Last thread 404'd edition
This is the go-to place to discuss (and produce) erotic fiction of all types, from the fap-and-go fics to porn with a substantial plot. Drawfags are also welcome- illustrated stories are the best ones! For drawing requests also check out the /d/raw thread:
https://boards.4chan.org/d/catalog#s=/d/raw
Writefags, consider pastebin/titanpad rather than dumping for your stories. You can also use 1d4chan for /tg/-related smut
You are advised to tag your stories so that people know what they're looking at. This will attract more feedback from people interested in the themes you're exploring. Consider quoting the OP when delivering. This will make it easier to find (and critique!) the new stories in a thread.
People appreciate it a lot when you give them constructive feedback and criticism, so make sure to do so. We thrive on it. Don't be afraid to speak your mind about a story that caught your attention. This will help everyone in the long run.
Requests are encouraged to promote a steady flow of new content.There's nothing like a good request to get the creative juices flowing. Try to expand your ideas - a bare-bones request doesn't give us much of a good idea as to what you want. Have fun with it! Keep in mind that it might take some time to get to yours, and each writefag is interested in different kinds of things.
Remember to post pictures when possible to keep the thread alive, but keep image dumps to a minimum so that more OC can be posted.
Master smut lists:
http://1d4chan.org/wiki//tg/%27s_Smut_Index
https://titanpad.com/v7k2vcJRS8
Requests Document Database (feel free to add your requests to this when you post them in the thread!):
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nyDKegfYhIvlv7ZvGoxswIVkiG5lw1lrOeDFvZbw_WU/edit?pli=1
Our unofficial gathering:
http://flockmod.com/tgwst
Previous Thread: >>6648056
A guide to constructive criticism, because "Your writing/artwork sucks" doesn't help anyone get better at it.
http://pastebin.com/1s1fLktL
Currently we are creating a set of guides to aid new and upcoming smut writers, if you feel as if you can contribute anything, please do so in-thread!
Completed guides:
Smut Writing for the Sexually Inexperienced: http://pastebin.com/znDUfbtB
Writing from the Female Perspective: http://pastebin.com/M5FNyVWH
Guide to writing monsters in smut: http://pastebin.com/iXjPcUTb
>A Summoning Gone Terribly Right
>>6665820
I think we can drop this part of the OP now. Nobody ever bothered to make more guides than those.
But what we do need is a motivational speaker or something. Seriously, it seems like tons of people who come here want to write but have no willpower to do so.
Also, because OP forgot:
>SMUT OFF: Write a fic that features a creative use of magic/psychic powers during sex. The more unusual the better.
Reposting because my timing was terrible.
Mind Games
http://pastebin.com/mnzMXu7k
Tags: 40k, SoB, tyranid, rape, chemical mind control, mind break, huge penetration, excessive cum, breathplay, orgy
Part two shall come soon(tm) and feature psyker sex and reverse mindbreak. I'm unsure of where that slots into my schedule, as I have a number of yet-unfilled requests to finish, including a story about dragon breeding and another about lesbian clone sex. I'll probably finish one of those before writing the sequel.
>>6665954
>But what we do need is a motivational speaker or something. Seriously, it seems like tons of people who come here want to write but have no willpower to do so.
I know what you mean. The "How to get yourself to write" pastebin on the 1d4chan page is somewhat useful, we should put that in the OP.
Just out of curiosity, would anyone up for a bit of proofreading?
>>6666252
Depends on what your timeframe is. I'll be available in a few hours and am more than willing to lend a hand then.
>>6666253
Works of me. Just say hello in the titainpad and i'll send you a link I guess.
>>6666256
I'm sitting the the pad right now, so throw in the link whenever you get around to it. I'll give it a look-see tonight.
There is something terribly wrong with my prose, but I have no idea what it is exactly.
Either way, here is my latest attempt. It's not very fetishistic I think, but it's got monster girls and sex so it must be worth something, right?
http://pastebin.com/HEQmMThw
tags: hetero, monster girls, consensual sex, romance, consensual drug use, tentacles, Scylla, lovey dovey, modern setting, slice of life
>>6666289
I'll give it a read over tonight.
>>6666293
Much obliged!
http://pastebin.com/hcbWznGx
Work in progress of an untitled project. It's a TG story with 6.4k words so far. Very little smut, only towards the end. Didn't want to publish it until it was complete but it's the first story I'm ever writing, erotic or otherwise, and it's become apparent to me that it will easily go over 20k words if I ever put all what I want in it and finish it so I want to make sure I got my shit together and not have to rewrite so much at the end.
The feedback I'm looking for ranges from basic stuff like formatting to stuff like narration and characterization. Can you picture and follow the scenes clearly? Can you pick up the hints about the character's mannerisms and relationships with one another or are they too callously executed that I'm beating the reader over the head with them? (Please write your assumptions and impressions of the characters) Is the dialogue between the girls any good and at least somewhat believable? Is there consistency in the characters' actions?
Tags: tg, mtf, gender bender, possession, identity death, identity theft, bimbo, high school setting
Don't be intimidated by the identity death and bimbo tags, the only identity dying here is the blank-slate protagonist you're meant to self-insert into. As for the bimbo tag, I'm trying to make it as subdued and slowly progressing as possible. The reader is also meant to feel sympathy towards the bimbo, who's not really a caricature bimbo but just someone who likes girly stuff, is a little ditzy and has some emotional issues. My goal is to make the characters a bit broken and in need of saving (I like stories that stir up that male instinct) but likable.
There's meant to be mind control as well, just like the introductory paragraph alluded to, but I haven't got to the part where I think it'd be fitting yet.
Pic is a teaser of something NOT in the story yet. The pic inspired me to define one of the girls' kinks and a similar scene in the picture will take place eventually.
>>6666289
I read through it, as promised, and think I have an idea of what is bugging you.
Before that, I have a few comments on grammar and usage. There is nothing particularly bad, but you do need to review the rules on apostrophes and hyphens. In particular, you went a bit hyphen crazy in this story, as about 2/3 of them were unnecessary. You also confused it's/its a few times.
As far as your concern with your prose goes, I found a few points and specific examples of what I think may be troubling you. First of all, you are prone to give too much detail. You do not need to explain every single step the main character takes as he lights a bong. The details are largely irrelevant and tend to set you up for a "noun verb noun" pattern (which I believe I mentioned last time as well). Obviously, there is nothing wrong with such a construction, but it becomes extremely repetitive when it is the only form employed throughout a story. That paragraph in particular should give a good example of what I am talking about.
Furthermore, your style is very wordy. There is nothing wrong with detail, but there is no merit in redundant phrases. For example, in line 135, you describe her undressing, then go on to say that "her breasts swing free of her shirt". You could easily have just said that her breasts swing free; that it was from her shirt is implicit in context. There is another such example in line 195. There is no need to explain that the utensils "looked like" anything. You may simply explain what they were to the character. It's similar to presaging everything you say with "in my opinion". There is no reason to announce such things. Any literate person can infer what you mean. In a similar way, you overuse pronouns, repeating them when context does not require such. For example, in line 135, you write "her bracelets and her rastacap". The scene is of her undressing, so there is no need to emphasize that the clothes are hers.
(continued)
>>6666289
Finally, you have a slight issue of perspective. This story is in the third person, obviously following the perspective of the male lead. Throughout most of the story, you describe the world through his eyes. At times, however, you start to use plural subjects. For example, in line 173, you write "Both of them stared at the ceiling". To maintain the perspective you set earlier, you should instead write "He stared at the ceiling with her". The scene conveyed is the same as what you wrote, but the perspective better matches what you had been using until that point. The remaining uses of "both of" in and around that paragraph may be dealt with similarly and for the same reason.
I hope I'm picking up on the same thing you are. I know how aggravating it can be to feel a problem but not be able to pinpoint it. If the above examples are insufficient to illustrate the broader points I was attempting to express, I would be happy to run through it again to provide more examples.
On a totally different note, the story was rather sweet. I wish we had more things that felt so cuddly and happy. It was a bit light on the smut, but it was a fun read overall.
I'd like to request a scenario (Anon/Reader POV x Shantae) in which the titular genie Shantae has been in a relationship with Anon for quite some time, though they haven't done a lot of kinky stuff before, mostly vanilla stuff. After some shyness and preparation, Shantae has agreed to indulge Anon in his wind up doll fetish, using her genie powers to become a wind up sex doll, with her own music box. When she's wound on the box, she performs the Doll on a Music Box routine from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
>>6666799
>>6666813
I'm saving this and keeping it by my side the next time I'm going over a draft. You're a hero, Anon; keep on being awesome.
>>6666994
Do you have more of the pic ? I know that its KC, there was the entire set of his monstergirls lewds on Sakaru Channel but I can no longer access it from my country
Someone was interested in this last thread >>6648801
I would love any yuri stories (and illustrations even more so) about a civilized, innocent, modest girl visited by a playful, lewd, nudist animalgirl twin of herself. The animalgirl is simply the human girl plus ears and a tail, and optionally one or two other small things from that animal, like whiskers, horns, etc.
If you can’t decide the animal type, I lean towards feline or canine. (I would not choose slime or other naturally shapeshifting creatures. I would prefer some mystery to the animalgirl, and shapeshifting ability solves that mystery too much.)
The animalgirl's intelligence is up to you. If she speaks both human and animal, I do prefer human sentences with occasional animal sounds in between, rather than ikamusume-style puns or mixing sounds with words (like "purrrrfect").
e.g. Serious high school girl put off relationships to focus on school, wakes up in the middle of the night to a mysterious naked catgirl twin, who makes lesbian love to her until morning and then disappears, and that's her sexual awakening (in whatever direction you want).
Some more possible ending ingredients:
- Animalgirl comes again some time(s)
- Girl runs away with animalgirl, or animalgirl stays with girl
- Girl turns into an animalgirl herself, either permanently or when she's with animalgirl
So how do you find the drive to write when all of your ideas sound like shit in your head?
>>6667405
See:
How To Make Yourself Write
http://pastebin.com/RrXff0M8
>>6665807
Oh, we're doing it on more than just the weekend now?
Have one I did for a giantess scifi setting thought up by /tg/
GT-Station
http://pastebin.com/Z3c5NcrJ
Tags: F/m, size difference, giantess, body exploration, tiny in trapped in giantess's skin tight clothes, heavy teasing, blue skinned space babes
Thoughts?
Suggestions?
[spoiler]Ideas for a squeal?[/spoiler]
[nospoilerson/d/]I'm debating making a text adventure with the quest engine based on the ideas from that thread http://archive.4plebs.org/tg/thread/45150272/
Any suggestions would be appreciated
[/nospoilerson/d/]
>>6668264
It seems a bit cut off at the end. And I strongly suggest that "spelunking" be added, as we know it over here. These kinds of fics are never complete without that.
>>6667385
I picked up that request last thread. It's probably the next thing I'm working on.
>>6668264
>It seems a bit cut off at the end.
Well he reached the cockpit, that was his goal, I know the whole thing was a bit of a tease, but I left the ending like that to imply he went back in for some fun this time
>And I strongly suggest that "spelunking" be added, as we know it over here
He never actually went spelunking though
>>6668371
Well, do so for the sequel, please.
>>6667385
>Serious high school girl put off relationships to focus on school, wakes up in the middle of the night to a mysterious naked catgirl twin, who makes lesbian love to her
I too watched Bakemonogatari and I too wanted Hanekawa to go fuck herself.
How do you re-use the same sex positions in a story (though I imagine this applies in real life too) without it getting boring?
>>6668923
You don't, really. As a literal disgusting fatbody I can attest that the missionary, cowgirl, doggy style positions get pretty boring pretty quickly, especially if done in repetition. I'd recommend you focus more on the characters and how they feel after however many rounds of said position you're using because even after a few minutes of humping the hips can get pretty sore.
>>6668923
In both cases, all you need to do is shift the focus away from the position. One scene could be sweet and slow and the other a raunchy fuck session. You can also emphasize different aspects of the position. For instance, in one scene you can focus on the feelings of penetration, while in the next you can play up the visual, aural, or even olfactory components, largely ignoring the act itself while describing the characters' other actions and sensations.
To be honest, though, it is probably a lot easier to just change the fundamentals of position or even type of penetration. It's certainly not impossible to write the same thing multiple times while still keeping it interesting, however.
any good X-com smut?
>>6669092
Check the stuff by Cooked and Kitty D on the list.
So riddle me this, /efg/. Why is Succubus summoning such a cliche?
>>6669237
Easy. It's a demon whose sole purpose is to lure men into selling their souls via sex. Of course it would be so common when every bit of their folklore revolves around them fucking human men.
>>6669237
I think it would be a fun story to have an /x/phile summoning a succubus based on instructions they got online. I don't know how you make it not cliché though. Maybe the poster of the instructions was a troll and he summons an incubus instead? (Or a male succubus because those are kind of in right now)
>>6669249
I mean the whole "Guy underestimates the Succubus upon summoning her" schtick people always write about.
>>6669305
Why didn't you say so?
It's mostly the same reasons, really. Plus it goes well with femdom, because why would a human be dominant over a literal sex demon?
>>6669237
I actually wrote a pair of stories about a succubus summoning a man about a year ago. I always thought that succubi have a lot of potential for cliche reversal.
>>6669440
Link?
>>6669455
Part 1:
http://pastebin.com/e91Xjt3t
Part 2:
http://pastebin.com/MvdkuAZW
No tags of note on either, they're both rather vanilla.
>>6669464
I remember this. Were you ever planning to write another part to it?
>>6669487
I've been planning to for a while, yeah. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten around to it yet. I picked up that first spelunking request we had about that time and then ended up on a dragon kick for a while. Ever since, I've been running off of a request backlog, as I find it easier to meet deadlines when people are waiting. I think I'll clear up my current requests (two left) and then come back around to finish up the two unfinished series and the couple WiPs I've posted.
>>6665995
This is hot dude. It's nothing incredible but it's written competently and it includes a bunch of my favorite things. Decent length too, didn't feel too short. Good job. I hope you see this.
Well, I got the second chapter finished for the cleric story I started last thread. Little bit of yuri, little bit of hetero rough sex. Hope you like it, and any criticism will be appreciated!
Ch 2: Succubus and the Sorceress
http://pastebin.com/EuEt0twb
Tags:
>Yuri/lesbian
>Double penetration/DP
>Bisexual
>Futa/shemale
>Anal
>Vaginal
>Rough sex
>Consensual domination
>Cum eating
And I'll include the first chapter, because why not
Ch 1: Conbert and the Cleric
http://pastebin.com/b5yyJnJM
Tags: Bisexual, malexfuta, futaxmale, shemale, anal, prostate play, rimjob, frotting, cumswap
So... now that I'm up to two entries, figure I might as well do the name thing and put an entry on the Smut Index. That okay, or am I overstepping bounds?
>>6669518
Glad to see you're back already. I rather liked part one. There are honestly no real bounds to overstep here. AA does a damn good job maintaining the MSL, but most of us also maintain our own sections.
>>6669530
Sweet! Went ahead and updated the list.
Well, I finished the cultist request. If you've read the request list, you know the ending, if you didn't I hope it's a surprise.
I hope this is what the OR wanted, but to be honest I'm not as well practiced at my sex scenes and I feel like I really dropped the ball on it, too short or whatever. I liked the story though.
Cult Calamity
>http://pastebin.com/AYRfaz6C
Tags: Public sex, virgins
>>6669259
Have the succubus summon the human instead.
>>6669883
Good to see you back, Monster.
>>6669259
Have a girl summon a succubus, but the succubus has never fucked a girl before leading to awkward lesbian sex as she has no idea what shes doing
Weekend's here, so taking requests I guess.
>>6670430
You remember the sex face thing you did with Macha way back when? I'd like to see that with your robot girl OC.
This was the template for it, in case you lost it or something.
Where is my mind? By SmutArchiveAnon and Anonymouse.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1I8Ub-RX3mkWqh4l5JWsbHZCb4nBd6MyO0Fn1TvQDzYQ/edit?ts=56aea47f
Monsterxhuman, DP, dubcon, minor injury, implied rape.
>>6670430
Hi Inker ! Nice to see you again !
Can I request a pic of Vostroya-chan ?
Slightly tipsy, exposing her breasts after happy drunken blowjob, getting all cheery when she recieve a big load over them and her face ?
>>6670430
An eldar corsair princess making out with a captured rogue trader lady (or inquisitor lady if you wish), please ? Maybe having her eat her out, or performing a 69...
>>6670430
SoB and psyker dressed in their Imperial best for Wedding. SoB wears something skimpy to show off her guns and Psyker is feeling them up.
>>6666506
I was hoping that someone would've gotten back to you already. I'll give it a look over tonight and let you know what I think.
>>6670667
Much appreciated, thanks. I probably should have posted it in either of the two TG threads since it appeals more to them but they're both dead as fuck. The /aco/ split really broke up the TG audience.
About my story, I've still been tirelessly writing and added a substantial amount to it. If you find the characters in the first part I posted to be rather vague or flat, and are interested to read more of the story, then hopefully the new chapters of the second iteration of the story will flesh out their conflicts and motivations and make them more interesting to the reader. I'm still trying to get to the part where it could end in a self-contained way before posting it, however.
>>6670430
Requesting a milfy banshee with voluptuous curves jerking a pair of dicks over her larges tits, with a younger banshee looking surprised and shocked in the back, please.
If it's not too much, could you also do a sequel where she take upon herself to "initiate" her inexperienced and prude kin (by fondling and fingering her while they are assaulted by dicks) ? Thank a lot if so !
>>6665807
I have a rather...out there request:
A succubus is intrigued by the mortal realm, so much that she wishes to be mortal herself. This, of course, is no easy task.
Until a witch, who's grown tired of life, summons our succubus, and promises to help her become mortal. All for the low, low cost of killing the witch and taking over her body, of course. The succubus complies and, as an added bonus, makes her new body young again!
>>6670430
Will you be doing any of the tumblr requests from like two months ago on?
>>6671274
You should probably repost it here
>>6670471
Nice little short. The contrast between the girl's mental degradation and the cold, uncaring matter-of-factness of the creature is well-played. Good work.
To the author of the Sisters of the Emperor's Joy, come forth! We have missed you greatly!
>>6671989
He's gone.
If you haven't noticed, a lot of writers tend to wash out when they realizing writing is harder than it looks. Give it another month at the most, and then simply weep for more wasted potential.
>>6671996
Well, that's depressing.
Ok I have a request, a trap gets exposed as a trap and humiliated. Told from the perspective of the trap who thinks he has everyone fooled when he goes to the beach, sporting hairless, diminutive genitals with phiomsis, small "hormonal" breasts and a cocky attitude. Despite the small size one observant man notices when the trap's penis, he starts questioning the trap and eventually makes a scene. With a crowd gathering around the humiliation commences, being stripped, mocked for his tiny dick now erect (specifically 9cm/3.7 inches), his hormonal tits, he's bullied into showing how he anally masturbates and cums despite not touching his dick, and finally his ejaculate being a tiny dribble. Hopefully there's enough to work with.
>>6671996
>a lot of writers tend to wash out when they realizing writing is harder than it looks.
Or we have other things to do with our time, or don't feel any urge to write at present, or don't want to sink a substantial amount of time and effort into something that'll get two or three comments at the very most.
For the record I'm not the author you're talking about.
>>6672166
Yeah, I forgot to mention those things as well.
Feedback makes everyone happier in the end. If you read a story you like, leave feedback. Hell, even if you didn't like it, leave feedback as to how it could be made better. Anything's better than simple apathy.
Ghost story update! New content starts on line 81.
A bit of a bigger update this time, even though it took way longer than it should've to write out.
http://pastebin.com/Kye50Quw
Current Tags: Posession, Lactation, Full body Penetration, Plant Vore, Ghost Absorption
Future Tags: Soft Vore
So, I'm not sure how to feel about all of it, but I'd appreciate any and all feedback. I have an idea of where to end this story now, and I think it'll tie in well with the main arc of my other story. There is something a bit more smutty coming later on, I know it was a bit glossed over when it happened here. I may go back and flesh that out a bit more, I think it may have been kind of rushed.
Either way, lemme know what you guys think.
>>6672166
>don't want to sink a substantial amount of time and effort into something that'll get two or three comments at the very most.
Dude, don't write a story for just the comments you think you're going to get, the recognition you think you deserve or for the praise, you will be disappointed. Write a story because you want to enjoy your thoughts becoming tangible, or for honing your literacy skills or even writing a better ending to a favorite character that you thought deserved better.
>>6672216
It's pretty interesting, the story feels less physical and more mental. Which makes sense when you're dealing with spirits.
>>6672236
>
Dude, don't write a story for just the comments you think you're going to get, the recognition you think you deserve or for the praise, you will be disappointed.
Most of us don't. But the least people can do is say something- anything- that proves that they read it at all. Otherwise there's no point in even posting the end product here.
>>6666506
I'm a day late, but I did finally get around to reading this and have prepared a few points.
First of all, you have nothing to worry about with the characters and scenes. Those are both totally fine. It is a bit early to pass complete judgment on this, but I think you're going to be fine.
That being said, your prose needs work. First of all, your opening was rather rough. Never use rhetorical questions so early. You have no rapport with the reader, so they don't really work.
Other than that, you make a lot of mistakes I see first time writers making. Your sentences are short and choppy. The second paragraph illustrates this rather well. Stop telling us what the MC does and instead tell what is happening. You tend to make a lot of redundant statements. In the third paragraph, you say that he does not know where he got his powers. In the very next sentence, you say the exact same thing, just with different words. Also, never use direct quotations to show a monologue. It never sounds good and is almost always hammy. Quotations are for dialogue, nothing else. Also, people don't talk to themselves in direct quotes unless they're insane.
There are also a few storytelling suggestions I would like to make. The first is that you should never tell details. Show them in action. There was no need to explain up-front that his ability only works once a week. If it's important, work it into the story. If not, leave it out. Excess detail does not improve a story. You also don't need to describe every facet of a person at once. Your physical description of the girls is incredibly dry. As a result of this and the above, this story reads like an outline. "The MC does this. These people look like this and act like this. The MC tries to do the same thing." It's incredibly dry.
(Continued)
>>6666506
Part 2
For the purposes of the story you are writing, I would strongly suggest being more subtle with the personality merger. There is no reason to constantly say that he is accidentally accumulating memories. Show the reader what is happening by contrasting his new behaviors with his old or with the expected norm. You did a much better job of this in the second half of the masturbation scene. There was no need to begin that section by explaining how he knew what he did. If he gets up to find a dildo in the drawer, the reader will understand. If need be, use loaded language (i.e. "feet moving on their own", "unconsciously reached out", or "without realizing, he...").
Also pertaining to the smut aspect, I would personally advise against such a direct interpretation of sexual attraction. It is not necessarily true of all readers, but I would rather him fall further by "harmless experimentation" rather than "well, I can't get wet by thinking of girls, so I guess I like dudes now". It's overly sudden and less appealing, particularly if you're looking for him to go full trap mode at the end, as I assume you are.
Overall, I would say that you have a solid idea and have nothing to worry about with the story itself or its characters. Your language can use a lot of work, but that is much easier to fix than a poor premise. As I almost always suggest, you should try reading your story aloud to yourself. You will probably immediately notice what I have been talking about. It's probably best if you try to continue writing with what I said in mind, then come back to the beginning and compare it with your later work. It will be much more clear what you have to do that way.
Unrelated to any criticism or suggestion, I must ask if you have yet determined what happened to the original girl. It's an important question to answer, particularly since it greatly affects the tone. Merging personalities is very different from killing one.
This is a wide shot in the dark, but a few years back I remember reading a storytime/screencap of a first-person story about a rich man and his wife who essentially get a poor masochist girl to sign her life over to them before turning her into their personal plaything. It ended with them encasing her in cement and installing her in the wall or the floor where she could be fed and played with whenever they felt like it until they got bored of her and let her die. I don't usually get off on harder/darker stuff, but it was hot as fuck. Does anyone still have it lying around or know where I might find it?
>>6672241
>But the least people can do is say something- anything- that proves that they read it at all.
The only people that are going to be interested in it is the person that requested it and people that are your fans, if you have any. Many people don't read stories that don't interest them, if you ask for feedback then you'll get it, but most people will look at the tags in your post and either read it or scroll past it. I'll say again, fic writing isn't for getting page-views or comments, it's about passion.
>>6672298
I'm not the guy you're responding to, but I think that's an unfair generalization. As much as I enjoy writing for its own sake, at least half of my motivation comes from enjoying the ability to present my ideas and fantasies to other people and knowing that someone else enjoys it. A lot of us are from /tg/ and I am willing to bet that almost every writer from /tg/ is more GM than player. A lot of the enjoyment in GMing, like smut writing, is giving people a story and a world they can appreciate. No one would GM for a group that looks like they're not having fun. Similarly, you cannot reasonably expect writers to continue to write if there is no indication that anyone cares.
>>6672335
You're responding to two different people. I was the first you quoted. I'm (generally) quite content with the amount of response here. I was just saying that you cannot assume that we all have the same motivation for what we do.
>>6672345
And as the second guy, I'll point out that it's hard to be passionate about your work when nobody else seems to give a fuck about it.
>>6672353
Perhaps you're writing something incredibly niche? I almost only write off of request anymore, largely for this reason. There's no point in writing something if no one will read it, and no one is going to read a smut story with fetishes they don't like.
>>6672345
>that we all have the same motivation for what we do
My point still stands, you gotta find fans for what you write and work from there. You are writing fan-fic on 4chan, and if you want recognition in this place, it's going to be hard. Not impossible, but it will be difficult.
Advertise yourself, make a name for yourself and see if you can find fans for your work.
>>6672364
Again, I have no problem here. I was simply sticking up for the other guy's point that "passion" alone isn't what drives all the writefags here. I doubt that he wants a following (I certainly don't care about such things), but it is nice to know that other people appreciate your work.
>>6672358
No, it's pretty vanilla stuff. People just don't give feedback unless you practically hold the story hostage for it.
>>6672364
And I'm saying that most of us want to write HERE. Not some hypothetical place where people will eat out of our hands. All we want is a little post saying "I read this, here's what I think". Is that so much to demand in exchange for free OC?
We don't want fans, we want acknowledgement that people are reading our shit at all. I don't care if my following is small, but I'd like to be assured that people are following it at all.
>>6672367
There are a few of us who try to give feedback, just not enough. I suppose that, if nothing else, the pastebin view indicator tells you that people do actually read what you write, though it gives no indication of if they actually like it.
>>6672366
>>6672367
I understand wanting to be appreciated, but you're dealing with a place that has people coming and going all the time, some people that show up once and don't come back or people that lurk 24/7. You aren't going to get the appreciation/multitude of comments you want here or anywhere that isn't a writing forum like AO3 or FFN. You want recognition, then try to be recognized by writing things that many people, including yourself, enjoy.
> we want is a little post saying "I read this, here's what I think". Is that so much to demand in exchange for free OC?
People aren't going to read things they won't like, you got to find people that like what you like and see what they might want.
I would rather have one person enjoy something and comment on it, rather that people just giving me praise because they felt sorry for me. If someone give me a review or comment, I want it to mean something.
>>6672377
But now even the people who do seem to enjoy my work (which is quite vanilla, I might add) don't bother commenting. You have to literally beg to make them do it. That's just not right. especially since most if not all of us have been on the other side of that experience.
It doesn't even have to be praise, as long as the criticism is good like in
>>6672265
>>6672287
Now I suggest you put your money where your mouth is and give the feedback we both desire and outright NEED to keep us from stagnating. Prove that you do care enough about the writefags that you want to give them a reason to come back here and not just leave for AO3 or FFN as you seem to suggest.
>>6672394
>not just leave for AO3 or FFN as you seem to suggest.
Did I say anything about them leaving for those places? I'll say again, write what you like and find fans that enjoy it as well as tell you about what they enjoyed. You aren't going to get the recognition you want here all that much unless you're really prolific and can reach a good niche of people that like your writing.
Write what you love, make a trip or name for yourself, and see where it takes you. I'll say again, writing for the recognition of you writing won't get you anywhere. If you're getting depressed about why people won't read your stories, then find a place here that does enjoy them. Make a thread and see where it goes.
But most of all, write for you and if you find one fan, just one that loves your work, be proud. Be proud that you found someone, out of billions of people, that love your thoughts, understand what you're saying and that they find enjoyment in the way you think.
>>6672415
I'm not sure you entirely understand how vital feedback is for writers. I can be proud of the fact I have one guy all I like, but he's not going to be able to improve my work on his own. If I just wanted people to say how much they like my work, I could go elsewhere and be surrounded by sycophants all day- or I could stay here and get genuine, unvarnished critique from fellow writers who say what they mean without flattery.
I know for a fact people enjoy them here, I just want them to speak up about it.
And I find it hard to believe you're even a writer at all with that attitude- even the most passionate and self-driven of writefags needs SOME kind of encouragement unless he decides that nobody will ever see his work but him. Way to encourage people to make more content there.
>>6672454
>I'm not sure you entirely understand how vital feedback is for writers.
Then ask for feedback, there is a guy here, several posts above us, that gives some of the best critique anyone can ever hope for. Honestly, the man sounds like a professional critic that ought to work for a major writing company. The guy writes your strengths, weaknesses and where you need improvements on in well though out posts that are matter-of-fact and kind too.
> I could stay here and get genuine, unvarnished critique from fellow writers who say what they mean without flattery.
Then make fans man, and ask for their honest opinion about your skills. I've told you in many posts about what you need to do to get recognition and get people to see your work. Do it. Make a name, find a place where your kinks and writings will be known and just go for it.
There is a guy called Togruta-fag that posts his work on /aco/ and /co/'s Star Wars general. The man has only wrote four things, but he found a niche of people that likes what he writes, takes requests when he gets the chance and when he asks for honest opinions we give him what he needs to hear. Hell, the guy wrote for us only twice before he went on hiatus and we know him by name and wondered where he was.
>And I find it hard to believe you're even a writer at all with that attitude
What? The attitude that 4chan isn't a good place to get others to see and read your work due to all the traffic and multitude of people with different kinks and opinions? Yes, that is a thing here that's a problem, but you can make it work if you find a group of people that like your stuff and make yourself known.
P.S. I am a writer, and I understand this place is hard as hell to get the attention you need for encouragement.
Is there any stories with consensual tentacles?
Like both parties were totally cool with each other?
>>6672523
>>6672265
>>6672287
Thank you very much for the feedback. I'll keep your criticisms and suggestions about my prose in mind and see if I can make things flow more pleasantly.
Among other things, I think what I can do about the dry descriptions of the girls is to split them up, between what MC notices from afar and what he notices when he has possessed the girl and is up close, and add movement like "she said as she flicked a lock of her wavy hair" or something.
I agree that the transition of sexual preference was done quite poorly. I don't intend to introduce a slowly transitioning experimentation phase, but I'll try to make the night of the transition/realization less awkward instead. Unlike most TG protagonists, the MC is supposed to be very open to the idea of exploring his sexuality. The eroticism is not supposed to be derived from something as general as "I used to like girls now I like men" like in most TG stories but more from "I had a fetish of wanting to be a girl but now I want to be a boy again?" His realization of his newfound preference to males is supposed to be nonchalant, it's that weirder part of now wanting to be a boy again that's supposed to catch him off-guard and is the focus of the smut from that point on. However, I guess I hadn't been able to emphasize on how off-putting that should come across to the MC since it takes place in the heat of the masturbation scene.
I thought the part about explaining the limitation of his power was timely. The reader is supposed to know that the MC is stuck with the choice he made until some time has passed. If it's told in too dry or awkward a manner, then I'll try to improve it.
(Continued)
>>6672265
>>6672287
Concerning your question about the possessed girl, when I wrote and posted the part of the story that I did, I still wasn't sure what to do with her and the MC. The initial idea is that the MC gets degraded by becoming something that's contradictory to what he was (masculine to feminine, cunning to airhead, etc.), but I realized that that story's been told many times before. What I've been trying to do now instead is a a merger between the possessed girl's hidden desires and character flaws and the MC's malice and willingness to take advantage of others. If the part I posted ended on a somewhat light note, the part that I've been writing after it is much darker because the MC is now pushing back against the possessed girl's personality, indulging in her desires and twisting their combined personality in the process. I guess the MC isn't a blank-slate after all. I intend him to be evil, and I suppose the act of possessing other people and manipulating the mind's of others is not necessarily seen as a psychopathic thing in TG stories because of its commonness.
The problem is that there's now a contrast between the part of the story I posted where the MC is slowly adopting this cutesy girl's personality and the part I've now been writing where he's doing extreme things to overcompensate and kill the innocent part of her off (finally using his mind control abilities to force another person to degrade both the target and himself). There's also a part told from another character's perspective so there may be additional issues there.
Well, if you're still willing to give me more feedback in addition to the helpful advice you've already given, tell me what you think. I wrote it before I got your feedback so it's probably still choppy, but I want to know if I managed to improve myself a little or not. It also starts of kind of melancholic (cornily so, probably). I just felt like channeling some charage VNs or some shit.
http://pastebin.com/NC75mZcu
>>6672513
So what, should I now openly announce myself as being Archive Anon every time I ask for feedback and make a big damn show of it, thus making the whole thing with me being an anon pointless? Like it or not, this IS the place you talk about in which I have fans. I just wish they would speak up every now and then. So, without further ado, can I get some honest opinions on Electric Sleep and Electric Awakening Part 1?
Criticism is a fickle thing. Like, I've posted a link already in this thread, and as much as I would love some comments on it I know it's not realistically going to happen. Why? Because I write stories that appeal to me, and I feel the need to write them because no one else is... which means the number of other people who would like my work is likely quite small. Hell, the /only/ criticism I have ever received was when I explicitly stated it was my first story (and it was awesome criticism, too).
Of course, the best answer would be to practice what I preach and comment on everyone else's stories, but then we come back to the same problem that my tastes aren't in line with the rest of /efg/. I guess I can focus purely on grammar... fuck it, next time I have a free moment I'll make an honest effort to comment on the basic stuff of at least two stories.
>>6672648
>>6672649
If you don't like how you did his orientation and don't wish to do what I first suggested, have you considered temporarily ignoring it completely? The purpose of the scene is to explore the host's preference. Focus entirely on that. It shouldn't be about what he's into anymore, it should be her desire subsuming his.
If I may suggest what to do with the host girl, I do have an idea. I think that you should imply a slow merger of their consciousness, not only personality and memories. She can start to take independent action; not in a particularly overt way, just little bits here and there when he drops his guard. Over time, her involvement can increase. You have already been hinting towards this, I think that you should continue down that path. It also makes his transition a bit nicer. He can blame her for his actions and just let himself slip into depravity. After all, he's not "really" responsible.
I'll get to part 2 later, possibly tonight. I was planning on getting to this >>6672692 a while ago, but for some reason, your google docs link crashes my jank-ass cross-platform browser installation and I didn't know you had a pastebin version until I checked the archive.
>>6672817
Sorry about that. I've copied it to pastebin now. Link is here: http://pastebin.com/wP2gqxP8
>>6672820
Thanks. What is the story order on these two? I assume that there is a chronological ordering, considering the names and would prefer not to read in the wrong order.
>>6672826
Electric Sleep, then Electric Awakening. Thanks again.
>>6672832
I would consider editing the pasteam of the second one with a disclaimer at the beginning about it being a sequel and the end of the first with a link to the second one I'd readers wish to continue
>>6672836
Good catch.
I've also added "Where is My Mind" to pastebin as well. Link is here: http://pastebin.com/Ns7GiaJG
Awhile back there was a thread here where the OP started a story and people continued it. Basically it followed a girl who woke up in a dungeon, and would go room to room solving puzzles and getting transformed.
It went pretty well until the thread was deleted. Would anyone be interested in doing something similar?
>>6665825
Moar like this!!!
great art, who is the artist?
>>6672848
I'm pretty sure that's Dr. Graveling, they're on tumblr
>>6669883
Not the OR, but not bad at all. I enjoyed the read.
The sex itself is short, but the foreplay makes up for that.
>>6672004
No takers on that?
>>6673174
Give it some time. Requests aren't always taken immediately. Just put it on the requests doc and hope for the best- it's all you can do without paying someone to write it.
>>6672985
Yeah, it's kinda hard to write vanilla, consenting sex and give it length and girth.
Glad you enjoyed it.
>>6673177
Well I put it in the request bin, I hope someone picks it up.
>>6673277
Yep, that's pretty much all you can do.
It would be grand if all requests could be filled quickly,but sadly that's never been the case.
>>6673174
I want to write it, since it's kind of my fetish, but its not my usual kind of stuff, and I've got more stuff to work on. You seem to have a pretty good (and exact) idea of how it should go, why not try your hand at it yourself?
>>6673289
I've never actually wrote anything erotic, well except describing it.
Requesting a picture of a fic about a Sister of Battle Hospitalier who uses her gene-modded boobies to nurse orphans destined for the Scholia. Topic is too much milk has built up and thus her fellow Sisters must suck the excess milk from her breasts.
>>6673291
Well, based on your description I think you have a good enough picture in your head to get it out on paper. Of course, if you don't want to be a writer, that's another thing, but I think you could be.
>>6673350
Haven't you requested this several threads in a row? Just put it in the requests doc with all the others and give it a rest, nobody likes that kind of desperation.
>>6673350
>a picture of a fic
That's not possible, how do you make a picture OF a fic. Just decide if you want a picture or a fic and stick with that for your request.
Is there even really a way to do a story focused around a brothel without it opening the same way every time?
>>6673401
I suck cocks, I utterly missed the link.
>>6673453
It's in the OP like it always is.
>>6673376
I'm mostly lacking the knowledge to structure a short story, like filling a paragraph of forced anal masturbation. I got a clear idea, just not the ability to write what I see in my mind.
>>6673412
I would love a picture of a fic, why don't more draw friends draw scenes from stories?
>>6673489
Because they don't always have the time to actually read the fics, that's why.
Although one could point out that you can't draw a picture of a fic that doesn't even exist.
>>6673500
Or maybe just a typo.
Pic of Fic
Pic or Fic
>>6665820
Writing non-cringy sex descriptions are so difficult sometimes. I just feel like there are only so many ways that you can describe a dick going into a vagina, and I just end up reusing the same thing over and over, and it bugs the hell out of me. Dialog can be tricky sometimes too.
>>6670471
>>6672787
Well, you asked for a critique but I'm sorry to say I can't really give one. Because honestly, there isn't much anything wrong with your story. Grammar is correct, pacing is correct, and I can't really comment on how hot it is because mindbreak isn't my thing (just finished the story feeling sorry for the girl, but that's not uncommon or a mark against you).
But hey, I figure it's well-written for someone into mindbreak, so good on you for that. The only real comment I can give is to increase the spacing on a few paragraphs in the middle.
>>6674060
I consider that a good thing, in a way. It means I've done everything right- except tagging it, it would seem. I'll have to fix that on the list.
Requesting a story of sorts involving a cursed race where only men are born, but every time the men have an orgasm they turn more and more into hot elven women and the more they enjoy it the faster they turn. Usually only parts of their bodies turn at once and their dicks are the last to go, but afterward further orgasms just make them sexier, bigger breasts, curvier bodies, longer ears and bigger butts and so forth.
It would be awesome for a story involving rivals trying to find ways to turn each other into women and ending up turning each other into sexy girls in the end and then falling for one another. Another idea is one involving a dude who faps and gradually becomes a woman over time and kinda documents it but in a sexy way.
>>>/y/2248773
>>6675467
Isnt that Torture-device or whatever that edgelord is called ?
Well, since we're outright requesting criticism now, would anyone mind taking a shot at mine?
>>6669518
>>6672832
As promised, I took a look at Electric Sleep. There are a few minor grammatical errors not worth noting but otherwise only a few points worth noting. First of all, avoid first-person monologues. They almost never sound right. You also should use greater physical separation between perspectives; perhaps you should use extra linebreaks or otherwise modify your paragraphing to make these transitions more clear.
Much more importantly, I believe that you chose an entirely incorrect perspective for this story. It is impossible to relate to an AI gaining sapience and as such, all segments told from her perspective are largely meaningless to the reader. You could have presented the entire story from just Charles' viewpoint with very little loss. The parts written from his perspective already describe well-enough what is happening to her. With a bit more work, I believe that you could write a significantly better and more complete story from his perspective without losing the unique tone you were trying to set. At the end of the day, it is simply easier to understand a story about a man watching an AI become sapient. The idea is great, but your choice of perspective hurts the story as a whole There is also one minor inconsistency in the story: I do not find it believable that she would be nervous to talk to Charles about how she feels, yet find it reasonable to stage a fake alarm and evacuate an entire space station.
As far as the smut goes, I feel that it was far too short for the length of the story but otherwise well done. I also think that you could have put a lot more into the masturbation scene. It could have been fun reading about her learning to masturbate for the first time.
I'll get to the other stories you linked, as well as >>6672649 later. I'm a bit ill at present and am trying to take things more slowly. My focus isn't as good as it should be.
>>6675738
We had considered cutting out some of the parts focusing on Thesis' perspective during the writing of it, but we decided against it in the end. There's too much character development for her that occurs without Chares' knowledge, and so it would make her transition to self-awareness look more abrupt than it really was.
While it would in theory describe what was happening to her as you say, at the same time it would be unable to show how exactly it's affecting her or give the same insight as to her developing personality. (Or as my co-writer put it, "it would just be about Chares wondering why the lights keep flickering and why the new robot keeps looking at him weirdly". Granted, that is a bit of an exaggeration, but the sentiment is accurate enough.)
The point about the transitions was a good one though. I've added extra space in between them, and a couple of extra lines to try and deal with the inconsistency you mentioned.
As for the smut, we figured that there was no need to cram in more smut than would be needed for the plot, but we tried to fix that in the sequel.
But regardless, thanks for the feedback. Just because I don't entirely agree with it doesn't mean I don't value it.
[REQUEST]
Medieval times with fantasy elements. Young girl goes to local witch in woods for examination, turns out she has perfect pussy that can get impregnated by any species semen. On the way back home she's raped by pack of wolfes, giant fly, tentacle plant, rescued by woodcuters that rapes her and sells , but she escapes just to get into village where all girls are impregnated once a year.
>>6675479
Looks like it to me.
>>6672216
I somehow managed to miss this update. I didn't realize it was there until I was wondering where you wandered off to. In any case, there are a couple things I would like to point out.
At the very beginning of this update, the MC is sprinting. Two sentences later, she's slowing down because she's tired. You may wish to either cut out the sprinting or otherwise place something between the two just for physical separation. It sounds kind of odd this way. You should also consider placing line breaks between perspective changes. You need a lot of them, considering the nature of the story. It would be smart to make them more clear.
Other than that, your writing has gotten significantly better. There are a few iffy areas like how lines 84 and 85 repeat the same piece of information over and over or how lines 87-88 are a bit clunky (too blow-by-blow), but this clears up almost immediately. I get the impression that once the action got going, you were more on point. Overall, I'm quite enjoying this story and look forward to seeing where it goes. I never thought that soul vore could be interesting or anything other than edgy or depressing.
One final note of pedantry: there shouldn't be a hyphen in dryad fruit.
>>6675782
I still insist that the same information could be given from a different perspective, though dialogue and observation, but that is not particularly relevant. It worked out well enough.
Moving on to Electric Awakenings
This part seems to be better written than the first, though it could use a bit of proofreading. The only real criticism I have is that you often strain suspension of disbelief and have a few problems with ambiguous detail. Overall, I find Thesis far too natural for someone who only very recently gained sapience. Not only that, there is almost no reference to her unique nature. There are a number of times when she is emotionally tested, such as line 122 and later with Charles' incapacitation, yet responds as if she had an entire life of making such decisions. I find this to be not only unreasonable, but also a missed opportunity to explore an interesting facet of this story.
I also had a problem latching on to the nature of the little spider bots. Their size is never really made clear until they attack and even then, I found myself a bit confused. From their first introduction, I assumed them to be roughly rodent sized, but their apparent role (wielding welders and grabbers) would suggest them to be much larger, as such tasks are impractical or even impossible at that scale. Perhaps it is just me, but I found their stated purpose and their apparent description a bit at odds. I also found it unreasonable for Charles to have been rendered unconscious for several hours (which is actually a really big deal), then suddenly wake up and be immediately ready for sex. I recognize the dramatic opportunity, but find the circumstance unreasonable. Also with relation to smut, I think that the paragraph at line 255 should be relocated almost anywhere else. It's an unwelcome distraction from the scene at hand.
Also, is it just me, or did she grow nipples for this story? They were not mentioned during her introduction, nor her retrofit.
>>6678013
The nipple thing is a detail I will have to go back and add, I'll give you that. In retrospect, there were a few other things I would also like to add to her original physical description as well that hadn't occurred to me until now.
The spiderbots are about the size of a very large rat, I would say. The tools are built-in and appropriately sized for them, but you are right in pointing out that I could have made it clearer.
As for her behavior growing more natural, perhaps I should have made the timeskip between the installments clearer. About six months or so passes in between them, and I had acted under the assumption that it would have ultimately caused the story to drag on too far with matters not directly relevant to the plot. I understand your point about missed opportunities, but it would have thrown the pacing off considerably and ultimately been more trouble for the narrative than it was worth.
It would make an interesting midquel, however. Perhaps that is something that can be done after this particular story arc is completed- I'll bring it up with my cowriter and see what he thinks.
>>6678347
I rather enjoyed Where Is My Mind and have no real complaints. It was short and simple. The only complaint I could possibly raise is that I always preferred a more loving interpretation of master/slave relationships, but that is entirely subjective.
My confusion on the spiderbots was due largely to the fact that those tools make no sense in the scale described. That is why I said it might just be me that was confused. I tend to be a stickler for that kind of detail. It's probably not an issue for most readers, I just would not know.
>>6679080
It's a matter of wording, I suppose. My fault for not clarifying it properly.
Anyway, I've yet to hear back from my cowriter but when I do, I'll get to making the changes that you suggested with his help.
One last thing: Should we go and do that midquel between Electric Sleep and Electric Awakening I mentioned in my last reply, what would you personally want to see out of it, both in regards to smut and to plot? I'm not sure exactly how to go about doing it myself, and could use a bit of guidance as to what I could do there.
>>6679098
If it were me, I would have absolutely no plot development, for the strict definition of plot. There is none to be had, as it would be bracketed by plot-heavy chapters. I would focus on character and relationship development. A story about a girl learning to feel can be very interesting if you play up these themes. Having them try to find ways to live like a normal couple while still hiding her new potential could be interesting, as could having her learn to deal with the frustrations of feeling and caring for other people. Basically, come up with things that normal couples would do, then figure out how it could be different if they are trying to hide their relationship and if one of them has an emotional age measured in months.
As far as smut goes, it's rather hard to say. Everything so far has been vanilla, so it is best to stick with that. Normally I would say to try to focus on things that only a gynoid could do, but I know very little of what you intend for her abilities to be, nor am I even sure if she would use them. I would like to see the smut scenes being longer, though. Yours tend to run on the short side.
>>6679121
Me too, I just don't want it feel like it's just being sex for the sake of sex. But I'm sure I can think of something given enough time and material to work with.
>>6679197
It's a valid concern, but it's not what I was suggesting. All the smut scenes I've read from you have been brief for lack of description. They all boil down to "he gave her the dick, everyone was happy, the end". I'm not suggesting that you add on position after position or anything, just get more into the act itself and the feelings and sensations of involved parties.
OKAY OKAY I HAVE A GENIUS IDEA
Here's what I'm gonna do: Create a wiki of beast/monster/alien races. A living Wikipedia of various home brew fantasy/sci-fi races of fuck people. It could be something people use in ERP if they're "picking a fantasy race to play as".
It would of course allow contributions from others in the same way that the SCP-WIKI is.
>>6679217
Understood. I'll try to do what I can, and pass that along to my cowriter.
How do you suggest doing it without essentially stating the same thing over and over again? I'm not good with descriptive stuff, and while I've heard the typical advice about using sensory aspects I can never seem to put it into practice correctly.
>>6679230
Honestly, I rather like this idea
>>6679240
Honestly, it's as hard to suggest as it is to do. Try taking a story that you particularly enjoyed the smut of and then try to copy the form and pace. Change it until you get something that you like and think is sufficiently unique. Other than that, I would say that the only real option is to read more and learn what you like. I think that's how most of us do it.
>>6679254
I've been doing it for years, and it still seems as hard as ever. Some things never change, huh?
>>6679230
I don't understand this idea. You want us to make a comprehensive list of beasts and races that can be fucked? As far as I'm concerned that list is infinite.
>>6679298
Not a "comprehensive" list, but bascially a wiki of whatever fantasy race or sci-fi race you dream up. This is basically a data base of different sexual beings. Races you create and define. You define their anatomy, their bodily functions, sexual functions, special properties, culture, etc. Even write little stories for them if you'd like to add depth to your entry.
Essentially just make up a race of things you'd like to sex and then start defining it. What do they look like, how tall are they, skin tones, hair(?) eye(?) color, bodily attributes, and most importantly, their sexual behavior.
And you can get into more explicit detail here with this. Like what are their sexual organs? How do they look/act when aroused? Do they have any special features when aroused? Are their genitals similar to our own?
That's what I'm saying. Like, I'm writing a race up right now that has orange skin with black stripes. Their eyes/orifices are a bright teal. They've got deer-like ears and tail but otherwise are pretty much humanoid.
One cool function about them is that their tongue actually can swell and lengthen due to a VERY potent aphrodisiac contained in their saliva. I'm writing it from the standpoint of a researcher/academic who is noting their various properties and making an entry into a database. Like for example I noted that there's debate about the function of this incredibly potent aphrodisiac. Some argue it's a predatory thing, others say it's used for reproduction.
Do you see where I'm going with this?
>>6679325
I don't see how you could actually get from there to a fic. You need more than details and fetish fuel to make a story. You also need to make people care about everyone involved as individual people too.
So honestly, you're better off going to the ERP general in /soc/.
>>6679291
Well, the thing is that doing something for years does not mean that you strictly improve or that you get all the kinks out. Practice makes permanent, not perfect. It's why I was arguing on your side earlier about writers needing feedback. If you don't know what you should work on, you never get better. Nothing happens without conscious effort. I've lived for quite a while in a foreign country and never learned a word of the language (outside of learning how to ask where the American Embassy is), mostly because I never made an effort, despite hearing it all day.
>>6679351
I think you're misinterpreting the point he's trying to make. What he's arguing for is more like a beastiary than anything else. No sane person is going to say that you can run a game out of a monster manual, but maybe you'll see something in there that sparks a greater idea. You can't write a story strictly off of what he's suggesting, but if you already have a story but are looking for something to put in it, it's a good resource. Want to write a story about a woman desperately evading a supernatural creature in rural Kentucky but have no idea what kind of foul beast is going to feature? Check the smutcyclopedia. That kind of thing.
>>6665857
so do they all use that 1 female on the left under the minotaur to breed? cause i'm seeing nothing but dicks and only 1 vag.
>>6679362
>>6679371
I guess so, but I just think it's better for everyone in the long run for writers to come up with things on their own. It gives them a way to exercise their creativity that's far better than simply looking up somebody else's idea and tweaking it ever so slightly is.
I mean, I'm not entirely opposed to it, I just think it could all too easily become a crutch that does more harm than good to newcomers who need to develop their own ideas above all else.
Plus, it could unintentionally make everyone assume every member of the species listed in the database acts exactly the same way, which is far from conducive to character development. All I'm saying is, don't let those nagging details determine everything about members of a given species.
>>6679395
All valid points, but I think you worry too much. Then again, I may worry too little. I think it would be more useful as a source for ideas, much in the same way that a random generator can lead to all kinds of interesting characters or stories. Actually, I think I would rather like to see a random generator for this kind of thing. No story comes entirely from your own ideas. I think that it could be a great benefit to have some kind of resource to help fill in those gaps.
>>6672291
Is this it? I just happened to read it the other day.
http://www.grometsplaza.net/world/buried/storiesad/the_box.html
There's some really great talent in these threads.
I was wondering if anyone here has any experience with commercial releases, or at least with putting things together in a more structured format, i.e. for print or ebooks.
I've been experimenting with some different looks for something I've been working on and could use some advice. I think this look could work well in print, but of course that presents a whole host of hurdles. E-books seem like the logical alternative, but I'm concerned about readability.
Any thoughts?
Oh, and you can read more of this story here:
http://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/FlannaganTheRed/14894/Daughter-of-Demons
>>6679516
It takes more hands to read a book than an ebook. Also, Amazon seems to have some nice e-publishing resources. I think that what you have would be plenty readable in either format. I do, however, feel obliged to point out that something unspeakable happened to her right arm. The rest of that looks nice, but I think that you totally flobbed the perspective in that area. She looks like she has one midget arm.
Thought I'd post here with the first commision I've had. Its quite short at only 3300 words and mostly focused on the porn
Only been writing for about a month and I'd like to get out of some bad habits early while I can, so any criticisms are very helpful.
Tags; Insect x female human, Sci-fi, Oviposition, Pregnant, Forced, Paralysis.
http://pastebin.com/3ND4s9M0
>>6679516
Is that your art? It's amazing.
[nospoilersond]You should really give tags to your stories, though[/nospoilersond]
>>6679821
Before I get into the meat of what I wanted to say, I have a few storytelling recommendations. First of all, try to work details into the narrative instead of just dumping them. Many of the details you gave of the planet could have been given from the girl's perspective, perhaps from observation or as she's reading a pamphlet. It makes learning the details of your setting a lot less dry. You should also focus more on description: don't say what the character is feeling, say what is happening to her and what she is doing. For example, instead of saying something like "she was terrified", talk about how she could feel the blood rush from her extremities, or the turning feeling in her stomach. The impact is much greater and it helps the flow of your prose. Otherwise, it comes off as he/she did [verb] to him/her and becomes very repetitive. Also, there is no reason to switch to the bug's PoV when it was first entering. Just let the reader view the world through the girl's eyes.
Now for the important part. I'm not going to mince words, you grammar is horrible. It was honestly a struggle to find anything else to comment on when I was literally cringing and trying to skip over entire sentences. You use comma splices, misuse dashes and both types of colon, have multiple run-on sentences and even one sentence that goes on for an entire paragraph without using a single correct piece of punctuation. This is not a lack of proofreading, but a fundamental ignorance of the rules of grammar. Please, for your own sake and for anyone else who may read your stories, make a detailed review of punctuation rules. Review literally everything, as it is all wrong. The only thing I did not see you misuse at some point in the story is a question mark.
No proofreader or editor can fix your mistakes here. You are going to have to relearn virtually every punctuation rule before you can improve in any other way. This is just too hard to read.
So I got crazy horny and wrote this as an ode to women and why I think they're attractive
http://pastebin.com/RDjvNKB9
I just wanted to share with you lads.
>>6680143
This is kinda what I was looking for, someone to be blunt with what's wrong.
The first point I can easily take on board.
But my grammar has always been like this since school, so I think it will be a bit harder to change. Nether the less I will spend the next few days learning what I can in hopes to improve.
Thanks for being honest though, really helps to know what to work on.
>>6680485
Your teachers should be taken to the ropes for that. Try writing significantly shorter sentences. Do not use anything but commas and periods, as they're the only ones anyone strictly needs. The rest can come later, if at all. Also, try reading everything you write out loud. It helps a lot of people. Do not pause to breathe until you hit a period. This should tell you a lot. Many people feel like they need to write a specific way, that prose should not sound like speech. These people are wrong. Longass sentences with multiple dependent clauses and four different forms of punctuation are for contract lawyers, bullshitters, and English majors desperately trying to justify their degrees.
>>6680485
>I think it will be a bit harder to change.
Read more fiction. Your brain will automatically absorb the authors' writing styles.
>>6680943
Drat. The vast majority of what I've read in life is non-fiction. No wonder my prose is so terrible.
>>6672236
Thanks very much! I'm going to try and slow down the action a bit more, try and give it more of an impact I think.
>>6677889
I think I'll adopt a name when I post my updates, make them a bit easier to find.
I think I'm going to cut out the sprinting altogether. It seemed like a neat idea at the time, but there is no real point to it other than getting her tired.
I have completely missed the spacing for perspective changes - not something I did on purpose. I'll be going back and separating them out so it's easier to tell when the perspective shifts.
I'll go back over 84-87 and see if I can soften it up a bit, make it more legible. I kind of felt that way when I was writing, and I tend to kind of gloss over parts that I have trouble with in favor of going back and editing them later. It's much easier to write when your flow isn't interrupted and you can kind of push through those parts where it does get interrupted.
I never really had a thing for soul vore either, but it seemed to fit there, and I think I have a good idea for its future role in this story as well.
I will destroy said hyphen. Microsoft Word has betrayed me on that one.
Expect these changes to appear on the paste later tonight (central time)
Thanks so much for writing all this up! I want to improve and write the stories stuck in my head, and I don't think I could do that without constructive feedback like this.
>>6665807
So yeah, someone made a Weekend Smut Thread on /tg/:
>>>/tg/45396709
It hasn't been deleted yet, but is still autosaged...
>>6681874
So much for thinking that they'd forgotten about us by now, huh? If that autosage filter is still up after all this time, it's probably here to stay.
I can't bear to look, how many people are directing the poor sod who made it over here?
>>6681888
>So much for thinking that they'd forgotten about us by now, huh? If that autosage filter is still up after all this time, it's probably here to stay.
Actually, it'd be easier to assume they just forgot the Filter was in place...
...But you're probably that false flagger that keeps saying we belong here, so whatever...
>>6682147
And here I was hoping you'd let that bee out of your bonnet, ND. I'm ashamed of you. More so than usual, I mean.
Weren't you working on something last I saw you on here? How is that working out for you?
Story Request
Tentacles, Consentacles, Breast Sucking, Masturbation
A girl is masturbating in front of a computer to her favourite tentacle image; wishing she was the girl in the picture. Suddenly she sees a tentacle poking out of the screen. After poking it a couple of times to see if its real; she pulls it towards her mouth and begins to suck. Not long later the tentacle cums in her mouth before retreating back into the screen. This upsets the girl and she begins to plead it back out. After she loses hope, several tentacles shoot out of the screen and hold her in the air. She is given little time to rejoice before they stuff her pussy; eliciting squeals of joy. The girl then mentions her breasts feel left out, with with they respond by spawning two more tentacles and swallowing her breasts whole. After being made to cum countless times the scene fades to black, ending with her waking up on her chair leading to think it was a dream; until she looks at her pussy and sees a huge pool of cum leaking out.
>>6682147
>>6681888
>>6681874
It was more an experiment on my part to test the waters.
I found them smelling like piss.
Oh well.
>>6682206
This was great, thank you!
>>6682253
Yeah, like no-one saw that coming.
>>6682253
What were you expecting? /tg/ has changed, and not the good way. Its drawthreads are trolled into only lasting a day, the Chronicler Storytime threads are barely even alive and hardly anything interesting has happened to that place in years. It has become a mess-hole filled with shitposters.
>>6682255
It was only a request.I probably took the whole 'be descriptive with your request' thing a bit too far, but I'm no writer
Pros/Cons of using OCs in a story compared to Established Characters?
>>6682335
Pros: You don't have to stick to a predefined personality, more room to develop the characters.
Cons: Making a personality for them to begin with is a difficult feat in itself.
>>6682335
Only pros of using established characters is that you might very well have an avid audience.
>>6682335
It depends on how important the Established Characters are, are they main ones or small bit characters that aren't well known at all?
>Pros: With Original Characters you can make their own stories, thoughts and background
>Cons: Making their stories, thoughts and backgrounds is pretty damn difficult, but fun rewarding in the long run if you stick with it.
What are you writing, where is it taking place?
You have to make the OC at least fit into the story, unless the whole idea is completely original.
Context: Dragon-Boy kidnapped by a fearsome lone raider. Many others have been kidnapped as well, and this is one of a few stories I've written about interactions among the boy and the other crew. Sort of a softcore shota-ish, cutesy little scene.
http://pastebin.com/KGVbdjiy
If it gets decent feedback, I'll post some more (they're not all /d/-content besides involving monstergirls, but I just want to get some of my work out there).
>>6682650
>besides involving monstergirls
Enough for us.
>dragon-boy
>doesn't have hemipenes
Disappointed. Still will fap.
>>6682938
>dragons
>lizard traits
Questionable worldbuilding there. Are you one of those princess apologists I've heard so much about?
Has anyone heard of Inker recently ? Or did the police finally captured him ?
>>6683087
He was around a week ago or so. I'll try to keep an eye out and send a message to him via his Steam profile if I see him there.
>>6682971
The word dragon literally comes from the Ancient Greek word for serpent. They have always been described as giant reptiles or snakes. Are you trolling or just retarded?
>>6668264
>>6668368
>>6668371
Hey, INeedSleep, if you see this, this is about that chastity story you said you'd write. I'd just like to ask for one change, and that's with the magic toy. Please make it a big one. Thick, large, a really pussy breaker. Like, her holes are gaping wide after she's used it. And if you can write a part where the two are out on a date, and she's walking around with the toy and a huge buttplug as well, that would be great. Actually, the femboy's plugs should be huge as well. I'm sure she would train him a lot during the timeskip. Ok, that was all. Hope to read it soon.
>>6683250
Worldbuilding is my fetish. Post it.
>>6683162
I'm very sorry that the concept of humor doesn't exist for you. It must be rough.
Hey people. Chapter 12 of "Welcome to Saturn Beta" is up. <3
http://www.tgstorytime.com/viewstory.php?sid=2954&chapter=12
>>6683523
And what is this exactly? I've never heard of it being mentioned on these parts of /d/.
>>6683601
See:
>>>http://1d4chan.org/wiki//tg/%27s_Smut_Index
Its in there.
>>6683649
I did, and it isn't anywhere in there.
>>6683649
I'm not seeing it in there.
>>6665807
99% of the time i come onto this board and fap to my hearts content to horrific tentacled abominations but sometimes like if i come on in a bad mood or after thinking about real shit i feel like crying/gagging when i see a pic like this
>>6679516
Just wanted to say that this is pretty damn great, both the story and the art. Definitely hope to see more.
>>6672649
It took me a week, but I finally got around to reading the second part of this. Honestly, it's quite a bit better than the first part, thought there are still a few examples of the things I pointed out in the first part.
The only real criticism I have is that the MC is almost cartoonishly spiteful. His actions are frankly not believable unless you're writing about a mentally ill person (which is rarely a good idea). He's practically an h-manga antagonist at this point. I would consider toning down his abuse of powers slightly. There is an expectation that he's going to do mean things, but he's cutting a bit deep for someone with almost no personal stake. Changing people's sexuality is an understandable use of power. Raping someone who's in a relationship with a friend, then trapping another friend with that memory an an inability to speak of it is a bit too much.
How does /efg/ feel about dominions chains, blood knight chronicles, and collared empire?
>>6684159
Can't say, mostly because I never heard of any of those.
>>6684172
Pretty sure that Dominion's Chains is an ongoing story written by Lucien, that guy who draws all the demon futa stuff. I've never looked at it because futa really isn't my thing.
>>6684316
Pretty sure I know that guy through friends...... (maybe)
>>6666813
>>6666799
"Here's a story that really shows how terrible my dialogue is," Silent II said.
Aside from that, I think I made well on my promise to touch up on the things you mentioned, or at least I did for two out of three.
Perspective was (sort of) easy enough. I kind of cheated by having one of the characters half-asleep throughout the ordeal.
Wordiness was also looked into. I reread it each time I started to work on it again, both to get my mojo flowing and to cut out anything I thought was redundant or unnecessary.
But the "noun verb noun" part, oh my goodness, that was killing me. I think I've found the number one reason why my style is so lacking. It seems no matter how hard I try, my thoughts just keep on flowing in that drab manner. I mean, maybe it was just because the entire story took place in a single location, making description feel a little redundant at times, but that's just making poor excuses. I don't know. I'll just have to try extra hard next time and remind myself that there's more to storytelling than action.
Anyways, here's my latest attempt, once again pretty light on smut. It's "Smut for the Soul", you could say: http://pastebin.com/KSsRriyM
And a little something extra because the in-story description doesn't do the little pocket of paradise justice: http://i.imgur.com/8biB6AB.jpg
Tags: hetero, monster girl, beholder girl, gazer, consensual hypnotism, no penetration, romance, explicit hand-holding
>>6684570
As it happened, I was already reading this. Honestly, it looks a lot better on all accounts. The constant dialogue broke up the prose rather well and actually fit the story. I think that you might have given the guy a bit too much of a spoken part for someone under hypnosis, but it came together pretty well regardless. Keep it up.
I'd like to request a story involving a dragon(boy/girl, your choice, just no literal dragons) rescuing a (princess/prince, again your choice) from a mean, evil, or generally unlikable suitor. I think it would be funny if it was on accident, like the dragongirl/boy just happened to raid the castle the rescuee is at on the night of the wedding and rather than a screaming, fearful royal they find someone relieved they can get out of their wedding. Cue romantic sex afterwards.
>>6684658
Something like this?
>>6684660
Same idea, yes.
So would any writers have advice to help not over-think shit or put too much care into the audience's reaction before the work is even done? It's literally killing all drive to write.
>>6684803
Take it easy when you write. When I write, I relax, put on some music, and drink whiskey. It helps to keep a habit like that, as it puts you into the right mindset for writing. I also have a strict policy of never reading my own material as I write. Any incomplete work is going to be disappointing, so you are much more likely to make unnecessary changes if you keep checking back over your work. If you only ever read your stories after they're written, you get a much better feel for the entire story and can shore up holes and make corrections then.
As far as worrying about reader reaction goes, the only thing I can say is "don't". If your story doesn't come out well, no one is going to hate you for it. The worst-case scenario is that someone reads it and gives you constructive criticism in the hopes that you will improve. We're a very friendly group, overall. If you're afraid of us, you should probably put on a helmet and hide in your basement with a few years' worth of dried food.
>>6684820
I'm less afraid of you all and more afraid of the reputation my name holds.
>>6684880
If you have a long-standing reputation, it's going to be hard to hurt it. If you don't, it's not bad to be known as someone who had a rough-ish start and improved greatly. Also, it's unlikely that anyone cares who you are as much as you do. Even if you crank out steaming piles of shit now and then, it's unlikely that many people will have the enthusiasm to actively dislike you. Chances are, we'll all forget in about twenty minutes. Your greatest critic will always be you.
>>6684885
It's not here, but on /jp/.
>>6684658
Sounds like a pretty fun idea, I'll get working on it once I got the time.
>>6684924
Your reputation on /jp/? Are you a /mgg/ writefag?
>>6685014
Unfortunately, yes. But not all of my fetishes line up with theirs.
>>6685042
As in you don't sperg at the mention of yuri or maledom? That makes you normal. So, are you wanting to write something in an ongoing series that doesn't align with their autism or are you wanting to write something new that doesn't align with their autism? If it's the latter, then there's always the option of adopting a second penname.
>>6685042
That's because they have no fetishes. I'd suggest making any pastes you don't want them to see hidden and just post them here and onto our 1d4chan index.
Every so once in a while, I think about writing over there. Then I remember that it's a horrible idea.
>>6685048
Something new that takes themes from an old comic I read years ago. Given that it wouldn't necessarily fall in line with "monster girl" unless you count shape shifting to hide its true nature it's easy to see why their autism would flare up.
>>6685060
Then just post it here. Shapeshifting is /d/ enough and certainly sounds sci-fi/fantasy enough to be /tg/. There are plenty of writefags and drawfags that crosspost. You wouldn't be the first. You won't be the last.
>>6685060
Only post it here, post it as unlisted in your pastebin. No one here is part of the group you're worried about, practically by definition. We couldn't care less about the topic of your stories. We take all comers.
>>6685052
>they have no fetishes
Sure they do. Xenophilia is ubiquitous there, except for the paladinfags, but them too because they got there somehow. They just like being contrary. Then there's they bullyfags and the femdomfags, which are both common enough. Then there are the ones with specific monstergirl feature fetishes, monoeye for example.
>>6685065
>unlisted
Fuck that. Just use a new name or stop caring what they think of what you do when you're elsewhere.
>>6684594
Your words have made my week and It's only Monday. I won't let it get to my head, though.
I do have another question I always wanted to ask: who do you think my style is aping? I've only been writing for less than a third of a year, I can't have spontaneously generated my own personal style in that time.
>>6685067
Monster girls aren't even xenophilia the way they do them. Humans with extra bits is hardly a real fetish. I think that if anything, they get off on bullying writefags.
>>6685073
Well, not xenophilia in the way /d/ does it. I mean xenophilia in that they are turned on by clearly non-human features. Heck, it can literally mean being attracted to people from a different country/ethnic group.
>>6685073
>Xenophilia
To be quite honest famiglia I'd love a blowjob from a Xenomorph come to think about it. So long as 'she' doesn't use that horrifying vagina dentata on a cock tongue of hers to turn me into a fine red paste.
>>6685072
I have no idea what you're asking. Writing style develops naturally. Unless it's a conscious effort, you're not imitating a single person.
>>6685230
>you're not imitating a single person.
Excellent.
So are almost all the stories here written in active over passive? Can't really see the difference.
>>6686741
Considering the subject matter, it kinda has to be, I'd have thought?
>>6686741
Writing in passive voice is bad writing no matter what it is you're writing, anon.
>>6686741
Are you mixing up active/passive with present/past tense? Third person past is preferred desu senpai. Exceptions are where you have an unreliable narrator or a narrator with an interesting way of thinking that shows through in the narration, in which case First person past is acceptable. Present tense is for hacks who use meme arrows.
>>6686761
Technical writing is usually passive. That is practically the only exception unless context gives you a really, really good reason.
We're still good for 49 more replies.
HOLY SHIT
There's a new chapter of B&P, fuck yes. I haven't been lurking for quite a while.
>>6684943
Late reply, but I can't wait to see what you come up with!
>>6687978
If you have any feedback, feel free to drop it into the thread. I usually lurk even if I don't post much.
Though I do hope to have something finished to contribute next week, so we'll see how that goes.
>>6688081
Just telling you now, it's a doozy. This thing is getting me back into my writing mood and I love it, so expect somethin' pretty damn good by my standards.
I like to think I have some pretty good standards winkwink
