away and my family moved back to japan, that is when I really indulged in a hikkomori type lifestyle. It felt like I had a lot of time on my hands but I got carried away. After getting into the workforce and being in it for six years, all the love I've had for those "hobbies" is zapped out of me, I no longer drink or find these things interesting, I don't find mostly anything enjoyable anymore, my life is very mundane so people I meet in public can't relate or understand where I come from. I am a robot grudging through life and I am miserable, spiteful, pessimistic, sick. I feel like my time is limited and I have to start doing meaningful things now, problem is I am so late into the game and the energy I had when I was younger is no longer there, it all seems futile. Maybe there is hope if I take the hard pill and push myself relentlessly, but I am at the point where I feel like the effort put in will bear very little fruit. I use to be a very happy child with no bullying with many friends ( and 4 very close friends) with a funny dad, loving mother, and wonderful sister taking 30,000 dollar vacations every year and an incredible aspiration for math and art.
>>29349980
Was being a neet the cause of your wizardhood?
>>29349980
It's good that you had a good fall. My falling from wizardry was absolute shit and I cry whenever I think about it. Just the worst sex imaginable with a girl who smelled like shit and had rotting teeth. I wanted to get it over with. And the worst part was it wasn't even a prostitute just some crazy cumdumpster from 4chan.
>just lower your standards man, just settle
This shit was a meme. I'm still a fucking robot so I will never have a gf or a normal relationship or normal positive sexual intercourse. Just kill me.
31 here. Can't believe the year is half over, it feels like my birthday was just yesterday, even though it was six fucking months ago. I live with my parents, had a bit of money, and drank myself into oblivion for a week straight afterwards. Ended up in psych after telling my dad I was going to kill him and then myself so mom could have a better, easier life without two bumbling fucktard apes dragging her down.
Every day since my release it's just been getting worse and worse. It was bad before, being severely depressed ever since I was a child, one of my earliest memories being that my dad got hammered one night, loaded up his rifle and took aim at me'n mom, chasing us out of the house for some reason. I knew then my life was worthless if my own dad hated my goddamn guts for merely existing. While my mom was in labor with me, he was off getting plowed at some bar. When mom had my unborn brother removed(tubular pregnancy) and sat for a week in the hospital with staples, he didn't visit her once, just got hammered. Now that he's been sober for a few years he just pretends none of this ever happened and he's been the best dad ever.
Every day since dad chased us out of the house with that loaded rifle(I was maybe 2-3 at the time) I've wanted to die, to stop existing, to make the pain go away. We're poor, always have been, I feel as if i've never been anything but a burden on my parents even when I had a job. Had a disability hearing some years ago, the 'vocational expert' told the judge point blank with my medical history and frequent hospitalizations I would never be able to find a job, and was denied. I can't get hired anywhere, not even a McDonalds, who hire fucking felons and child molesters. I'm worse than a child molester on the bottom rung of the work force. I can't get help because I'm a single white male(seriously my social worker's exact words.)
I don't know what to do anymore.
>>29351062
Been seeing a therapist recently, but she quit to go help other failures, dropped me in the lap of someone else who doesn't understand what it means to be so fucking useless and depressed you contemplate sucking off the barrel of a handgun until it ejaculates hot lead into the back of your fucking skull. How every waking minute my mind is flooded with thoughts of killing myself and how I'm just sort of waiting to die.
Diagnosed with type 1 diabetes about a decade ago, can't feel anything below my knees, and everything above it feels like i've been set on fire. I've been set on fire before so I know how it feels, and that's the best way I can describe it. My brain pounds against my skull like it's trying to escape through my eyeballs, that particular pain has been going on for around 8 years now, and every time I bring it up with my doctor he gives me this fucking look. Just this fucking skeptical, disbelieving look that says he thinks i'm full of shit and just trying to scam him into writing me pain med scripts.
I dread going anywhere, I dread leaving the house, I can barely fucking function even when I've got a gut full of klonopin and gabapentine. any time I leave the house i have to piss before i leave else I'll probably piss or leak all over myself since this anxiety shit is bad and only getting worse as I get older. It feels like everyone knows i'm a failurefuck just by looking at me. I'm still wearing the same clothes I had back in fucking middle school because we were and still are, too poor to even shop at wal-mart. No vehicle, my license expired. Every day is just another test in misery, like it's some cruel prank being played on me to see how long I can take it before I give a shotgun the glory hole treatment.
32. I teach classes at a college and try to blend in like I'm in my early 20s, but I'm bald as fuck and feel like a creep. The only girls I interact with are my students. I get the sense one of them gets a crush on me every now and then but there's no way I could do anything about it without risking my job. It's probably my mind playing tricks on me anyway.
>>29351062
>Can't believe the year is half over,
I can't believe it's not 2010 anymore, that was the last year I was supposed to have as a deadline to fix my life.
>>29351204
Do you have a hottness rating on ratemyprofessor? That's how you really know if you're attractive.
>>29351239
>graduate in 2010
>whenever I here a year after that like 2013 or something I think it's recent even though people say that was a long time ago
>>29345857
You should work on fixing yourself instead of expecting some poor woman to do it.
>>29351259
Nah, I checked. I'm not a professor anyway just an instructor. In normal life I'm not hot at all, but I think being the authority figure boosts you in women's minds. I wish it was the 60's and I could take a chance on that.
>>29351239
>I can't believe it's not 2010 anymore
>not 2010
Shit I can't believe it's not 2006 anymore. I'm stuck in a timewarp send help please.
26, I stopped trying 3 years ago and I'm not sure why. Well I have a pretty good idea, but looking back on it, it's pretty fucking stupid why and now I have to deal with the consequences.
turned 25 in march and almost immediately I started feeling old and having financial thoughts non stop.
Of course, I am a NEET and live with my parents.
It hasn't always been like this, I've lived elsewhere on and off, but I always come back here because I suck at financial management. Just now I am realizing this of course, and I still don't know what I'd do that would make me financially stable.
Ever since I was 16 I've worked on the streets, doing my own thing. But some of this stuff has gotten old and besides I've been focusing on trying to git gud at computer stuff in hopes of getting a career in system administration.
I don't have a college education though, and as I already said, no professional experience. As we all know, entry level jobs require you to have 40 years using apache and 88 years with .Net, 333 years with rails, and be using solaris+hp/ux+aix+open/free/netBSD+red hat+debian+windogns NT since 1883.
Also I've heard that once you reach 30 you're way too old for the job market
So I'm still figuring out what I'm going to do. Learning what I can, looking out to moving out to the nearest city soon (I've never lived there) with a budget, and start some project (don't know what yet), and send my CV to companies all over. And try to survive.
well, that's me.
>>29351745
oh yeah if that fails I'm just going to backpack through south america and hope I die somewhere on the road
26. After being unemployed for 6 months (recruiters told me that despite my technical skills, employers wanted someone more extroverted) I started a new job last week. It's temp work, long hours and low pay, but it's either this or living in my grandmother's basement.
The work itself at least is relaxing- simple bank reconciliations and spreadsheet manipulation. I don't have to make phone calls or talk to anybody but my coworkers. Unfortunately, so far I've been given little work to do. In the hours I spend sitting at my desk staring into space, I think constantly of my fat face, my social awkwardness and isolation, tfw no gf, and suicide.
Entering and leaving work are the worst tortures of the day. I work near the top floor, and the interiors of the elevator are mirrored. Seeing my face in a mirrored surface is bad enough already. It's a long ride to spend looking at my full misshapen body.
>>29351697
I was in that place when I was 26, but I started trying again when I was 27. I'm still a fucking loser, but I moved out of my mom's basement at least and got a job. Had a gf for a few months at one point. You aren't so old.
>>29351745
>I don't have a college education though, and as I already said, no professional experience. As we all know, entry level jobs require you to have 40 years using apache and 88 years with .Net, 333 years with rails, and be using solaris+hp/ux+aix+open/free/netBSD+red hat+debian+windogns NT since 1883.
>Also I've heard that once you reach 30 you're way too old for the job market
Yeah my mom keeps telling me to go to this computer science course and that IT course etc. and she just doesn't get I'm too old for that shit now. I wish I wasn't, but yeah. Shit sucks.
I also want adderall, I fucking mean it. It would give me a boost if only for a while. Turbo mode, you know.
But I don't have the monies to go to a shrink and I'm not even sure I have ADD or that he'll indulge in giving me adderall anyways. And I don't know where to get it on the black market.
People here (at least people I usually get to know) only know of weed and sometimes LSD
>>29351204
do you teach at a community college? do you also have a real estate company? do you teach philosophy? If so I think you were my teacher, some cute latina girl brought you a burrito. I hope you realize she wanted to fuck your brains out
>>29351777
>26. After being unemployed for 6
>tfw 26 and no real employment ever
>just odd jobs
This thread is really sad, I've dealt with depression and anxiety and I'm on meds for it and shit, but I wonder how some of you have avoided killing yourselves this long, you're on a whole different level. I'm really sorry shit went so far south for you guys, most of you probably didn't deserve such a bad hand in life. I hope some of you can find a way to be happy despite it all, some of you sound like you have a truly tortured existence and you have my sympathies.
>>29352072
No sorry there's lots of us out there. I had a cute vietnamese girl bring me spring rolls though.
You realize you'll have to take up a notch higher than burritos though. We're bombarded by emails everyday day about sexual harassment and professors losing their jobs and being ostracized etc. I don't know how it would work unless the girl takes the initiative.
>>29349835
>Still aiming to be a wizard and well on that path
I certainly hope you're joking or, failing that, you're expressing resignation to a grim fate.
The life of a wizard is not something to aspire to, trust me. It's a nasty, brutal, ugly way to live...and it grows worse with each passing year.
Consider the image I've posted, one of the many depicting the progress of the virgin. You'll notice that with each iteration, the virgin in question becomes more corrupt, more evil. Although meant as a joke, these images speak to a very sad truth. As he grows older, the adult male virgin becomes less human. The images don't show the virgin ascending, becoming more beautiful or divine as he continues on his path. In even the earliest of these images, the 30 year old virgin isn't wearing white robes, isn't glowing with light. His vestments are black, his face obscured, his staff adorned with the symbol of chaos.
The final incarnation in the image I've posted is Cthulhu, something utterly divorced from Nature. The caption beneath it is visual glossolalia, it signifies a language that no human speaks. Cthulhu is a god, to be sure, but a radically alien one. And, as such, one that is unthinkably lonely...the solitary god of the void.
Take my word for it, there is no magic to be found in the wizard life. And if there was, I can assure you it would be black.
>>29352109
Is working going to make you feel better? I'm 10x more depressed now than when I was unemployed. Maybe you inagine that if you had a job it would make you feel like less of a loser, make women more attracted to you, whatever your problem is, you think having a job will fix it.
If you're able to get by without having to work, good for you, bro.
I'm 34 and have accepted the fact that women of my race only desire black men nowadays. I honestly love jerking off to BBC porn and my only hobby is collecting said porn.
>>29352243
Do you by any chance teach computer science? Because I have had some extremely cute potentially wizard CS professors. I agree with you on the authority part. I would not have found these professors attractive unless I was stuck in a room with them twice a week for a semester.
>>29352388
Nah physics. It's nice to hear this is common with women, maybe it's not my mind playing tricks on me.
>>29352272
>>29352272
I will conquer this world and purge all normies with my unimaginable powers seen in pic related. Prepare yourselves true wizards we will rule this world.
>>29352459
It's not youphysics professors are the most attractive professors
>>29351815
Thanks for the motivation.
>>29352520
>I will conquer this world and purge all normies with my unimaginable powers seen in pic related. Prepare yourselves true wizards we will rule this world.
That's a nice fantasy, I suppose. And I understand why wizards and their apprentices indulge in it so much; it is the product of a life lived in isolation. Of course, when all is said and done, it's horribly empty. We experience all of our dreams alone, and our daydreams are no exception.
But let's be honest, an old wizard speaking to an apprentice. Christ said the meek will inherit the Earth. Well, that may be so. But the wizard will inherit nothing except for Hell. Which makes sense. To each man and monster what he deserves.
"Suffer not a witch to live". What a gratuitous commandment. There's no reason for men to condemn a wizard. Nature has already done so.
>>29352871
Well I might have a good chance to be a successful wizard. I have always been alone throughout my life while my family I rarely talk to was my only socialization. I enjoy being by myself and I have no thoughts of getting out of the KV stage. It seems people who value a social life and a gf are the ones who suffer the most.
Wish me luck.
>>29352871
>>29352926
Why not become an actual wizard? I mean, just get into some esoteric Crowley bullshit, read Tarot or do horoscopes or some kind of occult "life advice" thing? You can do it as an actual profession and wear a robe and everything.
>>29350521
>30,000 dollar vacations
That could have helped you in so many different ways. Or, probably not...
I wish I had 3k right now.
This thread is fucking nightmare fuel.
>26
>never had a job
>been depressed for over a decade
>diagnosed schizoaffective last year
>no energy or motivation to do anything at all
>still live with mother who is in terrible health
>relatively good looking, had gfs in the past but they are not worth the effort
I don't do anything but browse r9k, sleep, and lay down watching netflix, films, and anime. Two years ago I got an incredible urge to kill myself that ended with myself in a psych ward. I don't see myself continuing on this journey much longer. The passions and joy I used to feel have left and show no signs of returning.
>>29353246
just b urself and it will all work itself out in the end bro
>>29353352
Hey, I wrote all that!
>>29353352
I can relate to a lot of this.
>>29353352
>mfw I'm 22 but 30mostlyfits me to a tee
Fug
>>29351745
>Also I've heard that once you reach 30 you're way too old for the job market
This isn't necessarily true, but the thing that terrifies me is the prospect of being 'underneath' someone significantly younger than me, and increasing as a male in my 30's the odds are i'll be 'under' a female, because women completely dominate all jobs that are worth having. Pretty demoralising shit.
>>29352459
How does someone with at least a masters become a wizard? Alsoplease marry me senpai
>>29353930
>This isn't necessarily true, but the thing that terrifies me is the prospect of being 'underneath' someone significantly younger than me, and increasing as a male in my 30's the odds are i'll be 'under' a female, because women completely dominate all jobs that are worth having. Pretty demoralising shit.
If you're in any kind of an office job, IT or anything else, your immediate boss will be female, and your HR will be female. Good luck with that.
>>29345857
Wow you are a retard, women form heriarchys often putting the heriarchy over family, lover and their own kids because they know their friends will take care of her.
If all you wanted was a wife you should have stepped up your game, they kind of make it pretty obvious what they want, if you chose another life do t complain
>24
>no one will hire me
>don't even want a job but require one so my parents can retire
End my life. NO ONE will hire me. Shouldn't have fucking bothered with university, waste of five goddamn years. I can't even get a job at supermarkets or the like. Nowhere even responds.
>>29354106
I know, and literally 90%+ of the jobs I apply for in those settings even the person who assesses you is a woman, it's pretty hopeless.
That's why I'd suggest any young NEET males try to get as qualified as possible in something meaningful, because it's possible you'll be facing this shit, and if you're an unattractive beta - these women will actually take a thrill in rejecting your application.
>>29346969
Such is the weight the simple people carry, unable to handle the responsabilitys of making their own choices
>>29354155
>if you're an unattractive beta - these women will actually take a thrill in rejecting your application.
Pretty much. Also, if you get hired by a dude, you'll actually get sabotaged at every step by the women who work with you, even if you're the best worker in the company, they will constantly badmouth you and tell everyone how shit you are at the job. Seen it with a guy I knew way back, they pretty much held him at the same position for years while they were advancing, and when the company got new management, they just told the new guys he's the worst and he got fired.
>25
>stop going to college classes because I'd rather watch anime
>fail class after class
>quit job at movie theater to 'become a writer'
>that worked out really well am now millionaire...yeah
>every day I dreaded my mom coming home
>her fake singsong voice
>I didn't like her touching or kissing me
>she'd do it anyways
>too literally autistic to tell her to stop doing that, just pulled away
>she signed me out of anti-autism classes as a kid
>demonized my dad
>dad gets back into life, takes me to job finder person
>"no wait this is therapy'
>do it anyways
>slowly unfurl the twisted mass that is my mind
>shit starts to bother me less and less
>start looking for options since I cannot into job right then
>get on disability after three years
>get into group home type living program
>hot case manager, she's an intern but I fall hard
>know that I'm totally making her out to be some perfect being, don't fall for the oneitis meme even in my deluded state
>this keeps me strong
>roomed with guy who helps me talk, I grow as a person
>move out into own apartment via lottery section 8 thingie
>its great
>anxiety about landlord shit, but I do alright
>end up destroying the floor and mattress by pissing on it so much
>end up paying him back though
>felt great living alone, got a 4 hour a week job just to feel like I can do something other than post on 4chan
>moot revives /r9k/
>then health problems from pigging out on fast food and shit
>pancreatitis, supposed to get it from alcohol and such
>basically drive myself to ER, enjoy all the attention from nurses and get really into the pain drugs they give me
>so much that I get excited to go back to the hospital when I get the horrible pain again
>its like a vacation for me
>all this progress, all this hatred and pain gone and for what?
>after some bad visits where I overdid it on the lying to stay in the hospital and got put on a food tube start thinking this is a bad idea
>end up in there again
cont. for muh blogshit
>>29353002
>Why not become an actual wizard? I mean, just get into some esoteric Crowley bullshit
Well, you said it yourself, didn't you? It's bullshit. It's nonsense, fantasy and dream. And as is the case for all dreams, the longer you sleep, the more grotesque and nightmarish they become. After awhile, the dreamer becomes desperate to wake up. Take it from someone who is given to fits of sleep paralysis: if the dreams are terrible enough, they follow you wherever you may go.
So no fantasy, no daydreams, no delusions. If I'm to be a monster, I'll suffer as one and do so authentically. Nature can rob a wizard of his humanity, to be sure. But not even She can steal someone's dignity. Lucifer, after being cast from Heaven, was disgraced, disfigured, and alienated from everything good. And yet he remained faithful to himself and his kin, even if that fidelity provided nothing but pain. Not that his choice was a morally superior one; it's just that it was the only thing like goodness that remained to him. His dignity was an act of desperation.
The wizard's dignity is no different. It's not better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven. But if even serving in Heaven is an impossibility, one does what one must to make Hell bearable. After all, the wizard has to have some reason to wake up in the morning, especially when all of his dreams are nightmares.
>>29354410
>>Well, you said it yourself, didn't you? It's bullshit. It's nonsense, fantasy and dream.
So is being a stock broker or an advertising executive.
Btw, lighten up retard, I have SP 5-6 times per month, and you don't see me being a whiny dramatic tripfaggot.
>28ish by the time I get deep into this btw
>blowing my disability on sugary shit, no savings, just paying bills then buying sugar filled foods like 2 quarts ice cream full fast food menu etc etc. and then going to a food pantry to survive for the rest of the month on spaghetti and bread
>in hospital they try to put a food tube down my nose while I'm awake this time
>wellwhatevernigger.png
>suddenly, I freak the fuck out and pull it out
>hear the nurse say 'oh you shouldn't have done that'
>feel totally out of control
>I'm screeching like a monkey
>my voice in my mind is literally asking me what the fuck am I doing
>I just have zero control
>feel like I'm fine, nurse thinks I'm going to run or something but I'm not freaking out at all inside, just outside
>hours tick by
>start getting a certain feeling like a fire in my veins
>don't understand what the fuck is going on
>anxiety out the ass
>feel like a can't think about anything but what just happened
>end up discharged but come back two days later for anxiety because I can't sleep on every second is like my mind is burning
>doesn't make sense
>xanax enters my life
>I begin to fucking worship this shit
>get up to 3mg a day, then slowly wean myself off of it but keep it 'in case I need it"
>so scared of going to hospital again I eat better..
>for a little
>then after the next hospital visit I start taking shit seriously.. a little
>don't end up in the hospital for months, still in therapy
>suddenly tongue swells up to almost die levels
>ICU
>"oh anon we gotta do the nose thing"
>oh fuck you
>they do it
>I requested atavan though so I didn't give a fuck
>willed myself to stay perfectly still because I figured that the thing about to happen next would be far worse if I didn't
>nose digging
>hey wait, why did this bother me so much last time?
>still screaming monkey like in my mind
>put me on steroids
>whole mindset changes
>get really active about my life and shit, feel a peace I haven't before
cont
Be grill that has BF however, I dont have no job, driver licences, or friends nor close family. My bf and I are both 25+. I was a neet before I met my bf and now trying to be a normie. I have no clue on how to make girl friends. I smoke a little weed, love anime, Carl Jung psychoanalytics and trying to get into back into cosplay. I don't think, I wanthink to get back into video games because, I really want to meet my friends in person. Aread there other grills in that moved to a new place trying to make friends?
>>29354603
>It happens again
>oh yeah anon this shit can happen again
>here that nose thing multiple times it case you didn't have enough
>freak out a little one time
>then I just felt like I got used to it
>it's just a little itching in the nose, so what?
>feel calm
>get out of hospital on steroids for the 2nd time
>tapering dose
>when I'm off them I feel like life is pure boredom
>force myself to watch anime
>spend the majority of the day posting and daydreaming
>still walking though
>still overeating, but less shit
I just felt like typing that all out after reading your guys shit. I think I've really got it good sometimes because although I was and am depressed, worried about women, anxious, lonely, worried about money, wanting to finally do something productive with my life, that there are some periods of time where that all falls away and I genuinely give no fucks. Its like all the prattle I see on 4chan just turn to pointless prattle, all feelings of hurt and pain are temporary and meaningless, and all that left are the good things and peace.
Its those moments that I'm glad I can feel and its why I'm still alive. I feel like in two years at this rate when I get my wizard powers I will finally be able to ascend beyond reality, so I'm training hard until then.
One thing that bothers me and always has about /r9k/ is how worried they are about women. I was too, until I studied how they work and how people good with then function. I don't mean PUA shit, I mean real 'game' and confidence, taking control of a relationship, being a credible man etc. Once I realized it was just a matter of work and sticking to your boundaries I stopped worrying so much about it. Personally, I CAN talk with people quite well thanks to therapy but it bores me and afterward I feel like I gained nothing from it. I hope you guys have better luck in the future for your lives. As I get older, it seems to me that it really all is just a luck thing, even when people put in effort.
>>29354410
No dude thats a warlock. Warlocks delude themselves and engage in the emo magicks, but usually they are faggots into cutting and shit.
Wizards are the ones who reality just doesn't exist anymore. They didn't CHOOSE fantasy. They became it. You are a Wizard when/IF you go outside you think you've entered another dimension and you marvel at the creations of this strange alien world. Real women just look like eldritch monsters and inevitably you seek passage to your tower with great egress.
>>29352322
Have you taken any black cock yourself?
>>29354124
EXACT SAME FUCKING POSITION
>>29354910
>No dude thats a warlock. Warlocks delude themselves and engage in the emo magicks, but usually they are faggots into cutting and shit
Well, leaving aside faggots who are given to cutting themselves for the moment, let's keep in mind that when we're talking about wizards and all of the rest, we're speaking in meme and metaphor. It's an entertaining way of discussing a very serious topic. But let's not lose the sight of the forest for the trees. The moment you begin to dispute the particulars of a myth is the moment it ceases pointing to anything like reality and, in the process, loses its value. We wouldn't want to be like this fellow here >>29354484 who reads a casual line about sleep paralysis and assumes it's the substance of the entire point, right?
>Wizards are the ones who reality just doesn't exist anymore. They didn't CHOOSE fantasy. They became it. You are a Wizard when/IF you go outside you think you've entered another dimension and you marvel at the creations of this strange alien world. Real women just look like eldritch monsters
The problem with this sort of sentiment is that it simply doesn't reflect reality, even poetically. It's a nice idea, but it really isn't representative of the experience of a "wizard". Because, let's be honest, the wizard doesn't view women as eldritch horrors. Women view the wizard as an eldritch horror, which is why he's a wizard in the first place. No man signs a contract with the devil unless the Spirit of Nature has rejected him and he has no other option. Such pacts are redundant; the wizard belongs to the devil by default.
So, let's not quibble about "wizard" versus "warlock". We're discussing the struggles of the men that Nature hates. By your description, the wizard deludes himself in order to ease his pain while the warlock acknowledges that pain. Well, if that's the distinction we're making, I'll accept the title of "warlock". If I'm going to be damned, I'd prefer to damned honestly.
>>29350264
> How?
I moved to another country.
>>29350620
Yes and no. I was a Wizard for many reasons: introverted, not physically impressive for women, low social skills, emotionally inmature and thus easy to manipulate... not having a good job was the last of many issues.
>>29350782
I didn't want to do that and maybe I lost my V too late. Better hiring an escort
In my case it was a nice lesbian girl. She wanted to try men again. Of course, she is probably back with girls after that shitty sex.
I am still infatuated by girls in their 20, not mature enough for a relationship and depressed for not having a partner. It is true you feel like a Wizard, I was someone especial, now I am just a depressed lone guy in their 40's, like so many others
>>29355767
>We wouldn't want to be like this fellow here >>29354484who reads a casual line about sleep paralysis and assumes it's the substance of the entire point, right?
You'd do good to be like me, cutting straight to the point instead of writing tomes of meandering purple excrement.
Btw, you didn't get my post apparently. Try rereading a few times.
>>29355796
>I moved to another country.
How? Details please.
>>29355796
Are you from the US?
>I was someone especial
What made you special?
>>29355822
I got hired in a Nordic country, the clay of the introverts.
>>29355885
No, I am not from the US. I cannot sleep right now. Too much light.
As a Wizard I had the idea that I still had many things to live, a romantic idea of relationships, friendship, even work, probably due to hanging around younger people. Now I realized sex is just manipulation, that people never change, that in work it prevails the social networks... that at my age it is expected from me to accept and play those cards.
Before, I was a 20 yo in mind but with experience in some fields of a 35 yo
>>29356449
>As a Wizard I had the idea that I still had many things to live, a romantic idea of relationships, friendship, even work, probably due to hanging around younger people. Now I realized sex is just manipulation, that people never change, that in work it prevails the social networks... that at my age it is expected from me to accept and play those cards.
I get your frustration. It seems like a nasty thing, doesn't it? Social interaction as a game, no true, selfless, unconditional love. It's tempting to reject something that appears so harsh, so unkind.
And yet, that's the nature of the human experience. That's the social contract we all sign with the first breath we take. Human beings use each other; it's the foundation of society itself. Unconditional love might seem like an nice idea, but it's self-contradictory. No one loves without any reason, no one wants something they have no need for. Even the Christians acknowledge that their God, who is supposed to be love in its purest form, makes some demands upon those who claim to love him. Not even our myths are exempt from our recognition of reality as it actually is.
Being a part of society is seeing the game for what it is and playing anyway. Yes, there will be some who lose. And some of the losers will do so catastrophically. As one such loser, I can attest to that.
But really, what's the alternative? To retreat with your cards and build a private little world where your every hand is a winning one?
There's something to be said for losing authentically. Sure, it's painful. But it's a pain that has some foundation in the world as it actually is, something that is infinitely more real than the counterfeit joy of "winning" when you haven't actually won anything at all.
The hour is late, I'm broke, and the house always wins.
Ante up.
>>29357419
lol fagot xd
>>29356449
>As a Wizard I had the idea that I still had many things to live, a romantic idea of relationships, friendship, even work, probably due to hanging around younger people. Now I realized sex is just manipulation, that people never change, that in work it prevails the social networks... that at my age it is expected from me to accept and play those cards.
That's called depression, have you tried going to a doctor?
