Normal Quest
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You are just an average guy. You have just woken up from your eight hours of sleep, and you're ready to start your day! What will you do?
>>24341
Hang out with and watch sportsball irl friends like a normal person
>>24341
Be normal.
>>24341
go to work
Rolled 20 (1d20)
>>24341
We need that breakfast to start us off properly.
>>24375
You'd love to, but you only have normal playing cards. You do manage to start a thrilling game of 52 pickup, though!
>>24555
Be Pablo Escobar.
Rolled 13 (1d20)
>>24555
Open door, get out
>>24396
>>24600
You decide to go to work at you job, which just so happens to be cleaning toilets at the local high school. You open your front door to leave, only to realize it's a closet.
>>24629
Obtain normal arms.
>>24629
you promptly search for a rope to hang yourself- because youre a fucking janitor
>>24513
You eat your hanger for sustenance. Your hunger level drops.
>>24667
jump out of the window and get to work BEFORE YOU ARE FIRED
>>24667
Eat hunger.
Rolled 15 (1d20)
>>24667
Dropkick window
>>24654
Luckily you always keep your sidearm in your pocket. You just can never be sure when you need to protect yourself, or hold up a bank.
>>24777
shoot yourself in the head because youre a fucking janitor
>>24810
Why not shoot up those shitty kids?
>>24810
You decide it's high time to off yourself, so you decide to eat your gun.
However, it seems you took that phrase literally.
>>24880
Become Normal Gunman.
>>24880
look out the window
>>24880
Make a normal breakfast of Regular Showios, with the bland taste of 100% normally made wheat.
>>24957
Spork or spoon?
>>24982
With a spoon. Sporks have a tendency of hurting your tongue when you out it in.
>>24710
You attempt to jump out your window like a fucking madman. You miss completely.
>>24880
now u r gunman
>>25016
Punch window and break the glass in a fit of rage for missing the window
>>25016
Make a bland breakfast of Regular Showios, with 100% normally made wheat materials. Eat with a spoon.
>>25016
Just take the stairs like a normal person.
>>25016
finger your butthole
>>25057
You're so fucking mad at your piece of shit goddamn window that you decide to use all your BOXING SKILLS to annihilate the stupid thing.
Unfortunately you're WEAK AS SHIT. The glass holds fast.
>>25333
This is starting to become suspicious. Normal people can punch through adamantite for goodness sake. Are you sure you are who you say you are, normal guy? Look me in the eye and answer me.
>>25333
Use the playing cards to cut the window open
>>25065
You decide to stop trying to beat up inanimate objects, and head for your KITCHEN. You eye your favorite cereal on the table.
>>25612
Look at the nearest mirror you normal fuck, prove to me you're normal. The cereal can tag along too, itll make for a pretty good team mate
>>25632
You take your cereal to a nearby mirror. You gaze longingly at yourself, and your wonderful mustache. It takes you 15 minutes to realize this is actually a portrait of you from before you shaved.
Rolled 7 (1d20)
>>25793
break mirror with face
>>25793
Look at a real mirror you suspiciously normal guy, also treat your cereal companion to a fresh cold one , on us.
>>25824
You smash a real mirror with the portrait of your face.
>>25907
Get malk and a bowl
Ugh, and that story was going well too
Rolled 15 (1d20)
>>25907
find exit and exit out the exit
>>25936
You decide to stop fucking about and get your breakfast made already. You didn't have any milk, so you decided to substitute it with a little vinegar. You didn't have a regular bowl either.
>>26079
Strong men eats with no spoon
Eat then go to work to look at high school girls poop
>>26135
>>25960
After eating your delicious meal (it was fucking disgusting) you decide to return to your previous task of trying to get to work. You come back to your only known exit, your window.
You open it like a sensible person.
>>26209
Examine our various levels, including our hunger level, and then leave
>>26209
Get out into the world and steal high school girls virginitys
>>26222
You take a quick look at your stats. You managed to get your HUNGER down to 3%. Good going!
>>26240
You climb out of your fifth story window.
>>26525
Fuck
Grab a window ledge and assassin creed this shit
>>26525
Fly into sun
>>26525
Be the other guy.
>>26562
As you fall to your death, you briefly consider using your superpowers and flying to the Sun. Unfortunately, you are just a normal guy!
>>26626
Grab on to the nearest thing to you
>>26626
Land on your head, its your beast chances to survive.
>>26626
Land normally on the ground. Like a normal person
>>26626
As you plunge to your death, start to furiously masturbate.
Aim for that kid walking by, that cute little 8 year old girl.
>>26626
Go to Heaven after you die.
>>26664
>>26672
You land and create a small CRATER.
>>26761
Go to your 6 to 6 job now, we need our pay.
>>26761
just die already
>>26761
Explore crater, possibly for job opportunities.
>>26761
Get out of the hole and go to your office job that you work from 9 to 5.
>>26688
>>26782
>>26791
You miraculously survive! Most likely because not even God wants you.
>>26761
Get payed to fuck bitches already
>>26808
Go to the nearest intersection and carjack somebody in order to get to work.
>>26808
go to the hospital, that fall was extremely large
Go back inside
>>26808
Well fuck you god
Go rob a bank since clearly we cannot be harmed
>>26837
this
>>26825
>>26810
On your way over to the nearest street corner, you briefly consider quitting your janitorial job in favor of becoming a male prostitute.
>>26858
do it
>>26858
Being a prostitute doesn't pay well enough unless you like taking it in the ass, so you proceed with the carjacking.
>>26858
we have zero sex appeal so forget that idea
>>26858
prostitute yourself on your way to the school
>>26858
Do it but we're gonna be a fucking high class as fuck escort
Woman only and beautiful ones at that
>>26858
but prostitution is already your job
you clean the wallets of the high schoolers in return for high quality lap dances
Rolled 13 (1d20)
>>26858
>becoming a male prostitute.
Do it faggot.
>>26868
>>26883
>>26884
>>26932
You ask a nearby woman if she would be willing to have sex with you, and also pay you money for it.
She politely tells you to fuck off.
Man, you sure don't know how prostitution works!
>>26967
go to the local library
>>26967
Ask her to have sex with other people and give some of the money she gets to you.
>>26967
Club the back of her head with a blackjack then cut off her hair
You need good hair to be a prostitute
>>26967
Aren't you late for work?
>>26967
you noob, that not how you prostitute. You are supposed to sneak up to the woman, grab her covering her mouth, drag her to the bushes or a dark alley, fuck her, take her money as a payment and voila! - another satisfied customer.
>>26986
You affix a small pimp hat on your head and ask her if she'd like to be one of your honeys. She knocks the wind out of you.
>>27084
SELF DEFENSE
SMACK HER WITH THE BACK OF YOUR HAND
>>27084
Take her wind to make up for the wind she made you lose.
>>27084
Gouge out her eyes
>>27084
Wad of cash. Her face. Make it happen.
>>24341
Hold breath until pass out and fall back to sleep and wait until tomorow
>>27084
Hand her the hat and offer her some of your earnings in exchange for promotion and protection.
>>27330
You entice her with a five dollar bill. She threatens to call the cops.
Rolled 5 (1d20)
>>29178
put the cash in her mouth and drag her into an alley, then take out your phone and film as you say "IT'S JUST A PRANK BRAH"
>>28112
You give her the pimp hat. She knocks you over and pummels you into the ground. You thought being a whore would be something like this, but you also thought sex would be involved.
>>29338
Realize this is a stupid idea and get to your janitorial job before any faculty see you.
>>27012
>>29387
After you lie on the ground and contemplate your life for several hours, you realize you are late for work. Those toilets aren't going to clean themselves!
>>29393
Lets-a-go
To the land of raging hormonal wimmin
>>29393
Go get a McDonald's breakfast before it's too late
>>29393
Piss all over the ground
You put on your headphones, careful to avoid local bystanders, and listen to TRUMP 105.5 (your favorite talk radio station ).
>>29565
You decide that on your way to work, you want to listen to some news about making America great again. You take out your PORTABLE RADIO and affix it to your belt. You also put on your headphones in case there's a stray Bernie supporter nearby.
>>29716
Tune radio to search for alien broadcasts
>>29493
You arrive at the HIGH SCHOOL.
2d6
>>29763
Go to math class and woo ladies with your SUPERIOR INTELLECT
Rolled 98 (1d100)
>>29776
Shoot up the school. With cleanliness
>>29776
he already ate his trusy sidearm
READ THE LORE
>>29987
Fire bullets from your belly button, that's how these things work.
>>29903
holy fuck that's a nice roll
do it
>>29903
You enter the school. You spray a kid in the face with FEBREZE™.
>>30166
kick him in nuts
walk away
pimphat on, get teenaged honeys
dice+2d6
>>30166
Swiffer the hallways
Rolled 6, 6 = 12 (2d6)
>>30187
>>30166
Seduce the female teacher whos wearing the pimp hat.
>>30166
realize what you've done, start to have an epiphany, and throw your radio at him and run away crying
>>30187
You aggressively clean the hallway. Damn kids are always making a mess.
>>30318
You don't wish to part with your RADIO, but you do unplug your headphones so the kid can listen to the wise words of Donald Trump.
>>32798
Turn perspectivewise behind normal guy
>>32890
You view the scene from the inside of a locker. Damn, it sure is hard to see out of this thing!
>>32966
Weep.
>>33361
You give this kid a good rub down. Can't say you never did nothin' for the children!
>>33601
Walk on, don't look back
Pretend you can't hear him
Start to whistle as you cross the hallway
Seem embarrassed to be there
>>33601
you've given this hallway and its inhabitant a satisfactory rubdown. make your way towards the bathrooms.
>>33601
go clean the girl's lockeroom
>>33601
find the local bullies and try and convince them to become your goons, and slowly form a school mafia based around stealing kids lunch money.
>>33601
Pants him and run.
>>33601
Remember that your job is to clean toilets, and return to the restroom to Swiffer the toilets
This whole thing reads like something Andrew Hussie would make. I like it.
>>36397
dont speak those words here, friend. too risky
>>36397Yeah, MSPA was my life for the last several years. I'm not sure I could make a quest any other way.
>>36397
This, very Problem Sleuth-esque and I love it
>>33729
>>33848
>>36103
You enter the GIRL'S BATHROOM.
>>36742
Better start out by checking the stalls
>>36742
you won't get to mack on any sweet babes if you look like shit, check yourself out in the mirror.
>>36742
Just start fucking licking the floor like a madman
>>36793
Looking good! (The mirror cracks a little.)
>>36884
pick up and throw mirror over a stall.
>>36884
Find a urinal to pee in, only to be disappointed
>>36800
You can't think of a better way to clean a bathroom!
>>36982
puke
>>36982
While you're down there, peek to see if there are any girls in the stalls.
>>36982
remember the night janitor is an asshole and leave all the hard work to them.
>>36982
Consider life choices up until now.
>>36982
Your job is to clean the toilets not the floor. Also disregard any humans that may be above or around said toilets. Your job is to clean after all, not to be respectful.
>>36982
Leave the toilet seats up, and go clean the men's bathroom.
Rolled 5, 3 = 8 (2d10)
>>37447
Yesss
>>37243
You go to a toilet and start buffing it.
>>39233
buff yourself
>>39233
buff the water inside the toilet.
>>39233
Use Buffer on your own arms so that your arms get buff and your strength increases
Off-topic: Sorry to interrupt, but I've had good laughs at this thread. Good going, OP and anons.
>>39233
throw the RADIO into the toilet
>>39352
Republican propaganda should go into the toilet where it belongs
>>39233
Check stats. Check inventory.
>>39284
You're making a complete fucking mess.
>>39526
put your face near the splashing water and let Poseidons kiss wash over you.
>>39352
You put your RADIO in the toilet for good measure. Sparks are flying everywhere!
>>39526
leave the buffer in the toilet
proceed to the male bathrooms
>>39414
>GRANOLA STUMP FER PRESIDDANT 2K14
>REPUBESICAN
>>39558
>buzz buzz
>its donald trumps butt
-
Did we ever give the person a name?
Does the high school janitor need a name?
I feel like he should have a name.
Straw poll on a name?
>>39563
You leave just as a small fire starts.
>>39607
We left our fingerprints everywhere. Go back to clean them up.
Due to budgets cuts we have been fired.
>>39414
look at this low energy post
>>39614
>>39627
You go back to make sure you didn't leave any fingerprints behind, since smudging everything up is unbecoming of a great janitor such as yourself. Luckily, it seems the fire will take care of it!
>>42013
Welp, might as well just start crying. Too late now.
"Select all images of bodies of water such as lakes or oceans." Ha.
>>42013
Seduce fire.
>>42013
Check the time and see its time for lunch, leave the premise and head for the local foodjoint
>>42045
You pull out a BOX OF CHOCOLATES, ignoring Confucius's words of wisdom: "Man who sticks his dick in fire gets burned". At least you think Confucius said that.
>>42124
go set fire to the men's room so the police can't tell what gender set the fire
muddy the waters
gotta be clever
Rolled 3 (1d20)
>>42124
Leave the fire, go into nearest classroom and seduce teacher in front of class
>>42124
Examine melting chocolates
>>42251
>>42266
You're feeling pretty efficient, so you toss an incendiary grenade into the mens' room on your way to find a HOT TEACHER.
>>42591
Wait, check to see if there's anyone in there, if there is, eat the grenade. You don't want anyone seeing this.
>>42793
I'm not satisfied until a grenade is digested.
>>42591
Mistake student for teacher and subtly request sex, but be smooth. Don't want them thinking you're a pervert.
>>42591
>that door sign
subtle
Reflect on your life up until this point.
>>42793
You enter a classroom and, oh, son of a BITCH.
>>43479
Confess your feelings for her.
>>43479
try to strike up a conversation by twerking, thats the new trend
>>43479
get angry, demand your hat back, or you wont clean her classroom!
>>43479
Ask her how her day's been
>>43492
You offer her some slightly melted chocolate.
>>43479
Attempt to solve the math problem to impress her. Try really hard not to draw a penis.
>>43608
THROW
THE
CHOCOLATE
AT
HER
>>43608
Successfully give her a dramatic romantic french kiss, like they do in the movies to make her swoon after being mad at us.
>>43563
You ask her how's it been going since the last time you tried soliciting sex from her. She readies to beat you with her COSTANZA BAT.
>>43866
Tell her the principle wants to see her. Take over teaching if she leaves.
>>43866
activate the almonds
all of them
>>43866
"You know baby, much as you wish to show you want to beat the ever living shit out of me, you know you don't want to. You know how I know? You're still wearing the hat. Deep down in your heart you KNOW you've fallen for me, no matter how irrational it may be. But baby, love ain't rational. Just go with the flow and enjoy the love ride."
Say that with a Barry White voice.
>>43866
Politely call her a harlot, then reach for your hat.
>>43866
Open battle menu.
>>43866
tell her NO VIOLENCE IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN!
>>43953
I second this.
>>43685
You fail completely!
>>44233
explain that drawing is your penis to impress her
>>44233
Pick her up and slam her ass against the spot where the penis drawing lies to pleasure her.
Disguise yourself as one of the students, she'll never know.
>>44233
add a flower to the penis in an attempt to sway her into pimping u
>>44010
You open your BATTLE MENU. What would you like to do?
>>48110
Defend against the costanza bat using frog memes
>>48110
->ITEM
We need to up our BAC
>>48138
You select DEFEND and ready your PEPE SHIELD. The woman can't get through!
>>48110
run like the pansy you are
>>43953
say this
Throw your entire inventory at her. If all else fails you can strip, that'd scare anyone away.
>>48205
Nows your chance, quickly counter-attack with first grade math problems to inflict a confusion status effect
>>48205
Cower in fear and tell sugar mama we'll get her money we promise, just stop hitting us.
>>48205
Rally the children to your defense
Children hate math and long to rebel against the tyrannical teachers
>>48205
how can you be a normie and sport a pepe shield like a champ? this doesn't add up...
>>48205
Just let her beat you. If you can survive a 5 story drop you can survive waiting for her to tire.
>>48329
Lets be honest here, pepe is a normie meme by now
>>48140
While the woman is distracted, you quickly check your inventory for some alcohol. There's a lot of useless shit, like THE MONA LISA, A DVD COPY OF THE DAY THE CLOWN CRIED, and a HONUS WAGNER CARD. But what luck! You also have a 39 year old can of BILLY BEER!
throw the beer at her. Who doesn't like beer?
>>48377
It's not useless shit. Push her into the Mona Lisa, trapping her in the world of Da Vinci's masterpiece forever
>>48377
Attempt to do a magic trick with the card.
>>48377
tell her you came in the hat to startle her
when her guard is down ask her if she wants to watch the day the clown cried with you
Rolled 7 (1d10)
Throw beer can as hard as you can at the ground. Make your escape in the resulting confusion.
>>48385
You toss the BILLY BEER at her. The woman takes massive damage!
>>48724
Maybe that seduced her. The only way to be sure is to expose yourself. (blurred out of course, this is a blue board afterall).
>>48724
Smash Mona Lisa over her head
>>48724
Disarm her.
>>48724
Sacrifice some of your hunger meter to vomit on her for massive damage!
>>48724
we just knocked a teacher out, we have to get out of there and hope that she was just grading papers or something and that no kids saw us.
ABSCOND
>>48724
Now that she's unconscious we need to claim our prize. Everyone knows after you win a duel you get a payout.
>>48724
beat the children and steal their lunch money
>>48781
You regurgitate your SIDEARM, but the woman inadvertently bats it away!
>>48851
Use 2 turns and charge Hyper beam
>>48851
Shit yourself.
>>48851
Bash her with the shield.
>>29178
here's some fan art, it is my reimagining of this scene
>>48851
i'm with the other guy, disarm her
>>48851
Regurgitate the coat hanger and poke her in the eye.
Then retrieve firearm and put into inventory.
Suck her dick
>>48851
Turn to the class and survey their opinions of the situation at hand before formulating your next plan of action
>>50875
>I am Mike
A gun strikes a woman
Mike struggles with this format. He cannot exist here and stay himself. Mike moves back into the void
club her with your dick
>>48763
You take the COSTANZA BAT.
>>52355
Next, take her VIRGINITY, using the CONSTANZA BAT.
>>52355
hit her with the Mona Lisa
>>52355
place the Mona Lisa over the penis drawing. She'll really appreciate your fine taste in art.
>>48879
You use your PEPE SHIELD to knock her down!
>>52355
jizz on the mona lisa and then use it to rub it on her to generate friction. Aquire static shock powers.
