Who else /goinginsane/ here?
Im extremly lonely, nobody aknowleges that i exist, no friends, no gf, no family, living in my studio in a huge city surounded by milions of people, leaving the house everyday to take walks in the park hoping that maybe someone will talk to me, im too shy to engage in conversation so i ussualy stay on a bench watching the lake and the people, yet nobody ever comes to talk to me, i think i have really dead inexpressive eyes and i look like a weirdo since im not ugly, im dressing well and im overall very carefull about my looks, im doing this for years, around 4 years to be exact.
Lately im starting to realize that my mental health is going to shit from the isolation, im pretty sure already that im a legit autist as you might have figured from what i typed above, but lately im catching myself talking to myself loud in the house, i have really weird mood changes meaning that i might start crying or laughing from nothing all of a sudden and it just doesent seem like i can control it very much.
Seriously thinking about killing myself since i dont wanna end up some homeless retard talking alone in the bus.
Whats going on with you robots?
Should you even realize you go insane?
They say crazy people never know they are crazy, yet im pretty sure i am and im getting worse
Bump
Pollock's paintings are as original as my comments
Im starting to really like picasso's blue period
>>29303389
I'm feeling pretty crazy. Awful things have finally passed for me, yet it feels like none of it ever happened as I'm at the "happy fucking end." I've gotten so accustomed to feeling like shit that not feeling like shit is awful. Living without feeling like shit just isn't satisfaction. Where you can't eat out, except once a month. Where you can't buy anything, play any games, and you're on the edge of losing everything you've ever owned. I'm past that yet I miss it. Wish I could restart my life so I can fix all my mistakes, my accidents, my choices, who I am today. I never thought of the future until now. I never tried in school. I never was the best I could be. You must always try your best, or everything you're doing is a waste of time. Here I am, at the gate where people want to be, but I just want to jump back into the hell of before.
>>29303953
People find comfort in feeling like shit, maybe if we didnt feel like shit our lifes are too vapid to feel anything at all and have no purpouse to live really, especially in the 21st century where we are deprived by pretty much all human joy in favour of comfort, safety and a possibility that VR might replace the hell you go through to make human contact.
I was raised and molded by vidya so i can relate to the concept of a restart button of life, but also it got me into beliving in the Quit button unfortunately, who knows maybe if we jump to our death we might respawn at the last checkpoint and have time in another life to improve ourselves, our choices, our results.
>>29303389
I'm in the process of tulpa creation in order to aid in dispelling my self induced loneliness.
I'm quite certain the process is pretty much a way to delude yourself and eventually hallucinate but it's a tad better than my current situation.
>>29304339
Googled what a 'tulpa' is really quick, seems like some sort of imaginary friend but in buddhist philosophy or something along those lines, il make sure to read more about it.
But if it is in essence what i understand wouldnt that isolate you more from people by allways having only the voice in your head to talk to?
Did you give up on trying to have human relationships or you try to substitute them with basically yourself?
Also wont this actually fuck your brain big time in the long run?
Didnt get to read too much about it, sorry if i sound way to ignorant
>>29303389
I feel you OP my long periods of isolation have absolutely wrecked my sanity.
At first i was just getting more and more depressed. Now i'm at the point where i just laugh spontaneously for no reason at all. I have conversations with myself frequently and just feel generally detached from people now.
I used to be pretty empathetic but everyone just looks foreign to me now like i'm not a human but rather something just watching them.
I've started to embrace it though. It's a good feeling.
Going deeper down the rabbit hole seeing how far I can go before I become completely lost.
Bump. This thread is interesting. Better than trash on the front page right now.
Keeping this thread alive. Want to see if robots can share.
What city OP? I'll grab a drink and discuss feels with you if you're in LA.
>>29306698
Not OP but Orlando reporting in.
OP you just described my life pretty much... I've been trying to muster up the courage to talk to people and you should too
But whenever I do talk to people it's so draining, people are only looking out for themselves. They don't listen, they just wait for their turn to speak
I also feel like I've been getting worse over the years of isolation. Dreams blur into reality and I can't remember if things have happened of I just imagined them happening. I always talked to myself, so nothing new there.
I've also heard the "crazy people don't know they're crazy" but am skeptical, I mean in brief moments of lucidity, even schizophrenics can recognise their crazyness
I hope it gets better for you op, I don't think it will be getting better for me.
>>29303389
'sup op, I'm you from the future. Here's what I've gathered:
> you've been so lonely that you've romanticized friendship on and ignored the privileges of loneliness
> you will finally make friends, but the process is maddening; they will call you to hang out when you want to settle in, you'll feel anxiety every time they contact you because you feel like you're letting them down by not talking to them and sometimes they'll keep texting you for hours and you'll just want to kill yourself for having someone keep tabs on you, forgetting that this is standard friendship
> you'll realize you're only attracted to unavailable people because it's safe and you control the failure, you know nothing will come of it and you get to keep that special feeling of thinking that they could save you
> your friends might hate you if they knew your real beliefs, and you have to lie and act like you support theirs because being an autist doesn't work irl
> you will walk past people you know and hope they didn't see you because you know you've been hiding out for absolutely no reason
> you'll only feel "comfortable" when you're certain that they don't call you a true friend anymore, because you can now stop analyzing yourself around them
You do not want friendship, it is fucking torture. I don't tell my friends anything because I don't trust them and I'd rather be on an anonymous board.
