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>>689636692
>only serious answers are accepted please

>/b/

good luck.

>>689637327
there are good souls everywhere :^)

>>689636692
Stop eating so much cheese?

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>>689637473
i know.

>>689637526
I don't eat cheese, maybe lack of fiber, but no cheese :<

>>689636692
>bi
Stop getting you shit pushed in.

>>689636692

I came

>>689636692
pitted prunes, yo

>>689636692
Eat better, more veggies less tendies.

>>689637573
oh my why did you have to post this

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7 days

>>689637801
thanks bruv

>>689637643
actually 19 virgin :)

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>>689636692

>IQ of 126

Still cant figure out how to have a normal bowel movement.

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>>689636692
Take a dick in the ass, it'll loosen you up

>>689636692
Pooping almost always stops my constipation, try that.

>>689636692
I have a problem with chronic diarrhea. If somehow we could just meet in the middle, both of our lives would be better.

>>689637973
shit happens, i do other stuff good though, but have problem with poop

>>689636692
Smoke a cig and have some coffee. Guaranteed success.

Am currently taking a shit right now

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>>689637809
it's tuesday.

>>689638055
no shit

>>689637573
Well, that's something

>>689638096
>IQ of 126
>obvious grammar mistake

>>689636692
Psyllium husk, same shit thats in metamusil etc. When you wake in the morning have hot water mix in 2 tablespoons of applecider vinegar and squeeze some lemon in. Drink lots of water then take the psyllium husk. Cut out your shit diet of sugars and salts. Also have 2 tablespoons of coconut oil or olive oil. Your intestines are severely dehydrated and lack the oils necessary for your body to remove waste efficiently.

STOP DRINKING COFFEE AND ALCOHOL diaretics are a no go until you have balanced your body out

>>689638068
i agree, although i think diarrhea is less of a problem than constipation

>>689636692
kys

>>689638213
not english bruvv

>>689638327
thanks i'll have this in mind

>>689638342
>diarrhea is less of a problem
yup, my main diet is alcohol and fast food, shit liquid 5 times a day and it's great.

>>689636692
>am bi curious

quit taking so many dicks OP

how are you gonna take a shit if some bloke is blocking the road already?

>>689638611
thanks not great, in fact that is horrible, but look at it this way, you poop, the only thing you have to do is make your poop a bit harder

>>689638734
read this >>689637950

>>689636692
You don't drink enough coffee

>>689638096
Shit ain't happening

>>689638929
i hardly drink coffee, sometimes when i go out with a friend, other than that i usually drink lot of zero coke

>>689636692
Nurse here.
Some people poop every day, some once a week. The frequency isn't the problem, constipation is. Prolonged laxative use may increase constipation.
Are your stools black?
As others have said, include more fiber in your diet. Drink more water. Exercise regularly.

>>689638995
it was an expression, thanks for ruining it

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>>689638737
it's how i keep my boyish 200lb figure, don't knock it. get on my diet bro.

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>>689638995
>Shit ain't happening

>>689639107
well last year i used laxatives, dulcolax ALOT, i stopped in january and i was lax-free for almost six months (in the meantime I had a bowel movement every 7 days) . stool isnt black, just sometimes the first one is hard to pass. sometimes there is light blood and sometimes its fine.

>>689637643
Under rated post

>>689636692

mix slim fast with chocolate milk mix. lots of lactose. you'll be squirting in minutes.

>>689639498
So like clockwork. So not constipated. So shit happens.

>>689639895
7 days is too much i think, i'd be happy with 3 days

>>689639999
Nice quads

>>689636692
I had a huge cheese burrito and wound up constipated as fuck, & tried so hard to shit I got a hemmoroid. Then I has the pain of a roid plus the pain of being constipated, and over the next week, actual shitting was so insanely excruciating I blacked out.

Eventually i got through that. The next thanksgiving, the only place open was the burrito shop, and once again, had one, andonce again, constipation the next day, but remembering the horror of the previous year, I trinmed my fingernails down, scooped up some vaseline, and worked two fingers in, pulled them out and that was it. Problem solved. Wash hands.

You can be squeamish about your own body up until you've suffered through bleeding hemmoroid constipation for a couple weeks.

>>689639999
the light bleeding is caused by the tears in your colon from those giant poops. Visit a doctor. I can't diagnose you.

Oh and I forgot to say this , every time i get a slight urge to poop I get scared (as a child i had problem with hard to pass stools and to this day i scared that it will hurt etc) and delay the urge as long as possible.

>>689639999
OP, life is good
IQ of 126
Can bang guys or girls
Don't have to blow money on reams of TP
Clean asshole most of the time, guys will appreciate that.

>>689640195
have had to do the same thing for almost the same reason kek. This anon knows whats good.

>>689640195
thats so metal.

>>689640508
This

>>689640346
as i said, light bleeding doesn't happen always, sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesnt.

it usually happens when i struggle to pass a stool

really shy when it comes to docs

>>689636692
Have you tried pooping?

>>689640662
tomorrow is 7 days since last bowel movement

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>>689640552
>thats so metal.

>>689640195
btw i dont want to come this this phase

>>689640811

You gotta strain like Elvis

>>689640811
should I take a laxative or see where it goes without it?

>>689640616
We've seen it all bud. No one will judge you.

>>689636692
google: "Garden of Life Raw Probiotics Ultimate Care 30 Vegetarian Capsules " You will get the ultimate probiotic, it will make your shits daily and velvety smooth.

you may even loose weight and feel healthy for once. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

metamucil
>40 grams daily
>and stop getting your shit pushed in

>>689640877
Yeah I didn't either. Thats why the second time, I realized, the possibility of getting a little of your own shit on your finger is a pretty small price to pay, compared to the alternative.

>>689641146
lets say i visit a doc and refer to him with my prob. what exactly would he do to me?

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>>689640877
get the bucket of vasoline out anon, you are at that phase.

>>689641182
>Garden of Life Raw Probiotics Ultimate Care 30 Vegetarian Capsules
I'll take a look at this thanks

>>689641205
If you havent gone for a week, it will be like rough sex when it works

>>689641352
Finger up the bum. At least you like that.

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>>689636692
OP, you should be shitting atleast once a day, 2-3 times if you're healthy.


Considering the fact that you're probably some fat neckbeard, I'll just assume you're not healthy.

Basically you're making your body toxic as fuck, enjoy dying faggot.

>>689641449
dont just look, order that shit nigger, its 30 bucks and will fuckin change your life.

unlike most shit probiotics, that one has actual bio diversity. I suffered from chronic fissures, hemmeroids...it got so bad i had to go to the ER to treat a deep fissue that turned into a fistula. I tried everything. Laxitives. Psylum husks. nothing worked. I swear to motherfucking god that shit will clear you up. just try it, its only 30 bucks

from anon.

>>689641352
Increase fiber to at least 30 grams a day. Make at least 10 grams of it psylium husk fiber until things get running again

stick a CLove of Garlic up your ass after every poop for about a month, not only will it clear up your Butt, but you'll probably loose weight healthily while your at it. I went from a 38-34 as a man, let myself stabilize without doing it for about 2 monthes and now I'm starting up again (I'm betting I'm almost a 32 again) I had a similar problem.

drink some coffee faggot.

>>689641655
the dubs of truth

>>689636692

7 days?

bitch i just went 9 weeks without shitting

..it was actually horrible and a miracle i didn't tear something and die from fecal peritonitis.

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>>689636692
>126
whoa, we've got a genius here guys

>>689641792
he only wants the cream

>>689641655
thanks for the kind words.

i weigh 79kg and am around 182cm tall, so i dont think i'm overweight.

>>689641832
how is this possible

>>689641352
He'd ask you questions about your diet, exercise, fluid intake and make recommendations. From what you've said, there are no obstructions with defecating, no bloody stool.
At worst you have hemorrhoids from all the pushing and show you how to perform an enema on yourself.

>>689641909
but how many stones and hands?

>>689641660
I will thanks anon!

>>689641983
anything is possible on the internet.

>>689641993
I'd skip the enema part lol

>>689638327
Coffee makes me shit...especially after drinking. To each his own.

Drink lots of water

>>689641983

large amounts of heroin and not wanting to go because i was afraid of the pain. it just really got away from me.

>>689638068
what if you scissor each other and you blast diarrhea up his ass which will flush out his mega poo and suck some of it back in to your ass thus helping plug you up JUST enough but not TOO much

>>689642178
>especially after drinking
splashing it in the face doesn't work as well?

>>689642205
and how did you get that massive poop out of you?

dont do heroin, are you clean now?

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>>689642280
>JUST enough but not TOO much

i just spit beer on my laptop you asshole.

70% of these answers are pure rubbish.

/b/s acting childish imo

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>>689641909
Ok then, let me rephrase that, you're unhealthy as fuck.

Skinny =/= Healthy


You probably have a shit diet and you don't exercise.

>>689636692
Eat whole plant foods before you need an emergency appendectomy.

>>689642373

well eventually it gets to a point where you just can't hold it in anymore with any amount of drugs, and things start involuntarily going. this is over a week past when the overflow diarrhea started leaking out.
it's not fun having contractions like power diarrhea when it's forcing out something larger than your forarm followed by a dozen billiard-ball sized shits.
obviously bled out my ass for hours afterwards

>>689640408
>wants to be buttfucked
>scared shit will make his assistant sore
What a humongous faggots you are.

>>689642823
does lifting weights count as exercise?

Drink coffee and eat lots of fruit!

>>689642989
I hope you're fine now

>>689643099
Obviously not if you aren't eating enough to make gainz, obviously you don't lift for shit.

>>689643306
i eat lots of proteins, can lift mcuh

72kg bench
40kg shoulders
30kg arms

>>689643306
does driving a manual count as exercise?

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>>689636692
OP, this shit cleared me out within 20 minutes when I couldn't poop for a week.

Awesome stuff.

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i use opiates on a frequent basis for chronic pain issues, so constipation is a constant battle. but honestly, OP, and i swear by this, drink prune juice every morning. without fail, even if i'm really hitting the meds hard, it helps me shit. get the cans, they stay fresher longer and it's the perfect dose. keep them in your fridge. 2 cans in a day is max, but it WILL help.

>>689636692
Buy a plastic tube, stick one end in your ads and connect the other end to a faucet and flood water through. It's called a cheap enema faggot if you're scared to try it, just buy a real enema kit

>>689636692
Push ice cubes into your butt. Feels nice actually and they melt when they are inside you

>>689643851
wow..

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>>689643633
fucking amateur.

Been there. Get admitted to the hospital and be fed intravenously for a week, evrrything becomes liquid, then shit everyday and don't let it get backed up again

Anyway I'm off to bed, 5AM here.

thanks to good people that helped

goodnight

>>689643796

not op but this is real talk

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>>689636692
Stop ramming cocks up yor ass, fucking gigafaggot.

>>689636692
CP moods????

>>689642548
Good poopin pupper