/Fit/, what is your opinion on emotional attachment to the opposite gender? I feel I become "absorbed" too easily and end up suffering because of it. Do you think we as men should just not give a fuck, other than actually fuck them and move on, or is it worth it to get to deeper levels with them? How do you gauge if a female is worth the actual emotional investment? I am about to jump the fence and become a pussyslayer instead because I am quite done being fucked with. It actually would go against the beliefs I have been holding on to for the last years but I simply do not care anymore, I want to stop feeling like shit. Could elaborate if anyone cares but I think my personal story is not that relevant.
My goal is to be able to have sex and move on to other girls. I really have no desire to be in a relationship. However, I'm too autistic and unattractive to make this work on a regular basis.
>>35378631
OP here. My problem with this mentality always has been that I believe that when live is over judgement will be passed upon us. I am not religious at all but I do believe the universe is a wise place and will put us where we deserve. I feel that that way of life while it might be good for oneself, will leave a lot of negative fallout for others. I try to be good in a general sense and act out of a noble place in my heart. Maybe I should stop reading Marcus Aurelius's Meditations and start partying and doing drugs again while maintaining my lifting and sporting heavy lifestyle I acquired over the last months.
>>35378605
The key is to find someone who complements you, not completes you
When you start seeing women as filling some emotional hole, you become dependent, and then it goes wrong
>>35378747
And that is my issue my friend, I have been truly struggling with this for a long long time. Even though I am quite OK by general standards, I have a very low self-esteem and this taints everything I do, specially when it comes to females. How do I achieve the state of mind where so I can find what you describe? How did you do that?
>>35378605
read the book of pook
>>35378605
>>35378733
Just suck some dicks faggot
>>35378810
Is this actually worth my time? Could you please elaborate a bit further? My schedule is extremely packed and I do not like to waste my time on nonesense.
>>35378605
I've been together with my current gf for a year now and it's incredible. I didn't even know girls like her existed. that relationship has completely shifted my whole perspective on life, my goals, myself, and is probably the most enlightening thing that has ever happened to me.
fucking girls is nice and can make you feel good in the short term, and you should definitely do it for some time because else you will miss it when you're in a relationship. but start looking for a "good" girl. what you want is someone who's emotionally stable. beware of too hot girls because they have massive issues and will break you in the long run.
when you've found the perfect girl it's not a "opposite gender" or "sex" or "girlfriend/boyfriend" thing anymore. It's a "we" thing. Suddenly you understand why people have chosen to "throw their life away" to marry and get kids for thousands of years, and why it's probably the most rewarding thing in the whole world and the best long-term investment you can make in your life, while everything else will gradually wear off.
also, one more thing: you can have the same experience just by looking for really good long-term friends. but there's the chance that they will fall in love and leave you for their wife and kids in the end, so a wife is the safer bet.
just my $0.02
>>35378605
feeling the same way OP everytime i meet a girl that comes close to what i consider a perfect fit for me, i try my best to get her, but when she lets me down, i cry like a little bitch for days
i feel exactly the same way OP, i know that if i change my mindset i can easily slay everything in my path and be done with, since i got the looks and game, but there's always this feeling that i will surely end up hurting someone and i just can't seem to shake it off. this feeling is the only reason i have not yet fucked my engaged coworker, for example.
>>35378821
if only it were that easy
>>35378605
I first experienced this on christmas eve, literally went and picked a girl up, took her back to my place, pointed upstairs to my room barely saying anything, fucked her, have barely spoken to her since, funny thing is she said i was too good
First time ive ever really fucked a girl without emotional attachment or caring what she thinks, turned out better then expected, shit was cash
10/10 will do again, possibly tomorrow
>>35378747
>The key is to find someone who complements you, not completes you
yet every girl out there will tell you
>oh anon, i want a guy that completes me
why is that though
>>35378747
Some rare wisdom
Instead of running around sayin le fuq women, put that effort into progressing as a person. Then, no one will be needed to complete you, for you have completed yourself.
>>35378778
you need to resolve whatever insecurity you have (i dont know what that is - but it's probably body image related). the most obvious way to do this is to get in shape
my other advice is to DO things with your life, just do things. basically anything but TV and internet, it could be reading, playing music, hanging out with friends, but i'd advise to do something creative like writing or drawing - you probably suck like most people who dont do it (like I did), but just do it anyway and try and enjoy it without being critical of yourself
this is a great way of practicing not being critical of yourself
also, i do not think book of pook is worth it
every single fucking ounce of "pick up" stuff can be supplanted by one line: "love yourself"
because once you do, you are then confident in your interactions with women, and you dont "put pussy on a pedestal" or all the other shit books like Pook tell you. the stupid thing about those books is that it's fucking useless to tell someone "stop putting pussy on a pedestal". you cant just do that, spontaneously - that's like saying "stop caring about your ex", you cant just fucking magically stop doing that - you need to do stuff which creates the mindset which stops putting pussy on a pedestal (which none of these books tell you because they're written by immature retards and so they dont understand this)
id also highly recommend journalling, and meditation - "finding peace in a frantic world" is a great book
all of this is how i transformed my life through coccoon mode after my oneitis broke up with me
>>35378854
The problem with this is, how the hell do you find "the" girl? I thought I found "the" girl a few times already but I just ended up hurt in the end. My last long term relationship we even lived together for 2,5 years and still shipwrecked in the end. People change so quick and people are so self-absorbed these days that I feel that having this "old-school" mentality of being together is nothing but a thing laid away for a select few who are lucky enough to actually find the right person. Which in my opinion and from my experience is extremely fucking hard these days, considering how we live our lives.
>>35378747
>The key is to find someone who complements you, not completes you
This
You don't need a girl or a guy to be the last piece of puzzle for your sorry ass soul, instead, find someone who is fun to be around and not someone that wants to be around you for fun
>>35378906
> that's like saying "stop caring about your ex", you cant just fucking magically stop doing that
But you can anon, it's literally your choice to decide whether you want to be thinking about that stuff, or not. Easy as that mang.
>>35378912
> that I feel that having this "old-school" mentality of being together is nothing but a thing laid away for a select few
I hear ya
>>35378906
Thank you friend and for the last months I have been living the way you speak of. I signed up for the gym and I am going religiously 4 days a week. I eat clean as a motherfucker, like I have had one cheat meal in the last month and a half. I already play an instrument and I am trying to learn another one. Yet I just still feel like I am worthless, I still compare myself to others and I still can not manage to find true love for myself for some fucking reason and it is really driving me insane. Tears dropping just writing this fucking hell man I really don't know how to proceed. Is it a matter of time you think?
>>35378941
> Tears dropping just writing this fucking hell man I really don't know how to proceed. Is it a matter of time you think?
maybe, my friend, you're the kind of people that are happy with themselves, yet see their job in making other people happy
>>35378912
i really don't know. it was pure chance in my case. I knew the girl since my first day at uni and always thought she was "cool". when she came back from a year abroad in france, i invited her over and found out that she was actually an interesting personality, but also very down-to-earth, intelligent and not crazy.
I think a good way to start is to lower your standards look-wise. My gf is a 6 and I'm an 8-9. If I looked for 8-9 girls, I probably would've ended up with some emotionally instable crybaby that didn't know what she wanted.
Another very important thing: you don't find "the perfect girl", you make her. by spending time together. so look for someone that you feel comfortable around and spend a lot of time with her. shared memories create an intense bond that will make you perfect for each other, because you share part of yourself and receive part of them.
>>35378941
coocoon mode is a troll.
if you are like me (and most other people around here), your unhappiness stems from your high expectations coupled with your inability to leave your comfort zone. this is the reason why you try to "become better", so when the going gets tough, you are your best self. that's bullshit. coocoon mode is the ultimate comfort zone and will make you a lot weaker in the end. true happiness lies in close bonds with friends or a girl. you don't find friends or a girl by being alone. you also don't need many friends, or cool friends, just people that allow you to be your true self and that make life interesting and fun.
fuck coocoon mode.
>>35378979
this
so
fucking much
>>35378947
This resonates with me. I am actually going to consider volunteering abroad somewhere and see if I can find some peace of mind in that. It will be a step in the right direction either way.
>>35378979
>your unhappiness stems from your high expectations coupled with your inability to leave your comfort zone
This is something a lot, a whole lot, of people, especially girls, should know.
Step out of your comfort zone bitches and risk something to get happy.
>>35378993
you and me both buddy. some people tend to say
>oh you should first be happy with yourself then strive for a relationship
bull fucking shit
if you like making other people happy and in return are happy yourself, so fucking what? thats how you are, just do it
>>35378979
What do you consider a good way to make new friends at age 26? I have been living in this town for around 10 years now but only have like 3 "friends" that I see a time or two every few weeks. I have been isolated due to personal issues and just started actually leaving the house and going to the gym a few months ago, it took a lot of courage but now I do it with pleasure.
>>35379027
so? you have 3 friends and? those are YOUR friends anon, even if you see each other just every other week, those are people that know you
>>35379042
They "know" me, but they do not know the struggles that I face with myself. They know my persona I put on when I go out with them and have some fun. However sad it might sound I have not spoken to anyone about all this at all.
>>35378827
Well you're posting so I'd imagine you'd have time to read
>>35379058
why not?
>>35379064
I do have time to read of course. I just want to know what you got out of it personally and if it resonates with me I will give it a go. But if it comes down to "self-love" like another anon posted, then I might as well pass it I guess.
What is up with you people sometimes?
>m-muh cocoon
>i-i don't want to make a leap of faith
>i-i'll stay in my comfort zone
Fucking christ you make me made. Risk and reward you faggots, nothing comes from nothing, fucking, just DO IT be it a girl or a boy or some new friends or just taking a shit with the door open for once in your life
You won't experience any of that if you don't risk something, even if you're let down after a relationship, so fucking what? There's no guarantee that you won't get hurt again, but to be happy again, you've got to take that risk or always stay in your small shitty "cocoon mode".
>>35379027
if those 3 people are cool, then do something with them. take a vacation, go hiking, go to bars, spend time with them. a good friend isn't someone who steps into your life and you're like "WHOAH" - often a good friendship needs to grow. just make sure that you value the same things, that you are looking for the same thing in life, else all the effort is for naught.
that being said, there's three good sources: work, friends, hobbies.
the best way to meet someone new is to have something in common. work is a good starting point. work could also be uni - i know most of my friends from uni. if you aren't in uni and the people at your workplace suck, try a new hobby. different hobbies attract different people. find a club that does something and become a member. make good connections. third way is to stick around your friends and always introduce everyone to everyone, including yourself to your friends' friends. be forward and ask them to do something fun in the future that you could both enjoy.
and, most importantly: always - ALWAYS - be yourself. become comfortable with being yourself. many people will not like you. but that's good. that's sorting out the people who shouldn't become your friends because spending time with them is a waste of time. the people that still like you when you are yourself, those are the people you should spend time on.
>>35379073
I fear exposing my issues to others without anonimity. I have opened up in the past to someone and this very same person who was very dear to me abused the hell out of that. It left me very hurt and I told myself I would never give anyone else those weapons to use against me.
>>35379111
>often a good friendship needs to grow
Also relationships / love
>>35379125
Read >>35379106
Some time down the road you're gonna get hurt again and again, you have no control over that, but, you have to go on, because there is so much more than just being hurt out there, so much more friendship and love out there that people can give you and for that you have to just get out of your comfort zone.
you /r9k/ faggots are the absolute worst.
>>35378605
http://thewisesloth.com/blog-index/#zzzzz1
http://thewisesloth.com/2015/02/16/characteristics-to-look-for-in-a-long-term-romantic-partner/
http://thewisesloth.com/2013/10/17/an-intervention-with-the-modern-woman/
>>35379111
The thing is these 3 friends still live a life that I do not want for myself anymore (videogaming etc) but I still love them because they have always been kind to me.
I will follow your advice and see if I can sign up to some kind of sports club, or maybe find some people to jam some music with one way or another. I need to broaden my horizons so hopefully one of these days I can find myself again.
Thank you friend, I do not know your name but I can tell you have a kind soul.
I will re-read and re-read your advice and take it to heart, and I sincerely hope the universe repays you in abundance with whatever you need for the positivity you are transmitting to me.
>>35379106
this guy speaks the truth, change your attitude guys
>>35379064
OP here, I have been reading a bit and am actually liking it so far. I do not agree with everything in there but there are few good things to get out of it. Thanks for the tip.
>>35378605
How do you guys not get oneitis? Everything in my life is good, i have good friends, work out a lot, school is good and i travel a lot but i still get so attached to any girl i come close to
I don't really want a girlfriend because it's so much work, hassle and commitment. I also don't feel compatible with anyone I meet and hence never even bother asking them out. Not out of anxiety, but because I genuinely don't see a point.
At the same time I feel like I might be missing out by never having relationships anymore.
Anyone feel the same way and/or have some words of wisdom to share?
>>35380736
>i still get so attached to any girl i come close to
fucking
this
it's so fucking painful
I guess we're just like that bro
>tfw happy making gains while single
>wouldnt mind gf, but afraid it would wreck my current lifestyle
I think im better off being single till I hit my fitness goals.
