"Hitler gassed 6 million Jews and one clown."
>"What clown?"
"See, nobody cares about the Jews."
>>60341015
>"Hey, how's life treating you? Do you have a job?"
>"No, I have been unemployed for 5 years"
>"An you aren't looking for anything?"
>"No way! And lose my experience?"
"Excuse me, ma'am, what have you got dripping over there?"
"Where? Where...?"
"That's what I thought"
The CIA decides to infiltrate a Soviet university, so they send their best agent. He comes back in a week, his cover blown.
-How'd they get you?
-Well, when everybody was getting drunk, I was studying.
So they send another agent. He comes back in a month and says:
-Well, everybody was drinking, and so was I. But everybody skipped the lectures, and I didn't.
The CIA send a third one. He comes back in half a year.
-Well, everybody drank, and so did I. Everybody skipped the lectures, and so did I. Everybody passed the semester, and I failed.
During the Soviet time, an Estonian goes to the polling place, prepared to vote. He is handed an envelope and told to put it in the ballot box. But instead of following instructions, the Estonian starts to open the envelope.
“What are you doing!” yells the Red Guard monitoring the elections.
“I just wanted to see who I was voting for,” replies the Estonian.
“You imbecile! Don’t you know this is a secret ballot?” says the Red Guard.
Stalin's sunbathing naked on a beach, lying face down. A dog comes by, sniffs him, and starts licking his balls. Stalin mutters without turning his head back:
-That's a bit over the top, comrade.
Czech, American and Russian fly by a plane and decide on playing a game. Each one of them pulls out a hand out of the
window and has to recognize his own country.
First goes American: "Now we are above America, I can feel cool and moist breeze of ocean in my palm."
Second goes Russian: "Now we above Russia, my hand is frozen."
Third goes Czech: "Now we are above Czech republic, someone stole my wristwatch."
blonde suspects her man is cheating on her with a brunette. decides to get a gun and sneak home early... and sure enough the man is in bed with a brunette. blonde loses it completely and points the gun at her own head threatening to kill herself.. the man says "pls no, pls don't do it".. the blonde replies "oh shut up already, you're next!"
>>60341015
indian bloke, arabic bloke, an and aussie bloke are sitting there talking away.
the arabic bloke smashes his schooner throws it up in the air and pulls out an ak47 and shots it to smitherins. bartender asks "mate why did you do that?", arabic bloke says cause in arabia we've got "so much sand we dont need to drink out of the same glass twice".
indian bloke thinks "yeah i'll have him", smashes his schooner then pulls out his little peashooter and smashes it too, glass goes everywhere, cause in india we've got so much sand we dont need to drink out of the same glass twice.
while this is happening the aussie bloke is just kicking back, with his schooey sipping it, smashes his schooey, puts it down on the bar, then pulls out his .22 and shots dead both the arabic bloke and the indian bloke. the bartender says "woah woah what did you do that for?", the australian replies "because mate, in australia we've got so many illegal immigrants we dont need to drink with the same cunt twice".
>>60341015
>>60344120
>>60344309
>>60344428
>>60344674
>>60344873
based ex bloc humour
"why do norweigans crawl in the store"
"to find the lowest prices"
>>60341015
What is this picture about?
>>60343957
I don't get it
>>60344120
>>60344674
>>60345269
kek
>>60345498
probably a pun in his language
>>60345751
Doubt it (since I got the joke)
>>60345884
I know it probably has to do with pussy but I still don't get it
"I once challenged the video program named 'Escape from gays to gain a million yen($10k)!'."
"That's surprising. And did you successfully run away?"
"I captured three."
"why do jews have such big noses"
"air is free"
might be universal
>>60341015
a competition was made to determine who is the biggest man from across the world
the first task is to wrestle with a bear and cut it's ears off
the second task is to fuck a black belt karate champion chick, who will actively fight you
so, an american enters
the bear eats him
then a russian enters after a fierce struggle he exits barley alive with the bears years but is too damaged to try it with the karate chick
then the bulgarian enters, after much horrid noises from the bear pan he exits unharmed and asks
alright that is done, now where is that karate chick I am supposed to cut the ears out off ?
How many times do Burmese people laugh when they hear a joke?
Three. Once when they hear the joke, once when it's explained, and once when they understand the joke.
What is the largest rice?
Paris
>>60346147
How much vodka do I have to consume to start getting finnish jokes?
>>60346128
lel
Where the sahara desert?
In Africa. On this it doesn't rain. :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
>>60346144
Is 'Burmese and humour' in Asia like 'Germans and humour' in Europe?
A lady goes to the doctor with epilepsy and the doctor says: "The party is upstairs"
what kind of food can be eaten on both Earth and moon?
Hot food
>>60346325
no, it means we're very dumb.
"Grandpa.. Are Germans humans?"
- "Probably not, before war they were über-humans, during war they were animals, after war they were saints."
or everlasting joke about germans:
German comes up to the benzin pump, and starts pumping it into his ass.
Czech comes up to him and says:
"Das ist nicht normal!"
-"Nein!! Das ist super!"
>>60346459
>"Das ist nicht normal!"
>-"Nein!! Das ist super!"
>>60346459
lol
France, UK and USSR gathered an international meeting to determine the nationality of Adam and Eve once and for all.
The representative of France speaks first:
- Adam and Eve obviously were French because only a french woman would sacrifice an eternal life in Heaven to her man.
The British representative answers:
- With all due respect to my colleagues, but is a subject of no concern that they were British. For that only a true british gentleman would exchange Heaven for his lady.
At least, the representative from USSR stands up and says:
- All that I heard tonight is an obvious western propaganda and is a complete lie. There is only one answer to the main question and it is that they were Soviet. And I have a foundation for my words of not only one but three facts.
-Three?!, - the whole delegation starts rumbling and whispering.
- You heard me. Three. Firstly, they had only one apple for two people. Secondly, they had no clothes. And finally the main thing. Despite having nothing to wear and nothing to eat they still thought they live in Heaven.
>>60344120
lel
>>60346810
kek
a man enters a café, and then splatch
>>60345498
>>60345751
>>60345884
>>60346012
The joke only works in Estonian so no, Russia, I doubt you got it
The king of Belgium is fed up that the Dutch make jokes about how dumb Belgians are. He goes to King Willem, of the Netherlands, and demands that the Dutch should do something stupid, so that the Belgians can laugh at the Dutch. Willem wants to maintain good relations so he says; "ok ,we will build a bridge in the Sahara". The king of Belgium approves and so it happens; the Dutch build a bridge in the desert.
They became the laughing stock of the world. The king of Belgium is pleased and says to king Willem:"Ha ha that was funny, you can remove the bridge.
King Willem responds: "We can't, there are Belgians on the bridge trying to fish."
>>60341015
>"See, nobody cares about the Jews."
You just ruined the joke m8. Fucking krauts have no sense of humour.
>>60344120
How would Zizek analyze this joke?
>>60347517
With fists up his ass
>>60344674
I've heard this joke about Puerto Rico, New York, Paris, and Italy
>>60347639
we might have stolen it.. :^)
>>60346120
Does Sweden even have any Jews left?
>>60341015
*laughs nervously*
g-good joke Germany
>>60346442
aww
Burmese girls are some of the cutest I've ever seen, though
What's a Turk in a police car?
Always guilty.
>>60347560
>butthurt Porky
>>60342526
Where is the point ?
A bloke goes to his neighbour and sees that he is playing tennis. He asks him "ayy, I thought you were shit at tenis"
"I know, I found this frog in the backyard who can grant you one wish. You can go as well, if you want, but it's a little deaf so don't be scared to shout"
The bloke goes to the forg and shouts "I WANT GOLD". Then he goes home and finds a bull (in romanian, aur=gold, taur=bull) so he goes back to his neighbor
"Damn man, that frog really is deaf. I asked for gold and I go home to find a bull."
"And you think that I wanted to have a good tennis game?"
(tennis and penis in romanian have a similar pronunciation )
>>60347692
kek
>>60344674
My dad told me this one, but with a Cuban a Spaniard and a Colombian
What don't you eat of a vegetal?
The bed
>>60347846
We have that joke as
>A turk and a romanian are sitting in a car. Who is the driver?
>The policeman.
>>60346459
Hahahahaha.
>>60348061
chi
>>60348103
kek
>>60348103
>>60347846
this joke exists everywhere we have it for lebs americans have it for black people, i've heard it always changing.
(note: praporshik is a Russian military rank around Sergeant Major)
A praporshik with a 30-year experience didn't know he suffers from Turret syndrome.
A praporshik is showing a brand new tank to the troops. He says:
-This is an extremely sophisticated vehicle. Private Ivanov, lift the tank!
Ivanov tries his best, but fails.
-Can't, huh? Private Petrov, go help Ivanov!
They try again, but the tank stands still, and one of them shouts:
-It won't bulge, comrade praporshik!
-Well, what the fuck did you want? It's 46 tons after all.
>>60346442
m8, I don't think that was the problem
>>60346147
>>60346396
Explain pls
>>60348505
a man wants to bake a cake for his son's birthday, asks his friend for advice
>well, i did one yesterday, want the recipe?
>sure
>so you need 1kg of sugar
>ok
>three eggs
>ok
>some chocolate
>ok
>flour
>ok
>salada
>ok...wait what ?
>That's how i did it yesterday
>ok fine, what else ?
>a bit of cacao powder
>ok
>a steak
>what the fuck man ?
>that's how i did it yesterday !
>*sigh* fine, what else ?
>vinegar
>...
>asparagus
>...
>brussels sprouts, blue cheese, old bread, vodka, aspirins, shampoo, the things at the back of your fridg...
>but it's going to be disguting!
>well it was disgusting yesterday
>>60342526
You just created this joke. Because it's not funny.
>>60346128
Bulgaria seems like it would specialize in rape and bestiality jokes
We have this game of changing stuff in compound words for the antonym
So for example you say
>Ger-many, Ger-fewy
>Nor-way, Yes-way
>Nether-lands, Upper-lands
>Sw-eden, Sw-hell
>Ye-men, Ye-women
Now that i look at it again i guess it's only fun in spanish.
a russian, an american, and a canadian walk into a bar
bartender says: i will give you drinks for free, but only if you answer what's 2+2
russian says: it's clearly 4
canadian says: it's clearly 4
american says: I dont know, I'm retarded brainwashed fucking faggot son of whore white male I wish mom aborted me so there was one less american white male in this world retarded whoreson
bartender pulls out a shotgun and shoots dumb american in face
>>60349185
Please stop posting, and breathing.
>>60349246
fuck off kike
>>60348714
Riisi = rice
Pariisi= Paris
Hot = Kuumaa (kuu=moon, maa=earth) so kuumaa means moon-earth
>>60347206
Can you explain joke plox.
>>60349274
I'd rather hang out with a Star than a Leaf. At least Stars have bantz.
A Sardinian becomes the oldest man on earth and national tv decides to interview him:
Ehi mr. Gavino today it's your birthday! How old are you now?
112 years old.
That's incredible! What's your secret?
Two glasses of wine every day.
Very nice Gavino! Can you tell us about the best day of your life?
One day one of my sheeps got lost in the forest and I found it with my friends, then we fucked it all together.
We can't say something like that on the national tv! Tell us about the second best day of your life then.
One day one of my cows got lost in the forest and I found it with my friends and then we fucked it all together.
Again mr gavino we can't say something like that on tv, what about the worst day of your life?
When I got lost in the forest.
Little Kalle went to the store to buy cucumber, liver and eggs. On the way home from the grocery store he was hit by a car. The driver came out and asked him: "Are you okay?" Little Kalle replied: "Yes, but my eggs broke, my cucumber was split and my liver flew to the fields."
>>60347978
This joke is told in English as well but with a different setting. Practically the same punchline and everything.
a traveler is hopelessly lost and very tired in the woods near tallinn
suddenly he sees a man riding a carriage his way
"hi there, can i hop on, i'm really tired and need to get to tallinn"
"fine, hop on"
"so... is tallinn far?"
"no it is not"
the man is relieved and decides to take a little nap
after some time he wakes up
"is tallinn far?"
"yes, now it is"
this joke doesn't make much sense at all, but everybody laughs at it
cute little hedgehog goes to the store
"hi, do you have sour cream?"
"yes of course, here you go"
the hedgehog then takes the sour cream and throws it against the wall as hard as it can
the clerk is visibly shaken
"why on earth did you do that for?"
"you know us hedgehogs, right? we're very mysterious!"
A man went to a store. Shovel.
>>60351354
Simple but funnt.
>>60351922
Funny*
- Knock Knock.
- Come in.
>>60351728
Are hedgehogs seen as mysterious, or is hedgehog maybe a local slang term that has a double meaning? Otherwise it's just not a joke.
>>60352002
knock knock
come in
shovel
>>60352097
hedgehogs indeed are mysterious, there's a whole lot we don't know about them
>>60352113
Laughed aloud, I love these type of jokes.
>WW2
>Autumn 39, Soviet troops occupy Tallinn
>Autumn 41, German troops occupy Tallinn
>Autumn 44, Soviet troops occupy Tallinn
>Autumn 45, Estonian secret service reports movements on the border
>>60347317
Kek
>>60352361
hello russia
>>60352253
This is like your local version of "going on a snipe hunt," right? There's no mystery surrounding hedgehogs.
>>60348505
I don't get it.
>>60352361
Nice
>>60352636
you might find this interesting
>rus . postimees . ee/3226795/gorjachie-jestonskie-parni-ili-pochemu-rossijane-shutili-nad-urmasami
>>60344674
we have the same joke here
>tuga french and english are on a plane
>we´re in france says the french
>how do you know?
>i see the eiffel tower
>we're in england the english says
>how do you know?
>i see big ben
>we're in portugal the tuga says
>how do you know
>my wallet got nicked
there are shitloads of jokes that this premise of the tuga the french and the english
it's either the tuga who wins or the one who come put on top
>>60349185
cant lie this made me kek
From ex-DDR
>An American, a Russian and a Eastern German are discussing where the biggest forests are
>American: our forests are so huge, you go in at morning and won't reach the other side until night
>Russian: our forests are so huge, you go in at morning and won't reach the other side until next week
>German: pathetic, our forests are so huge, the Russians went in in 1945 and are still not out
>An American, a Russian and a Eastern German fly with a plane and discuss their countries
>American: Each American earns 1000$, he needs 700$ to live. The white points down there are our holiday homes
>Russian: Each Russian earns 1000rubel, he needs 300 rubel to live. The white points down there are our holiday homes
>German : Each German earns 1000Mark, he needs 1000Mark to live. The white points down there are our holiday homes
>Russian: With what money are you building those?
>German: I'd like to know that too
>A drunkard tells a joke to a stranger in a bar
>Do you know the difference between a beer and Honecker? Beer is fluid and Honeker is superfluous
>The stranger answers
>Do you know the difference between a beer and you? The beer stays here, but come with me
>Honecker and Mielke are discussing their hobbies
>Honecker: I collect jokes told about me
>Mielke: I have a similar hobby, I collect the people who make them
>Stasi interrogates a Christian
>Is it true you went to church?
>yes
>Is it true you kissed Jesus feet there?
>yes
>Would you also kiss the feet of comrade Honecker?
>Sure, if he would hang there
>Honecker and Mao discuss class traitors
>Honecker: How many internal enemies do you have in your country?
>Mao: Maybe 20 million
>Honecker: Yeah, same here
An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman are in France just after the start of Operation Overlord, they have been cut off from their unit and seek refuge in a barn. Later that night they hear a German patrol coming round, so they need to hide.
In the barn there are three large sacks, so they all agree to try hiding in them. No sooner are they all in their sacks when the Wehrmacht burst in the door, they see the three sacks and view them suspiciously.
They approach the sack with the Englishman inside and kick it, quick-witted the Englishman says "woof" in his best dog impression, and the Germans shrug and walk to the next one.
Reaching the sack with the Scotsman inside they kick that one, and following the Englishman's example the Scotsman says "meow" in his best cat voice and the Germans leave it be.
Then they approach the sack with the Irishman inside, as with the others they kick it and the Irishman says "potatoes".
>>60352791
You find a lot of jokes about Estonians only because you look for them, we really don't have many, the only one I've ever heard is >>60351354 this one.
Examples of jokes in the link are just "insert any nationality/character/real person" that just happened to have "Estonian" in them this time
>>60345149
We've a similar one over here:
An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Indian are on a cruise ship back from holiday, when an iceberg knocks into the ship. The captain manages to stop the ship from capsizing but it's slowly starting to sink and so the crew ask the passengers to reduce the ship's weight by getting rid of unnecessary luggage. The Indian man goes and throws all his clothes overboard saying "It's fine, we've got enough of them back home". Then the Frenchman goes and throws all his food and drinks overboard saying "Its fine, we've got enough of these back home". Then the Englishman goes and pushes the Indian overboard. The Frenchman is astounded and asks "why did you do that?". The Englishman laughs and says "dont worry its fine. We've got enough of them at home".
>>60353173
Two people are in a DDR prison and tell each other why they are there: The first: "I'm here for two weeks because I insulted Erich Honecker." The second: "I got 10 years for watching Erich Honecker through a telescope during a parade." First: "Why is this forbidden?" Second: "I forgot to remove the rifle that was attached to the telescope."
two drunks are walking around
one of them stops and asks
>hey is that the sun or the moon?
>i dont know i dont live here
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
the wolf makes a new law in the forest that everyone has to bring him meat and who doesn't will be hammered into the ground with his dick
on the first day the rabbit already fucks up bringing a cabbage
the wolf does as he promised, beats the rabbit right into the ground with his dick
the rabbit however can not stop laughing
"the fuck is so funny?"
"look, the hedgehog brought you an apple!"
I have one my brother told me a long time ago:
An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Paki were all flying in a plane. They each decided to drop an item from the plane for good luck. The Englishman dropped A silver penny, the Scotsman a gold penny and the Paki a grenade.
Later on while they were touring the area, they came across a boy crying. "What's wrong?" They asked. The boy replied "My dad yawned and choked on a penny."
They moved on and came across another young boy crying. What's wrong?" They asked. The boy replied "A penny hit my dad on the head and he died."
Again they moved on and came across another young boy crying "What's wrong?" They asked. The boy replied "My dad farted and the house blew up.
What do you say when you see a TV floating at night?
Drop it, nigger!
>>60353731
A man wants to deposit some money in a swiss bank. The cashier asks how much and the man looks around nervously and whispers "10 million".
The cashier smiles and responds: "No not to be so secretive, there is no shame in poverty"
A german and a swiss meet each other, the german starts to make a joke about Switzerland.
The swiss interrupts him "You do realize I'm Swiss?" - "Oh sorry, shall I restart and talk slower this time?"
>>60349185
The funniest thing is that this really is a typical canadian post.
A man walks into a bar.
"Ow"
>british "humor"
>german "humor"
a man is driving along the road and suddenly there's a heavy thump
he stops the car and goes out to check
there's a moose on the road covered in blood
panicking he calls the police asking for advice
"take the gun and end its suffering"
after a moment the man calls back
"hey, it's offering me 500 euros... wut do?"
(the joge here is that moose is ethnic "slur" for finns)
>>60341015
- Dlaczego Ania nie płakała jak spadła z rowerka?
- Bo przebiła kierownicąpłucko.
- Why did little Anne not cry when she fell of a bike?
- Cause the handlebar pierced her lung.
>>60353929
You're embarrassing the country with your weak trash jokes.
- Dzieci, lubicie babcię?
- Tak, mamo!
- To dobrze, zostawiłam wam kawałek w lodówce.
- Kids, do you like grandma?
- Yes mommy!
- Good. I left a bit in the fridge.
The king tells a Brit, a Russian and a Lithuanian to take any car and drive through a huge pile of shit. If the car gets stuck in the pile, they get beheaded.
The Brit takes an Aston Martin and attempts to speed through the pile. Fails.
The Russian takes a jeep and tries to drive through. Fails.
The Lithuanian takes a Lada (the old soviet kind) and drives through with ease.
The others are amazed and ask him before being beheaded - "how did you do it?"
- "Shit doesn't stick to shit"
The good ones I remember were already mentioned here with different variations.
>>60341015
A Canadian guy, an American guy, a Japanese guy, and a Middle Eastern guy walk into a bar. They all have a couple of beers, and get to bragging. The American guy boasts, "I'm so lucky, I have 4 beautiful children, one more and I would have a basketball team." Not to be outdone, the Canadian guy retorts, "I am luckier than you, I have 5 gifted children, one more and I could form a hockey team." So, the Japanese guy chimes in with, "Well, I surely have both of you topped. I have 8 children. Just one more and I would have a baseball team." Pausing, briefly, the Middle Eastern guy replies, "Well, I am betting I have all you fools beat. my harem houses 17 wives, one more and I would have a golf course!".
estonian walks down a latvian village road and comes to a field where a group of latvians are fucking cows
"huh, that's odd, i wonder why they do it..."
next day coming back the same road the cows are still there, but the latvians have disappeared
he thinks to himself
"maybe it is actually good?"
goes to the field and starts fucking a cow
suddenly all the latvians come out of hiding laughing their asses off
"what the fuck are you laughing at? i saw you do the same thing yesterday!"
a latvian replies through tears of laughter
"true, but you pickest the ugliest cow"
what is the common point between a pizza and a jews ?
>I don't now ?
5 minutes in the oven
15°C – Highest temperature in Upper Carniola. In Spain, people wear jackets and gloves. Upper Carniolans sunbathe and swim in Bohinj Lake (10°C)
10°C – Frenchmen getting ovens and fireplaces ready, Upper Carniolans doing gardening.
5°C – Italian cars stop working, Upper Carniolans start driving on bikes and mopeds.
0°C – Distilled water freezes over, water in Bohinj Lake gets a bit denser.
-5°C – People start freezing to death in California, Upper Carniolans have the last picnic before winter.
-10°C – Scots start their ovens, Upper Carniolans start wearing clothes with long sleeves.
-20°C – Australians flee from Mallorca, Upper Carniolans start celebrating in the outdoors.
-30°C – People start dying of hypothermia in Greece, Upper Carniolans start drying clothes indoors.
-40°C – Paris is a ghost town due to cold, Upper Carniolans start playing outdoor hockey.
-50°C – Polar bears evacuate the North Pole, winter army training in Upper Carniola delayed due to high temperatures.
-70°C – Santa moves south, soldiers in Upper Carniola go out for survival practice.
-183°C – Microbes in food die, Upper Carniolan cows complain that farmers have cold hand.
-273°C – Atoms stop moving, Upper Carniolans feel a bit chilly.
-300°C – Hell freezes over, Upper Carniolan lends his neighbour money.
>>60354913
What's the maximum acceleration of a Lada?
9,81m/s^2
>>60355581
>>60355581
eh
what's the difference between 1 rouble and 1 dollar ?
>1 dollar
>>60355581
i think you're gonna have to explain this one to physics plebs
>>60341015
"Have you ever seen the clown that hides from gay people at WalMart?"
"No"
>American elementary school humor
>>60346120
We have that in burger land too
>>60355795
maximum acceleration due to gravity
ie ladas are only fast when theyre falling
What do you call a Jew whose Shekel rolled into a church?
An Armenian
How do you save an arab from drowning?
You put your boot of him
An American visits Germany, gets thirsty and decides to drink from a river as a German comes along - "Bist du verrückt? Da hinten ist ein Giftmülllager!" - "Excuse me, can you repeat that?" - "It's faster if you use both hands!"
>>60346442
What's up with the flag? Why isn't it the new one? For a second there I thought you were Taiwan.
bear and rabbit are taking a shit
bear finishes and starts small talk
"hey you ever have that problem with shit sticking to your fur?"
"i am very fortunate to not have that problem at all" says rabbit proudly
"good!" says bear and uses rabbit to wipe its ass
>>60350288
>>60349185
The only thing ITT that actually made me laugh
>>60354199
A man enters a café
Splash
A Dutchman enters a gun store in Belgium. He asks the Belgian if he's got any rifles. The Belgian answers "no", even though there is a bunch of rifles to his left. The Dutchman asks the Belgian if he's got any grenades. Again, the Belgian replies "no", even though there are loads of grenades to his right. Annoyed, the Dutchman asks "Have you got anything against Dutchmen, or what?" "Yes", the Belgian replies, "These rifles to my left and these grenades to my right."
>What separates humans from animals ?
>The mediterranean sea
>What the difference between a dog crushed on the road and an arab crushed on the road ?
>There are break marks in front of the dog
>What's more beautiful than a baby in its craddle ?
>An arab in its coffin.
>A french, an arab and an american are in a plane
>One of the engine burst in flames, pilot asks passengers to throw something out of the window to make the plane lighter
>The american throws a bag of money and says "there is too much of it in my country"
>The arab throws a woman and says "there is too much of it in my country"
>The french throws the arab and says "there is too much of it in my country"
>>60354248
>>60357388
põder :DDD
>>60354635
lol nigger detected?
what is green, but red after you push the button?
a frog in food processor
>>60355281
wew lad
>A patrol stops an abnormaly noisy car.
>"I think you got hole in your pipe, buddy"
>"Of course! Otherwise it would be a bar:DDDDDDDDDDDDD"
Dark humour is like a child from Kosovo. It doesn't get old
>>60353408
The same, with blacks or algerians
bush is visiting estonia and starts inquiring the president what is the secret to his success
the president says it's a strong team around him
bush does not understand
ilves says "here, let me give you an example!"
he then calls andrus ansip (the prime minister)
"hello andrus?"
"yes!"
"quick! riddle me this: your mum and dad have a child, but it is not your sister nor your brother.. who is it?"
"it must be me then" answers ansip without hesitation
"correct, it is you!" the president replies with pride
"you see now mister bush? smart!"
"mhmh" ansers bush
next day bush meets the mayor of tallinn, edgar savisaar and is interested if he also is a smart man
"hey edgar, riddle me this..."
edgar however takes a long pause before answering
"idk, i have to call my teammates and ask for advice"
"well go on then! i'm waiting"
edgar decides to call villu reiljan (another corrupt piece of shit) and hit him with the question
villu, after a long time answers hesitantly
"is it... me?"
edgar is content with the answer and goes straight to bush stating victoriously that the answer is 'villu reiljan'
bush breaks into laughter
"lol you're all stupid as shit, the answer is andrus ansip!"
Do you know the story of the stupid guy who says "no" ?
>>60359514
you mean the one where he's drowning and asks god for help?
>>60359639
I'm afraid we're not talking about the same joke
:^)
If you see a black and a white guy drowning, who do you save?
The black guy. The white one could be a Croat.
>>60359514
Yes, but tell it anyway for the others in this thread. I am bad at telling jokes so I can't do it.
The king calls a Lithuanian, a Russian and a German and orders each of them to bring a weapon.
The Lithuanian gets a teeny tiny pistol.
The Russian brings a Kalashnikov
The German still hasn't showed up.
The king says:
-Alright, now show these up you asses.
After some hard effort the Lithuanian manages to shove the pistol up his ass.
The Russian's turn, he starts crying and laughing at the same time, so the Lithuanian asks:
-Why are you crying?
-Because it hurts.
-And why are you laughing?
-The German is coming with a tank.
>>60359859
This feels so different on /int/ where people actually care about someone being black
>How do you say "5000 euros" in Hebrew ?
You say "Give me"
>Why did Hitler kill himself ?
He received the gas bill
>How do you recognize a black jew ?
He's sitting in the back of the gas chamber
>Why do Jews have big noses ?
Because air is free
>How do you make 25 jews travel in a car ?
2 in front, 2 in back, the rest in the ashtray
or i have actual jewish jokes but it's more witty than funny
>3 jewish women are discussing
the first one says
>"My son is so rich, he could buy Paris"
the second one says
>"My son is so rich, he could buy New York"
The third one says
>" What makes you think my son wants to sell ?"
A cop stops a bloke and says:
-Your documents, please.
-Aw, fuck the documents. I'm gonna tell you a cop joke instead!
-Sir, you do realise I'm a policeman, right?
-Don't worry, I can tell it for a second time.
>>60356052
>An American visits Germany, gets thirsty and decides to drink from a river as a German comes along - "Bist du verrückt? Da hinten ist ein Giftmülllager!" - "Excuse me, can you repeat that?" - "It's faster if you use both hands!"
We have this one, expect with a Brit and the Irish language.
>>60344428
>>60359972
We have that one too. It's about plants though and the German is coming with a cactus.
What is an arab drowned in the sea ?
Pollution
What is all of the arabs drowned in the sea ?
The solution
>>60359859
You're driving your car at night and suddenly, right in front of you, you see a gypsy on a bike. Why should you brake?
Because it could be your bike.
You're driving your car at night and suddenly, right in front of you, you see a black on a bike. Why should you brake?
Because it could be your nigger.
>>60360317
Same for us but the guy who's drinking is a gipsy. The world is not that big eh?
>>60346459
fucking kek
what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"where is tractor?"
What is the difference that you can seek between a dead dog and a dead Kurd corpses on Highway?
Tires tracks.
>>60355337
Wait, is the joke that you people chose to live in a place that sucks and you're bragging about it?
härri potter steps out of the ministry of magical affairs and sees three prostitutes on the street corner
"maybe you should go away.. after all, it is a children's book"
So this dude is told that a whore of the town can make blowjobs and sing at the same time.
At first he's like "wtf this can't be real", but then he decides to give her a try.
>i heard you make blowjobs and sing at the same time, it's that true
>yes, the only thing i ask is to do the thing with lights off
So she turns the light off and starts blowing him... and after a while she start to sing with the most beautiful voice in earth, She sound like and angel.
The guy really knows how she's doing it
so he reaches for the light and turn it on
And the first thing he can manage to see when the light is turned on
Is a glass eye
>>60361086
The stereotype is that Upper Carniolans are jews. There is even a saying that one Upper Carniolan is worth a hundred jews. I find the jokes funny tbqh, and I'm an Upper Carniolan.
Anyway, how do you know you've reached Upper Carniola?
Instead of laundry, people are hanging toilet paper outside.
Why does an Upper Carniolan invite evryone to the party at the same time?
So that the dog doesn't have to bark twice and the door hinges only get used once.
An Upper Carniolan was dying and he called everyone to his bed.
"My wife, are you here?" he asked and she said yes.
"Children, are you here?" he asked and they said yes.
"Brother, are you here?" he asked, and his brother said yes.
"Everyone is here," said the Upper Carniolan's wife.
"Then why is the light on in the living room?"
An Upper Carniolan and his girlfriend are walking down the street, past a restaurant. The girlfriend says "Oh, that smells nice!" The man tells her "if you're good we'll walk past here on the way back, too."
How did the Postojna cave come to be?
An Upper Carniolan lost a coin.
An Upper Carniolan, a Croat and a Serb rob a bank. They agree that the Upper Carniolan should count and divide the money.
"100 Euro for me, 100 Kuna for you, 100 dinar for you."
"100 Euro for me, 100 Kuna for you (the Croat), 100 dinar for you (the Serb)."
"100 Euro for me, 100 Kuna for you, 100 dinar for you."
On the way home, the Croat and the Serb walk to the bar. They both agree on how fair the Upper Carniolan was.
Two Upper Carniolans talk.
A:"Did you hear they made the bus ticket cheaper?"
B:"Yes, how horrible."
A:"Why is that?"
B:"I won't save as much walking."
I've got more if anyone wants them.
>>60361410
*The guy really want to know how she's doing it
please ignore the broken english i'm tired
>>60361410
my grandmother told me that joke :DD
>>60353096
lel we also have jokes about you
>Why do Portuguese men wear the moustache ?
To look like their mother
>What is the difference between a Portuguese woman and an otter ?
One has moustaches, a shiny coat of hair, and smells like fish
The other is an otter
>How do you put 300 Portuguese on a bike ?
Easy, you put Santos in the front, and Dos Santos in the back
(because it means one hundred, americans)
>Why are so many Portuguese called Manuel ?
What do you want to call them, Intellectuel ?
>How can a Portuguese woman lose 20 kilos ?
By shaving
too many you can't translate in English though, it's all puns about your accent
>>60346128
Top kek, m8.
>>60361625
>>Why are so many Portuguese called Manuel ?
>What do you want to call them, Intellectuel ?
Don't get this one.
>>60341015
>hunter buys rifle and goes to the woods to hunt
>he spots this giant hairy bear, shoots and misses
>bear walks up to him, shaking his head
>i give you two choices, you either suck my big beardick or i eat you
>hunter sucks beardick and goes home
>next day he buys a shotgun and goes back
>he sees the same bear, shoots, misses
>bear walks up to him while unzipping
>hunter chooses the beardick instead of the eating, goes back home
>next day he buys most expensive gun, goes back to the woods
>spots the bear, shoots, misses
>bear walks up to him suspicious, i dont think you came here to hunt
>>60362021
Manuel is spelled like manual, as in manual labor.
>>60362021
Idk if it translates to English
It's about manual labour as opposed to intellectual labour
And the stereotype is that the Portuguese are all caretakers, masons or janitor
>How can you recognize a rich Portuguese ?
He has a golden jackhammer
>What do Portuguese people do when they enter university ?
They clean the floor
>Why the Portuguese will never go to the moon ?
There's no floor to clean
>How do you determine the future work of a Portuguese baby ?
You throw him against the wall
If he stays he will be a mason
If he falls he will be a tiler
>>60362208
I haven't been to /int/ much but how do you get just a generic EU flag like that? Never seen it on /pol/ either.
>>60362533
You post from Brussels.
>>60350288
kek bravissimo, amico
How do you call a Portuguese man who is masturbating?
Manuel
How do you call a Portuguese man who is masturbating, standing up ?
Manuel Sanchez
(sans chaise, "without chair")
How do you call a Portuguese man who is masturbating, standing up, on the beach ?
Manuel Sanchez Da Costa
How do you call a Portuguese man who is masturbating, standing up, on the beach, in front of 2 hundred people ?
Manuel Sanchez Da Costa Dos Santos
>>60350683
>>60351863
what the FUCK am i reading
>>60362812
knock knock
nein!
*they all suffocate*
>>60363492
this is a joke, which is more than I could say for what the finns are posting.
"Do you know what happened to the little chick that was born without the asshole?"
"He farted and exploded!"
"Which is the animal that eats with its tail?"
"All of them, because they don't take their tail off to eat"
In the christmas party your uncle sees the desserts and says: "Is it to see or to eat?"
Classics
Okay, I have a few more.
An Upper Carniolan invited a few friends over. They sat behind the table in the dinning room and had fun. When they got hungry, the man told his wife to bring the bread. She brought some week-old bread and they ate. It was hard to digest so she brought some water, too. After a while ,they ran out. The wife asked her husband "Should I bring the chicken now?" But he said no. They talked and the husband told his wife to bring more bread. And they ate. After a while he tells her to bring the chicken. The visitors look at each other with a smile on their face. The woman comes back, puts the chicken on the table and the chicken eats the bread crumbs.
What is Upper Carniolan alcohol like?
A glass of water and a hit over the back with a plank.
When did Upper Carniolans learn to swim? When Maria Theresa legislated bridge tolls.
A kid in Moscow asks "Grandpa, whats a line?"
"You see,many years ago there was very little meat in stores so people waited outside to see if they could get some"
"Meat?"
>>60353173
Underrated as hell. Each one made me laugh my ass off.
Maybe it's just because I'm a history nerd.
>>60354343
Jesus Christ, are you okay Poland?
In the arctic ocean a submarine breaks through the ice, an american comes out, and declares:
"New world record, ten months under water".
Just then, the ice rips again and a giant submarine emerges. A russian gets out and says "New world record, two years under water and undetected by the americans!"
Finally a small rusty submarine comes out of the water, the captain sticks his head out and asks " Heil Hitler, is zere a gas station nearby?"
How do you fit a dozen Serbs into a phone booth? Tell them that it doesn't belong to them.
A kid has a Serbian dad and a Jewish mother. He comes to his dad one day and asks:
>Dad, am I a Jew or a Serb?
>Why the fuck does that matter?
>Because there's this other kid offering me a bike and I'm not sure whether to haggle or to steal it.
Serb, Croat and a Bosniak are competing in 20 km swimming. After 10 km the Serb says "I can't swim any longer" and drowns. After 15 km the Croat says "I can't swim any longer" and drowns too. 100 meters near the finish the Bosniak says "I can't swim any longer" and swims back the way he came from.
Foreign reporter asks a Croat in Zagreb what chauvinism is. He says:
>It's when you hate a Serb more than it's normal.
Foreign reporter ask Bosniaks in a village if there's nationalism amongst the populace. A Bosniak replied:
>Nah, we hate nationalism more than we hate Serbs.
What does a Gypsy do at the crossroads? He smells.
>>60365060
and then the plumber comes out and seeing no gas station says : kurwa!!!
>>60353408
fuck off
>be british in 2016
>get khan'd
>>60361625
>>How do you put 300 Portuguese on a bike ?
>Easy, you put Santos in the front, and Dos Santos in the back
>(because it means one hundred, americans)
I had to read this one out loud holy fuck
>>60353900
nothing of value was lost
>>60344428
Oh my fuck that one is great.
A swedish man was walking down the street with his duck in his hands.
A man noticed this and said "Hey, what are you doing with that monkey!"
The swede replied, "this ain't no monkey, this is a duck!"
Shortly after the man responded, "I wasn't talking to you idiot, I was talking to the duck!"
>>60346396
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
>>60352097
don't be a cunt m8
>>60353173
>>A drunkard tells a joke to a stranger in a bar
>>Do you know the difference between a beer and Honecker? Beer is fluid and Honeker is superfluous
>>The stranger answers
>>Do you know the difference between a beer and you? The beer stays here, but come with me
This one is the best.
>>60353342
Heard this one plenty before, but it's usually framed with a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead in my area.
>>60355775
Subtle, I like it.
>>60351728
Cute animals are the best for bad jokes
A little hare enters a hardware store
- Got any carrot?
- No. This is a hardware store.
The next day, the hare comes back
- Got any carrot?
- No. I've told you already, it's a hardware store.
The hare comes back again the next day.
- Got any carrot?
- Listen, you dumb hare. If you ever come here again and ask about your stupid carrot, I'll nail your damn ears to the counter
Next day, the hare comes back.
- Got any nails?
- No.
- Any carrot then?
>>60341015
Is this word cloud from /pol/?
>>60360840
>>60346810
Nice
>>60349185
So dumb it's hilarious
>>60345149
I've seen different variations of this joke involving various US states
>>60359972
KEKD
>>60361492
yes more pls
>>60346810
Good one comrade. That got a hearty kek out of me.
>>60347317
>>60369521
I've heard this exact same joke but with a duck asking for grapes at a bar
-Why in Argentina are so many cases of babies born in the seventh month? because not even their mothers can stand them for 9 months.
-An argentinian steps on a piece of shit and says: "OMG is so hot in here I´m melting!"
>>60348138
I'm Cuban ya shit
>>60352113
>>60353885
>>60354248
>>60356290
>>60359972
>>60351728
I thought Hungarians and Finns were weird people but I'll be damned if you Eestis don't have some strange jokes
>>60349185
Such a plot twist. KEK
Why didn't Jesus Christ get born in Sweden? They didn't find 3 wise men and a virgin
>>60341015
It is a blonde who gave birth to two beautiful babies, twins, however, she cries to no end!
The nurse said to him:
- But let madam! Why are you crying ? You are now a mother of two beautiful babies, healthy!
- I know, replied the blonde, but I do not know who the father of the second baby
there was a little dog called "goutside" and one day he run to the street and his owner said "GO INSIDE GOUTSIDE" and the little dog got confused and died.
>>60365132
>
Serb, Croat and a Bosniak are competing in 20 km swimming. After 10 km the Serb says "I can't swim any longer" and drowns. After 15 km the Croat says "I can't swim any longer" and drowns too. 100 meters near the finish the Bosniak says "I can't swim any longer" and swims back the way he came from.
>>60347517
*Schniff*
You shee here, that is precisely my point. The ideological nature of the CIA agent is rendered as an opportune failure and the soviet is regarded as a saviour of the big other.
*Scniff*
On the one hand the american cannot keep up, with the soviet drinking culture, whatever fuck you, and on the other hand the soviet is intellectually superior and scho on.
>>60363531
Tell us a joke jude
>>60352361
I dont' get it.
>>60373831
estonian secret service is shit
Kinda lame jokes.
>>60346459
A Maori a Japanese and a China enter a fight club
The host asks what their respective fighting styles are
The Japanese says Karate from Japan
The china says Kung fu from China
And the Maori says "baseball bat from the warehouse!"
>>60349185
this is why canada needs permaban
Originally from England but because we steal everything I thought it'd be ok if I posted it.
An American walks into a bar in London and orders a beer. The bartender asks if he's American.
The American replies "Why yes I am. Is it my accent or my stunning looks that made you ask?"
The Bartender, "No, you're just the fattest fuck I've ever seen."
I made this one up. I'm learning German.
What did the sailor say? 'Sea is cold".
A chinese, a Russian and a American flying in a plane.
The Russian eats an apple and throws what left out.
The Chinese eats a bowl of rice and throws the bowl out.
The American plays with a granate and throws it out.
The Russian laughs loudy.
The Amrican asks him why he is laughing.
"I farted and behind my a vilage burst"
>>60375257
I remember a similar joke. Sort of.
An American, a Chinese, and a Mexican are on a plane. The plane is falling and the pilot tells the passengers to throw out whatever there is too much of in their own countries.
The Mexican throws out the taco he was eating.
The Chinaman throws out the rice.
The American throws out the Mexican.
A Gook a wetback and a nigger walk into a bar and the bar tender says "Get the fuck out"
What occupies the last 6 pages of the Lada User's Manual?
The bus and train timetables.
We got some so called non-jokes (Nichtwitze):
Two sheeps are sitting on a tree and knit nuclear bombs.
A flying cow comes across.
Says one sheep to the other: What bullshit, cows can't fly.
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With the blue elephant riffle.
How do you kill a pink elephant?
Hold its trunk closed until it turns blue and the shoot it with the Blue elephant riffle.
Two sandcorns walk through the desert, says the one to the other one: "Damn today it's full here"
Why wasn't Jesus born in Naples?
He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
Two Jewish children are fighting in Auschwitz. One throws a handful of dirt at the other. The other yells at him: "hey! No involving parents!"
God is deciding who to pick as his chosen people, so he goes to different nations to see if they accept the tablets of the covenant.
He goes to the French, but they don't accept "thou shall no commit adultery"
He goes to the Romanians, but they don't accept "thou shall not steal"
He goes to the Germans, but they don't accept "thou shall not murder"
Finally, he goes to the Jews, who cut him off before he lists the ten commandments, and ask:
"How much does it cost?"
"It's free"
"We'll take two!"
How do you make a Persian tired?
Put him in a round room and tell him there is a shekel in the corner.
(Persians, and Persian Jews in particular, and stereotyped as being cheap)
God is talking to Moses after leading the Jews out of Egypt, and asks him what land he wants for his People.
Moses, who spoke with a stutter, began saying: "C... C... C..."
"Cnaan? Alright then, your promised land is Cnaan!"
Moses turns to his brother and mutters angrily "Damn it, I was trying to say Canada!"
Two fresh escaped German jews sitting in the subway of New York in 1941.
Jew A reads the New York Times, Jew B reads a German Nazi Paper.
Jew A: Oy vey, why do read this garbage, chaim?
Jew B: Garbage? No, its not Garbage.
Jew B: See, in your paper is written that we are presecuted, disowned and massmurdered.
Jew B: In my is written that we are all smart, rich and control the world.
>>60375616
It's funny because this is exactly what happens on /pol/
>hurr da jooz are subhumans yet they control everything and everyone
>>60375616
Reminds me of a story which I don't if is true or a joke, but they say the first Japanese diplomat to Israel brought a copy of the Protocols of the Elders of Zion as a gift.
A jew moved to a all catholic neighbourhood.
Every friday his neigbours go all angry about him for grilling in his garden some nice beef why they aren't allowed meat.
So one day they decided to gather around his house and talk to him.
After long discussion, forcefull upsetness and exhausting stubborness, the Jew decided to convert to christianity.
In the Church the Priest baptized him: "You were born as a Jew, you've lived as Jew, now you're a christ".
Next friday again this delicious smell of beef comes from the Hews garden.
The neoghboars now very upset go to his house and see him grillling in the garden: "You were born as a cow, you've lived as a cow, now you're a fish".
>>60341015
You know Israel made a new sports car
>No?
Yeah, it stops on a dime, picks it up too!
>>60375791
>Catholics can't eat meat on friday
wat
>>60375791
Haha jews,
they are so zany
>>60375825
I'm catholic and have done so since forever, because my parents did so since forever and most people around me always did so.
Yet still I got insecure and looked up on google.
The Catholic Church in Germany recomends this with all argumentation and historical beack ground here http://www.kath.de/lexika/typisch_katholisch/freitags_fisch.html (it's in German tho)
Two Jews walk past a church and see a poster that reads
"Convert today and recieve 500$!!!"
They get curious, so one of them enters.
After half an hour, he comes back out, so his friends asks him
"How did it go?"
"Eh, he talked to me about Jesus and sprayed so water on me"
"And what about the cash?"
"Ugh, of course that's all you people care about"
An old rabbi is on his deathbed, and his final request is to convert to christianity. His pupils ask him "Rebbe! You were so wise and pious! How can you abandon your faith?" To which the rabbi replies " I'm dying anyways, so better one of them than one of us!"
A dumb blonde was filling out a form and in the part that asked "sex" she wrote "at least twice a week".
>>60375976
are their blonds in brazil vtf???
>>60375992
Why don't you google that
>>60376072
it would take too long
What's red, smelly and makes all women cry?
HAHAHAHA a death born baby HAHAHAHAHAHA
>>60376239
IT'S STILL BORN NOT DEATH BORN YOU FUCKING CUNT
>>60376279
What does a blind and mute little girl gets for christmas?
Cancer.
>>60349185
im laughing, not at the joke, but at you
An Irishman is walking through a field and he sees a man drinking water from a hole.
"Ná ól é, tá a lán cac bó istigh"
(don't drink it, there's a lot of cow shite in it)
The man says "speak English, I'm a Englishman. I don't speak that stupid language"
The Irishman responds "use two hands, you'll get it into you quicker".
>>60376340
>things retarded american whoreson bitchboys hear daily for 500
ok cool here's your 500 points do you want a scooter for 400 or COMBO of a minibar for 300 and electric tootbrush for 200?
haha jk i know dumb whoreson americans dont brush teeth, why brush teeth when you can just another meal and it will clean the remainings of last meal right? haha so zany americans
here's your scooter
Three prostitutes compare what they can fit in their vagina in a brothel.
A: Once a dude got in his whole fist in my vagina
B: That's nothing, Once a dude could fit his whole head in my vagina.
C: That's nothing, in my vagina a whole dude can fit in.
A and B: What? Impossible, you'll need to prove this.
Fast is a man found to try it out. First he puts his head in and look but gets out pretty fast.
A and B: What happened?
Man: I can't go there is already one.
A dude is fucking his sister and she tells him: "Damn bro, you are fucking better than dad." He answers her: "I know, mom told me so as well."
How did we win the war of 1812?
The Americans threw the grenades, we pulled the pins and threw them back.
In Ontario, you drive straight when you're sober and swerve when you're drunk. in Québec, you swerve when you're sober and drive straight when you're drunk. (it's a joke about potholes if you don't get it)
A man from Québec is summoned to go to court to testify to the charge of necrophilia."dead?" he says, "I thought she was an Anglo!"
What do you call a beautiful woman in Ontario?
A tourist.
Where can you find 35 million Canadian jokes?
In Canada.
A kid comes crying to its mother: "Wäääähhh mom, I have a six (F) in math".
Mother: Who cares, you have cancer anyway.
