Tell us a story everyone else said was fake (edition)
i love masturbating to videos of women
When i met Drake and he kissed me on the lips
I hate myself and I want to die
crayon pop
>>54058333
>pic not related to UK
>text not related to UK
>foreign OP
Why would you make this?
>>54058333
Broke into someones log cabin and slept in it at the bottom of their garden after going on an MDMA sesh with the lads and had nowhere to go because we got kicked out of a party.
>>54058387
>aussies
>foreign
Newcunt to /brit/
>>54058387
>Syria isn't UK
uhh, excuse me?
I used to think white bread was good for you desu
>>54058421
Bread isn't good for you full stop. It's a meme that it is
fucking hell this David Gray album is good. Haven't listened to him in several years.
>>54058379
this
crotch is literally fermenting
>>54058387
hello reddit
>Yandere Sim banned from Twitch
Baka
i used to think mack donalds was good for you
I used to think being white was alright, now I have realised how wrong I was.
paul
>>54058436
you guys eat cake tier bread
Just quit my $70k/year job in San Diego to accept £23k/year job in the NHS in Hull (nurse).
What have I gotten myself into lads?
>>54058460
classic paul
>>54058448
>tfw sporadically watch WoW streamers despite not playing video games for years
It's my secret shame.
>>54058475
Let's go down the list
-You're moving from one shit country to another
-You're a nurse
-FOY
>>54058472
take that back
>>54058389
shut up
>>54058475
> le yank imminently moving to the UK gimmick
Why do you make up stories like this all the time? What do you get out of it? They're not even good
Can't think of one non-Anglo foreign country I like desu.
does bullying turn boys into greasy creeps?
or do greasy creeps tend to get bullied?
>>54058475
Are you memeing? I've no idea why anyone would do that 2bh.
>>54058493
I do the same 2bh
I don't PC game anymore, but still have a PS4
>>54058475
>Hull
It has so much pakis that they turned the river into their own River of Ganges
>>54058507
Why do you keep responding to my posts, Cletus?
had another dream last night where we broke into asda. the alarm went off this time before we could do anything and I had to sprint out and round the back. was shiteing it
>>54058512
I like most OECD countries ngl
Lads I miss Ed, at least he was not good for the Labour Party in a 'oh what're you like, aren't you funny?' kinda way.
Corbyn is just a soul sucking 'I'm a high horse riding cock who hates everything British'
>>54058531
shut up
>>54058512
rasheed
>>54058541
Not for me fãm
Down a stone, one more to go lads
Will be back to being skinny in time for spring
Can't believe I even let myself put it on, depression is a hell of a drug
>Tfw my great grandpa invented lamingtons
my claim to fame desu
>>54058540
Had one of those teeth-falling-out dreams last night but I kept feeling around in my mouth and couldn't find the gaps where they'd fallen from so I realised in the dream that I was just dreaming
I'm a genius
>>54058550
Cletus pls.
>>54058543
TORIES OUT
>>54058531
Hull is actually extremely white as far as English cities go.
t. Hull
>>54058582
shut up
Tame Impala aren't that bad Tbf
easy listening
>>54058571
I knew the Grateful Dead from 1966
>>54058509
You used to say this to me (charleston guy) a year or so ago and now I'm here.
*sticks tongue out*
>>54058387
>Syria isn't UK
>Russia isn't UK
um.. nice try sweetheart :)
>>54058389
>log cabin
you mean shed you weapon
>>54058543
I miss the 'hi, we're a credible opposition in parliament' Labour party desu. Not fond of 'Hi, here's a free ticket for Gideon or Theresa 'Stasi Commandant' May at the 2020 general election' Labour party.
>>54058509
>>54058516
I thought it might be nice to get out and work abroad for a year or two.
I worked as a clinical nurse at an in-patient surgical clinic in SD and now I accepted a job at a community health center as a nurse. Really know nothing about the area.
I used to wear gucci but through it in the bin cause that is not me
>>54058596
Cletus pls.
>>54058589
I know lad I just wanted to use that meme s-sorry. I actually like Hull I've been, lovely city lovely people would move to.
>>54058625
No a literal log cabin.
I don't want to live in this country anymore.
>>54058619
Get out
>>54058475
I hope for your sake you aren't serious
sorry for my bad temper last nights, boys
>>54058513
both
>>54058600
i don't think anyone's under the impression that tame impala are bad, unless of course they're a big fat pleb
>>54058635
Me neither.
Can't wait for Gideon to sell me to the Chinese as part of his long term plan
DAN JARVIS WHEN?
>>54058645
shut up
>>54058652
>the white woman in the burka
going to the toilet
everybody should do a massive dose of LSD at least once in their lives
>>54058652
>diabesity
I like it
>>54058640
Seems a bit brash lad, it's not a bad idea to go abroad but you should probably have done a bit more research about the place in question. I'd imagine there's a strong demand for nurses right across the country.
I've never been to Hull but can't say I've heard good things. That you're working in a health center rather than a hospital is good as you won't have horrendous/long shifts.
Can't wait for War and Peace tonight lads.
>>54058714
shut up
Europe has literally become Bizarro Rourke ever since Sweden and Germany started with this immigration bollox and none of u cunts did owt to stop it !!!
>tfw had a screamer of a post thought up
>could have easily harvested 12/13 (You)s
>make a quick post to laugh at a Yank moving to Hull
>forgotten what I was going to post
sorry lads, feel as though I've let you down
>>54058656
I'm southern, tall, white and have blue eyes
Your country needs me
I'm here to help
>>54058670
Cletus pls.
>>54058696
Candyflipped once, and it did me more bad than good desu.
>>54058696
going to cop some 1p 2bh
>>54058721
rude.
>>54058730
>none of u cunts did owt to stop it !!!
We're about to vote to leave mate.
We're stopping it for ourselves, not sure what's gonna happen to you lads
Don't even have racist views or any problems with housing people who are fleeing war and shit conditions
Whatever the fuck is going on now is beyond my comprehension though
>>54058715
Any good? I've recorded them all so far. May catch up today. I'm watching Deutschland 83, which is awesome.
>>54058652
Cut the bullshit
Give everyone 2000 credits a day
Earn extra credits with time in the gym
1 credit = 1 calorie
There, authoritarian but healthy solution.
>>54058738
You're all yanks to me. Filthy yanks.
Enjoying Naval Action lads. You can play as the Brits, it's great.
>>54058742
Are you the RC benzo addict?
What's it like knowing (if you are) that you might die from withdrawal when they get banned?
What's a band with a similar vibe to The Smiths/Morrissey/Gene i.e. sappy British pop rock?
>>54058741
God that's a terrible phrase.
How so though lad?
>when you try to explain something that emotionally affects you to friends/family and they just don't get it
>>54058740
shut up
Excited for the Queen to take the USA over desu
>>54058762
literally an episode of black mirror
>>54058766
I told you not to buy because it's early access you tosser.
>>54058759
Yeah, really good series and very well done.
>>54058766
Looks shit desu
>>54058742
shut up
>>54058768
Not him, but I've asked my vendor personally what will happen when the ban hits.
He said in no uncertain terms:
>Nothing bad
There's already loopholes in the POS bill that means he's immune to prosecution.
had a dream last night i drove into the city to help one of my old mates move and i was walking around on his driveway and i stepped on a shard of glass and it really hurt and i said "dude theres glass everywhere" to which he replied "yeah thats kinda why im moving" and then we couldnt fit his surfboard in the car so we drove with the boot open
>>54058652
>Ugly women
>Fat bald faggot with bad teeth
>Old man
>Muslim
Britain summed up in one picture. How grim.
>>54058766
is it worth it?
>>54058790
that was me lad
only watch the Big Questions if it's something about race/islam/feminism
>>54058790
>>54058794
I like it. The only thing really bothering me is the constant maintenance.
>>54058768
No not at all, only done benzos once 2bh and it was quite pleasant but I'd never do them regularly after reading up on how addictive they are how bad the withdrawals are. Feel bad for a lot of people out there that went big on them when Etizolam was the /fa/ drug of the month.
I'd imagine they'll be able to get them quite easily (if more expensive) on the darkweb when the ban comes in.
>>54058696
I want to try mushrooms and LSD. Shrooms are easy to grow, but it's difficult getting spores into the UK?
I did want to try MDMA until I learned that it has long term effects on your brain, even after one dose.
>>54058741
I did that several times and I prefer acid by itself desu. More depth to the trips because you're not blinded by the MDMA euphoria. Less harsh on the body and brain too.
>>54058714
>center
Fuck off yank
>>54058809
Oh that's nice then. I was honestly getting worried at the RC benzo addicts as I know you can die if you don't taper
>>54058819
To me it is.
It has a load of neat little features, like the fact that you have to use the wind properly to sail, and the fact the map doesn't tell you where you are, you have to work it out manually from doing bearing sailing.
>>54058766
>40 squid
>for some early access autistic ship game
dear oh dear
a fool and their money are easily parted
/fedora
>>54058766
>ywn be a young officer in the 18th century Royal Navy
>>54058696
I did la.
Spent 15 fucking hours in a loop.
Short term memory was completely fucked. Couldn't do anything, just repeated the same 4 word phrase in my head over and over and over again.
Not fun.
double bag, triple bag, i could go an hour on this diss bawbag
>>54058819
Wait until it's released.
>>54058770
>making the attempt in the first place
Just bottle it up, that's what feelings are for
Why are there so many old people everwhere lads? My town centre looks like a fucking nursing home on the weekends.
>>54058851
kek, I actually work in pharma (with predominantly yank clients) so 'health center' is a very common phrase for me. Shit.
>>54058814
Don't forget "Muh victimhood, we need more regulation and laws against this sort of thing, what's government going to do about it?"
We've become a nation of pathetic beta cuckolds, incapable of standing on our own two feet and directing the course of our own lives.
>>54058824
>I'd imagine they'll be able to get them quite easily
If they just went to the doctors and said they suffer from really bad anxiety and that they tried one of their friends medications when they were having a panic attack called lyrica that helped they'd get prescribed lyrica. Which is a gaba drug that is infinitely more better than benzos and doctors don't think it's recreational or addictive so they give it out like they used to benzos.
Better hop on that bandwagon soon though because it won't be like that for long since lyrica is an emerging mainstream drug.
>>54058872
Haha you absolute melter
>>54058863
I'm autistic and wanted a ship game
>>54058696
No thanks
>>54058898
Government's rubbing their hands together though.
They're feminism embodied.
>Yes you're helpless
>Yes you need our support
>You can't fix anything by yourself
>>54058885
at the weekends is when children and parents are off you, spaz, so that's when you'd see a wider mix of ages.
during the week is when the population seems to be exclusively pensioners
>>54058896
Was criticising the spelling more than the phrase m8
How's /gf2016/ going lads?
>>54058825
>but it's difficult getting spores into the UK?
No it really isn't all my headshops sell them or just legally buy them from an Amsterdam shop they aren't scared to send them since it's a loophole.
Shrooms are infinitely better than LSD. LSD feels like fake insight, mushrooms feels like natural insight.
>>54058872
>same 4 word phrase in my head over and over and over again
That's called a mantra, I do this in meditation. It's actually a technique your brain uses to calm you down.
off to farmfoods today to get some frozen fruit lads
going to see what fuels the underclass
scared
>>54058898
2bqh I'd agree if we had private healthcare where the people in question bear the cost of their eating/drinking habits. But as is every tax payer bears the cost of fat plebs eating too much sugar, so I feel a tax is the right thing to do.
Ideally it would just be a surcharge on long-term obese people or type-2 diabetics if they want NHS care, but that's not likely to happen.
>>54058859
You'll get bored of it and not want to play it once it comes out of early access.
>>54058915
looks fun t b h. think i'd like sailing around in a big boat
>>54058970
swimmingly (read: horribly)
just want a bf AND a gf is that too much to ask
>>54058960
Yeah I got you, just force of habit to spell it that way because of work (yank clients prefer yank spelling).
>>54058974
I had no control over it.
I wanted it to stop, really badly, but I couldn't.
I'll never do it again.
>>54058970
I'm never going to get a gf so I don't hold myself to that.
>>54058975
The underclass do not shop at farmfoods. Farmfoods is always full of old people. The underclass shop at Lidl, Asda and Aldi.
*lures you all into the back of a tip truck with anime shite*
*drives to the designated runt grave*
*tips you all into the massive dug out hole*
*dusts hands*
Ah yes that will do nicely
>>54058970
Early days yet
I've given a few women some quick glances as I've walked past them on the street so I'm well on my way
>>54058987
I'd rather just opt out of the NHS altogether desu. I eat healthy and work out everyday. I'm sure insurance would be the cheaper option.
>>54058991
>implying
I bought darkest dungeon early access and i'm now loving life playing the release
>>54058975
>Shops at Farmfoods
>Thinks he's not the underclass
>>54059023
>I had no control over it.
Because it was your brain using a defense mechanism that is imprinted in our psyche.
I have had thought loops before. Only shared thought loops. Me and my friend had the exact same conversation for four hours straight until my friends came back and snapped us out of it.
Was quite humourus. We started to get very fucking angry as to why we kept repeating the same conversation, even started shouting at eachother telling eachother to stop fucking with our heads lel.
Alright lads.
I get a kick out of being frugal. I'm not a weirdo who eats berries off trees for dinner or whatever but I do try to limit what I spend and what I buy.
Any advice?
I drink water mostly and make my food myself to bring into work.
I rarely buy new clothes, only when my old ones are literally falling apart and my phone bill is £12 a month on giffgaff
There's other stuff but I can't think of it, any other easy ways to cut my expenses?
>>54059042
>Aldi
"no"
>not setting up embryo farming facilities and curing every disease man will ever encounter
what's 'ethically' wrong with that?
>>54059092
t. Underclass Aldi shopper
>>54059021
I don't care early access is a fucking cancer and you're an idiot for supporting it.
>Lidl is shit because it's cheap meme
>>54059086
>any other easy ways to cut my expenses?
Yes start selling weed and you won't have to worry about living like a pleb.
>>54059086
yeah you could kill yourself
>>54059093
MUH KIDSSSS
>>54059093
To what end? As test subjects?
Pretty obvious ethical issues la.
Off to Church lads
>>54059093
overpopulation
>>54059086
write a list of shit you buy over a month then look at it and go "nah don't need that" and stop buying it
>>54059042
Don't forget Iceland.
It's awesome. The nearest supermarkets to my house are Lidl and Iceland. On a weekend you can take a blanket and picnic basket and sit in the car park and watch the chavs fight.
definitely gonna move to NYC lads
my life will be like a woodie allen movie
>>54059127
They wouldn't be your kids
I'd happily donate spermatozoa.
>>54059129
Not even that, just harvest stem cells.
>>54059141
Good lad.
>>54059118
Lidl is shit because they have pretty bizarre and inconsistent stock of products, the shops are unpleasant and they run a skeleton crew so you have to queue for ages to pay.
Doubt there's much, if any difference in the quality of the goods themselves though. Clearly not a meme given the market share they've managed to steal in just a few years. I don't like it though.
>>54059150
>awesome
Fuck off yank.
Farmoods and Iceland are good for frozen fruit. vegetables and meat. Everything else is mainly shit and povvo-tier.
>>54059158
are u a billionaire lid?
>>54059158
Fuck off billionaire
>>54059068
If it was yank tier inssurance then fucking jo.
F it was pay X amount per month and you're sorted then.alright.
Still woupdn't st insurance companies though.
>tfw typing on a kindoe fire
Fuckung HATE touchscreen s
>>54059170
How do we know embyros aren't sentient?
Pretty immoral in that regard.
Wish it would snow here. Everything is so grey and depressing. Even just a dusting would do.
*opens /brit/*
*calls you all runts*
runts
>>54059005
Polygamy is a sin, anon. Don't disappoint Jesus.
>>54059158
>ywn stroll thorugh Manhattan in winter watching films & visiting galleries with a qt
>>54059158
easiest way to get in (other than fence hopping and running from the authorities while living on the breadline for 30 years before qualifying for a green card)
>apply to study at yank uni
>get accepted
>meet qt girl on yank campus
>marry her
>stay
other than this you have to be a actual billionaire genius entrepreneur before they will accept you.
>>54059196
>>54059198
millions of immigrants have shown up on the shores of New York with nothing but the clothes on their back
>shes so lovely
>everything about her
>mannerisms of another
>>54059222
using the current legal definition of a human, they aren't
>>54059230
good boy
>>54059196
>>54059198
Cheaper than London lads, getting a long-term visa will be his main issue.
>>54059271
get some yank lass preggers
>>54059271
just marry an American girl
the story about the guy from my school trying to kill his parents made it to the UK's dailymail -- bloody wild
why haven't I got a single gf yet??!!
>tfw no sheila aussie mate who absolutely tears shreds at the lads during banter hour
>>54059263
I said sentient.
>>54059271
Why can't you move somewhere else you twat?
>>54059343
jesus christ that image is horrifying
>>54059256
in a time when everything wasnt overly administered
but eitherway, I'll admire your persistence if you carry through with it
gl have fun
Business idea: fly to Mexico and hop the fence to America before trump builds the wall
>>54059343
legally irrelevant
>>54059358
gib sheila
>>54059322
my dentist was in the mail the other week cos he's going to jail for fraud t b h. pretty weird seeing the fat cunt in the news
Quick, post your favourite /tv/ meme
Are the Cornish people real or are they a meme nation?
Do people's eyes get bluer as they get older?
>>54059346
I'm not him, I was just saying it's not necessarily 'billionaire' behaviour to move to NYC.
>>54059374
Not in a moral regard.
>>54059396
classic Paul Dano
>>54059343
>banter hour
australians call it banto m8
>>54059414
also irrelevant
>>54059380
Prison not jail fuck off yank
*feels a bit anxious*
*eyes the benzos*
>>54059396
>>54059372
I hope you know that the US is literally third world tier for anyone who isn't at least in the (shrinking) middle class.
They have very little quality of life indicators that poor people in this country can get for free or cheap in the UK
Got shadowbanned on reddit lads
>Stephen Fry tried to do a sports management degree to prove how inane some degrees in our country are but wasn't accepted by any of the Universities he applied to.
quite interesting that 2bh
>>54059322
post the link then you dozy bruce
>>54059438
Your argument began with ethically. how is it not?
This doesn't seem like a good idea.
>>54059399
>the proud ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''nation'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' of Cornwall
>>54059396
>tfw we all sing along when that song comes on the radio at work
>>54059440
How about gaol?
>>54059440
monopoly board say jail you cunt and there's nothing more english than monopoly so fuck off
What's the most unsettling film you've seen lads?
Mine is Titicut Follies desu
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062374/
>>54059475
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3411119/Man-arrested-stabbing-father-mother-Oaklands-Sydney.html
>>54059416
never understood that meme Tbh
where does the classic bit come from,
>>54059474
>Letting a well known nonce study at your university and say how shit your courses are and put people off applying
can't think why lad
>>54059474
>sports management
lel that exists?
>>54059440
>not Gaol
FUCK OFF YOU UTTER YANK TWAT
>>54059484
Family has literally left the door opened since I can remember and we have never been robbed.
>>54059446
how do I get benzos?
>>54059468
Yes it's
Much better to be poor in the uk but if you make 30k or more America is better top to bottom desu
>>54059474
What were their reasons? They probably knew he was taking the piss because I doubt any of them would otherwise turn down a celebrity with a first from Cambridge
>>54059484
>be police
>burgling houses
>walk in the door and realise the owner is in
>haha just checking to see if your door is open mate, to stop people robbing you like haha.
>>54059484
what? entering their house? or leaving your door unlocked
>>54059505
>$30,000 a year private school
fuck off billionaire posh cunt
>>54059484
An even worse idea:
Police don't respond to vehicle related crimes in some parts of the UK.
(But don't tell the thieves)
>>54059474
Nothing has been funnier to me in an awkward way than the lad who posted on my fb
'Can't believe I graduated with a 2;2 from Edge Hill, had a great year with the lads!' and had billions of family posts on how smart he is etc
>>54059492
It's a yank game made by yanks...
Fuck off yank.
>>54059526
https://www.buckledbonzi.co.uk/pellet-products/flubromazepam-4mg
>>54059512
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/paul-dano
it's basically just a reference that Dano seems a classy guy
>>54059542
Fuck off you cynical tosser
>>54059526
don't fuck around with them laddo, not worth it in the long-term.
>>54059505
thank goodness the Daily Mail janny censored the offending image
>>54059542
"what you doing with my telly officer?"
"ah not to worry lad, just confiscating it until I check your telly license :^)"
>>54059546
Entering a house without a warrant.
>>54059484
>>54059542
>be walking london
>get punched in the throat
>aha mate u should have been ready to protect yourself ffs
>80 quid fine
>>54059552
What degree?
>>54059550
my school was $25,000 a year and my brother and I both went there
>>54059484
COVENTRY MENTIONED
>>54059597
from what i heard he found out he was gay and went off the rails
>>54059505
>Ice is such a foreign concept to Bruce that he gets high off it
lmao
Do religions get in the way of belief?
>>54059533
still wouldn't want live there as a billionaire desu
would not feel save
in this country rich and poor people can live only a street apart and share common facilities. much more community minded. america is like a dystopic vision of the UK
>>54059484
Is this what they're doing when they say they don't have time to attend break ins?
>>54059614
Rich cunt.
>>54059597
>blurring out his finger
What the fuck
>>54059622
>'Son we need to have a chat'
>'You're gay'
>>54059612
Poltical science
>>54059634
practice is belief
>>54059552
Yeah I see this all the time on Facebook. I don't get how getting a degree is per se considered an achievement when anyone and their dog can get one these days. Also funny how my friends who go to actual good universities tend to be much more modest
>>54059484
Police can only enter premises without a warrant if a serious or dangerous incident has taken place.
Situations in which the police can enter premises without a warrant include when they want to:
deal with a breach of the peace or prevent it
enforce an arrest warrant
arrest a person in connection with certain offences
recapture someone who has escaped from custody
save life or prevent serious damage to property
They're breaking the law
What's the best way to prepare healthy meals for the week lads, what meals should i prepare?
>>54059653
>>54059614
and now you post on /brit/...
bit of a waste of money
>>54059505
>$30,000
even if that is only 20 bob in real money
FUCK OFF BILLIONAIRE POSH BRUCE CUNT
>>54059635
USA has very close knit communities in some states
>>54059634
Yes
Belief is a personal thing, everyone has their own. Even Christians are all Christians for their own reasons and believe in different things.
Think people just join organised religions to make their belief seem more real or true. Not sure.
>>54059690
Lentil soup is the staple povvo food.
>political """"""""""science""""""""""
>>54059663
Political science is an imported American degree subject. Got what he deserved.
>>54059691
25,000 australian "dollars" is only 12,000 pounds
>>54059698
it's $21k in real money
>>54059603
probably to check and see if anyone was inside you cretin, someone could be in the process of breaking in
>>54059690
brown rice, chicken breast, pepper, white onion, brocolli
>>54059693
m8 sunday is the sabbath, and a day of rest.
Reminder that going to private school makes you a more likeable and successful person
>>54059663
I'm sure he wi0ll go on to be a great political scientist.
(will probably end up in retail or some generic office job desu)
>>54059712
yeah the gated ones
>>54059743
>2016
>not being homeschooled
>>54059732
>Bruce bucks
>Yank shekles
nah
>>54059762
>homeschooled
Does anyone actually get homeschooled in the UK? I thought it was a yank thing.
>>54059743
you mean a public school?
>>54059743
>successful
Yes, probably.
>Likeable
No.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-35384417
MUH HOLOCAUST
