Ra-man edition
READ THE OP
Old: >>5901850 → →
Don't forget to sage and wait to make new threads until we're at bump limit on page 9-10.
Ancient map: https://www.zeemaps.com/edit/U0Hw9yNtqrJd-qzTdbUFMw
Some info (excuse the tumblr, it's truscum): http://helpfultransinfo.tumblr.com/tags/
Skype group: add cheeki-briki or duckduckfrog
>ramen noodle hair
It's like I'm really reliving the 90s and I want out.
>>5929628
!! ?? ! definite yes.
Do you watch or read gay animu? YEs or N0?
http://strawpoll.me/7206670
Don't forget back linking in the old thread when we haven't fallen off yet
Does anyone have any tips on talking to your partner about trans body parts/language for sex? Sometimes I really want to be dominant or masturbate my clit/"tcock" but I always hesitate because I feel like he'll see me as weird or strange for doing that. Sometimes I really want to dominate but I realistically can't..I feel boring because our relationship is anal + oral..
>>5933061
I'm a fudanshi slash /y/ fag because I'm very visual and I like imagining myself in the situations. One might say why not straight porn/manga..even if I'll be with girls sexually irl I prefer malexmale most of the time because it gives me a way to project without being reminded of my biological anatomy..sexual dysphoria is my worst..
Reminder that if you like men, you're not really FtM
>>5933434
>denying that the majority of trans ppl, are Bisexuals like me.
>implying heteros are not the minority in the trans community.
>>5933488
That doesn't apply here when 100% of the FtMs on /lgbt/ are 'homosexual'
>>5933513
>didn't see the polls
fag
>>5933434
nah
>>5933513
I'm probably the only straight ftm on this whole fucking board.
Transguys are so damn cock hungry and then complain when cismen only wanna fuck then in the vag hole
>>5933513
please tell me how someone can be a fake homosexual
>>5933641
people like you are the reason i hate interacting with straight trans guys. you're all just a bunch of bitter dykes who feel superior in your manliness just because you want to stick your imaginary dick in a disgusting flesh wound. and then once you've transitioned you whine about how you can't date lesbians anymore and wish you could go back to the ~special energy~ of a lesbian relationship. get the fuck over yourself. most of you are even bigger assholes than most cis straight guys.
>>5932895
honestly, just tell him the truth, my s/o put it that simply and i accept that it's part of being with him, your s/o might appreciate the bluntness and learn to just accept it... i mean, you could try restraint obviously, but i see it more like that's part of who you are, and part of being in a relationship is indulging the other person sexually and if that's how you get off it's how you get off you know?
>>5933641
eh i probably like chicks as much as you do (just not exclusively), and i don't care where someone wants to fuck me, i'm cool with whatever so not bitching about that either...
>>5933641
Bullshit, I want a transguy to plow me.
>>5933641
>>5933434
Bunch of bait in the water today huh lads
Ignorance isn't very flattering and not very bangable either sexuality =/= orientation and if you're going to toss stones like that at least be accurate, must trans are bi or lean towards the sex they identify as being with cis women makes me feel uncomfortable because my own identity made me uncomfortable is it really that hard to understand? some even go asexual so stop generalizing every trans person on the spectrum to fit your small minded cookie cutter ideologies
why does it seem like ftms are all so fucking handsome? you guys make me feel like a chaser.
>>5933075
Thanks for the reminder, first time making the thread
>>5934281
That's a really sweet thing to say, anon. I'm sure you're a nice person.
>>5934281
I don't know but I notice it too, FTMs make my kokoro go dokidoki, I guess I'm a chaser now.
Anyone recommend a good enema kit for anal?
>>5933434
I think of buck angel riding the sybian on howard stern whenever i think of gay ftms
>>5933998
>bunch of bitter dykes
lmao, straight girl comes in here and tries to tell lgbt people how to live
classic
>>5934368
im mtf and it makes me feel very 'when the chased becomes the chaser'. you're all so hot though i cant hnnnggg
>>5933641
>>5934281
eh i don't think i'm anything special, but that's a pleasant generalization...
>>5934532
The bait thing is my favorite meme in this history of the internet.
>>5934463
i'm not telling you how to live your life. how did you get that from my post? all i'm telling you to do is stop being a hypocritical heteronormative asshole. you're just proving my point when you go on about this "straight girl" stuff. you know how ridiculous you're being, you just cant get enough of tormenting people because you're a bitter dickhead. though we are on 4chan, i'm not sure what i expected.
Should I just man up and ask to get referred to a gender clinic? Nobody I've talked to knows any more about gender issues than I do, I don't know if shooting the shit with my regular therapist is going to make any of this any clearer.
>>5934752
Is it "obnoxious" to want to have a boyfriend with a sloppy front hole I can fuck all the time?
I mean there's tons of physical attraction there but I know that ftms are people and not sex objects, so I want all the getting to know each other and having personalities mesh and butterflies when we see each other and all of that stuff, I'm very relationship-minded. But yeah, the idea of me-on-ftm sex is certainly there and it's strong.
>>5934976
well yeah... what the fuck else are you gonna do if you feel that way? i mean... i guess you could wait, but if you're tired of that then...
>be gay ftm: lol straight girl fuck off
>be straight ftm: lol super butch lesbian who took it too far
>be bi ftm: lol sex fiend (tho probably just a straight girl, so fuck off)
whew, good thing I hate myself and the idea of another person touching me so much that this shit isn't even a relevant factor in my life
>orientation: sperglord supreme
>>5933061
Funny because I was just about to blog a post here about questioning my decision to read shounen ai when all it does is makes me depressed I'll never be at most, indifferent to my body while crushing one someone else.
>>5935089
>having a bad dysphoria week
>read shitty gay manga and doujins
>makes me feel even worse
;_;
>>5935031
>tfw no broken ftm to abuse verbally and make him feel shitty but depends on me for any emotional attention, even if it's negative
>>5933061
Anime sucks.
>>5935114
I don't know if it'll help you but hitting up /fa/ and getting focused on creating a new fit kind of puts my own body out of the picture, and you get to envision yourself as someone who would suit those clothes.
Then you finish up and feel kind of empty, especially if you've bought things that would never suit you as you are now.
>>5935177
Whenever I do stuff like that I feel kinda dead inside when I remember that I have this gross titty body. It's weird, I always forget that I like, physically exist. I have this picture of what I am in my head and it's just so disconnected from what I really am. It's always distressing when I remember what I really look like.
I'm working to change that, of course. But the results can't come fast enough.
>have bad eyesight and no glasses bc money issues, need to lean in to see screen
>arms touch tits when I type sometimes
>die every time
>>5935031
eh i honestly don't really give a shit about how other people see me, cuz i can do fuckall about it...
i don't hate myself either though, there's shit about me i really fucking dislike, but everyone has flaws so eh... doesn't matter + everyone has good qualities, and there are people who like me and shit... so i figure i'm decent enough + i also don't think anything matters enough to warrant such a strong emotion towards myself
is it that you hate yourself physically or that you don't like yourself as a person or both? and just... completely? i'm curious...
with sex idk i don't think it matters how i feel about myself physically, or otherwise it's just about doing something that feels good... i feel the same way about sex that i do about getting high or drunk desu
>>5935205
Is that a usual thing if you're trans? I feel like I'm always constantly disassociating from myself to avoid disappointment and stressing myself out. I'm also worried about losing weight because what if I get skinny and my hips are super emphasised?
For that shitty titty stuff, binders at home aren't comfortable but wearing a tight singlet/sports bra/one sized down 'bralette' helps, but that's only if you're small.
>>5935250
Yeah I think that's a pretty usual trans thing to avoid crushing disappointment, haha. I avoid binding at home because of the whole constricting my ribs deal, same thing with sports bras. The sports bras obviously aren't nearly as compressing, but, man do I just want a complete break from squishing my ribcage to any degree.
>>5935250
>binders at home aren't comfortable
Hm, I'm never more comfortable than when I'm wearing my binder. I think the mental stress of being without outweighs any physical stress of wearing it, physical pain is easier for me to deal with. Which makes me think what I do is probably disassociation but I'm not sure of what exactly that means.
>>5935299
anon please don't wear it all the time you could fuck up your ribcage
>>5934747
you type like a girl
>>5935304
Aren't you typing the same way?
>>5935299
You know what they say, home is where you can relax into your chair and completely disassociate yourself from your body as you browse the internet.
>>5935302
It's been four years, anon, it's too late for me. I've accepted the risks. Only had a bout of Costochondritis so far and I was still binding while treating that.
>>5935309
Does anyone else just do the thing where they see themselves as whatever male character you have as your icon/avatar on social media/steam/whatever you're on at the moment?
>>5935317
i just use my pic for shit...
>>5935317
I've been playing Stardew Valley as male with my prospective boyname.
It kind of hurts but it feels right.
>>5935385
Same, anon, same. Luckily I have no rl friends and everyone online just calls me by my boyname. It's such a nice feeling.
>>5935151
I'd probably fucking fall for that shit too goddamn you
>>5935249
I'm caring less and less how people see me. it's funny to hear what some people think of trans men though, like that I must have been a butch lesbian before "deciding to become a man" because I wanted to fit in and be seen as straight. yep, I actually sat down and made a pros and cons list and decided it would be better on the other side
mainly I can't let bear letting anyone see me without many layers of clothing on and the thought of someone else seeing and touching my body has just always put me off. even now that I'm getting more ok with my body since being on T, I just can't imagine ever actually wanting to be intimate with a person. maybe that'll change someday, I don't know. people always ask if I was abused, but no, there's just something wrong with me. oh well. it simplifies my life a lot now that I stopped trying to force myself to be "normal"
even being in a relationship with someone I loved and was really attracted to, I was always trying to get out of being touched or getting naked. that didn't work out too well in the end. thank god we finally stopped trying to fuck and are just friends now
I do definitely hate myself as a person, but that's another story. a really long, boring one involving a lot of needless shame and self-flagellation. I'd make a good Catholic if I could only make myself believe in any sort of higher power
>>5935309
Good job, boys, take the rest of the day off.
>>5935031
Depends on where you are, though.
People are shitty on the internet? Par for the course, disregard.
People are shitty in real life? You need new friends. If I knew any ftm guys in real life, I cannot even conceive of treating them any different from my current group of friends.
>>5935385
Stardew valley...
Ew.
FO4, meine freunde. The new Automatron DLC is amazing.
STALKER
Payday2
Endless Space
Dwarf Fortress (careful though, it'll eat your whole goddamn day)
>>5935405
Jesus, so much self-loathing. What EXACTLY is so fuckin bad about you that you seem to think you're irredeemable? I have RUINED a few lives. And yet, I am completely certain that I am a good guy. Just made a few iffy choices. Was all means to a good end anyways. I want to hear what you think could possibly be that bad about you. What, do you drown kittens or something?
>>5935529
>talks shit about stardew valley
>still plays payday 2
I don't like you.
>>5935529
>Stardew valley...
>Ew.
Someone got turned down by Haley.
>>5935531
I admit. I cannot STOP playing it. I have one autistic friend who ONLY plays that one game. On deathwish. He is an accountant, and has apparently decided that since that one game "meets all his requirements", he doesn't need to ever try anything new until it is no longer supported. So I stay current for his sake.
Stardew Valley is just... I mean, c'mon.
>>5935529
>shits on stardew valley
>likes fucking fallout 4
kill yourself, idiot
>>5935529
>the first genuinely good harvest moon game in a long ass time
>ew
>likes FO4 and payday 2
I even have over 800 fucking hours on payday, come the on.
>>5935529
>payday 2.
I love that game so much, and Find muy firts love playing that game, but now? Ou romance go to the trash, and with the game, the game was trash months before my bf leave me, that Event practically made me hate payday 2, for what the game transform with the time, and for the emocional impact of my broten relationship, i know is silla, but fuck overkill, fuck my bf, and fuck payday 2 for be the firts game that i play more than 1000 hours, to Ended it hate it.
To be honest i'm just a mtf lurking, but seriously, fuck that game.
>>5935405
i'm pretty terrible at being a catholic, know that for a fact cuz it's how i was raised... that guilt shit is fucking intense though... i just feel like i've done a lot of regrettable, stupid shit, but that's gonna happen... can't change the past so there's no sense dwelling on it, and carrying all that shit around just weighs you down... you've got the rest of your life to do different shit
not everyone is a sexual person, maybe it's dysphoria for you, maybe it isn't... you'll find out eventually either way
for me i'm not thinking about anything during sex so shit like my feelings or what i look like etc doesn't matter...
some of it is funny yeah... but mostly it just becomes boring regurgitated shit...
>>5935663
Well it really jumped the shark at the Keanu character update, but still stayed ok until the goat simulator dlc. That was... disappointing.
>>5935615
>>5935606
Come on though! A farming simulator? I come home from work and play games to be BETTER than I am now. Not to do more friggin work. Hell, studies on gaming and confidence have shown that even one hour a day of horror/casual games can have a negative effect on your daily confidence level, while any game where you are "superhuman" boosts you measurably.
If I wanted to plant crops and talk to my neighbors about the weather, I would move to the sticks with my family. I like to come home, slaughter evildoers, and save people from horrifying creatures.
>>5935747
>I only like HARDCORE games for HARDCORE gamers like myself
Anyone here ready to kill themselves now Osomatsu-san is ded
>>5935769
Season 2 is inevitable, don't worry. Pierrot milks their shit to the bone.
>>5935779
True
with the way they're pumping out merch there's no way they won't S2
But still it was the only thing that cheered me up in a long time
>>5935747
The Stardew farmer IS superhuman, jackass.
>>5935763
to be fair farming simulators are boring as shit...
>>5935747
yet, to be honest i like that DLC, the perks, the akimbo, etc. where at time that the DLCs of payday 2 and updates where wonderful, my BF love's the kenau update, he is a fucking fanboy of the actor and the matrix films......
actually i think the game go to shit when overkill left payday 2 to that croatia dev studio, also when overkill go extra greedy, my BF left me just a days later that overkill put the micro-transations to the game. i don't know, our relationship where to donwhill before, and right now i have a great rancor to the game and my BF, to me the 2 are related.....
right now i'm playing the sims 4 (i like it.....), pokemon and street fighter v (i know....).
right now i'm playing videogames, but i don't have any interest in gaming news, gaming community, new games, etc. i just want to play a certain number of games and give them a good used....
i'm >>5935663, so just a trans girl lurking here, navigating in 4chan with a ipad sucks.
>>5935763
Strawman harder, fuckknuckle.
I just don't like being a wageslave for 8-12 hours a day just to be a vehicle for a suit to spook the homeless (securitard), only to go home and do EVEN MORE WORK. That is also the reason I quit WoW back in the day. It's just a second job! They dress it up like fantasy, but at the end of the day, you have to show up on time 5 days a week, so that you can stack your numbers against the boss numbers, in the hopes of maybe increasing your numbers.
I would say the exact same thing about probably 100% of MMOs, and any game with "new game plus"
I am already sick to death of working 7 to 3, so why would I then work from 3 to 11?
I just want to kill some shit, save some helpless mooks, and have small story arcs resolve themselves. Also someone should definitely call me "hero". At least once.
>>5935801
Wouldn't know. I just don't have a need to know whether a goddamn fictional 16-bit farmer from a farming simulator is superhuman, subhuman, protohuman or a magical fucking zombie octopus. I just do not care.
>>5935663
>>5936041
>>5936064
Then get better taste in games, fag.
>>5936066
>>5936041
I dunno, the John Wick update was basically the first time Payday broke the 4th wall and added a movie character to the game. After that it was like they said "WELP, ALREADY RUINED" and added characters from more games, more movies, silly weapons that no criminal would ever use, like miniguns and shit, and then BAM. Goat sim update happened. Gotta collect cocaine-filled goats in a crowded city intersection.
It was an obvious statement of "we're working on PayDay3 and Walking Dead now. We really don't care about this shit anymore."
>>5936073
Oh man! I can hardly keep my footing here! All this smug, 16-bit hipster game superiority blowing my way! It's a perfect smugstorm! Tell my wife I love h-
>>5936163
yep, that is true, but i have good memories about it, i can't denny that DLC was the starting point to the game going to shit, but i have good memories playing in that time with my friend, who with the time we fall in love as i say.
i hate payday 2, but at the same time the game give me so many good moments.....
>>5936217
Well a game can get tied to emotion like that though. Makes it a bit bittersweet. I played Fable through my deep depressive period. Went back and played the remastered version, but just can't through it. The music, the atmosphere, it puts me right back into that headspace.
I'm glad that, even if that relationship is over, you have the ability to summon up happy memories of it. As long as you try not to dwell in it.
> tfw probably a chaser by most standards.
If I could have a short little muscle guy to switch with and cuddle and protect. ;-; every ftm I've ever met has always been so my type that it hurts.
Boy the next couple years will be fun. Not only will I get acne or something like it starting T soon, but I'm also getting adult braces and glasses this year on top of it.
I can't wait to look like a pizza faced nerdy teenage boy at 27 years old.
>>5936445
Why are there posts like this every thread
>>5936445
I once had a goddamn amazing experience with a FtM guy. I'm a cis male, and consider myself gay. He was like 4'9'' and muscular and had a great beard, and I'm 6'6''. He was dominant as fuck in the bedroom and it was so fucking awesome.
I thought we hit it off really well, flirted and talked about going on another date after that, but one day he blocked me in every way and deleted all his online profiles. I miss him still.
>>5936622
Get a set of these. These are your friend.
My Dad was a doctor, used skincare products and these puppies all through high school. To this day, people look back at class pics and such, and say, "huh, you never had problems with acne, did you? Lucky asshole." But in reality, I had HORRIBLE acne. Just went over it every morning.
http://m.ebay.com/itm/151345342004?_mwBanner=1
>>5936656
Well, I am more interested in ftm friends than lovers, myself, but I would imagine it's just math.
Straight guys love lesbian porn because:
1girl + 1girl = 1moregirlthanusual + 0unnecessarydongs.
So by the same logic, ftms are basically all the perks of a guy friend socially, but still with girl parts (is the assumption). It requires some real doublethink, and a MAJOR assumption that the ftm is still interested in vaginal sex, but I assume these guys figure the ftm in question could be talked around to it.
>tfw Osomatsu is over
>tfw no more gas ass Totty
>>5935317
every fucking time. i never have a female icon, lol
>>5935317
All my icons are birds so no not really.
>>5937016
>tfw jojo part 4 is gonna star
>tfw every new chapter of jojolion is fucking awesome
who is hype here?
>>5937016
:(
>be me
>youngest child in family (in college now though)
>also filthy ftm
>mfw I don't a cute younger sister to take care of and be the best older bro for
I'm not really sure why but I always feel really protective over young girls (and not really boys). If I wasn't so sure I'd make a horrible parent/romantic partner I'd definitely want to adopt a girl since I like the thought of being a dad who would spoil her, even though they're pretty unbearable as teenagers (especially when spoiled rotten).
>>5937276
Hopefully there's a season 2 anon
>>5937325
I highly doubt they WON'T make S2, they have so much merch they're about to release and it's super big in Japan
>>5937287
>wanting younger siblings
It's a nightmare. I didn't get along with my little sister until she was 12-13 and mostly stopped being a huge spoiled cunt to me. Constantly got me and our older brother in trouble for everything, and tons of shit we didn't even do but she was always there standing there giggling in the background while we got our shit pushed in because she was an innocent little princess who could do nothing wrong.
I choked her the fuck out once and to this day she's like, "Yeah. I deserved that." I love her and all but I know she's the reason why I developed mad manipulation skills. Which I in turn passed down onto her.
I mean I'm a little sister to our older brother too but damn at worst I was just annoying for wanting to hang out with him and his friends.
>>5935006
I don't know. Personally that would not be for me because I have sexual dysphoria and I don't use that hole. I had a guy who was very adamant about it once and it made me feel really bad desu. But I don't think most people are like me and some are probably comfortable with their biological anatomy.
>>5937437
That's fair. I know my sister absolutely fucking despised me until I was around 9-10 years old and it took until I was 18 for my brother (then 28) to start talking to me like I was a person.
I guess I just subscribed to the fantasy of being really overly protective of someone else and caring for them despite being a huge beta pussy irl who barely has his own shit together.
>>5937437
I find it funny people say shit like this. I'm the second oldest of 4 kids and I've gotten along with literally all of my siblings.
>tfw finally coming to terms with your sexuality independently of your gender identity
feels good man. i won't be able to transition for a while yet, but maybe I can get a qt gf.
>>5937437
Depends on how life was I guess.
Only ever had my baby sister, 4 years younger. Grew up well off, no poverty or anything, but a looooooong dramatic, bloody divorce and custody battle from mme age 7 to maybe 13.
So we learned to rely on one another. My little sister and I are thick as thieves. Helps also that she's always been a real tomboy type. Loves outdoorsy stuff and we always have had the same taste in movies and books and so on. Played the same video games.
I have kicked 3 of her boyfriends' asses to date, and she, in turn, laid a beatdown on one of my exes who just wouldn't let go. She's a good hearted gal, but our dad taught us both to fight, so she's certainly no pushover.
She got diagnosed with cancer this past December, but she is kicking its ass. So proud of her.
>>5937561
I thank fuck every day I don't have hips like that. At least my figure is salvageable just by losing weight. Any shape I get comes purely from fat, and when I get skinny my hips are fucking small.
>>5937510
I was fine with our younger brother. Sure he was annoying but I think thats entirely normal. I never hated him. But for some reason my little sister was just a sadistic fuck. My older brother liked to torture me too but he stopped after I either toppled a huge cabinet on top of him or stabbed him in the thigh with a pair of scissors. We were all just savages until we hit puberty but we were poor white trash, so. I feel really shitty about the violent stuff(even though it totally solved my problems) but I'm a huge lazy pacifist these days.
>>5937601
Thats how my sister and I were when she 'settled' down. We were inseparable until she got a ticket out of the hellhole that was our family via extended family when she was 16. She's a stone cold bitch with looks that could kill and she could go places but unfortunately she's a lot like me in which we just don't care anymore. I still rail her about taking more college classes.
I'm glad to hear your sister seems to be doing well despite the cancer. My sister didn't come home on time once while out with friends and I was out the door beating down doors looking for her ready to kill a bitch. I've lost too many people and it'd be the end for me if something happened to her. She's scared of introducing any new boyfriends to me but man as long as they don't hurt her I don't care who she dates, even if I don't like them. It's not like I'd even try to make her dump them just because I don't. She's into harmless dweebs anyway.
>>5935114
People tell me I look and act like a shounen ai character. At least I don't look like a lesbian?
>>5937561
i hab one
>lose some weight, measure self for new binder
>get it from a 3rd party site instead of just underworks itself
>website: take the average of the skinniest and largest part of your chest!!
>huh, that's weird, I remember underworks just wanting the largest measurement last time I ordered
>I'm a small for once
>huh
>order, it comes in
>too small to even fit over my shoulders
FFFF
>>5938567
Fuck, I just double checked the tag and it's XS. They shipped me the wrong thing.
I'm too autistic to complain but godamn that was like $40 gone.
>>5937062
I like you.
>>5935317
>usually some cartoon/video game/anime dude
>have an icon of character from the new FE
>someone messages me
>"is that a girl lol"
>change it immediately
>>5937601
My baby sister died of cancer when she was 12 and I was 15. She was a cheeky little brat but she always treated me like a big brother rather than a sister, and I loved her so much it hurts. I think I'll put some flowers on her grave today.
>>5935529
>infinite space
Speaking of, who else FTL here?
What's your favorite ship?
[spoiler]It's the worst in the game besides Engi B (fuck that piece of shit) but Stealth B is great[/spoiler]
>>5938652
Complain nicely?
"Hey guys, i think there was a shipping mistake. Also i measured my chest wrong, here's the corrected measurements. Thanks for your help!" Or something
>>5937605
thanks for letting us know. my hips are bigger than that pic, even when im skinny ;_;
>mildly bad thing happens
>stress
>brink of tears
>suppress panic
>dissociate until event and reaction seem imagined or forget entirely
How to achieve full /deadinside/ and get some fucking peace?
>>5940018
When you get treatment for BPD
>>5940018
you realize most shit isn't worth caring about and focus on other things instead... like i've been really sick for the past week (i'm always sick but like this is different level sick), and some bad shit's happened but also... i got weed, playing guitar doesn't require sitting up or thinking, and it's spring so it's cool...
>>5939632
Same here anon. But it is what it is.
>>5940052
Oh great, another thing I might have. Not like it means anything, none of the medical professionals I've spoken to have diagnosed shit aside from depression/anxiety.
>>5940068
I know none of it is worth caring about but that's from the rational standpoint and that's not the problem. There's no reasoning with my emotional side so the only way I can think of stopping it causing trouble is to kill it. A largely emotionless, logical existence sounds alright to me.
>>5940159
BPD is pretty fucking serious, if you think you might have it look into DBT. Only treatment for it that works, takes years, etc.
My ex had that. 0/10 would not recommend. I literally got PTSD because of some of the shit she was doing, wasted months in therapy working on the flashbacks/panic attacks.
>>5940159
eh i experience emotions, and strong ones... i deal with depression and anxiety and all of that, but i'm at a point where i can just say "eh guess i'm depressed today" and just focus on other shit, and like i have panic attacks, but i don't make a big deal out of it... i know when i'm having them i've found ways to deal with them and i don't dwell
for me it's a matter of not thinking, i've learned to actively just avoid it... and instead i'll just focus on things and experiences and whatever's going on at the time... cuz on a logical level i know what i'm feeling is meaningless and will pass... and unless i'm gonna off myself dwelling doesn't do much good
i'm not perfect at it, i have really bad moments... like a while back i was thinking about off'ing myself and instead i took some codeine and shit and chilled out
and i'm not gonna say use drugs as much as i do, or at all, but you gotta find what works for you and what keeps you from flipping your shit
>>5940170
Brutal, what did she do that impacted you so bad?
>>5940241
So what, ignore it? I've tried for years to just get over it when it happened but I'm sick of being a shaking snivelling wreck when I have to deal with everyday, human things. It only makes me angry and hate myself more than I usually do because I can't control myself.
And being the moralfag I am, drugs aren't an option unless I get them prescribed. Guess my other options are, what, alcohol and suicide?
>>5940317
i ignore it by focusing on other things, meditation, and focusing on any given moment... but i'm easy enough to please too, like i'm perfectly happy chilling outside watching sunrise with a cigarette and i can do shit like that and just turn everything else off and enjoy that... or like i garden, that actually helps me a lot partially cuz i enjoy plants and partially just cuz it's physically engaging...
i also just kinda accept that bad shit is part of life, and does have value (particularly longterm), so i don't look at suffering as this end of the world sorta thing... just a way to grow in another way... i've been through a lot of bad shit though so eh
drugs aren't for everyone... and honestly, there's shit you can do that isn't get intoxicated (for me drugs aren't just a coping mechanism though, they're also just something i enjoy) that could help... it's a matter of finding what works for you, what you can immerse yourself in, and just learning to be in any given moment fully rather than being in one place physically while your head is elsewhere...
>>5940364
You're cute. I'm reading about lobotomies.
>>5940018
you just have to wait until life breaks you
>>5940417
lol thanks? i can grab a drill and you can come over we can give it a go... or you know... try something else distracting and legal, i've got plenty of alcohol i can't drink
>>5940453
>drill
You need but an ice pick and a steady hand, my man. But you're right, I'm not sure of the legal status of consentual amateur lobotomies so cheapshit alcohol it is. I should get hold hide away some secret vodka for these situations.
>>5940702
yeah you're right, that's how it was supposed to be done, but i'm not a doctor and i don't have an ice pick... i figured maybe you weren't too picky...
i wouldn't trust my hands... they're fairly steady, but every so often i get this nerve thing and i slip... only in my dominant hand though, i fucked up my shoulder when i was 15 falling down stairs... couldn't move it for a day or so, it felt jammed... it clicks every time i move it a certain way and shit, but again maybe you weren't feeling picky
not that i'd do it anyway, i'd definitely pass out... my s/o once got a blade through his pinky and i had to go in the bathroom and curl up on the floor... i got real dizzy the room felt like it was spinning and it was just really fucking bad
i preferred the drinking option
>>5940702
+ and i meant like legal as in you don't do any drugs and mentioned alcohol
i didn't even think about the legality of amateur lobotomies...
>>5940761
+ with my shoulder it just felt like it wasn't in the socket right, i kinda pushed it back into place... after that it hurt like a bitch but i could move it again
>>5940702
+if you were closer i have a weird variety of seasonal beers and shit... idk... maybe a hard cider is still in there maybe not? i haven't looked in a while + jack daniel's honey whiskey, some spiced rum (i think it's captain morgan), pretty sure there's some red wine in the back of my fridge, and jager spice (it tastes sorta like fireball whiskey but also like jager with vanilla) and there's a small nature reservation nearby that's cool if you aren't feeling too moralfag and another place that's nicer that's grey area could be private property maybe not... i stopped going in there for a bit after i found a ripped up animal near a bloody mattress somewhere in there just past a good smoke spot... but it's been a while so it's probably safe enough by now and i know for a fact that there's good cover from bears in there cuz of this one time i was high and had to climb between all these branches cuz a bear was coming up to my s/o and i...
sometimes getting shitfaced in the woods is exactly what someone needs to feel better
i'm high as fuck right now... probably obvious but yeah... sometimes people just need to go somewhere that feels away from everything where they're just around nature and just get really drunk or high and just not think for a bit
>>5940894
Man, you're a gold-mine of weird stories. I'm not too moralfag for a bit of casual trespassing, had a grand old time looking around a fire-damaged abandoned building few years back. First time I went, there was a bunch of bricks pulled out of the wall, second time that was patched up and I had to climb through a broken window. Good times. There's a big wooden fence up round it now but I'm guessing there's still a way in. That carried no risk of fucking bear encounters though, yeesh.
>>5941008
lol am i? they seem normal to me... i don't even talk about a lot of shit
that sounds really cool, i've never walked through a place after a fire... did you take pictures or anything?
pretty easy to make a way into a place that just has a wooden fence around it... if there isn't already one
the bear thing was scary when it happened, but afterwards the adrenaline rush was great... like completely amazing
my s/o and i went for a walk cuz my mom's crazy friend was visiting and we wanted to smoke, and we brought my dog... so we went to one of our smoke spots and my dog jumped in my lap and laid down
we were in the middle of a blunt and i looked down at sid and he was just looking straight ahead and being weirdly still and when i looked at where his nose was pointing there was a bear just walking right toward us... we hid in mountain laurel (pic related... it's highly toxic even the smoke if you burn it... found that out by accident) for a bit and it went over to where we had been and circled around by us for a while... idk it was maybe like 20 minutes or something... after that we started smoking in this place that's covered in mountain laurel... where nothing can really get in like that...
but yeah every so often i'll see a bear here... but eh it's nothing to worry about
>>5941193
You just mention stuff so casually in passing, "found a violent animal sacrifice or some shit, it was weird". And not only did you have a close shave with a bear, I'm guessing you nearly poisoned yourself with the plantlife once?
Fence around this place is one of those solid 7 foot tall numbers, tough to get past unless you want to put your foot through one of the panels. Here's hoping someone's done it already and there's a gap I can get through. I have a couple pictures, the others are on my hardrive which is deep in the realms of Somewhere. Not sure how long ago the fire was but it's sat empty for years, obviously people find their way in and mess the place up. There evidence of homeless folk and other shit, probably a drug den or scumbag meetup by night. Though there was a really cool mural of the Penguin from Batman which I'll have to find. I only looked around the ground floor, most of the rooms were dark as fuck and I had no torch. Plus my friend was a wuss and refused to come in but wouldn't let me go upstairs on my own.
>>5941299
oh well... idk, my s/o had a rotting deer corpse by the driveway and collects dead things so i didn't really think anything of it at first... the mattress was probably just some homeless redneck or something... but i still didn't go back after that... at the time i was real high and just thought "should probably go home now" and not much else... afterwards though my s/o and i were laughing about how this guy who killed a state trooper had been spotted camping in the woods all around the area while the cops were looking at him... we kept telling each other he was gonna get us for a few days 'til they caught him (i still think it was more likely just a homeless guy killing his own dinner)
animal sacrifice would've been weird i guess... idk... when i was a kid over in the park i lived by in brooklyn, people used to sacrifice chickens all the time... santeria and shit, people would find the bodies often, so idk i guess i might not think anything of it... that was just like a normal thing i'd hear about when i was a kid... been a long time though
with the mountain laurel it was a really nice day out so to celebrate my s/o and i decided we needed a fire to go with our whiskey, and well... we both grew up in brooklyn and were already high so poison wood didn't really occur to us... so we used quite a bit of it in the fire cuz it's around and easily accessible... and we drank whiskey got really fucked up and had a great night... next day we were both feeling weird and sick in the same way... and my s/o started looking shit up, and apparently mountain laurel smoke can kill you, and the folk medicine for smoke inhalation of it is actually whiskey... so really it was sorta like we were drinking the cure as we poisoned ourselves and just both felt weird for a day... but yeah i always tell people alcohol saved my life as a joke cuz of that...
>>5941299
+ looks cool... when you said wood my first thought was breaking it desu...
that sucks about your friend though, i bet the upstairs is interesting, i would've probably just gone up alone anyway desu cuz i'm a dick like that... i also just kinda wander off sometimes
the mural sounds cool, i actually really love graffiti (the best graffiti i've seen was in rome though, the train pieces were great... just entire fucking trains covered in it... this was like shit... 10 years ago though) it's some of my favourite art
everyone i know here currently doesn't do shit like explore anywhere other than my s/o... they're cool to smoke and chill with and fishing is alright (though a boat would make it nicer) but they don't do enough and i'm not into bars
if you ever get around to finding the other pics post them
Just got on T and the endo prescribed me 50mlg every 2 weeks. is that dose too low?
>>5941585
That does seem like an oddly low dose. Did they say why it's so low?
>>5941585
wow my endo put me on 100mg per 2 weeks and she said that was a low dosage
>>5941754
No idea.
I'm taller than the average female, so I would think I would have gotten more. He told me it's important to start 'slow' and to worm from there. I have my next appointment with him in July though. Is there anyway to get a higher dose in that timeframe?
>>5941585
T comes in different concentrations. I think there's 100 and 200 parts per whatever. My dose is 25mlg per week (so basically the same as yours), and I've been changing on schedule.
>>5942087
Here is how concentration works: you get your bottle and it has the concentration of x amount of mg/mL. So you multiply that by how many ml's you actually inject yourself with (commonly .5-1 ml), and that equals your dosage in mg. E.g. I inject .5 ml but the concentration is 200mg/ml my dosage is going to be 100 mg.
>two people posting in this gen with their dosage being in "mlg" units
C'mon guys get it together, I know you're all a bunch of alcoholic druggies but you should really know more about what's going in your body.
>>5936717
>>5936445
How come posts like this are so common but I can't find gay dudes like this IRL?
Is it because anti-chasers have bitched so loudly that they've made people afraid of being with FtMs?
I'd love to meet a gay cis dude who was into me. I've had all of one and he turned out to be a furry addicted to 'cuntboys' or some shit.
>>5942213
idk gay cis dudes who don't care seem common enough... i've met quite a few anyway, maybe it's just where you are or something...
never once had a furry ask me out or anything, as far as i know anyway... it's not my thing so it works out well though
>>5942464
Most gay dudes I've met are furries.
>>5942532
seriously? i don't think i've ever really spoken to someone who was a furry, or if i have they never mentioned it... sorta exception is this guy i used to know, his gf was a furry so he let her make him a fursona but it wasn't something he was into and was only while they were together so idk... doesn't count
>>5940317
In general, she would self harm/attempt suicide/threaten to do either of the above if I made her feel unloved or unwanted. She wouldn't be faking it for attention, it's just that me not being the 10/10 prince charming doting significant other was genuinely so upsetting to her that she would flip out if she perceived me as not loving her. The only way to make her feel loved and wanted was to anticipate and do exactly what she wanted without showing any negative emotion whatsoever at all times.
"Things she wanted me to do and flipped out when I didn't do them" is a list including, but not limited to:
>having sex whenever/however she wanted
>staying up with her at night and keeping her company multiple nights in a row
>not showing up to work to keep her company
>not saying anything critical of her ever
>listening to her vent to me about her problems for hours without offering any suggestions ("telling her what to do") but still being very supportive
She got put on psych meds and sent to therapy which helped quite a bit, for awhile, and then the pills stopped working for some reason and she had another meltdown. I cut contact with her then so I don't know if she's recovered.
>>5942763
Sounds like two of my exes. Then again I have BPD, which might as well been 'i don't like myself sometimes' in comparison to the absolute, batshitinsaneshittyery I went through with them.
At worst I just want to be alone a lot and I'm desensitized to people throwing scissors at me and them threatening to kill themselves. Zapped the energy right the fuck out of me for a lifetime.
>>5941585
Your doctor is not wrong: it is important to start slowly, especially if you're older. There's anecdotal evidence that gradually ramping up your dose will result in better voice results.
Your weight or height has nothing to do with how much you should be taking. Everyone processes T differently depending on genetics. Size has nothing to do with it.
If by "50mlg" you mean 50mg, that's not outrageously low as a starting dose. I'm on 60mg weekly, which is an ideal maintenance dose for me because my body processes T very efficiently. Most guys take somewhere around 100mg per week. You're essentially on a quarter of a "normal" maintenance dose.
If I were you, I'd take the dosage you've been prescribed for a couple months and see what happens. If you're really unhappy with the way things are progressing, call up your doctor and ask if you can talk about upping your dosage.
Though p.s. you can just take more on your own without telling your doctor. My doctor lets me mess with my dosage on my own as long as I don't go above the amount we know results in very high T levels for me. There's no real harm in it, though if you're going up in dose it will cause you to run out of T quicker, which will almost certainly cause problems with getting more.
>>5942213
>meet a gay guy and it seems we have awesome chemistry together
>tell him I'm ftm with the intention of hitting it
>suddenly he's not interested / only wants to be friends
>which is ridiculous because I know he will just about fuck anything that moves and has had fwb's before
This is basically what happens whenever I'n interested in anyone. I'm 20 and still a virgin fml. I fucking wish I could meet a chaser even if it's just to get laid.
For those of you who don't have little to no dysphoria below the belt. When was the last time you had sex? Was it good?
>>5943183
Had sex a week ago. Typical lesbian sex. The only thing not-typically-lesbian about my sex life is when someone is going down on me I close my eyes and pretend it's a blowjob, I like fucking a girl with a strapon and will get off on it, and I can get off from having a girl suck off said strapon. Sometimes I like getting fucked and sometimes it freaks me out. Same with any attention getting paid to my chest, it physically feels nice and sometimes I'm into it but sometimes I just nope out of sex entirely if my partner messes with them.
I may be a dirty transtrender butch dyke though. I feel top and height and general body shape dysphoria all the time and bind, but I'm in my mid twenties, haven't come out to anyone besides close friends, don't plan on it unless I start feeling suicidal all the time instead of just occasionally. So take that for what it is.
>>5943151
Come live with me, I'll stuff your front hole and tell you I love you
It will be a lie but it will be a nice one for a while.
>>5943183
Just this past week. It definitely was good, we had a few days to screw around with each other and most of it was pretty standard sort of, um, "lesbian tier" stuff I guess, like other anon was saying. That's okay with me, a lot of the time I just get off on a partner's reaction to things. I fucking love giving oral. It didn't do a lot for me orgasmically but it was hot and I liked it.
But then I got to actually fuck her? And it was mindblowing? And then she fucking blew me???
Like what the fuck, I don't know that I've ever seen a sight that fucking beautiful jesus christ.
tl;dr feeldoes are great if you're cool with wearing one in the first place, if occasionally a bit awkward to position. Leave your boxers on, it helps.
>>5943183
a few days ago... i think... idk... been really sick and really high (just took codeine again which isn't helping with the thinking shit) and i have a hard time keeping track of days and time to begin with... it was good though, but i mean... been having sex with my s/o for over 11 years so he knows exactly how to get me off so that's usually how it is
>>5943183
Wait, I'm confused. Are you asking to hear from people who DO have lower dysphoria or DON'T have lower dysphoria?
I have lower dysphoria but it's not like "need to take a shower in the dark" level. I can deal with the sight of it but I don't like my stuff being touched or looked at. I can deal with it as long as I don't think too long or hard about it. I definitely want bottom surgery though.
Anyway last time I had sex was like 2 weeks ago? It was alright. I was having a particularly dysphoric day so I wasn't really in the mood but I had already planned to meet up with this guy and definitely would have ended up feeling even worse about myself if I'd cancelled. Actually now that I remember it more, it was pretty good... he's not very experienced and gets nervous about butt stuff but he finally let me rim him and told me I can fuck him soon. I live my life to eat man ass so that was pretty sweet.
>>5933434
What's wrong with being bisexual?
>>5933488
Bisexual master-race. There are too many things I love about men /and/ women for me to "pick a side." People act like it's a choice, but fuck. It really isn't.
>>5944813
Nothing. Now learn not to take the bait.
>>5943815
You got any opinion on hydromorphone? Unrelated to anything but I got a handful and you're my go-to for drug bs.
>>5933641
No, you're not m8. I'm just not vocal about it (and I only lurk on ftmg)
>>5943815
Can you explain the appeal of eating ass? The very thought disgusts me but I'm curious.
>>5947189
Not that anon and I don't like to be on the giving end but as long as the butthole is squeaky clean then eh.
Feels good receiving though, but since I don't give it I'd never ask.
>>5946895
Are you trying to ask Brooklyn and you just went for the first post with any ellipses in it? Or does that post belong to another distinct writing style anon I haven't pinned down?
>>5946895
Were you trying to summon brooklyn? Because I know nothing about drugs mate. Never been high in my life unless laughing gas at the dentist counts.
>>5947189
I couldn't even tell you why I love it so much. I just love watching guys squirm and whine. I like anything that result in that response. And I dunno, there's just something great about reducing a guy to a quivering, whimpering mess just with my tongue. Probably the same reason straight guys like going down on women. Shrug.
>>5946895
guessing this is for me cuz my post is right above that... never taken it, but based on what i know about it i would cuz it probably feels like christmas... i'm bias though cuz opiates/opioids are my favourite, (and i mean that like... one of my favourite things ever + also my favourite drug) but they're all relatively similar (the only thing i can say that's a major difference with is percs can bother my stomach, but not enough for it to be a big deal or outweigh the better effects) high wise... so it depends on how you feel about those to begin with + i'm unsure of what it's usually mixed with (like how acetominophen is added to a lot of shit, or like promethazine is another common one) but that's something to keep in mind too...
if you can't find answers about a drug ever just from people there's always erowid btw... it's a pretty comprehensive site about drugs and there's lots of personal experiences people submit that you could look through and whatnot if you want multiple opinions and to hear the good and bad...
>>5947189
never done it, but being on the receiving end is a good time...
>>5949299
that there's a major difference* my bad... just woke up and i need coffee to function
>>5948368
i turned that shit down and then sorta regretted it when i had my wisdom teeth pulled... it was something i preferred being fully conscious for... but afterwards my friend was telling me i shouldn't have and explained why
>>5947189
It feels good for them. Plus for many people it's weird and uncommon but they'd never tell you to stop.
>>5947189
i used to do it to my ex largely because she was super into it
doesn't do much for me though, from either perspective
>>5935304
With your boobs?
???
>>5947189
Not sure. I'm disgusted the the entire prospect of eating someone out in general
>>5950809
eh i enjoy giving oral sex, but i just idk... not into the idea of a rimjob even though i'm ok with receiving one if that's what someone is into... i suppose i wouldn't say i'd never, but probably not ever... i'm not exactly a hard person to convince to give stuff a try if someone really wants it in most cases
>>5937957
People tell me I look like a borderline psychopath, I don't even know whether it's worse than looking like a lesbian or not
hey, bi girl here and sorry if I'm intruding, but I have a question
is it shitty to generally want to date someone ftm above a cis guy? I kind of see ftm guys as guys without all the weird superiority complexes and things that make a lot of guys assholes and I'm more into afam biologically, so that works for me too in a lot of cases..is that fetishizing? I kind of feel bad about it and I want to know whether I should fix it
>>5950908
i don't see anything wrong with that, but i'll be honest i'm still an asshole in spite of being trans so... your assumptions are a bit off... the biology bit makes sense though
>>5950900
do you have crazy eyes or some shit?
>>5932050
whats the point of the map, if they leave no contact info ;_;
>>5937146
>Part 4 airs tomorrow
Hyped as fuck, man.
>>5951110
you'd be surprised... but whatever you wanna think
you should probably take what i say with a grain of salt though... i don't care about most things, to be fair
>>5951131
Say in thread who you want to summon, they might be around.
>>5950908
Nah, I'm a bi FtM and I don't see anything wrong with it. You still see us as guys. Nothing chaserish or fetishizing about it
>>5951131
I summon thee anon!, I'm about 5 minutes away from thy, and I'm here for another year or so, come forth!
>>5951294
Forgot relevant pic~
>>5950908
>without all the weird superiority complexes and things that make a lot of guys assholes
you are in for a bad time.
honestly though i realize this is our only appeal, so i've been trying to act more like a beta pussy as of late
>>5951398
how are you doing that?
>>5950908
>"I luuuv ftms because they aren't like the other guys, they can empathize with me about all my wymen troubles! xD"
Lmao. It's funny because you think people who have supposibly gone through the same problems (ftms) would sympathize more with you than the Real Men™ because we were raised as girls- when it's mostly the opposite. It's because I was raised as a girl I understand that women don't face real sexism anymore in first world countries and I'm not going to coddle you because you're having your period because- been there, done that, and at the end of the day you need to take an advil and get over yourself.
If I was a Real Man™ I would probably feel really bad for women about sexism, periods, whatever "problems" they have and want to coddle women but I just don't care because I've lived through it and know that it's no big deal.
>>5951299
I don't know if I'm the anon you're looking for but I live close to there. I'm not going to give you my contact info tho because stranger danger no offense bud.
>>5951444
i bought this
dysphoria is fucking baffling
I had it hardcore for the past two years and it was nearly relentless (third episode like this in ten years) and over the past week it's just...either not noticeable, or fucking absent
like I know it's normal for it to fluctuate a little bit but what the fuck
>>5951503
are you a qt? you sound like a qt
>>5951453
mmm niqqa that stuff smells so good
>>5951503
well i suppose it's subjective, what makes someone an asshole... i'm just saying... probably depends on your definition, but i've been called worse shit than that by angry women
>>5951503
>"like I'd have the audacity to complain about gender discrimination to a trans person"
>"I love dating ftms because I can complain to them about my problems and they will understand me"
Yeahh okay sure... Also it doesn't matter either way because I pass so you'd just treat me like the average cis male shitlord. G day m'lady, *tips*
>>5951574
i don't see how those are related... seems like she just expects more empathy or whatever, which has nothing to do with the other thing... just saying
>>5950908
>ftm guys as guys without all the weird superiority complexes
Joke's on you because I express assholery to establish superiority.
>>5951542
not really sorry to dissapoint :(
I guess that depends on your pov though
>>5951554
hah you sound like a fun person
I mean I'm kind of an asshole I get it
it's just this certain type of assholery that I hate
>>5951574
I never said I wanted someone to complain to, I'm not the whining type anyway
I'm just saying that ftm guys seem to have less superiority complexes and weird expectations pounded into them since birth
but if that's not the case then I apologize for assuming off a pretty small group of people
>>5951602
>I'm just saying that ftm guys seem to have less superiority complexes and weird expectations pounded into them since birth
Why are you bi if you think that all men are evil and have "superiority complexes and weird expectations?" Just curious. I'm attracted to women but don't date them for the same reasons you don't like men.
>>5951640
Quit straw manning bro
>>5951451
none taken, add me on kik if you think you can handle the edge: blissfulagony13
>>5951640
Why do you keep putting words in her mouth? Projecting?
>>5950908
Be attracted too and fetishize whoever you want. Don't fix shit that ain't broke. I don't mind chasers as long as they respect my boundaries and that goes for everyone really. Some ftms may not like it, and well if you can't talk it out then find one who is ok with it. Boils down to letting them know that you aren't only into them for that one thing because it's pretty objectifying.
>>5951661
>>5951640
>copy and paste what she said
Yup just a projecting strawman here, nothing to see
>>5951640
do I really have to say "not all men"
I'm not saying all guys are devilspawn, just that what I mentioned is a common theme
also who hurt you
>>5949299
Yeah I looked around. And sorry to the anon who I wrongly replied too.
Anyway it sucked. Most people suggested snorting or IV due to its shit orally. I felt 'ok' for about two hours, didn't really get rid of any pain but it was only 2mg because I wanted to be careful about it trying it for the first time. Ended up flushing the rest because after those two hours it was becoming hell in what I can only describe as a constant on/off switch on the verge on a panic attack and sudden rage mode. Decided not to mess with benzos with it in my system so I just rode it out. Also nauseous from then and still into today despite I have a tolerance for codeine derived opiates.
Mood swings seems like a pretty common side affect so maybe it would have been better with weed and some sort of benzo but I'll leave it to the experts.
>>5951675
Except nowhere did she say
>Why are you bi if you think that all men are evil
>all men are evil
And your
>love dating ftms because I can complain to them about my problems and they will understand me
Sounds like projecting
>>5951716
2 mg seems like nothing... admittedly last time i took anything (so like... codeine 2 nights ago? i think...) i didn't even pay attention to the dosage or mgs i just kinda took whatever + some and with most shit i usually take at least 15 mg, wait a bit and then repeat ... and that's honestly really conservative cuz it's usually a way higher dose than that more like... double that to start, and if i take shit for a while i'll just keep going up every day... opioids anyway...
so 2 really seems like nothing but yeah... honestly in spite of your review i'd probably give it a try and snort it, unless smoking it is decent... i'd rather smoke something than snort it, and i've smoked pills before when taking them orally would've been a complete waste
i can see why you wouldn't... but i've mixed opioids and benzos before and also smoked weed... the 3 combined are a good time, but i feel the same about every possible combination there so yeah...
sucks that you had a bad time with it though...
>>5951825
Didn't read anything about smoking it but I snorted. My body just sucks when it comes to meds(the reactions vary like crazy, even with just a normal table spoon of nyquil when I'm sick could either go fine or fuck me up pretty bad) it's at a low dose. Didn't add the benzos because I have a history of respiratory depression when it comes to both opiates and benzos, and that on top of having sleep apnea thats bordering on dangerous. So I try to be relatively conscious about not accidentally killing myself. It was too close for bedtime to play with it. Sucks, I love drugs but they sure as shit don't love me.
>>5951763
Yes yes be the good white knight to protect the poor wymens feelings, it doesn't matter if she says she will never see ftms equal to men, we're all tumblr fakebois here who flock to any terf in distress :^)
>>5950757
joke's on him then, i don't have boobs anymore.
>>5951915
>she says she will never see ftms as equal to men
uh I see them as equal to men because they are men but whatever keep putting words in my mouth
I got what I wanted anyway, thanks @ everyone who answered me :-)
>>5951872
i can have weird reactions to shit too... actually this time i accidentally ended up taking zoloft instead of xanax (i was coming down from a pcp+ weed high and the bottles were near each other + it's mostly my s/o's fault but whatever... i knew it wasn't xanax, but i took it not knowing what else it could've been...only decided to check later when it felt awful) i had pretty much every bad side effect and spent a few days burning my wrists on a space heater (among other things) cuz i felt completely numb except for pain (found it out by accident) and like i was gonna lose it and kill myself if i didn't do that cuz the numbness was fucking horrible, but once i knew the halflife, i knew it'd be over in a few days so i didn't wanna do any permanent damage... also felt like my insides were shaking, and i couldn't sleep or eat... literally all i kept thinking about was off'ing myself and at that point in my life i hadn't considered suicide before...
also tylenol pm makes me anxious as shit and keeps me up too... never took nyquil
i could see why you wouldn't then... i have a long history of doing shit that's a somewhat bad idea though... like there was a while where all i'd do is wash whiskey down with muscle relaxers... which is a really bad idea, but i enjoyed it... and i hated coke, but i did it for a week... it made me a fucking wreck but it was already there and it was the or be sober so i went with coke...
with opioids though i have a decent idea of my limits cuz i've been taking them on/off since i was 15... so almost half my life really... so i don't tend to be cautious
caution is good though, i've just been lucky... i guess lol suppose it depends on how you feel like defining lucky
Hey /ftmg/ what's your opinion on LDRs?
>>5951958
>taking zoloft instead of xanax
Damn. I'm no doctor, but those symptoms sound a little like serotonin syndrome. That shit can kill ya.
>>5952124
this happened about 6 years ago... like i said i was already fucked up on shit and my s/o handed me the pills... and i was just like "this isn't xanax" and took it anyway
it all turned out alright, after a few days i was fine, but yeah it was scary shit... i know fuckall about serotonin syndrome though... so if that was that well... damn lol
at the time i hid it from my s/o, he was in trade school at the time so while he was gone i'd really lose it and when he was there i'd try to keep it more hidden... and this girl i knew spent all day and night those days checking in on me and texting me and that helped too... didn't go to a hospital or tell anyone but her it was going on...
>>5952015
>LDRs?
Large, Dangerous Rocket Ships?
>>5952015
Abort while you can
>>5952015
How much distance? I can afford the time to frequently visit someone about 3 hours away max. For two years with my ex I'd often take the two hours to see her after work, be it at her place or meet up in the middle.
But not being able to see my SO at least every few weeks? Nah fuck that. I'm not the one to sit there and text for hours.
>>5950908
I don't think it's fetishizing necessarily but you're in for a bad time. FtM guys are just as likely to be fucking aggressive assholes to overcompensate and prove their machismo as they are to be sensitive, everybody is different.
Genderqueer tumblr trans snowflakes will probably work out for you tho tbqh familia
>>5952015
I'm in one now. I left a flyover state for a lucrative Silicon Valley job. I make enough to fly back and visit her once a month and we skype but it sucks. She has no intention of moving out here and I don't want to leave the job so the future looks bad. I was going to propose (bought a ring and everything) before I got the job offer, pretty torn on what to do.
>>5952015
some people can make them work... other people can't... depends on the people involved...
personally i wouldn't bother unless they were cool with not being the only one, though to be fair even someone who lived close by would also have to be cool with that cuz of my s/o... but honestly even if i was single the idea of an exclusive long distance relationship just wouldn't be my thing... again, to be fair a 100% no other options ever exclusive relationship isn't my thing anyway... i can be monogamous for years at a time, but i feel trapped and suffocated if it isn't just by choice and i don't have other options
This is an irrelevant blog post so feel free to skip it. I don't really need any advice or anything I just don't have anyone else to talk to.
Basically I don't think my mom is going to survive 2016. (tldr: cancer) I'm not really sad about it. I've never been close to her and I'm a fully independent adult, we don't even live in the same state. I just feel guilty about not feeling bad, and I feel sorry for everyone else in my family. It's selfish but I don't want to have to deal with the whole big sad event that it is when someone dies. I don't want to do the hospital shit and the funeral shit and the sad family holidays shit. I just find it all so weird and awkward. Not sad, just... do not want. I'm a stereotypical dude and I really do not do well with the whole "emotions" thing.
Actually, now that I think about it that's really the root of everything I'm feeling about this. I just really don't deal well with other people's emotions. Emotions are a super private thing for me, I don't like showing them or talking to other people about them at all. I'm a very emotionally stable person, I just like to deal with my emotions on my own.
Idk. She probably has at least 5-6 more months so I at least have that long to get my shit together on this. Any tips? Even practical stuff for anyone who's lost a parent before. Maybe I should go back to therapy?? Who knows.
tldr: quit smoking you assholes.
How much videogames do you nerds play? Post best final boss music
Beat this one, it's the greatest GOAT of all time.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dZBoiW460nU
>>5952784
I don't have any advice, but that sounds like a shitty situation. Good luck man.
>>5951451
where you at brah?
>>5952822
Not final boss battle, but I'm super into the battle themes from Persona 2 Innocent Sin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX1ZqSmxRe0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vb22li36dJg
So, the area around my binder is really weird. I've used it too tight, and too much I guess, and the fat has redistributed so that my ribs are showing really well in a circle where my binder tightens the most, but not elsewhere. Will this go away after top surgery or have I fucked myself for life here? It looks bad, and it makes it painful to wear a any binder (or bra for that matter). Any advice on fixing it?
>>5952784
both of my parents are alive, so i can't really speak from the perspective of losing one of them (though in all honesty if my dad died i'd be really surprised if i felt much of anything), but i didn't go see my grandmother in the hospital or go to either of my grandparents (and i was close to my grandpa) funerals... and i didn't see death as a bad thing in either case (they were both in their 80's, both had dementia, it's not like being stable or getting worse for another year or so would've been better... for the last year of his life my grandpa would literally just yell from the time he woke up 'til he went to sleep... really fucking loud too... it was honestly like torture living with him at that point) so it made me really uncomfortable to be around everyone who was crying and going crazy over it (with the exception of my little bro, who felt the way i did and told me as much) cuz i didn't feel that way
i hated having people hug me and tell me they were sorry while they cried (and the idea of being stuck at a church my uncle is a deacon at for a funeral didn't help much either) when i was mostly just felt like "it happens" (and "not soon enough" in my grandpa's case) like i was expected to display emotions i didn't have... so i avoided a good deal of that shit, funerals and after funeral get togethers etc... i wouldn't even pick up my phone to not have to hear it
my family didn't really care, i mean... obviously i only told my little bro (who said it first) and s/o how i actually felt, and well my ex...but i just kinda said it wasn't something i could handle and just avoided as much as possible... and hid all the shit that sounded bad from everyone who was really emotional
and i asked a few friends and such both times if i should feel guilty, cuz while i didn't completely everyone else's reactions made me feel like i should... and everyone basically told me the same thing that i'm gonna paraphrase here:
>>5953672
>>5952784
here:
death is a personal thing, and how you feel about it is how you feel about it... you can't help it, and everyone views it differently and grieves differently... you're not obligated to feel what other people feel, or put on a show for them... just handle things the way you need to
it isn't selfish or wrong to not be able to deal with something like that, regardless of the reason
unrelated: what's up with the jeffrey martin thing on my post?
daily reminder to let me pound your boipuccis with my girltinkler
>>5953502
i'm not sure what you mean completely... my ribs stick out a lot to begin with but i've never noticed any changes from binding, and it being in one spot sounds odd... you should probably get some baggy clothes to wear for a bit (stop binding) and go to a doctor honestly... it looking different + pain shouldn't be something you leave alone...
if you really don't want to go see if just stopping for a bit changes anything, and then get a binder that fits you better and wear it less, but i really think you should go to a doctor
>>5953734
Sorry, I meant that I have a ring around my chest where the binder is. Basically the other areas on my ribs look normal but there's a line around where there's no fat so the ribs show really well. The binder fits me, I think I've just been wearing it too much. I can't really deal with going without a binder, so I rarely take it off. I was hoping people had advice on how to fix or alleviate it, other than going without a binder.
>>5953769
oh got'cha... i have pretty much no visual imagination, so picturing things is hard for me and shit... i really don't think there's anything you can do for that other than give yourself awhile without it and hope some of the issue goes away...
i've never worn one of those long binders, but maybe switching to one of those for a bit could help since it wouldn't be digging into the same already sore place... even then though you're probably better off taking it off for a bit and just layering + baggy clothes
i know it sucks, but disfiguring and hurting yourself 'til you can't wear one at all is worse than taking a break for a bit
>>5951453
Fukken lol'd
>>5951451
This guy makes a great point. I'm male since ever, but raised by women, with sisters and female cousins almost exclusively. I basically have no sympathy for "FEMALE DISCRIMINATION" arguments, since I watched all the girls in my life float through on easy street using flimsy excuses for shitty behaviour. Made all the more apparent in contrast with my baby sister, who is a turbo tomboy and never used those excuses, worked her ass off for everything.
The only exception is that I do believe the challenges faced by ladies in mechanical fields. My wife is an engineer, and practically daily, some pissed off asshole calls her a dyke, or asks to talk to the HEAD engineer, which is her.
Also, "real man" is pretty meaningless. Seems like I would probably consider most of the guys in this thread much more manly than several of my massive wuss friends, who won't even go to the range with me because they think guns are "SUPAH SCAWWY BABY-MURDER MACHINEGUNS".
>>5951599
But anon, that is why all guys do it!
>>5952015
Light Dependent Resistors? Old timey electronics, but I guess if they get the job done...
Nah, just kidding. Depends really on how old you are, how long you've already been together, etc. My wife and I lived in different countries for a year, but we had already been together for 6 years, and met in online games for "digital dates" and cybersex most nights. So as dorky as that was, we did just fine.
>>5953797
Yeah I guess. Thanks anon/audrey
>>5953807
np jenna
>>5953672
>>5953689
Thanks brooklyn. All my grandparents are dead and have been for many years. I wasn't close to any of them, they all lived several states away, etc. I went to their funerals and shit but it was a non-event. They were just people I vaguely knew. My father's parents barely spoke english even. Besides them no one I know has ever died. But I guess my family knows me well enough to know by now that I'm a pretty dispassionate person. And they will probably have other things to worry about than my reactions to stuff.
>>5953821
np... i've been to a few funerals, but not for anyone in my family oddly enough... like i went to my godmother's bro's funeral when i was a kid, and when i was in catholic school they just kinda dragged the entire school to some random parishioner's funeral (shit was weird, his family was crying in front of the church and we were just kinda stuck there) + my s/o's dad and my s/o's grandma
my s/o's grandma's funeral was mostly memorable cuz afterwards his mom, aunt, uncles, and cousins + us and his bro and sis all drove to this cemetery she wanted to be buried in cuz she wanted to be buried next to her father (her sister didn't want to give her the plot next to his... to be fair my s/o's grandmother was a huge cunt though) and we kinda just all stood there while my s/o's uncles took turns digging a hole (the ground was frozen btw) next to her father's headstone and when they started dumping her ashes into the hole some of it was blowing everywhere... and we had to like stand around and make sure no one who worked for the cemetery showed up while this was going on... and afterwards they were like posing for pictures (his mom was dressed ridiculous too... fucking all in red with these giant red heels and way too much make up + this ridiculous cane cuz she can't walk in heels) and crying and then we went out to dinner...
in my family though funerals are like this big 3 day thing with tons of food and it's basically like a wedding with a casket and mass cards... and like people you forget existed showing up and whatnot... and lots of church shit cuz parts of my family are ridiculously catholic
but you're right, they do know you, and if you're upfront with them while being conscious of their feelings then i'm sure they'll be understanding enough... they're probably not hyperfocusing on you and won't be + you know how you feel right now, you might feel differently as time passes... if you don't though, that's ok and nothing to feel guilty about
>>5953895
+ the whole digging a spot by the grave to put her ashes in had been my idea... but i initially said it like "see the cemetery's policy on perennials and trees being planted, and then plant something in the spring and put her ashes in by the roots so she gets to be where she wants and the plant is like a headstone" and it just turned into that mess... so sorta my fault, but yeah...
>>5934281
Really? All I can think of is Chaz Bono, who is about as good a mainstream rep for us as Caitlyn Jenner is for MtFs.
>>5939632
Bulk up your waist with muscle and you'll balance back into a rectangle.
>>5953799
>But anon, that is why all guys do it!
Exactly! I'm just as likely to (figuratively) stalk around my territory and piss on stuff as other guys just because I'm just naturally an asshole. #notallFTMs
>>5954002
Damn fuckin right! I mean, I realize not everyone is like that, but it sure seems like a lot of ftms want to be guys, but the girliest guys possible. Is it too much to ask for a little overconfident posturing? Some pissing contests? Idotic drunk conversation?
One of my favorite examples is "could you beat a [animal] in hand to hand?"
My buddy is a zookeeper, so we love to speculate when drunk about what we think we could take on, given the entire animal kingdom. Fairly sure my lethal limit is a boar. Apes are generally considered off limits because they fight dirty. Probably pull your fingers off and kill you while you're in shock.
>>5954064
eh i wouldn't say i wanted to be anything... i just happen to be a transguy, and i'm just myself other than that... i just happen to not be really masculine
so is that a wild boar without any weapons? like literally just your bare hands?
>>5954064
There's a difference between masculinity and low class. Grow up, m8
>>5954064
I think posturing is fun and I love talking shit. Sometimes I can even back it up, usually through sheer stubbornness or dumb luck and that's fucking exciting. The image it builds it probably less "anon is tough and can do it" than "anon is nuts and will do it".
>"anon I dare you to eat that chilli"
>eat that chilli like a jackass
>fucking dying
>refuse to spit it out when people say to
>touch eye, obviously terrible idea
>"want to know the kicker?"
>"what"
>"i just got it in my eye too"
>everyone's loving it
>stare wildly around the table with with red watery eye
>"makes me feel alive"
>pain passes
>"how was that, anon"
>"pfft, too easy, give me a challenge next time"
>"do you want another one"
>"nah i don't want to show you guys up any more than i have"
>>5954064
I think my lethal limit would be, like, a goose. I could totally kick a gander in the neck.
>>5954607
Stupid dares are the essence of male bonding. You've got the right of it.
>>5954607
chili peppers aren't even spicy though... that's like how i get my little bro to do dumb shit though, just a lot of retarded dares and he's in every time it's funny as hell
>>5955180
Different peppers are different strengths, I think mine was a cayenne and it was a kick in the face. And I'm sure none of them are pleasant if you're an ass like me and get it in your eye.
>>5955016
Added fun when a friend did the same thing after seeing my reaction. Either to check if I was being a bitch or because pissing contest. He suffered too so I'm happy with a tie.
>>5955302
i have a really high tolerance to spicy food... but yeah that shit sucks in your eye... my birds eat spicy peppers and i've accidentally touched their food and then my eyes way too many times
>>5954116
Yes. Bare handed. I am assuming I have the jump on the boar, and can get on it's back. Then in a life or death scenario, I will claw at its eyes and bite at its throat.
>>5954148
Fedorable.
>>5954607
Grown old now, we have kids now, and a sense of self preservation. But back in the day, good god. We used to have these... "tard olympics" for lack of a better term. Ruined my sense of smell forever by winning the snorting portion. Snorted hot spices, various spirits, salt, jello powder... also shopping cart jousts, pudding eating competitions, all sorts of shit.
>>5954626
Pic related. A legend on /k/.
>>5955016
Truth. Even when we should know better. Still get stupid on camping trips. Gotta be a little careful though, or the wives get turbo pissed. It's all fun and games until someone gets a hatchet inna shin.
