How does time pass so quickly? I remember back when I was a child, when two hours seemed like a lot of time. Now years pass like months. The last year feels as if it was a few months ago. 2016? When did we even enter 2015? The older I get the quicker the time passes. How long until my hair turns gray, my face wrinkles, and climbing a flight of stairs seems like a lot of work to me? How long until I die? I kept telling myself that there is a lot of time for me to get my life in order, and yet another year has passed and I know the names of like 10 people from my entire class and have a GPA a little over 2 even though what I am studying is relatively easy. The last few years, every day I went to bed telling myself that maybe something nice would happen tomorrow, yet it never did; and I am slowly starting to accept that it never will, that my life will never get deus ex machina'd into a pleasurable one. I now know that the only person who has the power to change my life is me, and yet I probably lack the skill to change it, and certainly lack the courage to find out whether if I do or not. I try to hate and shame myself into doing so, but I can't bear to do it for long, because my own self is almost all I have.
Yesterday I told someone that I never left the campus and thus didn't know the public transport routes well. "So how do you get out when you do?", she asked me. I told her that she got it wrong, that I literally never left the campus I lived in, unless it was via a train ride to home. Do you see this? She was unable to comprehend the sentence "I never leave the campus." the way I meant it. The lives we the chan rats live is not only alien but incomprehensible to most people. We are not what a normal person describes as a "loner" or a "creep" or an "introvert", we are below it, we are on a level they don't know exists.
>>52908073
Can you see what an absurd mockery of men we have become? Our ancestors hunted and built and fought and invented for this? So that we could waste their investments in front of a computer screen, jerking off to Chinese cartoons? We are pathetic. It is not going to happen, Anon; no one will intervene, no one will pull you out of the shit life you are living, no one will call your name and save you from the dark; the only person who can change your pathetic self is you. I have been shitposting on chans for almost 6 years now, and I want anyone who has been stuck in this hell for some shorter time, to accept this. Save yourself while you still can, go out and talk to people, and try to change your life. I would too, but I am a coward. My name literally means "brave", yet I am afraid all the time, afraid of fucking up, afraid of embarassing myself, afraid of showing the world what a failure I am. Don't be me. I am still young, and yet I feel like an old done man, but without any wisdom or experiences a typical old done man might possess.
At this point I think my chances of dying without having a social circle or a woman to love me are higher than the chances of me dying with them. I mean, I am slowly starting to realize that the odds are not in my favor, and this terrifies me. I think I am done for good at this point; I predict that I will spend the rest of my life lonely, and that no one will remember me after I die.
>>52908097
To all of you underage faggots there, I know you exist, and please heed me. Your early adulthood is built on whatever infrastructure you build during your adolescence. Please don't be me. "Your time" isn't coming, it is already here, and you must use it as well as possible or you will spend your university life on the same abominable cesspit you are spending your highschool life now. I am not telling you never to visit this place; it can be quite fun, but never neglect your actual social life, because this place gets boring after a while.
I am sorry, but I just had to talk to someone. As you might have imagined, you are the only people I can talk to freely.
IM A CREEEEEEEP
IM A WEIRDOOOO
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?
I DONT BELONG HERE
>>52908073
>>52908097
>>52908147
I was an absolutely failed non-kiss virgin kid on high school yet managed to turn myself into a fairly decent (I would say even a little bit better) person on my early 19's.
I did change. You can change. Everyone can change. There are no shitty excuses to justify anything. Get yur shit together.
>>52908456
I don't have many excuses, really. I am just too lazy and craven to change anything, and feel like I have lost my chances already.
this is what turkposters deserve
>>52908879
You and me both bruv.
I know what I have to do, but I've fallen into despair. I don't have the mental willpower to pull myself from the hole I'm in, personality-wise.
I console myself that in death, I won't care because I won't exist. I look forward to merely not being in pain, because happiness is out of reach.
>>52909303
I am terrified of death, though. Particularly one that is caused by an illness.
Just be yourself brah
>>52909369
Chloroquine cocktail.
You go in your sleep without pain. But acquiring the ingredients may be difficult. I managed, cost me about $200 and wasn't entirely legal.
Pentobarbital is more straightforward, but may be tightly regulated. Tough to acquire in the US.
I didn't have the willpower to go through with it, but you should have options.
>>52908183
t. Chang Redditbosa
>>52909621
No no, it is not the pain that terrifies me, it is death itself.
>>52908073
Aaand it is 2016. I feel a little worse already, even though this year will probably be better than the last one, though you never know.
>>52909621
Please don't kill yourself it truly isn't the answer
>>52914082
I agree. No matter what we are all eventually going to die, anyway, so why bother? Death is so absolute, while life is full of possibilities; I mean, even the whole deus ex machina thing is theoretically possible.
>>52908879
>I am just too lazy and craven to change anything, and feel like I have lost my chances already
Story of my life. I had a good headstart at uni, but literally lost all motivation after the 1st semester and I don't have any friends or reason to get going again. I just want to sleep forever.
You're just doing the same shit. 2015 has felt like it has lasted forever for me, while the years before that seemed fast. I tried the most new things this year, and while I haven't figured it out yet, I still feel like this year was a contribution.
>>52915339
2015 was ok to me. Just not as big an improvement as I hoped.
