How do I get better at socializing? Are there any guides/routines to conquering social anxiety?
Harden the fuck up x F
>>36039733
Act like you don't give a shit, also don't be needy.
That actually works for me.
>>36039751
>>36039768
This just drives people away
You conquer social anxiety by having success socializing.
But since you're shit at it, don't expect to have success. If you put yourself out there people with high levels of social skills will pick up on your lack of skills and take advantage of you and make fun of you, which will just reinforce your preconceived ideas of what it's like to socialize based on your past experiences.
The only way to really to do is to get into therapy and join group-sessions with people at your level of social ability and slowly work you way up. You need to socially dominate a group of autists first, then you can move up into the next level, say going out to the local supermarket, then shopping center, then maybe a club or family-friendly event, then after that maybe a pub, then after that you can finally start going out into the deep end with all the sharks.
If you go straight into the deep end with the social sharks like the guy above me is saying by saying "harden the fuck up x F" expect to get eaten alive.
>>36039807
>going out to the local supermarket, then shopping center, then maybe a club or family-friendly event, then after that maybe a pub
What would I do at those places once I conquer the autists? It's not very clear from your post.
>>36039790
I experience the opposite, then again lately i been developing this 'security' around myself were i act like i know what i'm doing and people engage me.
I re-started college and i'm probably one of the oldest on my class and i've been taking advantage of knowing how college works and i participate in class a lot more than i ever did.
I never acted like this but its 'attracting' people towards me.
And i'm a chubby faggot on a cut.
Youtube RSD Todd
Also read a few books on the subject.
therapy is good too
youll make it.
>>36039875
Then again, i will like to add that i have never been shy about interacting with people, i just never went out of my way towards it.
>>36039807
>going out to the local supermarket, then shopping center
Lmao what? Going shopping is not moving up a level
Join a martial art You get to meet new people who you train and bond with while developing the techniques to defend yourself. I reccomend boxing, muay thai, Brazilian jujitsu, or judo.
>>36039733
Rejection therapy until you become a honey badger.
If you say something stupid, just laugh it off like it's a joke.
Also, have empathy and listen to people for the sake of understanding rather than replying.
>>36039838
i think he meant like
call everyone saying this
"attention everyone im going to say something"
"i want to be your friend, if you dont want to, youre stupid"
>>36039927
Why are twose two faggots dressed like animu characters?
>>36039935
What is rejection therapy and how does it work?
>>36039935
>rejection therapy
sounds like cuck therapy to me
>>36039961
because it takes place at the birthplace of anime anon
>>36039990
Nanking?
>>36039790
> he doesn't know what harden the fuck up means
>>36039733
Stop thinking about yourself when you talk to people. Whenever you're in a conversation, instead of thinking about what to say next or how awkward you are, try to find something you like about the person and smile a bit. The smile will make you feel happier/more comfortable, and it's not hard to find one thing you admire about a person and if you act like you like them it will show through.
I used to be awkward because I was always comparing myself to other people, or thinking about myself in relation to them. When I truly started thinking about them, I started making way more friends.
>>36039733
You don't. I'm sorry bro, some of us just should have died young, but we find out to late that the world doesn't want us here. It has taken me a long time to accept that, it will for you as well. I'm truly sorry.
i work at a high end restaurant in a big city as a server. i've served at super trendy places here as well. i get along with my tables so well that often times they'll leave me their numbers, invite me to hang out after, or add me on facebook. i've even served A-list celebrities. it's a great time + good tips.
HOWEVER, a few years ago in my early 20s i was fat and had bad social anxiety. feeling ashamed to talk to even a cashier at a grocery store. i didn't have friends. i didn't talk to anyone. i was a sad bore.
so i've obviously come a lot way since then, i'm fit, happy, have actual friends and feel confident about ANY social interaction. it's my livelihood for gods sake.
take care of yourself first and foremost. build your confidence with discipline. lifting, eating right, being clean, somewhat /fa/, having pride in yourself. the better you take care of yourself, the more it shows to others. they will respond positively to you even before you speak, which will burst your confidence in every conversation. this is the first step. it is very important.
2. be interesting by being passionate about something. bonus points if it's something that can benefit others. (for me it involves film)
3. practice talking to EVERYONE. strangers. if you fuck up or say something embarrassing just laugh it off and move on. next time don't make that same mistake and it will happen less and less. being afraid to look stupid will paralyze you.
download the book "how to make friends and influence people". overall it says to pay attention to people. take the focus off of yourself. ask them questions and be generally positive and encouraging when they talk about what they like or what they want to do. tease them in a goodnatured way. compliment them too in a genuine way. be perceptive.
try different stuff with different people until you find the right formula. watch interviews of people you admire on youtube and study their personalities. then mash them all into your own
>>36040154
This.
We're literally the pawns of the spawns that should have partaken in WW3 that never happened.
And now with conscription basically being removed from all 1st world countries its basically never gona happen.
>>36039935
>if you say something stupid, just laugh it off like it's a joke
oh i'm the one who typed out a huge thing but that was one of my points too. srsly OP it's not a big deal
also don't listen to anyone who tells you not to try or that it's fate wtf
Themore you go out and talk to people the better you get at socializing. There are tons of resources on PUA and social engineering, but non of that shit will help you unless you're out talking to more people. It's a muscle, just like everything else. Anyone can become a slickster, just force yourself.
I had a friend who got a sales job in high school for a little extra cash, his social skills are so on point because he was talking to people all day trying to sell them shit.
>>36039961
cuz asian
>>36040049
holy shit that is a dark joke
Make people want to be around you. Complement them, be nice and positive. You'll hang out with them more and get practice in.
Books like How to Win Friends and Influence People, or The Machiavellian's guide to charm are alright starting points.
But in addition to reading/watching videos what you really need is practice. For starters try joining an online chat group thing like a discord group about something you're interested in. A low-pressure environment where you can practice starting conversations, cracking jokes, relating to other people.
The gist of being good at socializing is ACTUALLY LISTENING to what other people say, gauging how they feel, and making them feel better for having talked to you. That does not mean agree with everything they say or always compliment them. But, if you do agree with them on something, feel free to say so.
Another thing you want to keep in mind is how to keep your relationship going. Once you work your way up to having an active social life this will be easier. Have parties and events you can invite people to, places you want to check out, etc.
>>36039733
My problem is not that I don't know how to socialize, its that I have nothing to socialize around. I literally have nothing of value to contribute to a conversation except for shitty jokes, bitterness, envy and a clear lack of empathy.
>>36044614
same.
Same way as lifting, practice at least three times per week.
Get a job at a (non-chain) restaurant bussing tables or something, easiest way to interact with normies.
>>36044466
>>36040274
>>36039733
OP, these guys are hitting it. I have social anxiety and I've been attacking it for last year or two.
My advice is to focus on other people and don't talk too much about yourself, people will like or dislike based on how you make them feel.
Improve yourself in all areas of your life, but remember, human is a social creature and what will trully make you happy are genuine relationships with other people.
>>36044614
It's ok, you're not alone
>>36039807
Agreed
>>36039927
I tried this and my mind kept blanking because of anxiety and I kept forgetting and fucking up a simple sequence of moves and made a complete fool of myself. I never went back.
>>36044614
>>36044645
>>36044691
I used to be just like you maybe 5 years ago. After reading self-help psychology books (and Three Minute Therapy which I yet have to finish but practice daily) I now see how delusional you people seem.
Get help.
>>36040274
>be interesting by being passionate about something.
How do you become passionate about something though? Pretty much everything for me is a thankless task. I don't even enjoy playing video games.
>>36044739
Well of course you wont be good at social interaction if you keep avoiding it completely. When new guys come into a gym do you honestly think people are thinking "what a fucking retard he cant even do something so simple"? Pro tip they arent they just want to help you get better.
>>36040049
underrated post
>girl wants a date to some theatre show
>posts on fb
I don't really even know her because fb friends kek... But is reaching out too much of a stretch? I don't want to be a tryhard anymore with grills. Btw the show is $50
>>36045620
Don't pay for her.Otherwise she's using you.
>>36039733
Get a job or some position that requires you to be social.
I was autism, then got a job in a hospital, now no more autism.
>>36044614
Experience the world so you can start telling stories and learn how to tell those stories in an engaging way
>>36045663
I assume she already has a ticket. The $50 is just so I'd be able to go.
>>36045690
I mean if you don't mind paying 50 bucks sure.Hit her up.It might be out of the blue if you guys don't talk much but go for it.
>>36045620
>went with a girl on a theatre date
>some faggy hipsters were playing a bunch of classical music covers for free
>tuned in and enjoyed the show with her, was a pretty decent gig
>afterwards she gets all bubbly and joyful
>end up fingering her on the second floor of a coffee shop
If money isnt much of a problem you shouldn't hesitate
>>36039751
I already have coriasis.
>>36039807
Lol what the fuck are you talking about
>>36039733
Meditation. Your ego is the issue, it works against you by making you constantly babysit the little shit, like it's important, like it's fragile and might get hurt if it isn't validated and accepted. It's a cancer killing your enjoyment of life. Meditation helps you root it out and make it your bitch. Then you'll feel fine around others because you'll find that with your ego in check their thoughts can't affect you in the slightest.
Read How To Make Friends And Influence People.
I used to be a full time NEET and spaghetti spiller, but I've been working a lot on being more socially functional over the past 4 years while in college.
if I'm in a setting I'm mentally prepared to be social in, like going to a job interview/meeting or a party, I am I'm very social and not awkward at all. if its an unprepared situation like seeing someone while walking somewhere on campus or at the grocery or something, I become super awkward and stumble over my words and thoughts.
how do I get better at this? not sure how much practice is going to help because it doesn't seem to be improving, are there techniques to help? I tend to focus on things like eye contact and posture and don't focus on my thoughts and words
>>36039733
you need to practice socializing to get better at it.
>>36044761
They just need mental gains.
BECOME KNOWLEDGEABLE.
LEARN.
READ.
GET HOBBIES.
Then you have stuff to talk about.
>>36040274
Totally agree, senpai.
Actively work on becoming a better person. Work out, read about stuff that interest you, form your own identity. Become comfortable with yourself, be proud of yourself. When you reach that point, you're indestructible, and who cares what other people think. Other people notice this in you, and respect you for it.
Difficulty with social situations is almost always a giveaway that you are not very comfortable with yourself. The fix isn't to work on socializing (though it doesn't hurt), the fix is to work on yourself.
Of course practising is going to make one hell of a difference, too.
>>36040274
You made it breh.
>>36040074
Underrated
>>36044614
fake it till you make it
>>36039807
truuu
>>36040154
Wew lad. That one hit home.
