Sup /int/ first time poster here.
I've come here asking a favor of the residential israelis that post here. I am creating a short story about the holy land and I want to double check on what you guys think of my descriptions of your cities and the atmosphere it holds.
Here's a paragraph of what I've written about tel aviv in the perspective of a car passing through it.
The brothers stared at each other for a moment before Seth angerily ripped back round and put the car in drive and sped from the hotel entrance and onto the city street. Even at the early hour the city was alive and pulsing. Lines of brightly dressed men holding each others hands pranced on the sidewalks under the reaching palmtrees as they headed to the beach. A group of Christian tourists took selfies while waving Israeli flags as they stood infront of a new age synagogue. Muslim women in black burkas shied away from the pelting coffee cups and gargabe as they hurried to the entrance of the Hassen Bek. In shop windows and on building walls great banners were hung all saying 'Never forget 9/11. Never forget the tragedy in France. Remeber the six million.' All these sights came in a blended mess as Seth forged his away through red lights and light traffic in an effort to find the highway.
'Once the car hit the ramp Seth slammed down the pedal and they shot off like a careening bullet that weaved around tractor trailers and tourism vans. Brennan twisted in his seat and saw the stretching blue of the Mediterranean fade into an azure haze filtering in and out of the stretched city line that was melting into the horizon.'
Then as they leave the city limits.
'The terrain had changed to flatland and a hodgepodge mash of dilapidated hovels and clean white buildings bordered by chain linked fences covered the expanse of sandy dirt. Throughout these lands crops of palms and date trees checkered about in precise acre or two acre plots.'
For Jerusalem I've written this.
'Through the windshield the sight of broken edges of white stone hugging the rising and falling hills appeared and as they drew closer a golden dot shone within the mess of huddled concrete and razor-wire. In the sky black dots glided through the blue and watched all. The flatland gave way to chipped sidewalks and bearded men sitting on cheap lawn chairs sipping at dirty tea cups. Iron bars protected broken windows and police draped in blue clutched rifles and eyed those that wore burkas and long beards. Hasadics circled together and raised and felled their heads as they chanted ancient wishes and spells. Some of the orthodox Jews held chickens by their necks and goats by ropes. A group of hooded muslim women scurried and shrieked as laughing jewish children hurled rocks and bottles at their backs. Gaggles of christian tourists stood with fannypacks and clutched cameras and sight seeing pamphlets. Three black men dressed in dirtied robes clutched crumpled papers and ancient tomes above their heads as an angry mob screamed in their faces and snuck kicks to their legs.'
Any and all feedback would be nice. I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible.
>be American
>write fanfiction of Israel
>>51929919
It's actually part of a series of short stories that describes a series of events that lead up to global revolution in all western nations.
But hey call it what you will.
>>51929919
If you like I can post the short story based in australia to show it's not shit.
>>51929464
>Lines of brightly dressed men holding each others hands
just how gay are you to write something like this
>A group of Christian tourists
only tourists ive ever seen in israel are groups of teenage jew girls
and if christians are stupid enough to come here they would go to either jerusalem or nazareth which are both far from tel aviv
>Muslim women in black burkas
in the streets of modern tel aviv no
jaffa maybe
>Never forget 9/11. Never forget the tragedy in France. Remeber the six million.
dude who cares about 9/11 its been like 15 years already jeez
we laugh at france that was gay af
but yes the government and education system love to shove the 6 million down everyones throats at every opportunity
hope i helped
this is gay and incorrect
>>51929464
good goy
>>51931169
>just how gay are you to write something like this
I watched a doc on how fucking gay Israel is.
>in the streets of modern tel aviv no
Even to go to the mosque there?
>dude who cares about 9/11 its been like 15 years already jeez
The story takes place during holohoax remembrance day. Also the temple mount gets hit by a "dirty bomb" placed by "isis".
So essentially I'm trying to capture how hard you push false flags in order to instill an agenda and narrative.
>hope i helped
You have but what about the terrain and physical description of both cities is that correct?
>>51929464
>israeli fanfiction
good goy
>>51931248
>>51931385
wew laddy
>>51931232
Thanks for the constructive criticism.
>>51931371
there are no mosques in tel aviv why would pioneers voluntarily build mosques in a new city
>>51931657
>Hassen Bek
Why do I know more about Israel than a jew that lives there?
>>51931371
>Even to go to the mosque there?
no mosques in tel-aviv, in jaffa yes
tel-aviv is the modern jewish big city, very much like new york city and jaffa is a small shithole filled with filthy arabs next to tel-aviv
the terrain i cant help you with because you used faggot english with words that nobody understands anyways so why even use them faggot
>>51931371
>>51931371
>I watched a doc on how fucking gay Israel is.
Its a small country, tel Aviv is basically NY York and San Fransisco wrapped up in one city.
>So essentially I'm trying to capture how hard you push false flags in order to instill an agenda and narrative.
God your life must be really fucking boring.
>>51931731
that's not in Tel Aviv, moron
>>51931731
hassan bek is in jaffa you fucking retard
>>51931734
>no mosques in tel-aviv, in jaffa yes
What about Hassen Bek?
>faggot english with words that nobody understands anyways so why even use them faggot
How about this dialogue then?
Anger flashed on Seth's face and he spat out a flurry of scorn filled yiddish to his brother. “טאַטע האט געווארנט אונדז אַז הייַנט איז דער טאָג . באַרען דיין גוי און באַרען איר. צו גיין צו ירושלים וואָלט זיין צו יבערגעבן זעלבסטמאָרד!"
David shook his head and replied coolly in the tongue of molloch. “מיין פרייַנד דיזערווז צו זען די אלטע סייץ איידער זיי זענען ניטאָ. מיר האָבן מער ווי גענוג צייַט . און אויב איר רופן ברעננאַן אַ גוי איינער מער צייַט , איך וועט זאָגן פֿאָטער וועגן אַלע יענע קאַקס איר זויגן. אַזוי באַקומען דרייווינג שקלאַף איידער איך רייַסן די בריידז אַוועק דיין קאָפּ און שלאָגן דיין מיעס פּנים צו אַ פּאַפּ. איר דידזשענערייט .”
![[002216].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/2OiECTN.jpg "[002216].jpg")
>>51929464
>In shop windows and on building walls great banners were hung all saying 'Never forget 9/11. Never forget the tragedy in France. Remeber the six million.'
>asking favors to the jews
>>51931826
>>51931827
https://www.google.com/search?q=where+is+hassen+bek&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8
>also known as the Hasan Bey Mosque, is considered to be one of the most well-known mosques located in Jaffa, which is now part of the Tel Aviv-Yafo municipality in Israel.
It's part of Tel Aviv. But alright we are getting somewhere. Jaffa is a part of Tel Aviv. The shitty part I presume?
>>51929464
I lived in Israel for about 3 years.
This isn't accurate. It reads like a caricature of what /pol/ thinks TA looks like.
>Lines of brightly dressed men holding each others hands pranced on the sidewalks under the reaching palmtrees as they headed to the beach. A group of Christian tourists took selfies while waving Israeli flags as they stood infront of a new age synagogue. Muslim women in black burkas shied away from the pelting coffee cups and gargabe as they hurried to the entrance of the Hassen Bek. In shop windows and on building walls great banners were hung all saying 'Never forget 9/11. Never forget the tragedy in France. Remeber the six million.'
If it's supposed to be a parody, then sure.
The most charitable critique I can offer is that perhaps you are feeling the need to impress on the reader the state of affairs in TA. If so, you don't want to lay it so thickly. It comes off as forced and overdone. But I'd read more about the city if you believe the salient features are: Pilgrims, Holocaust, Muslims.
>>51931983
no, no it's not
don't teach me about my own country
there is literally no connection between Jaffa and TA except it's the same municipality
>>51929464
Literally first sentence.
>angerily
Stopped reading there.
>>51932013
>But I'd read more about the city if you believe the salient features are: Pilgrims, Holocaust, Muslims.
Honestly there really isn't much information that I can find.
That's why I'm here doing this shit.
Thank you though for the input and yes I'm purposefully laying it on thick.
>>51932070
Alright then what the fuck is Jaffa in conjecture to Tel Aviv?
From google maps it's right down the goddamn street from their downtown.
>>51932180
outskirts of the port in Jaffa
>>51931888
>spat out a flurry of scorn filled yiddish to his brother. “טאַטע האט געווארנט אונדז אַז הייַנט איז דער טאָג . באַרען דיין גוי און באַרען איר. צו גיין צו ירושלים וואָלט זיין צו יבערגעבן זעלבסטמאָרד!"
>Yiddish is the same language as Hebrew
>Yiddish being spoken in israel by non ultra-orthoddox Jews
Holy fuck, seek help
>>51932404
>not understanding that one if not both of them are ultra-orthoddox jew
wew laddy
>>51929464
>>51929507
Protip: don't try to "make it as realistic as possible" if you had never even set foot in there. At least go for a longer tour before you attempt to write about a place, your descriptions sound nothing like reality.
>>51932340
Ok thank you. I will fix that.
>>51929464
This was just bad
>>51932754
It's not even a finished rough copy that is also detached from context.
wew laddy
>>51932579
>actually thinking that religious jews use the internet
not even barely religious jews
