I wonder what excuses ponys come up with to get out of jury dity
>>26741891
>dity
>>26741900
Well shit your right I meant to type doody there
>>26741891
>"I'm sorry, I can't be fair and impartial in this case."
"And why is that?"
>"I'm friends with the defendant."
>"I am, too."
>"I'm friends with the prosecutor!"
>"I'm friends with both of them!"
>"I'm friends with the judge. Hi mister judge!"
"Hi Ditzy- I mean wait, wait. You're all friends here?"
>"Well duh, Pinkie knows everypony in Ponyville and makes sure everypony knows everypony else! What do you expect in this small town anyway?"
>"I'm the bestest party pony!"
>God damn horses
"Is there anybody in this court room who doesn't know the accuser or the accused?"
>One pony raises their hoof
"You! Oh, thank goodness-"
>"I'd just like to say I will not be fair or impartial because I will use my right to jury veto under the belief that the government is is wrongly harming friendships."
"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE. ALL OF YOU, OUT! OUT!"
>"Are you angry mister judge? I b-brought you a muffin."
"I AM NOT- I am not angry, thank you Ms. Doo."
>You give her a pat on the head and she hums in delight
>Now where's your blood pressure medication when you need it
>>26741932
>"Trixie is obviously exempt from such petty chores for she is great and powerful!"
"Nice try. Next."
>"I'mf heer bossf *hic*!"
"Go home Berry, you're drunk."
>"I can't perform jury duty today, sir. I've got a chronic case of the lesbo."
"That is not a real disease, Lyra."
>"I left the oven on."
"That is not a good excuse to be exempt from jury duty either, Bon Bon."
>She bites her lip and glances nervously outside
>You take a look out the window to find Ponyville on fire
"I'm getting too old for this shit."
>>26741932
This. This is very true
>>26741891
>implying the judicial system cares about the opinion of the public
>implying equestria isn't a despotism of might
>implying there are any redeemable parts of equestrian jurisprudence
>>26742003
i dont know the fact theres no jury system means it cant be all bad
>>26741932
Good morning chuckle. Thank you anon.
>>26741967
>"I'm a princess."
"Princesses aren't excused miss Sparkle."
>"B-But what if I've got important, princess-y things to do?"
"You don't have any such things, do you miss Sparkle?"
"That's- I, um... No sir."
>"Mister judge, sir, Ah'm afraid Ah've also come down with a case o' tha gay."
"And I've come down with a case of my ex-wife, you don't see me complaining. Next!"
>"Owwh, shoot."
>"Good morning."
"Rarity."
>"I-"
"I don't even want to hear it. Next."
>"But my mane!"
"Shave it. Next."
>The very suggestion makes her faint
>Good, she'll be here when she's called on later
"Fluttershy."
>Meep
"I'll take that as a no. Next."
>Oh good, Rainbow Dash
"And what is your excuse, young lady?"
>She starts beatboxing
>The fuck
>"Uhn! You find me offensive, I find YOU offensive! Sitting here on the other side of the court room on the defens-"
>SLAM
"YOU BRING THAT HIP HOP RAP SHIT INTO MY COURT ROOM I'LL THROW THE GAVEL AT YOU SO HARD YOUR HEAD WILL SPIN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!"
>"Y-Yes sir. I've got no reasons to be excused today, sir. Please don't toss the gavel at me, sir."
>Why be a professional shitposter when you can go to law school they said
>You regret all of your life choices up to this point
>>26741891
"I'm sorry, I can't. I have a terrible case of.. the... breakfasts..."
>The Judge replies, "I don't remember breakfast being a dise-"
*BLARGH*
>Suddenly, a large variety of breakfast items were vomited from Anon's mouth
>"...I'm sorry what?"
>Anon is now being covered in syrup-filled boils
>His skin gains the texture of pancakes
>He smells like coffee
>"Anon do you need medical attention?"
>Anon starts shrieking in pain as his muscles tighten up and """fry"""
"Agh! The pain! The delicious, crispy pain!"
>Anon is sent to the ER immediately
>He tests positive for poison joke
>Anon is now tried for irresponsible use of poison joke and evading jury duty
"Well that backfired like a bitch, didn't it?"
>>26742058
>tfw when a delicious part of this balanced breakfast
>>26742069
Boy do I know that feel......wait is that an Earthquake or is that just me?
>>26742076
You are wanted on twelve counts of mass terrorism, thirty-six counts of treason and one count of being a silly pony. Step the fuck away from that glass or we will open fire.
>>26742092
Don't fire a single round or the milk gets it! I want a helicopter, a gps, $50 million in Canadian Dollars, and 12 dozen maple bismarcks!
It even think there is one. When they capture a villain, they do one of following
>Banishment
>Turn to stone
>Send to literal hell
>Lock up in the dungeon
>Or become friends with them
>>26741891
So it's a ditty you're wanting then?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVGUs9nQGaw
>>26742069
>balanced
You're god damn right I am.
>>26742057
"Miss Shimmer-"
>"I can't be fair and impartial if SHE'S here."
"Why would miss Glimmer being here sway your-"
>"And I won't be able to be fair and impartial if SHE'S here!"
>Houston, we have a problem
"And just what is the problem you two ladies have with each other?"
>"She's a cunt!"
>"She's a bitch!"
>All of you can suck my dick
"Okay, okay. How about I send one of you off to another courtroom, we'll go through the screening questions, and one of you will be off-"
>"No!"
"No? Excuse me?"
>"I need this! I want to prove I've changed for the better!"
>"Who the hell cares?! I want to get my grips on this dated court system and impinge my equality on the masses!"
>This is some next level autism
>You can't be doin' with this right now
"Alright, how about a friendly competition to decide who gets to stay?"
>Your voice is sweet, but it soon shows its irritation
"The two of you will fuck, and whoever manages to blow the other one's brains back into place with an orgasm first wins?"
>They turn to each other, a fire in their eyes
>"Oh, you are on. I'm gonna wipe the floor with those tits of yours."
>"Not if I skullfuck you first, sister!"
>They go at it like rabid animals, tearing off their clothes in wild abandon
>Right in the middle of the fucking courtroom floor
>Of all the times you should feel the most exasperated at this idiotic behavior
>You just can't
>Because for once, you really feel that...
>It's good to be the judge
>...
>Nah, fuck that, time to plan retirement
>>26742183
"Well, miss Applejack, as the law states you are entitled to a jury of your peers-"
>"Ah ain't bein' judged by no fuckin' pears!"
"Miss Applejack, please. Your bigotry isn't helping your case any."
>"Ah told ya that zigger deserved it!"
"You assaulted him over a bag of skittles!"
>"Those skittles tweren't Equestrian! Ya don't dare bring that zigzog shit on mah family's turf 'n expect ta get away with it!"
>You sigh
"Right, your family. Apple smuggling, bit laundering, even an underground prostitution ring run by Granny Smith! Eugh."
>"Hehe, yeah, Granny always knew how ta teach 'em well."
>She rubs her shoulder nervously
>"Still can't sleep at night 'memberin how those varmints used to sneak into mah room when Ah was but a filly-"
"Woah, okay, I've heard enough. I think it would be easier on you if you just told the truth. How do you wish to plead, Applejack?"
>"Ah' plead the fifth!'
"It's a little late for that, don't you think?!"
>You're interrupted as the Balifpone makes her way over
>"Miss, please speak directly into the microphone. The transcribers are having a hard time hearing you."
>Oh bullshit
>They don't transcribe anything
>You look over to see them smiling sheepishly up at you
>Uh huh
>Busted
>Writing their fanfiction on the job again, those little shits
"Fuck it. Break for recess. You all have two hours for lunch."
>"Who the hell needs 2 hours for lunch?"
"Nobody. It's code for I'm taking a nap. Wake me when it's time to m make bang-y noises with my gavel again."
>>26742313
>Nobody. It's code for I'm taking a nap. Wake me when it's time to make bang-y noises with my gavel again.
Thanks writefriend, I needed that laugh.
>>26741891
Whatever she comes up, she'd better sell it good. Last time I went to that shit, some lady tried claiming she was racist and the judge pressed her on it. She ended up having to serve anyway.
