>>688636891
jesus christ.

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All cute and shit

>>688636891
Kek

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>>688636891
Greentext dump? Greentext dump.

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>>688636891
NIGGER

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>>688636891

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>>688636891
heil

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>>688636891
kraut

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>>688636891
shit

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>>688636891
dot

Any of you guys have Wolfman Greg?

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>>688636891
pup

>>688636891
Fuck off with your green text threads. We get it, you have 4chan premium. Not all of us can afford it you fucking nigger faggot

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>>688636891
classic

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>>688636891
ho

>>688636891
Iam very smart iam the nigger

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>>688636891
donut steel

>>688636891
Iam super smart and iam awesome nobody is better then me in math iam so happy fuck you guys

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>>688638275

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>>688638275
lel

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>>688638407
>>688638513

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Dumping

>>688636891
>OC welcome
No shit

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Anyone lurking or am I trying to revive a dead thread?

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>>688639416
Answer me, you niggers.

And event that has changed my entire life. For better, or for worse.

>be me
>be 23 with no friends or job
>dad left as a kid and mom has serious disease that puts me in charge of taking care of her
>washingfeeding.etc
>get a call one day
>some guys tell me to go somewhere to see a blind date
>I haven't signed up for any blind dates so I'm naturally reluctant and declined the offer
>The next day I wake up my car is on God damn fire.

>cont?

>>688639534
Cont

>>688636891
I just don't get it. Out of all the people why the fuck did this guy call his dad? Why not 911?

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Legendary tale.

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>>688639753

>>688639666
checked and kek Satan's Brother

>>688639666
Do you really want to tell the cops that you locked yourself in your trunk,covered in your jizz,, just because you wanted to fap?

>>688638264
this one never fails to make me kek

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one from a couple months back.

>>688639534
yes ffggt

>>688639534
Cont

>I promptly grumble and check the mail
>weird, only one letter, and it had no signature
>I read
>"Anon, we don't like it when our clients ignore us. Don't fail us next time."
>dafuq.jpeg
>2 hours later I get another call telling me to meet up with down friends at a bar
>me worrying for my mothers sake I went there
>get to front door of bar

>cont?

>>688640328
Yes. Keep going.

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This just happened to me yesterday.

>taking a shit
>before I even start my first push I know this is going to be fucking huge
>this fucking turd was so big around it would not just come out naturally
>turd is stuck in crowning position like I'm fucking giving birth
>know my asshole is either going to rip open or I'm going to explode from trying to push so hard
>pushed so fucking hard
>at this point I am legitimately worried
>turd finally comes out in one swift motion and jesus christ it was fucking large
>ohmygodsucharelief
>look down at my dick and there is a clearish-white glob hanging off the tip
>wtfisthisshit.jpg
>it's a fucking glob of jizz, but I didnt jerk off or have sex today
>look it up and apparently if you push really hard while taking a shit you can stimulate your prostate and it can make semen come out


>mfw I shit so hard I literally came

>>688640328
fucking yes hurry up nigger

>>688640328
>OPEN THE DOOR
>GET ON THE FLOOR
>EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR

>>688640519
kek

>>688640328
Continuing.

>I open the door
>holyfuck.exe
>easily countable 13 dudes in matching suits stare at me in my different attire
>the one by the door has an assault rifle
>adrenaline kick in and i punch the dude with the rifle
>I pick up said rifle and lay waste to the entire room of guys
>the adrenaline was too much so I didn't stop
>two guys with shotgun came from the back and I easily filled them with holes
>I check the kitchen for any one who might be friendly
>nope
>dude was sitting there with an AK
>my gun was out of ammo so I threw the thing at him and knocked him out

>Cont?

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>December 14 1998
>Cold San Francisco evening
>the night was dark blue, the moon was rising
>a Christmas wind was blowing, the smell of the trees was refreshing
>my hair flew about as me and my girlfriend sat in the brisk stands as we watched our scarlet warriors take the gridiron
>the opponent was a tough Detroit lions team
>the bright lights were upon our hereos as the took off with the win in the cold night game
>the duration of the game, my date huddle closer than the team to my body to warm her self
>the feelings in my chest were more than enough to make me sweat
>the deafening cheers of the crowd were falling on my deaf ears, all I heard was her, with her cute, high pitched voice
>our team had won 35-13, the lions were completely BTFO, my heart was afast with Love, angst and pride
>she leaned in and kissed me on my cheek and said "I need about tree fitty"
>it was about that time I noticed she was 60 feet tall and was a dinosaur from the Paleolithic era

>>688640935
u can stop now.

>>688639811
Holy shit, that was an amazing read!

> be me 16
> friend sleeping over who's never spent the night
> make joke about blowing him( he knows im gay)
H
> says "only way I'd say yes Is if I was asleep"
> take that as permission
>take his pants off while he sleeps and rub his cock
> get scared and forget to button him back up
He stopped spending the night lmao

>>688640935
yeah, don't cont.

>>688641877
Meant to post this yesterday on the sleepover thread but 4chan died

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Catfishman anyone? It's long but seriously worth the read, I promise you. You will not regret it.

>>688642218
kek, that was my post.

>>688639811
fucking beautiful

>>688642268
You were right

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>>688641346

>>688644206
holy shi-
Actually, I get myself off on the same shit anon posted there, occasionally though.

>>688642833
fa/tg/uy stories never disappoint

I'm here thanks for posting

>>688640935
douche

>>688641877
fags get out

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>>688638004

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Thread Dead? Y/N

>>688646992
yes :/ sad story

>>688643192
oklahoma

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>>688638471
my fucking sides

>keksimus maximus

Something that happened to me in late '14

>17 yo beta gerfag me
>never violent until this day
>out in small local bar
>get a lil drunk w/ friends
>Meet other friends mother
>drunk af, alcoholic for the last 10 Years
>weird old guy with her, also drunk
>talk to her
> find out she should be in rehab
> find out she has a fckin 2 yo child (others are 17 and 19)
> friends distract old guy while i try to get her to get back to clinic
> cries, tells old guy abuses her
> angrymode.png
> get her out of bar, old guy follows us
> walk her back ~2 miles
> We stop, old guy gets in my face
> tries to punch me
> onepunchman Inc
> knock him out cold
>call cops
> everybody is drunk but it's 2v1
>We both tell our story
> cops take guy, i escort woman into her room
> go home
> 1 week later get letter
> court in 4 weeks
> friends, woman and I are witnesses
> fucker gets jailed for 7 years
> woman didn't get clean
> still drunk everyday
> never thanked me
Looks like thats what you get for helping, nothing

>>688637281
I wonder how this guy is going atm

>>688637281
fucking good for him

>>688639830
>cops you never have to see again
>father
I know which one I'd pick.

>>688640519
This happened to me once or twice. I guess it stimulates your prostate, which makes semen.

>>688644206
Post his image in a higher resolution.

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Fucking plebs, this is a real greentext

>>688642332
Oh fucking shit
I have feels that I did not expect

>>688637281
This gave me hope, anon. Thanks for posting

>>688647232
OMFG

>>688641082
Hey that's my birthday! I turned 2 years old on this day.

>>688651531
Ultra fake
Someone attempting to learn to write smut from the looks
A passable first attempt

>>688640935
hotline miami 2

>>688651511

If that actually was the end of 4chan then maybe I would've only wasted about three years of my life instead of almost thirteen now.

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>>688639811
Fucking amazing. It's the content like this is why I come back to 4chan.

>>688639811
>>688641589
>>688642968
>>688654305
(you)

That story was retarded and blatantly fake.

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>>688654861
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
Killjoy much.

>>688655062
It isn't even funny
It's just "I shat on a bible and everyone's pissed oooo" wacky hijinx

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>>688655293
Good for you. You don't find it funny. So why bring down the mood of people who enjoyed it because you don't like it? Hell how does it even make you this butthurt?