>>683552848
I can make bread in my abdomen but it must be surgically removed each time.

Input poorly written 50 cent joke here

you can fly -5mm above the ground.

>>683552848
> Shoots self with bb gun 12 times

>>683552848
Should've been more specific

>shoot myself with a nerf gun 12 times
>now I'm prepared if I ever get robbed

>>683553986
DAMN YOU FUCKING 2 SECONDS BEFORE MY POST YOU FUCKIN DICK

You can breath under 1000 tons of water but you still have to deal with the pressure of the water.

I have to fire twelve shots before i can hit.
you are my arch nemesis.

I have xray vision. I see through everything.

I have non sterile sperm . That means I can cum inside bitches without getting them pregnant

I can guess anyone's name, as long as it's Randy.

>>683554158
>under 1000 tons of water
so about an inch under the surface of the ocean? The entire surface of the ocean must be at least 1000 tons of water right?
Technically you'd be under it.

or better yet, make a huge hole in a mountain, fill with water, exactly 1000 tons now you can breathe under water, just about anywhere you want as long as it is lower than the mountain.

>>683554463
so you mine as well be blind.

>fireproof, but you still need to breath

>>683554646
In which case you'd already know their name, because you'd be unable to guess it.

>>683554654
Retard detected

I can go back in time 0.1 ms

Be able to stop time
As long as you stop moving.

>>683554749
knowing that your name is not Randy does not tell me your name.

>>683554949
kek

>>683554920
No I just took what was said at face value.
maybe you shouldn't be so illiterate and actually word it properly.

>>683553570
so you can hover over water only getting your feet wet?

>>683554949

Its preety nice superpower its like superhuman reflex

I have the ability to Teleport but die in the process

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>>683555079

>>683553070
Infinite food - solves hunger problems

I can see through women's clothing but only while screaming at the top of my lungs.

>>683554949
haha

>>683554984
I miss read, sorry
I thought it was "I can guess anyone's name, as long as it isn't Randy"
I need to pay more attention

>>683554949
so the game SuperHot?
>>683554935
why not just keep doing it then?

>>683555141
Been playing some Overwatch I see

>>683555137
No, because the moment you move to do anything, time starts again, even movement of your eyes would undo the effect.

>>683553070
do what they do with cows and leave a open hole in your side

>>683555217
Awesome strawman,
I never said i was trolling, i said you are illiterate

im able to catch any grammatical error, but when i point them out im a faggot.

>>683555318
play it off as extreme social anxiety.
you just keep having panic attacks when you see pretty women

travel to the future 1 second after 1 second for your whole life

>>683556255
so you age twice as fast. that sucks dick.

>>683555647
Kek

>>683554920
Imagine if writers were like you...
"Why didn't they just ride the eagles into mordor?"
"You're a retard that's why!

>>683554028
unless u hit with a shotgun and in this universe each shrapnel is a shot

>>683554949
this means your organs as well!

>>683556566
The point is it's a shit power

>>683553570
that means even falling from the building or a plane, you won't die.
seems good to me

>>683556566
so when you die, time stops forever.

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>>683555797

>>683556766
Fallacy after fallacy, are you a feminist perchance?

>>683554561
what's the point when you only fuck traps and shemale

>>683552848

>Drink 12 shots of vodka
>Be bulletproof
>Drink another 12 shots
>Rince and Repeat

Be able to shoot cum at any moments notice .

>>683556001
>I'm

Im a man, but i agree with feminism
/thread

You can kill yourself at any given moment!
What a great power!

>>683557050
faggot

Ice powers

Now you have to live in either north/south pole to be able to survive.

>summon any video game, book, or movie character
>they immediately try to kill you and have 5X more strength than expected, ranged and melee weaponry has no effect, you must defeat them in fist to fist combat, only after you knock them out do they act in character/ regain normal human strength levels

The ability to regenerate 25% of my body everytime 50% of my body is destroyed.

>>683552848
to hear the thoughts of every creature in existence capable of having thoughts each as a loud shrill scream inside your head

invisible when no one is watching u

The power to see the future, but only while you're looking at clocks.

>>683555141
can I teleport others ?
that means I can easily kill anyone

>>683556559
Well, if someone fires a shotgun would you say the shot it once? or 12 times, because there are 12 balls in the shell?

being shot is having someone shoot your with a firearm, not having shrapnel in them.

standing in front of a fragmentation explosive isn't being shot, but it is having shrapnel launched into them.

You can cure yourself of any disease

but you have to concentrate the disease into a limb and cut it off. How much you need to cut off depends on the disease.

>>683552848
I'm black so this works for me when I get pulled over

able to shit golden drops but only in Detroit downtown street corners

>>683556763
No.
>Take corpse
>Put it in one of those vacuum seal bags
>Attach to windmill

Problem solved.

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>>683557189
Oh no, you got me

>>683556905
Yes I am Anita Sarkeesian

>>683552848
you can walk on water but only if the water less than 6 feet deep

>>683557450
fucking einstein over here saved us all.
hopefully you can act quick enough.

>>683557458
Explains the constant straw manning and inability to admit ones mistakes.

>>683557666
hail satan

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>>683557558
Thank you sir. I try.

>>683557666
Satan detected

i can summon dubs but only one post before 404.

>>683557251
worth it, just carry a watch and hold it up when you want to see the future
>>683557243
you can't watch an invisible person, after the first time becoming invisible you'd stay that way
>>683557240
worth it.

>>683557450
Wouldn't a more permanent solution be to put it on a rocket and launch it into orbit?

>>683557837
waitaminute, nigger.
technically we are always moving since the science fags think the universe is infinitely expanding.

ability to glow in the light

>>683557837
That depends, technically it would be moving but I feel like it would be risky to leave his body flying around so it can crash into other stuff and get destroyed or burned up in the atmosphere. I mean this is stopping time we're talking about, we really can't take risks

>>683558046
alright, edward

>>683558046
you jest, but you can buy glow in the light stuff. it was even a fad for a short while. It'd be an amusing ability

>>683558046
what a tamality

>>683558006
I mean if you really wanna get technical, the earth orbits around the sun, which orbits around the Galaxy, which orbits around shit we don't even know about yet, so even in death he would still be moving in a sense. Not autonomous movement though.

You can breath fire but, none of your body is fireproofed.

>>683558006
huh, i suppose everything is moving at the molecular level in any case, and or relative to everything else.

>>683557211
Expect no strenght make all the waifu mine

>>683558190
you mean stuff that absorbs light in the light and glows in the dark? Cause he just said its glow in the light not glow in the dark :/

Your base penis length grows 8 inches for every minute you are erect.

you can fuck anyone you want, but if you are caught in any way, your pee pee falls off forever.

The ability to have any movie appear but they're all for vcr

>>683558191
What is this meme?

>>683557824
But 1. you have to be looking at a clock and
2. you are therefore seeing the clock in the future.

>>683558497
God is always watching. You're fucked. Also can't you already do this? I mean if you're fucking just anywhere the goal is usually not to get caught...

ability to spit acid but only when you are facing directly against strong winds.

>every time your hatred for minorities comes to mind you grow some black hair on your lip.
>Eventually giving you a hitler moustache and once you have gained the moustache you gain the ability to summon mustard gas or a MG42
>You can only use these weapons as long as your hatred for minorities stays on your mind the whole time
>the longer you use this ability you increase your odds of contracting syphilis or getting overwhelmed by slavs

>>683554561
>non sterile

Ok

You always have the right, but everything you say is wrong.

>>683558635
true about god.
maybe i wasnt clear enough. i should have specified that being caught at all would include people finding out about your ability.

ability to not shitpost only every site other than 4chan

>You get the ability to fuck any girl/boy
>95% chance your dick doesn't work

>>683558786
Kek

>>683558842
But... Can't you already have sex anywhere...

>>683558896
a chance is a chance, mofugga.

Pyrokinesis, but only when it's raining.

>>683558093
Lemme fix this for you earth moves it moves

>The ability to partake in incest and it not be incest
>You can now only have sex with family members.

>>683558969
>you can fuck anyone you want
read again kek.

you can become invisible to everyone constantly aware of your location.

>>683554654
way more if the whole surface of the ocean was on top of you. Just being under 1 inch under the surface of the ocean is the same as being 1 inch under the surface of the water in a kiddie pool.

The ability to teleport, but only into an adjacent room.

>You become invisible to everyone who is you.

>>683559088
Oh fuck I thought it said anywhere. Sorry anon, it's 2 AM here. Case closed.

You can run very fast, but only to the address to which you do not want / need to go

>>683556527
You are a retard if you can't figure out one of the many answers to that though.

>>683556763
Holy shit. Didnt think about that

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the power to /b/rowse all day watching repeated numbers and traps and calling everybody a fag

>>683559284
i figured. shit happens.

>you gain the ability to fuck any one
>but for every 5 seconds you are fucking them one year they reverse age all the way to a sperm.

>>683559005
just move to london and stay indoors

you can teleport to any dimension where death is almost certain.

>>683559438
Is this your fetish, anon-kun?

become president
Become an idiot

>>683559438
good thing i only last two.

>>683559569
pretty sure this is a real thing.

>>683558675
Brutal

>>683558598
the meme itself is a tamality

The ability to have any spider in a 5 yard radius, bite you on command

You have the power to know which religion was correct all along, but only one second before you die.

>You gain the ability to fuck anyone
>But they have to wear a dildo and peg you for 69 hours afterwards.

You gain a normie life.

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you are now a meme scientist

Have the ability to know when someone is going to die, but only if said person is a legitimate friend of yours.

-or-
The ability to read the minds of any severely mentally disabled person

>>683557211
Infinite toddlers

The ability to turn into a train in a split second, but you can never change back

>>683559682
>The ability to have any spider in a 5 yard radius ...*pause*.... bite you on command

That's what your comma is doing you illiterate fuck.

>Every 5th time you fap a black man busts on your face.

>>683559875
the latter.
use this to fuck with them.

>>683559919
fucking kek

>>683559931
>i'm going to nitpick on 4chan instead of just enjoying the funny posts
just kill yourself newfag

>>683559961
Good shit anon. I live in retardville, this would be helpful

>>683559931
Doing, you illiterate fuck.* ; )

Can play any instrument but only in your least favorite genre of music and the only band you can join is some shitty emo screamo band

>>683559931
>>683560118
lol holy shit, super faggot is here.
ref:
>>683556001

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you obtain the ability to go guru
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=atKUCxXanXA

>>683556650
Budum tss

The ability to believe in god but the inability to convince others you have this ability

>>683559919
holy shit kek

the ability so swim in sand only if youre in vegetable state

>Gain the ability to know if 9/11 was an inside job any time you want, but you instantly turn into a plane full of jet fuel.

I can predict correctly what anyone will do 5 seconds before it happens.

The ability to make cripples walk, but only while making direct eye contact
>stand up jimmy, I grant you the gift of legs
>woah holy shit I can walk
>*look away*
>ow FUCK

>>683552848
The ability to summon fish to do your bidding.

The ability to travel into the future but not be able to go back.

>>683560426
tell me when to go for dubs

I have the ability to control minds

>but only when I'm blackout drunk

>>683560426
but you forget it instantly

>>683554949
so like you can get a few more hours of sleep every night?
sign me up!

>>683560549
Fuck anon this is sinister

>>683560587
fuck no, if it worked like that, you would never fucking wake up
dont go to sleep, anon.

>>683560549
"You will get naked, come over to me ogihgoaienad then jump off a bridge."

>>683560509
Aquaman is a legitimately good superhero, hence his position on the justice league.
>but anon, his powers only work in the ocean
Yeah faggot and planes only work in the sky— fuck you.

>>683560768
>to do your bidding.
What if he means during an auction?

you can understand birds but they can't understand you

>>683559241
Yes please. Snap fingers and presto!
>dad's home
>newgrounds

you can take all the drugs you want without dying but you never come down

>>683552848
Invisibility, but while you were invisible, you're blind

The ability to use any surface like a slip and slide, but twice as likely to trip over nothing.

>>683552848
Predator vision (heat and xenomorph), but you can not switch back to normal.

You can speak any language as long as it is esparanto

can talk directly with god but you are a carrot

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>>683561030

>>683561348
Better yet you can recognize any language but can only reply in proto indo European

>>683561478
You have a black penis
>in color not in size

>>683559295
>I just wanna run away and never come back
>neighbor's yard

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>>683561478
You get a bbc but you get cucked by virgina state senator Dick Black

BJ any time you want. Always with teeth.

>>683559822
This is a win/win for me

>>683554463
>I am blind

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>>683559530
Kek

can always find waldo

>>683556746
You don't die from the impact you die from the sudden stop so... You still would die

>x power but only when y
The ability to spit really far

>>683562067
But, Carmen Sandiego is still missing.

>>683552848
>time

Time stops when you are sleeping.

>>683555318
>implying all of /b/ would not be socially, autistically awkward in order to see tits.

Yo. You know where you're at, right?

>>683562254
got me, nigger.
guess i didnt think about that.

>>683554646
lost my shit

always have internet but can never visit /b/

The ability to go black, but never go back.

live forever in africa

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I become omnipotent, but dematerialize a few months later.

>>683562379
This would be a blessing.

>>683561750
so an actual big black penis.
https://encyclopediadramatica.se/The_Great_Black_Dick_Hoax

>>683559875
>I am the Potato Whisperer...

>>683562525
If you are omnipotent, then you are all-powerful.

Which means, by virtue of omnipotency, you could prevent your dematerialization.

>>683560329
>ability to believe in

Everybody has the ability to believe anon

>>683557546
Easily this is one of the best. All religionfags will believe your the second coming of Jesus. You can fuck with people and be like, out Lord told us to slaughter the negros

You can block any attack but you pull the nearest person infront of you to block with

You can prevent ejaculation completely and you penis grows in size permenantly,but you have to be rubbing your nipples to do it.

And the growing effects never reverse.

The ability to come back from the dead.

But you come back in the past a day before you died

>>683553986
"Bullet"

>>683562848
legitimately no downside.

the ability to turn anything into a much more effective weapon but you are a neutral pacifist.

>>683560682
What? Of course you would. Time isonly stopped as long as you're not moving.

>>683562191
Underrated post...

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>>683562848
I could see this turning badly.

>Pic related

find a shekel every day.
you are a jew.

never have to sleep, never can sleep

>>683563052
He could go to sleep on a water bed with an agitator pump in it...

>>683554238
If you don't hit the first 12 shots then he doesn't get hit 12 times, so your 13th shot would be his first.

>>683561250
One hit of coke
>übermensch

>>683552848
Any woman will have sex with you but always accuse you of rape 24 hours later.

>>683563052
considering it is implied you stop time when you are sleeping (which would give you more sleepy time), you would not move again, effectively ending time.

>>683562819
I'm pretty sure my wife already has this power.

>>683562988
Maybe I should have specified more, you can't prevent your death

>infinite groundhog day

>>683563357
god damn. fuck that lol.

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SKUNK SUPERPOWER! SUPER STINK

>>683552848

To be able to eat out all the pussy you desire in an instant at any given time....


....but it can't be a vagina.

>>683557347
Conectrate aging into calf. Chop that hunk off. Let the muscle re-grow. Immortal

>>683563224
lol fuck. even worse.

can switch lives with someone, only the person who posts above you on /b/

>>683561886
God damnit anon

>>683559578
Uunderrated as Fuck

You can bring anyone back to life, but only if their parents are still alive in order for you to have sex with them and birth said person yourself and raise them

can speak to animals but they only want to talk about things that are boring.

>>683554949

As long as this dubs >>683556566 don't happen, it's great to re-think your asnwers on any test.

And also super reflexes in a battle

>>683559578
10/10 would read again

>>683563499
Here's to hoping they have a decent life.
>implying anyone on /b/ has a decent life

super strength only while trying to jack off

when you die your consciousness goes into another person but every time you jumps into someone it's during a brutal anal raping.

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You are the Ultimate life-form. you can never save your aryan girlfriend though.

>>683562928
>Shoots self with .22 12 times

>>683563443
Going along with aging being a disease, you would have to do a tiny amount for it to be only your calf, and the time it would take to regrow would be too long for that tiny amount

Time would catch up with you

>>683557240

Mathematically inmortal

Logically stupid

You gain infinite knowledge but can only convey that knowledge through pepe the frog memes. No text.

>>683563969
Just start getting body parts grafted on for the purpose of immortality.

You are an immortal homeless person with no chance at a decent future.

>>683552848
the power of constant fapping, all day everyday

>>683563941
That almost certainly will put you out of comission unless your a cow and its all body shots.

>>683552848
be able to read my own mind, or be able to see into my own past, or be able to transport 8 hours into the future using only a bed

youre invisible but that means light cannot enter your corneas and you're completely blind. and since no one can see you they can't help you

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>>683554561
>non sterile
Double negative

able to become successful but become plagued with scat fetish.

>>683557372

Fucking need to be shitting every second, else way you are dead there

>>683557450
You couldn't move the corpse because once he's a corpse, time would stop.
The guy would have to die while on the windmill in order for it to work

Brutal

can grant any wish only to 5 year olds named either willy or grant

you get be the emperor of a super civilization right before it collapses.

>>683563306
Well then, if you ever not move when awake, time freezes forever as well.
When sleeping, REM would start time again if not ever-frozen

>>683562663
This is correct by the law of hypothetical syllogism

>>683552848
Shoot yourself with smaller bullets to build up a tolerance to big bullets

>>683564531
>tell willy to wish for me to be able to grant wishes to everyone including myself
>tell him I'll give him a million wishes to convince him
>he does
>kill him

I don't see a downside

>>683564538
forever blamed.

>>683554158
Concepts such as "above" and "below" lose their meaning when you consider that you are technically above the land/water on the opposite side the planet to you. So essentially you breathe well irrespective of your actual position, congrats.

I can hold my breath underwater without dying, only while I am asleep.