The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
- Home
- Board: /b/ - Random
- Reading:
why do you need to give a semen sample
Sorry most missed and went over the floor
>>689338747
if you haven't cummed in a while you'll still cum a lot.
Do it quick, say "I was thinking of this 8 year old I saw earlier, wow, what a body!"
Quickie.
"I usually drink this stuff, it's tangy and I like the texture a lot"
>>689339097
I have to "abstain" for 4 full days.
My wife fell asleep early last night and couldn't find anything good to fap to so I'm going to cum buckets Thursday.
>>689339365
any pics of your wife?
>>689338747
Any more?
>>689339409
She's a landwhale. Used to be super hot. You guys don't need to be subjected to that.
Why you giving samples?
"Heres the doodle juice"
edge for a couple of hours just to be sure you give them a good one
>>689339532
>used to be a landwhale
They all do this. Get fat when they get hitched.
>>689339049
rollin
There's more where that came from.
And say it with a big proud smile, then march out the door like an autist.
>>689339599
Yep. They find some guy who marries them and then tells them they aren't getting fat until it's too late.
>>689339921
kek
>>689339593
That is a good idea but what if I accidentally jizz in my pants?
>>689339599
>put on gay lisp
"I thquoze it, mythelf!"
>>689340270
>Do I look fat?
No-o-o-o, you don't look fat... er.
>Fatter!?
>>689341079
>put on gay lisp
I think this only works if you actually eat the poo poo like ice cream. I just can't figure out what "thquoze" is.
>>689340676
You must be autistic if you're going through all this shit for a semen sample. Drink some bleach when this is all done.
>>689341463
"Squoze". A fun, happy, gay way to say "squeezed"!
>>689341564
lel
>>689338747
>don't spend it all in one place
>>689341885
>worthy post
>misses trips by 3
You had ONE JOB.
bottoms up
>>689341968
A handjob?
I was thinking about you when i made this
>>689342599
The Great One! Body-Checked!
It started overflowing so i started to drink a little so it didnt spill
>>689339532
Which is why you don't need your sperm count checked cause she can't get pregnant. It's simple. She is a land whale, you both find her repulsive at this point, and the lack of chemistry makes conception harder.
Also rolling for: could I get a receipt for this donation...for charitable donation tax purposes and all
Say, I "someone" had to spit this up so there may be some saliva in it.
>>689341885
this
Are you bringing the sample in or doing it at the clinic?
>>689339532
Whyd you let your "hot" wife become a landwhale?
Why did she let herself become a landwhale?
Ive only been married 2 years but theres no beating around the bush or sugar coating between us.
If she hasnt been to the gym in a while or starts to let herself go, i tell her straight.
"If i wanted to be married to a fat chick i would have married a fat chick, you have started to let yourself go a bit babe and i dont find it attractive at all. Dont let it snowball or this marriage is doomed"
Thats what i said to her last year when she stopped looking after herself.
She got straight vack on the horse and has been taking care of her body ever since.
I am a gym junkie so she has never had that conversation with me but i know very well she will if she has to.
Fat people disgust me
>>689338747
uh.. mods?
Where is the restroom, i need to wash my hands
(after you hand it over)
>>689338747
Roll
>Wham Bam Thank You Hand!
>>689338747
So a quicky or the full 2 min?
>>689343698
I'll use one of my rolls for this. Rolling!
ThIs batch tastes a bit different to usual but it should be fine :)
"That was much easier without my wife around"
I will give you $200 if you take a sip
>>689343664
Obviously not, you cuck. Christ.
>>689338747
When I had to do this i just sat in the little room watching the hospital approved porn for about 15 -20 mins before getting started. Could have probably just blown and gone, but I didnt want the cute nurse to think anything about my stamina lol.
>>689339044
great pic
do you has more ?
>>689344567
The cute nurse didnt even acknowledge your existence faggit.
Any sort of interaction you two shared she was most likely just in "auto response" mode as that is her job and she deals with all sorts of fuckwits day in, day out.
>>689339921
Roll
>>689338747
>Be me
>Walk into the lab
>With the sample container
>Trying to give it to the tech
>She has this fucked up look on her face
>"You brought it from home?"
>I nod
>She's not taking it
>I have no clue as to why she's being reluctant
>Later I figured she was thinking about my refractory period
>And the time frame wasn't good so she took it
>My sample
>Kidney stone
Roll: "Be careful with my offspring."
>>689341885
Rollin
>>689338747
"don't blow it all at once"
>>689343698
they are probably used to far worse than this..
OP return it empty and ask for assistance
>>689338747
"did someone order mayo on the side"
or alternatively sour cream would also be humorous
>>689343658
shes fucking her personal trainer. you sound like a tool
>>689346445
Not every retard needs a personal trainer you cuck. I dont need to pay someone to tell me that i need to eat healthy and exercise a lot.
Neither does she.
>>689344449
>4444 fucking 9
Dammit
![87143[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/DuzmFlH.jpg "87143[1]")
![Hey-Gurl[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/7H5JGsV.jpg "Hey-Gurl[1]")