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You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
You are currently reading a thread in /r9k/ - ROBOT9001
Tell your creep stories, I'll start:
>on the verge of homelessness
>2 days before out of current apartment, forgot to find a new place
>have the money but no place
>Throw up a craigslist ad
>nice girl asks me if I'd be interested in renting a room/house from her and her family
>apprehensive
>she tells me that they will rarely be there, and that as long as rent is paid on time I can do w/e i want
>She's gone 99% of the time.
Here we go...
>First stage was exploration
>Peak through her dresser, underwear drawer. Filled with shame, tell myself I will never do it agian
>The next night I go back
>I convince myself they're just clothes, its not weird
>Find her thong
>Sniff it
>This has been worn
>More shame. Very turned on
>Lay on her bed naked, wear thong like eyepatch
>Huff deep as I stroke my turbo-cock
>squirtle everywhere
>Satisfied, I return to my room to play WoW until 6am.
There's a LOT more. If interested I will greentext. I ended up doing some depraved shit and created a neckbeard nest.
>>24360199
Go on faggot what are you waiting for
Go ahead faggot, it's not like we have anything better to do
>>24360199
>>24360225
>>24360245
>We lived in a large city in Wisconsin.
>It was the dead of winter when my explorations fully bloomed
>She went on holiday with her rich parents for 3 months
>I was isolated for weeks on end in a house snowbound by blizzards
>Began to break the monotony with weird rituals
>2am was the Piss Ritual
>The clean but never used basement had carpet
>Urinate into each corner at every morning at 2am.
>Go back upstairs
>Masturbate in her bed
>Go play more vidya till morning
>Sleep
>Repeat until almost caught one day...
Continue?
>>24360411
Yeah, sure do go on
>>24360451
>Piss ritual slowly became boring. Needed to knock it up a notch.
>One night, bored and had to pewp.
>Took a shower and dropped a massive grumpy right there in her shower (I only used her shower because I'd masturbate in it smelling her perfume and cumming into the shampoo bottle)
>Faglaughed for 5 minutes as the aroma spread through the entire house thanks to very hot water/steam
>Pewp was liquifying but not by much. Had to waffle stomp it down the drain
>By this point I had been living there 3 months
>Garbage had never been taken out of my room.
>I slept in a pillow and blanket fort held together by dominos pizza boxes and extension cords
>Piss jugs everywhere.
>She asked me once why I left applejuice in my room in a gatorade bottle
>It was actually my first pissjug of many more to come...
>>24360552
>I slept in a pillow and blanket fort held together by dominos pizza boxes and extension cords
>Piss jugs everywhere.
Holy shit anon you destroyed my sides
>>24360608
>It is now late January
>Latest blizzard has made me housebound
>No car
>Busses shut down
>No food
>start to scam fast food places within walking distance.
>Con taco bell out of hundreds of dollars of free food.
>use that food as fuel for my personal pewp parties
>Survive on taco bell for nearly a week
>Start to get lonely shitting and pissing everywhere.
>Make craigslist ad for female companionship
>chubby nerd girl messages me
>she works as a mortician
>tells me about her fantasy of sexing a corpse
>tell her ill take an ice bath and pretend to be dead
>She agrees to cum over
>Don't bother cleaning ANYTHING.
Cont?
>>24360839
>dead
>>She agrees to cum over
>>Don't bother cleaning ANYTHING.
yes
only a woman is stupid enough to rent out her own house to some stranger on the internet
>Hear the neighbors on the other side of the alley having a bonfire
>All pretty young, 20s
>I want to sneak over and peer at them through the cracks of their wooden privacy fence
I don't know if this next part actually happened or if I misheard.
>"There's somebody over there..."
>"There's his head!"
>Think I saw their heads poking over the fence, apparently it was much easier to see me than I thought
>Duck down and back off, but keep sneaking around for awhile longer
>They notice me one more time and I hear them getting very afraid and creeped out
>"Holy shit is somebody following us?"
>Go inside and leave them in their paranoia
>>24360859
>I fart a lot during masturbation
>give myself a pre-event knob job
>fart copiously
>bean generated methane erupting from my anus constantly
>spray febreeze in my boxers
>it burns usssssssssss
>quick shower before fat whore arrives
>still didn't clean house
>suddenly a plan
>i will use female roommates room as sex area
>chubbenstein rings doorbell
>I trying-to-hard-to-be-charmingly open the door with a face like pic related
>she grins and says hey anon im glad we decided to meet up
>she is wearing some sort of half-goth half-anime girl outfit and has pink pigtails
>she is fatter than I expected due to myspace angles
>I am wearing a black sabbath tshirt and pj pants
>opted for no underwear to show maximum girth and penis contours.
>>24360951
>she smells nice
>unappealingly fat however
>still it beats masturbating into a shampoo bottle
>we chat on the couch for a while
>i get a genius idea
>hey chubbenstein wanna see something crazy
>lol k it better not be ur cock ;)
>i tell her our third roommate is a complete piglet
>I actually show her my entire neet-nest and piss jugs. Some flies escape from opening the door, solid wall of fart/dirty clothes/piss/cum odor slams into our faces
>she gasps
>omg anon how do you let him stay
>i shrug and say the real landlord doesn't live here or anywhere near.
>invite her back to the couch
>she immediately places her immense girth on my lap and kisses my neck
>feels good man
>try to imagine its a real woman kissing me and not the missing link between manatees and hippos
>feel her breasts that are basically just plastic bags of butter
>boner engaging
>start to think about roommate
>erection complete
cont?
>>24361078
cont ya
>>24361078
Pls go on
>>24361105
>tell her i cum fast with a new pucci and i aint had no fuk in months
>she giggles and says ok lets get you off real quick then do that thing we planned
>i fake laugh and sniff her butt as she gets off me
>i forgot what we planned
>take her to my roommates room
>anon who's room is this?
>do you have a gf?
>no its my landlord's room like i said shes never here
>oh ok that's hot lets use her bed anon!
>ok fats
>she tells me to just put it in bare and cum inside her asap so i last a long time for the longer session we had planned
>still cant remember the plan
>she lifts her skirt and offers me a surprisingly nice looking roastie. No beef curtains
>totally smooth and bare and innie
>She giggles
>ur blushing anon
>I tear off my pjs
>fart
>omfg anon did you just fart
>lol no, it was the floorboards
>tee hee ok
>she sees my average but thick cock
>imagine a monster BFG can but half as long
>she gasps
>omg nice
>i mount her like a mighty narwhal and attempt to put myself into her body
>nothing
>um....
>Anon you're too big
>realize her vag is super ultra tight
>Lube it up with roommates lube i found in her dildo drawer.
go on br3h...
obviouslsy fake
>>24360199
Wait a minute. Does she put worn thongs back in her underwear drawer?! That's disgusting.
>>24361216
>getting annoyed with this fat bitch
>stuff my girth into her forcefully and with no mercy
>feels fantastic
>She screams
>OMFG YOU TORE ME, IT HURTS IT HURTS
>shut up bittttttttttttttttch
>go balls deep and fart
>begin to ejaculate
>pyroclasm of semen escapes my member
>floods her vagina
>there's blood and cum pouring out of her tender pucci
>keep thrusting
>she is crying
>thrust more
>she begins to moan
>she squirtles all over the bed (yes i know its piss)
>massive puddle of piss blood and cum and fart
>i ask her if she wants to shower herself off
>>24361350
>she squirtles all over the bed (yes i know its piss)
Lost.
keep it up op im keking
>>24361216
>she lifts her skirt and offers me a surprisingly nice looking roastie. No beef curtains
>totally smooth and bare and innie
Do you even understand what a roastie is?
Good story, tho.
Real Creepstory incoming
>have major autism and hate life
>take bikerides to avoid suicidal thoughts
>i'm 26 years old riding bikes everywhere like the sperg i am
>drive by high school
>filthy niggers and white girls point and laugh at me, smoking at their little secluded spot near school
>get drunk one night, look at my piss bottles
>pack pissbottles in backpack and ride to school and pour it all over the walls
>nobody of those shits are smoking there anymore
I'm not done you fuckers just wait ill pour piss bottles everywhere, when the sun hits the wall the stench gets high
>>24361350
If this isn't fake, this is some fucking lesiure suit larry tier shit mate.
As if you didn't realize pepe jokes were supposed to be ironic.
>decide that between shower shitting, piss rituals and becoming a total neet that there is no going back
>decide to become full Chaos mode
>chubs comes out of the shower naked, i spot some stretch marks and shudder
>decide to see how far I can push it
>throw on an ebonic accent
>ay yo is dat a c-section scar
>What the fuck did you just ask me!?
>u heard
>no its not its from self harm u jerk
>get over here and suck me
>not until you become dead rememberrrrrrr
>oh shit i agreed to pretend to be dead for this nutso
>i already bred her like a kukstud so sure why not
>tell her to wait
>i get in the ice cold tub I drew
>sit for like 10 minuts, penis is now smaller than ive ever seen due to cold
>go back to my roommates completely destroyed bedroom with her
>i am super cold, so the warm piss blood and cum feels nice to warm me
>she is super into this entire thing
>Fatty The Necomancer starts pretending to be at work
>wow she is going full autism
>she slides her finger up her gash and I see blood and cum
>She licks it off and smiles
>i audibly chuckle and she gives me a dirty look
>she climbs on top me and starts to hump
>good boy good boy
>such a good boy
>i know you're dead little boy but i will warm your body
>good boy good boy
>she cums in like 5 minutes
>my dick half-heartedly sneezes a small wad into her dna dumpster
>>24361583
>dna dumpster
lost
I'm pretty hard OP, keep going.
Jesus this shit is horrific. Why do you people do it? Why not just keep up basic habits of sanitation and hygiene? Why not just find normal fucking women and make relationships with them? Why the fuck not?
>>24361647
reeeeeeI know, right, honestly the piss bottle thing is weird, who the hell spreads shit and piss all over, and why not just excersize like ~20 minutes a day you lazy fucks
>>24361583
>this charade is over, it's like 9 pm
>we talked till about 10pm
>yawn constantly saying welp i need to get to work in the morning
>oh anon where do you work
>its a secret
>oh...you must make good money
>sigh, i know where this is going
>promise if i am well rested i will take her to dinner in my camero
>i have no job, camero, or dinner for that matter
>she grins and promises to text
>i block her number, email, and delete everything to do with her now and forever
>retreat to my neet nest for the night.
>I fall asleep, forgetting that my roommate/landlord would be coming home early the next morning with her family, and that I really should have cleaned up the blood cum piss mix on her bed, the shit from the shower, the piss puddles in the carpet, and my entire disaster of a nest in my room.
>>24361216
NORMIE GET OUT
IF YOU HAVE A BIG DICK YOUR A MAGGOT SUB HUNAN NORMIE LEAVE
>>24361647
After some time you realize that hygiene is useless. And if we were able to form relationships with women, why would we be here? We would we be depressed?
>>24361522
>I'm not done you fuckers just wait ill pour piss bottles everywhere, when the sun hits the wall the stench gets high
You're a fucking hero, anon.
>>24361701
Have you never been so comfy that you just don't want to get up, no matter how much you need to piss? I pity you, friend.
I've never pissbottled, myself. Don't want to cross that line. Crossing the pissbottle line is something you never come back from. But I can see the temptation.
>>24361499
A ROSTIE is a vagina with beef curtens
>>24361781
I've never not wanted to get up and piss, pissing feels good especially in the toilet, the flushing is pure joy. plus i mean my toilet is beside the room my comp is in, i could just use a hose (not that i have)
>>24361705
>by some miracle I awaken at 6am.
>I panic, they will be here in under 1 hour
>do i just ...leave? no, my computer and stuff is here
>do i try to clean it? no time.
>do I try to explain it? How do you explain a lonliness fueled mental illness sex frenzy with a mortician that resulted in shit piss blood and cum literally being everywhere
>dont even try to comprehend what to do about my room
>It's all about damage control now
>Step one, go outside to garden, select large rock
>Step two, wear boots that aren't mine and make footprints leading to the patio door downstairs in the basement
>Step three shatter glass with rock
>step 4 hear landlord pulling up
>step 5 race upstairs and cut self on back of head with knife
>step 6 smear blood on rock
>step 7 lay on the floor next to rock
>step 8 hope to hell this works..
>>24361888
holy shit OP
You're going to be in one of those best of 4chan threads. Someone screencapping?
>>24361917
No shut the fuck up
>>24361888
>landlord walks in with her mom and dad
>screams
>OH DEAR JESUS ANON WAKE UP
>her dad dials 911
>oh hell
>landlord touches my neck, assuming shes checking for pulse
>hes alive
>dont move him
>oh my god who did this
>landlord walks around
>another scream
>my bed my bed what is on my bed
>her dad says what the fuck
>he talks to 911, i groan super quiet
>landlord races over to me asking if i can talk
>i fake mumble something about dinosaurs
>she gasps
>ambulance arrives
>>24361888
This is the most fake story I have ever read
>>24362014
Don't even care anymore tbph family
>>24362011
>EMTs check my vitals
>I will skip the details on the ride there, and diagnostics
>Doctor is elated to announce I am 100% fine, but that the rock had left a very deep cut that needed 6 stitches
>landlord asks me if i remember anything
>i tell her bogus story about going home to visit my family for a week, and when I returned I saw the glass door broken
>I told her I was worried so I went inside to check things out alone
>Told her I stumbled on a group of homeless hobos building a shelter in my room and they chased me to the kitchen and that I didn't remember anything else
>>24361917
>hurr blood piss cum shit stains
>hurr they be back any minit!
>it's just like one of my meigwok sittokomu
Why do people entertain this bullshit.
>>24362094
Bull. Shit.
Keep going.
I knew this was fake from the very first post but I want to know how it ends.
>>24362014
holy shit you're a genius
>>24362094
>Told her I stumbled on a group of homeless hobos building a shelter in my room and they chased me to the kitchen and that I didn't remember anything else
No way this would stand up to scrutiny or any investigation.
>>24362094
>a couple weeks go by, they had the entire place professionally cleaned to the tune of a couple thousand dollars.
>landlord offers me free 6 months rent for the trouble, probably worried I'd sue for bad security measures or something. She tells me its because of the good care I took of the house before they left for vacation
>Accept.
>I am set as a neet for the next almost year
>Weeks go by, it's early feb now
>Still deep winter because wisconsin
>Landlady asks if I mind being alone
>I say no, I find it peaceful (lie, super lonely neet that resorts to craigslist to have sex with the mentally ill)
>She explains that she is a 3 way owner with her parents on the mortgage, it is a gift for her and my rent is going towards paying it off faster
>She asks if I'd be alright watching the house for the next 6 months alone, as she is moving in with her boyfriend.
>I am a little scared of this as I will no longer have someone to cum into their shampoo or otherwise desecrate their home
>She tells me that she won't always be there but that she will be there the majority of the time. She tells me that she will be leaving all of her things here with me, until she decides to get an actual place with her boyfriend
>Say sure
>A few weeks pass
>Things start to go back to how they were before with me pissing in the sink. I knew this would evolve into piss jars and beyond but didn't care.
>One night, before my new nest was complete my landlord came home very upset at her boyfriend. Door slammed so hard I woke up.
>I put on the same colonge her boyfriend uses and go out half naked
>omg anon I'm so sorry I scared you after all that stuff that happened last month
>its all good
>i just had a huge fight with Chad. Is it alright if I stay here the next few days?
>um of course, you kind of own the place
>>24362280
continue famz
>>24362280
Love it OP
>>24362280
Fakest shit I've ever heard, now tell us how it ends brother
>>24362280
Oh no. Oh no no no.
You killed her, didn't you. She's dead, hidden under the bed in that godawful neet nest.
>>24362280
>tee hee true, hey listen, i really appreciate everything you have done for my family
>no prob, i better get to bed....
>ok, well have a good nite anon :)
>ok :)
This is where things get kind of super fucked...
Some background: My grandad died around my birthday that year (late feb) and he left me a few thousand dollars. Most of it was in a bond, but I had about $2,000 to play with. My parents suggested I use that to get back into school or get a cheap car.
>I didn't
>wonder what i could do besides shit and piss like an animal
>get the brilliant idea to set up hidden webcams
>become seriously obsessed with recording my landlord
>record her shits, pisses, showers and period maintenance
>slowly acquire great details and information about her including a handful of masturbation I caught in her bedroom
>begin to be extra nice to her, and discover she has a problem with alcohol.
>she isn't an alcoholic but she is apparently quite the loose goose when trashed
>Begin to wonder if I can desecrate the landlandy herself using the data.
>not handsome but can fake charm girls decently well
>after all I fucked a mentally ill fat mortician girl
>decide my new goal to spend my free time on will be seduction and if possible, impregnation of my landlord and pinning it on Chad, instead of getting a job, learning a trade, or being a productive member of anything.
bumparinonohomo
>>24362416
>mfw this went from "stalker" to "obsessive creeper of all creeps"
Pls more, comrade.
>>24362280
>super lonely neet that resorts to craigslist to have sex with the mentally ill
Why didn't I think of this.
>>24362416
>Have two thousand to play with
>Will some how fuck the land lady girl.
Ya know, I knew the story was fake before, but at least it was a little enjoyable. Now you're not even trying.
>>24362416
fucking based, best thread I've seen in a while
PIC OF LANDLORD? Leaving us in the shitters here desu, give us a picthis threads very lewd
>>24362522
ayyy fuk boi stfu f4m
>>24362416
And then?
>>24362416
>my first act is to increase the divide between landlady and Chad
>I do this by subtle hints dropping whenever he is over at the house with her
>I do the same to her whenever he isn't around
>One day I slip one of my condoms into his wallet.
>That night she comes home and she is crying her eyes out
>OMG ANON I THINK CHAD IS CHEATING, I FOUND A CONDOM IN HIS WALLET
>why is that bad landlady?
>because i have nuvaring we dont use condoms
>he must be sleeping around
>omg no landlady there's no way, i mean yeah he's friends with so and so and loves to smoke weed but...do you think he really would?
>The seed is planted. Soon I will plant mine
>She goes to stay with her family for the weekend.
>I get bored
>I am lactose intolerant and get bad constipation from Dairy
>I decide to drink only milk and eat mostly dairy for a few days to take a massive shit. I plan on freezing it in the freezer out of curiosity
>maybe i'll use my frozen shit brick to murder the neighbors dog. haven't decided.
>Sunday night take massive dump, it's easily a foot long and shaped like a combination of dumbledoors hat and a pine cone
>barehand it into her spaghetti strainer
>carry it gently to the kitchen. set it on top of a bag of her bf's frozen bean burritos, seems appropriate.
>leave it in freezer over night
>by this point landlady texts me when shes coming home because she knows i am single and i mentioned being lonely (part of the ploy to impregnate her with my autism DNA)
>>24362546
fuck off
lewwd
rude
hahaha
im sooo cute
>>24362567
>The seed is planted. Soon I will plant mine
lol
>>24362567
>The seed is planted. Soon I will plant mine
topkek
OP CONTINUE! THIS IS THE BEST STORY!
>>24362567
>get a text message monday afternoon while i'm funneling my latest load into her shampoo bottle that is probably 90% sperm 10% water now
>she said she is coming home in a few hours and that she needs to talk to me
>uh oh, has my ruse been uncovered? did she find one of my wifi cameras?
>nah she's 2dumb (she was in pre-med at this point fyi)
>say "Ok Landlady :)"
>surprise her with dinner just in case
>she is shocked, in a good way
>oh my gosh chad never did this, you're too sweet. How do you not have a girlfriend?!
>think to myself that i have very good reasons such as the turd i froze
>laugh at her and offer her some wine to go with the pasta I made
>she is surprised I knew she liked Blush (red/white blend)
>we have a nice dinner together, she is an aspiring doctor, looking to become a psychologist, and I am basically hannibal lecter but instead of cannibalism and murder its piss shit and cum
>She and I talk for quite some time after dinner. She's very tipsy and gives me a hug before retiring to her bed. She tells me we can talk in the morning.
>>24362715
>am basically hannibal lecter but instead of cannibalism and murder its piss shit and cum
lol wut
>>24362715
TYPE FASTER I NEED MORE!!!!
Fucking diamond one-liners, m8.
>OP writes the edgiest fake story of the day
>OP is cut by his own edge in the story
You're a poet and you didn't even know it
>>24362785
this i will buy your book op
btw how do you get the money for the rent
Someone please screencap this work of art.
If i wont find all OPS post in this thread when i Google it ill become sad. Some hero need to screena everything
Love it, moar plz
>>24362715
>The next morning there was another snowstorm blocking her car in so she decided to stay with me in the house all day
>she gets me some coffee and she asked if i am ready to talk
>i say sure
>she asks if i'd be ok with her moving back in full time, because she is considering breaking off her engagement to Brad because, as it turns out, he was actually cheating. My condom trick only by chance worked and uncovered actual cheating
>i fake being hesitant, i want her to more than anything. not only would i enjoy seeding her pucci and corrupting her, but completely owning her would be even better
>She seems frustrated i am not excited and cracks a joke about us "shacking up"
>I know I'm in
>Ask her if I can have the place to myself for a week to think about it
>She happily accepts and says she will be at her parents
>Inside the freezer my poop brick awaits
>I hid it by wrapping it in a tortilla and tinfoil
>she leaves a few days later when the snow clears and i go check my wifi cameras
>very fuzzy and obscure but sure enough...she is squating over one of my cameras masturbating and i caught it.
>decide to use my shit brick
>sneak into the neighbors yard at about 2am under the cover of darkness
>they have large bay windows
>hurl my turd grenade through the glass window, shattering it.
>dogs barking everywhere, i run the opposite way to my house and doubleback through the trees and go to bed
>police knock at my door next day
who addicted to eating smellu poo here
>>24362897
>I hid it by wrapping it in a tortilla and tinfoil
irlold
>>24362897
>hurl my turd grenade through the window
>>24362939
i love smelly pooop
If this would be real i hope they will make a tv show 4u
i fish my poo from the looo an snigg it thn put it back where it came frum in my assss
>Senior year of high school
>Had really small band of friends
>My friend and I start going to Army conditioning because neither one of us have a whole array of options when we graduate
>Conditioning is pretty easy, we just do shit like run and lift for like 2 hours every other day
>After a few months I sign up and was then legally obligated to go to basic immediately after my graduation
>Start wearing some of my Army T's to school because fuck it
>All that conditioning was getting me buff as fuck, girls were mirin
>I was fucking 18 years old, bear this in mind
>This 16 year old freshman girl starts talking to me
>She was really cute but fuck she was 15
>She wanted to hang out, I didn't want to because it would seem weird
>Says "No one has to know if you're embarrassed about hanging out with a freshman"
>I was a virgin, my dick was in full control so I agree
>Obviously when we hang out we didn't end up just hanging out
>She wanted to smash, I was really fighting it because I don't want to get my ass torn asunder in prison
>Her parents weren't home so we were just in her room, I was standing there like a faggot while she stripped
>Handed me her panties, kept touching me, I was completely torn between going for it and fucking off
>I just sit there wrestling my boner away and try and let my brain function
>Finally she decides for me and tells me to fuck off
>I leave but realize I still had her panties
>Sniffed and shot a huge load into the mother fucker
>>24362965
do u like poooo
>>24362897
>grab a terrycloth robe from the bathroom
>grab newspaper left by someone
>put on her spare glasses
>answer the door
>Good morning sir we're sorry to bother you
>It's no trouble officer how may I help you
>we have reason to believe that there are vandals in this very neighborhood who are comitting petty crimes such as breaking and entering and...uh....defecating on peoples property
>defecating, isn't that...pooping, officer?
>er, um, yes.
>have you seen any suspicious characters lately?
>yes, in fact 2 months ago my home was invaded by hobos and my landlord put in a police report
>thank you sir please call me if you have any more information
>close the door and laugh at the dumb piggie
>go to landlords bedroom and browse her dirty laundry
>notice a ratty dark pair of panties
>my god, it's her period panties
>fyi for other neets period panties are panties women wear knowing they might bleed in them
>i race to my smartphone and confirm that women ovulate shortly after bleeding and i realize my time is short.
>The moon will be full tomorrow night, and she will be ovulating
>It is time.
>>24362994
>She wanted to smash, I was really fighting it because I don't want to get my ass torn asunder in prison
only in america
>>24362995
TFW I STILL DO THE POO IN THE POTTY FUR MOMMY
>>24363027
this is the greatest thing i've ever read please continue
>>24363052
do u not have a toilet permit pleb
>tfw i have a toilet permit and laff at people going to jail because no permit lmao
>>24362856
Screencapped so far
>>24363081
>toilet permit
wtf are you talking about I can do whatever I want with my toilet
>>24363118
fuck off illegal pooper
>>24363027
wtf am i doing with my life, i have a chemistry test tomorrow, but this shit is too good
>you will never be this vilenand disgusting amd get away with it
>>24363027
>The moon will be full tomorrow night, and she will be ovulating
>It is time.
Almost crying
>>24363027
>text landlady
>ask her to call
>she does
>I tell her I'd love for her to stay with me, im getting lonely
>she seems a bit weirded out but agrees.
>I promise her a fun welcome home activity for her.
>can i pull it off
>can i impregnate my landlady i found on craigslist
>I put together a movies and nachos night and make sure i have stuff for plenty of margaritas.
>she gets in around 2pm. I plan to get in within the next 8 hours.
>progress is very slow, she is hesitant to drink period with me
>i get her to take a shot with me, and it spirals out of control
>within an hour (it was like 6pm) she is fallover drunk
>I am not even buzzing, I only had 2 shots total
>We laugh and talk and she eventually gets tired and lays her head on my lap, her face is very hot from drinking
>She looks up at me and says what a sweet man I am to not take advantage of everything that's gone on over the last few months
>she grabs my arm and pulls me down to her and kisses my nose
>i hesitate and kiss her full on in the mouth (largest hole in the face)
>shocked she suddenly sits up, almost falling over in the process and i see her pink thong against her very pale white skin
>>24363192
>(largest hole in the face)
Really, anon?
>>24363192
>(largest hole in the face)
anon is u ok?
>>24363192
>(largest hole in the face)
Anon I love your way with words
This a legendary thread.
>>24363192
>She pushes me back against the couch and straddles me and claps her hands against my cheeks and kisses me like a big goofball
>she pulls back saying how good that felt and then apologizes for kissing me like a puppy
>i smile at her and grab her ass
>she sucks on my neck for a while
>my dong has begun to expand
>she is very hot between the legs and i slide my hand in her yoga pants
>she grabs one of my hands and brings it up to her tits
>they're kind of small but i dont care, her boobs will be big enough once she is heavy with child
>Little does she know I haven't masturbated in a week, with the intention of having the largest possible load enter her more secret place
>we kiss for a while more and i am frustrated by her starting to get visibly tired to the point where if she doesn't wake up things might get rapey
>i start a play fight with her and manage to get her sweating, so i grab her a big redbull to chug with me.
>she keeps trying to make sex at me but i keep it in foreplay land until she is good and awake. I want her to remember the moment my DNA combined with her to form the devil himself
Anon your severe mental illnesses are showing
>>24363281
>her boobs will be big enough once she is heavy with child
>>24363281
Please lord someone tell me they're screen capping this golden turd
I'm ready OP, seal the deal
Lord help this man
This thread has made my day, thank you severely mentally ill anon.
If dubs, Landlady is a trap
>>24363377
as far as i'm concerned OP is the lord
>>24363281
>she is super awake and hyper now
>still drunk but consenting
>i tell her she is my little princess (i found out she has daddy issues from data collection mission)
>she gasps at this
>she asks me to pick her up and I do (im like 6'5 and chubby, she was 5'0 and maybe 100lbs)
>I walk her to the bedroom. Not hers. Mine.
To the neetnest I made for us and our brood. The piss jugs sit quietly in the closet. the pillow and blanket fortress has been modified into nest for us to breed in. I selected a firm pillow to place beneath her hips to ensure deepest penetration and raising her hips will encourage my sperm to flow deeper into her womb
>she laughs at my messy room
>i laugh back but for very different reasons
>she giggles at me and says she likes that im not skinny, she said im like a warm teddy bear
>I lay her on my filthy sheets and lift her shirt
>I suck on her pink erect nipples and she gasps
>i kiss down her neck...down her belly...and see her grey yoga pants have a massive wet spot
>perfect...
Even if this is made up the sheer autism required to write it is something special
This needs to be made into a tv show
this is the most degenerate thing i have ever read
i like it
Waiting for the landlady to have a feminine penis
>>24363424
>To the neetnest I made for us and our brood. The piss jugs sit quietly in the closet. the pillow and blanket fortress has been modified into nest for us to breed in. I selected a firm pillow to place beneath her hips to ensure deepest penetration and raising her hips will encourage my sperm to flow deeper into her womb
Please write a screenplay of this, OP.
>>24363424
>she giggles at me and says she likes that im not skinny, she said im like a warm teddy bear
oh god it's sssniperwolf all over again
>>24363424
>im like 6'5
Oh come on.
i didn't know it was physically possible to laugh historically and masturbate at the same time until this thread came along
>>24363476
The worst part of this is my chubby
>>24363484
what is that
>>24363488
MANLET DETECTED LAUGH AT HIM!
>>24361583
>>my dick half-heartedly sneezes a small wad into her dna dumpster
>>243634>>24363488
Fuck off manlet>>24363488
Get out manlet baby
>>24363520
Hi I'm a black man and I don't like your image it is offensive to me I just came here to laugh
>>24363514
Sssniperwolf. Hot gaming youtuber. Dates some rando beta. Go check it out
>>24363424
>I slide her pants off and she pulls at my pj pants
>I tell her daddy is ready
>she moans, and says daddy take me
>she pulls her thong to the side and slowly my cock approaches its final destination.
>i made a typo, i'm not 6'5 i am 6'4. sry
>she grabs my torso and pulls me close
>go slow daddy go slow, i can feel your thickness...
>i oblige her unlike i did the Chubbenstein i bedded months before
>I want her to enjoy this, i am convinced that in order for this to succeed I must hope that the fact she had her period meant she stopped birth control, and I am convinced the happier she is when copulating with me, the better my seed will be at invading her most precious place
>I ease the head of my thick cock into her pink fold. She has a small airstrip of hair
>she wriggles her hips to help get me into her
>I press forward slowly allowing her vaginal muscles to relax and accept my size
>now and then they quiver in pleasure grasping me, like small hands pulling me close and deeper.
>I adjust her hips to ensure positioning and slowly ease the rest of my girth into her until she groans and my balls are resting on her labia lips.
>I am now buried inside her
op who do you pay the rent if you don't work
I've never experienced one of these legendary threads. I've only ever seen screencaps of them. I long doubted that they were ever real?
>real as bigfoot
But now, my life has changed. OP, you have touched the very fiber of my being, with your pissjugs, frozen shit, and crazy obsession.
>>24363514
>>24363543
Be cool, lads. I thought we were enjoying a nice story together.
>>24363575
Stop shilling roasties you god damn normalscum
>>24363605
Neetbux m8
>>24361350
PLEASE continue. I'm keking so hard right now.
Inb4 dinosaur
boutta screencap this and post it on redtits for some sweet sweet karma
>>24363593
>>I am now buried inside her
DOES THAT MEAN THAT OP IS OP'S DAD AND HE MADE UP HIS OWN CREATION AS A FETISH?
>>24363664
etf fgfgklu y kuhjhgyjjyuf grsrytr ytr uy tyi ituk tui tk t
>>24363593
>I don't pull out at all, i just grind forward
>i can feel her cervix, it feels weird against my tip
>she seems to like it
>i repeat this motion for what seems like seconds before feeling myself need to climax
>she asks me not to cum inside her
>Suddenly my testicles hike upwards like soliders jumping up to load an artillery
>My cock twitches more and more like the recoil of a high calibur rifle. I go faster and faster, she begins to climax against me.
>Her cervix repeatedly kisses the tip of my cock
>my firm devil rod erupts in a firestorm of primal lust
>her innerplaces are repeatedly sprayed with a deluge of sperm and nutrients to keep them alive
>Her vagina muscles contract against me, and she farts on my balls
>she giggles
>i let out a small laugh and fart while inside her
>we laugh at each other. I arch her back up so my load hits its mark
>she says she needs to go clean up.
I refuse.
>She must be seeded
>She gets a bit annoyed, and asks if I am still cumming
>Lie and say yes
>She smiles and says okay I want it to feel good you go ahead
>I hold her there for at least 10 minutes, she knows whats up
>>24363703
op is this a true story?
>>24363731
nothing here is true
>>24363731
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact
>>24363337
>>24363337
>>24363749
Yet still depressingly amazing
>>24363758
>>24363749
where is it written that I came here from reddit and on there a lot of the stories are true
I think i know how grills feel when they read 50 shades of grey now. I feel the end of this tale is near, and i am disappoint
by the way, I'm screencapping this. future generations must know of OP, He-Who-Pisses-In-Jugs, Freezer of Shit, Impregnator of Landladies
>>24363703
THE TENSION
>>24363774
i find it weirdly intriguing
>>24363731
Why wouldn't it be true? Why would someone post a fake story? What would they have to gain?
This story is so wildly perverse that I have a semi at the moment
>>24363814
it wouldn't be true because this is the internet, nothing is true
>>24363814
just asking because some people on my private subreddit said he was joking
>>24363703
keep going you glorious faggot
i don't care if it's fake anymore
>>24363703
>The next morning was awkward, but good.
Thanks for reading everyone. This is part 1. Many more depraved adventures occured after this. I will spoiler that I stayed with her in that house for another year and plenty of shit went down. Are you interested in hearing MOAR?
>>24363846
>on my private subreddit
FUCKING NOMIE SCUM REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>>24363846
PLEASE DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!1
>>24363861
YES WE ARE POST MORE!
>>24363861
Worst ending ever, seriously is that it?
>>24363861
yes, please for the love of fuck post more
>>24363898
Dont talk to the freezer of shit like that u subhuman
>>24363898
Nope, I will post the ending to this saga now, I just wanted to see if there was interest in further adventures to write about tomorrow.
I'm definitely interested in moar sweet insane OP
Someone screencap the part 1 pls
>>24363861
>interested in MOAR?
>is the pope catholic?
>>24363880
>>24363885
why are you judging it's a really good underground meme collection tightly knit community. I payed someone $300 to make me a sick dark matrix custom css so it has a cool look too.
>>24363861
The story goes on?! Fan-fucking-tastic. Keep it going.
You're a bard, m8.
>>24363930
I got you senpai. Screencaps are saved.
>>24360839
This is a complete fabrication but yes please continue
>>24363965
wait what the hell? f-a-m got changed to senpai?
I typed senpai, not senpai
>what is this board
>>24363861
>A few weeks passed and we became quick FWB. I had never had this much sex before. Insane mortician lady was maybe my 4th fuck in my entire life and I was 26 at the time
>The FWB thing was pretty satisfying, I was ensuring my legacy and she was getting steady dick that wasn't mean to her
>Things changed a bit when her mom came over in late march to re-do their garden for spring time.
>My landlady was about a month and a half pregnant at this point and was losing her marbles. She told her parents that she slept with someone at a house party after finals for winter and they didn't believe her. They thought it was me and she was protecting me, which was exactly the case.
>Her parents threatened to cut her off unless she BABORTED my offspring...
>>24363861
But does she babies???
my thread was >>24363940
oops I'm really sorry please forgive me I meant >>24363878
also what is a normie
I will add a name to my thread to make it easier not have an account is confusing
>>24363991
wut? anyway, post em pls
>>24363999
End o part 1 for reals. I will be back tomorrow. I will be posting at 3PM Central time. Look in the catalogue for CREEP THREAD. It will reference this one.
gnite
>>24363999
>BABORTED
Why is this not the actual word?
>>24364049
ARGHANSJAMSKK
>>24363999
wow that's sad and it's always the ladies choice on the baby like are we in the middle ages
abortion is the ladies choice guys
>>24364049
No pls I need to hear more
>>24363999
I love you, you mad bastard. I don't care if this is bullshit it's a great read.
>>24364049
But that's 8am here senpai.
>>24361293
Actual picture should read:
average reddit user:
uneducated white male who dresses poorly and jerks off to feet
average /b/tard:
uneducated white male who dresses poorly and jerks off to loli
average /fit/bro:
uneducated white male who dresses poorly and jerks off to other men
>>24364049
>3PM Central time
No! I'll be wageslaving then. Fuck.
>>24364049
have a good sleep my good sir
>>24364082
he needs some sleep don't you understand
>>24364098
why would he be born when his parents where not married?
>>24364107
Can confirm, f-a-m becomes senpai. Dang.
>>24364120
dang it senpai
>>24364113
you can't judge people not like there's anything wrong with liking fee or men (loli is bad)
>>24364081
They weren't forcing her they just would cut her off
>>24364126
Gimme a you senpai
>>24364119
Cause shit happens man idk people don't like aborting fetuses and shit
>>24364157
>fat redditor who browses /fit/ here
>>24364126
>>24364120
haha senpai like in those oriental moving comics
>>24364168
you have to support a lady that's why I rent my second room to a nice lady for free because she needs to spend her income on more important things!
>>24364183
Can we PLEASE start calling them OMCs?!
>>24363861
I FUCKING HATE THIS BOARD YOU NORMIES AND LIARS FUCKING SUCK
>>24361078
>missing link
MY SIDES
>>24364263
of course just say SuperSayanTexas334 invented that if someone asks :-)
>>24364172
you senpai
well I'm going back to reddit happy to
make a little human contact and discuss philosophy in this interactive moving thread chat
>>24364385
nobody cares who you are or what you're doing
Thread themesong
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22yM3scJ_UI
holy shit maybe the best thing ive read on here since 2007
>>24362567
>maybe I'll use it to murder the neighbor's dog
my fucking sides
>>24364463
best thing I read on 4chan since the Pooping Bandit desu
The worst I do is try and position myself around a short haired qt in my work throughout the day so I can stare at her child birthing hips
>>24364420
Hi I got taken a back by this comment but with my philosophy I will prove you are wrong since you are in an anonymous like water being in the state of gas you must prove on yourself the fact that beyond a screen you think that name calling and pushing the buttons of one other man makes one a better person but what you do not understand is that the spirit is omnipresent and does not qualify to defraud oneself of the imagination to care in all cases in suck it has been shown by Freud, Einstein, Obama that one most be morally correct when one can be wrong.
"The pen is mightier then the sword"
- Hillery Clinton
>>24364535
is this a random word generator?
>>24364608
I'm sorry if you can not understand I have a PHD in philosophy from a prestigious online college
Someone screencap
FUCKING SCREENCAP FACK
>>24363758
I literally cannot believe the robot hasn't picked that up yet
>>24364935
I'm saving the whole page, don't worry.
>>24364951
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. OnIy a fool would take anything posted here as fact
>>24364951
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and faIsehood. Only a fooI wouId take anything posted here as fact
>>24365049
>>24364994
Is the robot broken
>>24365055
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fooI would take anything posted here as fact
>>24364951
There's no period at the end of it
>>24365195
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and faIsehood. Only a fooI would take anything posted here as fact.
Where the fug is my screencap
>>24365315
WHERE THE SCREENCAP AT
>>24365315
>tfw this was OPs landlady
>>24365195
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. OnIy a fooI would take anything posted here as fact.
I need a screencap to upload on r/4chan
>>24365315
Come the fug on
>>24363135
Yeah. Seriously, I wouldn't be cot dead pooping without a permit
>>24363281
Getting sloppy with these fables anon. Shes has nuvaring. Please continue.
alright screencapfags...
29wbrjf5m/3ea9c0f5
before that, is post image dot org slash gallery slash
here's the first few, will add more soon
remove spaces
>>24366295
same beginning as before, except instead of that mess of letters and numbers, use this one:
2pz5v09dm/f1faaec9
hope you're happy anons
captcha was fish
>>24366295
>>24366385
should look like attached image if you can't figure it out
captcha was ice cream
>>24366417
damn it i am a major fucktard
captcha was cakes
>>24362897
>robot finally ets a chance with a girl
>decides to freeze shit and throw it threw neighbors window
I am at a loss of words to represent my confusion as to why a human being would even go to attempts to try to do the actions of
