>be kiwi
>I'm in my study when I hear a loud knock on the door
>Look through the peep hole -- men with guns in unmarked uniforms
>"YOU HAVE 30 SECONDS TO OPEN UP BEFORE WE KICK DOWN THIS DOOR!"
>quickly scramble and hide all my tomato babies under the basement floorboards
>Get back to the door
>"Hello, lads."
>"Sir, we've received reports you may be harboring undersirables."
>"I'm not sure what that could be about."
>"Mind if we take a look inside?"
>"S-sure."
>They trash my house and finally get to the basement, pacing around, checking corners with a flashlight.
>Eventually they see my shit coverup job at the floorboards and drag my tomato plants out of the floor, take them to the wall, and summarily execute them with a pistol
>I'm placed under arrest and sentenced to 20 years in secret prison without trial for grand treason and harboring enemies of the state
>be in back streets of Auckland
>sneak into alley
>check over my shoulder
>proceed
>shady looking maoris in tracksuits surround me with guns
>"lits make thus quck"
>terrified.png
>I can barely get the words out
>"o-one home g-grown salad please"
>be kiwi
>have a secret garden
>gestapo finds and destroys it
>I'm marked with a yellow carrot badge I have to wear everywhere I go so people can instantly identify me as a gardener
>Eventually I'm shipped in a sheep train car to a secret camp where I am forced to dress as a sheep while guards beat and rape me
>Any day now they will be sending me to the slaughterhouse and make veal out of me
>month three in Waikeria Prison
>Maori gangs agreed to stop raping me if I got them some "produce"
>agree to grow cucumbers in my large intestine and trade them for protection
>trade biscuits from mum for potting soil and cucumber seeds
>few weeks later, guards get a tip from my tweaker cellmate
>they pin me to my cot and fish nine fully grown cucumbers from my anus
>get another five years added to my sentence
My brother had celery planted on him during a traffic stop, he's doing hard time now just because some crooked cops want to fulfill their quotas.
>>61022096
t. illegal farmer
I want irrelevancy back if it means this reddit meme will die
>>61022096
Stay mad
>>61022096
what is redit?
>be kiwi
Can you imagine?
Plants?
>>61022096
fucking carrot farming scum
>>61022225
this image speaks to me
>be in a shady bar in Wellington
>enjoying some tall cups of horse semen with my mates
>tossing cash at the sheep as it eats grass around a pole on stage
>man with thick tattoos and a hoodie enters the bar
>walks over to me and my mates
>unzips his hoodie, opens it up to reveal a bunch of plastic bags containing plants and other vegetables taped to the inside of his jacket
>"20 kiwi a pace" he grovels out
>we all start sweating profusely
>one of my mates downs the last of his horse jizz and reaches in his pocket for some cash
>suddenly the door bursts open and a pair of cops race in, tackling the hooded man to the ground
>they cuff him in a matter of seconds while telling the cunt he'll be put away for a long time
>the man is dragged out of the bar while my mate sits back down, sweating bullets
>he'll go crazy without his next hit of tomatoes
>be kiwi
>have a green thumb
>get arrested
>Be Kiwi in Christchurch
>making stacks through the illicit coriander trade
>got an au naturel organic grow operation in an abandoned Bunnings warehouse
>Better than that gutter coriander that the Maoris be pushing up north
>One of the crew gets caught hustling 1kg pure uncut coriander to Restaraunt uptown
>Rats on me for reduced sentence. Entire setup raided by police
>Now on trial for organic goods production and distribution
What do guys? I know a rival gang with a greek salad grow in Wellington, do you think I could go into Witness protection if I testify against them?
>>61021837
>>61022626
>>61022626
> Flightless Birdland will defend this
>>61022626
Imagine this, kiwis
>California is a technologically based economy
>Therefore, you are not allowed to build your own computer
>>61022096
>A FLIGHTLESS BIRD
howdy reddit
>>61022865
hey
>>61022942
Is it true you make threads just so you can screen cap them for internet validation?
Me and my high school botany teacher have bred a blue parsley with extra flavor in it and we're starting to distribute it. Hopefully we'll be able to make it in the black market.
Why are you all so mean :(
>mfw this thread has been already posted to jewbook.
>>61023033
Link?
>>61022626
>agricultural based economy
are they actually this third-world? how the fuck do they afford anything because this is legitimate third world conditions.
>no industry, no technology
wow lad what a shit-hole
>>61023033
>>61023018
honest question. we have at least a thriving healthcare/technology sector here, but your entire cunt sounds like one of our rural provinces people forget about.
>>61023152
Not a question
>>61023152
honest question. Canada is a shithole
>>61022499
>tossing cash at the sheep as it eats grass around a pole on stage
>>61023033
Ok, normie
>>61023263
We call that gin over here.
>>61023117
>Industry
If you didn't notice we're at the end of the Earth
>Technology
lmoa we have the population of a small city
>>61021038
>"lits make thus quck"
underrated post
>>61022830
yours is a kangaroo you stupid fuck
>>61024261
A kangaroo could knock you the fuck out
>>61020958
>Be American in NZ
>6 years here
>Be high school senior
>Home country constantly laughed at
>Every word that they don't pronounce the same as me they repeat in the fake 'MURICAN AYXEYNT
>Can't hold a single decent conversation
>People would come up to me and open the conversation with "Did you know that 30% of America's population is obese?"
>Forced to do a Haka in school in front of crowds
>Literally the most humiliating thing ever
>It's a fucking competition
>Cut into our lunches to make us practice it
>Same one every year
>Talking shit about America is fine
>One bad word about NZ and they go straight for my throat
>Drag bad thoughts out of me and call me an asshole when i finally share them
>Donald trump now has a chance of becoming the face of America
>If that happens It's fucking over for me
Get me off of this fucking island
>>61022096
calling NZ licensing agency to search your house for an illegal garden
>>61024261
And it still manages to do better than you
>having illegal grass
