>>686666438
having night vision but only when exposed to sunlight

>>686666438
The power to be invisible only when no one is looking

>>686666438
pooping dildoes

>>686667360
you make a living off pooping

>>686666666

>>686666438
getting dubs

Being a moderator on /b/.

Severe Depression

>>686666438
Shitting out Mac and Cheese. But with the upside that there is no chance of it tasting or being actual shit.

>>686666438
You have ex-ray porno vision but only for people who are unattractive.

you can understand birds, but they can't understand you and they hate you

Goldfish mind-reading

Teleporting 1mm every half an hour

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The power to kill yourself slowly and painfully, also known as living life.

white privilege.

being OP

>>686666438
The power to lose money every time you get it, and
it goes to support donald trumpf

being able to timetravel 3 seconds into the future but getting extremely exhausted from doing it.

>>686666438
can become invisible but only
while playing a trombone.

>>686666438
The power to remove shoelace aglets.

>>686666438
White male privilege

Power to get any girl, but as soon as either of you touch. You cum

>>686670443
Damn

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>>686670217
Muh kekz

Being able to transform milk into water

roll LW

The power to kill anyone with one punch, but only if your hands are tied behind your back.

>>686666438
posting on /b/
>seems useless so far

X only when Y is so fucking lazy

The ability to swim through jello without incident.

>>686666438

The power to become permanently black at will.

>>686671587
One time ability, used to start life over if necessary. Not useless

>>686667311
Security cameras.
>>686667360
Sell them.
>>686668074
If you're trapped with no food, just shit, and keep eating your shit until you are rescued.
>>686670563
Do magic tricks, maybe get a little money.
>>686670663
This could be useful in the unlikely scenario that you are tied down and about to be tortured. Just punch yourself in the back, killing yourself and saving you the pain.

making decent memes

The ability to hibernate

>>686672587
>Humans don't need to hibernate to survive
>The ability to do so regardless is effectively useless and even damaging

Well done anon

Ability to read someones mind but only if they tell you what they were thinking about.

>>686672288
But then you'd become a God.

Able to stop time, but you are completely frozen and unable to think while it is stopped.

>>686668066
Art

>>686672875
Honestly any tautology based power tends to be pretty useless.

power to ejaculate without touching your dick, but also without orgasm

>>686667360
>>686668074
How is summer guys?

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you can make a dick cum in under 3 seconds with your butthole but only black dicks

>>686673094
like pissing

>>686673094
Are you kidding? This is God tier porn actor power right there.

The ability to get good grades in the humanities.

Read your own mind

ability to breath in space would be pretty useless if u cant get there

Have the ability to understand what is wrong with the world and how to fix it.

Every time you sleep you dream the future but you instantly forget when you wake up.

Ambidextrous masturbation

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>>686666913
>>686667311
>>686668074
>>686668171
>>686668244
>>686669739
>>686669745
>>686670443
>>686670663
>>686672875
>>686672974
>>686673094
>>686673215

>>686666438
Electromagnetic Radiation Vision

>>686673493
/thread
No one will ever listen to you. Pure hell, can make a perfect world but everyone ignores you.

>>686666438
completely resistant to all seduction and attraction methods

Immune to poisonous gases without being Jewish

Ability to get an 8 inches dick erection, but just with your clothes on.

The ability to know the proof of any drink once you taste it.

Ability to speak any language but only above 20kHz

>>686666438
>>the ability to one time flip all your skin inside out
>>you sink in sand
>>you can create cancer on /b/
>>you become a wild nigger

>>686666438

To glow in lit areas.
the power to always get dubs.
to be reborn infinitely but forget everything you did previously

>>686675018
I'll take the third one.

better then heaven/hell/reincarnated as a beetle/perma dirt hole

being able to become mexican whenever you please

>>686675018
the ability of jump very high, but can't resist the fall. and only works indoors

the ability to live off benefits

>>686675418
niggers do it fine

Aquaman

The ability to distinguish semen owners by taste.

The ability to hang upside down for hours.

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>>686667960
Fucking underrated post!

>>686675415
the ability to phase through matter when falling

>>686675822
the ability to piss shit

>>686675675
You're a trillion dollar crime scene investigator now

good thing you like the taste of cum right?

ability to find the g spot every time

>>686675957
people are into piss and shit.

You'd make money doing porn.

>>686676053
then you get the ability to turn money in skin

>>686676032
kek

best one yet

>>686676032
but you turn in a tetraplegic man that can't talk

The ability to sweat sunscreen

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>>686676274
Thank you kind sir

>>686675492
still fucking useless

The ability to type 4k wpm on 4chan

>>686673814
I have the TOE, quantum gravity explained. But I dont have the mats to make the world listen, Breaks my heart. I know!

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To have an aneurysm just by thinking about it.

to spot if OP is a faggot

>>686678148
Everyone has that

After being shot 7 times every 8th bullet bounces off.

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Go anywhere back in time, but do EXACTLY the same things with no memory of arriving.

Go back to present and then remember everything that happened.

Repeat going back in time trying to leave a clue to right history.

Succeed timeline changed karma.jpg
but then the universe balances and your future self dies

leaving you in the past forever with no memory until you get older and learn to go back in time to change things...

mindfuck.jpg groundhogday.jpg

>>686667960
ayyyyy

>>686669434
underrated post

>>686678305
50 cent pretty much

>>686678148
OP is always a faggot, gtfo

>doing it for free

Invisibility. Because you would go blind.

Infinity vision: the power to see through everything, literally. You see all the way through everything into the void beyond the universe, but you don't see anything in-between That void and you.

Some blind people may already have this.

The ability to swap your boner for a bone and your bones for boners.

>>686679012
I see what you did there.. Or did I?

The ability to draw photo realistic penises every time you start drawing

>>686679012
Read the Magic of Recluce. Guy turns invisible and has that precise thing happen to him.

You can read the minds of chickens and fish
They are too dumb for coherent thought..

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>>686666438
The power to be OP

>>686679374
"Hold on! Maybe the chicken saw something!" (Stares intently at chicken)

>corn...peck...worm...peck...dirt..........peck

The ability to swap facial hair with anyone you high five.

Having the midas touch

>>686679625
I would do that to world record holders, and then shave it off in front of them

America

The ability to telekinetically pop a balloon by thinking about it but only when you are already inside the balloon.

The ability to attract men as a straight guy.

>>686666438
russia

>>686679695
I'd go swimming

The power to vote for a president.

Able to rob as much as you want without consequences but not being black

>>686679810
>>686679899
Cute

the ability to delete child pornography from an internet imageboard

>>686679810
>was waiting for this
Faggot

The ability to call for mods

The ability to be warp into the women's locker room, but only when no one is there and while you have a toilet plunger up your ass

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>>686666438
the USA

The ability to eat poop safely but normal food is now toxic to you.

The ability to know if someone is lying by eating their shit

>>686673066
Chronic depression fag here, no artistic skills whatsoever, and have no motivation to even try to learn.
Your argument is invalid

invisibility for me

The ability to always know the precise time

The power to freeze time only of you're standing still

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The ability to skip time but no one can understand it no matter how often you explain it

Always knowing who would win in hypothetical fights.

>>686681130
>hurr what is gambling on boxing
That would be an extremely useful super power

>>686669276
Gave me a kek anon

The ability to increase the size of your knees by blowing into your thumb.

>>686681214
Boxing is real and not hypothetical. Dumbass.

>>686681442
>I don't know what hypothetical means
>of, based on, or serving as a hypothesis.
>I wonder who would win in a fight, boxer X or boxer Y.
>I know because I have a power that knows the result of any hypothetical fight

The ability to shrink your fingernails

The ability to become permanently stupider.

>>686666438
the ability to shit out of my pisser

The abilty to tell black people from white people

>>686681416
That's my fetish!

>>686681622
>Once it's real its no longer hypothetical
>Newfag gotta prove he's smarter one on b.
>Referring to hypothetical as in superman vs goku.
>People would notice you always win and bet the same as you thus ruining the spread.

Ability to put and keep every fem-anon into the friend zone.

the ability to enter a parallel universe at any time
it looks exactly like the one you left except for details you probably can't identify somewhere you don't know

You can see in the dark but you cannot hear or speak in the dark.

>>686673662
haha i get it
because we can already see light
and that's on the em radiation spectrum

The ability to mimic any animal sound

Invisibility.

Invisibility is pretty much a useless super-power as it is. Or at least not as useful as people think.

How do your eyes work? Do you think you'll be able to see if light passes right through you? Enjoy being blind.

The ability to fly but only on airplanes

>>686682174
Listen up moron, until a conclusion is met, ALL results are hypothetical. This means that nothing is certain until the outcome has been met.
For example, when you and your wife's boyfriend's son are lubed up and wresting in the bathtub playing "say uncle" tonight, the power will tell me which one of you chucklefucks will win. While both participants are real, the result is hypothetical. And the power is giving you the result.

>>686666438

The USSR

The ability to fly at supersonic speeds

You can speak to fish

>>686682699
How is that useless?

>>686682416
Would be way more useful. Em vision would allow you to detect infrared, ultraviolet, radio, etc. Only reason it wouldn't be awesome is that it could be maddeningly complicated and messy, like how our ears only pick up certain sounds because otherwise we'd be distracted.

>>686682746

The force exerted on your body would kill you.

>>686682174
Not him but you're a dumb cunt, maybe the dumbest on 4chan.

>>686682925
make an aerodynamic suit?

Burp the alphabet

The strength of a regular man but you're a woman.

The ability to identify the empire state building

>>686682925
Not necessarily. You could wear a pressure suit and go through training. Then you could fly without a jet, and still have tons of fun.

>>686682679
>smartest fag on b. You win a cookie. Must be an amerifag with low blood sugar.
Choose a different word than hypothetical the origami post was Referring about all those hypothetical/imaginary fights that everyone on /b/ always fights about. Not about a fight that is no longer hypothetical because it is actually happening.

>>686683072

There is no suit on earth that would be able to help you. The heat generated from flight would kill you or your lungs would explode if you flew without a breathing tank.

>>686682699
G forces would kill you according to science.

You can convert anything into shit

>>686666438
I make beer flat

The power of shitting of your shoulders

>>686666438
ability to grow your dick only for the purpose of masturbation. when you attempt to fornicate, the anaconda you've been growing for "Becky" shrinks to the size of a turtle's dick

The ability to transform into other people but only people on the World's most wanted lists.

>>686683390
Then you just don't know what hypothetical means, even though I gave you a definition. And no one is arguing whether teh fight is real, the argument is what the power is. The power will give you the correct result of a fight between two people, real or fake. This is because the power projects the HYPOTHETICAL WINNER. What's hypothetical is the RESULT, despite the reality of the combatants.

TL;DR: Open a dictionary you fucking mong.

the skill of making cakes the fastest as possible

Blasting bastards with my lightning from my hand to win

>>686683554
That's not how it works. G forces happen during acceleration. And while doing sharp turns. You could always slow down before taking turns, or always fly in a straight line.
>>686683507
Then why fly without an air tank?
The heat happens from friction with air. That's where the suit comes in. Become more aerodynamic, air flows past you, instead of colliding and causing friction.

>>686683390
why do you keep bringing up how smart you and him are?

The power of taking a shit in public without feeling ashamed

The power to know why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch.

>>686683958
So assuming you don't die getting up to speed or simply pass and fall back to earth, you would have to fly in a straight line and never stop. Fairly certain once you stop, your organs would Alan around inside you.

>>686683720
NOOO ITS BECKY

>>686666438

America

Desaturation

The ability to stretch your limbs but not put them back normal size ever again.

>>686684359
Just for that Trump is going to nuke your sorry faggot ass

The power to make anything taste like cherry ChapStick

>>686684268
That's acceleration again. I'm assuming that you can accelerate how fast/slowly you want of course. Then you should be able to brake slowly as well.

Every time it rains your hip hurts?

You could hold your breath indefinitely but only while you're submerged in orange gelatin.

to inflict people with gout at will

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topping niggas and anons with my fat knob

Becoming allergic to anything you want

The ability to chug an entire keg without stopping.

>>686666438
The ability to turn 360 degrees and walk away.

Able to make all your farts smell like cinnabun

The power to make other people shit your shits for you so whenever you had to shit, it would come out of someone else's ass.

>>686666438
odorless farts

>>686685042
So moonwalking?

>>686685201
I would call it walkmooning.

>>686666438
Teleportation, without the ability to displace matter that isn't you.

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Farts become pure ozone. You can kill the world or be useless.

>>686685201
Or you know, walk backwards

You can become mexican for ever

Having alot of op's but not enough dicks

>>686685399
Then you get to build the wall.

>>686666438
The ability to samefag with a single post.

>>686685512
>>686685512
the wall that no one can afford

France

>>686682127
That's just your sense of smell.

>>686666438
OP.

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>>686676549
>useless

>>686669745
Kek

>>686685583
But the fuhrer said mexico can

the ability to tumble but not able to pump

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The power to conjure a liberal arts degree

Premature Ejactulation

>>686685891
i guess with slave labor

>>686673350
Underrated post

ability to wear any size shoe comfortably

>>686678570
tl;dr

go fuck yourself

You charm everyone, but they die if you Touch them

>>686666438
>One for all.

>>686685571
>>686685571
samefag

>>686685990
>wasting ink on Gaben's fat ass
Fucking disgusting.

ability to read really fast but unable to remember what you read

>>686686386
i have that power

>>686685310
Lol, that would blow so much. Can't even teleport on the surface of the planet, because of the atmosphere. Maybe make a few vacuum chambers expressly for the purpose of receiving your teleportation?

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>>686685719
>France
>my Sides
this

>>686686386
1. read it loudly and record it
2. ???
3. profit

>>686679878
>Seduction powers are only useful for getting laid
kek

>>686686463
I think he means you can't teleport with, for example clothes, because that matter is not you anon.

Able to let anyone who asks you a question read your mind.

The power to predict future with a standard chance of failure

>>686686666
that is a neat post number I must say

>>686673215
Perfect in prison, just touch their dick with your puckered butthole for 3 sec, squirming too much for them to penetrate and prepare for blackjaculation all over your worthless slut ass. Repeat as often as necessary.

>>686666438
The ability to digest radiactive waste.

Always able to find the tv remote

>>686683720
a turtle's dick is pretty big

>>686686994
the ability to put the remote in the same place everytime

>>686666438
>>686666666

>>686666438
urinating mercury or acid

You cum strong acid (but it doesn't harm you)

the ability to shitpost

The ability to cum ants.

>>686666438
the ability to see 0.1 second in the future/past

>>686686703
Neither

>>686666438

It has to be SUPER and a POWER but it must also be useless... let's see...

The ability to generate worthless opinions and be extremely vocal about them to a point that everyone thinks they are true even though they are very much not!

...wait, all politicians and news faggots have this...

The ability to extort others, becoming the richest person on the planet while everyone else works... wait, bankers have this.

The ability to work to death while never accomplishing anything... well, no, the working class (99% of mankind) has this one...


Fuck, this is hard!

The power to imitate (but not fully use) abilities from this thread matching this post's last two numbers

>>686666438
The ability to make people gay
https://youtu.be/-ytqQIE14fQ

The ability to win arguments on /b/

>>686687419
then what anon?

>>686666438
Growing hair on the inside of your skin