Life is suffering.
Seriously. Every single thought that crosses my mind was designed solely to torture me. This entire world, and everything in it, seems to have been specifically customized and built just to terrorize, torture, pain, and hurt me, on the deepest and most vulnerable level.
I really don't know what to do to escape these thoughts. Every thought hurts me, incredibly so.
>>29275278
Are you a neet? Did you try meds?
>>29275484
Student, but NEET for these summer months I guess.
>did you try meds?
Yes, SSRIs made me angry but otherwise no difference. Seroquel, lithium, so many different drugs, nothing works. I do have bipolar disorder but I'm not even in a depressive episode. Even when I'm feeling close to normal while on my meds, I still have these thoughts. I think I was supposed to kill myself, and that because the seroquel made me not want to for a while, the thoughts now kick in all the time to remind me my life needs to be taken away. I wasn't meant to live. Everything is toxic, everything is a tiring fever dream, I cannot sleep at night.
Bump
Someone please tell me how to stop these thoughts. They are barbed, they are spiked, they are ribbed for my displeasure.
I'm not joking though.
>>29275545
You know, there is nothing wrong with killing yourself actually in some cases. But I am sure to do that permanent action, you should be very aware of your situation. Maybe there are better ways.
I don't know if bipolar disorder is worse than just major depressive disorder (as I know it is). But I am sure that drugs arent exact thing which is supposed to help to a core of your problem. Other way is seeing that mentl disorders arent issue of brain, but an issue of faith. That's what religions teaches us.
That's ok to speak up, most likely there are some robots left here to.
>>29275709
I've thought about that, but making myself believe is just another double edged sword, another cruel, cruel thought in my mind.
Everything is cruel in my mind, and even the good has a silver lining that's sharp and painful instead of soft and loving.
I want to have faith, believe in God, but it seems illogical to do so.
I cannot make myself believe.
Things just aren't right, no matter what.
>>29275278
I have bipolar disorder too, time heals my friend.
It took about 10 years to recover but it did.
>>29275772
Thank you for the kind words, I'm glad you have gotten better.
It's just so severe. I say I'm not in a depressive episode but really I am, I can tell now.
Every thought hurts so much. Everything that was hopeful and bright a few hours ago is now grim, dark, uncaring, unloving, and cruel above all else.
>>29275654
literally always cheers me up no matter how much of a cliche it is
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_MjCqQoLLA&t=55s
>>29275278
What kind of thoughts are they? Give examples
>>29275825
Thank you for the sweet song anon. You know, I've never heard this one. Thank you. Makes me feel a bit better. I guess not everything is bad.
>>29275278
>MY LIFE IS SO BAD BECAUSE A GF WON'T VALIDATE ME!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOO!!!!! I LIVE THE MOST OPPRESSED EXISTENCE IN ALL OF TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN, THESE WOOOOOOOOOOOUNDS THEY WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL NOT HEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>29275764
You shouldnt see believing in God as believing in magic. You should read some info about religion, you should check some facts about free will and what a human race is and how complicated it is. For some reason I would suggest you at least watching Evangleion.
Your mind reacts to your thoughts in a very tricky way. But your mind itself causes and generates those thought. Weird?
>>29275839
I don't know. I worry people would identify me or know me if I said too much. I guess that's one thought, the paranoia. The fact I cannot sleep at night despite being up for two days. The thoughts about girls, women, specific women, that torture me. Insecurities about myself, my body, most definitely my masculinity. Creeping homosexual thoughts and feelings I've never felt before. The fact I will most likely be a complete failure in everything I pursue.
I can't get too specific really. It just makes me too nervous. There are some really, really nasty ones I just cannot say.
>>29275873
I don't want a gf right now, it has nothing to do with any of that.
>>29275874
I have meant to watch Evangelion for a long time. Maybe now is the right time.
It is weird. I don't know why that is. Like I said, they feel so external and intentionally cruel I can't help but feel if there is a God he's forcefeeding me terrible thoughts to try and make me kill myself.
>>29275889
If you can't get more specific than that, I'm leaving the thread because I can't help you like this. Good luck
>>29276066
Kind of what I expected. I don't know why I made this thread in the first place.
