>>685195952
Insanely good.
All my friends and family think I am pretty happy and confident.

In reality, I live in a very dark world where most things depress the fuck out of me and just getting out of bed is hard.

>be me
>18
>Still live with parents
>going to college this summer
>family shuns mental disabilities
>also, they claim depression is one
>I have to hide my depression everyday
>they are slowly catching on
>Can't tell my friends either, end up keeping everyone at a distance
>I cry myself to sleep a lot
>but all in all keep it hidden
>Can't an hero because I would feel guilty abandoning my family
>so I keep it hidden well I'd say

>>685196481
My depression used to keep me up at night and cause me to eat alot but over the last week I've changed. Feel tired all the time and find I'm not hungry, and only eat out of boredom

>>685196656
I feel you anon.
I personally hide mine because I don't want the pity.

No offense but your family sound like cunts.

>>685197087
They are. Also they are the kind that don't go to church or read the Bible, but shun athiests. So more information to hide from them.

i'v kept my depression hidden for 5 years, family dont have a clue. always been a loner so they dont think its wierd that i stay inside all day.
my depression is at the worst its ever been. at night i cannot sleep cause i be depressed and trapped in my own mind of selfhatred.
i was suppose to end my life yesterday but i felt guilty and pussied out. one day i will be realised from this world and i am looking forward to it.
How would i explain myself in a suicide note?

>>685197394
ugh those are the worst.
The undedicated hypocritical christians.
If you are going to spout that shit, at least be true to it.

>>685197752
I feel you bro
But suicide is not the answer

You just need to slowly change you life into something that will make you happy. Slowly kill those demons inside of you. Day by day, little by little.

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>10/10 gf breaks up with me for a different guy
>be me like 7/10
>about two months ago
>think about her 24/7
>tried to get her back multiple times
>she dosent want to get back
>don't know what to do with life anymore
>these two months have felt longer than the past 19 years of my life
>super depressed
>don't know how to fix it
>have tried fucking other girls ( 2 others)
>still not helping at all
>usually don't have problems getting girls so it's not the fact that I want a girl it's that I want her
>what the fuck do I do /b/

>>685198116
problem is, i hate people. everytime im going to do something my mind races and think of every fucking scenario that han possible happend. like who will i meet. what would i stay. how shoiuld i stand, where should i look. everything goes trough my mind and its killing me and making me even more depressed. i cannot se how i can get a work and earn money

>>685198401
u should play more videogames

>>685198401
stop being a bitch

>>685198401
stop being a pussy and crawling at her feet go find someone else that will make you happy and show her off. -ex gf will get jealous and start trying to slide in your inbox. fuck her off and tell her how much of a cum bucket she is. stay with other girl and smash. Profit

>>685198566
sounds like AvPD

>>685198401
lol gtfo
This thread is about real, long term depression.

Not being upset about some girl. We have all been there, first few months will be hard but it will past. Especially at 19.

>>685198401
19 is mad young. im 28 and the gf dipped on me after 5 years about 6 monthd ago.... i went through similer at ur age but inwas with the girl for 3 years and i was 22 whenwe split.... u got ur best years comin bro. shake it off

>>685198722
Virgin detected

>>685198840
AvPD?

>>685198949
Thanks man

>>685198566
Yeah I use do that to. Had major social anxiety.
I slowly realized that people really arent paying that much attention to you, most are too involved in them selfs.

Its all in your head man, just learn to let it go.
I use to get really high before any major social event to make it easier, so you could try that.

>>685198951
fag detected

>>685199047
np dude. i lost my twin brother at 21. i learned to lose i guess

>>685199135
theres not easy to get pot where i live, live in a very smal town 20k people. and the second u buy shit the police knows about it cause people tend to snitch alot to the cops where i live. pot is looked upon heroin in my town aswell. people who smokes are doomed people say

and i have tought of getting professional help but i just avoid it at every turn

>>685198967
avoidant personality disorder, I assumed you could google.

"People with this condition may be extremely shy, fear ridicule, and be overly concerned with looking foolish."

Or it could be you have no confidence and no esteem. don't self diagnose that makes you look autistic.

>>685195952
Only person who can notice when I am depressed is my wife. Can fool everyone else easily.

suffer through the day and get really high, drunk or both at night

>>685199597
>>685199135
well thanks for tips and answers, getting sad and angry atmyself just talking about it so ill leave. but thanks

>>685199722
Ever thought about anti depressants?

>>685195952
I don't really mask it, if you look closely you can easily tell how depressed I am. My posture, the way I speak, my negativity. I guess I just make an attempt to hide it by calling out other people on their flaws and saying generally rude and insensitive things meant to shock people. I don't really see a point in pretending like I'm not depressed when I obviously am. I can barely eat, sleep, and establish new social connections. I have friends that I talk to here and there, and they all believe I'm pretty tough. And I guess I am. I don't ever look vulnerable or talk about my feelings, but that isn't a facade. I can't really feel anything, I basically just feel so numb on the inside. On the outside, too. I don't feel sorry for anyone and I can't have fun or relate to people like I used to. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

debating whether to come to terms with what is probably Dysthymia or something like that.

since I hit around 19 or 20 I hit a figurative wall and basically have been in a depressed state. I simply do not remember when the last time i felt joy for over more than a few hours at a time.

I've been trying to rebuild myself naturally by building confidence and self esteem, but nothing seems to be working.

I feel like taking SSRis would be like giving up, but I just want to be able to feel something other than emptiness.

>>685196481
This...

Also:
>>685201519

I make stupid jokes that people laugh at sometimes so the see me as happy person so eh

>>685195952
i do not understand the concept of depression, is it due to gravitational fields?

>>685202716
same. works pretty good

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I tell suicide jokes to my friends to hide the fact that I think of suicide.

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>>685196481
This.
Might kill myself after i receive my last paycheck. Will spend all of it on alcohol, cigars and sleeping pills.

>>685198401
kind of related, it doesn't get better

>be me, have love of my life secured since the 7th grade
>leave and come back sometimes because I think I'm hot shit
>knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her but I was young and wanted to experience relationships with other girls
>told me she would always be there for me to come back no matter what
>ridiculous to expect but I was young and selfish
>be 16, leave again
>someone who I thought was a good friend started talking to her
>find out, 86 that shit and get back with her
>leave again because I'm so fucking stupid
>he starts back up
>realize I don't want what I thought I wanted
>justwanther.jpg
>end up talking every day and having sex very often before they're "officially" together
>promises me she's going to come back
>continues for 2 years, the latter being more on and off because of me not wanting to be in the situation
>speak every now and then after, sex on the occasion I can convince her to hang out
>fuck up drastically, say some hurtful things
>get blocked
>turned 19 yesterday, been a long time since she promised she would be back
>been in relationships and had casual sex in between, nothing is her
>still miss her, think of her just about every day
>the ride never ends

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>>685203491
At least you got to be with her.

I am very depressed, its been this way for years, almost 10 years now.. I thought I was getting better lately, but instead I'm just becoming a bigger scum than the scum I used to be.

I think I'll end it soon, I'm not sure what I'm waiting for..

> be me, almost 30 years old
> Have gf of 6 years, many of these at long distance with visits and online talks in between
> Meet a girl locally who changes my world
> Soulmate level material
> She's smart, stunningly beautiful, we share the same humor and think in similar ways, a number of similar interests
> We "just click" and spend a lot of time together
> Confess feelings to her
> Rejected, she's emotionality unavailable (and in therapy for this)
> She wants to stay friends.
> There's a special tier of pain reserved for watching someone you love get willingly picked up by douchebag men at a club, even if you know it's only for sex.
> Two months with local girl were more meaningful to me than my entire existing relationship
> Scared that women exist who can turn my world on its head in an instant then shatter it completely

While not the cause of my depression this has really thrown me into the bottom of a deep, dark pit that I feel like I can't escape from. She was a once-in-a-lifetime to me. Don't know how to continue with life.

>>685204011
To be honest, what are the options you have left?
Do you have a steady job or something?

>>685200746
This sounds like something I would write. So I wrote out two separate responses to this and then decided not to post them because I couldn't find any reason to share my own experiences. It's at least interesting to know that I'm not alone in this reaction to existence.

bamp

>>685200746
I deeply relate to this. How do you cope with the fact that no one really cares? Pushing through and bottling up seems to be hitting a limit inside of me, which is odd since I feel I have been doing this my whole life.

>>685205189
Wrrrryyy?

>>685205337
yea it was for the wrong thread sorry anon

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>>685205337
Why not?
Some writers use these threads as inspiration.

>>685205213
I'm the other guy that responded to him. The only possible solution that's occurred to me would be to make a significant change in your life so that you have a chance to alter your behaviors more easily. It seems that ultimately, it's change or die.

>>685195952

very good. 36 now, absolutely no friends left, shitty part time job where no one cares. Relationships all fail because women are soulless egoistic whores. Come home after work, cuddle my loyal dog, be alone, feel empty inside.

>>685205551
The problem with depression is that the joy is sucked from everything. Nothing new that I try is enjoyable so my life remains empty.

>>685206252
D:

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>>685206252
That's pretty alright.
I wish i were like you.

>>685205213
I'm the kiddo who made the original post you replied to. My answer to that question is, I don't cope. I don't have any specific coping methods, I just continue doing everything the way I've always done it. It feels like I could do it for a million years and not feel a thing. Bottling things up isn't a very smart thing to do, considering the fact that that method usually ends with someone reaching their breaking point and snapping. I suggest you don't bottle things up, but express them in a way that gives you some sort of relief. You don't have to come off as vulnerable. As someone else said, your life calls for change.

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>>685206600
If only change was that easy.

>>685206533

dog helps, gives me basic structure, cares for me, i care for him. I gave up on humans. I can interact with them when i must but i dont care about them anymore.

>>685206600
Thank you
Also unexpected dubs

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Every time i feel like shit.
Remember the life that never was...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1mC9hxnLyM

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>>685195952
I hide it because I feel like a piece of shit when showing it

>>685207138
The least i want to be is an attention whore, that's the reason i don't show it....
Feel you.

what's your guys current favorite sad song?

here's mine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xvA9mfz-8Ns

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>>685207018
I am more of a cat lover, i would have a cat if my family didn't throw them out of the house.
But i know what you mean.

>>685207520
move out then dumbass. i honestly don't understand people who still live with their parents after hs...

>>685206411
That's why you need to make a drastic change. Move, get a new job, move in with different people, just something to get away from the stagnation. It may not work. I'm yet to try it. I've tries to sober up, work out, be productive, but ultimately, there's never enough motivation to maintain it like I use to. So a drastic change is my last idea.

I've had depression since I was 12. Through middle school and high school I was weird and a loner but I learned to blend and obtain the things I wanted. I got friends, a girlfriend, did fun things, got into a good college, got good grades. Nothing helped and frankly, I've only got a few ideas left but I'm losing my willpower worse than ever before.

Man, life sucks. Everybody needs to think long and hard about rolling the genetic dice and having children. Protip: Don't do it. It's not worth it if you might create life like us. The risk is always there, no matter how good your genetics are.

Any /b/ro have good advice?

I've been in a relationship with this girl for a little more than half a year now. We're both really great together.
But it's been hard dealing with her anxiety and occasional depression.
She tends to act distant unintentionally and I try my best to assure myself that its just her anxiety making her act the way she does.
I talk to her about how I feel and how she makes me feel and she is quick to correct herself whenever she can. But it doesn't seem to last. She is going to see a therapist very soon.

How do i find the strength to keep living with her condition while still loving her?

Hey, in the lowest point I've ever been and see no way out. My masks slipping & people are seeing. Really been thinking about hitting up a psych. Anyone have any experience?

>>685207442
It's not sad, but at least is my mentality, lately.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uGWtL-17y0

>>685206600
I don't necessarily bottle it either. It just sort of washes over me if that makes sense.

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>>685195952
im a robot so i just put on my happy mask on and pretend im happy

>>685208024
how old are you?

>>685207816
Feel this man.

>>685208224
20
Not old enough to say I've been around the block

I just saw a little white girl, with a big nigger who was obviously her stepfather and now I'm depressed again. Help me /b/, I hate niggers and I feel bad for the little girl having to grow up knowing that her mum is a coalburner and having a nigger running around the house.

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>>685207694
I'm not that kind of person, as soon as i dropped out college i moved out and worked for a couple of years, went from work on work.
Moved back to my parents house because quitted my las job, waiting for my last paycheck so i travel somewhere else or i just spend all of it on alcohol, cigars and sleeping pills.

>>685208061


Are psychiatrists a meme?

I have been depressed for about 15 years. I don't have the energy to fake it past a few hours. I stopped taking my anti depressants a few days ago in prep for finally succeeding in suicide. The plan is to go in July. I'm tired of the struggle of staying alive for other people's sake.

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>>685208335
I would advice that you stick to her, most of the times company is what we need.
Try for a little longer.

>>685208769
>>685208061
A psychiatrist will only subscribe medication until you find the right one. It's very unlikely that he will actually sit down and listen to your problems if that is what you are looking for. If that is the case then you should consider seeing a counselor first.

If you are a college student sometimes your tuition will cover visits to school counselors.

>>685208976
I want to hear about your life and your problems anon. Why is your life so shitty bro? I'm listening and curious.

>>685209142
This.

>>685209029
thanks, i think i have enough will to pull through

>>685208976
Feel you man, ill try on june, hope i don't fail.
Hope we succeed.

>>685203391
fuck of clippy you never have anything useful to say

>>685209142
Not sure really what I'm after just not to be like this any more as it stands can't stay like this and my efforts yield no results - UK fag free mental aid - Each of the three areas have a program of courses run by qualified therapists

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>>685209816
Bob Ross does tho.

>>685210023
Guided self help, sign - posting and talking therapies (CBT) ---

Not sure if any of this is good been trying to call for a while but paranoia kicks in

>>685197752
"I wish you had believed me."
- JL

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I'm only writing this because I feel a panic attack coming on and would rather not spend the night in the shower hyperventilating. Writing it out makes me calmer. This is multiple parts, if you actually care. I don't car e if anyone reads it, I just wanna write it.

Nobody has ever wanted me.

My Mother pretended to be seriously ill with a mystery disease since I was about 3. She kept me out of school since first grade and went on and on about how me and my brother were the only people she had. We rarely left the house, and when we did, maybe only for an hour at a time.

From age 5, my Mom told me horrible things about my Dad. What a bad person he was, how he didn't care about any of us, etc. I remember the day because I went from jumping on my Dad to wake him up every morning to avoiding him completely.

I spent all my days playing video games and when we got a computer (1999 or so) I spend all my time researching things I found interesting on the internet. Since I was never educated, this was my primary teacher. (I have a good job now and I got good grades in college, but the structure was too much for me to handle and I dropped out and got a professional certificate instead.)

When I was about 9, she cheated on my Dad with a 25 year old meth cook (She was probably about 36 at this time) and moved me and my brother in with him. I tried to fight him once and he took a swing at me. Locked him out of the house, etc. I remember our house being raided once too, he jumped out the back window. Oh, and he tried to kill us in our sleep by setting the oven as high as it went with a pizza in it and leaving it on all night. It was a small house and had my mother not woken us up, we'd have died of smoke inhalation.

When I was 16, my Mom magically got better. She was faking this 'mystery disease' the whole time. She divorced my Dad, demanded full custody, and since I 'hated' my Dad because he was 'a horrible person', I told them I wanted to stay with my Mom.

>>685210245
Also after going I believe I will be out on a mental list register.. will this affect me in the future with jobs etc ? Don't wana go then it not help and fuck up even more

anyone else get that weird sort of comfort from depression?

>>685209308
I've got the PTSD from growing up with my dad. He had this explosive, unpredictable anger. My brothers and I have been knocked out cold over and over. I spent my early childhood as a tradeable product for my dad's friends.
I dont have a job or car. I dont even have a damn keyboard. Im a useless government leech.
Ive done therapy, drugs, and institutions. Weed helps, but its just a bandaid.
I should have died already but i was a pussy. I'm ready to go now.

>>685210359
Continue

>>685203743
Found the 16 year old

>>685210655
I really enjoy it -- Um? But it has a nice feel about it , only problem is I don't / cant do anything which is a must in this world

>>685204146
You're giving someone the power to ruin your entire life with a decision.
If I were you, I wouldn't give them that pattern.

>>685210655
Me, but in the end it all returns to the need of company.

>>685204146
*power
Sorry

>>685209630
Even an eternity of darkness is better than this.

Good journey to you bro.

>>685210859
yeah exactly like it prevents me from doing things but it's also something that i sort of enjoy coming back to at the end of the day. like something about feeling that alone or whatever

but at this point it's hard to tell if i use it as an excuse to procrastinate and such because i don't know what life without depression is like, or if there's even a difference between me and "normal" people

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>>685211019
Agreed.

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>be me
>did drama for 4 years
>straight A's in practical and b's in theory
>done hundred of peformances ranging from musicals to host for newfag drama students performances
>can play a character really well
>been plang a character my whole life
>depression shrouds be
>nobody knows

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>>685195952
I've got a folder.
A pretty big one too.
A folder on my computer.
A folder on my phone.
A folder on my tablet.
The folder.
It just sits there.
The middle of my computer screen, no other items than the recycle bin.
A really small folder.
With pictures.
Feels pictures.
I'm waiting on a day.
The day someone clicks on that folder.
It's the folder I say, 'don't click on that' to my one, singular friend.
He never does.
I respect him for that, but I want someone to click it.
I want someone to see who I really am.
No one knows about my folder.
I'm waiting for a friend who wants to see in that folder.
That's the day I find my soulmate.
But I have no friends to click on that folder.
Besides one.
But he doesn't care about me anymore.
He gave me up for some piece of shit.
I'm not jealous, he's a dirty piece of shit.
This is the first time I told anybody, /b/.
Anon place, is my only place.

>>685210311
what

>>685211176
This. v
>>685207085

>>685210359

Despite demanding full custody, she proceeded to go out fucking dudes and only come home about once a month. I was 16, yeah, but nobody taught me how to drive. So me and my little brother ran out of food multiple times. Sometimes my Dad would come and buy us groceries, sometimes my Grandma would come. But never my Mom.

After the same song and dance for a year, I told my Mom that she had to stop dating drug users and stealing from me and my brother, or I was going to live with my Dad. She picked Boozy McMidlifecrisis over me, so I left. (This is actually one of my biggest regrets. Not leaving, leaving was the best thing I've ever done. But my older brother left when I was 15 and knew the things she did, and he abandoned us in my eyes. Here, I did the same fucking thing and left my younger brother alone with this cunt for 4 more fucking years, and those last 4 years were the worst. She lost what the fuck was left of her mind. The things this kid saw would wreck your soul. And I left him to it alone)

She drank herself to death 4 years ago. I'm now the black sheep of my family because I refuse to forgive the things she'd done. I was more pissed off, because her final act to fuck me up was to die in front of me. Fuck that bitch.

So, now I'm 18 and I realize my Dad was actually a fucking hero. Fighting behind the scenes to help us, trying to take legal action but the courts always sided with my Mother. But my behavior under her false influence has ruined our relationship forever. Now, being quite well off, he just provides money to me because he feels guilty about not having been there.

Horrifically enough, you know how they say you always end up with someone like your Mom? Every girl I have dated has somehow fucked me over.

First girl I ever asked out: Addicted to Oxy. Had her friends jump me in a mall parking lot and steal my wallet.
First real girlfriend: Was fucking around with multiple guys the whole time we were together. She needed attention.

>>685211521
pretty small one*, sorry.

>>685208081
Yeah it makes perfect sense.

>>685210744
Reinvent yourself anon. You're already chosen death, so why not put it off for a little bit longer? Leave everything behind and move somewhere else.. do something crazy. Sell all your shit and go out and live in the woods or in fucking Thailand or something. Go fuck a girl or a guy or both at the same time.

You only get this one life bro. Use it wisely.

>>685211176
I feel it has shaped my personality and my outlook of the world that I do not think I would of gained without depression.

alas though I have a heavy agoraphobia as well as a mirad of other things that have led me to have to change everything to survive. I have to change everything. not ready. jpeg

>>685211483
I would hug you.

>>685211521
I'll open your folder anon

>>685211528
but i also haven't gone to get diagnosed or anything because i tried when i was younger and my parents totally isolated me for a couple years so idk how they'd react now

>>685211521
>He gave me up for some piece of shit
who was that anon? new guy friend? gf?

>>685210920
Thank you

>>685212180
well should I greentext it? kind of late at night, but i'll do it if you want.

>>685211748
http://imgur.com/a/7EgyB

>>685212328
go ahead anon, i'll read it

>>685212328
Do it, will go make some coffee, I'll read it.

>>685211587

So, we have drug seeking behavior with girl number one. My Mother was addicted to prescription pills and alcohol.

First real girlfriend, consistent need for attention. Just like dear old Mom.

Second real girlfriend basically a junkie. This bitch was an alcoholic, pill popping, heroin shooting punk rock girl who ended up stripping and then hooking. She fucked multiple dudes for money when we were 'together' and I had to get a shit ton of tests. Even after we broke up, I was the only one who could even START to control her. Her roommate messaged me after work one night, saying I needed to get over there because her new boyfriend had beaten the ever loving shit out of her and she was going back there.

I took her to my house and locked her in my bedroom to detox, because she was royally fucked on a cocktail of coke, booze and molly. She asked to use the bathroom, and I forgot to take the fucking razors out of there. Cue me kicking in my bathroom door because she's in a slump blocking it, bleeding out from her wrists.

SOMEHOW, the coke kicks in and she's now super strong. I'm wrestling her to finally take her to the hospital, and she DONKEY kicks my ribs. I think she broke one. I hold her down and call 911, and I shit you not, they don't answer. THEY DON'T FUCKING ANSWER.

So I drag her to my car and lock her in the backseat, she's trying to kick out my rear window and I'm swerving through traffic going 80 in a 50. I gave her to the staff, she got baker acted and I never saw her again.

Oh, and now my most recent girlfriend of a year and a half took a grand from me to go get us a place in a new city she got a job in, so I can stay here and sell the house we live in and then move there. She comes back after her month long job training and tells me she fucked some dude while she was there. She tries to give me the money back, I tell her to keep it and it's me paying to never have to see her again and send her on her way. That one was 3 months ago.

>>685211748
I have nothing of value. No money, no car. Even my PC is too old to have value. I've put it off too long.

Thailand doesnt interest me. I dont want to fuck anything. All i want is to be at peace for once.

The most painful part is leaving my cats. I bottle fed them. I feel like I raised them. With no caretaker, they will likely end up at a shelter and be put down which they don't deserve.

>>685195952
I dont know in wich stage i am, my mood swings like hell, i have panic attacks that may lead me to suicide or weird actions, and sometimes i get euphoric, then calm, dunno bro. I am in many kinds of peaks and just want to fill myself with cigarettes, alcohol, opiates and amphetamines. What the hell is this, is it depression?

>>685212757

That's it. I'm still sweating, but the heavy breathing has stopped.

Through this, I've obviously developed a few mental problems. I.E. Said panic attacks. I also have mild to severe OCD depending on my stress level. I've had thoughts of suicide since I was 9 watching fucking Zaboomafu on Animal Planet at 3am, and they've never fully gone away. I'm aware it's not rational though, I mean, there's no point to it. But it's always there.

I just hope one day to receive a fraction of the love I give.

>>685212428
alright
>be me
>great friends with this guy
>name is Landon
>we hang out all the time
>like, alot
>he practically lives at my house
>his parents are abusive, so he likes it here
>we play vidya all the time
>he never clicks that folder though
>still waiting for the day
>new kid moves into school
>name is Titus
>some black kid
>he seems pretty cool at the start
>we all hang out and whatnot
>we're good friends
>if someone comes over, it's either both of them or just Landon
>one day Titus comes over by himself
>have a really cool lego set i just made
>got it for christmas from my aunt
>i barely see my aunt
>we play around with the lego dudes
>he gets up to get a drink
>kicks my lego house
>'sorry, that was an accident'
>he chuckles to himself
>i'm pissed
>so we do different things for an hour or so
(reminder : he was still at my house)
>he picks up an action figure
>really cool action figure
>i liked it
I didn't know back then, but if I had that today, it would be worth a pretty penny.
>he picks it up
>starts zooming it around
>fuckno.gif
'dude, can you set that down?'
>'huehue'
>cheesiest fucking laugh ever
>i get up
>start chasing him
>he runs
>throws it
>hits the side of my house
>shatters
>RKO.explosion
>lots of bad things are said
>he goes home
nothing happened for a while. will continue

>>685213434
also, this isn't pre-typed, sorry
also this happened when i was around 13? 19 now

>>685213229
I feel bad for the cats too, i can't see a cat on the streets without feeling like a piece of shit for not doing something to help them.

>>685213283
You know that won´t happen.
I know i will never have any love back.
That's what hurts the most.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Puph1hejMQE

I think i do pretty well. People still think im not 100% insane, and that buys me a bit of time before i have to blow my brains out.

>>685210494
No such thing. HIPA laws are strong (in US, at least). The only thing that would stick would be a 5150, if they have to arrest you for being a harm to self or other. Get the therapy you need now.

I am so bored in my life that the only thing that is exciting in my life is watching birds, cutting shapes out of wood, and my dreams and hallucinations.

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Dumping Spanish feels mates

"You will see the real cowboy bebop some day!"
FeelsBadMan That meaning...
You will see the real you some day, free of pain, sadness and despair. Ready to embrace death with a smile instead of fear.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6K2kkEIrfE

>>685213434
>at school
>lunch
>still mad at Titus
>we all sit together though
>i don't know why, but i feel like i forgive him
I swear, to this day, I still think he's a witch. You can't fucking miss him, but eventually I did. That'll show up later.
>we make a game thing
>'not it' sorta thing
>we do a few rounds
>whoever is the quickest gets a bag of cheetos
>Titus' idea
>we agree Titus buys doritoes if either of us wins
>if he wins, me and landon both pitch in
>i win
>titus is like, 'HAHA GOT YOU'
>i still remember those words
>if i had his voice, i could 100% replicate that exact sound
>pissed again
>next day
>some shit happens, titus and landon share P.E.
>i don't have P.E. with them
>barely any classes with them
>but they've got all their classes together
>great time for them to become friends?
>lunch today
>sit at normal table
>Landon comes over, sits next to me
>Titus at other end of cafeteria
'What happened, dude?'
>'he fuckin' pushed Ashley and shit'
ashley was his girlfriend
>i didn't do girlfriends at that age because I knew shit wouldnt happen, and the relationship wouldn't last
>i love the way my mom raised me
Anyway, continuing.
>ohshit.jpg
>not dealing with that shit
'how about we tell the principal, he has been rude to us lately'
>a few other friends pitch in
>go to principals
>all complain about the things he did to us
>iseeisee.png
>next day
kidding, cont

>>685196656
You just graduated, you expect to be moved out?

>>685214475
Feel you man, i write sometimes, but no one reads my stuff.
It's not that i write good stuff, but eh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x2rZ4W1SZvY

>>685214255
Dubs of truth - Uk - but I imagine the same-
Yeah kinda already know this - just keep finding reason not to make the call - that's one less thing. I just feel somehow that it's all some kind of trap - mind the admiral.

I hide it very well to the point where nobody can tell. I let it out at points because sometimes I am genuinely sick of being the only one who knows about it but it seems like it is the only way to get noticed and be accepted where if I don't people just flat out ignore me with no care where I am. I don't want to use my depression as a tool to get noticed I only like it if someone wanted to not out of pity.

Anybody else here who is the type of person to get taken advantage of? People tend to take advantage of me through my kindness but the thing is I am not kind by nature. I do it because I choose to not as an act against my will but at the same time if I treat people like shit as much as others do to me I get called out for it.

>>685214853
Go on.

>>685214853
>titus and landon hanging out like it's no shit whatsoever
>WTF?.jpeg
>whatever, screw them
>sit with my other friends
>talk to landon in hall
'dude what the fuck?'
(sidenote : we were edgy teens who thought it was cool to swear
>what do you mean?
>WOAH OH OH OH
kidding.
'uh like we talked to the principal yesterday?'
>oh yeah I'm over it now
See, I hated Titus. Landon liked him. That, I was fine with. What I didn't like is how one day, he says 'oh well shit, TITUS won't hang out with me, so you console me', other days were 'fuck you completely'
>devise a plan
>wait till the next time Titus crosses Landon
>not even 24 hours later
>free period
>some other shit happened
>i don't remember, something like someone got in an argument?
'well y'see Landon'
'try not to hang out with him'
>blah blah blah psych shit
>my mom was a psych, taught me a few things on how to convince and whatnot
>alright yeah man'
>a few hours later
>see them talking in the hall
>this happens 3 MORE TIMES
shit i can't remember what happens, i know it's big though. Will cont. when i do remember

>>685215239
Yessss, exactly the same here, every fucking word awfully accurate

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>>685215239
Same.

>>685215239
I get taken advantage of often. Im such a pushover.

I think its an esteem/self worth issue.

>>685215239
Feel this very much - believe us to be aliens

>>685215524
Don't let us hanging dude.

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>>685215239
>>685215529
>>685215842
>>685215994
We are just too kind for this society full of wolves.

>>685195952
There's no masking needed. No one is close enough to notice.

>>685215524
Oh yeah.
>on bus
>argument breaks out
Note : My dad was a sex offender when I was growing up, even though he was falsely accused.
>argument
>'yeah, well atleast my dad isn't a fucking RAPIST'
>OH
>OH NO YOU DIDN'T
>i keep my cool
>but still argue
'what the hell was that? fuck you'
>pitiful insults go back and forth
>by this point Landon has fucked off
>'WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW, RAPE ME? RAPE RAPE RAPE!'
>I'VE
>HAD IT
'YOU DIRTY LYING NIGGER'
his mom and sister were and still are weed addicts
'YOUR SISTER IS HIGHER THAN CLOUDS'
>go batshit
>leap on him
>beat the living shit out of him
>i beat him alot
>i give him a concussion and a fractured arm
>i don't even know how I did it, i was weak as fuck
>seperated from students for a while
>it was then i realised i had anger issues
>like, really bad anger issues
>i suspected it before, but yeah
>11/10
>i'll get pissed at the weirdest things
>one time in free period i had a basketball
>i failed to dribble like one dribble
>i punted it like half a mile and started hulking the ground
>seperated for a bit
>known as the kid you don't want to screw with (not because i'm strong, i wasn't, i was just weird)
cont.

>>685214507
Ven aqui broh

>>685216359
A solatery tear runs down my face - or it would if could feel any more

>>685216459
>a while goes by
>Landon and Titus screw away
>i still miss Landon, Titus i still hate
>i have Landon's phone number
>i never talk to him, haven't talked to him in years
>sometimes i call just to hear his voice and remember the times we had
>i never talk
>just listen
>90% of the time he's hanging out with Titus
>i still have the folder, it hasn't been opened in a while.
>that folder.
folder one.

Also, sorry, this was my first greentext story. I'm tearing up. What should I do about Landon?

>>685216580
De donde eres anonimo

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>>685216760

>>685216915
I will never delete my folder. I'm going to catch some sleep now.

You all are a bunch of whiny little pussies... "BBOO WWHHOOOO my life sucks! Girls don't like me! I have depression! No one understands me! Normies everywhere!" GROW THE FUCK UP AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Stop fucking whining and enabling each other's fucking autism!

>>685217270
But, any suggestions on what to do about Landon?

>>685217270
Night dude - take it easy

>>685217299
You know you're insecure too. We respect you, Anon. Respect us back is all we request.

>>685217299
Why I'm here actually I'm on a one way trip to a new life

>>685217299
Says the one who is in a feels thread
Bump the fucking feels or gtfo

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>>685216915
Feel you man, i would cry with you.
Wheres the alcohol when i need it.
Forget about him, its just like an obsession.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8LjavsYORA

Been depressed most my life, everyone who knows me is used to seeing like this those who don't often call me the most broken motherfucker they've ever seen.
Thought i was alright when i finished serving in the army, but the past five years drained me of any urge to keep living.

met a lass, supported her through her hardships.. devoted myself entirely. countless nights awake, countless lies.. cheating, and then i thought i got to her. that she was getting better. and she just leaves, attatches all the shit she's done and been through to my name and distances herself.
can't see myself loving or comforting any other woman, I've ended up unemployed and in debt.

>>685195952
I'm the great pretender.

>>685198566
Stop giving a fuck about that your life will increase ten fold

Jesus Christ I thought I had it bad but some of you guys are fucked up. Time to get over myself and get on with my life.

>>685217532
>>685217299
Your spurring me on nigga spurring me on

>>685217270
Take it easy dude, some day brighter days will come, i hope.

>>685217341
I just dont think Landon will stop his friendship with Titus. L doesnt seem invested in you. You need a new friend, or just suck up your feelings about Titus

It's the thing at i'm best in the world. I'm not the type to toot my own horn but i have a shit ton of friends, romantic interests and a very active social life. I'm 21 years old and around the town i live in i'm known for being a really cool really funny all around good guy to be around. But i have been constantely depressed since i have been about 12 years old. And unless i've gotten drunk and told someone no one has ever known how crippling it truly is for me.

Can't really say I'm depressed,but I lack empathy or emotion. When I'm with friends (barely) I'm well expressed and don't look sad/ depressed. I've always been the kind of person to keep my feelings to myself so I've never talked about my so called depression. I gave up hope on many things although I'm still pursuing my "dream job". I left my highschool and transfered to an independent studies school. I'm no longer doing football which was my only form of happiness at school and I've acquired a benign tumor on my left knee as well as a muscle disability on the same location. In middle school I've attempted suicide multiple times. Not hesitating on either attempts but I failed. Now I'm emotionless as ever and don't know why I should keep moving forward in life. Suicide isn't an option since I told my self it's a pathetic way out. And I don't know what to do with my life at the moment. Not asking for advice, I just felt like I had to vent.

I used to be depressed but I have climbed out of that hole. I excercised and I lost 50 pounds (I did 43 minute 10 on a treadmill not long ago) I got a good job as a management consultant. And now I need to get my social life back on track. The more I get out there expose myself to failure, the easier it becomes. Fear is the obly thing holding you back and if you can somehow confront it, slowly you can climb out of the hole that is depression.

I had the support of my family and I realize that not all of you might have that but I believe in you and want you all to have what I have and am getting.

>>685217034
del coño de tu puta madre, homosexual de mierda.

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>>685217452
>>685217532
>>685217540
>>685217783
Fuck you bunch of fucking cucks. I DEAL with my shit, I don't stew in a mess of autistic self pity. That's all you jerk offs want is a fucking pity party. Attention. Well I am here to tell you to GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS AND LIVE YOUR FUCKING LIFE!!! Stop fucking bitching about you problems to other beta cucks on the internet and fucking do something to change your fucking situations! FUCKING HELL you are all the most pathetic pieces of shit I have ever seen. You're as bad or worse than the fucking trap loving fags and memelord millenials who have been shitting up the board for the last few years! PLEASE FUCKING KILL YOURSELVES!!!

>>685218614
Who cares?

>>685218614
It's not attention when you're in a thread specifically about this 'attention'. It's a place where we can open up, share ourselves to eachother. We try. It's genetics. Some people can't do that as well as others, and I wish I was you. We try to be ourselves here. Don't try to be cool. Everyone has problems. Tell us your story. How did you find /b/?

>>685218614
I like traps, but only passable cute ones senpai
More wisdom please

>>685218614
Talking therapy sometimes just knowing someone hears you problems relieve a little

>>685219003
>I like traps
kys degenerate piece of shit.

>>685218089
Suicide is the only option left.
Its not stupid at all, it takes a lot of will power to pull the trigger or drink the pills to overdose.
Just saying.

>>685218827
Someone needs to get you cucks to grow a pair. It's pathetic. Men don't know how to be men anymore. You think John Wayne ever whined about his shit to anyone? Fuck no he drowned his problems with booze and pussy then beat the shit out of anyone who had the gall to ask him if he was ok. That's a man.
>>685218949
Sorry, I'm not some beta faggot who whines about his shit online. I fucking confront it and do something about it.
>>685219003
Then you're a faggot and need to go back to Tumblr.

Fucking drink a shit ton, eat nothing and maintain at work.

>>685219432
>we try
>it's genetics
Calm down, my dude.

>>685219298
I find it interesting because I cannot watch porn with any cocks / men in it - boner killer very much no thank you

>>685219199
Bullshit. Don't "talk" about your problems. Fucking fix them. Do something about it. Your girl leave you for some douche? Beat his face in with a pipe. You feel "depressed" go see a fucking shrink and get treatment or start drinking like a fucking man. Can't get pussy? Lower your autistic unrealistic standards and play in your league or get a fucking hooker. Take some sort of fucking action!

>>685195952
I could fake it for many years, finally got tired of it and seeked for help

>>685219666
I think you quoted the wrong post.

>>685219432
I don't understand tumblr in fact it scares me -

>>685219769
you are watching porn with men and cocks retard. that's what traps are; they are men and you are a faggot.

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can somebody please post that long monkey island green text?

>>685195952
i've never truly considered myself depressed. if i can laugh like there's no tomorrow then i would say i'm kinda happy. sure we all get bored or sad, but it's what you do with these emotions is what ultimately defines you as a person.

>>685220093
I don't disagree with you, just blantant men I cannot stand passable traps however -

I don't mask it anymore because I'm not depressed anymore.

For the longest time, I had no ambition, no fun, no passion; there was a gaping hole in my life. Every day of my life, I was sad. I couldn't even smile back to people. On the outside, I appeared like an emotionless ass hole, which was true. However, the reason was that the incessant sadness had numbed me emotionally.

This had been going on for a long while, and I had always wondered what the problem was. Was there even a problem? Or was I just fucked genetically? I even went to see a psychologist cause I thought I was going insane, but that shit was totally useless.

A few months ago, I realized that my problem might be social anxiety. I didn't really think that was my problem, but I pulled the trigger anyways and bought a self-help book. I started tackling my social anxiety by evaluating my thoughts and also taking action in real life. Progressively, I built my social confidence, made legitimate friends, and almost completely reshaped my social skills. As my social anxiety diminished, everything fell into place. I began getting energy, I found my passion, my grades soared at school, I began talking to girls.

Today, it's been about 3 months since I bought the book that changed everything for me. I can now say that I am a happy, confident person that no longer drowns in self-pity and suicidal thoughts. I'm extremely thankful and I wish you guys luck.

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>>685220338
Here you go. I hope you're white though, I don't like talking to or helping niggers or muslims.

>>685220904
Well sheet my good man I am a giga nigger muslim & you sir have helped me muchly my thanks to you

>>685221444
trips must be true

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>>685221444
>I am a giga nigger muslim
please don't read it and delete it from your computer then.

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>>685220904
Much obliged, friend.
btw I'm Mexican

>>685221693
To late my fellow saved and read. I shall speak of the kind service to the generations to come

>>685221444
oooh almost double trips ahhhhhhhhh nice numbers

>>685198401
this is my story too, 6 month almost now, still the same shit, working is the only thing I found

I've been feeling very lonely lately, i really need to have any kind of social interaction, please help me out a bit.
Kik: thatanoncalled.j

>>685219363
Eh, not now. Probably when I completely have all fucks to give I'm going out that way. Will stream it for you fags when time comes

>>685222712
Thank you, anon

>>685222712
Fine then, have some smooth music.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UGV80G5z_c

>>685208976
Sounds like you should start living for yourself, make some changes

>>685199508
Kek, small town, i love on a pláče that has ecatcly 168 people And stiil can get pot, dříve ot fucking walk somewhere that had dealers

>>685195952
I don't know if I'm good at masking this or if nobody really cares. I think I may be done tonight /b/.

>>685195952
pretty well. I hate myself enough to not give a shit about how terrible I feel constantly so Its pretty easy acting sociable.

>>685223286
see:
>>685208350

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No one knows I've been depressed for the last week years. I hide extremely well except for the few people I trust and will let something sad slip by which they skirt around and ignore even after I've helped them through bad times in the past. I just feel alone