my life has been falling apart for so long now that motivation for anything of any kind is like a rare resource. i was fired yesterday and now i'm a NEET again with nothing but time. i stop any creative endevour the second it starts to feel like work. i'm losing interest in everything and now all of what occupies my time i am forcing myself to enjoy. even a competent initial level of performance can't get me to see anything to completion.
i have barely started or half finished drawings, piano pieces, programs, models, and media everywhere. i'm slowly turning into a barely sentient NPC, but my only desire in life was to be productive in the arts. at this point i just want to sleep for 16 hours a day. what can i do to enjoy the entire process of creating art, not just the end result? how can i get myself to enjoy simply drawing for the sake of drawing?
has anyone here clawed there way out of a hole?
>>2510870
Draw yourself dead. If you can't finish that, make it a sculpture by actually killing yourself.
i have barely started or half finished drawings, piano pieces, programs, models, and media everywhere.
focus on one thing?
set small goals, set bigger goals, etc.
>>2510870
Hey anon, do you have somewhere we could talk?
>>2510870
Do you exercise? Is your diet shit? I am guessing no and yes. These are the first things you should adress. Doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just start small and take a brisk walk every day and some situps and pushups a few times a week. If you're in really shitty shape everything that doesn't involve sitting or laying down will basically do magic things to you.
>>2510971
This.
Also get enough sleep, stop drinking coffee and if you drink milk, don't.
>>2511011
Why is milk bad?
I both know and have these exact same feels, OP.
Here is the first drawing I've done in about 10 years - though this was drawn last year.
I'm still clawing at everything, getting fit, moving out of NEET hell, getting a car, and becoming a rockstar . . .
I won't quit if you don't
>>2511014
I also want to know this
Milk is magic
Milk is life
>>2511011
the fuck is wrong with milk? you didn't suck on your mom's titties?
>>2510870
I had depression and I guess I still do to some extent. What dragged me out of the pit was actually art. The joy when I created something myself was when I felt alive again. Also exercise was a big help. The answer is to just do it and it will get better, nobody can help you better than yourself.
Sorry OP, you've already conditioned your mind to being a worthless piece of shit forever.
Just saying you want to change won't change how you make decisions.
You've programmed yourself to make bad decisions.
>>2511030
stupid dog!
get on anti-depressants asap then you'll be fine.
>>2510971
OP here, i'm nutritionally conscious and excercise daily. i have a bike route and do calisthetics. i'm fairly certain if i were ever to stop doing this it would be impossible to get anything started rather than just difficult.
>>2510870
I can't say I have felt cripplingly or chronic depression in my life but I have had moments where I felt worse than shit. I'm gonna try and give you some stuff that helped me a lot.
First off regarding art, understand it's a journey. You will never feel 100% satisfied with anything you do. But that's good it means you're willing to push yourself for better. I really recommend you look at the philosophies of Buddhism because it has a lot of answers for the artist.
Secondly, start journaling! Spend at most 15 minutes and just write whatever is on your mind. Especially if it's negative. Don't show anyone unless they're a therapist and they ask to see it. If you have a really shit day and feel like shitposting in 4chan, journal it and wait. It will be so much better for you.
Third, look into cognitive behavior therapy. CBT has a very high success rate and it's really fucking simple. Challenge your negative thoughts. If you think "God I'll never have be good at forms I should quite," ask yourself how do you know you'll never be good at them? Keep challenging your negative thoughts.
Fourth avoid wizardchan and /r9k/ like the plague. Misery loves company and visiting those places will make you worse. Instead hang out in places/with people you want to be like. Even /fit/ is more motivating.
Look, you clearly have the capacity to learn since you're typing in English which I know you weren't born with. Yes drawing is hard but so is learning English. I'm a jogger myself and used to hate it because I was so slow. By the end of my high school season I managed to drop 20 seconds off my time. That is a lot in track in field and I was just like you. Anon, you can do this it ain't gonna be easy but not being easy doesn't mean undoable. Just do it.
>>2510870
Holy shit OP, are you me? Seriously. I will have to read the replies to this thread later, now I'm off to sleep for 16 hours.
>>2512546
Do people actually have old embarrassing moments pop into their head while trying to sleep? I can't say that ever happened to me. If I can't sleep I might think of like death or how much I hate life or I might get anxiety over something coming up, but I never think back on the past really.
Why are you forcing yourself to be productive in the arts if you don't enjoy it?
>>2512548
Well, I have it all the time. Sometimes the memory is so vivid and overwhelming that I get a full blown panic attack. And it's usually about small stuff that I assume normal people wouldn't even remember.
My brain has a habit of replaying negative experiences over and over while happy memories, even recent ones, feel distant and clouded.
My best (terrible) trick for falling asleep without sleeping pills is to have the tv/laptop on (Bob Ross is the shit) while playing on my 3ds and browsing on my phone. That was I can distract my mind long enough to fall asleep without it noticing.
>>2510870
An NPC would just do the work without bitching about motivation. Your motivation should be avoiding the crippling feeling of worthlessness and self-loathing that you'll have lying in bed tonight for the thousandth time if you don't get anything done. Decide what you want or need to be doing, and then shut down that part of your brain. Treat that decision like an absolute, unmalleable order with no option but to do it.
Also, join LAS. You'll have to put in at least 30 minutes every day, which is a tiny amount to get started towards building better habits. You'll also have people laughing at you if you drop out, so it's an effective external motivator to keep going.
>>2510929
was this supposed to be funny or edgy?
>>2510870
>has anyone here clawed there way out of a hole?
Diagnosed Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder here. I've taken a lot of meds (over a dozen combinations), seen therapists, psychiatrists, etc. since I first sought help 5 years ago. A lot of what you wrote describes my past pretty well.
If I could go back and give myself one piece of advice it'd be to be mindful of your thoughts and where they lead you, and recognize you can change them. >>2512534 Is spot on about a lot of things that have helped me (Buddhism, which is composed of a lot of beliefs and practices, but mindfulness has been the most helpful, journaling, and CBT), but I really don't want to list out the particulars of what has worked for me.
A lot of the problems I had (and still have) came from distorted thinking that's very hard to recognize when you're drowning in it. You can learn to recognize thinking that gets you nowhere, how to distance yourself from it so it's not so painful, how to analyze and really -know- they're just passing thoughts, and finally how to cultivate thinking that helps you.
A lot of my thinking was just bullshit, and I'm guessing a lot of yours is too. That doesn't mean you are bullshit. They're just thoughts, they pass, and you can nurture better ones.
>>2511082
>hur dur pills are for shills
but this anon is right. i believed the above until falling so deep that i nearly did try killing myself. get on medication asap.
I love this thread.
I see a lot of artists trying to cope with their depression through art and drawing but some of us just can't do it and it honestly really confuses me.
>>2511049
There are people that argue that you shouldn't drink milk after you're a baby, like cow's milk is made to support baby cow's not humans.
>>2512828
Not OP, but been a neet with major depression, bpd, emetophobia and anxiety disorder (a lot of shit and it sucks) and I've been struggling with wanting to draw, feeling good about drawing and negative thoughts and feelings, sometimes out of nowhere, for 5 years now. Just wanted to say that you gave me hope to get out of this, thanks buddy
>>2512828
This is true, I was in a similar situation years ago (and still am to a degree). The best thing you can do is just pay attention to what's going on in your mind and optimize it. Get into meditation, buddhism, stoicism, greek philosophy, there's a lot of great information out there just on how to have a healthy mindset.
You really just need to get into the habit of managing what's going on in your head. It's one of the most important things you can do, but it just never gets taught to people. You go on just thinking in a reactionary manner, which just ends up with your brain being pulled along in whichever direction experience takes you. You need to actively cultivate a positive state of mind based on strong ideals. Virtues, the responsibility of self-respect, humbleness, ego, the passions (shitty moods), objective views of suffering and pleasure, recognition of animal impulses, over-worrying and anxiety, there's tons of shit you really need to be aware of how to deal with. No self-victimizing or wallowing in negativity.
It's difficult when you're in the thick of things and everything is shit, and you're so miserable you could just sit there and not give a fuck while it all falls apart, but you can get through it, you just get started and you keep pushing that momentum forward until you don't want to stop. Cognitive momentum is also something you should be aware of, because it's related to procrastination, but that's another thing I guess. What you want to do is very momentum driven, things get built up or they wind down when you let off them. That's why it's hard to get something started, or get it going again once you start to fall off. Just need to keep pushing yourself forward.
Exercise and a healthy diet is never bad either. Cardio will help balance out your hormones, a run is the best immediate thing you can do for depression.
>>2517221
same
