Changing your oil
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You are currently reading a thread in /o/ - Auto
Oil Change instructions for Women:
>Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches. 3000 miles since the last oil change.
>Drink a cup of coffee.
>15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change:
$20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
>>14623479
Oil Change instructions for Men :
>Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
>Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
>Open a beer and drink it.
>Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
>Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
>In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
>Place drain pan under engine..
>Look for 13mm box end wrench.
>Give up and use crescent wrench.
> Unscrew drain plug.
> Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
> Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
> Have another beer while watching oil drain.
> Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
> Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
> Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
> Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
>Remember drain plug from step 11.
> Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
> Drink beer.
> Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
> Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
> Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
>Begin cussing fit.
> Throw stupid crescent wrench.
> Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
>3000 miles
the fuck? synthetic oil can last up to 10,000 miles with no problem, we have more modern oils now, stop shilling for engine oil companies
>>14623490
> Beer.
>Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
> Beer.
> Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
> Beer.
>Lower car from jack stands.
> Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
> Beer.
>Test drive car.
>Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
> Car gets impounded.
> Call loving wife, make bail..
> 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
Knowing the job was done correctly..... Priceless
What's your point? For many cars it's acceptable to have the fuckwits at jiffy lube change the oil, plus it's cheaper and cleaner than doing it yourself. I change my own oil because I like to but that's one job I don't fault people for swinging by the mechanic for
>>14623493
Grills will believe anything the mekanik tells them.
>>14623499
Should have waited for the kicker my bad
Just as long as the bowling trophys not damaged sounds like a fine day
>>14623490
>Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
Why the FUCK do you not have a drain pan?
>>14623512
Implying it doesn't manage to spill no matter what precautions you take
>>14623490
Toppest kek
>>14623490
> Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
> Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
If I had a nickel...
>>14623612
You could afford a new oil filter wrench.
>>14623493
Found the person who hates their engine.
>>14623490
>have common sense
>know at least one jacking point in your car
>keep your tools organized and fuck the shit out of anyone who touches them
>dont reward your self with beer until the job is done
>no need for a test drive, just start the engine and if it lasts 5 mins without going kablooey and you see no leaks youre good to go.
Check m8, nigger.
>>14623632
You're just unnecessarily wasting money. You're the idiot here, son.
>>14623490
Oil change instructions for non-retarded men.
>Buy jug of oil at Walmart
>Buy oil filter from auto parts store
>Wait until you have 15 min to spare after work
>Park car on flat surface
>Reach through top of engine bay and loosen oil filter slightly by hand (because you didnt use a tool to retard it on there)
>Put drain pan under car
>Remove drain plug with wrench
>Remove oil filter
>While the engine drains, lube new oil filter oring and install oil filter nice and tight (by hand)
>Reinstall drain plug
>Pull drain pan out
>Pour oil in engine
>Pour old engine oil in backyard
>Start engine and let it run for a minute
>Shut engine off and top off oil to appropriate level
Oil price: $26 (full synthetic mobile 1)
Oil filter price: $6-7 (wix)
Total price :$32-33
Didn't even have to lift the car.
>>14624212
your car must be really high off the ground.
>>14624127
10k is full retard. No matter what. The max you should ever go is 7500.
>>14624216
About 6.5 inches, mk1 mr2.
Oil change instructions for men:
>Jack your car up
>Unscrew the drain plug
>wait for it to drain
>Unscrew the filter
>wait for it to drain
>Put filter in
>Put drain plug in
>Put oil in
>Be proud of yourself knowing some faggot at jiffylube didn't over-tighten or under-tighten your drain plug.
>>14623479
>>14623490
>>14623495
Why is this thread
True story
> Wanting to change spark plugs on car, easy $12 job, done before
> Go to Vatozone, buy plugs
> Change 3 plugs without a hitch
> Last plug seized
> Use breaker bar, didnt budge, end up twisting socket extensions
> Cuss
> End up breaking top half of sparkplug (threads still stuck inside)
> cuss some more
> buy reverse screw extractor, still didnt work
> Drive to mechanic on 3 cylinders (5 miles away), car sounds like a locomotive wreck
> Everyone giving me the weird look on the way
> Mechanic couldnt remove either
> Head tear town required, machine shop needed to remove and rethread
> $12 job becomes $600
> Cuss some more
Previous idiot who installed them must have used an impact wrench or something.
>>14623479
>Pull up to Jiffy Lube
>leave with a properly maintained vehicle
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?
jiffy lube is FULL OF RETARDS.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiCAJ8ULnaI
