I will friend.

>>686424632
i'm lurking /b/ro

me too

dont think of your family its also the pussy way out be a man and live

>>686424632
Why not just do it now

okay
>I was a top notch student
>smart ,studies does homework straight A's in math and stuff until high school
>was 2 years away from completing classical guitar degree
>after graduating I enroll in premed-one year and we take something like MCAT
>I am 18 now
>start first year at college full of pep and stuff
>I can't study or focus
>literally can't focus
I'm getting to the shit part

>>686424879
because I want to make my parents "hate" me so they won't miss me as much

>I always suspected I had a different mindset
>wanna make parents proud so that's why I enroll in premed
>finish year and fail mcat
>barely pass the year
>never liked the medical field just science
>i wasted a year it's ok I tell myself
>have a friend who is a leet hacker and decide to pursue CS
>fast forward my uncle kills himself
>not blaming him ofc may he RIP but I fail another year
>i just can't focus since high school
>start crying at nights-no self harm tho just lots of crying and anxiety
>hide the fact I failed from parents and tell them I will be going to second year but the bachelor is 4 years-it's not

>>686424912
Listen up bud.
>Be me finish off 4yr BS public health
>Decide need more money go preMD
>6 years in now still have a year to go
>Almost done no failed classes
>extremely difficult seen only the dedicated survive most drop out tho

You don't have what it takes change your career path or hang yourself.

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>>686425256
>I decide to motivate myself and will focus
>still can't
>get into prescription pills on and off
>I'm clean now
>no social life whatsoever
>can't even enjoy music anymore
>mfw I will never leave my shithole country like I promised myself-wanted to immigrate to canada
>will hang myself when parents go for work
>can't let them see my splattered brains all over the wall

>>686425511
>>will hang myself when parents go for work
>>can't let them see my splattered brains all over the wall
No wonder you're failing med school, dumb fuck.

>>686425651
dude I just can't sit for more than 5 minutes anymore
sudden abrupt change
I used to LOVE just studying for hours
I just snapped and can't sit still anymore
it's driving me mad

>>686425651
I might just jump go for the helium bad
I have a month till we finish this year
I have one week till finals and I can't study
I tried
I need a B to pass the year
if I failed-which I will I'll kms
any tips?

really guys
where are my lurkers please

>>686425839
>any tips?
>helium bad
Yeah the helium bag won't work. They add oxygen to it now.

>buy charcoal grill
>seal room - tape door/windows shut
>light grill
>breathe deeply

or go to a Dr and tell them about your focusing problems.

Your choice.

>>686426239
how can I look my parents in the eyes and tell them I failed 3 times
I can't even make myself up to go study
I could pass the year if I get a B on finals
I just...can't

>>686426346
Why can't you tell them you're failing?

How is your relationship so fucked up that there's no honesty between you?

>>686426513
it's not fucked
but I am 21 and achieved nothing
I don't want to disappoint them anymore
my brother is the same age and s about to finish his MBA
3 wasted years
I won't be able to do anything nor immigrate
getting there first is what matters man
my mom already has her dead brother since a year and she still can't sleep
neither does my grandma-they still rely on sleeping pills stilnox
he killed himself as I said
my brother made it
and when we were younger everyone said I'd be the successful one
3 years wasted man
fml
and they don't trust me anymore because I was a heavy drinker those last 2 years always came puking and alone not at parties or some shit like that

>>686424912
ASK for help. There shoulg be some pills for this.

>>686426792
it's too late
I'm 21
and I read up on ADHD and it's all in your head,
like, it's a "social disease"
maybe laziness?
and it's too late
I wasted the 3 prime years of my life

>>686426765
It IS fucked. And you're fucked up because of it.

Not everyone succeeds at everything they try. If your parents really loved you they'd know that instead of putting pressure on you to become something you can't. Also they wouldn't compare your brother to you so much.

You're a little man. You worry too much about their opinion of you instead of living your own life and finding YOUR path.

>>686427390
i just want them to be happy
how can I achieve anything
I am "old" with no talents or exp whatsover

>>686424632
>In a month

You're gonna talk yourself out of it in a week, if not then a few days

>>686427960
I've been thinking about it since I failed last year
I'm intrigued as in how no one encouraged me to study and try passing the year

>>686424632
Don't hang yourself. As a person who found one of my hallmates hanged in his room... this is too much to make anyone see.
He was hanging 3 meters in front of me. I saw him through the letterbox. Completly insane. It happened 2 weeks ago.
Don't hang yourself OP. Those who find you will get destroyed mentally.

(apology for bad english)

You are depressed OP, it's a common disease.
A lot of people heals from it. A lot of people dies from it too.

First you have to understand that this disease is making you see things from a wrong perspective, everything seems worse than it is and you can't feel hope or satisfaction.
You have to talk about it to a doc and to your family.

Read about depression, OP

>>686428056
the charcoal method is nice
or just take a shitload of sleeping pills and go out with a peaceful smile?

>>686428134
but that doesn't explain why I couldn't focus
I wasted 3 years so maybe it adds up to depression
I just want to sleep eternally and lay in my grave

>>686427661
If they're gonna be unhappy because they've imposed some unattainable goal on you there's NOTHING you can do about it.
It seems you have tried and failed and guess what? That's OK. It happens.

You're 21. Your life is still in start mode. You can be successful in some other endeavor.

If you still have this overwhelming guilt of how they feel - Man up. KILL THEM ALL and yourself.
No one has any worry's then eh, m8?

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>>686428165
If a person wants to kill himself or something PLZ
>put a bag on your head if you wish to kill yourself.
The face of a person that committed suicide will haunt other for the rest of their lives.

>>686428357
they didn't set goals actually
they said do what makes you happy but I wanted to make them proud
my brother works in a bank as a teller and that's where he'll stay... in a bank
I wanted to be somebody so they could be proud
where I come from being young is everything

>>686428472
will do

>>686428241
>but that doesn't explain why I couldn't focus

It does, just google it (can't post link)

>>686428241
not being able to focus is very much a symptom of a depression

>>686428619
>>686428655
>>686428134
I am 21 what can I be depressed about
I am not an edgelord like all those swagfags: hurrdurr look at me I iz sad
I hate those fkin kids man

>>686424632
Hey OP I'm sitting here ready to fap on frontpage searching for some hot chicks and I saw your post.
How about not killing yourself?
I mean,there is no downside to still life or is there? If you wish to die anyways and don't give a fuck about this world why don't you just go out and attack some hobos, or run as far as you can in one direction until you get out of town and maybe have an adventure!

Why don't you just do something you were unable to because it is horribly dangerous? It doesn't matter if you're killing yourself either ways or does it?

But whatever man, I hope you'll change your mind and be happy again, heck I even kinda know how you feel, I've been there before, but if you can't be convinced otherwise just kill yourself, it's your decision afterall.

I'm having a wank now

Anon out

>>686428752

(still apology for bad english)

Depression can be due to traumatic experience or emotional shock, the loss of someone, of an ideal, etc

It doesn't have anything to do with beeing weak it's a desease, if you had leucemia you wouldn't say fuck those skinheads : hurrdurr look at me I iz bald

>>686428536
>where I come from being young is everything
Well that doesn't last long does it, dumb fuck?

Look - you're depressed and need help. Talking it out does help sometimes but there's also meds available to help you along. And this is coming from a guy who thinks people are over medicated too much.

You NEED professional help. Seek it. Your parents should be proud of you doing that.

>>686429047
>run as far as you can in one direction until you get out of town and maybe have an adventure!
>I'm having a wank now
>Anon out

See ya later Forrest.

>>686429047
I always wanted to know what it feels like to take the life out of someone
see the light go out
I should try killing some hobos
>>686429054
you're right
>>686429206
people are overmedicated yes
indeed!!
see my point?
I am not young anymore why even bother if I carry on in CS I won't get a job some 21 year old fuck will take it from me and live the life I was supposed to have
>>686429368
kek

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>>686428752
Joining a club or doing sports will help you socialize. I can highly recommend that.
Forget about killing yourself.
If there isn't anything after death you will be nothing and you will have NO SECOND CHANCE of enjoying life in any other aspect than what you have given yourself atm.
Start new hobbies. Don't give up you got this.
If you really want to be happy then go out and make your own happiness.
>Redo your current life.
>Start a conflict with everything that annoys you.
>be a new you.
If there is nothing after death, don't waste this one chance.

>>686429054
And you are 21 OP, you still can change and do something great. Eventually you'll look at the times were you where depressed and smile that you got over it.

If you decide to fight, try to see a psychiatrist, don't just take medication, take it, but see a psychiatrist, it's important.

>>686429536
I loved the guitar man and sports aren't really something I enjoy
I am already aggressive hence no one talks to me much
I hate society and don't want to socialize thanks for the help anyways
>>686429606
I tried and diagnosed me with bipolar and gave me depakote which did nthn so I stopped seeing him
>>686429536
>>686429606
I'll try studying hard now and passing the year
thank you all for your support and I'll update in a month if I pass

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>>686429912
Don't waste this one chance in life.
There will be none in death. Nobody.
Death is the most brutal of all kinds of loneliness, there will be nobody with you when you are gone.
Forget religion and all that (even though it can give peace to some).
Plz don't kill yourself.

>>686429479
>people are overmedicated yes
>indeed!!
>see my point?
But that doesn't mean that it won't work for SOME people.
> live the life I was supposed to have
In my "perfect world" we're all rich, thin, handsome and young. But reality is different.
You gotta make the best of it that you can.

And when you need help you seek help.

>>686430192
then "pray" for me-I'm not religious but hey let's try- to pass my finals

>>686430330
well it didn't work for me
fucking bipolar my ass
I might be borderline or paranoid but not bipolar

his only basis was that I talk too fast so I had mania...

keep it alive please I need to poop
yeah I also poop a lot
like before an exam I poop 3 times in one hour on an empty stomach
maybe anxiety?
though I had a good childhood but no friends and bullied but parents were the best

>>686429912
>I tried and diagnosed me with bipolar and gave me depakote which did nthn so I stopped seeing him
Well there you go.
I have more experience with bipolar than I want to.
My wife was Dx'd 25 years ago - back when they called it Manic - Depressive.
It takes more than 1 t meds to find out what works for you. Sometimes it's a combination.

You gave up too early. A typical action of a bipolar person along with quitting the meds because you feel better "now".

You need to go back and start again with this.

If this was in any way true you'd do it now, instead of waiting a month for some arbitrary reason. Just do it you useless piece of shit.

>>686430383
You know what? Ok. I will pray for that you will get on with your life and live happy.

bump for a dumb fuck

>>686426346
how can you look them in the eyes and tell them you killed yourself over picking the wrong major and losing academic momentum? change your major and get some adderall dipstick

>>686432148
>how can you look them in the eyes and tell them you killed yourself
kek

I want to believe...

>>686426765
sunk cost fallacy bro, its just making excuses to feel sorry for the position you're in instead of changing it. 3 years of tuition wasted maybe, but you're talking about squandering a lifetime over taking 3 years to figure out you're on the wrong path, some people take way longer to figure that out, or never do

>>686432486
I Want and loved CS field
I even have a friend who is a fkin leet hacker I swear I Saw him lol
but the focus is my main problem
I have the "blues" if I dare

>>686432148
I picked premed ok I reckon but I failed first year CS because no focus and am about to fail another time because I didn't study
I have my finals in 5 days and will try to give it my best
wish me luck /bros

>>686426346
Fuckin PUSSY, stop crying and get your head straight. You sound like such a bitch mang

>>686433093
at times I feel like a bitch
and the crying I can't help it
I've always been an emotional person hence the awesome guitar playing I do

>>686428752
depression isn't feeling blue about something you dink. it's an imbalance. an inability of your brain to manufacture positive feelings. the fact that you know you have nothing to feel "depressed" about is proof that it's brain chemistry related. when i hit bottom i had to keep reminding myself i had no legit reason to go through with killing myself it was all in my head. it's the very reason you think killing yourself is the only option when you're still a pup. what if you spent the past few years as a crack addict suckin dicks? how many people would you have to kill to atone for that? failing out of a major that isn't your calling is nothing to be ashamed of, people will commend you for realizing and changing your course. or yeah just make your folks really proud by offing yourself over it, and saddle them with guilt and trauma for the rest of their lives. that'll show em

>>686429479
quit calling yourself old you little whelp, you know nothing of this world yet

>>686429912
i see why you failed medschool now, trying one med isn't gonna fix you. medicating people is more of an art then a science, a lot of guess and check till you find what works. sounds terrible i know, but if you give up after one try you're doing it wrong. that goes for life too

>>686425281
Please kill yourself

>>686434540
why did you tell him that
you are all trying to convince me not to kms and study and see a shrink and now you tell him kys wtf man
pls explain your POV

>>686434726
I've known people who have killed themselves. Your just an attention seeking faggot

>>686435097
I am OP you asshole

>>686435233
I know. Kill yourself

>>686425511
where the fuck do you live? Serbia?

>>686435405
_|_
>>686435494
I wish
Lebanon,beirut

>>686426765
>i don't want to disappoint them
>kills himself

dude that's exactly the worst that could happen to their eye, everything else is insignificant next to that...

>>686435577
>I wish
kek
i am from that area, and its hard to Imagine that Lebanon is worse then the Balkans.
describe please

>>686435705
well no because they would never suspect me of kms
I'm not a psycho but I never show my emotions especially around the house

>>686435939
enta lebnene?
mn wen??

>>686435939
describe what?
the majority of the people me included are low-class
no jobs
no medical security
no fucking peace or good police
shit govnmnt
shit food because no health inspections
we have the longest trash chain
what good is there here
people are dying this last month because people shoot up the sky at will to "celebrate" and the bullets fall and kill them-don't know the term for that
look lebanon up it's shit
everyone wants to immigrate
we have more illegal syrians than lebanese ffs
>>686435939
where are you from?

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>>686425721
Why can't you focus anymore, can you give me the year it started?

Do you own a smart phone? When did you start owning one?

When did you start using the internet? What year?

What websites do you visit everyday?

>>686436675
It started since 2013
I had smartphone since last high school year and basically 4chan, porn and "controversial" websites
anarchistic stuff and books like 1984 and stuff
fk the popo kind of stuff
I like reading a lot on the internet
I have a laptop and learned basically a lot of c++ this past year on my own

>>686436675
wtf is that webm
sauce??

>>686436932
I suspect you started losing focus when you started using the internet, using smartphones, and visiting entertaining sites daily.

Is that the case? Only you can confirm since you know the exact year.

Internet and social media and smarphones can cause "dopamine loop", and they're addicting, therefore has the same physical damage to the brain as drugs and alcohol addiction.

Look it up.

My pre-internet self is smarter than my current self. I could do things when I was young that I couldn't do anymore.

>>686424632
Sounds to me you could use some international herb my friend to focus get rid of your depression and anxiety

>>686437073
dont know her name

>>686436932
>dopamine loop
http://www.slideshare.net/nathalienahai/mobile-mastery-26581286

>internet addiction same physical brain damage as drug addiction
https://www.promises.com/articles/other-types-of-addiction/social-media-affects-the-brain-like-a-drug/

>>686437664
I dont even have a facebook ffs
This cannot be it sorry
thanks for tryin tho

>>686436028
what? is that Albanian?

>>686425721
Try Martial Arts.

>>686437971
But you said you have a smartphone and visit 4chan and porn, same thing.

Why don't you try quitting them for a month, see if you get your focus back.

>>686438023
lebanese chat
instead of shitty arabic

>>686438133
You all frequent porn and the chans
Why did it affect me

>>686438133
>>686437971
Visiting 4chan daily can diminish your quality of life. I know because once a storm hit my town and we had no electricity for 1 week and I couldn't use the computer or internet, I notice in those 1 week I felt like human again, with more focus and energy.

>>686438251
>You all frequent porn and the chans
Most users here are NEETs, no jobs, no school.

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>>686436288
yeah sucks
i am from Bosnia
pretty much the same here
well at least we dont kill each other anymore
for now
good thing is we dont need visa for the EU anymore
can visit GF in Vienna often, and feel like a normal human for a couple of days, before going back to my Ghetto Country

pic related, my city

>>686438511
At,least you have gf and a job
When career threads pop up here I see 23 y old programmers with 6 figure salaries and I'll still be in college by that time
Fml

>>686426930
ADHD is not "all in your head".
I have had this very bad for 20 years. I am talking about to the point where learning basic algebra was very hard. Let it be known and get pills for the bullshit.

>>686438797
well
i have no Job
most young people dont
and i had a gf
i fucked up
and i was already planing to propose
cause i really like her
but also while i could immigrate to Austria

i feel pretty bad man
i also screwed up my college
thats why i red your story, why do you want to end it all
i understand it...

>>686424632
▲
▲ ▲

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thread is dead
post random shit

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>>686440201

OP here
thread died but thank you all
I have no time for shrink because finals next week but I'll give it my best and get diagnosed in summer
I'll try to pass the fkin finals
And won't kms
thank you guys