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Old CrazyRain's Stories' Archives:
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Got that new thread smell in here.
>>27710433
how about a space engineer anon?
>anon crash lands because he forgot to weld the gyroscopes to his ship
>pones think hes a space king
>he just wants to find some gold so he can make some computer but the pones seem to think the copper wiring on his ship is rare and want to take it so he cant leave to find gold
>something blatently sexist happens because penis
goodnight everybody.
Can we have some cute stories about these two? (Or just about "traditional by rgre standarts" families in general)Next must be sketch about Venus, DadAnon and everypony royal at dinner after some horseywifey stuff, I think. I'm way too slow with delivering...
>>27710479
you are too good to us anon
>>27710548
If only I could draw freely in digital. But nope, only "sketches" which I cannot even try and line with broken tablet screen. Or finish properly. Kinda sad
>>27710626
we aint picky anon
>>27710463
>pones are disappoint with the lack of probings from Anon
>>27710433
We need dong ring! It's been too long
>>27710463
>>pones think hes a space king
What does "hes" mean? I haven't heard that word before.
>>27710463
>Ponies think Anon is the Prince of Space
>Equestria is attacked by the Phantom of Krankor
>Ponies in tiny shorts can no longer buy violent porn comics
>Hitler building is destroyed
>Pinkie catches Roji Panty Complex and must constantly self medicate with lacy thongs
it only took 11 posts for this thread to go to shit. Good job you guys
I may not know a lot about life, but I'm pretty sure we need more cute Luna
>”I done said it before and I will say it again Rarity, Anon don’t need those clothes of his. Stop trying to push your darn fetishist clothing on the poor colt!”
>”And like I keep trying to explain to you Applejack darling, is that you are quite mistaken. Anonymous himself is the one who comes to ME and requests such garments.”
>Sip
>”So Anon waltzed right up to you and declared that he wanted clothing that covered his body up huh? Were the socks something he wanted as well? Because I gosh darn find it mighty difficult to believe that those were his idea!”
>SIIIIIIIP
>”They were his idea Applejack, he INSISTED on having socks, because if somepony paid more attention to his words than his body, then you would know that he needs my outfits due to his lack of fur!”
>SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP
>Who knew that having your honour defended by Applejack would get so out of hand this quickly, or at the very least, be this entertaining to watch unfold
>One moment they were arguing so heatedly right at each other that you honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if it devolved into them having angry sex at each other
>And suddenly two of them were floating in the air, weird colours streaking through their manes and tails while anime-like energy lightning encompassed them and scorched the floor of Rarity’s boutique
>Funnily enough, that only caused Rarity’s power level to increase when she noticed the damage
>”Oooh this is going to be good! I brought along the popcorn, packed with butter just like you wanted.”
>Parking her rump onto the soft couch next to you with a comically large amount of snacks, Pinkie Pie takes a sip from what appears to be a beer hat, except she was drinking a mix of wine and apple juice if the juice box and bottle were anything to go by
“All I wanted was some summer and winter clothes, but this is somehow entertaining in itself.”
>>27711645
>Today had started off with you finally getting out of bed and deciding that you should get something else to wear besides the simple stuff you have on you now
>You’re not a complete slob, you do at least like wearing washed clothing, but only one outfit can be worn and washed repeatedly before it just feeeels dirty
>You thought Rarity would be delighted to help you with creating something new for you, and needless to say but the little pony was so giddy about this opportunity as she put it, that she was bouncing around on all four of her legs and cheering like she had just won the lotto
>Before you and Rarity could even begin discussing the details of the outfits, Applejack burst into the building, yelling something about you being her ‘precious and pure horsebando’
>Apple horse was very adamant about you being as pure as the driven snow
>Apparently that meant that you were going to have to freeze your arse off in winter and feel very exposed wherever you went
>You weren’t that opposed to being nudist like ponies were, but you didn’t feel comfortable with the idea that these cute little creatures, who were head height with your groin, being able to get a good look at Anon Jr
>Even your grandpa, the known and only nudist in your family, would at least put on a loin cloth or something whenever there were kids around
>You respected the man, in his own words; he didn’t want to scar the kids by letting them see old and wrinkly Anon Sr. Sr. Jr.
>”Woo! Go either one of you! Mama Pinkie made sure to bet on both of you, so don’t let me down!”
>Broken out of your thoughts of old man dong, something that you thought you would never hear yourself think about, you spy Pinkie Pie sporting two large foam fingers
>Both of them having either Rarity or Applejack is number one printed on therm.
>Well, you came here because you figured you might as well get some clothes since you came to terms with being stuck here in Equestria
>>27711648
>Maybe either of them might give you a discount after this, exposing such shameful behaviour to a defenceless colt like yourself
>While dealing with these little sexists horses can be quite adorable and fun sometimes, it still feels a bit uneasy when some of them are praised as Gods and apparently have the power equivalent to one.
>And yet here you are, watching some of the most powerful of ponies, having a shouting and puffing up their chest tuft match while you spectate, eating popcorn and wondering what kind of silly/stupid comment you could have written on some briefs for yourself
>>27711654
Hope you enjoy this weird-ass thing I wrote up at 3 in the morning while I've been off my meds for two days. Having some headaches and shit because of it but I should be alright when I see my doc tomorrow. Anyway, I wrote this because my mind thought up of 'stupid arguement but with animu powers and Anon just watching it all.'
I hope you all have a lovely day/night wherever you are, and I sincerely wish you all the best.
Anon smiled as Rarity sighed softly in his ear. The fashionista was still asleep, nestled comfortably against him. A sleepy murmur escaped her throat. Her body twitched and her tail slapped against his legs. Anon could feel her grip around him tighten ever so slightly as she wiggled closer. Without a second thought his grip tightened around her, and with a murmur of his own he nuzzled the top of her head. That seemed to calm the unicorn down as she once again went still, her chest gently rising and falling.
Though he didn’t look at the clock Anon guessed that it had to be around three or four in the morning. The night, though nearing the end of the tunnel, still held its grip on the land. The bedroom, the house and the area surrounding it were completely silent. There wasn’t a creature stirring, not Opal, not Rockington, not the beautiful unicorn in his arms. The only one that didn't have the common sense to be in bed right now was him.
He had been finding himself like this a lot lately; just holding onto Rarity as he waited for the sun to rise. As he had grown older he had found himself needing less and less sleep, though it wasn’t for lack of trying to get his eight hours. He didn’t know what was the problem. His bed was as comfortable as could be, Rarity didn’t snort or kick him and it wasn’t like he slept all through the day.
Perhaps it was just something that came with getting old. Maybe his restless mind was trying to tell him something. The house might have been build on ancient deer burial grounds and the angry spirits could have been keeping him up.
He didn't know, though he secretly hoped it was the third option.
>>27711582
> Shy around Anon
> Hides partway behind doors, under tables, etc, peeking out at him and talking in a quiet voice
> Calls him "Lord Anonymous" even though he has no formal title
> Leaves notes from a "secret admirer"
>>27711714
A yawn escaped his throat as he began to run his fingers through his bed buddy’s hair. In a few hours the sun would rise and its light would come through the window behind him. Its golden rays would wash over the two of them. Rarity’s nose would scrunch up as the light would hit her face and she’d wiggle closer against him to get away from the light. Eventually the rays would bath the whole room in such a way that she wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore. After that her eyes would open, tired and usually irritated, and she’d get up and rush to the bathroom so that she could get ready and start her day.
A ghost of a smile came to Anon’s face. Her eyes would be half-lidded and unfocused, her mane would be all over the place, she’d have a patch drool on her chin and cheek and the fur on her face would be so messy that he couldn’t understand just how she managed to come out of the bathroom an hour later looking like a million bits.
Truly, at the moment that she opened his eyes to look at him, as frazzled and as [i]exposed[/i], she was the most beautiful creature in the world.
He perked up as a noise shattered the silence of the house. Two sets of hooves could be heard charging down the hallway toward their bedroom. These weren’t the footfalls of an adult pony however, but the steps of two young, excitable children.
“Mommy, mommy! Daddy, daddy!”
lap
lap is that you
>>27711733
Before he could lift his head from his pillow the bedroom door was thrown open. With a bang the edge of the door slammed against the wall. This caused a picture to fall to the ground with a crash.
Rarity tensed against him as she went from fast asleep to wide awake. “Anon? ANON! We are being robbed dear!” she cried, her head swiveling as she held onto him. “Call the authorities! Call Twilight! Call—”
Anon watched with bemusement as two sets of eyes poked up over the end of the bed. They were pretty little blue eyes. Excited, happy, awake even at this hour and not able to sit still no matter what, he knew the owners of those eyes.
“Exclusive, Bernina, what did I tell you two about trying to scare your mother half to death?” he asked as he held a shaking and shimmering Rarity close.
The eyes looked at each other before they looked back at him. “Only do it on Nightmare Night,” two shrill, adolescent voices said in unison.
Rarity’s ears perked up. “Exclusive? Bernina?” she said, exhaustion thick in her voice. “Oh my goodness you nearly gave me a heart attack!”
Regret could be seen in the two pairs of eyes. “Sorry mommy,” one of them said.
“Yeah, sorry mommy. We didn’t mean to scare you,” the other added.
Anon yawned into a hand as he looked over at the clock that he had sitting on the nightstand by the bed. It was four in the morning in the dot. Even though his beautiful little girls were early risers, just like their mother, not even they got up this early in the morning. Nuzzling Rarity’s cheek, he racked his brain, trying to remember why the two would have gotten up at this ungodly hour.
>>27711763
Both of his daughters, two pure white little unicorns, both of which had his jet black hair and sense of humor, slowly climbed up into the bed. Little Exclusive, her mane unruly like it always was, let her horn spark to life. Her little sister, Bernina, who still hadn’t gotten her cutiemark, though he expected to hear the good news any day now, scrunched up her little face in concentration as her horn also sparked to life. There was a pop, and with a burst of magic a two plates of food appeared in front of both him and Rarity.
“Happy parent’s day, mommy and daddy!” Bernina chirped, dragging a hoof across her snotty nose.
“Yeah, happy parent’s day!” Exclusive cried with a smile.
There were two pancakes, misshapen and burnt black, on the plates along with some fruit that looked like it had been hacked to pieces and some yellow, flaky mess that might have been hash browns. It wasn’t the most appetizing breakfast that he had ever seen, and he couldn’t help but noticed that both of his daughters were covered in black soot and batter, but Anon couldn’t help but smile all the same.
“Parents day?” Rarity muttered quietly, her hamster still half asleep. “What on earth are the two of you talking—”
“It’s our anniversary today,” Anon helpfully supplied, kissing his wife’s brow.
Rarity's mouth became an O shape. "Oh my goodness," she muttered. "Is it that time already?"
“Yeah! It’s your annie-ver-serie!” Bernina said, looking so happy that she might burst. “Me an’ sis remembered aunt Twily talkin’ about it the other day so we make you two breakfast in bed!”
“I made the pancakes!” Exclusive said with a wiggle. “Bernina made the other stuff!”
Rarity, though her eye twitched at the mess that her daughters were making of her covers, smiled. “Aw, well thank you ever so much, my dears,” she said as she touched a hoof to her chest.
“It looks… delicious,” Anon added.
>>27711797
The sight of the girls smiling hugely brought a smile to his face as his little girls beamed. No doubt the kitchen looked like tornado had gone through it and he wouldn’t be surprised if his daughters tried to get out of school today to help the two of them “celebrate” but he couldn’t help but grin as he held his disheveled, tired, beautiful wife against his side.
Rarity, though she no doubt had the same thoughts about a messy kitchen as he had, looked up at him with a smile. It was a smile that not very many saw, a smile that she first shared with him when the two had decided to move into together. Anon had also seen that smile when he had said yes when Rarity had offered him the wedding ring that he still wore on his right hand.
A warmth filled his chest as he leaned down and gave Rarity, his friend, his bed buddy, his wife, his love, a kiss. Rarity, with a giggle, closed her eyes and kissed back. Just like the first time he kissed her a jolt raced throughout his body. He could feel his heart beating in his chest. He could feel his wife’s mane, still shockingly soft even after all of these years together, tickle his face as she leaned up. In the background he could hear his daughters jagging and making other disgusted noises but he ignored it.
Rarity, her eyes still closed, wrapped her hooves around his neck. Not breaking the kiss, she laid the two of them back into the bed and under the covers.
In a few moments the two would have to get up. They’d have to choke down what their daughters had made, they’d have to race downstairs and clean up the kitchen and get both of the girls ready and out the door for school. But, under those soft silk covers, for those few moments, the husband and wife just simply laid together and loved.
Breaking the kiss, Rarity pressed her forehead against his. One of her eyes opened, filled with warmth and love and joy “Happy anniversary, you old ruffian.”
>>27711830
Anon cupped his wife’s cheek, enjoying her scent and her feel and her warmth. “Happy anniversary, you old lady you.”
>>27710463
What about /k/ anon in RGRE?
>Anon going home from his job as a waiter cos that's all he could get
>It's OK, the tips are great.
>Late at night cos he's a man and men are 87% more likely to work over time than women.
>Drunk mares stalking Anon
>Anon realizes
>Takes wrong turn into ally
>Surrounded by mares
>"Just relax pretty colt, we'll be gentle."
>Anon ain't havin it
"HEAR ME OFFICER WILSON! HELP ME IN MY TIME OF NEED!"
>Puts two into one of the mares
>Gun jams before he can shoot another
"But Hks aren't supposed to jam!"
>Police arrive to find 4 mares crying and rolling on the ground
>1 bleeding and injured but not dead cos Anon got a meme caliber and couldn't train often enough, so he missed most important things.
>Anon bawling on the ground because he spent thousands of dollars on a gun they said wouldn't jam.
>Mares get PTSD, and tell the story of why you shouldn't stalk colts.
>The mare he shot, get's him a wedding ring.
>Yea he accepts
>Anon gets a 1911 like he should have in the first place.
>Their first son gets a glock for his birthday.
>Anon ok with it, until he finds out it's a .40.
>Waifu reminds him that if he wasn't shooting .40 that day, he would have never gotten married.
>Laugh track plays.
>Anon rails his wife in front of his kid.
>They grow up to be successful, but mentally injured.
>>27711833
Alright, this is the only chapter that I'm not sure about, I might go ahead and completely overhaul it. Maybe, maybe not. I don't know.
That being said, this whole little story is all done. Expect more lifter Anon in a couple of days
>>27711833
A very cute story LaP. Some spelling mistakes here and there, but a very cute story. Would have liked a gag bit where Anon and Rarity didn't wake up together after they moved in (experimentation by Twilight?) to see what happens, but that's just me.
>>27711667
No, it was good. I like your writing style, Slownon.Welcome back, I hope.
>>27711730
>"We doth thing that thou art comparable to a moonrise, for thy presence heralds serene beauty and intimacy. For soothe, please respondeth."
Thing is, Luna has spent the last thousand years all by herself, so concepts like being physically hidden from another person are a bit alien to her.
>Anon receives note
>Only one mare speaks like this, and she's hiding behind Anon's legs as he reads the note.
>She's doing her best; she was her forelegs over her eyes and she's muttering "thou cannot see Us" under her breath
>>27711733
>“Mommy, mommy! Daddy, daddy!”
oh shit
>>27711763
OH SHIIIIIIIT
>>27711833
What a cozy, happy ending. I was not expecting that massive jump in time and sudden kids, but I'm okay with it.
>>27711848
The only thing I did not like was that you introduced the concept of aging and brought up the idea that one day ponies will grow old and, eventually, die. Leave me to my timeless, eternally-young hugbox.
>>27711844
i like the way you think anon. needs more moist nugget fanboys if you want to be super /k/.
>>27710479
Forgot to ask: what to sketch next after Venus Daddy request?
>>27711848
Cute and cozy. But I've honestly expected some more shenanigans and situations related to that "strange anomaly" of Anon and Rarara, or Twilight experiments with their problem, like >>27711849 suggested, not straight to happy ending
>>27706148
awww, Im flattered my drunken smut would inspire more (better) smut.
stay frosty, Frosty
>>27711730
>>27711882
Oh god I need this!
>>27711833
Yuss. Mommyrity.
>>27711645
"Applejack?"
>Applejack's head whips over to you, hoof pulled back mid-punch, and mouth open mid-insult.
>"Yer father's a wh-dangit, Anawn, can't y'all see Ah'm 'fending yer honor?"
>You cock an eyebrow, too amused to be upset.
"Applejack."
>Applejack trots over to you after giving Rarity one last mean look.
>"Ah mean it! This here filly wants to dress you up like some kinda stallion of the night!"
"Applejack, let me talk."
>The orange mare stomps her hooves like she's trotting in place, seemingly outraged at your behaviour.
>"Not 'til yer done-"
>You reach down and scoop Applejack into your arms and boop her with a free hand.
"I need clothes, Jacks. I don't have fur like you guys, so I need something to cover up or else I'll get cold.
>Applejack doesn't bother struggling to get out of your embrace like she usually would.
>You guess she's really passionate about this weird "clothes" thing.
>"No, you don't! Ah - Ah have lotsa blankets down at Sweet Apple Acres! Jus' come back with me an' Ah'll keep you all warm and crispy, y'hear?"
>She reaches out and manage to grab your cheeks with both her hooves.
>"C'mon, Anawn, Ah don't wanna see another nice colt ruined by temptation."
>This is the dumbest argument you've ever been a part of.
>>27711833
Great story, but i have one question: Where is Sweety Belle? At least at the begining of the stuff, she should still be living with her sister.
>>27711833
>dat pic
>Rarity will never try to hid on top of your white sheets so that she can playfully ambush you
>You will never play along despite her mane and tail giving her away>If you go to Equestria, ponies will probably find you just as unlikable as humans do here on Earth
>>27712055
I'm so glad you did actually read it.
Not-drunken? yes
Better? Ehhh, debatable. I liked your descriptions a lot, and it didn't seem like many people were into mine anyway.
>>27712276
Nah, fuck that I was into both.
>>27712225
Yeah probably.
>>27712175
The silliest pony.
>>27712175
>>"C'mon, Anawn, Ah don't wanna see another nice colt ruined by temptation."
"Don't worry, Jacks. Temptation won't ruin me; I always say yes.Just ask your sister."
>>27712567
>"Applebloom, Ah thought Ah taught y'all better than that!"
>>"But AJ! He done said it was how his species says 'hello'!"
>>27711882
>You read the note a second time and tuck it away in your pocket.
>You can feel Luna, pressed up against the back of your legs, trembling in fear.
>The poor girl thinks she's hiding from you.
>"Th-thou cannot see Us..."
>Dammit, Luna.
>You clear your throat loudly, causing Luna go to completely still.
"My! What a lovely note that was. If only I knew who had written it; I might give my secret admirer a great big kiss on th-"
>CLOP CLOP CLIPPITY-CLOP SCAMPER SCAMPER SKID CRASH
>And off she goes.
So I remember from an episode of the Magic Schoolbus that bird tails are used as rudders. How does this affect pegasi?
>>27712922
Magic bullshit.
>>27712875
moar when
>>27712953
Hopefully soon anon. There is never enough cute Luna in the world.
>>27712922
I dunno, maybe their tail causes enough drag to be useful in that regard?
>shave RD's tail
>she spirals out of control until it grows back
>>27712816
"In my defense, Jackie, I am chocked full of protein and essential amino acids. Honestly, I'm the best thing for growing fillies like her."
>>27712953
>>27712875
>You are Celestia, and you're having breakfast with your sister.
>"Oh, sister, you don't understand!"
>Luna pushes her food around her plate, absent-mindedly playing with her breakfast.
>"He's so kind to Us! He's funny, and smart, and we're such close chums!"
>You just smile indulgently at her. Once every couple hundred years, a colt will catch your sister's fancy and she'll obsess over him for decades.
>"We even... We...."
>Luna blushes, which isn't something you see every day.
>Despite her, to be quite frank, coltish behaviour, Princess Luna does not blush.
>"We gifted to him a note from his 'secret admirer'."
>Oh Faust, Luna. What are you, 200?
>"And he hast no idea 'twas Ourselves!"
>You sister clops her hooves together excitedly before attacking her meal with gusto.
>"Didst thou see how-"
>>"Morning, girls!"
>With a lurch and a loud thump, Luna dives underneath the table and scatters her breakfast all over the floor.
>>"Uh..."
>Anonymous holds up a letter. The parchment is from her personal stock, custom-made only for her.
>>"I received a letter from my secret admirer."
>You can't help but shoot a smirk down at your sister, who has taken to hiding around your rear hooves.
>>"On a completely unrelated matter, have you seen Luna anywhere?"
>From below you can hear "Thou cannot see Us..." being muttered.
>>27713028
>"See, Applejack? Yer always wantin' me t' eat healthier and that's what ahm doin'. I ate up everything he gave me."
>The littlest Apple's eyes glaze over, her nostrils flare and she looks at you.
"Its practically a public service, Jackie."
>"Every... last... drop. And there was so much of it! You'd a been proud of me, Applejack, if you weren't so jealous."
>"Now, lissin here, mis-"
>"And another thing, since he's so healthy and good for fillies ahm gonna take him over to see Scoots and Sweetie. Us fillies need him more than you do, anywho."
>Applebloom snorts and takes a challenging step toward a surprised Applejack, who backs confusedly away from her suddenly assertive little sister.
>"C'mon Ahnon, yer gonna take care of all my friends."
>>27713028
>Anon's fluids have unique and powerful magical properties to them when used right
>His sperm is packed full of pony nutrients
>His sweat has 200x the amount of salt in it that a ponies, making it a potent drug
>His tears show that you've made a colt cry and it makes you feel really bad
etc etc
>>27711882
>>27712875
>>27713100
This is some premium grade cute
>>27713102
oh my
>>27713121
I'm pretty sure this means more, we need more
>>27713112
>A line of mares saying mean things to Anon to make him cry
>They loudly apologize as they collect his tears in little vials
>>27711833
Dude never mind this ending. That What is Love? ending though.
>The Luna romance just got dropped even though it was originally the premise.
>Possible Twilight/Flash romance stopped progresing.
>Celestia and Shining Armor never found what was missing from their lives.. Never found out what
>corrupt noble clans plot-line dropped.
>Bat-horse disappeared.
What the fuck man? I wouldn't bother bringing this up if I didn't respect you so much. You're better than this.
>>27713542
A story doesn't always need to be wrapped up in a nice little bow, Anon. Sometimes an ending can leave some questions and some things for interpretation
So, random bit - I was going through my pastebin, and realized that "Just Talk to Him" had like... 3 missing posts. So I updated that shit.
http://pastebin.com/NeEq9VCT
Is full and complete. I'm also working on green for tonight.
>>27711667
always amusing to see anons honor defended
>>27713121
>>27713307
Yes, we need moar. Pls
Green. Not the largest update, I just need to get things moving so I can end the story.
>"Your contianer is here," the mare says, passing you an oddly shaped jar, "and you are free to use whatever materials are around. If you need something different, feel free to ask and we'll check our supplies."
>With that, she walks out and you lock the door behind her.
>You never thought it would be this awkward to get your genes tested, but here you are, in a room filled with porn.
>Setting the collection jar on the table for a moment, you look around, scanning the numerous magazines on the tables.
>Oh, is that a Victor's Secret catalogue?!
>Picking up the catalogue, you flip through the pages, looking at the fashions of a few years ago.
>Until you hit some pages stuck together, reminding you of why you're here.
>Letting out a sigh, you move the jar to a useable spot, close your eyes and think of Cadence.
~~~
>"No need to worry about your husband, Princess," the doctor says, eyeing her tools and your nether regions they are in, "The room is specially made so nopony can peek on him or just walk in."
"That's nice," you say before a shiver runs down your back at the cold instruments, "but I'd rather not have you talking too much while you're working on me."
>"Sorry, sorry, just force of habit, you know. So many mares worried about their colts."
>Your insides spread just a little more, pushed by the implements of medicine.
>"Alright, we're ready for the main part now, just stay as still as you can, it may feel weird, but it's perfectly harmless."
>For a moment, you feel nothing but the slowly warmed instruments inside you, but soon a soft pressure forms inside you.
>It doesn't expand, but it moves slowly, in places you've never felt before.
>After less than a minute, it vanishes, and the doctor sits back.
>"Whew, that never gets easier," she says, "but it's done. It'll take us a week or so to do our testing, but in the mean time, you're free to keep trying."
>>27713651
>The implements are removed, and you find yourself clenching a bit, to make sure they're all gone.
"So that's it? They did it with blood, way back when."
>"That may have been different testing. This is genetic compatability, specifically to find troubles getting pregnant."
"What were you doing then, if I may ask?"
>"Well, if we want to test with you and your husband, we need some genetic material from you both, specifically the sexual kind of material."
"Wait, does that mean you...?!"
>"Yes, I extracted a very small number of eggs from you. And before you panic, this won't do much of anything, since you Alicorns can, at least in theory, breed for life."
"I see. Do we need to make an appointment for the information when it's ready, or will you send mail or something?"
>"We will send you a letter, but if there's anything major, we'll have to ask you to come in."
>Giving a nod, you walk back to the main lobby, where Shining is reading a coltsmo magazine.
>"Done dear?" He asks, looking up the moment you enter the room.
"For now, yes. It'll take a bit before they have the results ready," you say, picking your saddlebag up from the rack.
>"So I heard. Hopefully it will be good news."
"I hope so as well," you say, giving his cheek a quick nuzzle.
~~~
>Trees pass by as you, Luna and Venus ride the train to Ponyville.
>Since this was the last week of your honeymoon leave, you figured heading down to visit Rarity for Nightmare Night would be nice.
>That, and Luna plans on visiting there on Nightmare Night anyways, since that's where the old castle is.
>Something about collecting a bounty from foals.
>"Dear please, come join me, there's plenty of room on the pillows."
>Looking over, you see your wife beconing you from a massive bed of pillows and blankets.
>Apparently Celestia set this up for her, "just in case".
>Venus is entertaining herself with a comic book, Flying Nocturnal Mammal Mare, by the looks of it.
>>27713659
>Sliding off your seat, you shift over to the pregnant pony holder that fills up most of the floor.
>She may still be early into it, but you can tell her belly is a little fuller than usual.
"What's up, my little moon pony, feeling lonely on the soft, warm floor?"
>"Oh quiet you, is it wrong for a mare to want to cuddle her colt?
"If it's in public, yes, or so I've heard."
>Instead of a retort, she just grabs you with magic and pulls you down into the softness.
>Both the pillows and her.
>It's not long till Venus decides to join in the family snuggle pile, and the three of you doze off till you arrive.
~~~
>Holding up a finger to shush you wife and daughter, you open the door and duck inside.
>As the bell dings, you hear, "Welcome to the Carousel Boutique, where *Gasp* Anon, what are you doing here, you should have sent a letter, I would have had tea ready, and..."
"How are you doing, Rarity?" you ask, ignoring her panic.
>"Darling, I don't even have biscuits," she says, heading for the door, "I'll have to run to SugarCube Corner, and..."
"Rarity, calm yourself," you say, grabbing her shoulders, "We're going to be here for a while, there's no rush for anything."
>"But..."
"Don't go colty on me, Rarity, I need you to make us costumes."
>Her eyes suddenly gleam with inspiration, a smile forming.
>"Yes, I can do that. But still it's impolite of me not to at least put tea on."
>She heads to the kitchen, while you find a seat, along with Luna.
>"Miss Rarity, is Sweetie Belle here?" Venus asks, following the fashion pony to the kitchen.
>"She's out with her friends, darling, but she'll be back by dinner time, I'd guess."
>"Daddy, can I go out and play with her?" she asks, turning to you.
>Scratching your chin, you rise.
"How about you and I go get snacks, Venus, and if we find Sweetie on the way, you can join her."
>"Do I get to have one of the snacks if we do find her?"
"Maybe."
>>27713666
>A lower lip sticks out at you, and after a moment, you sigh.
"Okay, fine, you can have a snack if we find her."
>Venus rushes to the door ahead of you, and before you leave, you turn to your wife.
"Try not to bug her with your cravings too much, Dear."
>Luna smiles and waves you off with a hoof, so you step out into the sunlight.
~~~
>"Princess Cadence, while we were going over your data, we uh..."
"You found what?"
>"Well, against every gene set we had, yours couldn't pair with any of them."
"None of them?"
>The doctor shakes his head, "No pony, griffon, minotaur, we even tried changeling, which is VERY adaptive, but no luck."
"What about Shining, is he normal?"
>"There's no problems with your husband. His genetics line up with what's expected, which unfortunately means he doesn't match for you, either."
>Letting out a brief sigh of relief, you find yourself staring at the ground.
>That means you're the problem, but you've had a child before.
>It must mean that Anon...
"What about Human? Do you have any of that genetic?"
>"You mean the prince?" The doctor asks with a raised eyebrow, "No, we don't have a record for him, why?"
"He impregnated Princess Luna, perhaps his genes contain some secret."
>The doctor taps her hoof on the table in thought.
>"Hmnn, perhaps, but we can't just ask a colt to give us his genes."
"I'll ask him, we are sort of family, after all."
>"In my experience, it's best to be gentle when easing him into the idea. A lot of colts are rather reserved about, you know."
"At least my dear Shining has nothing to worry about."
>Getting to your hooves, you shake hooves with the doctor, and head for the door.
>"Oh, before you go, Princess, the sooner you get the sample the better. Your sample will only last a few days longer before we'll need a fresh one."
>>27713100
>"W-we would... like it if thou wouldst accompany Us to the late-night carnival tomorrow evening."
>Luna wrings her hooves together, her metal slippers making an unpleasant grinding noise.
>"We promise to win thou a fluffy stuffed pony i-if thou accepts Our invitation, Lord Anonymous..."
>This is just too cute.
>>27713670
>Your lower back shudders, and you nod.
>That's not something you want to feel again.
>Now to find Anon.
>And convince him to cum for you.
>This may have seemed easier before you thought about it.
~~~
And done for now. There won't be a whole lot left to the story, but the ending should solve most things.
Pastebin updated soon.
>>27713561
>A story doesn't always need to be wrapped up in a nice little bow, Anon. Sometimes an ending can leave some questions and some things for interpretation
There's a difference between leaving things up to the reader's interpretation and aborting arcs and putting characters on a bus.Not sure which one is this because I didn't read your story though.
>>27713679
>"Anon, quick!"
"C-cadence? What are you-"
>"I need to to masturbate!"
"What."
>"RIGHT NOW!"
>>27713721
"I'm way ahead of y~aaAAH!~ou."
>When you woke up this morning you were feeling great, screw it you felt like you were on top of the world.
>The papers all over Equestria were abuzz with your latest letter.
>A voice in the back of your head constantly told you to be the bigger man and let the situation end.
>But to hell with that noise.
>Yearling was the one that decided to poke you, metaphorically that is.
>Any response short of launching her out of a trebuchet would be an insult to yourself and her.
>But alas, you would need to figure out a new way to torture the pony.
>And as luck would have it you got your chance at breakfast.
>You were the first one in the kitchen, so by default the obligation of making breakfast fell on to you.
>Besides you enjoyed cooking, in a way it was almost relaxing.
>Not that you’d let anyone know that.
>This world was already bad enough with the whole “Get in the kitchen colt” thing.
>Grabbing some stuff from the pantry and fridge you began prepping the grand old traditional Mouse breakfast.
>Soon enough you had a few golden cakes going and the haybacon sizzling for Spike and Twilight.
>God you miss bacon.
>But in this world there might be a chance you could get told off by porky for even looking at ‘em funny.
>You think… you might want to check on that later just to be sure.
>It was only a minute before you heard the pitter patter of hooves and claws entering the kitchen.
>”Something smells good.” A certain purple horse remarked eyes still fighting to open.
“Breakfast will be ready soon, can you both go and set the table?”
>”On it boss.”
>With a mock salute from the drake, they were both off.
>Twilight struggling to follow behind him.
>>27713764
>Balancing three plates full to the brim with pancakes, hash browns, eggs, and haybacon, and tofu breakfast sausage you entered the dining room.
>Twilights face was planted firmly on the table and a small snore could be heard coming from her direction.
>Aw Twilight’s not a morning horse.
>Maybe one day she’ll discover the joys of coffee.
>Spike looked just as bad.
>Except he looked like he was about to…
>”Beeeeeeerp!!!”
>A scroll shot out of the green flames.
>Maybe because it was so early and his reflexes weren’t as ready, the scroll flew right through his outstretched hand and smacked Twilight right on the head.
>Twilight didn’t even react for a second, eventually one hoof raised acted like it was trying to swat at whatever hit her, but it was a half-hearted attempt.
>Placing the plates down you snatched the scroll up and opened it up.
>Seeing as Spike was now busy trying to inhale the contents of the plate in front of him you decided to read it out loud.
“My Dearest Twilight, the time has come again for the Grand Galloping Gala. I realize there’s a lot going on in your life, but I really hope you can make it.”
>The Gala huh?
>Twilight told you stories, scary, disturbing stories about the gala.
“Enclosed are tickets for you and the other elements. I was also hoping to catch up with Anon and Spike so please let me know if they would like to come.”
>In that instant your brain, despite many years of alcohol abuse decided to help you out.
>This was going to be a very interesting and fun time.
>Provided of course Celestia allowed you to bring a date.
>>27713749
>You are Cadence
>You've got cum on your face
>You feel very conflicted right now
>>27713772
>You were working on your latest installment of the new Daring Do.
>So naturally you must be the best author to have ever graced the world.
>It had been a couple days since you left your house now.
>Partly because the inspiration had struck you to sit down and write, but also because of that darn stallion.
>UUHHHHHH!! He got under your fur.
>You honestly didn’t expect him to keep up his ridiculous lie and continue to send more stuff to that accursed paper.
>So what if you had started it!
>It didn’t give him the right to just make up random lies like that!
>You nearly fainted when you read the one before your self-imposed isolation.
>”Oh yeah, Yeary, my pet name for her, she just loves to cuddle. Let me tell you! Sometimes she would just pull me aside in public for some snuggle sessions.”
>THE LIES!!!!!
>He will pay, maybe not today, or tomorrow, but one day that darn colt will lay before you.
>Slicked up and out of those slutty clothe….
>NAUGHTY THOGHTS!!!
>Bad Yearling.
>A knocking on your door however meant that you had to however interact with others.
>Opening the door you relaxed.
>It was the mail-mare.
>Probably another bunch of junk-mail and fan letters.
>”Good morning Ma’am, just one today.”
>After a quick thank you, you were back in your study looking at the scroll.
>But it was the seal on the scroll that made you hesitate to open it.
>The thing came from the Princesses.
>Why the buck where they sending you a message?
>Oh buck! What if they believed the stuff in the papers? Were they going to banish you?
>>27713778
>Taking a deep breath you unsealed it and began reading.
>Your eyes skimmed over the neat writing.
>”My little pony, You are hereby cordially invited to attend the Grand Galloping Gala as the date of Mr. Anon E. Mouse. You will find your ticket enclosed, I’m quite looking forward to meeting you. Signed Princess Celestia.”
>Oh buck me.
>Getting banished actually sounds appealing now.
>That colt, getting Princess Celestia involved in your dispute.
>Well guess what? You were going to go.
>After all, with all that garbage he fed to the papers, his marefriend should be by his side there.
>In the time between when you first read the scroll from the princess and the day of the gala you got some work done.
>You wrote several new books that somehow, despite you not really making them that scary, continued to send shockwaves throughout the pony world.
>Thankfully you put a nice big disclaimer on the first page that you were not liable for any side-effects of reading your books.
>Then there was the fame.
>Your popularity grew, as did your savings.
>At this rate you’d have enough money to move out and buy a house.
>Anon the homeowner had a nice ring to it honestly.
>A nice place with a picket fence and an annoying neighbor named Steve.
>It was every mans dream.
>But house hunting would have to come later.
>Sitting in a lone compartment on a train you toyed with the ticket to the gala, flipping it this way ad that.
>You caught yourself short of folding it into a plane a few times now.
>>27713784
>Twilight insisted on teleporting you there, but you’ve seen the “Fly”, if the Blum didn’t do it right then neither would you.
>Dressed in a suit that was a gift from a certain fashion horse you definitely turned some heads.
>Then again because of being the only human around you turned heads regardless.
>Oh well, you still looked good.
>And tonight you were going to have fun.
>Mingle with some friends and maybe scare a few ponies.
>Not to mention the free food.
>And there was your little “prank”.
>You had made the mask from one of your first books and were planning on scaring a few of the party goers.
>No way was that going to blow up in your face.
>Hell if Yearling decided to take the bait maybe you’d get a chance to scare her as well.
>And if she didn’t… oh well you would still crack a few jokes at her expense.
>Boy did you know how to hold a grudge.
>In a very dark room in the Royal Canterlot Castle sat a certain pony.
>A very unhappy and tired pony.
>The table in front the pony lay littered with empty coffee cups and take out.
“Tonight cannot come quickly enough.”
“Soon Anonymous will arrive and we shall finally get our revenge!”
>The door to room opened casting the darkness aside with light.
>”Luna you need to star.. euughgh WHAT IS THAT SMELL?!?!?”
>Celestia recoiled at the odor coming from inside.
>”Sister dearest, I believe a bath before the Gala is in order.”
---
And done for now. Pastebin is updated: http://pastebin.com/ivLcbi1h
>>27713679
Are we voting what happens? If we're voting what happens my vote is to tell her to fuck off.
>>27713749
>"Cadence, honey, how did you get that sa-"
"I came on her FACE!" anon beams.
>"She never lets me come on her face..."
And that's the story of how Cadence slept on the couch for a week
>>27713830
No, you're not voting. I know what I'm doing for the rest of the story, I just need the drive to write it.
>>27713721
>>27713749
>>27713777
>>27713838
Very amusing.
Deadlifts
>>27713880
>Not telling us to go to sleep
It's like I don't even know who you are any more.
>>27713880Go to bed, Anon
>>27713918You too
>>27713676
Moar
>>27713864
>No, you're not voting. I know what I'm doing for the rest of the story, I just need the drive to write it.
Not the first time I've been disenfranchised this year.
>>27713659
>>"Yes, I extracted a very small number of eggs from you.
how
>>27714140
Magic
>>27714140
Magic.
>>27714140
Vigorous oral sex.
>>27714361
A.k.a magic.
>>27713676
>"H-here! 'Tis a stuffed pony made in Our likeness!"
>Luna shoves the stuffed pony onto your chest and tucks your arms over it in a hug.
>"We would not be offended if thou wanted to cuddle it in thine bed at night."
>Luna's heavy blush bleeds through the dark blue of her coat, clear to you despite how dark tonight was.
>"We want to impress upon thee that We will always be there if thou has a bad dream..."
>Aww.
>AWW
>God, this mare right here.
>Someone's earned her kisses.
>While Luna's distracted with her adorable little spiel, you lean forward and cup her cheek.
>"Lord Ano-"
>You silence her with a peck on the lips.
"Thank you, Luna," you say as you pull back, "that was very sweet of you."
>You feel a bit cheeky, so you wink at her stunned form.
"I'll be thinking of you tonight."
>Luna reaches up to cup her lips with a hoof, but she pulls away at the last moment.
>"B-by the Ancients..."
>>27711210
What we need is new art.
Kinda surprised this thread hasn't attracted more drawfags.
>>27714454
Could you say her honour has beenbesmooched?
>>27714454
this pleases me
>>27712211
Canon says she only stays with her sister sometimes like when the folks are going on vacation.
Last thread gave me some ideas...
What ponies could legitimately be changelings in ponyville?
>>27714631
Bonbon(Several of her are often seen around)
Fluttershy(Antisocial around ponies, but loves affection, so she turns to animals for food, since their love is fairly unconditional)
Mrs. Cake (That fat is from too much love, explains the twins, since changelings have both sides. Mr Cake is a little underweight due to direct love feeding.)
like, 5-10% of background ponies.
>>27714650
For my plan it gives bon bon a good reason to be shitty to anon, and is a fair reason for flutter and cake to not be shitty.
I'm thinking of just having one hive, and making it a place that changelings can go and be 'safe' though may not be the best place to be.
Would the changelings who live outside be be rogues who abandoned the hive, or would it make more sense that chrysalis isn't shitty, and just wants what's best for what are legitimately her children weather its with her or without?
>>27714493
Oh you, Shukaku. That made me chuckle.
>>27714518
But wait! There's more!I've decided to turn that scene into a whole entire story.
>You are Anon, newest human in Equestria (which is to say, the ONLY human in Equestria) and current resident of the Princess's Castle in Canterlot.
>Despite your rather alarming and sudden appearance in the middle of breakfast, you and the Royal Sisters get along very well.
>"Lord Anonymous? Art thou awake?"
>Especially you and Princess Luna.
>She's a sweet little pony; awkward and still learning how to adjust to modern living.
"Come on in, Luna. I've been awake for a while."
>Silence.
>Your door remains closed, and you KNOW you didn't lock it.
>"Ha-hast thou made thyself decent for a mare's eyes?"
>You're stricken with uncertainty.
>You hate questions that make you question things you've just done.
>Like all those times you forgot your student number during university exams.
>No time for that, Anon; time to double-check that you don't have your cock out or something.
>Shirt? Check. P-jay-jays? Check. Underwear beneath those pants? Check.
>Your sleeping outfit present in its entirety, you nod confidently to yourself.
"I'm all covered up, Luna. You don't have to worry about fainting at the sight of me."
>Your door swings open to reveal a slightly-peeved Luna.
>She's got a frowny face and her cheeks are puffy and you REALLY want to play with her ears.
>" 'Tis not for Our sake, Lord Anonymous. We worry only for thine coltish virtue."
>She hops up onto your bed and plops her rump down next to you and leans up against your pillows.
>You reach under your bed and pull out one of your old story books from way back when.
"Luna, the only ponies who approach me in this castle are you and your sister, so you don't have to worry about my 'coltish virtue'."
>>27714684
>You flip through your book and try to find your bookmark.
>As usual, it got loose and fell in between the pages.
"And you don't have to call me 'Lord' Anonymous, you know."
>You reach the end of the book without finding the bookmark. You sigh in irritation and start your search again from the front; but this time, you're a bit slower.
"I'm not nearly important enough to garner a title." you mutter, more to yourself than anything.
>Luna's hearing, already superior to your own as a pony, picks up on your half-spoken sentence easily.
>"Th-thou art to Us, Lord Anonymous."
>You jab your thumb on the page you're looking through and look over to Luna.
>She catches your eye and, a blush blossoming on her dark blue features, jerks her head down to look at your book, which you now have resting on your lap.
"That's really sweet of you, Luna." you say, reaching your free hand out to rest on the top of her head, "Thank you."
>"Th-thou also..."
>Her usual regalia is absent this morning, which is usual for when she visits you.
>You suppose she's trying to learn how to dress (or undress, in this case) casually, and the alien who is as ignorant to how modern Equestria works is as good a practice dummy as any.
>It's just as well that you know as little as she does; you're less likely to judge her for when she slips up.
>>27714678
The changelings in ponyville provide food for the main hive, since the small town has less guard and more friendly folk. Most food is gathered passively from the general populace, but there are instances like Mrs. Cake who can keep her colt looking thin while still feeding.
>>27714694
oh shit why isn't the third part posting
>>27714694
>You remove your hand from Luna's head far too soon for your own liking.
>Luna seems to feel the same way, however; she struggles to push her head back into your retreating appendage, even when it ends with Luna almost tumbling into your lap.
>You chuckle good-naturedly and turn your attention back to your book, only to find that your hand slipped at some point and all your progress searching for the bookmark has been lost.
"Well," you sigh, closing the book on your lap, "I've lost the bookmark."
>You turn to face Luna quickly enough to catch the look of disappointment on her face.
"Is there any particular story you want to hear, or would you like to start from the beginning?"
>Luna's disappointment blooms into excitement, and her eyes light up.
>Did she think you weren't going to read to her just because you lost your bookmark?
>"Which would take longer, Lord Anonymous?"
>Aw, is this her game?
"Starting from the beginning."
>Luna wriggles her bottom into your sheets, working her way into a more comfortable position.
>"Let us start from the beginning, then. We art eager to learn Our letters this morrow."
"From the beginning it is, then."
>You clear your throat and flip to the first page of the first chapter.
"Goodnight Moon. By Margaret Wise Brown."This isn't just a one-shot; there's more to come.Fuck you, >>27713634, you posted that image before I did and gave me trouble when I was trying to post this post.
Here's the pastebin, btw. http://pastebin.com/8CMW0icz
I hope y'all are ready for a ride.
>>27713803
haha noice looking forward to more
>>27714747
Strapped in and ready to go.
>>27711848
So what was it that caused the sleepwalking to begin with? Or is this gonna fall under the bs "better left to the reader's imagination" category?
>>27714734
My feels are ready.
>>27714734
>Fuck you, >>27713634, you posted that image before I did and gave me trouble when I was trying to post this post.
Sorry
>>27714796
Something something fate/Twolot/other something something
>>27714888
>because dad said so
There's your answer.
It's the Grineer, Anon
>>27714888
Vigorous oral sex.
>>27714867
You WILL be sorry. I'm going to cyber-bully the HELL out of you as soon as I figure out how to do it.
>>27714734
I'll post more tomorrow. I can't decide if I should stick with Luna's ye-olde-english script or if it'll sound better in modern script... or if THAT will take away from how "Luna" her inner-monologue would sound.
>>27714938
I'm willing to live with that. I choose to believe that Twilight was making Anon sleepwalk to HER house, but she fucked up hard and got Rarity instead.
>>27714888
I did call it, didn't I. Twilight shipped them because princess of love foalsitter and she's the only one they'd go to about magical causes because princess of magic.
>>27714140
The egg retrieval itself is a minimally invasive surgical procedure lasting 20–30 minutes, performed under sedation (but sometimes without any). A small ultrasound-guided needle is inserted through the vagina to aspirate the follicles in both ovaries, which extracts the eggs.
[Spoiler]AKA Magic[/spoiler]
>Rainbow Dash keeps invading Anon's house to sleep on his super-comfy furniture
>It doesn't matter what Anon does; there is no window locked enough, nor is there a door closed enough to keep Rainbow Dash from being aggressively lazy in and around Anon's house
>Anon finds her on top of book cases, on top of fridges, in his bed, in his underwear drawer, in his closet, on top of his face when he wakes up in the morning, etc
>Also she make a bunch of sexist remarks and constantly asks Anon to go make her a sandwich
I just want Anon to deal with Rainbow Dash sleeping in his house against his wishes, okay?
>>27714734
This is so adorable it's physically painful. I can feel my skeleton trying to burst through my skin and search in vain for something cute to hug.
>>27715107
Sorry
>>27712276
I enjoyed it too i just usually stay deep in the lurk but ill speak up if it helps provide more green and/or clop both are great.
>>27715291
>have you ever read something so cute your skeleton burst out of your body?
>>27715118
Neat.
>>27713679
>Karma
>"Thou canst escapeth the law, Anonymous!"
>You run into Day Court as quickly as you can, Luna on your heels.
"Celestia! Thank god it's you! I need help!"
>>"Anonymous? What's the-"
>Luna crashes into you, unable to stop on time.
>"He bippity-boppity-booped my snootie!"
>Gasps ring out from all the nobles.
>Celestia gives you a very disappointed look.
>>27713803
I'm loving it so far keep it up!
we need anon dating a pony, but to get back at them he waits till they go to meet the parents to let it all out.
>Twilight knocks on her parents door
> As you wait for them to answer you bend down to twilight's level
"Hey, twi, remember all the times you lectured me for over an hour on mundane things"
>"They are not mundane, Everypony should know how to properly bookmark..."
"How you had me take cooking lessons because I didn't know how to make pony based foods?"
>"And now you cook..."
"Or how they forced me to eat food that was borderline poison because they though I was on a stallions diet and that short hospital stay"
>The gears in her head turn
"Or how you left me on the table in the basement for 2 days strapped to it because I fell asleep and you got an emergency summons?"
>Her eyes open up wide, about to say something, the front door opens
>"Why hello twilight, and you must be..."
"Wazzup ma zigga, my names anon, and who might this very buckable mare be?
>Both look at you horrified
>Twilight's mom knows only the letters sent about you and how much twilight is in love with him, so she soldiers on, trying to be polite to this... not quite sure what it is.
>Twilight SAID it was a stallion, but its acting like a mare... a pigmentally challenged mare
>Sensing this awkward will only be resolved with an introduction
>"Why thank you..." Cutely shaking her head a bit "...I guess, I'm twilight's mom..."
>Anon looks to twilight and...
"Shiiiiit twi, if you told me your mom was this hot I'd have tried to herd with you two earlier"
>Anon looks at twilight with a shit eating grin
>Twilight looks as though you just told her pet died and then proceded to ask what she wants for dinner
>Twi mom is a very strange mix of flattered, horrified, hopeful that anon is not a mare
We need more creative revenge
>>27715765
Revenge is a dish best served with garlic bread.
I'd read it.
>>27715765
>Creative Revenge
Gives me an idea
>Be a mare who has just struck out. Again.
>You just don't get it
>sure you were never swimming in Colts before, but you could at least get a date on occasion
>Now it's like they all look at you like you're diseased
>You'd checked everything before you went out tonight, you look and smell fine.
>You weren't drunk, though with how many times you'd crashed and burned lately, you felt the need to get that way before the night was out
>With a sigh, you dejectedly go back to polishing off your cider
>You hear a colt give an exaggerated gasp nearby and can't help listening in
>"She didn't!"
>"She did!"
>Oh great, it's the one you were trying to get a date with a minute ago, and he's talking with some other colts
>and...Anon?!
>How did you not notice him earlier?!
>he's taller than anyone else in town!
>Buck it, he's even taller than Celestia!
>But somehow he can disappear into the crowd when he want's too, even with his fake marely attitude.
>Oh shit he's talking, what's he saying?
>...
>Oh no he didn't.
>...
>He did.
>He is.
>He's trash talking you to those colts, and he's probably done the same to every other colt in town.
>Now that you think about it
>Your relationship problems didn't start until after he got here.
>and up until a colt knew who you were they seemed kinda normal...
>for a colt anyway, who even understands how they think
>Anon was even more unfathomable than a regular colt
>His mind was so convoluted and confusing you were sure that even the other colts didn't understand him.
>Where were you? Oh right, they only got weird after they seemed sure that you were...well...*you*
>It's Anon, he's been warning all the colts in town about you
>filling their innocent ears with lies and slander!
>What did you ever do to him to deserve this?!
>You see anon get up and as he walks away from their little discussion, he looks straight at you.
>He gives you the evillest smirk you've ever seen in your life
>>27715765
kek
>>27715972
Going behind someone's back and spreading lies about them isn't that creative.
This Anon sounds like a dick.
>>27714888
Well, can't argue with trips. Something something it is.
>>27716598
But he's not lying, she admits that she's a shitty pone, but no one ever finds out until after she finishes. Anon is just ruining her game.
>>27710463
>they don't end up worshiping CLANG
do you even SE?
a more plausible scenario:
>anon gets lazy
>attempts to use ship AI to dock with space station
>several years pass
>somehow end up in ponyville
>fuck you, Keen
>>27716598
>>27716744
It's probably a mix of both. Some truth and some lies, mixed together, and embellished into stories that Anon tells some stallions, and then the gossip mill makes sure all of them know.
>>27716744
Where does she admit anything?
All I see is generic pickup artist for whom Anon has some agenda to fuck over
Maybe mention what Anons motive is, either from him, or what the mare thinks it would be. Cause right now it seems like he's being a cunt for the sake of being a cunt
>>27716962
I didn't bother to figure out the actual motive, but just vaguely assumed it was something similar to all the sexist bullshit Anon's deals with in other greens.
Maybe they used to date, and had a bad breakup over it.
I was more aiming for Anon figures out that if the mares are going to be such bitches to him over not acting like a stallion, he can get back at them via the stallion's by acting just like the mares expect stallion's too. Via gossip and petty bullshit.
If I actually had any skill as a writer, maybe I'd try a green where an Anon figures out that he can talk a whole bunch of stallions into helping to defend him from Mares making his life difficult.
>Pushy mare shows up to put Anon in his place and stop whatever foolishness he's up to this time
>Discovers a small herd of colts telling her to stop harassing the poor dear
>>27717074
Honestly, it's a simple enough fix
>Your relationship problems didn't start until after he got here.
That implies nothing more than he showed up, and started a rumour mill. Simply add some context like thus -
>The first time you saw him, strutting into a bar like he owned it, covered in clothes
>Even wearing socks. In public!
>So its not like you could be blamed for your assumption he was an 'exotic escort'
>Or his reaction, much angrier than a stallions would have been
>Dumping your cider on his shirt and calling him a teasing whore...
>Ok, that was on you.
I know stupid sexism mares are the goto, but you still should establish it. Though ideally better than that green I posted- I ain't a writer or done good with English
>>27713457
>Mare's attempt to make anon cry.
>They fail.
>Be anon
>This is pathetic.
>"Well you'll never go home!"
"I actually can i live with twiggles, ill go home right after this."
>"I-i ment you're planet!"
"Oh, well good thing i hated earth anyway."
>"Well, Well everypony will always see you as a monster and never love you!"
"I fuck about 3 mare's a day and have fucked both the royal sisters 7 times, and got dash waiting for me back at her place for when im done."
>"W-well you dress funny!"
"At least i can change clothes, you'll always have a ugly coat and main unless you dye it."
>Be moon dancer.
>your now crying after trying to make a colt cry.
>Y-your coat's not ugly is it?
>>27717309
>insulting second best nerdhorse
>not fucking her instead
its like you're not even human
>page 8
>>27716765
>Anon wants to mine the moon for platinum so that he can stop using hydrogen engines
>Doesn't bring enough hydrogen to fly along the moon
>Is stranded until the stars align so that he and NMM can return to Ponyville
>>27717309
>Insulting ponis
>Ever
Disgusting.
>>27718209
>anon is refining gold in the middle of the night so he can get off the horrible ride that is pone planet
>pones are to scared to get near the loud machine and want to get the stallion away from it
>>27718257
>>27718209
>Anon arrived at the season 1 start
>Those four stars, coming to aid NNM's escape? He was one of those.
>The other three were pirate ships coming to tear up his shit he had built on the moon previously.
>Saved NMM on the promise that she'd teach him how to breath in space.
>Woops
>>27711850
Thanks buddy, that's real nice and uplifting to see after the headache of the last couple of days. Honestly I am not sure if I will officially be back to writing here anytime soon. Probably lurking and the occasional one-shot. Glad that you like my writing style, I feel like I have to apologize for any grammatical errors present, it isn't my strong suit. And lastly, whoever you are, I hope you have a lovely day and best wishes to ya.
>>27718268
Keep going shits like from Homeworld religion, all gods and heroes are ships and commanders.
Multi-mare Assault.
>>27713542
Wait, What Is Love? was that human/Cadence sequel story on FimFic, right?
If that's the ending, man... what a crap-out.
>something something ponies don't like baths something RGRE something something Anon bathes ponies
>>27718468
>"Quick! It's his one weakness!"
>>"Oh, no! He's a bigger slut than we planned for! Ahh~"
>>27718612
>Ponies can't swim / can't swim well unless it's related to their cutie mark
>Cue Anon deciding to take a quick dip in a nearby stream/pond
>Ponies panic and think that Anon's going to drown
>>27718482
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
No more
>>27718724
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQITWbAaDx0
Is desustorage down for anyone else? I wanted to find stories where ponies think Anon can't swim but no dice
>>27718816
Domain name got fucked by the registrar over cp accusations.
Use the alternate at cuckchan.org
Also update 4chanx so it points at the new domain too if you use that.
>>27718816
It's apparently kaput, friend.
Apparently the new hotness is cuckchan.orgIt's listed as desustorage.
>>27713100
>attacking her meal
>''OH MY GOD IT COMING RIGHT FOR US''
>''FIRE ALL PEAS NOW NOW NOW''
>"FIRE THE CARROT CANNONS
>two minutes later
>''please no more please no more''
>a lonely pea sits on the battlefield
>it was a massacre
>it dident even flinch
>POW
>ded
>the end
>>27718842
>>27718859
Thanks buds
POP!
>With the kind of reflexes that you didn't know you had, you managed to twist your body and land on your hooves before you hit the ground
>Your friends, however, weren't so lucky, all of them hitting the dirt rather hard
>"Omph!"
>"Bucking-"
>"My word!"
>Weee!"
>"Dangit Twi!"
>...
>Alright...
>That teleportation could have gone a little better...
>Blowing a bit of your mane out of your face, you looked up to see that you were now standing outside of Anon's gym
>Well, the landing might have been a little bumpy but at least you didn't accidentally teleport anypony to Canter--
>"YOU MOTHERFUCKERS GET OUT OF MY FUCKING GYM RIGHT NOW!"
>You couldn't help but jump as Anon leapt to his feet, angrier than you had ever seen him
>In fact, you think this was the angriest that you've ever seen ANYPONY
>There were veins bulging from the human's forehead and neck, his eyes were wild and furious and if you didn't know any better you'd say that he was foaming at the mouth
>...
>Yep, he was foaming at the mouth...
>Breathing hard, Anonymous stared at his gym with the kind of look that promised not very nice things
>...
>You'll talk to him in a minute...
>You turned your attention away from him
"Are you girls alright?" you asked as you reached over and helped Applejack to her hooves
>"The trip coulda been a little better but I'm fine," the farmer dryly remarked as she set her hat properly on her head. "Are ya alright over there, Pinkie?"
>The party pony, looking dazed, nodded
>"Yeppers!" she said with a wiggle. "I managed to land on something super, duper soft!"
>From underneath her, Rarity groaned
>"Sweet Celestia above, Pinkie! What in EQUESTRIA do you eat?!"
>"I eat lots of things Rar--"
>"It was a retorical question, dear. Now could you PLEASE get off me?"
Rainbow Dash, who thankfully didn't look any worse for wear, was frantically looking around
>>27718999
>"Fluttershy? Fluttershy? Hey, here the heck is Flutter--"
>You and the other girls jumped as the sound of metal screaming filled the air
>Your heads snapped over toward the Quill and Sofa's store
>There was Anon, shirtless, with a street lamp in his hands
>...
>Where...
>Where were his pants?
>Where did his pants go?
>He was wearing them just a second--
>...Wait ...
>The colt just RIPPED a BUCKING STREET LAMP out of the ground!
>horseapplesabouttogodown.ohnoes
>Twitching in rage, Anon slowly made his way toward his gym with his newly acquired weapon in hand
"Aw horse apples," Applejack muttered under her breath. "Here we go."
>"CARAMEL! MR. CAKE! FUCKING THUNDERLANE! GET YOUR ASSES OUT OF HERE!" Anon roared, swinging the street lamp around
>Rarity, the first one to snap out of her shock, stepped in the giant stallion's path
>"Anonymous, dear, I understand that you are upset--"
>[Angry Human Noises]
>"--But you must approach this with some tact, simply charging--ohmygoodness!"
>Not slowing down at all, Anon continued forward
>Rarity, with a surprised yelp, latched onto one of his legs
>This, of course, did nothing to stop him or even slow him down
>[Apoplectic Human Noises]
>"Anon! Anonymous! Please! I don't want to see you in the newspaper again! Applejack! Twilight! Please help me restrain this stallion before he hurts somepony!"
>Though your common sense told you to stay away from the angry stallion who had just ripped out a bucking street lamp from the ground you leapted forward, your horn glowing
>Applejack, using her silly pony powers, pulled out a lasso, quickly throwing it over his shoulders
>As she did that you cast a spell that would keep Anon's feet glued to the ground
>[Irate Human Noises]
>Your eyes widened as your spell shattered into a million pieces as Anon just kept stomping forward
>>27719008
LaP I will name my children after you if this story ends with Anon beating the SHIT out of those stallions.
>>27719008
>ohshit.scroll
"Anon!" you yelled as Applejack was dragged along. "Anon, I know you're mad but you can't just go on a rampage."
>With a flap of your wings, you took off into the air and flew over to the angry human
>You understood that he was upset but you weren't going to just let him go and hurt a bunch of stallions
>Maybe they deserved it but violence was never the answer!
>You were sure if you just let them cool off for a little bit you could go back into the gym and--
CRASH!
>Both you and Anon stopped as weights went flying through the gym's windows, shattering the glass into a million pieces
>"This is a stallion's world!"
>"Down matriarchy!"
>"BUCK MARES!"
>"MUH INNER BEAUTY!"
>Both you and Anon looked at each other
>Though you didn't think it was possible, he looked ever more angry as he looked at his now broken windows
>"Those cost three hundred bits a window," he said
>You could hear the metal pole in his hand screeching in protest as he squeezed it so hard that his fingers left marks
>...
>Oh buck
>You ALL were going to be in the paper at this rate
>Again
>"Anon! Anon! Can you hear me you bucking housecolt!"
>You turned your attention back toward the gym
>Through the broken windows you could see dozens of stallions staring at you, dumbbells and barbells and plates in their hooves
>"Thunderlane? I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OUT OF MY FUCKING GYM I'M COMING IN YOU CUNT!" Anon barked, shoving you out of the way
>"This is for the good of stallions everywhere, Anon. You'll see that someday."
>"GIVING CHILDREN DRUGS AND FUCKING UP MY GYM ISN'T HELPING ANYONE YOU STUPID FUCK! NOW GET OUT HERE AND TAKE YOUR BEATING LIKE A MAN! ALL OF YOU GET OUT HERE!"
>"I'm afraid we can't do that, Anon. We're making our stand here and there's nothing that you can do about it."
>>27719042
>"Nothing I can do about it? Oh that's where you're wrong twinkle dick," Anon growled, taking a threatening step forward. "There's a lot--"
>"Bring out the hostage!"
>Anon stopped in his tracks and you find yourself falling to the ground as you watch the stallions drag Fluttershy into view
>The mare was red-faced, shaking and bound up tightly in a series of giant rubber bands
>...
>What was Fluttershy doing there?!
>You could have swore you teleported her with the rest of you!
>"Fluttershy?!" Rainbow yelled, her rosy eyes blazing. "You buckers let her go before I go over there and teach you--"
>"Your threats mean nothing to us, you pig!" Caramel snapped, poking his head out of the broken window to stare hatefully at her. "We're not going to be shackled by your oppression any longer!"
>"YEAH!" the stallions yelled
>"We want what is rightfully ours and we want it now!"
>"We want a stallion in charge with some power!"
>"We want better jobs!"
>"Higher wages!"
>"I want mares to stop ogling me whenever I put something cute on!"
>"We deserve to be treated equally!"
>"MUH FREEDOMS!"
>"You let Flutters go right now so I can kick your ass!" Anon snarled, waving his lamp post around
>Thunderlane poked his head out of a window
>"We can't do that, Anonymous," he said. "We need her as leverage so when we talk to somepony important we can get some CHANGES made."
>You could see Fluttershy repeatedly mouthing "oh my goodness" as she looked around at the big, burly, angry stallions all around her
>There was a blush on the mare's face and, if you didn't know any better, you'd say that her wings looked just a little bit sti--
>Wait...
>You literally have a riot on your hooves...
>You should probably do something about it
"Gentlecolts, please! Why don't you come out here so we can ta--"
>>27719056
>"Buck off, Twilight!"
>"Get lost tubby!"
>"We don't want to talk with a chubby princess like you!"
>Hey now...
>You took a few hasty steps backward, your ears pinning themselves against your head from the rather hurtful insults
"Well, if you don't want to talk to be then who do you want to talk to?" you asked
>"We wanna talk to Princess Celestia!"
>"Yeah! We wanna talk to the mare who's oppressed us for so long!"
>"We're gonna make her listen!"
>"She's gonna give us what we want or we're gonna boop this mare senseless. SENSELESS!"
>"Bring us the princess!"
>"Bring us Celestia!"
>"MUH COVETED RIGHTS!"
>"Oh my goodness they're becoming erratic," Rarity said, stepping forward so that she was side-by-side with you
>"What an' the sam 'ell gotten them in such a tizzy?" Applejack grumbled as Anon pulled off her lasso
>"What are we gonna do, Twilight?" Rainbow demanded.
>You bit your lip as you looked around the empty street
>What were you gonna do?
>What were you gonna do?!
>Something like this wasn't suppose to happen!
>You just wanted to help Flutter Butter out by seeing what was wrong!
>Noticing that you were breathing hard, you sat down, closed your eyes and did those breathing exercises that Cadence had taught you to do when you were little
>No...
>Freaking out wasn't going to help
>You needed to be calm
>You needed to come at this with a rational mind
>If you didn't then not only would Fluttershy be in trouble but this whole thing could get REALLY out of hoof
>Anon, who still had a death grip on that lamp post, looked down at you
>Though he looked mess than happy his rage had cooled somewhat
>He might not have been known for his temper but you were guessing even he didn't want something to happen to Fluttershy
>>27719056
aww not flutterbutter
why flutterbutter
>>27719081
oh wait a minute
she seems to be enjoying it
nevermind then
>>27719077
>That mare wouldn't be able to take a single boop, much less the dozens that she'd probably get if you weren't careful
>"What are you gonna do, Twilight?" he asked
>You looked down at the ground, thinking as hard as your thinker could think
>That was when it hit you
>You had an idea!
>Looking up at Anon you found yourself smiling
"I'm going to do what my mother always told me not to do, Anon," you told the giant stallion. "I'm going to tattle."
>>27719117
Is this going to be one of those things where Celestia gets involved, gives stallions actual responsibilities and they all realize its not what they wanted?
>>27719117
Alright, I'm done. More later. And just for the record, in case anyone was wondering what this is, this is a continuation of Get Cutter Get Butter. An Anon was asking that I mark what I post so they'd know what they were reading so I figure I'd do that.
>>27719132What happened with the story you finished on fimfic LAP?Did you get tired of it?
>>27719144
I don't know what's got everyone in such a tizzy about it. I liked how I finished it
>>27719158
>you will never impregnate your waifu
>>27719173
It was a nice ending, the one about Anon and Rarity waking up in the same bed morning after morning. Was a cute, sweet ending. I just think people have an issue with a lack of problem solving, rather than the ending. I think they liked the ending, but would have liked a few more days exploring why they woke up in the same bed before jumping to the ending. Personally would have liked to see some of the shenanigans that Twilight might have pulled to test out various hypothesis.
>>27719211
That's not the story they're talking about, anon.
>>27719229
Then which on? He's got a number of stories.
>>27719206
Pregasi. Hyuk hyuk.
>>27719245
Pregnant pegasus pony does not appreciate your jokes.
>>27713102
My dick is solid from this, MOAR?! also pic related.
>>27719269
>*Groan*
"Awww...."
>Rainbow Dash looks up at you and huffs, resting her chin on the fence. "S'not funny."
>Shifting your grocery bags, you run your fingers through her hair - feeling her gently lean into your petting
"I know, I know. But look, you're mostly done-"
>"I haven't flown in WEEKS, Anon!"
"Mmm. I mean, I've seen you hover and glide-"
>She stomps her back hoof, pouting. "N-no... not since Twilight caught me gliding down the stairs. I'm fully grounded now. Can't even leave the yard 'cept to go to the hospital."
>You sigh, making a mental note to talk to Twilight about her dominance issues
"Well... maybe I can pick you up? My dad did something like that when I was a kid-"
>"Nnnh. Any pressure on this little bastard and I feel like I'm gonna hurl."
"Awwh..."
>"...we're only having A FOAL. ONE. I don't even care - AJ can have her 5 foals for the apple clan-"
>You chuckle, reaching up to rub her ear with your thumb
"Well, I remember reading something about foal heat-"
>"Don't you DARE, Anon. I'm serious-"
"Mmm, you say that now, but having a miniature version of you that thinks you're literally a goddess isn't so bad."
>She smiles. "Yeah... still. Being Grounded sucks."
"Yeah. But I got you that green tea hoofindas ice cream you wanted."
>". . . will you-"
>You smile
"Yes, I'll feed it to you. Let's hit the couch."
>Today was a comfy pregnancy kinda day
>>27719375
Sweet.
>>27719375
My heart
>>27719129
>"What do you MEAN I'm not qualified for this job?! I never had trouble getting work until that PIG Celestia gave us equal rights!"
>"B-but I don't WANNA be a sewage worker! That's so icky!"
>>"What? No, look, here's my paystub. See? We worked the exact same hours and we hold the exact same position."
>"...but that's a new one, right? Stallions only earn 0.77 bits for every bit that mares-"
>>"Nope. It's the pay I've always earned. You DO realize that it's illegal for a company to pay its workers differently based on race and gender, right?"
>"W-well, YEAH, but that.... what?"
>"Sh-she HIT me!"
>>"Caramel, you hit her first."
>"But she HIT me!"
>>"Well, what did you expect is gonna happen when you start a fight?"
>"I LOST the domestic abuse case?!"
>>"That's right. There are recordings of you threatening and beating your wife. It's very clear that you are the abuser here, not her."
>"But... but.... But what about the charges of assault against her?"
>>"Dismissed. She was defending herself after you started hitting her."
>"I can't believe I'm in here for ten years..."
>>"Hey, kiddo, what're you in for?"
>"....abuse. B-but she had it coming!"
>>"Really? How's THAT work?"
>"Haven't you heard of pre-emptive self-defence? I felt threatened so I-"
>>"Hey, you're that Caramel colt! I heard about you - you beat your wife half to death."
>"W-w-well, sh-she was b-being very aggressive t-to me, a-an-and... and I...."
>>"Celestia. You're a real piece of work, you know that?"
I haven’t written green in a long time, and never in this thread, but here’s a little green I put together based on a goofy idea awhile back. Enjoy!
……………
>It’s that same place
>You walk past it every fucking day as you stroll through the south side of the market, a good 250 meters or so to the left of Bon Bon’s ultra-passive-aggressive sweet shop
>It was so out of place in a town like Ponyville, a tiny tavern-like structure that sunk into the ground next to the antique store, almost begging not to be seen
>You are Anon
>And you are curious
>Walking with a very talkative purple horse, you try to make out the sign on the door as you go by
>”A.J.F.F.M.”
>Ok that shit just piques the sense of intrigue, and you know you have to check it out
>You start to walk over-
>”Hey Anon! Where are you going? I thought we were heading back, it’s getting dark.”
>You roll your eyes
>Since arriving, you’ve been crashing with Twilight in her sell-more-toys castle
>And because of that, and your lack of a job, and reversed-gender notions of these crazy tiny horses, she believes she has to-
>Ahem. You do your best in Twilight voice in your head, playing back the memory
>’Support the poor alien colt, who needs a strong mare to be the rock for him to lean on.’
>Ugh
>So needless to say she’s been treating you like a “proper stallion, m’lord”
>You turn to her
“Yeah I was just gonna check this place out Twi, we walk by it almost EVERY day so I just wanna see what it is. Could be like, one of those cool ma-and-pa restaurants that’s really tiny but really good or somethin’.”
>Her eyes widen
>”You want to go in to A.J.F.F.M.?! Anon that is no place for a stallion let alone a-“
>Please don’t bow
>Nope she bowed like a sperg out in public, spaghetti rocketing everywhere now
>”Proper gentlecolt. If you want to go out why don’t we just head to that Mareisian place you like-“
“Nah I’ll just be like a minute, Twi.”
>>27719916
>Her eyes narrow
>”No. I said it’s not safe.”
>You stare each other down
>And you bolt
>She doesn’t manage to catch you as you rip the cumbersome door open and slam it in her face
>You scramble to find a lock, and see a rusted-
>KER-CHLINK
>Oh still works, rad
>Props to you going commando today too, good call
>Free-ballin’ gives you that slight edge of speed
>You can barely hear Twi raging on the other side of the door
>”OPEN UP ANON THIS ISN’T FUNNY! GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW YOU COLT OR I’LL-“
>Well someone’s teats are twisted
>You turn around an investigate the room
>It looks like a dilapidated reception area, with old-timey furniture and décor straight from the 20s and 30s, but somewhat dirtied and gritty
>You can hear club music in the background
>You kinda like it
>You stroll forward to see a bored-looking blue and pink mare leaning on the front desk
>Her ears perk up when she sees you, and her tail whips up a storm
>D’aw
>”W-well hi there! I’m Checkered Sapphire and welcome to A.F.F.J.M.! Hee! You got the bits mare?”
“Actually I’m a guy. Er- stallion.”
>She looks like somebody just glassed her upside the head
>”O-o-ooooooooooooooooooooh. Ok. Cutie, you aren’t looking for some scumbag marefriend here are you?”
>Her eyes go from piteous to sultry
>”Because I know how tough it can be, seeing that. Maybe you need a tougher, more friendly mare at your side. Maybe walk ya home dear?”
>She struts over to you whilst trying to imitate a human woman, strutting and swaying her hips
>Unfortunately, she is as graceful as a whale being thrown down a hill and her hooves clack obnoxiously loudly on the floor
>CLACK-CLACK-CLACK
>Fuck you have a migraine coming on
>She leans in close to you, stretching up on her tippy-hooves to reach your chest level
>”Or, maybe the prince can come back to my castle?”
>Oh fuck
>Her breath is hot and wet, as she gets right up in your face
>>27719930
>Smells like a mix of liquor, peanut butter, and musk
>”Because that’s how colts like it, right? It’s not bad to just pin one down and-“
>Ok too far
>Ma-anon didn’t raise a horse-fucker
>You gently grab her hooves and set her down onto four legs
“I just wanted to check this place out miss, so I’ll have to turn down your- um…”
>She sways provocatively
>Or clumsily
“Offer. But I do want to come inside-“
>”Me?!”
“What?! No, inside this place.”
>”Oh.”
>She looks crestfallen for a minute, then perks back up
>”Well head on in, it’s on me. And you can be on me too coltie~”
“Uh yeah I’ll just head in.”
>You move past the curtain as she admires your posterior
>And-
>Oh
>Oh
>OH
>That’s why Twi didn’t want you to come here
>This is a-
>”Hey- hey you (hic) you want to saddle up?”
>A drunken mare has approached and-
>Oh yup that is indeed a female- yeesh that’s up close
>You move around the presenting mare and look at your surroundings
>It’s… well….
>This looks a lot like a club
>An unsavory club
>Stallions, dressed in what appear to be bras for their “bits” and a really odd ornamental cover for their-
>Thing
>Were dancing around poles and getting friendly to mares who had a lot of money
>Some you recognized, like Berry Punch, but most of them looked like a mix of just regular townsfolk and sleazy underbelly types
>It was crowded too
>Was this the town’s dirty secret?
>You move around various patrons and workers, some sizing you up and immediately putting together that you must be a fine piece of meat
>”Ey there big fella, want to try out of these bad fillies?”
>A shady-looking mare puts up a teat
>Ew
>But you had to say it
“So I’m a big guy.”
>”Yeah, you are one scrumptious, big colt~”
“4U.”
>You move on
>Can’t let the hotheads keep you down
>Maybe this place wouldn’t be so bad with a drink
>>27719943
>After all, you’ve probably got time before Twi has a nuclear meltdown outside
>You zig and zag towards the bar, taking a seat at an ancient stool that is a tad too small for you
>Still, you can appreciate the scenery
>It’s kinda got a Prohibition-era speakeasy vibe to it, with dim lighting and plenty of early 20th century design mixed with splotches of modernity
>You order a drink from a stallion whom keeps getting harassed by a couple of mares who “accidentally” keep spilling their drinks on him, getting him all moist
>You take a sip
>It ain’t bad
>Weak, but tangy, with a light touch of peanut butter
>Maybe this is what the reception mare drinks
>THUD
>You feel a pound on your back, and turn to see a beaming cobalt mare
>She was clearly a step above the patrons, as she was well dressed, and her indigo and lemon mane was done up tidily
>She took a seat next to you at the bar, eyes filled with-
>Excitement?
>Hard to tell
>”You’re that new colt I heard about, the freaky alien one.”
>Her voice is soothing and rhythmic, though she has to raise it a bit to be heard over the song being played currently, a jazz piece with high zings and crescendos
>”Name is Glisten Sapphire. I’m the owner of A.J.F.F.M.”
“Sapphire? Like the mare at the front desk?”
>”Ha-ha, yeah, she’s my sister, sorry if she got too close for comfort she has a bad habit of being too eager.”
>Glisten leans in, and you feel slightly less comfortable
>”But she’s doing her job if she let you bounce in here, you fine piece of work.”
>She lays a hoof on your shoulder
>Now this is uncomfortable
“Uh, yeah. So, this place is an um-“
>”Entertainment center.”
>She glares for a few seconds
>”Don’t forget that.”
“Right, so what does A.J.F.F.M. stand for?”
>”Should be obvious honey-bunny.”
>She perks her eyebrows and whispers into your ear
>>27719953
>”A Joint For Frustrated Mares. I just thought the acronym was a little nicer for the public.”
>Ok you need some space, she’s practically on top of you now
>You scoot back a bit, and she leans back onto her stool, clearly disappointed but still showing a resolve
>”So, can I ask a favor?”
>You let out a “hm?” while sipping
>”This place hasn’t been doing as well as normal, but I’m looking to get it back on the right track. I think we need a bit more variety in here, a little more spice-“
>You did not like where this was going
>”-so I thought, maybe some new talent will bring in mares and their ‘entourage.’ You know? Fresh sights, smells, the works. And then this alien colt stumbles in, innocuous as can be, and I hatched a little idea-“
“No.”
>”But why not?”
>She mock-pouted at you
“I am not stripping for you.”
>”Oh don’t use that dreadful word! It’s more like… hm… presenting really. And it’s just one night, and if you don’t like it you still get paid.”
>Paid
>Shit
>You did want to make some of your own money
>You’ve been doing odd jobs to save up from moving out of the castle, but progress has been glacial at best
>This may be a way to expedite that
>Fuck damn it
“Pay? How much?”
>Her expression changes, and she lights up like Derpy on a tree
>”200 bits for tonight.”
>That’s generous
>But she’s desperate
>Renegade time
“No less than 400.”
>”B-but that’s double what I usually pay newbies.”
“And humans aren’t exactly lining up to be here. You’ll make plenty back. I’m exotic.”
>She thinks for a minute
>”Fine. You drive a hard bargain you know that? But-“
>She leans in on you again, wrapping her fore-legs around your head
>”You may just perform the CPR this place needs, and have these mares drop a lot of money in tips. Of course, this establishment isn’t the only thing that could go mouth-to-mouth-“
>She starts to lick your ear
>Ugh
>>27719963
>You stand up quickly and she almost tumbles to the floor
“This is gonna be quick. No weird stuff.”
>”That’s fine. Just down to the colt panties is fine. I’ll tell the others to put away the octopus for a different time.”
>EWWWWWWWWW
>Fuck let’s get this over with
>You make your way to the stage as Glisten Sapphire bolts to the sound system’s microphone
>”Mares and gentlecolts! We have a new performer tonight, one who is sure to shock you with exoticism and- ahem- eroticism.”
>Her awkward joke goes mildly applauded
>”He will be doing a classic performance followed by a brief interaction-based period-“
>The fuck did she mean by that?
>You were in the back getting prepped on what’s to happen from a stallion in drag
>Is that-
“Caramel?”
>The stallion’s eyes become medallions
>Yup, gotcha
>”N-n-n-no! I’m Hot Mocha, a performer here! Whatever do you speak of?!”
>Oh, stage-names!
>Right
>Wait, then what’s your-
>”Introducing Monkey Fever! He’s bringing the banana and coconuts today!”
>The crowd goes wild as they immediately piece together who it is
>Being that you are the only human and all
>Fuck life
>Caramel shoves you on-stage, and a few of the friskier female patrons whistle and cheer
>”Get a load of that flank!”
>”Just show your balls already, I’m half-way!”
>”Somebody get some salad dressing!”
>”Bend over! You dropped something behind you!”
>”I want to take that tie you’re wearing and choke you with it till you’re blue in the face, wriggling for life underneath me, all sweaty as I feel up your-“
>Everyone stares at the mare being weird
>Stop being weird weird-O
>Oh it’s that one that presented to you
>Well, good to know she’s the one who likes weird stuff
>Best to steer clear of that
>Or not
>Whatever you like, really
>Glisten speaks once more
>”R-right. Anyway, do your thing Monkey Fever!”
>The maneuvers don’t prove to be hard
>>27719970
>It’s mostly just strutting, dancing, and smiling to a few of the up close patrons
>Bits fly as you go on
>You take off your suit piece by piece as you go, till you’re just down to-
>Oh no
>Your pants
>It hit you what she said earlier
>”Just down to the colt panties is fine.” Remember?
>Problem is-
>You went commando today
>No undies
>Oh shit
>You looks over to see Glisten beaming and waving at you
>She knew
>She had to know
>You continue to go on but the crowd grows restless, and shout for ‘moar’ become more frequent
>Just keep going, just keep going-
>The crowd is in a fever pitch now, demanding the last article be removed
>You plead with your eyes at Glisten
>She smiles
>That bit-
>All of a sudden you can feel a magic tug on you as your pants begin to rip
>Oh fucking shit
>Suddenly several mares get on stage and many more use magic and touch you
>Inappropriately
>You can feel your pants coming off
>You can also feel a tie loop around your neck and pull
>You look out to see the weird mare staring at you lustily, horn glowing
>You’ve got to be kidding me
………….
>Be Twi Horse
>You must defend your husbando’s honor
>You finally found out the weakness to the door
>You can’t magically blast it open, but you can use magic to just unlock it from the outside
>Now you feel kinda silly
>You barge in, galloping past an empty reception desk and go down and see-!
>It’s worse than expected!!!
>Way worse!!!
>Defend the fair colt!!!
>You are Anon again
>You wake up groggily
>Weird mare must’ve choked you out
>You can feel yourself being pulled across the stage by someone, moving you off to the side as Twi seems to be admonishing mares on-stage
>They don’t look all that sorry though
>You dazedly look up to see Glisten hovering over you
>”So…. See you Monday then?”
>She smiles
>You sigh
>It’s a long walk home with Twi
>>27719987
Pastebin: http://pastebin.com/u/ThatGuyM8
Hope it was an enjoyable piece of green, I just enjoy this thread and would try something
>>27720010
*Wanted to try something
Oops
>>27719943
>“Offer. But I do want to come inside-“
>>”Me?!”
>“What?! No, inside this place.”
>>”Oh.”
>Mares always misinterpret Anon's request whenever he uses "come" in a sentence
"You wanna come over tonight?"
>"Oh, you bet I do."
>>27720010
I'm a fan. Good job, ThatGuy. You're a pretty swood guy.
>>27720010
not bad, m8
>>27720207
A dang swood grommet
>>27719117
Wait...
What happened between this update and the pastebin? Was there another post I missed? (Probably)
Last I saw, Twilight had safely run outside the gym and the situation was heated, but not to the point of Anon going Hulk Smash mode.
>>27720010
Well, it's pretty good so far. I'm interested in seeing where this goes.
>>27718724
like the concept
>>27720844
She tried to bring Mane 6 with her in her second try. It ended with REEEEEEE from stallions ('cause other sexist mares tried to be 'cool, strong and/or jokingly flirty') and angry Anon realisation that his pupils are like earth feminists now (implied that due to too much hormonal drugs and lifting). All 7 minus Flutters teleported outside after that
>>27715765
You are a hero.
>>27710479
Better late than never
>Be Cup Cake and you're 87% sure that you're the luckiest mare in Equestria
>Not Twilight with her fancy wings
>No, you with your lovely husband
>Your husband who is currently fast asleep in bed while you spoon him
>It's early morning and you were supposed to get up 10 minutes ago to prepare to open the shop
>But for now you're quite content with nuzzling your husband in bed
>You hear him mumble something in his sleep and see him smiling
>Sweet Celestia how you love that smile
>You're sure you must have been a saint in a previous life to deserve him
>You nuzzle him once more in an attempt to wake him
>He lets out a small snort but remains asleep
>Perhaps today isn't such a bad day for sleeping in
>You're sure Pinkie is more than capable of prepping up the shop
>And the kids, well they inherited their fathers love for beauty sleep
>A third time you nuzzle Carrot to wake him and this time it seems work
"Morning Mr. Cake" you say teasingly as he opens his green eyes
>He loves it when you call him Mr. Cake, reminds him he's all yours
>"Morning" he mumbles while strecthing his back
>His flank pushing up against your crotch andteats
>Oh Celestia this colt is such a tease
>And you love him for it
>He turns around to face you, resting his head on your tuft
>You can't help but to plant a kiss right then and there on his forehead
>Below that lovely orange messy bedmane of his
>He looks up at you with his snout still planted in your tuft
>His damp breath warming your chest
>"Ten more minutes" he pleads at you with puppy eyes
>At this stage you wouldn't be able to say no even if he asked you to jump off a cliff
>This Colt, the things you would do for him
"Of course" You reply and pull him further into your now moist tuft
>He drifts off to sleep again in your hooves and you lie there holding him
>Enjoying every moment of your lazy morning cuddles
>Perhaps you're more like 98% sure that you're the luckiest mare in Equestria
>>27721981
so cozy
>>27721981
>you will never be in a relationship with the same commitment that these two have
>>27722335
love is dead
>>27721981
>>27722224
>>27722335
Glad people liked it, first time writing anything.
>>27715637
Time to take responsibility and marry the moon
>>27722382
What a happy ending.
>>27722341
Why aren't there more Redheart RGRE?
>>27722570
Because life is cruel and unfair.
>>27722570
What do you have in mind?
Smut, slice of life, slice of life with smut, dinosaurs?
>>27722737
Slice of life about an idiot who keeps getting himself hurt and the monotone nurse that takes care of him every time.
>>27722737
All of the above.
>>27722737
Anon, being the biggest and strongest becomes Ponyvilles ambulance. He is tasked with carrying in ponies who have stubbed their hooves, or gotten a paper cut.
>>27722808
>Anon runs around with a backpack and a red bucket on his head, shouting "WEE WOO GET IN THE SACK"
>>27722837
>"You got a paper cut? Too bad, get in the bag!"
>>27722837
"YOU GOT A SCRAPED KNEE?"
>"Snf, yeah."
"THAT SUCKS"
>"Yeah."
"OK, GET IN THE BAG."
>"Aaaaah-ooo there's brownies in here."
>>27722747
>>27722750
>Fourth time this week
>Fourth time this week that the colt sitting infront of is here with a booboo
>Not that you mind, he is quite the thing to look at
>And it does get a tad boring here
>This time he said he was being chased bydinosaursand feel and hurt his front left knee
>Something about a time traveling spell that our oh so wonderful new addition to the royal family managed to buck up
>There was a slight discoloring, but nothing to cry over
>Which this colt had obviously done if the marks around his eyes were anything to go by
>Mom was right, I should studied to become a Doctor after my service in the guard
>Filly nurse, who have ever heard of such nonsense
>Anyhoo, here you are, stuck blowing on crying colts booboos
>Being the laughing stock of your family
>Atleast the colt is good looking
>>27722957
>Fifth time...
>Alright, this colt, there is something wrong with him
>Well there isn't, even though he insist that he is hurt, you can't find thing that suggest he is.
>Sure he's redder than, erhm something red, when you explain him that he isn't hurt
>When you poked him with all your nurse things
>Perhaps he is one of those Marely colts, trying to act all tough
>And therefor gets hurt trying to do marely things
>Not that you mind, atleast he isn't laughing at you for being a filly nurse like most others
>Well, the paper work this colt generates is starting to get on your nerves
>All the A-58 formulas you have to fill!
>Such is a colts job
>Unlike being a nurse, which a marely filly like you can totally be
>>27722964
>Hmph, today was quite boring
>No one had gotten any booboos
>You were hoping that the colt that kept visiting wouldn't break his streak of showing up every day of the week
>Would've been fun if he was here everyday of the week
>I suppose he is out with his other colt friends celebrating that its weekend in some safe enviroment
>While you sit here bored, wishing for the cash cow that is the princess friendship make up some new disaster
>Nope, just you sitting here, with your thoughts
>Thinking about how tomorrow you're gonna have to go to your moms
>Have to listen to how your sister is her joy and pride, just because she is a construction poneh
>pff, you're sure you would be just as good with a hammer as her
>And then she would go on about nurse in a demeaning tone
>Then have your dad defend you, as if you needed your dad to make you feel marely!
>Yeah, you can picture how it will all go down..
>Atleast your shift is almost over and you can go home and be sullen there
>Order some Haynese food
>Yeah, that sounds good
>>27722969
>You're off your shift and about the exit the clinic
>Thats when you spot him. Outside the clinic
>That colt who somehow managed to get hurt everyday
>Well except that one time when he wasn't hurt
>Well, he is someone elses problem today you think to yourself
>You begin to exit the clinic and he suddenly starts waving you over to him
>Uddrrrrrrrrrr
>You walk over to him, ready to explain that you're off now, and that he will have to go inside to get help
>He just smiles at you, and says hi when you get close to him
>Alright, you dind't expect this
>He starts digging around in the dirt with his hoof without purpose while looking into the ground
>"I was wondering if maybe, maybe you would want to go get something to eat"
>Alright, you've just been asked out by a colt
>Are you really such a colt? That a colt has to ask you out?
"Maybe, what did you have in mind?"
>Oh god, you really are becoming coltish
>"I was thinking maybe just some Hayshakes or Hayboxes from that new Haynese restaurant down by town center?"
>Well, that does sound good, and he is kind of cute, and you are hungry
Wrote this hella fast, might do more, depends.
>>27719970
Haha anon becoming a sipper on twis watch
>>27722978
it shows
>>27720010
FUCKING NOICE
>>27720010
Would like to see more of that.
Hey, I don't know if anyone here cares but I'm gonna add another chapter to This is Love. Gonna go ahead and give the people that need their happy endings just like Cadence.There you go, Anons that keep bothering me. You can all go to bed now.
Le prompt
> The main 6 find out each of them like muh lord anon
> Compete for his affection trying to show off in front of him without his knowledge
> Fluttershy does them so poorly like lifting but gets the most attention from anon for being adorable.
> Shenanigans
>>27723312
Done a few times before. You should find one or two if you fish around in Pastebin.
>>27720010
More!
>Celestia is worried about Anon and her sister: every time they meet, they end up sniping at one another, which escalates into arguments, and then physical brawling as they tackle-wrestle, slamming into walls and such.
>Oh, the property damage!
>She tries to mediate, but always ends up ducking and bowing out as a vase gets thrown at her head.
>By whom, she wasn't sure.
>And the Guardsmares? Living clubs. 'Nuff said.
>She invites Cadence and Twilight in as back-up to try to resolve things.
>But Cadence, being the Princess of Love, twigs on a second after they begin beating the crap out of one another.
>They were in love with the other, but would never admit it.
>The fighting is their way of expressing affection, in their own twisted way.
>Thus, the Princesses enact a plan to try to get the pair to open up and calm down, like regular couples.
>Before Canterlot is smashed into rubble.
>>27723657
Their attempts, based around Equestria gender-roles, just cause further trouble.
Anon's from a different culture; Luna's either in the past and has different values or embraces the Equestrian gender roles, which makes things worse.
>>27723657
>they end up sniping at one another
I interpreted this incorrectly.
>>27721981
aw FUCK that was cute. You made me want to make noises.
>>27722335
>>27722341
Anon, I go here to ESCAPE my relentless feelings of worthlessness.
>>27722942
kek
Oh you, Anon.
>"Anon, is it really necessary to yell at our patients to get into your backpack?
"That sounds like the talk of somebody who wants to get in the bag."
>>27723191Thanks.
>>27722957
I imagine Anon gets minor injuries so that he can fawn over the nursepones and have cutegasms. Come on; if you saw waist-high ponies wearing widdle hats and pretending to be doctors, you'd find excuses to go play with them.
>>27723410
They haven't been done recently, so it might be interesting if an Anon does it originally. It's better than nothing in any case.
>>27723838
>"Nurse Redheart, quick! Patient Anonymous needs 20 cc's of patty-cakes, stat!"
>Since time eternal, ponies have been able to determine how virile their male partner is and how strong his offspring will be, by drinking his cum and letting their pony magic tell them what's up.
>Anon, being a non-native of Equestria, has strange cum that needs to be ingested multiple times for a pony's magic to figure out what's up.
>Anon is a-okay with this "free blowjobs" policy his new marefriends seem to have.
>>27723838
I want to fucking write for this prompt so hard but the 14 hour car ride tells me otherwise.
>>27723975
"And who are you?"
>"I'm Redheart! I'm a nurse!"
>You look down at her "nurse" kit.
>It's a child's lunch box filled with bandaids, a roll of sticky gauze, and a plastic & non-functional stethoscope.
"Of course you are, sweetie."
>>27723838
>waist-high
Knee-high.
> Nurse is a higher rank than Doctor
> Doctor Anon struggles with the differing medical procedures
> It's not like he was a pediatrician
> Is usually kinda stern, is getting retrained by the nurses to be a better doctor
> Regularly called on to get things off of high shelves, or to snag wandering pegasus toddlers
> Is torn because while his skills aren't in high demand, it's nice to not have to deal with life and death situations so often
>>27724070
>Anon wears a horsehead mask (which, turns out, looks quite feminine to ponies) and doctors as best he can with limited vision
>"Someone get that mare a cigar and a whore!"
>"Dr. Anonymous, stop this operation, NOW!"
>Just ignore the senpai.
>Senpai...
>And keep going for god sake
>"He is past the point of return, he is doing the procedure"
>"HOW LET THIS BUCKING COLT DO THE OPERATION!?"
>"What are you doing, stop him at once!"
"Sweat"
>Lifting your head to pegasus level, the parts left uncover from your face get clean.
>This little guy will be fine, just a bit more of-
>The tension in your hands is saking.
>He is waking up.
"He is-"
>"On the way doc!"
>Say your anesthetist
>"Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far, far away..."
>"Prepare the peroxide, this side is almost done."
>"The milk is being heated"
>"The covers are ready to be used"
>"We need more de-sweating here!"
"Someone turn the AC system up, we have a long way ahead of us"
>Turning you head on the right side, you don't see anyone.
>Your boss was behind you, with what you asume is the couple of this stallion.
>Maybe the are away and getting their boots ready to fire you once this is done.
>Whatever that they are doing you keep up.
>He has scrapes all over his body, even there...
>Yes you mean there.
>And while you are all up to help.
>The fact that there was blood, make it even more gruesome for the marshmallow technicolor horses.
>I mean, it looks bad, but it not as nearly as bad as the heart
>Seeing guts outside the belly area is pretty bad.
>That a lot of blood in that moment.
>This colt is just a little bit dirty.
>Looking right at him from another perspective.
>You know who is this.
"Don't worry, you big log you."
>You continue applying some soap and water to clean the blood from his fur and wound.
"These scratches are nothing to me, you will be with your family in no time"
>You reasure your friend and helping hand, Mr. Cake.
"Pass me the cotton and the peroxide, it time to close this side"
>"Yes doctor!"
>This was a collective one...
>Hmmm
>You love this fucking job.
>>27724523
This is pretty jumbled and vague. Maybe add more description about what Anon is doing, or what is wrong with the patient.
Anon falls off a ladder and ends up with a compound fracture, how badly is he fucked?
