How many gears do French tanks have? Four in reverse and one forwards, in case they attack from the rear.
Why did it took Hitler 10 days to conquer France ?
it was raining
Switzerland and Macedonia challenged each other to a comedy competition.
They both lost
>>51446172
lel.
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.
MORE JOEKS
A true German is s blonde as Hitler, as tall as Goebbels and as slim as Göring
What do you call a Frenchman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A Referee.
>>51445763
What's Hitlers favorite TV show?
The Amazing Race.
Why is the slav pit in hell not guarded?
Because slavs hold back anybody trying to escape.
>>51446467
One day, Bulgarian man hear knock on door.
Man ask "Who is?"
"Is potato man, I come around to give free potato"
Man is very excite and opens door.
Is not potato man, is secret police.
>>51446531
BUT WHO WAS PHONE??
The Jew sued the Armenian. They were both acquitted, but the judge was hanged and the jury sent to forced labor.
Why do wogs wear gold chains?
To know when to stop shaving.
>>51446531
Another gem
Bulgarian comedian say “What deal with potato?"
Bulgarian crowd not laugh.
Comedian squint into darkness, to see audience.
There is no crowd. All die from malnourish.
>French surrender meme
Hitler had to main of kill 360,000 of them before they considered surrender
Switzerland just needs a USDOJ subpoena to surrender
A Bulgarian, an American and a Chinese are taking part of an experiment,
They are taken around the world blindfolded trying to guess where they are.
First they are taken to the USA, they waddle around blindfolded for 5 minutes beore the american declares that they are in 'murrica because he smells the freedom.
Than they are taken to China, a mere minute after leaving the vehicle the chink declares he can tell whey are in the glorious peoples republic because he can feel his lifespan shortening with every breath.
As they step at last on Bulgarian clay the Bulgar recognizes it, takes off the blindfold and chases after the gypsy that stole his watch.
Black lives matter.
>>51446746
How many Bulgarian is take screw in light bulb?
25. One screw in, 24 ride bicycle generator for 1-hour shift. But time probably better spend search food.
>>51446467
holy shit bulgaria.
>>51446671
We found the french'man'
>>51445763
Underrated post
>>51446867
>>51446671
Where can you find 66 million french jokes?
In France
>>51446940
Where can you find 6 million German jokes.
You can't.
>>51446940
kek
Q: What’s the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap?
A: The bucket
>>51446940
Wew lad
>>51447048
>>51446940
Today a burger and a mountain jew had their gf taken by frenchmen.
It was a good day.
>>51447092
>french take joke threads seriously
Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France?
They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"
>>51446531
>>51446636
Stop with reddit potato jokes
>>51447125
I did stop, but I didn't get them from reddit. I just googled Bulgarian jokes.
>>51445763
*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^
The Complete Military History of France
*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^
- Gallic Wars
Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]
- Hundred Years War
Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.
- Italian Wars
Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
-Thirty Years War
France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
- War of Revolution
Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.
- The Dutch War
Tied
- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
- War of the Spanish Succession
Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
- American Revolution
In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
- French Revolution
Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
- The Napoleonic Wars
Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
- The Franco-Prussian War
Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
>>51447092
it doesn't even make sense, we never had a famine, those are the irish/balt lads
I'm not sure if it's genuine night time /int/ ignorance or if I am being bantered for being from an irrelevant country americans can't be bothered to know jokes about.
>>51447214
>- French Revolution
>Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.
>>51445763
>>51447214
*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^
Part deux
*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^*~^
- World War I
Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
- World War II
Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
- War in Indochina
Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu
- Algerian Rebellion
Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.
- War on Terrorism
France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.
If I'm forgetting anything, let me know ;)
>>51447214
this is high tier banter
>>51447092
We're only having fun, friend. Don't take it so seriously.
What's the shortest book ever written?
French War Heroes.
>>51447488
I thought it was the Swiss Book of Ethics
>>51447731
>>51447731
Success breeds jealousy
what is macedonia best frenchship
his swisster
>>51447214
>>51447311
2004 called, they want their copypastas back
>>51449810
No one but the french actually understand the reference, because no one gives a fuck or knows about the anti french campaign that took place in the USA. Even the Americans don't remember it.
What can't tourists say about Paris now?
"It was a blast"
Still mad about
1505
5
0
5
(and 1798)
>>51450579
You invaded us in 1798 (because of the traitorous french in our ranks) but I don't recall anything happening in 1505.
>>51447305
>>51447214
>>51447311
This one is pretty rude, desu
>>51447214
Somebody needs to archive this.
>>51447311
Somebody needs to archive this.
>>51450676
it's a pasta from a shitty american website butthurt about the iraq war. OP being a faggot he didn't even state his sources
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/france.html
quite pathetic if you ask me
>>51450676
>>51450693
hi newfriend ;)
>>51450724
>they're not french fries
>they're freedom fries
my sides
>>51450724
Calm down, m8
>>51450782
desu it's even worse than the surrender jokes
>>51450813
making fun of freedom fries doesn't make any sense at all cause i only heard one person say it seriously and that was george w bush
look, i genuinely like your country, but in general, french people CANNOT take a joke about their country or language.
>>51446172
kek
>>51450724
-Norse invasions, 841-911.
After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years.
Andrew Ouellette posts this in response:
>1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-
Matt Davis posts this in response to Andrew Ouellette above:
Oh dear. We seem to have overlooked some basic facts. Firstly, Philip the First (1060 - 1108) was King of France at the time of the Norman invasion of 1066 - William was Duke of Normandy and, incidentally, directly descended from the Vikings. William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's".
Andrew is that you?
>>51450840
>i only heard one person say it seriously and that was george w bush
your whole congress voted for french fries to be renamed to freedom fries in the congress restaurant
french fries aren't even french, you dumb cunts
>>51450880
>unironically knowing more about the freedom fries thing about me
>unironically buttblasted about freedom fries over a decade later
How many frenchmen does it take to defend paris? No one knows its never happened before
>>51450871
>lol imma make up history facts and u gon be mad boy :D
As I said previously, that's petty banter, at least come up with something yourself instead of copy pasting some retarded american stuff
>>51450871
You seem to be a little butthurt, Hans... What, did a frog fugg the girl you wanted to ask out but never had the balls to do or something?
>>51450903
>unironically knowing less about your country than foreigner
>unironically defending his retarded representatives
>unironically retarded
>>51450923
Don't be upset m8. Old memes are deserve just as much love as the new ones.
>>51450950
>lol memes dont be mad :p
pathetic
>>51446592
Why are wogs actually pretty bad at soccer?
Because everytime they get a corner they open up a fruit shop.
Why is Italy the fastest country in the world?
Because everytime you turn around you see a day go.
>>51450940
no one is going to seriously defend the freedom fries thing, because we were joking about it the next day.
the next day i got freedom fries at lunch and the lunch lady asked me if i wanted freedom fries and started laughing about it.
stay ass blasted
>>51450997
JUST A PRANK BRO WE WERENT SERIOUS WE'RE NOT ACTUALLYRETARDED RI-RIGHT??
>>51451026
freedom toast
>>51447214
>Sainted
I believe the term is "canonized".
>>51451055
sainted is correct you idiot
>try to banter
>half your country's population speaks french as first language
can't make this shit up
>>51451264
So is canonized.
>>51450871
Why is Switzerland of all places trying to style on France?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Marignano
>William was, therefore, as alien to France as the experience of victory. Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. The mistaken belief that 1066 was a French victory leads to the Third Rule of French Warfare; "When incapable of any victory whatsoever - claim someone else's".
He was so Viking that he had a French name, spoke French and was a Catholic.
>>51451266
>he says in English
Anglos will always be top of the food chain
>>51451485
Poor choice of words, since Anglos are actually on the very bottom when it comes to cuisine.
>>51451360
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Marignano
We're not actually mad about this one. No doubt that we were a small poor mountain shithole for most of our history.
The fact that we forced a major power to go all out to defeat us and then offer to become our eternal ally is p. cool in my book. But maybe that's just me.
Swiss mercenaries continued to be prized and I think most of the French army was made of swiss plus other Germans anyway.
>He was so Viking that he had a French name, spoke French and was a Catholic.
The superior genetics made all the difference.
>>51445763
It's funny because Swiss tanks have none xD
>>51447214
>>51447311
>http://www.militaryfactory.com/battles/french_military_victories.asp
the buthurt is real in this thread
