A Pole, a German and a Russian meet the devil. He locks each one of them in a cell, gives them two small marbles each and tells them they have a month to impress him with them, or he'll eat them otherwise.
So he comes back after a month and sees that the German's cell is full of complicated mathematical formulas and one marble is perfectly balanced on top of the other.
He nods his head and moves on to the Russian's cell to see him doing one-handed pushups while juggling the marbles with the other hand.
The devil nods again and moves to the Poles cell, only to see that he lost one marble and broke the other one.
Why couldn't Einstein build a house?
Because he only had ein stein!
>>52253008
The bear is walking around the forest. He sees a car that is burning. He sat in this can and was burnt.
>>52253008
A German and 1 million refugees walk into a bar...
>>52253768
*im this car
>>52253825
>im this car
but who was phone?
An Abo walks into a bar. He smells quite a bit.
>>52253768
>>52253825
>>52253843
Fuck. Ok i try again.
The bear is walking at the forest. Suddenly he is seeing the car is burning. He sits in this can and burns.
Well, that is ok i hope.
>>52253925
Take another vodka and try again.
>>52253925
>sits in this can
What did he mean by this?
>>52253925
>russian humor
is there even a word for it in russian?
>>52253969
That was supposed to be a car. Posting with phone while walking when it's -5 and fucking wind is kinda hard.
>>52253925
>>52253825
>>52253768
Is this a meta joke? It's the only funny thing itt.
>>52253995
Isn't that funny? The bear sits in a car ans burns! ahahaha that's sick. No really, it's funny.
A man walks into a bar.
>ouch
Feminism
A German, a English and a Portuguese are talking:
German: Sometimes i think my wife is retarded, she just bought a new bikini, even through she don't like the beach and can't swin.
English: I know how it feels m8, my wife just bought a bycicle that she saw, even through she doesn't know how to ride one.
The portuguese listening and laughing says.
Portuguese: You guys should see my wife then, she just bought a whole box of condoms for her trip to Brazil, even through she has no penis.
>>52254096
>stealing Canadian jokes
wew lad
>>52254065
go away
>>52254111
heuehueheeuehueheuheue
How do you stop a nigger from drowning?
>You take your foot off the back of his head.
>>52254059
Nah. It's like a joke about jokes. Like you know it laughs at every jokes stupid beginnings. Like burnung car in the forest? Devil meets pole and german? Well, then sitting in that car is not that stupid after that, huh? Jeesus. We have a steriotype that amricans and canadians understand only the dumbest jokes about asses and dicks but come on.
The Canadian goes: Eh?
The Australian goes: Hey, mate.
The American says: Hey, wanna mate?
>>52254172
Boo
>>52254163
>>>/b/ shittard
>>52253008
In Russia this joke is with german, american and russian, and russian is one who lost and break marbles.
What do you call 64 white americans?
A full blooded Cherokee!
>>52254111
lol
>>52253008
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jQlPr3hxXuA
>>52254163
Did you mean an anti joke? A joke that is so unfunny that it's funny?
Three Aboriginals jump off a bridge, who wins?
Society
>>52254222
almost as terrible as that autistic russian
>>52254111
Where did Ahmed go after the explosion?
>Everywhere.
>>52253925
It is not ok
>>52254014
I liked the joke XAXAXA ))). posting from phone is hard!
Did you hear about the Polish terrorist who tried to blow up a bus?
He burned his lips on the exhaust.
>captcha related
An Asian, a woman, and a priest are on a ship
The ship starts to sink
the Asian says "hory shit run for the life boats!"
the woman says "What about the children?!"
the priest says "children? this isn't the time for sex!"
Genghis Khan, Caesar, and Napoleon are all in Moscow for a parade of the Soviet army. Genghis looks at the missile launchers and says: "With those fiery darts, I could have conquered all of Asia!" Caesar looks at the tanks and says: "With those iron chariots all of Europe could have been mine!" Napoleon takes one look at a copy of Pravda on a newsstand and says: "With this, no one would have known about Waterloo."
When should you piss on a Persian girl's face?
- when her moustache is on fire
>>52254240
I got something like that from the states:
What was the saddest thing about those 4 niggers who drove over a cliff in a Cadillac?
A Cadillac seats 5.
>>52253008
Bulgaria
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW8DNStF3TE
>>52254111
jajajajaja
>>52254163
I like your jokes russiabro
>>52253768
>>52253925
it was good, rusbro
>>52253008
An inspecting commission came to a lunatics asylum. To greet them, a choir of the patients sang a song from a popular movie that says "Oh, how good it is to live in the Soviet land!"
The commission noticed that one of the men did not sing.
"Why are you not singing?"
"I'm not crazy, I'm a nurse here."
>>52254111
>cucktugal
"Armenians"
>>52254330
Do you know any of these Georgian? radio jokes?
>>52254305
Won't lie, I might've kekked
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us “Is it possible to build communism in America?”
We’re answering “It's possible, but who will we buy grain from?”
>>52254391
It's armenian.
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio our listeners asked us: “What is the difference between capitalism and socialism?”
We’re answering “In a capitalist society man exploits man, and in a socialist one, the other way around.”
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it true that American skyscrapers are the tallest in the world?”
We’re answering: “Yes, it's true, but on the other hand the Soviet-made transistors are the largest in the world.”
>>52254305
What is 4 niggers in a van driving over a cliff?
Waste, fits 15.
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What will be the results of the next elections?”
We’re answering: “Nobody can tell.” Somebody has stolen yesterday the exact results of the next elections from the office of the Central Committee of the USSR.”
>>52254423
Why did the US govt. plant 200 new trees in Oakland, CA?
To improve public transportation.
>>52254391
The question for armenian radio: What's better to be bald or an idiot?
An idiot, it is not that easy to spot you are bald then.
Well, most of these jokes won't sound funny in english.
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “We are told that the communism is already seen at the horizon.” Then, what is a horizon?”
We’re answering: “Horizon is an imaginary line which moves away each time you approach it.”
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why some people say that Hungarians love the Russians and hate the Americans?”
We’re answering: “Because Russians helped Hungarians to get rid of one totalitarian rule, but Americans don't help to get rid of the other.”
>>52253768
>>52253825
>>52253925
>>52254065
>Russian """"""""""""""humour""""""""""""""
Joke:
Three men are in ship. One Latvian, one Russian, one Lithuanian. Lithuanian take out one bottle wodka. Russian kill Lithuanian, then drink wodka. Then Latvian wait until Russian drink self to sleep, then kill. Is end.
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Can a son of a General become a Marshal?”
We’re answering: “No, because every Marshal also has a son.”
There are 3 blacks in a car, one is 16 years old, the second is 17, and the third is 18. Who's driving?
The police
>>52254527
Good stuff, made me smirk
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why is our government not in a hurry to land our men on the moon?”
We’re answering: “What if they refuse to return?”
A Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve.
The Brit says: They look so calm and placid ! They are British for sure.
The French says: They look so handsome and intimate ! They are French for sure.
The Russian says: Look, they have no clothes, no house, only a apple for food and they're told it's heaven on earth ? They are Russian for sure !
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Will there be the third world war?”
We’re answering: “No, but the struggle for peace will reach such degree that there will be no stone left intact on the earth.”
>>52254524
F. f f f f f ....
Why six is afraid seven? Because seven have many friend politburo.
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why policemen always walk the streets in teams of three?”
We’re answering: “The partners in the police team are always chosen in such a way that one of them knows how to read, the other how to write, and the third one, naturally, has to keep watch over those two intellectuals.”
>>52254637
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why do we need two central newspapers, Pravda (Truth) and Izvestiya (News) if both are organs of the same Party?”
We’re answering: “Because in Pravda there is no news, and in Izvestiya there is no truth.”
>>52254637
I had a hearty kek.
>>52254391
This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is permitted and what is prohibited?”
We’re answering: “In England, what is permitted, is permitted, and what is prohibited, is prohibited.
In America everything is permitted except for what is prohibited.
In Germany everything is prohibited except for what is permitted.
In France everything is permitted, even what is prohibited.
In the USSR everything is prohibited, even what is permitted.
>>52253008
Ivanov applied to the Communist Party. The party committee conducts an interview.
"Comrade Ivanov, do you smoke?"
"Yes, I do a little."
"Do you know that comrade Lenin did not smoke and advised other communists not to smoke?"
"If comrade Lenin said so, I shall cease smoking."
"Do you drink?"
"Yes, a little."
"Comrade Lenin strongly condemned drunkenness."
"Then I shall cease drinking."
"Comrade Ivanov, what about women?"
"A little...."
"Do you know that comrade Lenin strongly condemned amoral behavior?"
"If comrade Lenin condemned, I shall not love them any longer."
"Comrade Ivanov, will you be ready to sacrifice your life for the Party?"
"Of course. Who needs such life?"
What do you call a black woman who gets an abortion?
>A future crime stopper of America.
>>52253008
Norway
What do you call a hundred black men with college degrees hanging out at bars?
Cell block C.
It's english exam. Student went out the classroom. Other students talk to him.
How is it going?
Very well.
What the teacher asked you?
I don't know. He asked me in English.
How does a black woman know she's pregnant?
>When she takes out her tampon all the cotton is picked off.
A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain.
His copilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, 'I don't like Chinese.'
'No rike Chinese?' asks the copilot, '....why not?'
'You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why !'
'No, no,' the co-pilot protests, 'Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.'
'Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese... doesn't matter, you're all alike!'
There's a few minutes of silence.
'I no rike Jews either!' the copilot suddenly announces.
'Oh yeah, why not?' asks the captain.
'Jews sink Titanic.'
'What? That's insane! Jews didn't sink the Titanic!' exclaims the captain, 'It was an iceberg!'
'Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg ...no mattah... all same.'
Four men sit in bar bragging about sons achievements. First man say "My son is a lawyer, so rich he bought his girlfriend a new Mercedez Benz"
Second man says "This is nothing mine is engineer, bought his girlfriend a new yacht"
Third man says "Mine is surgeon, bought his girlfriend a big mansion"
They look at fourth man and ask him what his son does "My son is homosex hairstylist, but he got a mercedez, yacht and mansion from his 3 lovers"
It's economical exam. Student(girl) tells about Adam Smith, but she never call him by name. Teacher asks:
- How was called Smith?
- Silence...
Teacher want to help her.
- Well, how was called the first man (in the Earth - Adam)
- (Student (girl) turns red and says quiet ) Valera...
Why aren't there any niggers with Down's Syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice
What's the similarity between a pregnant black woman and a car with a busted tire?
They're both expecting a monkey
What did a bean say to another bean?
You're ugly, John!
The freshman come back to home. Parents ask him.
- How was you first exam? Did you passed it?
- No. The teacher was very religious. He said after every my answer: "Ohh... my God!
>>52254823
Toppest kek
stop telling jokes!
there are depressed people here.
>>52254817
that's racis
is the desuarchive just since they started or have they transferred stuff from moe?
>>52254830
Shieet, i heard that one recently from a guy in a bar here in my town.
I guess humor has no borders :^)
>>52254887
Argentina is White.
An English man, Irishman and an Aussie are talking at a bar talking.
>Englishman
When my wife and I have made love she says its like floating above the bed.
>Irishman
When the wife and I have finished sex she feels like she is levitating in a bed of clover.
>Aussie
When me and the missus are done I wipe my cock on the curtains and she hits the roof.
>The Armenian Radio
During the siege of Berlin a Russian agent was feeding hungry German children with care. The Care was causing German children to swell and die.
>>52254861
I'm trying to get this one... Was the freshman a girl who fugged her professor?
Why do Scots wear kilts ?
>Because the sound of the zipper was scaring the sheeps
>>52254823
i like it
>>52254675
lmao
An America couple was being shown around Moscow one day, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
"I think it's raining," he said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied.
"No, I'm sure it was just rain," he said.
Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing.
"Let's not fight about it!" the man said. "Let's ask our guide, Rudolph, whether it's officially raining or snowing."
As their tour guide approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"
"It's raining, of course," he replied officiously.
But the woman insisted, "I know that it felt like snow!"
The man quietly replied, "Rudolph, the Red, knows rain, dear!"
Three men were sitting in a gulag
"what are you in for?"
1st guy "I came in 5 minutes late to a party meeting and was sent here because they thought i was a western spy trying to sabotage the meeting"
2nd guy "I came in 5 minutes early to a party meeting and they thought i was a western spy sent to spy on the meeting"
3rd guy "I came in on time and was accused of being a western spy for having an accurate watch"
seriously is desuarchive still have none of the previous moe archive shit?
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes Watson up and says: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." / "I see millions and millions of stars." / "And what do you deduce from that?" / "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." / "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent!"
why do these threads always turn into commie jokes
Ok, get a load of this one: so there's that one guy, y'know, the weird kind of guy, think your neighbour who never talks to anybody, ever. So, that guy, he bought a hat. AND IT DID FUCKIN' FIT!
>>52255084
Ahhh, you son of a bitch!
>>52254816
hhahah i like russian humour
>>52255136
Explain? I don't git it.
>>52254898
I guess most jokes here are just translated English jokes.
What does a pedophile do in the morning?
Nothing the school only comes out at 14:00
>>52255168
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2rg53E-vEc
>>52255120
Because depressing humour is best humour
>>52254963
Holy shit that's gold!
>>52254932
kekest
>>52255087
>seriously is desuarchive still have none of the previous moe archive shit?
I don't get it, is this part of joke?
>>52253995
Yes..
>eban'ko
>>52255134
Why did this make me chuckle?
>>52255193
thanks.
A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian were on an island
The norwegian shot everyone
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
>>52254823
fucking lol, i read the chinese guy's dialogue in the south park chinese guy's voice
>>52255278
>>52254111
>>52255322
Jesus Fuck, Ruskie, you pull a trigger.
A Finn, a Swede and a Norwegian went to an island
The Norwegian shot them all
So there are three friends going on a hunting trip, one of them goes out hunting by himself in the morning and returns around evening with a rabbit. His friends ask him: how did you do it?
The guy says, I followed the trails, looked for the cave and 'BAM' got him.
The next day the second friend goes out early by himself and returns with the fur of a bear, the guys asked him: how did you do it?
He said: I followed the trails, looked for the cave and 'BAM' got him.
So the third one goes out the next morning but he doesn't come home until very late at night, when he arrives his friends see him all fucked up, bleeding, with broken bones.
They asked him: what happened?
He said: well,.. I looked for the trails, enter the cave, and 'BAM' the train hit me.
A rabbit went drunk and fell asleep in the middle of forest. A hungry wolf found him and was just about to make himself a dinner, when he saw a bear coming.
"Don't you dare to touch my dinner!" growled bear.
Wolf gnashed teeth and jumped onto bear. They were fighting al night long until they both killed each other.
In the morning rabbit wakes up with aching head and looks around and he sees dead wolf and dead bear nearby.
"Oh fuuuck" says rabbit "I must not drink that much."
>>52255367
If you're trying to shoot yourself in the face, then you push the trigger
>>52255278
Oh fug you were faster
My bad
>>52255378
BAM and the dirt is gone
>>52255395
You weren't talking about shooting yourself, you drunk fuck, you were talking about shooting niggers
>>52255168
Rudolf the red nose reindeer
>>52255411
It's pic from funnyjunk))))
>>52255411
Ok
>Look in the mirror
>See a nigger
>Push the trigger
a horse walks into a bar. LOL.
the bartender says: why the long face?
the horse does not respond because it is a horse. so, the horse, unable to understand or speak english, shit on the floor and leaves.
Guys from CA and NY are gay, and the Californian is the pants. The guy from NY has a baby from his cornhole and eats corn forever. God bless America.
>>52254839
Noice.
Is Valera really a guy's name though?
>>52255479
>God bless America
Is that a part of the joke, or the actual joke?
>>52255450
And... Then this bar was burned?
>>52255524
>Is joke, or ironic joke? Is threat? Don't understand.
>>52255517
Valeriy - Valera
Valeria - Lera
good shit
The Armenian Radio was asked "Is it true that in Romania--"
"Yes, it is"
>>52254605
>>52254565
>>52254545
>>52254527
>>52254518
>>52254488
>>52254462
>>52254437
>>52253925
That was one stupid bear! Pretty funny joke.
>>52255558
You're a funny guy Sully, I like you. That's why I'm going to kill you last
>>52255120
Because commie jokes are hilarious
>>52253008
Pole knows better than to serve the devil. For that his sins will be forgiven and be freed from the fires of hell.
>>52255647
That's Sylvester tho
Mama mama one boy from school said i am a fag!
Alex. did you accuse him to the teacher?
No, because he was sooo cute
I’ve spent the last four years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer, but no-one will do it.
Here's the stupid one Reagan always told
Gorbachev heads out to his car to get driven to the Kremlin. His driver is driving very slowly so he tells the guy to pull over so he can start driving. Due to his speed, he gets pulled over. When one of the cops returns to his partner not having issued a citation, the cop asks "Why didn't you give him a citation?", to which the other says "I don't know who it was, but he had Gorbachev driving him!"
This is not well told, sorry I am not AMerican
What do you call 4 men surrounded by 400 Maori's?
Prison wardens
>>52255647
I descend from Russians who fled to America to breed superfags like me. I'll rape your karate kid villain ass.
>>52253008
This hunter goes to the woods to hunt for this famous big bear and he brings a shotgun.
when he sees the bear, he fires and misses, the bear walks up to him and says "oi m8 thats too bad, ill give you the choice to either suck my bear dick or let me eat you" so the hunter obviously chooses to suck his bear dick.
The next day the hunter comes back with an even bigger gun, he again sees the bear, fires and misses again. So the bear walks up the him again and gives him the same choice, so the hunter goes on his knees again and sucks the bear dick empty.
the third day the hunter goes back to the woods again, this time with the biggest gun he could find.
For the third time he spots the bear, fires and misses, the bear walks up to him suspiciously and asks "i dont think you came here to hunt did you m8?"
sorry im really tired, i hope it made sense
>>52255766
>flag
how
>>52255766
hahahaha keep em coming
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods, when the pair stumble over a magic lamp. A genie appears. He says that he can't figure out who exactly touched the lamp first, so he will just grant both of them three wishes.
The bear insists that he go first.
For his first wish, he says, "I wish that all the bears in this forest, except for me, are female."
Poof, all the bears in the forest are female.
Rabbit's turn.
"I want a helmet," says the rabbit. Poof, he gets a little helmet.
Bear's turn again.
"If you can turn all the bears in this forest female...then I want all the bears in the country to be female too, except for me!" Poof. All the bears in the country are female, so he can have at them all.
Rabbit's turn.
"I want a scooter." Poof, he gets the scooter.
Final wish.
The bear says, "If you can turn all the bears in the country female...then I want all the bears in the world, but me, to be female!" He is the only male bear left in the world.
The rabbit says, "I wish that bear was gay" and scoots away.
>>52255776
It's a funny joke
>>52255766
Lol the joke is that semen goes into peoples mouths and not their butts.
A brazilian, an american and a portuguese crash land in the middle of the amazon rainforest and are promptly captured by cannibal indians.
The indians demand that they go in the forest and bring back some vegetable, otherwise they'll be killed and eaten on the spot.
They go and soon the american returns with some berries, then the indian leader tells him to stick them up his own ass, and if he laughs he dies. The american does it but then he laughs a little and is killed
Then comes the brazilian, he brought a couple of mandarins. Same process, stick them up his ass and die if he laughs. He painstakingly sticks the first one in, but as he's about to do the second one he glances back and starts laughing incontrollably. He is promptly killed.
In heaven the brazilian meets with the american and they discuss their last moments. The american starts by saying it was going well but then the berry burst as he was sticking it in and tickled his anus, so he laughed.
Then the brazilian said "the only reason I died is because I glanced back and saw the portuguese coming back with a pineapple and a melon".
>>52255739
>i'm descendant of weaklings who fled Motherland
I'll rip you apart whit boi.
>>52253560
Are you anti-Semite?
>>52255792
Now what would a rabbit want with a scooter?
>>52254172
Fucking yank
How do you get two jews into a fist-fight?
you throw a penny in between them
A Jamaican, a Russian, an American and a Mexican are on a raft heading down the river,
They realize that the raft is overweight, and they're going to have to get rid of some cargo, or it'll sink.
The Jamaican pulls out a huge bale of weed, and throws it overboard. Everyone else is shocked. The Jamaican shrugs and says "we have a lot of that in my country."
The water is still coming in, so the Russian takes a case of what appears to be Wild Turkey, and throws it over the side. Everyone else is stunned and dismayed. The Russian shrugs and says "we have a lot if it in my country."
The water is still coming in, and all eyes are on the American. He sighs and pushes the Mexican overboard.
>why the fuck did you do that
>we have a lot of those in my country
>>52255853
I am
>>52255813
Fucking. Dammit. Kek.
>>52255813
hahahahaaaaa
>>52255851
Motherland is just cold Africa, good luck with your AIDS from half priced muslim slaves
America is full of women stupid enough to have consensual sex and I dont even want that.
>>52255813
LOL
>>52255876
To get away from bears.
>>52255898
kek, good one.
Whats the difference between blacks and snow tires?
>snow tires don't sing when you put chains on them
>>52256065
What's the difference between boy scouts and Jews?
>Boy Scouts come back from camp
>>52255787
He's probably Belgian.
>>52256065
What's the difference between a dead deer in the road and a dead nigger in the road?
>The dead deer has skid marks I front of it.
An old mountaineer sits on the edge of precipice. A tourist walks by and approaches him out of curiosity. As he comes close he can hear the mountaineer murmurs:
"...122, 122, 122..."
"Hey grandpa, what do you count?" asks the tourist.
The mountaineer grabs the tourist's arm and drags him into the precipice. Then he starts to murmur again:
"...123, 123, 123..."
>>52256101
Pls explain.
>>52256065
What's the difference between a black man and a park bench?
>A park bench can support a family.
I remember I told this joke when I was still in high school, a teacher overheard it, and they made me apologize to the one black kid in our class.
What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
An avalanche.
What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
A mudslide.
What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill.
JAILBREAK
>>52256124
The number of people he's killed is what he's counting. This tourist is the next victim
>>52256135
I said that but with Mexicans and got sent to the principal's office in middle school
>>52256135
How do you starve a nigger?
>Hide the food stamps under his workbooks.
a man walks into a bar holding a piece of asphalt.
the man says: a beer please, and one for the road!
>>52256124
He raped him
>>52256178
You know why you never see any black people on cruise ships?
>they already fell for that trick once
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. "But doctor..." he says, "I am Pagliacci."
>>52256162
That's a little vague though.
>>52256178
I got a black man I my family tree
>he's hanging there to this day
>>52254111
nice trips, hueland
>Dumb jokes from stupid dego movies
Fucking pleb
>>52256254
Did you hear about Klu Klux Knievel?
He tried jumping 50 niggers with a steam roller!
>>52256291
What's the difference between a Nigger and a pot hole?
>you swerve to avoid a pot hole
What do you get when you mix a Puerto Rican with a black person?
>a Nigger to lazy to steal
>>52256291
How do you keep nigger kids from jumping on the bed?
>Put velcro on the ceiling
>>52254111
musi mute
>>52256367
What do you do when a Nigger throws a grenade at you?
>pull the pin and throw it back
>>52256198
A young mountaineer goes on his first redyk (sheep grazing) in the lifetime. On the third day he asks the oldest shepherd what is the secret of staying whole month in the mountains and without women. The grandpa shows him sheep on the grassland:
"There's no secret, my boy."
After few hours the youth can stand the pressure, so he comes to sheep, grabs one and do it, but in the middle of the intercourse he hears a burst of laughter and he sees all the old shepherds looking at him and laughing.
He leaves the sheep, all blushing: "b-but you told me..."
"Yes! Yes my boy! But why did you choose the ugliest one!"
>>52253008
Ukraine.
>>52256367
>end up with a bunch of scalped negroes running around and nasty gore stuck to your ceiling
You'll get AIDS fucking around with that stuff brah
So much racism itt
>>52256517
>>52256199
the real reason is funnier than the joke ;)
>poverty
>>52256547
All niggers must fucking hang
>Cruz 2016
>>52254111
ayyyy
>>52254725
this one is really good
did you hear the joke about the nigger that went to heaven?
Now you have.
>>52256396
A five year old black boy is playing in the kitchen while his grandmother is baking, and he accidentally spills a big bag of flour all over himself. He starts giggling, turns to his grandma and says, "Look! Look! I'm a little white boy."
"AW LAWD, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DID YOU JUST SAY?" she says and smacks him with a wooden spoon. "Go in the next room and tell your momma what you just told me. Now boy."
The little boy goes to find his mother. She says, "MY HEAVENS! What you do, DeOranjello?"
Tears in his eyes, he says, "Momma, I said 'look at me I'm a white boy..."
His momma throws him over her knee and whips his little bottom blue. "Now, go on git outside and get sister Uniqqua to rinse you up with the hose."
He goes outside to his sister, she sprays him clean with the hose. Momma calls them in for dinner and he starts walking away from the house. His momma comes outside fuming and calls after him, "Get in here for dinner? Where you goin'? What's wrong with you?"
"NO," he yells. "I was only white for two minutes and already hate niggers!"
A Paraguayan, a Colombian, a Peruvian and a Chilean are on a plane that's falling down.
In resignation, the Paraguayan rolls a joint and smokes it and throws the bag. Everyone yelled "Why'd you do that?!" - Because there's plenty in my country.
The Colombian takes out a bag of coke and sniffs a deep one and then throws the bag. Everyone asked "Why'd you throw it?!" - Because there's plenty in my country.
After a short silence, the Chilean takes the Colombian and the Peruvian and throws them away. The Paraguayan, scared, asks "Why'd you dp that?!" - Because there's plenty of them in my country.
>>52255092
A white kid meets a black kid with a turtle on a leash. The white kid says
-What a nice monkey. What's its name?
The black kid:
-That's not a monkey, that's a turtle
-Wasn't talking to you
A rooster woke up on Easter and saw all those painted, colorful eggs. So he went to the peacock and killed him.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GesFxg1R4K0
What separates humans from apes?
The Mediterranean Sea.
What do you feel when you see a black man through binoculars?
The recoil.
In the new south africa.:
What do you call a nigger in a tree? The branch manager
>>52257547
Is that what they call the guys who take over apartment buildings and extort the people in them for rent?
>>52257737
those are called building hijackers. happens mostly in hillbrow the festering butthole of the whole of africa. one of their traditions is chucking out apliances out of apartment buildings during new years eve. loads of people has been killed
>>52253768
>>52253925
xaxaxaxaxa :D
For guys who didn't get it:
In mid 00's there was a programm on a radio here in Russia, and on one day the topic theme was jokes. So a guy sent that joke and it was the only one that made the DJ lolz hard cause of its stupidity.
Its kind of B-rated humour, the kind I like.
>>52256369
sina o, toki! sina sona ala sona e toki musi ante? sina sona la mi wile kute e ni.
>>52257902
Hillbrow? Oh you mean Little Lagos
When will the xenophobia start again.
>think of a few jokes
>try to translate
>funny gone
Oh well.
Ėjo ežiukas miške. Ėmė ir numirė. Nebutų ėmęs, nebūtų numiręs.
Russian tier joke desu.
>>52255813
The version I heard had a slight difference.
The second to last guy had grapes and they wondered why he laughed when he used something so small.
>>52258321
What's short and lax?
A dwarf with diarrhea
>>52258697
"Doctor! Doctor! can i take a shower with diarrhea?"
"if the shit's enough..."
>>52253008
Two skyskrapers are sitting in the basement, crocheting heating oil.
Where is the error?
Bananas don't have a fishbone, actually.
>>52254222
It's mocking heritage fags, right?
>>52258839
The teacher asks Jaimito: ¿What's a cause of the divorce of our parent's today?
"Diarrhea" Says Jaimito
"What!? Explain yourself"
Well, last night i heard my mother scream to my dad: "If your shit's doesn't get hard tonight i'll divorce you"
>>52253008
durka durka mohamed jihad
>americans will pay to listen to this in movie theatres
A soldier is called for war but he doesn't want to go, so he leaves the army. Soon other soliders are looking for him, and he's running away. He sees a nun, and desperatly ask her to hide under her dress so they don't find him.
She hesitates, but hearing the soldiers, she tells him to hide. The soldiers pass by, don't find him and go another way.
He gets out of the nun's dress, and says "thank you very much, you saved me. If I can say, you have beautiful legs...". The nun replies "well if you looked up you would've seen two balls, I don't want to go to war either !"
>>52258992
"Doctor i've got a terrible diarrhea"
"Have you tried lemons?"
"Yes, but when i take them out it starts again"
Australian, Brit and American sitting at fancy restaurant. They've just finished their exquisite main course and are all looking rather satisfied.
The waiter of course darts over as quickly as possible and asks if they'd like to see the dessert menu.
The Australian responds: 'Fuck Off We're Full' much to the dismay of the eager American.
>>52253008
A Turk and a Doctor got build their new house next to each other.
Turk: Ha ha. My House is much more worth than yours.
Doctor: What are you talking about they are almost identical.
Turk: Well mine lies in neighbourhood of a Doctor and your is right next to a Turk.
„Do You speak English?”
„Prosím?”
„Do You speak English?”
„Prosím?”
„Hovoříte anglicky?”
„Yes!”
A countryman just turned 18 and, as a present, his mother allowed him to go to the city for the first time ever, but he should go with his dad. They both go to the city, and the father asks the countryman:
"Son, are you a virgin still?"
He answers "yeah".
"Alright then, let's go to a brothel".
So they go to a brothel, daddy gets a whore for himself and one for his son. When the countryman is in the room with the whore, she notices that he's kind of nervous, and tells him not to worry, that they'll have a good time together and he'll lose his virginity.
"No fucking way" says the countryman, "my mom told me that girls from the city have teeth on their pussy".
"Where the fuck did you get that from? Lemme show ya".
She takes off her clothes, lays on the bed, spreads her legs and says "see? There are no teeth, now let's get going".
And he says "well, certainly your pussy has no teeth, but your gums are fuckin' destroyed!"
-
What's the difference between a pizza and a jew?
The pizza doesn't scream when put in the oven.
-
A white man and a black man jump into the sea. Who sinks first?
The black man, because of the chains.
Two men are sitting in a plane.
One man asks his neighbour:
"Where are we?"
The man puts his hand out and says: "In Egypt."
"How do you know that?"
"It was hot and I touched the tip of the pyramid."
Two hours past and the man asks again: "Where are we?"
The man puts his hand out and says: "In France."
"How do you know that?"
"I touched the tip of the Eiffel Tower and my hand smells like parfum."
Another two hours passed and the man asks again: "Where are we?"
The man puts his hand out sand says: "In Poland"
"How do you know that?"
"My watch is gone".
>>52255378
Three Hunters talking to each other.
Hunter #1: Today I had bad luck, but yesterday I shot a moose bull.
Hunter #2: Thats just nothing. while I also had bad luck this today, yesterday I shot two bears.
Hunter #3: That's nothing, when I went hunting in the desert I shot 20 nomes.
Off course the other hunters didn't believe him so he took them out into the desert and they went wayting in his hideout. When suddenly there are running a bunch of mexican out of a hidden tunnel.
He shoots the first mexican and reloads.
All the others are lifting their arms shouting
"NO ME" "NO ME" "NO ME" "NO ME"
Guy walks into a bar and sees that the bartender is black. He says, "Hey nigger, pour me a drink". The bartender takes offence to this and tells the man, "how would you like it if I came into YOUR bar and acted racist?" to which the white man replied that he wouldn't care. They then decided to put it to a test, so the white man got behind the counter and the black man left the bar in order to come back inside. Upon entering, he saw the white man and told him, "Hey cracker, pour me a drink" to which the white man responds "Fuck off, there's no niggers allowed in here."
>>52259513
Kek'd.
>>52259513
What is a cracker?
>>52254637
EKE
>>52259626
Racist term for white people
>>52254744
It's sad and funny at the same time.
>>52258647
A hedgehog was walking through a forest. He went up and died. If he hadn't gone he would not have died.
See, makes no sense.
>>52255561
Russian nicknames such anyway.
-Sasha
-Dimka
it stupid...they habe nothing to do with their originals
>>52253008
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mN3z3eSVG7A
>>52254330
*g*
>>52259692
You can call me Cracker everytime, everyday.
Where is the insult in the word?
Or is it just the irony that there is no insult in either nigger or cracker. It's just oversensitiv pussies whining about muh racism, while there are other actually serious race issues that deserves much more attention ?
>>52253008
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are driving through the desert when they crash.
They realise they need to walk back to town through the desert and each decides to take one thing from the car.
The Englishman takes a large water bottle saying, "Now I can have a drink if I get thirsty."
The Scotsman takes an umbrella, saying, "Now I can keep cool by staying in the shade."
The Irishman takes the car door, much to the surprise of the Englishman and the Scotsman.
"Why did you take the door?" Asks the Englishman.
"Simple," says the Irishman. "If I get too hot I can just roll the window down."
>>52254839
BAЛEEEPAA
>>52259765
>Dim-ka -> Dmitriy
But I agree with talking on Sasha.
Alexander -> Sasha (-> Sash-ur-ik -> Shura/Shurik).
Why? That's tricky.
Also I like how Vsyevolod transforms to Syava.
