>AGP questions and answers
>Thoughts and feelings / emotions
>Help, advice, guidance
>Be cozy and chill out
>What is AGP?
Autogynephilia, from Greek αὐτό- ("self"), γυνή ("woman") and φιλία ("love")
Broadly, sexual or nonsexual arousal to the thought of oneself being a woman
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cool to see it's back. reposting this from last time bc no response
I'm in this weird period right now..
The AGP really isn't that extreme and now I'm wondering if it ever was strong at all or if it was just some kind of weird made up thought. I ended up caving in to hormones a few months ago and I just...don't feel like a freak when I'm living and stuff even though I obviously am. I don't jerk off that often any more nor get the urge to wear women's clothes like I did. I've started wanting a gf a lot more and this is really the time I feel (well...think kind of, idk) like a freak in that I'm not worthy of getting any gf because I'm some weird fucking dude.
But idk I'm just kind of in a "meh" stage where I'm not really feeling like getting off the hormones but at the same time I just think "what is my end game here?" you know, like at some point I'm going to have to stop or go full tranny and I just don't see that getting any easier. Each way there are things critically against what I am, I think. To tranny is to go against being a laid-back low maintenance type and to change personality, and against the desire to have a normal relationship. To go off is to go against the desire not to age more like a caveman and look gross and then get hit again with the compulsive fapping and recurrent fetishizing of going back on...
YOU DOWN WITH AGP?
>>5800879
I'M DOWN ARE YOU DOWN
>>5800561
who's got a cure for the agp my niggas? please respond
Fucking AGP is killing me atm. I've been making up alter egos and alternative personas to suit my AGP personality wise. I'm in a really healthy and really great relationship, but lately we haven't been able to have sex because of my AGP. It makes me sad to think about being on top atm. AGP is destroying my relationships and has been destroying me since 16/17.
Is that andreja? Godammn I am jealous of that bitch
>>5800561
>heel striking while running
http://poal.me/kd2jf5
http://poal.me/kd2jf5
http://poal.me/kd2jf5
>>5805951
yeah pretty bad tbqhwyf
>>5805916
jeez, that sounds rough. how old are you now?
have you tried seeing a therapist about this? it seems like you have fairly specific issues that one might help with
>>5805961
>No
>0 votes
>>5804305
what kind of cure do you want?
get on hormones?
or on SSRIs?
both will help in a way
>>5810166
topkek
this is worse than /femgen/
I was strongly negative about that stuff, but now I want to give a try, I've nothing to lose
>>5810673
being about 4 months in, I feel like I'm getting less agp. like I don't masturbate compulsively like I used to, and I do it much less and I think I actually understand what being horny is like for the first time. it's weird.
>>5810789
so basically you needed something to calm down and lower your libido?
what about the feminization effects and how do you feel about that?
>>5810796
Hahaha Nigga just fucking masturbate the agp away
Like that's all you need to do
>>5810796
idk...maybe? i'm hesitant to say yes because i don't think my sex drive was that high really
i like the effects. it seems like in the past few weeks my leg skin has gotten really soft because they feel so nice now. like really.
the only thing is that i'm kind of anxious that people will find out and decide i'm a freak, although recently i've kind of just been ok with everything. i did switch AAs recently so maybe that has something to do with it? maybe one doesn't or didn't work. maybe what i'm taking now isn't working and i actually feel better with test? no idea, although i haven't really had the desire to stop taking them in like a month and half (there were a couple periods where i stopped for a bit, believing i could just go back and be a normal dude)
but i'm not a normal dude whether i take them or i don't, so....whatever i guess. it's kind of retarded but whatever
>>5810808
This desu. Just fap it away, every day.
>>5810789
>being about 4 months in, I feel like I'm getting less agp. like I don't masturbate compulsively like I used to, and I do it much less and I think I actually understand what being horny is like for the first time. it's weird.
10 years on HRT here and I had the same experience. Way before I started regularly passing the intense desire to want to be a woman was curbed pretty quickly just because I was less horny.
I think at this point I can just outright say that testosterone kind of sucks and is not for me. It was exhausting thinking about sex nearly all of the time. It's pretty novel and refreshing when you actually have to be like...in the mood to masturbate or want to fuck someone.
>>5815505
so...what happens after? I mean, it is like this
> the intense desire to want to be a woman was curbed pretty quickly
and yet I don't feel like quitting the hormones and even feel some anxiety at the thought of it. it doesn't make sense
>>5815943
Not her but for me it's like I don't want to stop but I'm not sure I want to present as a girl either so I'm stuck in limbo
>>5815943
>>5816088
I wasn't quite as obsessed with wanting to appear as a sexy woman outwardly, meanwhile I slowly became more comfortable with myself and my body how it was, even while it was still changing.
Ironically enough, the more feminine in appearance I became, the less it really mattered to me.
Not to imply I am not happy with my body and how I am now. I am. At this point though, I really feel like if I had not been able to pass, and wound up becoming a "hon" it would not have been the end of the world. I probably still would have felt better than before and would have found other things that made me happy besides my appearance.
I'm still glad I turned out the way I did though.
>>5816177
I'm pretty sure they mean AFTER fapping anon. Do you usually feel as strongly about wanting to be a woman right after you blow a load?
>>5817887
i think he is saying that by fapping to the fantasies you ingrain them
>>5800846
holy shit you are me
i just was about to post pretty much the same post
>>5821249
well....it's better than nothing to know someone is in the same situation. but still. what do? have you come up with anything?
>>5823874
well, i started in a job about a year ago that keeps me pretty occupied. i experience zero dysphoria in my day-to-day live, it's only when it comes to relationships that i realize i'm not your everyday man. i've come out to a number of friends, who mostly think i should 'just try' to get a relationship and see how it plays out. they all insist that there is someone out there who's into 'someone like me'. but considering my age, most of my peers are in the stage where they are looking for serious relationships and even children (i'm 28). i'm unsure whether that is for me at all, because i also need my alone time. as far as hormones go, i've been taking finasteride for a few years now, and i'm now considering estrogens. procurement would be no problem, as i'm now a doctor and can get any medication without prescription. also looking into facial hair removal. going all the way to becoming a woman is out of the question at my age, but maybe it doesn't have to be all or nothing. i've become pretty self-confident and i generally noticed i don't care as much, probably because i have a proper job and probably also serenity comes with age. the thought of crossdressing would have freaked me out a few years ago, but i think i may try it some time, although i literally don't know how to dress up, i've always been a low-life dressed in cargo pants, and i'm also very identified with that persona. the whole thing is a bit of a mystery to myself, because i'm unable to properly formulate my problem. i don't care about the pronouns in my passport, or my Y chromosome, or my role in society. maybe what it comes down to is just wanting to be pretty, which i feel is a bit narcissistic. i really want to be able to care about somthing other than me and myself. i'll probably start psychoanalysis this fall as part of my training in psychiatry, maybe this will yield some insight. for now, i'll try to make small steps and keep open about it, not bury the topic.
hope i make sense
>>5824951
I'd say talk to a good gender therapist. One of the things they say is "Only a fool has himself for a therapist."
>>5820305
I want that!
>>5826445
>Only a fool has himself for a therapist.
i think you misunderstood. being in therapy is mandatory, so i'll be in therapy anyway
>>5824951
you're an MD? so you wanna write me a bica script hhehheh?
anyway my impression was that you meant AA+estrogen for "hormones," but I guess that isn't the case. Are you taking 1mg or 5mg? For the purpose of hair loss prevention or minimal feminization?
over how long did things start to ramp up for you?
are your only reservations that "it won't work out," not that you would like it if it would?
i have my doubts that it is really that much easier to find a girl "who's into 'someone like me'" than it is for full blown trannies, although now that i'm writing that i'm not so sure
>>5824951
what do you mean by "come out"?
>>5826914
So psychiatrists-in-training are required to go through therapy themselves?
>>5828171
only finasteride 1mg atm. primarily because because of hair loss, but i was kinda hoping for side effects - i have none as far as i can tell. so i thought the next step would be estrogens. still hesitant about aa, because that would need some supervision (osteoporosis, etc, but maybe i'll do that further along the way). also, no, i can't write prescriptions outside the hospital, because i don't have a license to practice, but i can get anything for myself with my id. the thing about relationships isn't worrying i'd find someone (well, actually, that too), but that i just can't picture how that could work.
>>5829293
well, just tell them whats up with me, kind of the same that you now know about me. usually prompted by the question 'why are you so weird?' or 'why don't you have a girlfriend?' :-)
>>5829716
short answer yes.
long answer: becoming a psychiatrist works like any specialty within medicine, you have to do 6 years in a psychiatric hospital (including some internal medicine and some neurology). but psychiatrists are additionally required to essentially also become psychotherapist, and that in turn includes being in therapy.
i'm curious, is any of you >>5800846 ?
>>5830084
I'm not that anon, sorry. So why did you choose psychiatry? I am considering becoming a doctor, but not a psychiatrist (right now I have a larger list of specialties I don't want to be in than ones I might want to be in). I'm still undergrad, though.
>>5800846
The compulsive fapping and fetishising doesn't sound all that laid back, but then again, woman age too, arguably less well than guys.
What if you just suppress androgens without taking feminine hormones, it'd help keep skin, hair, and scent, nice, while preventing baldness.
>>5830139
dunno, i was always unsure whether to become a doctor at all, when i started studying i thought i'd be a brain scientist or something, then i spent some time in psychiatric neuroscience, but i got kind of disillusioned about the way science works (i. e. i was not very successful), and when it came to choosing a specialty it was kind of obvious that psychiatry is the most interesting. i'm having trouble explaining why, but i'd be skeptical of anyone who will cite practical arguments for psychiatry anyway. it's just exciting, unusual, a bit adventurous. and you need lots of patience. sometimes i worry about whether i'm always doing the right thing, because psychiatry is, and will always be, in that gray area, where you're not sure whether the patient will be better of if you try to help them or if you try to spare them from being institutionalized at all.
which specialties are you considering?
>>5830202
I was considering cardiology, neurology, immunology, dermatology, radiology, and oncology.
What does /agpg/ think of my sim?
>>5830084
>hesitant about aa, because that would need some supervision (osteoporosis, etc
you wont have any if you take estro or SERMs with AAs
but of course you should do blood tests to have your levels in check if you are going HRT
>'why are you so weird?' or 'why don't you have a girlfriend?' :-)
'cause I'm my own gf'?
I cant even imagine describing whats wrong with me (too much)
>>5835077
yeah I don't know how I could ever explain to real people how I have AGP...
>>5838248
I feel like AGP is like a worse version of purgatory. You don't know what you did to end up here, trans people look down on you for being a fetishist and not having severe dysphoria, and cis people either don't understand why you're not trans or, if they're transphobic, think you're just as "weird" as trans people.
I feel like I'm in an extra special level of hell because I grew up fat and now I've lost a ton of weight but still have gynecomastia. With a shirt on I look like a relatively masculine guy (with the right shirt, I look like I work out hardcore). Without one on, I'm a horrible mess of stretch marks, loose skin, not-quite-breasts, and shoulders so broad you could land a fighter jet on them. I just feel disgusting in general on top of the fact that my body is like "man? Woman? Thing. Yes, you are a thing."
>>5800846
men age much much better than women, the fuck are you on about
>>5839606
>tfw agp and severe dysphoria
>>5800561
how long before you can choose whatever body you want to be put in and can switch and change whenever you want? like 50 years min?
If I had the choice now, I would spend most of my time as a little girl.
>>5830197
No sex hormones = Osteoperosis, big time. If you remove the T you gotta add the E.
>always wanted to be a girl ever since i was a tiny kid, remember wanting to wear girls clothes
>at puberty, started fapping to straight porn, best when i imagine im the girl
>start only ever fapping imagining im a girl, dont think i've ever done it without
>eventually inevitably find sissy porn and shit
>get really into that, fap to it for a while
>post cd pics online for random guys and then talk to them in private about my feelings and stuff while i sent them pictures
>late teens
>something gives
>major depression, like nothing i've ever felt before. All fetishes and libido itself dies, cant stop crying over how fucking terrifying all this is, about how i dont want to be a tranny
>major anxiety attacks
>therapy isnt getting me anywhere
>cave in, buy hormones
>they arrive
>at the same time decide im not a tranny
>been secretly taking hormones for 9 months, nobody knows, not even 20 yet, dont attend therapy
>still bothers me occasionally but not much
>self esteem went through the roof, love how i look as a boy
>only really occasionally fap, mostly over manly dom guys sometimes intimate stuff
>sometimes feels kind of out of phase because i feel like more of a girl than a boy sometimes and i never felt like a girl at all before
Guess this is my life now. It may be better but its still fucking weird. Why me
>don't wanna become a tranny
>no cure for dysphoria in sight
kill me desu famicon
>>5839812
>no cure for dysphoria in sight
Natural selection tends to get rid of genetic trash, only humans are cruel enough to protect them and keep this cancerous mutation in the gene-pool.
>>5839773
>No sex hormones = Osteoperosis, big time. If you remove the T you gotta add the E.
You can also use the treatments they use for osteoporosis to keep it at bay.
>>5840454
>going through all of that horseshit instead of just "manning up" and letting estrogen turn you into a straight girl
ISHYGDDT
>>5839777
This is me. Embrace the androgyny and be a cute girl in jeans and vest shirt
>>5840469
Some people just wanna be androgynous. Who are we to judge?
>>5839777
Hey, I was there, took hormones for 5 years 14-19 when I was afraid it was a fetish / wasn't sure I wanted to transition / was afraid to because parents. Eventually I decided to just do what makes me happy and transitioned, went full time, and now I'm a pretty cute girl thanks to the hormones. HRT is pretty much a win/win scenario, either you transition and avoid lots of grief and pain, or you don't but still look cuter like you want to.
>>5840566
I have a theory about the whole "AGP" thing. You know how when you can't have sex, you become more sensitive to stimuli that even subtly or tangentially remind you of it? Like just touching someone could make you feel aroused. This, combined with being unable to be in a normal relationship in a body that you hate, combined with the sort of sex drive imprinting that happens in early adolescence, means you associate being a woman with arousal, because it's the first step to getting a normal sexual relationship and from far away it looks like the whole thing. In my experience, once you actually become a girl the conditioned response gradually fades away and it becomes more normal, I mean before transition just putting on makeup would make me aroused, now it's just what I do to get ready for work, at most I might feel happy about how pretty I look. What's left of that line of thought for me is generally being dominated by guys larger than me and feeling girly in comparison, which isn't really very different from a cis female's sex drive.
![tumblr_nhv5lonbo31shn41no4_1280[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/2d7auHZ.jpg "tumblr_nhv5lonbo31shn41no4_1280[1].jpg")
>>5839812
if you have sort of body dysmorphia then antidepressants might help
and you dont become a tranny if you just get on whoremoans and dress up occasionally
>>5840706
Oh damn who's this cutie?
>>5840566
Can I set up shop on your forehead?
>>5841063
just a Russian boy who like qt dresses and chastity
http://minusthree-3.tumblr.com
>>5842610
>redhead doesn't have a cock
>always wanted to be a girl
>prayed to god every night, dreamed about it, wore my sister's clothes in private
>but i never really acted girly or anything except a bit in first grade and before
>don't remember when but eventually it turned sexual, started masturbating to transgender erotica i found online
>high school rolls around, go to an all-boy's school, decide it's time to get rid of this
>repression works for a while, but it creeps back in college
>give into my fate and transition about 2 years ago
I'm immensely happier except one thing: dressing like a girl and getting gendered female still gives me that arousal, and still gives me boners. It actually kills me, I hate it so so much but I don't have any idea what to do about it. It makes me feel so gross, like a constant reminder of "oh you're not *really* a girl, just a faker".
I just don't know. Life is hard.
>>5843204
Weak willed faggot
Letting a fetish rule your life baka
>>5843204
Did you have a choice in going to the all-boys school? I got some recruitment stuff from what I think was an ecumenical Christian all boys boarding school in 8th grade, I suppose because I took the SAT in 7th grade (it wasn't anything impressive, like 43rd percentile on one section among high school seniors that year and 64th percentile in the other section). I didn't consider the school seriously because I didn't want an all boys school on my transcript and personal history/memory. Plus, I figured it would be mostly gay kids in there. Was that what it was like, tons of gay kids? Not that I would have gone even if I wanted to, I was sure my parents didn't have the money and I wasn't anything special enough academically to get a scholarship.
>>5843204
welp, i guess these boners aren't going to go away x_x
you're obviously the type of agper that some people who argue agp=trans think is the common case. you always wanted to be a girl. then it was sexual after. just get srs
>>5843342
Why did your parents force you to go? To get you to "shape up"?
>But nah, no gay kids really.
Huh, that's surprising. Was there an all-girls school nearby? Or maybe the gay kids who were considering attending were all in denial and thought going to an all boys school would be too obvious.
>>5843338
Maybe that could be. A blend of AGP and tru-trans. SRS is definitely a future goal for sure.
I barely even consider it to be "sexual" either, that was just the best way to word it that I could think of.
>>5843355
>Why did your parents force you to go? To get you to "shape up"?
Nope, that's part of why I wanted to go though.
>Was there an all-girls school nearby?
Yup. It was partially co-ed because some classes were shared.
I can think of one other "sexual minority" at my school, this gay kid who was a very good friend of mine, but he was pretty well repressed so nobody knew until after graduation.
Anyway, guess I'm going to go sleep. I just wanted to get that off my chest.
>>5843204
Wow, are you me? That is literally my story minus the all-boys school, and plus me getting HRT online during my teen years to keep the window open for transition, which I did in college and I'm so much happier, been living as a girl for over a year, pass pretty much 100%. Only problem is what you described but it's slowly fading.
>>5843233
But she said she's happier now. You can hypothesize about fetishes, but the bottom line of any decision if it will make you happier, and it did for her.
>>5845916
>pass pretty much 100%
can you elaborate on the times you don't? the thought of at all not passing scares me :/
>>5845916
Lol maybe! I'm really glad to know that I'm not alone.
>plus me getting HRT online during my teen years
Ahh so jealous! When I was growing up I didn't even know that hormone replacement was a thing for transition, the only information I could find was about surgery. I did completely avoid the subject throughout high school though, so maybe I would have found out more had I kept looking. I dunno :\
>the bottom line of any decision if it will make you happier, and it did for her
Very true! I'm still sorting myself out, I don't really think I pass super well yet even though I am getting gendered female often. Presenting female is just so daunting, especially with this erection problem. It's funny though, being gendered female even online still feels so foreign to me. Maybe its a confidence thing.
How old were you when you started transition if you don't mind me asking? And how long ago was that?
>>5846186
Um, the last time I noticed someone noticing that I was trans was about a year ago - I'm consistently gendered female and when I use women's restrooms nobody gives me a second look. Maybe someone's noticed at some point but I never got any signs of it. Some assholes on 4chan post mean things (even here most people say I pass though), but I never had any kind of problems IRL. I was kinda surprised, really, I don't look that perfect to myself at all in the mirror but I guess nobody does.
>>5840566 is me now, and pic is from about half a year ago.
>>5846223
I started taking hormones at 14, but only a low dose that I could afford with my allowance - with a few breaks lasting a month or two. It stopped puberty as far as I can tell, but I didn't get boobs or curves or anything. At the time I wasn't sure I would transition, but I knew it was pretty likely and I would be screwed if I just waited through puberty, I had horrible genetics. I decided to go full time and raise my hormone dose at 20, and I'm 21 and a half now. Boobs are here but small and growing slowly.
>>5846367
That's very cool. Were your parents not accepting and that's why you had to self med all that time?
I feel your pain on the boob front, I still am almost completely flat and I've been on a full dose for about 18 months. I got screwed over a bit genetically and also because I was a swimmer so I've got a pretty big torso and shoulders, but I'm working on dieting that away. Are you still self medding at this point?
Hope things keep going well for you! You definitely look like your putting a lot more effort into presenting female than I ever have.
>>5846367
Also did people think you were gay in school and stuff? People called me gay and asked if I was gay all the time throughout school but I don't know if they were serious or just bullying.
>>5800561
oh I get it, so you can be AGP but not trans
yeah I guess that's me
>>5846739
Not that anon, but I think that's standard for MtFs if you're not overcompensating. By the end of 9th grade, pretty much every 9th grader thought I was gay. The two gay kids and the Baptist faghag in my English class (I think I was the only kid who wasn't taking drama class) were trying to prove it with one of the gay boys (a twink) attempting to seduce me. I'm not sure what people thought of me in 10th grade, besides not being a threat. In 11th grade one guy asked me if I was gay immediately upon meeting me. I think later he figured out that I was MtF.
>>5846864
Well the thing is my parents never thought I was even gay, me coming out was such a shock to them. So that's why I think it may have been bullying. I feel like I didn't act all that gay so I dunno.
Funny stories though. Were you into guys or girls? Was people thinking you were gay bad in your mind?
>>5846900
My parents apparently never thought I was gay or trans either. I guess because I mostly spent my time at home in front of the computer when I wasn't reading or doing homework. That includes when my parents would want to take us all out, I would stay at home in front of the computer. So we're just strangers to each other, really. Before I came out, they just knew me as their boring, bored, silent, homebody son who was last seen happy and friendly years ago. It was only natural that my classmates, people who I spent more time around, and who wouldn't have a cognitive bias against facing the truth that my parents would ("M-my son isn't g-gay! He-he just hasn't taken an interest in girls yet!") would notice something odd about me when my parents wouldn't.
Well, I had crushes only on girls, but there were moments where when talking to guys, I would start blushing or my dick would tingle when they got close, and I wouldn't know why. I would also avoid some guys' gazes as if I liked them. Because of that, along with not having formed any recent crushes on girls at one point, I did ask myself if I was gay. I tried to get rid of all my biases so I could get right down to the truth of it, but I found "gay" was not my descriptor.
Well, it was bad to me to be seen as gay but not because I had a stigma against gays. I was afraid that others had a stigma against gays, and I didn't want to bear the cross of something I'm not. I was also really anally retentive, so classifying a thing as something that it isn't (others classifying me as gay) or things not being 100% perfect within a given set of rules (grammar and spelling, a set of perpendicular lines, etc.) really bothered me.
>>5846900
>>5847064
An example of one time I thought it was bad to be perceived as gay. Once, I was taken for a girl in 9th grade by an upperclassman even though I had thick, black chin hairs. I don't remember his exact words, but he basically cat called me as he was walking behind me (otherwise he would have seen my goatee). He realized his mistake and said, "Oh, that's a boy!" and he laughed. I thought the next words out of his mouth would be "What a fag," and then all the guys would pile on me and beat the shit out of me, so I sped the fuck up and darted over to the 9th graders' side of the school. That was an overreaction.
I'm bi, in actuality.
>>5847064
>>5847069
That all sounds astonishingly familiar, just like my life.
>I did ask myself if I was gay. I tried to get rid of all my biases so I could get right down to the truth of it, but I found "gay" was not my descriptor.
I totally agree with that, "gay" is not a word that I liked to describe myself with but that was before I understood what being trans meant. I knew I wasn't gay but I didn't know how else to explain how I felt.
Also very much yes to fear of others having issues with gays. I never really had problems with gay people but I knew other people did and I knew being gay was something I should never ever let myself be perceived as being.
>I'm bi, in actuality.
Same same. I started exploring my sexuality a lot more after I came to terms with transitioning and ended up in a relationship with a guy, and I'm finding it very very nice. I'm not sure if I'm capable of a relationship with a girl - even though I am sometimes attracted to girls, I just can't picture myself in a relationship with one.
>>5847150
>That all sounds astonishingly familiar, just like my life.
Including being anally retentive, or was that just me?
>I'm not sure if I'm capable of a relationship with a girl - even though I am sometimes attracted to girls, I just can't picture myself in a relationship with one.
Though I don't pass yet, so I haven't dated anyone, I feel the same.
>>5847408
>Including being anally retentive, or was that just me?
Ah somewhat. I've always been a stickler for the rules for sure.
>Though I don't pass yet, so I haven't dated anyone, I feel the same.
I don't think I do either :\ But my bf is really good to me, and though I think he hugboxes he's overall very considerate.
How long have you been working on transition for?
>>5847483
>Ah somewhat. I've always been a stickler for the rules for sure.
Do you think that kept you from accepting you were trans for a time?
>But my bf is really good to me, and though I think he hugboxes he's overall very considerate.
That's sweet of him. How did you two meet?
>How long have you been working on transition for?
I only started HRT six months ago. I'm not doing anything else, like squats and such, because given my jaw, I would get clocked for my face instantly. I don't really think I'll ever pass, so giving my body a more feminine shape wouldn't be a good idea.
>>5847518
>Do you think that kept you from accepting you were trans for a time?
Absolutely.
>How did you two meet?
I'm almost embrassed to admit it but we met playing world of warcraft, in a group from a 4chan thread :x It's an LDR, but he's been one of my biggest supporters as far as transition.
>I only started HRT six months ago. I'm not doing anything else, like squats and such, because given my jaw, I would get clocked for my face instantly. I don't really think I'll ever pass, so giving my body a more feminine shape wouldn't be a good idea.
I tried to avoid feminizing myself for the longest time after starting, for the same reason, and shockingly I've been getting gendered female lately in boy mode. I don't get it, but now I'm feeling like I should really start working on it, I'm dieting down a bit. Never would have thought I had a chance to pass but apparently I'll be pretty good soon. Now I just have to deal with the social issues with transitioning.
>>5847727
>Absolutely.
I wonder if in the beginning, being in denial about being trans causes you to become uptight, or being uptight causes you to become in-denial about being trans but they certainly have a vicious circle effect going on.
>we met playing world of warcraft
As a nostalgia thing, or was this some time ago? When do you think you'll be able to see each other in flesh and blood?
>I've been getting gendered female lately in boy mode
My fear about that is that I'll only gendered female in boy mode, but in girl mode, everyone can tell I'm trans, like some others on the board have described.
>Now I just have to deal with the social issues with transitioning.
Good luck with that. Do you already have a wardrobe picked out?
>>5847802
>I wonder if in the beginning, being in denial about being trans causes you to become uptight, or being uptight causes you to become in-denial about being trans but they certainly have a vicious circle effect going on.
It really does. I have no idea which started first. I was pretty laid back as a kid though, so it might be the first way for me.
As for meeting each other, it was about 3 years ago, we both still play actually. We met up IRL in december, he wants to move out here and live with me which I really want but I'm also really scared of. That's another whole can of worms though.
>My fear about that is that I'll only gendered female in boy mode, but in girl mode, everyone can tell I'm trans, like some others on the board have described.
That is *exactly* me! My irl friend keeps pushing me to go full time since I keep getting gendered female but I'm so scared that once I start trying to present as a girl that it'll be more obvious.
>Good luck with that. Do you already have a wardrobe picked out?
I wear women's versions of men's stuff as it is right now - button downs, chinos, stuff like that. Hopefully that'll change a bit when I get more confidence.
What are your plans/goals then, if you're avoiding feminizing yourself too much? Stay boymode on hormones forever or do you have other ideas?
>>5847916
>he wants to move out here and live with me
There are more opportunities in your town than where he is so it's smarter for him to go to you than the other way around?
>My irl friend keeps pushing me to go full time
Are they cis? I can't imagine a trans girl not knowing what this is like (except like a really early transitioner).
>What are your plans/goals then, if you're avoiding feminizing yourself too much? Stay boymode on hormones forever or do you have other ideas?
Yep, that's the plan, unless I'm granted a miracle. At least I look younger and I have pretty much all of my old hairline back, and I might have the rest back too. I'm not sure at this point.
>>5846638
>That's very cool. Were your parents not accepting and that's why you had to self med all that time?
Yeah, parents were pretty homo/transphobic and I couldn't take the risk of telling them and having them stop me from getting hormones or something even worse, until I turned 18. I eventually got a prescription at 20, made it easier to get a higher dose of estrogen, plus progesterone, which finally made my boobs grow.
>>5846739
Sometimes, I was mostly socially withdrawn though and found it hard to talk to people much less get in any relationship. It's amazing how more extroverted I became after transition, seems just having a self image you can be proud of and everyone calling you "she/her" improves self esteem drastically.
Are you presenting female full time BTW? For me, the first few months of full time were a little frightening, but also the most amazing euphoria in my life, better than any drug and I've tried a lot of drugs. Also when I came out on Facebook as trans, it was the most likes I've ever had and unanimously positive comments like "congratulations, proud of you girl" that just made me wonder what I was afraid of in the first place that made me hesitate to transition. It was a great start to a really great life ^.^
>Stay boymode on hormones
That's a pretty good idea, just let your body slowly feminize until you're a few clothing and makeup away from looking like a normal girl. Then people start calling you "miss" in boy mode and you know that your male life is coming to an end.
>>5848516
this kind of seems the best option
>>5848046
Sorry, I went to bed.
It's more because I've got a full time job, I graduated from college last June, so it made more sense for me to stick with my job than for him to stick with his, as much as I love his city (Denver).
Yes my friend is cis. She's mostly very understanding and I feel like I wouldn't have made as much progress with transition without her, but sometimes she just doesn't get my fears. Which can be a blessing because lots of times she helps me realize my fears actually are completely irrational!
Well if its mostly your face holding you back and you're not in a *huge* rush to start presenting female, saving up for ffs is always an option. It's a lot of money though. Congratulations on the hairline though! I can't tell if mines coming back in at all. Looking at my younger brother I probably started getting male patterned baldness at age 15 so it was probably waaaay too late for hormones to fix anything.
>>5848493
Aww that's a shame, but all is well that ends well. Your yet say that progesterone helped? I'm going to my doctor next month and I was going to ask him about it.
>It's amazing how more extroverted I became after transition
I've noticed that I've become a LOT less awkward and a lot more capable in social situations since I started hrt, so I definitely know what you mean.
I am not full time, and now I'm not really even part time anymore. My cis friend who I used to present around moved and now I don't feel that I have anyone I'd be comfortable going girlmode with anymore. And I'm boymode at my job and I just can't see myself coming out there, it's an engineering job with mostly older men and it just scares me. I'd come out on Facebook but I hardly ever use mine and I don't think anyone I'm friends with on there would care, I haven't spoken to many of them in years.
I also just don't think I'm ready to go full time. I feel like I look very odd when I try to present female so it scares me, even though boymode fails all the time now.
>>5800561
Uhm, sorry about what I am about to say, I am sure it's been explained well over a thousand times, but...
What's the difference between being an mtf trans and feeling agp?
>>5854487
Mtf trans is a person who was male at birth and transitioned later to become female.
Agp is the feeling of arousal at the thought of ones self as female. People with agp can be mtf, but don't have to be, and vice versa.
>>5800561
Man, you fucks just keep coming up with disorders and reasons why you don't feel right. Fuck, just accept that you'll never be what you want to be and that you'll never be happy. Once you figure that shit out and stop trying to figure out what the fuck you are, and instead focus on what you want to do, the sooner you will actually feel better in life.
>>5854487
Being an ordinary trans woman (or "trutrans") has been described as not being aroused by women's clothing, not being aroused at the thought of being a woman, but wanting to be or knowing you are a woman from a young age, having an attraction exclusive to men without needing to fantasize about being a woman with them, being feminine throughout life including having mostly female friends in childhood, and some other things.
AGP has been described as being aroused by imagining oneself as a woman, taking a sexual interest in men only when you imagine him admiring your female body, being aroused by wearing women's clothes, being aroused as you see your body become more feminine on hormones, becoming aroused at the thought of doing something women do even if it's not sexual, being a completely normal man otherwise, late-onset, etc. I had a mild AGP moment at 11 years old when I saw https://youtu.be/dW2MmuA1nI4?t=1m59s on MTV.
You can read Men trapped in Men's Bodies to see extreme cases of AGP. Perhaps someone still has the link to the PDF. Personally, I think some AGP is normal for MtFs.
>>5800879
YEAH TOU KNOW ME
OPP
>>5855346
oh! if only I'd thought to just feel better then I wouldn't have had to feel so bad!
wow thanks anon!
I'm bored and the trannies aren't cooperating, so post your face and I'll make you into a pretty girl
>>5855627
Be forewarned though, reading Men trapped in men's bodies will either be hilarious or extremely disgusting to you.
>>5800561
You guys might want to see this movie.
>>5856275
I've got you covered on the movie, senpai. https://mega.nz/#F!dBgmgaAb!7sVnxv5tqMhEPXKKk7DTLw Did you hear about it before?
Do you have a link to the book? I only read a bit before because while it was funny, it was making me cringe hard.
Did anyone else get over their AGP? It hasn't bothered me for about 2 years now.
I still have lots of lesbian fantasies, but I just don't care anymore. They're fantasies and they don't influence my real life actions, just like my extreme fantasies about castration and being enslaved don't affect my real life.
Wow that a very attractive woman. Good thing I am a white, heterosexual man who can enjoy such a picture of a white, presumably heterosexual woman with revealing shorts and a very fine body, just like i was intended to by millions of years of evolution and selective breeding. Thank God.
>>5856678
You sound gay af.
>>5856693
I am, in fact, a heterosexual, white male, who identifies as... a heterosexual, white male.
>>5856678
It's a good thing to know you consider Andreja Pejic a woman, anon. It's very reassuring.
anyone wanna fuck me until im not agp anymore?
Imma just go ahead and drop some bombs...
tl;dr AGP is not a big deal. It is not a stigma. Cis women have it too. Rethink your lives.
http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/00918360903005212#abstract
>>5856795
would berry
>>5856557
some anons have posted it on in different threads before
https://mega.nz/#!QQhmlSiK!FrOf3kqO_BedoSWjAgv18LpLC6pvxFnCKX3_I8WIwCk
I only have the epub version though
>>5856617
how did you do it? how old are you?
>>5856808
>sample of 51
kek
>>5859890
it's even lower. and did you read the questions and answers? lol
>tfw both your agp and male body are here to stay
>>5855358
>having an attraction exclusive to men
so transbians aren't 'trutrans'? that's some bullshit right there
>>5856808
it's not a stigma for women sure
being a guy who getts off on being a girl is totally different, men are still not allowed to be girly
taking hormones still a good idea even when you know you're not going to pass well?
>>5856617
I think i'm finally getting over by being able to merge my agp with my male bi self as a wifeboy in a gay relationship.
>>5860566
Would you rather look kinda like a woman but not really, or not look like a woman at all?
Also keep in mind the side-effects, obviously.
>>5860481
Because Men aren't girly by definition. Then you're just a sissy faggot.
>>5860576
Neither, or the former i guess. But that would just turn you into a social pariah.
>>5862286
Well, then here's the next step.
Would you rather look kinda like a woman, but not really, and be a social pariah; or would you rather not look like a woman at all and have the same social standing you have now?
>>5862306
well that's the question now isn't it
>>5862314
It's all about weighing the pros and cons of either choice.
Which would you be happier doing? Do you even want to be happy?
Do you want to keep on good terms with your friends/family? Are you willing to risk losing them over this? How likely is that to even happen in the first place?
If you're really struggling with what you want to do, your best bet is probably to see a therapist about all this. Even one who doesn't specialize in gender issues can still be kinda helpful.
>tfw you're reading a novel and the author gets the thoughts and feelings behind agp 100% correct
>>5862937
what is it
>>5862335
>Do you even want to be happy?
Not the person you're talking to, but I've been thinking about this a lot. I'm almost starting the wonder if men aren't designed for lasting happiness. I almost feel like being happy and satisfied for more than a brief period is really symptomatic of making some critical mistake or outright being ignorant of an issue you need to address.
Women don't seem to have that problem. I look at my female friends - or even my FTM friends, who didn't get the upbringing I did as a male - and they all seem like they enjoy life instead of it being one persistent struggle of limited resources and hard decisions. It makes me jealous. Part of my AGP fantasies feel like they're less about sex and more about being able to just act without that burden on me.
>>5862960
Nevada by Imogen Binnie
http://haveyoureadnevada.com/nevada.pdf
pg # 150 or just ctrl+f autogynephilia
>>5862978
kind of hooked from 150 on, is it worth reading up to that point?
>>5863050
The first half is about a post transition trans lesbian dealing with her job, relationship, and issues in NYC
Up to you if that sounds appealing
>>5863086
ehh probably not. t b h the next time i see the word "patriarchy" i'm gonna close the tab
>>5860583
and this is a prejudice
>>5862978
http://haveyoureadnevada.com/
what even is this site
whose agenda
>>5862978
>go to author's twitter
>black lives matter
>tfw somewhat conservative and want normal life with family and kids but get zero attention and socially isolated in guy mode
>tfw closet agp, take PM, and get tons of attention while in girl mode
I might as well just cave in to titty sprinkles at this point
>>5862306
already doing the second option
but that doesn't rid you of the agp feeling and thoughts
i wish there was something of a middle option if these are only the two options i have
or if i could just purge sexuality from my mind and then none of this would even matter
>>5863625
turns out not everyone is as stupid as the people you find on /pol/
thankfully
I have a question for fellow AGP riders, do you dance?
>>5862968
>Women don't seem to have that problem. I look at my female friends - or even my FTM friends, who didn't get the upbringing I did as a male - and they all seem like they enjoy life instead of it being one persistent struggle of limited resources and hard decisions.
I don't know what kind of women you've been hanging out with... afab here and I'm pretty much miserable all the time and think suicide's the only logical thing to do in life. except I'm also responsible and don't want to let my parents down. I wish my birth sex afforded me happiness
>>5863947
>unironically thinks blm isn't retarded
>>>/trash/
>>5862978
Holy shit that actually hit me right in the feels
That experience of being excited for ages for some new item to arrive only to face massive disappointment when you realize how awful it looks on you ;-;
>>5866029
i read that whole fucking thing in one shot. it creeped me the fuck out sometimes how well i got pinned sometimes...
>>5865262
Maybe it's just a grass is greener sort of thing, but it just seems like they're able to live in the moment much easier. They buy things on credit cards, drive 4 hours on a "day trip" to anime conventions, change their hair or clothing styles on a whim, etc., and I'm over here constantly worried about even the slightest change and the potential for consequences it can have. I don't ever go out or buy things on impulse or anything and I keep everything clean and orderly as much as I possibly can because I always feel like there's a potential for a spontaneous, thorough inspection of everything I own or do and if I fail it, that judgment will haunt me forever.
It's why, despite being AGP, I've never bought women's clothing or sex toys or anything - if anyone ever found out, I may as well just find a good ditch to die in, because nobody will ever take me seriously again, and all those years of building up an image of being smart and in control will go out the window. I don't even really like talking about AGP because I feel like it just marks me as a pervert or closet trans, especially since I've got multiple FTM friends who I'm pretty sure would drop me for getting sexual thrills from trans-related anything, especially to the idea of going the opposite direction they are. It's not like I had a choice either; I've had this fetish since I was like 6, before I even knew what fetishes were.
>>5862978
I read nearly everything from 150 on this morning because I couldn't sleep. What was the point of any of that? It's almost like the trans girl was there just to swing her "I'm good at being trans" dick around in front of the AGP guy, and tell him he's trans even though she's constantly saying "I don't get to tell people what their pronouns are". Then she takes him to Reno to get stoned and shoot heroin, and he goes "actually you're fucking stupid" and goes home having done exactly zero growth as a person. What? Did I miss something from due to sleep deprivation?
>>5866234
>Maybe it's just a grass is greener sort of thing, but it just seems like they're able to live in the moment much easier. They buy things on credit cards, drive 4 hours on a "day trip" to anime conventions, change their hair or clothing styles on a whim, etc., and I'm over here constantly worried about even the slightest change and the potential for consequences it can have. I don't ever go out or buy things on impulse or anything and I keep everything clean and orderly as much as I possibly can because I always feel like there's a potential for a spontaneous, thorough inspection of everything I own or do and if I fail it, that judgment will haunt me forever.
this isn't because of your or their gender. this I know.
>It's why, despite being AGP, I've never bought women's clothing or sex toys or anything - if anyone ever found out, I may as well just find a good ditch to die in, because nobody will ever take me seriously again, and all those years of building up an image of being smart and in control will go out the window. I don't even really like talking about AGP because I feel like it just marks me as a pervert or closet trans, especially since I've got multiple FTM friends who I'm pretty sure would drop me for getting sexual thrills from trans-related anything, especially to the idea of going the opposite direction they are. It's not like I had a choice either; I've had this fetish since I was like 6, before I even knew what fetishes were.
I can see how this would trouble you. I can't see telling anyone in real life about it, but if they would get pissed at you like that maybe they aren't very good friends to begin with. i mean, nobody fucking asked to be AGP
>150 on
yeah it definitely feels only half finished tbqh. there really wasn't any growth at all
>>5866234
yeah its not really conventionally structured
the trans girl is a punk hipster type who has a lot of neuroses but is avoiding growing up and being a mature adult. the first half builds her character as kind of a self involved person
i wanted to share it because the james character is basically how i felt not that long ago and it was almost shocking to see a reflection of myself in literature
she wants to reach out to the agp but probably fucks him up more. the book ends with her ignoring him to gamble while he goes back to his life and girlfriend and probably is freaked out enough that sets him back a few years. he's thinking about if his gf will blow him (while he fantasizes, which is the only way he can get off)
two damaged people retreating into themselves
not a satisfying ending at all but probably realistic
>>5866252
I'd ask what my problem is then, but I'm finding myself at a rare loss for words to properly explain my beliefs. I think it's mostly just a case of feeling that, as a man, I'm pressured to always be "hungry" in a way women don't seem to be raised to. I can see why my parents raised me this way, but I can't ever relax because there's a nagging voice in my head telling me to use that time to get my shit together more. I don't even feel like I can relax because the things I like aren't popular and I need to be getting into popular things to connect with people.
As for my friends, I've wanted to bring it up from time to time because I feel like they're the most likely ones to "get it," but at the same time I'd be pushing unwanted info on them, and it just opens me up to potential reprisals down the road if I ever say anything they don't like (which is extremely probable since I don't align with them politically). Worse yet, I don't want them to start pushing me to "come out" even if I decide I'm not trans like they are. One of them already gives me shit for deviating from typical masculine habits.
>>5866277
I get the "realism" part, but I found myself rather amused/frustrated about how there's a whole spiel about how trans women aren't all fucked up weirdos, then that same character pretty much goes "yeah I stole a car and have a bunch of heroin in it right now LET'S GO TO RENO" a few chapters later. It's like the author wrote the book to show how trans people are often just figuring themselves out but perfectly normal, then wrote the actual trans character as a total neurotic fuckup in keeping with the stereotypes she decries.
>>5867131
yeah
wish the novel had another act where they went on a road trip together and discovered things and grew up
unfortunately no
>>5866234
Asky any modern psych with a degree, AGP is bullshit your trans. time to wake up. :)
>>5867347
my trans what?
>>5867407
Anon is trying to say:
you're a tranny harry
>>5867347
you got it gurrl ;^) AGP is a meme don't exist, cis grils have AGP :DD
>>5864580
no. not into it at all
do you?
agp is kinda painful anons
Truths:
>AGP is a meme, you're all just trannies
>If AGP wasn't a meme, you'd all just be crosdressers
>AGP goes away after you masturbate and only comes up when you're horny if it's not a meme
>If you decided to take hormones over a fetish you're a fuckin tranny
>>5873787
I might be a tranny, but not a real woman and don't have a female brain or whatever you call it.
>>5800561
>Last thread
You archive previous threads by taking a massive screenshot of text?
You fucking inhuman monsters.
>>5867131
>>5866234
>>Maybe it's just a grass is greener sort of thing, but it just seems like they're able to live in the moment much easier. They buy things on credit cards, drive 4 hours on a "day trip" to anime conventions, change their hair or clothing styles on a whim, etc., and I'm over here constantly worried about even the slightest change and the potential for consequences it can have. I don't ever go out or buy things on impulse or anything and I keep everything clean and orderly as much as I possibly can because I always feel like there's a potential for a spontaneous, thorough inspection of everything I own or do and if I fail it, that judgment will haunt me forever.
A lot of women feel this way, it's more of a personality thing really.
>>I read nearly everything from 150 on this morning because I couldn't sleep. What was the point of any of that? It's almost like the trans girl was there just to swing her "I'm good at being trans" dick around in front of the AGP guy, and tell him he's trans even though she's constantly saying "I don't get to tell people what their pronouns are". Then she takes him to Reno to get stoned and shoot heroin, and he goes "actually you're fucking stupid" and goes home having done exactly zero growth as a person. What? Did I miss something from due to sleep deprivation?
I think it was just supposed to be realistic and depressing and the whole not solving any problems thing was intentional, it was still poorly written tho, the AGP part was good, everything after she wakes up in his apartment not really
I like how they conveyed the disappointment of meeting another trans person though
>>5873929
it never made it to an archive site for some reason
>>5873920
this
i feel exactly the same
>>5866029
The bit about being paranoid the clothing was gonna come in a marked package got me dead on.
>>5874924
BLM is a hate group no matter how you slice it.
>>5875038
BLM is an idea, not a group
Anyone can use it, it's like Occupy Wall Street, GamerGate, or Anonymous
So let's say I'm AGP and I want to start HRT.
If I were to transition and start hormones would that make me happy?
Or would it just end with me realizing I've made a horrible mistake years later?
>>5875212
Most of the effects of HRT are reversible, but let's say for a minute you have a pill that would make you female permanently and overnight. Could you foresee any regrets taking that pill?
>>5875212
i don't think there is an easy answer - agp isn't that well studied.
i can tell you my situation if that helps at all. hearing about others has helped me in the past.
i've been on hormones since last october, and i have another several months' worth arriving in a couple days. i don't find things much clearer really, although some times, ever more common, i've convinced myself i'm a full blown tranny. i really don't know.
perhaps a therapist would help you? that's what i'm trying
>>5875278
>let's say for a minute you have a pill that would make you female permanently and overnight. Could you foresee any regrets taking that pill?
I don't really know. I don't particularly like being male, but I don't dislike it either. I'd rather be female, I think, and right now I'm really can't think of anything I'd miss about being a guy.
>>5875288
Are you happier now that you're on hormones?
>i don't find things much clearer really, although some times, ever more common, i've convinced myself i'm a full blown tranny
What, in your case, is the difference between seeing yourself as AGP vs actually trans?
>perhaps a therapist would help you?
I've been seeing a therapist about my gender issues for 4-5 months now. She's never given me like a formal diagnosis regarding whether I'm trans or not, but I think that's mostly because she wants me to come to that conclusion on my own.
The main reason I was asking the question is because I'm gonna ask her tomorrow about starting HRT, and I'm having doubts as to whether or not I actually want it. So far, every time I've taken steps towards transitioning or at least presenting more feminine (painting my nails, asking my therapist to call me by my girl name, dressing more andro/fem, etc.) it's made me happier, so I don't know why HRT would be different, but I'm still kinda worried about making a mistake.
>>5875599
>Are you happier now that you're on hormones?
It is difficult to say. I have other problems that have affected me before and after, so it's kind of difficult to try to isolate what effect they have had. I'll try I guess. I can say that I'm not unhappy with taking them, beyond any fears that might be "will someone find out," etc which aren't really inherent to taking them. I'm still AGP. I still masturbate, and it actually gets better because my dick is weaker and I have some smallish boobs, and I think I've started to understand what sensation "being horny" actually is. I'm just saying shit I guess. I should say that I do feel worse at times, because as I was saying I fear I may be becoming a full tranny. I realize most of my objections to transition are not inherent and are mainly logistical. I think I understand dysphoria and I might actually have it. Take for example just now I saw a picture of a bunch of random girls and had to take some shots because I wanted/wanted to be them bad. So I'm drunk now, and high, like I get a lot. But who knows, maybe that is just exacerbating my preexisting depression. Now I'm rambling, I hope you can make sense of some of that.
>What, in your case, is the difference between seeing yourself as AGP vs actually trans?
I am now coming to see things on a sort of continuum, like
crossdresser ----------- AGP --------------- trans
where AGP overlaps a lot of this line
some are both, some are neither, some are just one. it's a matter of intensity
>>5875599
>I've been seeing a therapist about my gender issues for 4-5 months now. She's never given me like a formal diagnosis regarding whether I'm trans or not
my impression is that they probably won't. they aren't going to want to "push" you into being trans. honestly i say fuck it. how long have you been agp? how long have you had things that may have been precursors to agp? has it gotten more intense? frankly since you have already done far more than i even have in regard to presenting more feminine, i would ask her. you will see her opinion about your situation at that time, most likely. hrt is slow. you will see several checkpoints on the way. will you suddenly be clear about things? will you decide "oh yes, wow hormones make me so happy!!"? probably not. but you can always stop them if you want. even if hypothetically you took them for years and decided oh shit this is horrible, the worst thing that happens is you get gyno surgery and no sperm. i don't want to tell you to do anything, but i don't see it being a bad thing to bring it up to your therapist.
>>5876393
>how long have you been agp?
I guess since puberty (12-13, at the latest). I'm currently 19, by the way.
>how long have you had things that may have been precursors to agp?
One of my earliest memories is dressing up and prancing about in a dress. Early as in I was probably about 5 years old. 6 at most.
Pretty much throughout my entire childhood I remember cross-dressing whenever I could get the opportunity. Sometimes it was arousing, most of the time though I think I did just because it felt nice.
>has it gotten more intense?
I guess? I can't really remember how intense it was when I was much younger, and right now it doesn't feel too intense. Granted, I've been going to therapy and presenting more femininely, so that probably has something to do with it.
I do remember being pretty depressed in the past, starting around 15-16. Not sure if/how that's connected to the whole AGP thing, though.
>>5876390
>I think I understand dysphoria and I might actually have it. Take for example just now I saw a picture of a bunch of random girls and had to take some shots because I wanted/wanted to be them bad.
I know that feel. It used to be so bad for me that I could barely handle just going to school and seeing groups of girls chatting and being happy and whatever. I remember back in high school bio, there were often these group projects we had to do. All the girls would group up over on one side of the class, all the guys on the other. Pretty much every time, I'd wish I could go over with the girls. I just felt more comfortable with them than around guys.
Looking over what I've written, do y'all think that maybe I'm actually trans and not AGP? Are they even mutually exclusive, could I be both? I mean, it's still fucking arousing to imagine myself as a gal, but I guess I've also experienced dysphoria or whatever. I still don't really know what dysphoria actually is or is supposed to feel like. I don't know.
>>5876704
I'm pretty sure AGP has a high co-morbidity with being trans, hell it might even be an expression of gender dysphoria in and of itself.
Even Blanchard recommended full transition for AGPs who want the dick so yeah.
>>5875278
I never really liked this question. It seems kinda unfair. If there was a pill that could make me a woman instantly and permanently, yeah, I'd absolutely take it just for the sake of unfucking my sex life. The rest of my life probably wouldn't change much; hell, it would probably get better aside from the occasional bout with sexism, which you're way more allowed to push back against as a woman than you are when people are sexist to you as a man.
But that's not really what's being offered. What is being offered is an expensive roll of the dice that's confusing to everyone around you, and spits you out on the other side somewhere between "man in a dress" and "born female" depending on your genetics, with the odds increasingly against you past like 21 (I'm 26). At this point, it's less "would you take this offer" and more "is the risk/reward worth it," and to me it absolutely isn't. I'd rather just tough it out and fantasize about the life I couldn't have because there's no rerolls in life and it's not worth betting it all when you need a bunch of hard sixes for an acceptable outcome.
I don't know if this makes me trans in denial or what, but that's how I've always looked at that question and why I think I'm just AGP. I think in order for me to define myself as trans, the odds would have to not matter to me.
>>5877446
The question really isn't meant to give you the answer of "should I transition?"
Now, it may or may not be exactly this, but it is more on the lines of "am I trans?"
it really comes down to how well you can deal with things. some people have mild cases, some more severe
>>5800561
Is it possible to have AGP as a cis male? The definitions I have found leave it open to males who aren't dysphoric and just have a fetish for the fantasy of being fucked in the vagina. I'm pretty comfortable being a man, even if girl clothes make me feel sexy and roleplaying as a woman/trap turns me on and I would give my left nut to be a pretty girl (on the pill-fuck periods) for a while. I think the AGP/homosexual tranny dichotomy is mostly bullshit because Blanchard is still conflating gender and sexuality. That doesn't mean AGP doesn't make sense as a sexuality phenomenon.
>>5877540
PS I don't think I would perform "woman" very well. I've never felt very feminine, even if I don't fit the masc archetype/stereotype. But I've always found feminine sexy, and the whole Ranma 1/2 genderbending thing gave me countless boners.
>>5877540
yes. it's what is in the op, nothing more
>>5877620
So trans and AGP aren't really joint conditions? One can have either, both, and neither?
>>5877646
correct.
>>5877540
>Is it possible to have AGP as a cis male?
Yeah, many guys do
does agp also make you feel detached from your male hobbies?
>>5879062
That's only because your heart isn't really in it, anon. It's telling you to be feminine.
>>5879082
But when i watch something masculine like samurai movies and identify with the characters, some of that spark with my old hobbies comes back.
Does this confirm forever that it's just a fetish?
>>5879120
hobbies are unrelated, trans or genetic girls can have male hobbies too
like historical sword fighting (yeah I knew a trans who was into that)
>>5880010
I was about to say, what the fuck are "male hobbies"? Implying girls who play football, go fishing, and fix cars are all closeted FtM cases and men who are into gossip, celebrities, and baking are all closeted FtM...
>>5880507
*Mtf oops
>>5876704
Yeah you can be both, or just one, or neither. I'm >>5876393 >>5876390
and frankly you seem to be more along the lines of trans than I am, so if I did think that I'm actually trans (which isn't necessarily the case) then I'd think it's likely you are as well. As far as not knowing about dysphoria, I feel kind of the same, but I think what you wrote could be construed as it.
If you look at yourself, your reflection, what do you think, if anything at all?
>>5880507
>>5880010
You're right, but I think "male hobbies" are really just those things that are most typically enjoyed by men instead of women. This could end up getting into tumblr shit real fast and I don't want to do that, but for example competitive physical sports would be more appealing to persons with high testosterone, who are most of the time male, so I would consider that a "male hobby." Of course, it's not that women can't be into them, it's just that most frequently they aren't. And I've felt this a lot too, for example had I been born a girl then it wouldn't be terribly odd to lean on the "male" side of personality and interests, but as a MtF then it just becomes significantly more odd, if you get that, particularly for people who aren't diehard TruTranses or the "fuck you, this is me, accept it or get over it faggots" type.
>>5857181
24. I didn't consciously do anything. It just happened.
Graduating college and getting a job probably helped.
>tfw you agp but think of trans people as lesser people
>>5881854
if only you had control over how you thought
>>5881932
are you implying that you do
>>5881957
No, someone else decides for me too.
>>5882146
uh huh, so if we're so in control of our own thoughts, why don't we just prevent the ones that cause AGP? i think you're on to something here m8
>>5882198
An ordinary person has some thoughts they have control over (like a dislike for a creed) and thoughts they cannot (like a mental state or disorder). You are a special case. You have no control whatsoever. Some would even ask why I am talking to a wall.
>>5881017
I'm not the one you were replying to, but the reflection thing really hits home.
I often forget my own name and appearance, and it often takes me a minute to recognize them. And when i do i hate it.
I've never thought hard on it, but since i've been having these feelings about potentially being trans, and not just a pervert, it's sort of started to make sense.
I've been really getting convinced since reading the book mentioned earlier in the thread and realizing that I basically am the character James in it; and that despite coming from a very supportive environment, i am quite internally repressed, as my argument for not being trans was always that I'd just know...
Ah this was bloggy af, sorry :(
>>5882527
I'm not about to argue over free will here
>>5883295
It's alright. I don't believe in it either.
Can anyone here who's more experienced than I explain how it felt when you made the emotional leap from just an agp fetishist to trans person, because it seems to be a common trajectory, and i think i may be in the midst of it now, but I also may be highly susceptible and this may all be manufactured by my own psyche...
So yeah, stories would be nice regardless if they reaffirm or contradict my mindset <3
>>5886932
This is definitely something I felt 100%
>I also may be highly susceptible and this may all be manufactured by my own psyche
I'm really not even sure that it isn't the case still. But the idea has been slowly growing, basically as I see things that I find are things normal guys don't feel. I mean I guess being only AGP is still not normal but still, things here and there build up. Probably the initial turning point when I really even allowed the thought to occur was when I was on mushrooms, which I'd recommend to take at least once if you're the thinking type, and kind of was able to look at myself from a more detached perspective. And the idea that I might actually just be trans has grown since then. I'm getting to the idea that after 5 months of AA or estrogen I'm not suddenly going to start hating the effects; it's not like I've reacted like trutrans people claim, but it's actually only made me want to be a girl even more. Kind of fucked up. I still don't know that it's real but it's not viable to see a therapist so I guess I'm just skating along and if I suddenly start hating myself I can get gyno surgery
>>5889467 here
just got done fucking myself and masturbating, feel pretty disgusted by me and thinking "what the fuck am I doing," so yeah might as well throw a lot of that away. probably just a seriously mentally ill fetishist
>>5889467
>>5890023
Oh, well I'm about to get on Anti androgens anyway (finasteride for hairloss, fml) so hopefully that'll slow down my sexdrive and give me some clarity and time to think...
But I'm sad to hear that, and I hope that goes away, but to be fair I think a lot of in-denial gays feel the same way afterwards, so it may just be your subconcious trying to suppress those feelings, because as the novel posted earlier in the thread said- when you're jacking off its the only time you can't lie to yourself...
>>5890048
finasteride won't do much for sex drive, but it may relax you knowing that your hair is protected. i was on fin for like 6 months before i got on an AA and it was definitely a relief.
i only have so much confidence in this whole subconscious thing. it just seems farfetched
Just prayed to be a girl tomorrow
I feel bad now
>>5890210
You feel bad out of guilt or because it will never happen?
>>5890239
Not him but the guilt is the worst, I've finally made a mtf friend who's trutrans af but I feel uncomfortable talking to her about any of this stuff because i feel like a fraud, and her saying that she just wishes she was cis almost killed me...
>>5890094
Well I'll also try and get a shrooms hookup and go on a spirit quest...
But the subconscious is a powerful thing; I, for onne, cant watch gay porn despite the fact that I really really like it, and know i like it...
>>5890731
just make sure you go in prepared.
what you say sounds more like conscious thoughts though
>>5890751
I really don't know dude, I'm really confused...
You're on mones right? You didn't feel any major change or improvement? Because I feel like if I did choose to transition taking hormones would be the point where I'd know for sure, one way or the other...
>>5890796
Yes, no major changes that I can attribute to the hormones. I've been on a fairly low dose I guess (25mg bica and 2mg est, except for a month I took 4mg). The issue I guess is that I've had some other factors that have affected me so it's difficult to tell what effect if any the hormones have had.
I also thought they would make everything clear, but they didn't.
>>5890831
Yeah I've got some shit too, I just wish I was normal and sane and either knew for sure or didn't have these thoughts at all...
>>5890885
Don't we all
so what happens if you take hrt but try to conceal it? Do you end up looking like one of those obnoxious effiminate gay guys?
>>5893528
Depends. You'll look a lot younger than you are. But you could range from looking like a girl who dresses as a dude to looking like a young guy. I don't think you develop gay face though. But that's not to say I haven't been getting more gay male attention.
>>5893551
>gay face
do women have that? They're naturally effiminate so they must have that.
>>5893551
Does Hrt do anything for your skin or should you combine it with some sort of regimen?
>>5894394
both
>>5894442
Well do you have any tips? I shaved but everything below my eyebrows has turned into a grey, spotty, stubly mess~
>>5894465
leddit skincareaddiction. i'm working through it now so I can't give you any advice
try plucking instead of shaving
>>5893528
>obnoxious effiminate gay guys
Only if you act like a caricature of a woman. Just don't.
>>5893773
Nah thats more like 'guy with low test' look, since you get fem fat/skin on your facial features - unless you naturally have qt face, then you'd pass for girl much easier. Could look a bit weird when you are not here not there, as you can often see with MtFs who are only few months on skittles.
>>5894488
Yeah I might pick up an epilator if I can figure out how to keep it on the dl, I think tweezers take to long; I'm a big hairy fucker :/
I guess there's no magic bullet for skin then, I'll do some research...
Hey yall
I hadnt heard of AGP before coming Here and now I wonder if I am headed in that direction or already there. I am a gay identified male whos been doing butt stuff since I was 16. I am 23 now. Getting fucked is pretty much the only way I can cum with another guy. Either that or jacking off Together and kissing.
I really dont want to live the rest of my life as a submissive bottom, let alone derive sexual pleasure from mine or anyone else's fecal excretion organs.
Fuck it feels so good though. Theres really not the physical pleasure of what I would imagine a vagina feels during penetration. That's why I am here asking if I could be getting sexual pleasure from the psychological experience of getting fucked and emasculated.
>>5894701
Sorry, but sounds like you're just a submissive bottom, agp tends to be linked to a broader desire to be female, rather than just being taken like one...
Do you get off from imagining yourself as a lady, or just from being bent over by a dominant dude, because that's probably your answer...
>>5894701
you're just a fag tbqh
>>5805961
>>5810166
>>5810673
>>5810789
I would if I was absolutely certain there was no chance of them making me infertile.
>>5896999
in the long run it will
bica is far less bad on your balls (see wiki)
put your sperm in a bank if you care that much
>>5874924
because i don't care if criminals commit a crime and then get shot
and it's annoying that people cry about other people getting shot while they're committing crimes
Ok, to bump while getting away from the political shit, does anyone else here experience agp from imagining themselves as a transwoman, post-op or otherwise?
For me this is even more intense than if i do so as a cis:
am I trantrender? some new variation of the agp meme? or simply an agp who likes realism?
Bumping because I don't want to be the one who killed the thread :/
>>5899900
idk, before I even knew what agp was, I'd end up jerking it to trap porn, and it's more arousing than naked women because things like "wow, that's a dude, i could actually look like that"
>>5899900
I would consider that AGP myself. It's not a new form either.
>>5894749
I dont think I understand what AGP really is, before visiting this page I never knew it existed as a term
>>5901954
not that other guy btw
>>5901954
It's a bit of a meme; heavily debated and more than likely not real, but its either:
A. a fetish for imaging oneself as a woman
B. The mastabatory manifestation of gender dysphoria
Most agree it's B, but most in-denial trannies will tell you its just a fetish...
I think you can guess which side im on ;)
>>5901975
A or B, it's real...
>>5901990
sorry, i explained that poorly, i meant not real in terms of psychological dyagnosis; what we refer to as agp is not it's real definition, which has all but been abandoned by the mental health community
>>5902008
what? agp is pretty simple and derived from its greek components
>>5902011
Yes, but the term was originally created for and put forward as that defunct theory, which I am trying to distance my argument from...
Sorry if im not making any sense, im in a lecture :(
>>5902036
no, it was used within blanchard's typology. using a word in your theory doesn't make the word equivalent to your theory
>>5902036
also
>browsing agp threads in lecture
jeeeeez lol
>>5902059
Eh, aristotles utilitarian view of life kinda falls apart when all you want out of life is to be a pretty girl :3
>>5902122
aren't you afraid somebody is going to find out?
tbqh the utility I would gain from being a pretty girl is so astronomically high that it's basically unfair for society not to allocate all its resources toward making that happen. sucks
>>5902445
Nah, there was noone directly next to me, and ive got a teeny tiny little laptop which i hunch over so they wouldn't be able to read it anyway...
And if anything i would be more concerned if they noticed i was on 4chan, don't want people thinking im a pol user...
But yeah, life is suffering :(
>>5902445
Society hasn't found a way to make that happen because pretty girls would lose their value if everyone could be one and they would cease to be special.
I get a strange sense that this is rooted in a narsasistic/self-reflected world. Where by appreciation of beauty is replaced with the desire to reflect that beauty. You want to become what you appreciate/ are attracted to... Or rather, you "are" what you appreciate so you need to incorporate it into your self awareness.
>>5903778
I think that's part of it, but it seems like we're mostly repressed trannies, and this is how the urge comes out...
>>5903778
i've had the same thoughts.
holy shit, some of you are really like me
so how do we get over ourselves?
