I'm going to bring something new to /qst/, just to test the waters and see what people think..
We're all suspects in this case. Our quest is to seek out a murderer. It's plain and simple.
My name is Detective Carlos, and I'm on the case to figure out who the murderer is.. And you are all going to help me. :^)
RULES:
>Pick a character, any character whatsoever, and post in this thread. (For example, I'm Carlos from The Magic School Bus.)
>Every post that's in character in this thread counts as a roll.
>If you roll dubs, you die.
>If you roll trips, you are a suspect.
>If you roll quads, you are the murderer.
>You can start again as another character if you die.
>I will keep track of the deaths, unless someone steps up as the coroner.
DEATHS:None yet. Rolls dubs to get your name here!
There we go. Now that we got introductions out of the way, I guess it's time to PUNish that murderer, eh?
Anyone have any leads?
>>232725
GRIIIIIIIFFFFFFIIIIIIIITTTTTTTHHHHHHHH
>>232723
So what does it mean if I am the suspect?
And is the murderer caught automatically or do they try to hide?
>>232732
WHOA man, calm down a little! No need to get all whack! Just calm down and tell me what you saw. Any leads are helpful.
>>232733
DUBS!!!
>>232733If you're the suspect, basically everyone in the thread will just be like "so and so seems a little suspicious, I would recommend staying away from them."
Once the murderer is found, he gets a rebuddle, and then usually a new thread starts.
Plus, you just died.
Aaaaand, there's a dead body. This night is already fantastic.
DEATHS:
Finn the Human
>>232725
Do you play Risk Carlos?
Neat idea, but I must sleep. Awaken me on the night of the morrow.
-Vampire Sunflower
>>232742
If by risk, you mean risking my life, then sure!
Also if you mean the board game, then also yes!
>>232744
Hah
>>232755
It's not a hat that's my head you imbecile.
Enjoy dying you failure of a detective.
>>232755
Fucking great. Now our detective is dead.
That was quick. This murderer sure does strike fast.
>How do you know it wasn't you?
BECAUSE, I am curRENTLY TAKIng a BREAK from murder shut your fucking mouth.
DEATHS:
Finn The Human
Vampire Sunflower
Detective Carlos
>>232746
Do you perhaps play it in here?
> only one person uses Carlos more often than I in /qst/.
RAWR MY HANDS ARE ENORMOUS FUCK MEXICANS
>>232766
>>232764
Nice hat.
>>232760
Nice.. hat? I don't think that's your head.
>>232773
Nice hat. I know that things a hat. Don't even try, DJ Trump.
>>232775
> tfw you thought you saw someone you knew? Only to realize they're a stranger
>>232790
>it's okay anon, at least you haven't died yet.
Get out of my head.
>nah
Welp. Time to force 'em out.
This seems interesting
>>232811
Dead already.
Try again, Dave.
DEATHS:
Finn The Human
Vampire Sunflower
Detective Carlos
Faggot Anonymous
Dave
>>232787
I possess a rare genetic mutation for my species that lets me transform into more powerful forms. See this form, this is what happens to what's atop my head when I transform. it's a genetic ability. If it was just a hat it wouldn't change into the four-pronged number you see here.
>>232811
hah!
Connie Cohen, a Concerned Citizen from Waterworks.
>>232725
>Anyone have any leads?
Those punks who stole the water in my town.
>>232829
Sorry, forgot to include my picture.
>>232833
Scheiße
Lang lebe der Fuhrer!
>>232832
I guess now is a good time to promote myself to DETECTIVE, so I can answer statements like these!
>that doesn't sound like a good idea.
I don't give a fuck what you think. I do what I want.
[UPGRADED STATUS TO DETECTIVE DEADPOOL]
What are their names, ma'am?
I'm a murderer. All those..entire colonies of rats. Fathers, mothers, children.
The squeaks stay with me at night. If it was for the meowing from the cats I would've gone mad by now.
>>232844
Really? Because you look like a dead body with a knife sticking out of your back.
>good one DEADpool
>Nice pun.
DEATHS:
Finn The Human
Vampire Sunflower
Detective Carlos
Faggot Anonymous
Dave
Charlie
>>232833
I have no clue what you're talking about dead man.
>>232844
Hah! You monkeys kill yourselves so well it's like I don't even need to destroy your planet.
I'm still destroying your planet.
Charlie? Charlie you bastard get back here. Where is that slimy no good freak! When I get him I'm gonna kill him! STAY OUT OF MY MEAT FRIDGE CHARLIE
>>232846
Ohh..shit
Well..I for sure didn't do that
>>232854
That's quite alright, Frank!
As detective, I will get to the bottom of these crimes! Hopefully I won't get murdered in the process!
>>232848
Whose this asshole with the dong headgear?
me in the middle
>>232864
Shit, I hoped someone would end my suffering
>>232860
It seems like Dong-head is the most likely suspect. I don't even think he's human, definently not American though.
Jesus, your face looks like a dogs asshole Detective!
>>232862
Your better. Cooler. Of my petulant little brother's Frieza Force.
>>232871
Frieza Force? Is that a hip-hop band? Or are you in Techno? That would explain your dong-esque headgear.
We're not getting anywhere at this rate. Our progress is just, too slow.
>>232864
>>232875
It isn't headgear. At all. Stop being stupid.
OBVIOUSLY the killer put small bombs in their food, that's how he could kill without raising too much suspicion.
>>232881
Forgot the picture of the hat!
>>232879
Your forehead is a penis? Are your women's vaginas the size of watermelons?
>so, are we getting anywhere?
Nope!
I got it! Let's be as obvious of a target as possible.
That'll lure him!
>>232887
W-what? Salza! Check this peon's power level. I think I'm going to kill him.
>>232900
Hah!
>>232900
TOO OBVIOUS
TOO FUCKING OBVIOUS ABORT ABORT
DEATHS:
Finn The Human
Vampire Sunflower
Detective Carlos
Faggot Anonymous
Dave
Charlie
CC
I will use my dragon magic to find the killer
>>232907
Want to get freaky? I bet I could sell your dong head in Nam' as an aphrodisiac. Those Asians will eat anything if they think it'll give them a boner!
>>232900
>>232900
D-damn it! That lure worked! That plan was too good, but nobody got sight of the killer, did they!? DAAAAAAAAMN IIIIIIIIIIIT.
>>232919
Frank! I must go!
I'm promoting you to detective while I'm gone!
CATCH THAT KILLER!
>we believe in you frank!
>Don't die, btw.
>>232919
Oh, Salza. There you are. Thank you for . . . what?
No. No, that's not posible. HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE THAT HIGH?!
>>232920
If we all dress up in suits and act like a bitch we will survive. If this asshole can make it so can we.
>>232917
Christ is that a luck dragon? Are you from a never ending story?
>>232929
>>232931
That's right Jebronis. That's DETECTIVE Frank now.
I suggest we tie up Dong Head and see what he knows?
Let's waterboard him!!
>>232938
I can breathe in space. I can certainly breathe underwater.
Kia ora. I might be able to help if you want.
>>232944
Another one of Earth's leaders falls.
>>232941
Yeah but are you heat resistant! I suggest we tie him up and torture him with a blow torch!
>>232952
I can survive being thrown into the sun, I doubt a simple human constructed blow torch will even make feel a tickle.
>>232944
Oh shit! Did you see that guy? He looked tough as balls!! This murderer must be a gigantic asshole!
DEATHS:
Finn The Human
Vampire Sunflower
Detective Carlos
Faggot Anonymous
Dave
Charlie
CC
Tipene Solomon
It totarry wasn't me. Honest!
>>232952
>>232962
Never mind the dong brain look! A chink!! Waterboard him!!
My gun will keep us safe from his slant eyed ways.
>>232961
Maybe the murderer is poisoning victims using some kinda unknown drug? Or maybe he's a trained sniper? Or MAYBE he's a super powerful alien with a penis for a head that has barely any weaknesses?
>>232974
The latter is not only prosperous, but even if it were true his head certainly doesn't look like a penis.
Oops, watch the eye beams. Coming on your right.
Y'all suck, dat's why evry 'un dyin.
>>232969
No, I'm actuarry innocent! Ignore the bodies on the streets, they're just decorations.
>>232985
>prosperous,
Ooh, what a silly mistake. I meant to say preposterous.
>>233020
Deadpool, you're back. Good to see you.
>>232974
>>232993
Maybe it's a slip of the tongue? Obviously the killer is a real COOL dude wouldn't you say? Admit it! Unless you'd rather defend yourself. Where WERE you at the time of the incidents?
Besides Laser beams don't exist! I think I'm fine!
>>233022
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, HIS POWER LEVEL IS TOO STRONG!!!!
>>233022
O-OH SHIT WE WERE WRONG THIS ENTIRE TIME!
>>232985
>>232992
These guys are still my number 1 choice for suspects
Should we just kill them?
>>233027
Somebody listened to me. Well good the murderer is dead!
>>233027
Blegh!
>>233020
Why couldn't this guy die?
>>233031
Goodbye!
>>233033
>>233023
HEY!
LISTEN!
You'll have to be the detective now, Battler. Help us catch the killer. Make sure to visit the Great Deku Tree.
>>233033
Ey, d'tectiv is ded yo. Not Jimi cus' Jimi smart like dat.
>>233033
>>233036
S-SHIIIIT THE DETECTIVE IS DEAD. THE KILLER IS STILL ALIVE!
>>232992
IT COULD BE ONLY YOU YOU AND THAT SPIDER MAN ARE THE ONLY ONES LEFT!
>>233042
Well, that's very racist, aru. It's because I'm Chinese, right?
>>233046
It's a common fact that we Japanese hate the Chinese, but that isn't the only reason! All of the evidence points to you!
I hope that the MURDERER doesn't KILL anyone else or anything h-heh. Especially not ME.
PLEASE do your best to find this madman.
>>233055
NO MR.PEPE!
>>233053
Aiyaa, since when is it MY faurt?
In the meantime, does anyone want to hear a joke, aru?
>>233074
It better be a Spider-Man meme
Avatar Korra, reporting for duty.
>>233079
Here we go, aru:
Two guys walk into a bar. One is an alcoholic, the other's in the hospital!
Sadly, I don't have access to my past lives anymore, so I'll need information from you all to help catch the killer. Were there any clues found yet?
>>233082
It's totarry not me!
>>233083
I doubt it. You squinty eyed weak asians are always the most suspicious.
I've got my eyes on you.
>>233088
Kek
It still wasn't me.
>>233096
OHHH MYYYY, ARU~
>>233096
I'm starting to change suspects. It has to be you spidey. Only a meme of a man such as yourself can be the criminal.
>>233103
IT'S THE FEMINISTS! THEY'RE AFTER US ALL. STICK WITH ME, COMRADES. I'LL KEEP YOU SAFE.
>>233104
Those dirty feminists tried to steal my picture, but I got it back.
>>233111
...YOU.
>>233111
I should have known. Under that tight spandex laid a liar. A liar THAT IS FEMALE.
Spiderman? More like Spiderwoman!
>>233118
And where were you while this was happening, discount Harry Potter?
>>233106
I'll put my faith in you, my friend!
>>233111
SOMEBODY ARREST THIS MAN!
>>233124
Scouting the area. Only a fool goes in unprepared and without a gameplan.
Once I saw the woman was dead, I ran in to protect the good men still left. AND YET I FIND THAT ONE OF THEM IS STILL A WOMAN. Nefarious trickster!
>>233131
Jimi trust glassman.
>>233131>3131Does that count as doubles?
>>233131
>Scouting the area while a murder's happening
I may be a paranoid dictator, but I am not a fool. It is obvious it is you.
>>233141
Now what meme should I reincarnate as?
>>233143
Bane?
>>233138Anyone? I need to know before posting.
>>233155
Welp. Out of character Anon v2c8aSVB is now dead. Before I go, I leave the message that the murderer can break the 4th wall.
>>233155
You're dead anyway.
>>233161
Say you damn chink, are we sure you're not the killer, everybody but me you, and that Jimmy has been killed by now. Unless Spidey killed himself!
>>233189
I keep telling you, it wasn't me! It was that fucking discount Harry Potter!
>>233192
Discount potter's dead, and I'll prove it! You Chinese hate the British! maybe you killed everybody to spread your communist ways!
i see a bloody man walking on the streets....people dont see him but i can see him clearly. I wonder why.
>>233229
AT LEAST PEOPLE KNOW WHO I AM!
When people see you, they ask if you're "one of those Chinese cartoons" because WE MADE YOU.
If it were't for us, you'd be dead.
>>233244
RIP MAO ZHEDONG
>>233244
Y-you were dodging the question... But now you're dead... I'm the only one left, along with Yotsuba and Jimmy! Damn... I can't even tell you how we've evolved from needing you chinks anymore.
Who is it, who is the murder! The clues have to be all around somewhere.
I'd fill this thread with bourbon if I could.
Seriously though, this board is kinda slow for quads
>>233270
can i have at least oolong tea? im still underage :c
>>233282
I'm almost surprised you're on here! But whatever, I don't mind.
>>233282
No booze for Yotsuba-chan
So let's just leave it at this. Mao Murdered everybody due to his comunist ways, then died of a heart attack due to how much of a fat fuck he was, right? Spidey was his accomplice, which is why he took the blame. When Mao realized that it would no longer work, he killed Spidey. Is that all an acceptable theory!?
>>233290
i don't understand
>>233290
Nah, there isn't too much of a motive for Mao Zedong to be the killer. 't Almost seems he was set up.
>>233294
Then who could have set Mao up? Which one of us would have a solid motive for bumping everybody off, Mr Everett?
You?
>>233301
Maybe it was you, sir?
>>233301
Welp, Jimi just keep 'ead down in bunka.
Ain't killin' Jimi if dem can't see Jimi.
>>233311
Holy shit!
oooh look what i found
DEATHS:
Finn The Human
Vampire Sunflower
Detective Carlos
Faggot Anonymous
Dave
Charlie
CC
Tipene Solomon
Detective Frank
Pepe the Frog
Avatar Korra
The Amazing Spider-Autist
Confuse Anonymous
Mao
Jimmy Corn
>>233320
Now listen here, boy. I've seen your type before. Red-head, stutters a lot, lied to get out of trouble... But I can assure you one thing.
Admit the truth now, and MAYBE we can let this slide.
>>233328
Hey you don't have any definitive proof! I'm a detective here. Like hell a detective can be the killer!
Maybe you're the one trying to pin this on me!
>>233327
You forgot Cooler and Dolfy.
*jiggle*
>>233331
Now, I never said it was definitve proof. However, I'm gonna keep a VERY close eye on you. Try not to fuck up while you're here, BEN.
>>233337
You raise a good point, I'm pretty sure you can squeeze the truth out of anybody. Try not to be too soft on anybody.
>>233346
Who the fuck is Ben?
>>233354
*boing* *boing*
[lactates internally]
>>233354
Young boy who looked like you. He gave some supplies to some bandits... I still remember Kenny's screams.
>>233364
*sproingy boingy in concern*
>>233368
I know, man. The apocalypse fucks you up after a while.
That's Kenny in the picture up there.
>>233373
Looks like a good man. I know how it feels to lose people. My entire family was all killed int he span of a day because of some big tits witch.
>>233384
*quiver*
>>233384
Oh no, he didn't die. His family did. His son and his wife, if I recall.
>>233392
Don't worry your tits are just perfectly fine. Ihihihihihi~
>>233396
*waggle*
>>233400
*jiggles no more*
>>233400
Not the titties!
>>233404
I hope, man. He should be fine by now. We're in a bad situation, but it should be a bit better by now.
>>233409
Y-yeah all of us are in a pretty situation we just have to survive and move on. For the titties.
A murder you say?
>>233419
Aren't you supposed to be deathly afraid of the murders going on, man? Try not to let your hallucinations get in the way.
>>233419
And who might you be, sir?
Perhaps it's not a person who killed these people.
Perhaps parasites are responsible.
So what do we do next guys? This blood trail is huuuuge.
>>233428
Parasites seem a bit too... Outlandish to be an actual threat.
Ebin
>>233444
You motherfucker.
>>233428
Maybe it's a posion that creats parasites!?
It seems to be a little too bloody for anything internal though. Maybe they just, I dunno, used a gun? Or some kind of trap to murder everybody?
>>233444
ARREST THIS MAN! Of course it had to be you you sick fuck. Why did you do it?
It seems there aren't too many people left to consider who the killer is. Maybe it was Yotsuba all along?
You seem to accuse everyone until they die. Maybe its you, Mr. Battler
>>233465
That's what I thought too, Pacha. But after seeing the guy and what he's been through, I can vouch for him and say it wasn't him.
>>233473
She didn't get her Oolong tea, so she killed everyone, obviously.
>>233473
To continue a perpetually unsolvable mystery!
>>233475
Though you have a point as well
Hm... This mystery is taking a long time to solve. Is the killer even here?
>>233483
The board is too slow for something like this. It will be a day untilquads happen
>>233488
Welp... im a ghost now. That sucked. Didnt even see him.
![latest[1].png](https://i.imgur.com/5K2SHuW.png "latest[1].png")
>>233489
Are you sure you just didn't see him as he kills you?
Maybe it was caused by something that was inside your body all along.
>>233493
Calm down, man. We'll figure this out and we'll do it faster than we found out what Ben did.
This is so fucking idiotic. I love it.
I am Captian Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise, We've picked up your distress signal and are here to help in any way we can.
>>233610
Oh shut up baldy.
>>233610
Thanks, man. It seems the others are gone.
>>233613
Well my rotund friend, it would seem I possess more hair than you do... making your aggression quite interesting.
>>233617
Don't mention it, it is my duty and obligation to assist all life in need.
>>233620
Nuh-uh.
So, we need to find out who this bastard is before he kills us. Anyone have ideas?
>>233624
What if we all kill each other? That way we take down the killer!
>>233621
"Computer, replicate hair directly onto my scalp."
Two can play at this game Simpson.
>>233626
Now's not the time for joking around. If he can strike at any moment, we might not be safe.
>>233628
Hmm... Wasn't there something that you always wanted but never got? It started with an F and rhymed with "Family."
>>233631
I can create millions of donuts and duff beer for free, every single day.
Would you be willing to kill for that power?
Like you killed your neighbour all those years ago?
>>233632
Oh please, that was some cheerleader at a racing event that missed the shot.
>>233633
Damn you... Ian McKellan...
>>233633
He's dead!
"Picard to Enterprise, Two to beam immediately to sick bay!"
>>233633
The one fucking time I have someone I can relate to...
So what now?
>>233636
Well now we could make room for higher quality television!
>>233636
Now we all learn the damn truth!
>>233641
...Sure, why not?
>>233642
Now, Mr. Picard, just what are you implying?
Piiikkaaaa pi pikachu
>>233649
Oh great, now we got rats.
>>233649
You know, it wouldn't be TOO unreasonable to assume that this guy was the killer. After all, electric shocks kill.
>>233657
Well aren't you jumping to conclusions pretty quickly. Aren't you an actual killer?
Piiiiiiii~~kaaa
>>233660
Shit man, you don't have to say it so bluntly...
Alright, looks like I'm the only one trustworthy.
>>233665
Yeah man, I totally believe you. Just leave the adults to the work, alright?
>>233668
Being awfully harsh, aren't you Lee? Maybe we could go drinking and get some... Shots.
>>233671
You better be-Lee-ve it.
Ka?
>>233673
Hey, what happened to Captain Kirk?
>>233675
Piii pika, pika pika pikachu chaaaaaa!
>>233676
****in' rats.
>>233675
Gone, probably. It's not like I'm Big Brother or anything, am I?
>>233677
Aaaaaand he's dead again. Jesus Christ, it's like it's the motel all over again...
>>233677
Oh great, now look what you've done.
>>233683
Pikkaaaaaa!
>>233689
And just what are you looking at me like that for? It's not my fault you shocked him.
>>233690
Pi pika pika pika pi pi pikachu
>>233692
Well, whatever it is you're saying, I guess you're not THAT half-bad.
>>233694
Chu~
>>233694
OH HE IS. YOU SHOULD HEAR WHAT HE SAYS ABOUT YOU.
>>233696
Oh, really? What does he say, Sir Mettaton?
>>233696
Computer? How the hell did you get involved in this?
Wait.. could this all be a holo-simulation gone rogue?
>>233699
OH DEAR. THE HUMANOID Jean Luc-Picard HAS PERISHED. F.
>>233696
Pi.
>>233699
Pi! Pika pika! Pi pika pi!
>>233702
DO NOT SPEAK THAT WAY TO THE U.T. UNIT 405.
This day just keeps getting weirder...
>>233704
Pika pika piiikaaaaaa
>>233707
I DO NOT HAVE A MOTHER, NOR ONE WITH BIOLOGICAL COMPONENTS FOR INTERCOURSE. ALTHOUGH I WAS MANUFACTURED BY 13 DIFFERENT SCIENTISTS.
>>233708
Pikahahahaha
>>233708
Is Pikachu seriously roasting you?
And I thought Ben was the lowest anyone could get...
>>233711
Chu!!!!!
>>233711
Comeback File 4015 opened.
LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE THE LOWEST ANYONE CAN GET NOW. HA. HA.
W-Well, before I die, can one of you please pull the trigger? I don't want to come back as those... Things.
>>233720
I DO NOT HAVE HANDS TO PULL A TRIGGER ON A GUN.
>>233720
Chuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!
>>233724
T-Then at least get Pikachu to do it.
>>233726
HE SAID "With pleasure."
>>233727
Bang
>>233730
SO. WHAT NOW ELECTRIC MOUSE?
>>233736
Pi?
>>233761
SORRY, ELECTRIC MOUSE, I WAS REBOOTING.
>>233779
Nom
