>>691367653
fucked a watermellon

>>691367653
had sex with a passed out girl at a party with her boyfriend

Fucked mango in a bottle

your mum

>>691367653
i got into a relationship

>>691367653
fapped to a nigress

Probably fucking a granny unprotected I met on craigslist.

molested my little brother

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>>691367653
I did a survey. Then I downloaded from mediafire.

>>691367653
Fapped to Muscle girl growth. Regretted it immediately after cumming.

>>691367653
cut out an orange and used it as a cock sleeve with hand lotion

Agreed to have a kid with my now ex wife.

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>>691367653
she looks scary, 2spooky2fuck

>be me
>be 15
>laying on the couch with my sister, watching movies late at night
fuck it
yall know where this is going, I felt up my sister.

Mirror box video, post it

I have this strange thing that, when i smoke some weed i get extra horny. So i was at a friends house who owns a beautiful big dog. Me and my friend smoked together about 2-3 joints each, i left his bedroom to pee, then i saw his dog and a feeling that i never had came in, i got close to his dog and started fapping him, he started humming and lick my cheek, the i felt him cumming and his knot growing up. I was about to get on fours for him to fuck me, but then i realized what i was doing and stopped.

>>691368253
I know that feel...

>>691369407
Did that once when was little.
Dont care

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>>691369407
and then everybody did the dinosaur, we've heard you tell this story a thousand times.

>Came on my face
>Didn't notice some ran down my back
>Cum dried
>Spent the next hour ripping dried cum out of the hair on my back

I was trying to fuck my girlfriend in the ass and i farted.

>>691367653
>stupidest thing you ever did while horny
Chelsea.

Swallow my cum

Made this little boy jerk me off

>>691367653
Came on my face, put stuff in my butt.

Oh and stole panties, nearly got caught a few times. Had to stop, didn't want to get outed as a sex offender.

>>691369890
>doesnt know what a shower is
well

i fucked a fat chick after having no sex for a month

craigslist

pretended to be gay for 3 months to talk to a cute popular girl in 8th grade

it kinda worked, she sent me a few pics of her in underwear.

idk, i had some good faps but that shit followed me all the way throughout high school

Masturbation is a sin. Sex before marriage is a sin. If you people cant look past your carnal desires you are no better than animals.

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>>691367653
I ate like 16 twinkies and pooped out my dick.

>>691370593
Water doesn't do a good job at washing cum out of hair

Fucked a grapefruit.
Protip: when fucking produce, avoid citrus fruits

>>691370890
>cold water
>conditioner
>comb

>>691369668

eggs or sausage?

>>691369828
I have no idea what doing the dinosaur is, but okay.

>>691371152
I'll try that next time

>>691369668
It's not strange dude the chemical compounds in weed, thc is an aphrodesiac.

>>691367653
spent $750 at a strip club and then drove around the ghetto trying and failing to pick up a streetwalker, followed by going on backpage and calling up random women before backing out because they all sound too much like cops.

one of those days where for the next three weeks, you constantly think to yourself, "the fuck is wrong with me?"

>>691370890

Never fap in a shower, wash cum, or try to jizz in someone's water bottle. lessons i've learned. that shit turns into glue.

>>691367653
Punched my 6 year old brother once
>be me
>fapping in room
>hear door open
>Little brother comes in
>Tells me mom said dinner was ready
>my dick is still out
>He doesn't seem to care
>get up
>Punch him square in the face
>Starts crying
>tell him to shut up
>He does
>call him a shithead
>push him out
>carry on fapping
>Finish

>Go downstairs after cleaning
>little brother looks sad while eating
>mom asks if I know why he's sad
>say I have no idea
>look at him
>Death stare

I still don't know why I thought I had to punch him

>>691370655
>tfw nobody replies to your bait

>>691368955
Basically this

>>691371273

you are probably too young for this board.

>>691370655
Low quality bait, nice repeating digits faggot

jacked off using shampoo I knew would burn my dick

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>>691370655
Top kek

>>691368253
God damn I know that feel. Just got a new job though so hopefully I can find a reason to get out of it

>>691367653
came into my girlfriend while we were 16 because she begged me too. it was both our first time.

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>>691371444
Wrote a stupid beta love letter that hurt my virginity more than helped me lose it.

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>>691371612
>Implying at least half of the current user base isn't.

>>691371505
Conditioner always works at dissolving cum.

>>691371696
you just replied to it

Fucked a 45 year old obese woman. 18 years old back then lol

>>691371576
>>691371696
How is it bait? You think its impossible for someone on this board to be religious?

I got really high and masturbated with the goo from a melted popsicle.

Feelsgoodman.jpg

Immediate regret when I woke up a few hours later.

>>691371557
Fucking top kek.

My sides

>>691372158
yes, this is 4chan not fucking reddit

whacking off to futanari

>>691371557
You should appreciate your brothers... I wish i did.

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>>691372158
Not after they're slain!

Fucked some 42 year old fat bitch when I was 16.
Wanted to kill myself for a solid week afterwards.
Still do even after 6 years.
Probably will eventually.

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>>691367653
>Put various things up my ass
>Shot my cum into my mouth
>Stalked girls at mall taking videos of them
>Bought big dildos on online sextoys store
>Bought wig on ebay to dress up as chick
>Shot cum onto bread and ate it
Testosterone's a hell of a drug....

Had a really bad cold when I was 16, always had bad allergies. Used all the excess mucus that I kept sneezing out to fap with. Best jizz ever.

A good friend of mine is gay and lives in washington. i havent seen him since highschool but wel kept in touch.
He eventually married a man and i ended up going to his wedding. Like 5 years ago. His after party was crazy i took a bunch of molly and was pretty high on coke. Ended up having a threesome with him a d his husband. Never been with a guy, haven't ever again. I was really fucking high and horny and they came onto me

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>>691372498
What the fuck am I looking at in this image

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>>691370655

>>691372498
mfw i'm otherwise an extremely normal well adjusted straight male in a good relationship
Although I have to admit I did all of those things during a very long "dry spell"

>>691372398
I do thanks, I said sorry afterwards

>>691367653

oh boy, here we go

>tried to impregnate my fuckhole/girlfiriend
>pissed and ejaculated in her roommates orange juice, at least 4 times in three, which she drank for over a week
>stole panties from quad laundry rooms several times, masturbated in them, and put them back
>got my friend coffee from the dining hall just so I could jack off in it (she drank it in front o me)

>almost walked right into a shady BP meetup

came on my friends toothbrush and later watch her brush her teeth with it

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>>691372666
I'll bet they did Satan, stop tempting me with your homosexual propaganda!

>>691369407
same here man, now im in a confort zone.
I dont have a bf becuase when im horny i just say "fuck it! My sis will suck my dick when i get home"
and she does, its a regular thing now.
But i fully regret like 5 secs after i cum.
I would like to back and not have done anything with her.

Let a fat girl suck me off one night. Although probably was the best head I ever had

visited a prostitute

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Arrive early to the office
Cum on a (female) coworker desk and cup
Mfw she served coffee on that cup and drink it

>>691373297
You ain't sorry then nigga be honest

>>691371342
>next time
Kek

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>was at a house party everyone had even gotten too drunk and fucked off
>was left drinkin with this lass called leanne
>we referred to her as leanne the man who had hands like andrea the giant and a voice like david attenborough
>she offered me a blow job in the living room
>just decide to fuck the 6'4 giant of a man woman
>woke up in the morning and realised what i had done contemplated waking the masculine woman soo she could move her dolph lugren muscle arms of me so i could move and walk of shame home
>was still drunk and horny, woke her up and went for round 2

My mom was an alcoholic club bunny who stumbled home to pass out drunk at least twice a week, usually more. I was a horny angry teenager and the only man in the house. Use your imagination.

>>691373297
I fucked this ugly fat girl one time when i was horny. I was stupid and blew it in her, she gets pregnant go figure. Luckily she already had 2 kids and she was the first to jump at getting it taken care of. But no joke on top of that i got syphilis from her and had to gwt these 2 big ass shots in both my sides

>>691373475
nice
worked with this hot girl once
couple days before she was about to leave for good I jacked off in her chair
then i took her used tissues out of her garbage and brought them home to fap with and put in my mouth

>>691373734
>>691373197
>>691369407
Yall need to greentext this shit.

>>691373670
>was left drinkin with this Lasse
How's the ranch partner?

Fucked drunk and unprotected, got warts

put alcohol on my testicles

>>691373176

My kin. I have the same fetish, I like to cum on things/in places that belong to women, especially the private and personal stuff. Sandwich? - semen dressing.
liquids of any kind in closed containers? - cum cocktail
clothing, dirty or clean? - cover in my semen and placed in original position (especially the panties - how else will they wear my cum on their pussies all day). I pulled of my gf panties in the middle of the night to cum on her crotch

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>>691367653
Never think about buying a sex toy when horny. I fucking ordered this from Japan for fucks sake, I live in England, the postage was fucking mental.

>>691374054
What was the result?

>>691368253
This

>>691373197
You sound black...greentext it?

>>691371699
fucking IDIOT
wait shit I've done the same thing

>>691374056
i've done it twice
pretty satisfying

>>691374141
Was the juice worth the squeeze?

>>691373960
top kek

>>691374141
>mental
I always read that in Ron Weasleys voice

>>691373934

that last part is just weird, even by my standards, and i could be considered a sex offended for how many times i forced closed female acquaintances to ingest my fluids.

>>691367653
Felt up sister's friend while she slept. She woke up and I was so terrified I pretended I was sleepwalking. Was 13 she was 16, I got away with it though, no punishments

>>691374273
I don't know what you just said but it hasn't arrived yet, i'll make a thread about it, why not.

>>691373950
I already greentexted it in the wincest thread on /b/

Head over there if you're interested

Bought a fleshlight.

>>691374141
thanks for the laugh man

>>691374273
lolwut

>>691373960
it was worse, i thought i could wash the previous night off with mouth wash in mouth and bollocks area. Worse was that couple weeks later my mate told me he fucked her earlier that day, second mans baby gravy may have touch mine

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>>691367653
Fapped to this.

put stuff up my ass, came in my mouth and held it there while i went for a round 2, swallowed it all when i came

>>691374594

was the cumsation worth it,
you dunce

>>691367653
got my dick sucked by a tranny

>>691374738
Thank you, i thought i was quite clear

wincest...
then i told someone i thought i trusted cause i was young and stupid.
now they hate me and im pretty sure there blabbing to everyone
also i took some pictures of myself and have daddy issues and everyone found out when people went through my phone...
I have every excuse to kill myself but somehow im to much of a pussy to do it.

>>691367718
Same

>>691367718
kek

>>691374563
Link?

>>691374756

if it looks female and sucks like a female, don't bother yourself with details. but if you have a beard touching your pubes, You don fuck your life up, son.

>>691374942
post pics

>>691370490

r u me

>>691373734
Were you that anon who felt up his mom and shit when she passed out on the couch? I think I read your greentext a while back, sadly I didn't screenshot it.

>>691370490
lol done these things

>>691367653
Fucked in public, banged a girl on period and fucked my mattress, etc

>>Pulled my dick out in front of a girl and started jerking.
>>She asked me to leave.
>>What the hell was I thinking?

Got blown by a girl who just had a tracheotomy, told her she could now do it and not stop to catch her breath. :))

>>691375341
It was worth a shot

>>691375251

None of those things are remotely outlandish, you fucking plebeian.

If you knifed a hole in the mattress and fucked the springs i'd be impressed.

took a girl's first kiss and fingered her for her first time
also got my first head from a 16 year old whilst plastered and horny (I swear to God she looked 20)
also lost my virginity while blackout drunk (according to my friends, at least)
alcohol and horniness go hand in hand for me, if you can't tell.

>>691367653
bought one of those prostate stimulator things that's supposed to give you crazy orgasms. Didn't fucking do shit it probably only works for fags who have developed correlation with anal stimulation and sex.

Also I once stole a "la blue girl" dvd from my much older cousin cause hentai looked hot and this was long before I had internet. Had to basically keep in in my pants in the front all day I had to move slow and awkward the rest of the day. Was totally worth it.

>>691370655
Could you cite in the Bible where it says masturbation is a sin please? I'm generally curious as I've heard people say this before, but haven't seen any proof.

>>691375104
and lose the last shred of decency i have?
sorry man i just cant do that right

>>691375078
it wasn't that bad. i was so fucking horney. so i went to this local chatroom. the guy catfished(though was a nice latina big booty babe) but i didnt care. let him bend over in my car, and suck it. kicked him out after, though

>>691375562
>lost virginity when blackout drunk
Was this last weekend or something

Family reunion, about 30 relatives staying at my grammas. I was 13 or so, had an aunt that was 19 and hot as fuck. There were about 15 of us camped out in the basement living room. I snuggled up to her. Laid there horny as fuck for hours, couldn't fall asleep. Slowly started feeling her up, on top of clothes. No reaction, went under bra and started massaging her tits. Nips got hard, but she didn't do anything. Pulled bra up, started sucking on her nips, and jerkin off simultaneously. Slipped a hand into her underwear, she was soaked. Kind of rubbed her clit, but got scared and just left my hand on it. Came, held it in the foreskin, got up and walked through a room of 15 hopefully still asleep people as I went to the washroom to drop the load

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>>691367653
Fapped to the point of passing out due to dehydration while taking a steam-shower and taking a diarrhetic shit afterwards.

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>>691367653
Humped a kids cat that I was babysitting. He caught me doing it, and I never babysat there again.

Not sure if he ever told his mom or if he even remembers.

>picture related

>>691367653
Offered a girl my socks.

>>691375766
it was two years ago

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Shared this
So stupid
So drunk

>>691371557
HAHAHA

>>691375844
>it wasn't that bad. i
Hahahaaha, you fucking maniak.

>>691375180
Yes, among other things. I have the full greentext up in the incest thread on /b/ if you want it.

>>691376012
Since you went that far you should show pussy

>>691375815
Is this real? Pretty hot story she probably was awake for most of it if she was wet.

>>691367653
sauce on OPs image plz

>>691367653
Masturbated sitting on the bathroom floor, realized a few minutes later that my SO was watching.
Never been more embarrassed in my life:

>>691376258
wtf why that's your significant other

>>691376204

right-click+S

fell in love with my friends dog for awhile...
the thing used to hump me all the time..

decided to suck its dick..
dog growled and i thought it was going to bite me
it stopped growling and let me.

then everytime i was there the dog would come in the room while i was sleeping on the floor. the dog would usually lick itself loudly while we were sleeping.
it started licking my dick.
mfw my friend woke up and told the dog to shut up while it was licking my dick.
me and that dog had this connection though
we were fucking soul mates
RIP dog.

>>691374273
nobody knows the girl next door. huh

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>>691376012

>>691376342
I'm an extremely private person, and something like that is really embarrassing.
I need that time to myself, it felt like a massive invasion of privacy.
Now I only masturbate if I'm entirely sure I'll be home alone for several hours.

>>691376419

...no.

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>>691376204

>>691374211
Im white.
There´s not much to say, we where young i said that if she showed me her tits id show her my dick, she said yeah then it scalated to her giving me blowjobs...
But thats all we have never fucked and i have never sucked or fingered her pussy

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>>691373176
>Be me, whitefag
>black gf works late at hospital
>I get home and make her garlic steak, one of her favorites
>beat my meat and cum on the steak for "extra tenderizing" before I cook it
>mfw she tells me it's delicious
>I guess worchestershire sauce and cum is a grade-A combo

>>691367653
Oh boy. Married here.
>Out of town for work
>Bought 6.5" dildo and 7" vibrator @ sex shop
>Bought lace thong from walmart (self check out, fuckers!)
>Took pics with stuff up my ass, posted on cl
>Blew some random guy, who tried (and failed) to fuck me. Couldn't stay hard.
>Met up with a 2nd guy, he blew me and I rimmed him. He fucked me but nutted like immediately, mutual JO till I busted on his floor.
>Beat off again to naked pics of his wife.

>>691367653
Sniffed a milfs panties with period blood in em.

>>691368682
That Is fucking amazing i watched it like 30 times. Did he mean to do that?

>>691367653
Never been horny so nothing.

>>691376012
You have decent veins.

>>691376509
im an extremely private person too..
yet everyone found out my deepest and most personal matters...
i have crippling anxiety now
i guess i deserve it for all this shitty things ive done. god the life i could of had...hopefully death will free me from this poor soul..im sorry self..i failed you..just like i said i would...just like i knew i would...

>>691368330
Damn, you savage!

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>>691376204
.

>>691376213
No idea about the sauce, but I have more of that model if you want.

>>691376543
no what faggot?

Let my gf's 12 year old sister play with my dick. My gf and I were 17. Basically let her jack my off whenever we were alone. GF eventually found out, got pissed, but also thought it was hot. Couple days later, she talked her sister into letting me fuck her. Fucked both of them for a year, until I got a job in Texas.

Heard years later that my ex-gf had been busted for letting guys fuck her 8 year old daughter.

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>>691376568
07/10 would put dick in.

>>691376844
?

>>691376568

Surprise OC. Can we get a better nipple shot? they look promising.

>>691376792
Yes, he meant to throw a bottle of what I assume is champagne and have it backfire and hit him in the thigh.

Fucking idiot.

>>691376884
How did anyone even find out? I'm sorry that happened to you dear, but don't wish for death.
Even brought the most unbearable of times there's something beyond that waiting for you, whatever it may be.

felt my sister up,
>On a ski trip with family
>read somehwere that @ around 3am is where human brain is most asleep
>me and sis sleeping basically side by side on diff beds
>At 3 start feeling around
>nice nice good good
>decide its good idea to start trying to pull pants down
>she sat up straighter than my boner
>screamed
>OH SHIT FUCK NO PLZ
>Thought about knocking that bitch out cold
>no balls to do it tho :(
>basically forced to move out
I regret it everyday but still fap to it every night

>>691370655
Your mistake is believing humans are something other than animals, you retarded dickweezel.

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>>691377019

>>691370655
We are animals. Slightly more advanced animals, but still animals. Instincts are hard to beat, and they are what keep us going as a species. Not trying to sound edgy here, that's just the way it is.

>>691376205
Yeah it's real Haha. I started playing with her a lot after that, she kind of moved into our place for a bit. One night her bf stayed over, but her and I were snuggled up before he came over so it was like 3 of us laying in a bed. After we fell asleep I put my hand up her shirt and held her tits as I fell asleep, her boyfriend had the same idea. Feels my hand in there rips it out and spazzes on her. I pretend to sleep through the whole thing, she tells him to chill out and that he's just a kid doesn't even know what he's doing, just happened when he fell asleep. I lulled internally

>>691376940
Very nice

>>691377048
lel

Ate out 5 cats
Fingered 6 cats
Sucked off 3 dogs
Ate out 1 dog
Fingered 3 dogs
Fucked 1 male dog in the ass
Fucked my boss's wife
Molested my sisters
Spied on my aunts in the bathroom
Spied on neighbors
Sodomized a dead squirrel with a crow feather
Jerked off at work behind a desk with people right there

Fuck, I can't remember all of it.